"YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!!! MY LIFE WAS ALREADY
FLASHING
BEFORE MY EYES AND IT CONSISTED MOSTLY OF MY PIG-HEADED FATHER AND A
DORKY GIRL!!! IT WASN'T *AT ALL* VERY PLEASANT!!!"
Heee!
had been jumping over Kii and kicking the lifeless Niwatori for almost
If he's lifeless, wouldn't he be dead?
He then realized just how tired and spent he was. He just fell on
the floor and breathed his heart out.
Maybe 'panted his heart out' instead, Mr. Zu? <:)
of wanting to be with her Ranma-darling. Ukyou kept on stroking Kii on
the cheek until he was roused to consciousness.
'Stroking Kii's cheek' maybe?
Everybody started eating, with Ukyou spoon-feeding Kii.
Awww, CUTE!! :D
Akane sat beside him, holding a first-aid kit on his lap. She
held
an ointment in one hand and a bandage in another.
On RANMA's lap? Is Akane holding it there?
"I still can't believe you had to use all your moves just to beat
one guy! He's no Herb, or Kirin, or Tomba."
I thought it was Toma. Tomba's the jungle guy with pink hair and those
cute fangs, who tucks everything away in his mouth for safekeeping (like
bird eggs). :)
Akane saw that she struck a nerve. She couldn't help but snicker
at her fianc,. Ranma just curled up into a ball and pouted. Akane just
stared at him.
'Fianc,.'? I think 'fiance' is a guy that's engaged, while 'fiancee' is
girl that's engaged.
Akane: "Ranma's my fiance."
Kunou: "The pigtailed girl is MY fiancee!"
[Insert favorite character here]: "You wish."
"Oh, foo... it doesn't make any difference at all." Akane dabbed
some ointment on a cut on his cheek. "But, really, to let yourself to
be
kicked around so easily! You still haven't trained enough. You talk a
good match, but you still leave yourself open a lot."
This sounds a LOT like Viz Ranma graphic novel number... 3, is it? Where
Mikado kisses Ranma-chan. Is it SUPPOSED to sound like that? And Akane
bandaging his nose and asking him how long he'll pout...
"Umm, yeah... like... 'd,j... vu'."
THAT'S WHY!! ^o^ That's why it sounds so familiar, hee hee! Why's there
a comma in place of the accented e? Where's the a?
They returned their gaze into each other's eyes. They couldn't
believe the situation they were in. It's like they were given a second
chance.
Past tense for the first two sentences, then present tense in the last.
It should be 'It was like,' if you're writing your entire story in past
tense. ^_~ Hey, but good job on the spelling and typos--haven't seen too
many o' those!
"Uh... I guess... this is something... you have to do... with
someone you like."
..It still sounds like it... I guess it's supposed to, is it?
Well, :) not that my opinion makes any difference, but I'm looking forward
to seeing more of this!
Nibun