------------------------------
True Artistry

~or~

The Tomboy Solution

a Ranma 1/2 Fanstory by
Chris Jones
------------------------------


    "Ranma! Stand still and fight me?"

    "Huh?" Ranma dodged, lightly twisting around Akane's
blow while balancing on his right big toe. He flipped a page
in his manga and continued to read.

    "Ranma, you creep! You could at least pay attention
to me while we're sparring!"

    "Oh, uhmm... maybe later, Akane," Ranma flipped
another page.

    "Ranma! You JERK! Come here so I can kill you!"

    *Hmm,* Ranma mused as he cleanly flipped over Akane's
blow. *What to do? What to do?* He flipped another page in
his manga.

    The problem was that almost a month had passed since
the kidnapping by Kiima's bird-goons, and Ranma was
*seriously* starting to worry about Akane's chances in the
next all-out fight. While she came through it mostly
unscathed, it had been touch and go for quite a while. Akane
was okay this time, but she *could* have died if things had
gone differently.

    Oh, and there was that wedding thing too. That was
pretty exciting and dangerous, what of it Ranma actually
remembered.

    Ranma thought that it was *his* job to fight the
challenges and defend the dojo. As he matured, however, he
was beginning to realize that he was only one man. While he
had no doubt in his confidence in his ability to defeat any
given opponent, the fight with Saffron's bird-people had
driven home the lesson that a martial artist abroad cannot
necessarily protect a fiancee at home.

    What to do?

    "Man, Akane, you're not just thick today, you're
slow, too!"

    "RANMA-NO-BAKA!"

    Her left was getting kinda soft, too, Ranma thought
as he sailed over the dojo. He would have to work on that.

* * *

    "Man, Akane is *pissed* today," Hiroshi said, noting
the angry blue glow surrounding the girl as she picked
angrily at her lunch.

    Daisuke nodded. "You should have heard what Ranma
said in history class."

    Hiroshi shook his head. "I saw him whispering from
across the room, but..."

    "Well, I was a few seats over, but it sounded like he
was singing."

    "Ranma?" Daisuke asked in surprise. "What on earth
would Ranma sing?"

    Hiroshi looked around to make sure Akane was still a
safe distance away. "The Tomboy Song".

    "Oh. Damn. Boy had it coming, then."

    "Yeah, he did."

* * *

    "I told you, Akane," Ranma said, dangling the pastry
tauntingly in front of Akane's nose. "Heavy girls like you
don't need chocoloate-cream-puffs."

    "You're gonna die, Ranma!" Akane screeched.

    She felt off today. Ranma had been a creep all day,
and she hadn't managed to lay a finger on him even once. She
must be getting slower... out of shape. The thought just
made her angrier. She pressed her attack, doing her best to
keep up with the offensive creep.

    Ranma mimed taking a bite of the stolen confection,
inciting the girl to further violence. He dodged over the
table, landing lightly behind his father in panda form.

    The giant panda's eyes went wide in horror as Akane
brandished her mallet. He had been on the receiving end of
that little hammer of horrors before, and wanted no part of
it. He scrambled out from in front of his son, leaving the
pigtailed youth to the torments his fiancee had in store for
him.

    "Nyah! Stupid, slow, tomboy! You really should cut
down on the sweets, Akane. You put on any more weight and
you really won't be able to move any more."

* * *

    "It's getting bad, Saotome," Soun noted. "I had such
high hopes after the wedding, but..."

    Genma, back in human form, grimaced and pointed to
the spectacle of Akane chasing Ranma across the back of the
yard.

    Ranma stopped for a few seconds to say something
insulting, dodging a kick and two lighting-fast punches in
the process.

    "Oh, I see," Soun said. "I didn't realize. Her left
has been getting a little soft."

    "I think the boy already knows," Genma said.

* * *

    "Hey, look," Ranma noted as they walked to school the
next morning. "It's Blue Blunder."

    Akane groaned, sore from chasing Ranma the previous
day. "Just exactly who I didn't want to see again."

    "AKANE! I LOOOOOOVVVVEEEE YOOO--"

    *WHAAMMOOOO*

    Blue Thunder went a-flyin'.

    "God, Akane!" Ranma tormented. "That was weak!

    "I'll show you how weak it is, you jerk! Come back
here so I can kill you, Ranma!"

    "Nyah! Thick girl!" Ranma teased, already fading from
sight up ahead.

* * *

    Ukyou Kuonji was getting worried.

    Ranma wasn't spending time with her. True, he had
been tormenting Akane almost non-stop for the last two
weeks, but that meant that he was spending time with *Akane*
instead of *Ukyou*.

    Today was the first day since the wedding that Ranma
had paid any attention to her at all. He happily munched
down his third okonomiyaki and started acting like he wanted
a fourth. Ukyou smiled, whipped one off the grill for him.
She stared around at the other students at lunch, her eyes
seeking out one in particular.

    Akane was eating with her older sister and some of
her friends. She looked... happy? Energetic at any rate.
Confident. Maybe... Maybe it was time to take her down a
notch or two. Ranma wouldn't be interested in some girl who
was so depressed over losing a fight that she couldn't get
out of bed.

    "Ranchan."

    "Hmmph?" Ranma finished his fourth okonomiyaki.

    "I wanna challenge Akane."

    "Hmmmph."

    "Formal-like," Ukyou added.

    Ranma took a long draw off a bottle of water and
nodded. "Soccer field's the best place. Lots o' room to run
and jump, but nowhere to hide and get lost."

    "I'm not fighting Ryouga, Ranchan."

    Ranma chuckled. "Be sure to call her lotsa names and
stuff. It's really been getting to her lately. Might give
you an edge."

    Ukyou grinned. He really *did* care! She nodded
thankfully and shut off her grill. She strode purposefully
over to Akane.

    "Gomen, Ucchan," Ranma whispered quietly, a hint of
guilt entering his voice.

* * *

    "She what?" Soun demanded.

    "Trashed Ukyou. Brutally," Nabiki repeated. "Just
right there in front of everybody. Of course, Ukyou was
being insulting the whole time. You know how Akane is about
that. Ukyou was in the infirmary all afternoon."

    Soun nodded, and rubbed his chin in thought.

    "Stupid tomboy! You've got arms like a gorilla, but
only about half the fleas."

    "GRRRR!!! Ranma, you asshole! How can you be so
rude!?"

    Ranma dodged past Soun at near-Amiguriken speed.
Akane followed close behind, her fists swinging like
wrecking balls. Soun had to drop to the floor to keep from
being collateral damage. Nabiki took several steps away to
avoid being caught up in the fight.

    Genma-panda had wisely taken up a position in the
corner, ostensibly watching the small black and white
television. In reality, the panda was doing his best to stay
out of the way.

    Ranma zipped into the kitchen. Akane followed,
screaming defiance the entire time. The 'wham' and 'crack'
of her blows was soon replaced by the 'bang' and 'ping' of
flying cookware.

    "I'm not sure I can take much more of this," Soun
said, clutching his chest.

    
* * *

    "OHOHOHOHOHO! Akane Tendou, I see," Kodachi noted in
some distaste.

    "Go home, Kodachi," Akane commanded. She put her book
bag down and turned so that her back was no longer to the
brick wall that surrounded Furinkan high.

    "Tell me, peasant girl, where is my darling Ranma-
sama?"

    Akane growled, but held her anger in check. Kodachi
was a dangerous opponent, and one that Akane didn't want to
fight lightly. "He's in detention for sleeping through
class."

    "Hmph," Kodachi turned her nose up. "If Ranma had
someone as beautiful as the lovely Black Rose to accompany
him in class, he would have no reason to slumber. As it is,
looking at one so bestial, Ranma-sama could hardly--"

    "What did you call me?" Akane cut her off, her
clenched fists shaking with rage.

    "Bestial," Kodachi noted. "Unfeminine. Truly, Akane
Tendou, you are a brutish girl. I have no idea why the sight
of a harpy like you doesn't send my Ranma-sama screami--
AAGGAHGGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHAAA! OAAAAAAHHGGHGGHGHGHH!!! OH,
PLEASE NO!!! AGGHGGHHGHGGGGG!!!!"


* * *

    "Not good," Genma noted.

    "At least the principal isn't pressing charges," Soun
noted. "His daughter *did* pick the fight after all."

    "It was creepy, Tendou. Principal Kunou seemed
almost... *amused* by the whole thing."

    "If only Akane hadn't gone so far," Soun worried out
loud. "Kodachi may be in the hospital for weeks."

    "Longer, if that body cast was any indication," Genma
said. "Flogging her with a water hose was going a bit far, I
think."

* * *

    "Hey, Tomboy," Ranma teased.

    "What do you want, cretin?" Akane growled as she
helped wash the dinner dishes.

    "Heh... listen, I heard a rumor about a new group of
kidnappers. It seems that they only kidnap unfeminine,
sweaty, smelly tomboys. Keeps their bloodline unreasonably
strong, you understand."

    "RANMA!!!!"

    "Hey, I just thought you'd want to know since you're
at risk."

    "REST IN PIECES, RANAMA!!!!"

    *hit* *punch* *mallet*

    "Man, a girl like you couldn't hit the broad side of
a barn with a shotgun. Why don't you just give up Akane?"

    "I'll never give up beating on perverts!" Akane
declared.

    Her fist *almost* tagged Ranma's face.

    *Alright! She almost got me that time! Better turn
things up another notch,* Ranma thought to himself. He made
the mental adjustment necessary to dodge and react to a much
faster opponent and stuck his tongue out at Akane.

    "Slow chick, thick chick, dumpy chick!"

    "RANMAAAA!!!"

* * *

    "Great-grandmother."

    "What is it, Shampoo?"

    "Very bad. Akane beat Spatula Girl and Ribbon Girl.
She training in secret somehow. Shampoo think she training
for fight."

    "Hmm... this isn't good for your chances with my son-
in-law, Shampoo. If Akane *is* training in secret somehow,
your dominance over the rest of Ranma's girlfriends could be
in danger."

    Shampoo nodded seriously. "That why Shampoo want
challenge. Get violent-girl now, before too late. Ranma let
her fight, if serious challenge."

    Cologne shook her head. "The challenge sets a
dangerous precedent, Shampoo. If Akane were actually able to
beat you, you would risk losing your claim on Ranma. If you
win, she retains the right to challenge you in the future.
Are you sure you want to accept such a risk."

    "Shampoo beat Akane before, when not formal
challenge. Shampoo beat Akane again, break spirit. Akane not
bother Shampoo anymore."

* * *

    "Hey, Mister Tendou. What's up?" Ranma asked. The
pigtailed youth was balancing easily on his head in the
middle of the dojo floor, manga scattered all around him.

    Soun knelt down in front of the youth. He had just
spent the last fifteen minutes listening to Akane try to
kill Ranma in retaliation for a series of degrading insults.
As Akane chased him around the dojo, their movements snapped
and cracked through the air like whips. Soun remembered his
very first sensei, the man who taught him the way of the
sword, could cut the air so that it cracked in the blade's
wake.

    Coming to his decision, Soun nodded and placed a
folded letter face up on the floor. "This arrived from the
Nekohanten a few minutes ago."

    Ranma grimaced and folded open the letter.

    "As is... now appropriate," Soun stated, coughing
anxiously. "It's your duty to see Akane answers this
challenge."

    Ranma nodded seriously. He bit his lip in thought.

    "Is my little girl ready, Ranma?" Soun asked in the
tone of a frightened father, rather than a martial arts
sensei.

    Ranma shrugged, an unusual gesture for a man who is
balancing upside down. "Dunno yet. Check back after the
fight and I'll tell you."

    "Oh. Okay."

    "Uhh... Mister Tendou, I need you to keep quiet about
this. I didn't think it was gonna go this far, so..."

    "I understand, Son. I can't say that I agree with
your training methods, but they are frightfully effective."

    Ranma nodded. "She's gotta learn somehow."

* * *

    "What are you reading, Ranma?" Akane asked.

    Ranma snickered and turned away from Akane. He read
for a few more minutes and laughed out loud.

    "Let me see!" Akane demanded petulantly. "What's so
funny?"

    "No!" Ranma said, laughing. "It's nothing, Akane.
Hee! Hahaha!"

    "Ranma! Give it here!" Akane reached in past Ranma's
guard and snagged the paper. She pulled it away and started
to read.

    "Dear Ranma. I see Akane today looking like...
PREGNANT SOW?!?!" Akane screamed. Her furious eyes scanned
over the rest of the letter. The paper very nearly caught
fire in her hands.

    She belted Ranma hard enough to throw him against the
wall and stormed out of the house.

    Ranma couldn't help but grin as he slid down off the
wall.

    Across the room, Soun nodded to Genma. The two got up
to follow Akane. Ranma leapt up and ran to catch up with
them.

* * *

    Cologne and Shampoo were waiting in the park across
the street from the Nekohanten. Akane had no trouble
locating them even though she had never seen the location
mentioned in the challenge letter.

    Shampoo shook her violet hair and readied her bonbori
for the coming confrontation.

    Akane was mad as hell and accelerating to the meeting
place.

    "Akane come to get beat by Shampoo?"

    "DIE, BIMBO!" Akane screeched, leaping into the fray.
"SHAMPOO-NO-BAKA!"

    Cologne shook her head sadly. Shampoo never had a
chance. After the initial... well... *bitch-slap* that
loosened most of the Amazon's teeth, Akane had proceeded to
demolish the Chinese girl with a brutality that Cologne had
rarely witnessed.

    She was certain that Shampoo's left arm had been
broken, but whether from the incredibly rough shoulder block
Akane gave her or the fact that Akane tied the girl into a
fair approximation of a square-knot, Cologne knew not. She
was sure that Shampoo would be walking with a crutch for the
next few days, as well.

    After Akane stormed off in as yet unspent anger,
Cologne sighed and proceeded to untangle her whimpering
granddaughter. She easily lifted the girl and took her
across the street to the restaurant. Cologne came back out
of the restaurant a few seconds later and put her hands on
her hips.

    "Son-in-law! Come out here."

    Ranma leapt down off the top of the restaurant.

    "Why have you done this?" Cologne demanded.

    Ranma's and Akane's father leapt down and stood
slightly behind and to one side of the boy.

    "Akane's gotta be able to protect herself when I'm
gone off doin' stuff," Ranma explained. "Sorry 'bout
Shampoo. She had it comin' for a while, though. She's been
pushin' Akane for a long time now."

    Cologne sighed and rubbed one eye. "That's true,
but... good Lord, Child! Do you have any idea the kind of
forces you're unleashing?"

    Ranma nodded. "Yup."

    Cologne nodded in reply. "You would, wouldn't you?
This isn't over, Son-in-law. Don't make the mistake of
thinking I'm done with you yet."

    "Never, old ghoul. You still got some techniques I
ain't learned yet."

    Ranma leapt away, and took off over the rooftops.

    Soun and Genma both bowed wordlessly and sprinted
away.

    Cologne sighed at some length. Ranma was a new
sensei, and favored new and dangerous methods of
instruction. Worse, there were no controls built into his
customized method of training. Why, to keep Akane's fiery
nature from becoming a truly dangerous engine of
destruction, he'd have to very carefully control her. To
achieve that level of control, he'd have to stay with her
for the rest of her...

    "Oh."

    Shampoo would be hard pressed to win this one,
Cologne realized.

* * *

    Later that night, by *complete* coincidence, the
kidnappers came.

    Akane, roused from her sleep by the creeping ninjas,
screamed in rage. "My God! They *are* kidnapping the
tomboys! Prepare to die!"

    Downstairs, Ranma held one ninja in a half-nelson
hold. He muffled the man's screams by stuffing an apple in
his mouth.

    "You hear that?" Ranma asked, noting the sounds of
violence and the screams of pain and torment coming from the
second floor of the Tendou home.

    The captured ninja nodded in fright and horror as one
of his fellows went flying past a nearby window and landed
in crying heap in the Tendou yard.

    "You can take me to your boss, or you can have some
of that," Ranma offered. "Which one you wanna do?" Ranma
removed the apple, allowing the man to speak.

    "I'll..."

    "Think hard, mask-boy," Ranma hissed.

    "I'll take you to my leader," the ninja whispered as
the sound of bone breaking echoed down the stairway.

    "Good choice."

* * *

    The attackers were operating out of an abandoned
warehouse in the factory district. Their leader, a slender,
well-muscled man in a loin-cloth and a bronze crown, sat on
a mock throne made from crates and packing material. Two of
the ninjas, wearing much more conventional weapons, walked
up and bowed before the man. He gestured at them with the
bronze tipped spear he held.

    "Has the goddess been captured?" the leader asked.

    One of the ninjas shook his head. "We don't know yet.
Our team just missed their last callin time. We have seen no
sign of them."

    "It's possible that the goddess may be providing our
warriors with heavy opposition," the warrior prince noted.
"Truly a great gift for our honored chosen."

    "Or she could just be beating the tar out of them,"
the other ninja noted.

    Just then, another ninja dropped out the rafters of
the warehouse. He was neither armed nor conscious, however.
He fell a short ways and then swung by the rope tied to his
ankle.

    The prince and the other ninjas looked around wildly.

    A figure in red and black leapt down from the rafters
and landed like a cat a little behind the ninjas.

    "Who dares to invade my temporary throne room?!?" The
prince demanded.

    "Ranma Saotome," the figure announced. All around
him, the steely glints of concealed weapons started to shine
in the shadows. Ranma grinned ferally and positioned himself
in a defensive stance. "*Somebody* tried to kidnap my
fiancee tonight, and a little bird told me that you were
responsible."

    The prince stood to his feet and brandished his spear
at the martial    artist. "You speak so rudely to a prince
of Crespinpinesia? Disrespect to the Bronze Crown is
punishable by death, heathen!"

    Ranma smirked and cracked his knuckles. "Come get
me."

    "Seize him!" the prince yelled. Island princes are
kinda stupid that way.

    After Ranma had summarily trounced over fifty ninjas,
he grew bored with the running battle and started to retreat
from the remaining warriors in a spiral pattern. The rest
was... well... an interesting storm in the otherwise calm
early morning sky of Tokyo.
    
    Ranma walked over to the prince who was busy trying
to stop his nose from bleed. "Okay," Ranma demanded. "Tell
me why you wanted to kidnap Akane."

    On threat of having his nation humiliated again, the
prince began to explain.

    Crespinpinesia was a small island several hundred
miles off the eastern coast of Japan. It was so small, in
fact that it had been ignored by most geographers and map-
makers. When the Japanese were occupying islands in the
early years of WWII, they ignored Crespinpinesia as
insignificant. The Americans never even noticed it as they
flew overhead.

    The inhabitants of Crespinpinesia had a proud martial
tradition. In fact, they worshipped a goddess of war that
was said of have raised the home island from
sea with a mighty blow of her divine hammer. The legends
stated that the goddess was slain in a contest of wills
against one of her rivals. Before she died, however, the
goddess promised her followers that she would be reborn in a
mortal body to lead and hold dominion over the island.

    The warrior prince was just following his religion in
trying to subdue his warrior goddess and return her to the
island and to her rightful throne.

    Ranma chuckled and rubbed his chin. "And what makes
you think Akane is this goddess of war?"

    The prince pointed to a stone tablet that was
partially hidden in the darkness and gloom of the warehouse.
Several of the less injured ninjas were feeling helpful, so
they aimed a light at it.

    It was carved with a picture that displayed a short-
haired woman. It was hard to tell from all the cracks and
erosion that had plagued the stone since it's creation, but
the face and bust carved into it bore a passing resemblance
to that of Ranma's fiancee.

    Ranma rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmm... Don't know
if that's her or not, but I can tell you the worst way to
get anywhere with Akane is to try to beat her up. Why don't
you get some of your guys bandaged up and come by the house
tomorrow. Knock at the front door, I mean. Akane might know
what you're talkin' about. If not, you should just leave,
'cause goddess or not, Akane ain't leavin 'less she wants
to. Capice?"

    The warrior prince nodded, eager to be released from
any further physical punishment.

    The Crespinpinesian pantheon got a new addition that
evening. Centuries down the line, Crespinpinesian children
would learn not only about their patron goddess of war, but
the goddess's captor and chosen mate, the war-horse god.

* * *

    "Hey Akane," Ranma said, tossing the girl a paper
sack.

    Akane peered inside the sack to see a fruit filled
pastry. She cautiously took it out and nibbled a corner
after seeing Ranma do the same.

    "I thought you said thick girls like me didn't need
sweets," she said in an accusing tone.

    "Hmmph! A guy can't be nice every once in a while?"

    "Not when he's you," Akane accused, viciously biting
into her treat.

    Ranma grinned an honest, toothy grin. "Hey, there's
some guys from an old island kingdom in town and they're
having a show of some of their old artifacts," Ranma said.
"Lot's o' war and martial arts stuff. You wanna go?"

    Akane smiled. Ranma loved it when she smiled. "Sure!"

    Playing at their go board, Soun and Genma watched the
two leave, still nibbling on the pastries Ranma had bought
them.

    "Is it so bad, Tendou?" Genma asked.

    Soun's shoulders slumped. "He's ruining her
training."

    "But she's never been a better martial artist. He's
taught her to win wars without even thinking about it."

    "He seems to have her under control, at least," Soun
noted. "Maybe..."

    Genma took a long draw off his beer.

    "Maybe they *will* be happy together," Soun hoped.

* * *
Ranma and the others are property of Takahashi, Shogakukan and VIZ. They're used here without permission.

Authors Notes:

This was a bit of a departure for me, but owes to a few different authors, most notably Scott Jamison again, for 'Those Who Can't'. I'm a little afraid that Ranma's 'training' is too subtle, not only for Akane, but also for the reader. Tell me what you think!

C.
* * *

C. Jones - guilty@furinkan.net
http://www.furinkan.net

Watashi ha ultra-relakusu!