"I just think it's best... you understand, don't you, Hikaru-chan?"
No, she didn't. She didn't understand at all. She had given herself to
Rei with all her heart, had thought that she would marry and spend the rest of
his life with him. She had allowed him to seduce her, giving up her
maidenhood, knowing that it was for the man that she truly belonged with.
"Of course," she said, lowering her head.
"I knew you would. You can see it, too. It's been fun and everything,
but let's face it, we were never one of those hot romantic couples." He
laughed, as if to make her feel better.
Her stomach felt like she'd just swallowed poison. She had, of course.
Every word from his lips was killing her, slowly. She could feel it, feeling
her body shake, and knew that once he left she would simply fall over and die.
But she couldn't do that while he was here. He meant too much to her.
So she laughed too. It sounded horrid to her, more of a choked-off sob. He
didn't hear it that way. He reached out and turned her face up with his hand.
She wasn't crying. She had no idea why she wasn't, but at least he was spared
that embarrassment.
"Hikaru, I hope you find someone, y'know? God knows you deserve someone
more than a jerk like me." He grinned, that sideways grin that always melted
her limbs and made her go all gooey.
She didn't, though. She deserved him. Why didn't he see that? God, was
he doing this for her?
He sighed, and turned. "I'll see you around, Hikaru, OK? Don't be a
stranger." And then he walked out, not looking back.
She stood there for a moment and then slipped back against the wall,
slowly sliding down the surface. She still hadn't cried.
***
Dawn, the next morning. The sun slowly crept through the curtains,
outlining a young woman on a futon. She lay curled up, looking so innocent in
sleep. The light moved up her body, alighting on her cheekbones before
trickling into her eyes.
Hikaru's eyes, flickered and then opened. She took a deep breath.
"Alright!"
She leapt to her feet.
"Today is the day! No more Hikaru Amano the manga artist and girlfriend!
We throw off the old chains and find new purpose! Yes!"
She threw on some clothes and grabbed her sketchbook. "I'm gonna go out
and find something active! Something vital! Something that needs the skills
of an up-and-coming talent with gorgeous looks and brains to match!"
She threw open the door. "Look out world, Hikaru is here!"
DENIAL
A Martian Successor Nadesico fanfic
by Sean Gaffney
(C) Xebec, ADV, and all the other creators of this fabulous anime.
Six months later...
"And rest!" the instructor shouted. The students immediately dropped
their controls and almost fell out of the simulators, exhausted with the
efforts of trying to control the giant mecha before them.
Well, almost all the students.
"No! I can't stop yet! I'm up to 85,000! Another 15,000 and I'll get a
bonus run!"
The instructor sighed. She may be the best prospect in the class, but
reality didn't seem to be on her curriculum.
"Miss Amano, it's an Aestivalis simulator, not an arcade game. There are
no points, and no bonus levels."
Hikaru appeared, a gleam in her eye. "You can't palm me off with that
excuse! I got to it once, I can get it again!"
About two months ago, one of the programmers had decided, as a joke, to
include video game effects in her simulator. The joke had backfired; she'd
not only gotten the highest rating they'd seen in a simulator to date, but was
now convinced that if she continued to excel, she'd be rewarded with more
cheesy effects and points.
That did remind him of his other task. "OK, everyone, break for lunch.
Miss Amano, a moment of your time."
He tried to phrase it as casually as possible, but she still came over
and saluted nevertheless. "Yes sir! Cadet First Class Hikaru Amano ready for
action! Let's go!"
"Amano, this isn't an anime! Oh God, never mind." He straightened up.
"Anyway, I have some news for you. You're easily passing all the other cadets
in your class in terms of talent, so we're going to accelerate your program.
Report to the spaceport at 0800 hours tomorrow, you'll be flying out to Gamma
Two for testing on the real thing."
He did not think it humanly possible that her eyes could get much bigger
than they already were, even hidden behind those glasses she's started to wear
(she'd pointed out that girls with glasses were 3 times more likely to succeed
in mecha combat anime). He only had about a second to see it, however, before
she wrapped her body around his in a bone-crushing hug.
"Oh, thank you sir! I'll never let you down! I'll go out there and win
against the Jovians, and show everyone in the world how wonderful Earth can
be." She looked up into the middle distance, and pointed to an imaginary sun.
"Hikaru Amano, ready for ACTION!"
The instructor shook his head. "God help the Jovians if she ever does
meet them," he murmured.
***
"Oowwwwch! Owieowieowieow! Please it hurts, please fix it!"
The medic sighed at the young girl on the floating biobed. He'd seen
pilots come in here with injuries all the time, but this one was truly one of
the sillier ones.
"I'm not allowed to fix it. It's policy. You break a limb, you let it
set in the normal time, no special equipment. What if you were trapped on an
asteroid? All you'd have was equipment to make a splint. You should learn to
be tougher than this."
Hikaru stared at the medic, tears coming to her eyes. She brought her
hands up to her chin. "But I'm not on an asteroid, I'm on a space station
with lots of cool equipment, being treated by a handsome man!" She blinked,
and smiled at him. "Pleeeeeease?"
She was overdoing the charm, admittedly, but she was trying to
overcompensate for the shame and stupidity she felt. When the recruits had
arrived at the station, she'd grabbed her pack and run off the gangplank...
into one-half gravity, falling 20 feet, landing the wrong way, and breaking
her ankle. She didn't think she'd ever felt so stupid in her whole life.
Not that her charm was working. The medic merely shoved her back onto
the bed and moved it into the next room. "You'll recuperate here for the
evening. We're not stupid enough to send you back to the barracks just now,
you'd never hear the end of it."
Hikaru gulped and swallowed her objections. "Yes sir."
He pointed to a rack. "Magazines there for when you get bored," he
drawled, and walked out.
Hikaru sighed and lay back. For about thirty seconds. Then she sat up,
said, "OK, I'm bored!" and maneuvered her bed over towards the magazine rack.
After a cursory glance she hmmphed and returned to the corner of the room.
"What kind of magazines are those? Where's the latest Newtype! Stolen, I
bet. People have no respect for the sick anymore..."
Her complaining was interrupted by the medic screaming out from the next
room. "OK, I need an IV and some wrappings! We stopped the bleeding, but
she'll need to get some blood back into her. God in heaven, why do they let
these idiots in here?"
"You don't know who she is?" said another voice, presumably the colleague
to the medic she'd met earlier. "This is Hard-Luck Izumi."
"Never heard of her."
Hikaru lay in the bed, fascinated. If she closed her eyes and pretended
to sleep, then the voices sounded like a conspiracy anime! Intrigue and
mayhem! This Izumi was probalby a missing princess!
"She's not only one of the top three pilots on the base here, but she's
had two fiancees. She lost one during the battle, and found another one!
She's quite the looker, you know."
"Wait, *that* Izumi? The one who's engaged to Hideyuka?"
"Yeah, why?"
"I think we just found out why this happened... ah, here's that blood."
The conversation dropped to lower murmurs then, but Hikaru had heard
enough. This woman was a top pilot! She's probably gotten injured nobly in a
battle with the Jovians! And Hikaru was in the same room with her! She
wiggled her toes, feeling the excitement rush through her.
About half an hour went by, then the door opened and another bed was put
in the room. Hikaru debated on whether she should feign sleep longer, but was
simply too curious. She sat up and stared.
The other woman was every bit as gorgeous as she'd imagined. Long, black
hair, with a fringe over one eye. She had the beauty of one of those tragic
space opera animes, or maybe a shonen ai romance, as the woman who comes
between the men in love...
The bandages on her wrists and arms admittedly spoiled the effect,
however. She looked at the medic curiously. "What happened? Did her cockpit
blow up during a raging battle? Did she fight to the last trying to keep her
hands on the controls?" Her mind was racing.
The medic snorted. "Hardly. Her fiancee died yesterday. Her second
fiancee in three years. Stupid idiot slit her wrists."
And then he walked out of the room, leaving Hikaru staring at the inert
body of the pilot in shock. She tried to assume an appropriate expression of
seriousness and grief, but a thought rose unbidden to her mind.
*She can't live without her true love! How *ROMANTIC*! It's just like
the girl from Gundam RST!*
And with that she lay back down, continuing to stare at the young woman.
Eyes gleaming.
***
Izumi Maki woke slowly. She didn't want to believe it. It hadn't
worked. She wasn't with him. Or even in blissful oblivion. She was still
alive.
There was an IV drip running into one arm, presumably giving life blood
back to her body. She wanted to rip it out and throw it onto the floor. Who
did they think they were, saving her life? Didn't they realize she'd taken
her life because she didn't want it anymore? What sort of world was this if a
person didn't even have the right to decide if they lived or died?
She wished she had the guts to simply be a bad pilot. Then they'd let
her go, and she'd be free to do whatever she wanted. God knows she'd tried.
She just couldn't go through with it. She couldn't deliberately screw things
up. Ironic that she didn't care about her life, but cared about her
reputation.
She wondered if anyone felt sorry for her. Doubtful. She'd done this
the first time too, it was just more direct this time. Crashing around in
reconnaissance, trying to get herself killed... sitting in a broom cupboard,
cutting her veins with a razor. What was the real difference? It was the
last, desperate act of someone who was tired of feeling. Hard to imagine
someone respecting that.
"Are you awake now?"
Yes, she was, but she wasn't about to admit it. The last think Izumi
wanted was some nurse hovering around her asking how she felt, telling her
they were recommending some good psychiatrists for her to see, and say that of
*course* it must have been *awful* but eventually you'll find the strength to
go on.
She had. The first time. But not again. She was strong, but not that
strong.
"Hi, you don't know who I am, but I'm Hikaru Amano, a new pilot! Um...
tell me if this is a bad time to ask, but did you really try to kill yourself?
Because of a lost love, right?"
Izumi showed no outward reaction, but inwardly she cringed. God in
heaven, they really must not sympathize with her if they'd stuck someone like
this in her room. The girls' voice practically dripped with wonder and
adoration.
"That's how I want to die. Well, not that I want to die. I'm going to
be a pilot! But on the other hand, if I was going to *hypothetically* die,
I'd want it to be romantic. You know, my heart crushed by a tragic death...
unable to live without my true love... going to meet him one way or another.
*sigh* Yeah, that'd be cool."
There was simply no way to adequately react to this. Staying
expressionless had become much easier... Izumi was simply stunned into a total
stupor. It wasn't the sheer stupidity of the girl before her spouting the
words as if it was some great romantic idea...
It was the fact that Izumi had been thinking exactly the same thing
earlier. And acted on it. With no irony. Her thoughts on waking came back
to her, this time in the girl's happy, clueless voice.
*Well, she certainly worked better than a psychiatrist would have. I
don't think I've ever felt more stupid than I do right now,* Izumi thought, as
she finally drifted back into unconsciousness, the girl still chattering at
her.
***
"She's not in the barracks?"
"Nope. Dunno if you'd call it fortune or not, but she was so gung-ho to
get here, she tripped over the ramp and broke her ankle. We've got her in
sickbay for the evening... told her we had a policy of letting it heal
naturally."
"Good. First night alone should at least keep her out of trouble and
keep her from any others who might tell her things..."
"Actually, there is one other with her, but she's unlikely to say
anything to her. They stuck Maki in there. Didn't want her in a room by
herself, I guess... I think Miss Amano's a canary who'll warn us if she tries
anything."
"Maki... *sigh*... more problems. That new disease, was it?"
"That was it. We had a watch put on her, naturally, but she's nothing if
not clever. She wanted to die, this wasn't a spur of the moment decision."
"Dammit. We need her, she's one of the best there is. Even when trying
to fail, she still ran rings around everyone else."
"She won't let herself fail in piloting. It's only living that's her
problem."
"Very deep."
"Thank you. Getting back to Amano..."
"She'll be crucified. She's one of the best pilots we've had since...
well, since Maki, and she accomplished it in one quarter the time. And she's
perky. And while 'breaking in' a new pilot might work for some, I don't think
it would for her. We don't want another Subaru on our hands."
"..."
"What?"
"I've just had an idea."
"Good, what is it."
"Nono, not good. It's an awful idea. I've just had a wonderful, *awful*
idea."
"Uh oh."
"Why not solve all three problems with the same solution? Amano, Maki
*and* Subaru?"
"You can't be serious."
"I'm very serious. We've been talking about creating a team of pilots...
let's make it a trio. Maki's the number three pilot on the base, Subaru's
number five, and Amano's the top new rookie. We're obviously not going to get
a good result with mediocre pilots. Plus Subaru and Maki have shown a
reluctance to work in teams, mostly because they're so much better than anyone
else in their unit. I suspect the new girl will be the same way. If they're
paired with pilots as talented as they demand, we could have something that
would make the Jovians think twice. And that's our goal, remember."
"Subaru will eat her alive much worse than any of the others will. And I
can't begin to imagine how she and Maki would get along."
"Subaru's not as much or a bitch as she's pretending. As I said, that's
the main reason I didn't want Amano in the barracks. We don't need another
king-hell bitch here. And barring a major personality change in Subaru or
Maki, they should get along fine. Besides, all three of them are fanatical
about their piloting. That will give them a bond."
"I still say this won't work."
"I'm not saying they'll turn into the team from Gekiganger or anything.
But I'm hoping it'll teach Subaru to make friends, give Amano some experience
without ripping away her exuberance, and give Maki a reason to live again
that doesn't have something to do with love."
"Complex plan."
"I'm a complex person."
***
Izumi sat back and reviewed her options. She'd slept all evening, and
was feeling mildly less stupid and embarrassed, so that was good.
Unfortunately, the despair was still there. She'd hoped it would go away like
the others. But no, there was Hideyuka, swimming in front of her face, as
handsome as the day they'd met. Dammit, what was wrong with her? She wasn't
evil or bitchy or a menace to society. Why was she doomed to have the life
she did?
She stopped that train of thought. She didn't want to sound as silly as
that girl had the other night.
"What kind of puzzle is this? It doesn't make any sense?"
Still here, then. Izumi sighed inwardly. Well, at least she wasn't
hovering over her. That gave her a little time to think... hopefully she
could do that without getting all morbid and depressed again. She shoved the
hurt to the back of her mind, where it sat like a vulture.
What did she do now? Go back and pilot, obviously, but the idea didn't
thrill her. Piloting was wonderful, it was the atmosphere that existed around
it that she hated. One-upsmanship, backbiting, 'teamwork' that wasn't really
teamwork at all. Nobody cared about actually fighting the enemy, just looking
good and kissing ass.
If she was going to stay here she couldn't continue to be who she was.
She needed something that would push everyone away, keep them from getting too
close. She couldn't deal with close. Especially men.
At least she had an excuse. A near nervous breakdown. Good enough to
explain anything she might do. Or act...
There was an idea. Not exactly a total personality change, just...
different. Saying the things she never used to say, the puns and jokes.
Everything she'd kept hidden so no one would think she was a total weirdo.
The idea made her smile. It would be relaxing at least. And she could
really get to enjoy it. No more caring what impression she made, or who heard
what she said under her breath... this would be really good.
"This isn't a crossword, it's a torture device. 'Shows about how old the
pants are.' Um... I can't believe there's a technical term for pant aging."
"Pageants," Izumi said before she could stop herself.
She could swear she heard the girl blink from here. In seconds she had
hobbled over to Izumi's side. "You're awake!"
"Yes," Izumi said, peering over. She was exactly as Izumi had
suspected... glasses, big smile, and the widest eyes this side of Osaka.
Izumi had lost that innocent perk during training back on Earth... as had
almost every other pilot. If this girl were here now... she must be hot.
Either that or the war was much worse than they'd been told.
"Hi! I'm Hikaru Amano, a new pilot! I'm so glad you're awake! I was
getting really worried!"
Despite the crossword puzzle, Izumi believed her. Hikaru seemed like one
of those people who felt a lot about everything. Izumi debated introducing
herself, but decided she wasn't comfortable enough yet.
"The answer to your clue. It's pageants."
Hikaru blinked, and looked back at the puzzle book she still held in one
hand. "Pageants is the word for someone who ages pants?"
"It's not a normal crossword clue... does it have a number after it?"
"Yeah. Eight."
"That's the number of letters in the word you're looking for. Read the
clue back again."
Hikaru was still taken aback by Izumi's abrupt change of subject. "Um...
OK. 'Shows how old the pants are'.
"The real clue is 'shows'. The rest is there to tell you it's an
anagram. What's a word that shows how old something is?"
"Age."
"Right. And they've already given you pants. Take 'pants' and 'age' and
mix the letters around... then make that fit the definition of 'shows'."
"What kind of crossword is this?"
"It's British... that's the sort of crossword they write. It's all based
around anagrams, puns, and hidden meanings. They don't just give you the
definition, you have to work for it."
Hikaru looked back. "I get it now! So... um... 'one who gambles in a
boat'. Is gambles the anagram?"
Izumi was warming to the subject. Wordplay was her favorite hobby, and
she rarely got to expound on it. "It's not always anagrams. That's a layered
double meaning clue. Another word for boat is 'punt'... and 'one who gambles'
is a 'punter'... whether he's in a boat or not."
"Well, how do you know what type of word it is?"
"Experience. Sometimes it tells you within the clue... more often you
experiment till you get it. It takes brain work."
"Cool... hey! You're trying to change the subject!"
Izumi's smile stiffened a bit. "Yes, I am. Please keep the subject
changed and we should get along fine. Izumi Maki."
Oooh, wonderful, kick the puppy. Hikaru's expression was deeply wounded,
and make Izumi's stomach churn that she'd caused it. But dammit, she wasn't
going to discuss her tragic life with someone she'd met only two minutes ago
who probably hadn't even held hands with a guy yet.
"Sorry," Hikaru said, and made a weak smile. "If you want to talk, I'm
ready to listen, though. I mean, I've... um... been around." She flushed and
went back to the bed.
Izumi frowned. For a moment, Hikaru actually looked distraught. Perhaps
she'd read her wrong. Trying to be the big innocent girl to cover up a bad
love affair?
No, that'd be too intriguing. More likely Hikaru had simply watched a
bad romantic drama recently or something.
Izumi felt the need to speak anyway. "I don't like talking about myself
much to people I've just met. I hope you understand. Maybe later on..."
Hikaru immediately brightened. "Sure, I understand! We'll get to know
each other, then! My favorite color is red, I'm a Libra, of course, I've been
drawing my own manga for a bit now. When the war ends I plan to sell
something to Shonen Jump Ribbon! It's basically your typical manga plot...
this guy goes into an abandoned tunnel one day, only it's haunted, so he
doesn't realize..."
Izumi stared at her, then sank back onto the bed. Definitely on the
wrong track, there is no way this girl is anything but what she appears.
***
Ryoko stalked her way back to the barracks, running fingers through her
recently acquired short haircut. She was starting to get used to it, now that
she was forced to live with it. It did end up helping her new psycho bitch
image... actually, lately she hadn't even needed to work on that, it was
starting to come naturally.
It helped that her fellow pilots were not only the most evil bunch of
hypocritical toadies this side of Jupiter, but also pathetic pilots. Slow,
feeble, barely able to keep their mechs vertical, and she was supposed to keep
up with them?
She went into the bunkroom without even looking, planning to head for the
showers and attempt to wash a little bit of frustration out of her, when a
duffel bag impacted with her face. She stumbled back a couple of steps, but
managed to hold on to it, and lowered the bag to see who had assaulted her.
Emi. Of course.
She seemed even more smugly amused than usual, and Ryoko wondered what
sort of slander she'd been telling the supervisors this time. Ryoko scowled
and attempted to move past her. "Don't fuck with me today, Emi."
"In your dreams, skag. You aren't going anywhere, except off this base.
I was just told to pack your stuff and send you to the commander's office. I
was wondering when he'd finally get tired of watching you embarrass all of
us."
Ryoko felt herself turn white as a sheet, and stumbled back a few steps.
This couldn't be happening. She thought people would understand... or at
least that her piloting would get her through until she could join a unit that
she could respect.
*Not a team player, are we, Miss Subaru? The goal here is to work *with*
the other pilots. I'm sorry if that doesn't come easy to you.* The works of
her teacher came back to her. She didn't belong. She wasn't a team player.
That was why they were getting rid of her.
Emi was still mocking her, but Ryoko couldn't even hear her voice. Her
head seemed to be filled with a white static, and her vision narrowed to a
tunnel. She looked back at her bunk - it had been totally stripped, even the
sheets were gone. It was true, she was leaving. Ryoko grabbed her bag and
stumbled out the door - stumbled due to a well-placed foot.
All the way to the commander's office, she had to force herself not to
fall over. She'd beaten it, dammit, she'd finally won. Destroyed everything
that she used to be, remade herself so they wouldn't laugh at her. Endured
having her mechs sabotaged, and her hair being cut. All this so that she
could do what she'd come here to do - be the best pilot they had and fight the
Jovians. Make something of herself.
She couldn't go back. Not now.
Entering the commander's office, she forced herself to salute. "C-Cadet
Subaru reporting, sir!"
The commander looked up and seemed to frown. Obviously not pleased to
see her, Ryoko throught dazedly.
"Subaru, you look white as a sheet? What's happened now?"
Ryoko stared at him, her mouth hanging open. "I... I was told to come
here. They said you were getting rid of me..."
This time he did look mad, and Ryoko tried not to flinch. "I told them
not to have Shinozara tell you. She must have pulled favors. Subaru, you've
been lied to. Again. I can only apologize."
This time she almost did faint. She stuck out a hand and by luck managed
to hit a chair before falling to the floor. She sat down hard, her bag
falling forgotten onto her foot. "You... you aren't making me leave?"
"Subaru, you're one of our most promising recruits, maybe even one of the
top pilots on the base! Why on Earth would we want you to leave?"
Ryoko breathed out, suddenly feeling warmth spread through her. It was a
trick. Emi had been lying. They weren't getting rid of her. She should be
angry, but all she could feel right now was relief. She sat in the chair for
a few moments simply breathing in and out, trying to regain her composure.
After a few moments, she remembered the bag. There must have been some
reason to pack it, Emi's practical jokes weren't *that* elaborate. "Um... if
I'm not going anywhere, why are my things packed?"
The commander smiled, the secret I-know-more-than-you-do smile he gave
the troops during assemblies. "You are moving, just not off the base. We
have been watching you, Subaru, believe it or not. You've held up well
considering all the hazing your squad gave you. Too well, in fact. I wanted
to get you out of there while you still had a spark to you. You don't belong
there, that much is clear."
Ryoko felt heat burning on her cheeks, as the unfamiliar praise made her
want to crawl under the chair and hide. "I... but my teachers... they say
I'll never be a pilot if I don't learn how to work as a team..."
"They're right. You aren't a team player yet, that's the reason for the
move. But you shouldn't have to slow down to much just to allow everyone to
catch up. The best way to have you learn teamwork is with equals. We've
discussed setting up an elite squad from the best cadets, and you're one of
the ones we've chosen. You're to report to the sickbay, where you'll meet
your other two team members, and then we'll find somewhere to relocate you."
Ryoko was once again having difficulty hearing what was being told to
her. Elite squad. One of the best cadets. The words she'd longed to hear
for months now.
My God, maybe it had been worth it.
"One thing I should warn you about, Subaru..."
She jumped back into focus. "Yes, sir?"
"Be aware that your teammates, while also crack pilots... be it because
of experience or simulation... are also unlikely to team up with others well.
You three are mavericks. We're doing this deliberately, hoping you can bring
out the best in each other. Give them a chance, don't expect it to be perfect
right from the start. You above all know the risks in being too hard on
people."
Ryoko straightened. "Of course, sir!"
The commander chuckled. "I'll be more pleased if you say that to me a
few days from now. Speaking of which, Miss Shinozara... this is irregular,
but I suppose I feel guilty enough to offer you the chance."
"Sir?"
"Would you be interested in personally packing her things before we move
her off the station and back to Earth?"
Ryoko's eyes widened. Her dream come true. And yet... she couldn't do
it. It would be sinking to her level.
"No sir, that's alright. I'll just report to Sickbay. Um... are my
teammates injured?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact they are. But they aren't going anywhere for
another day, and I wanted you out of that barracks as quickly as possible.
Oh, and Ryoko... good decision. You're better than she is."
Ryoko could now feel the flush spreading over her entire body. "Thank
you, sir! You won't regret this!" And with that, she grabbed the duffel and
moved out of the office as quickly as she could while still being polite.
An elite squad of crack pilots!
Trying not to grin hugely, Ryoko swung her back back and forth. This was
the best day she'd ever had.
***
"...and I remember the first time I saw the episode where Joe died. It
was *so* *sad*! I couldn't stop crying for days, I was just sobbing into my
pillow. JOE! JOE! It took me weeks to get over it... I even stayed home
from school a couple of days."
"I imagine drinking coffee was never the same again... hehehehehe..."
"Huh? Never mind..."
Ryoko paused at the doorway, uncertain. This was where she'd been
directed by the doctor... could those really be her teammates in there? She
shook her head and mentally slapped herself. She shouldn't be judging anyone
on first appearances... she was better than that, better than all of her old
bunkmates. She'd show them.
Opening the door, she decided to put on an outgoing, salt-of-the earth
type front. "Hi there! I'm Ryoko Subaru, pilot first year. I was just told
we'd been assigned to the same unit."
She was immediately met with an enthusiastic handshake from a young
redhead who seemed incredibly full of energy, despite the cast on her right
ankle. "Hi! I'm Hikaru Amano, a new arrival! I can't believe they've
assigned me to a team already! I thought I'd have to wait a week or two!
This is great!"
Ryoko's eyebrow twitched briefly. "Brand new? When did you arrive?"
"Yesterday. I kind of, um, broke my leg..." The girl flushed. Ryoko
stared at her. She couldn't really be that green, could she?
"She got a ninety-seven percent on the final simulator test. I don't
think they ever told her how stunning that is."
Ryoko looked over at the other speaker, and then twitched again. "You...
you're Izumi Maki!"
"Yes," said the pale, blue-haired woman. She was sitting up in bed, and
had a slight smirk on her face, as if she found the whole situation amusing.
"Um... aren't you dead?"
"Didn't you hear? I come in six-packs. Hehehehehe..." The girl started
to giggle harder, till she was slapping the side of the bed.
Ryoko took a step back and tried to take in the information. She was now
teamed with a young kid, never before in a real Aestivalis, who had
nevertheless scored ten points higher than anyone else EVER had on the
simulator. Her other teammate was one of the best pilots on the base, but
also an unlucky basket case who had supposedly killed herself after her second
fiance died.
Maki stopped laughing and stared at her more closely. "Subaru... you're
the one everyone tries to get rid of, right? Ended up becoming a take-no-shit
tomboy just to get noticed, right?"
OK, so Ryoko probably wasn't the greatest role model in the world either.
She was beginning to see the ulterior motive of this teamup... get together
three pilots with amazing technical skills and no ability to interact socially.
Thanks, Commander.
She smiled weakly and walked over to the only remaining bed, tossing her
duffel on top of it. "I guess the Commander wants me to brief you... um, he's
putting the three of us together to try and create an elite unit."
Maki laughed again, a quick rat-a-tat-tat of a chuckle that was already
beginning to grate on Ryoko. "While removing any dissonant elements from the
rest of his teams, or cutting them off before they start to grow dissonant in
Hikaru-san's case. This is wonderful, I must congratulate him." She looked
up, and Ryoko must have had some distaste showing on her face, because Maki's
expression softened. She looked almost normal again. "Sit down, Ryoko-san.
It's not as bad as you think. He wouldn't do this if he didn't think it would
work."
Ryoko nodded and reclined on her bed, feeling a little better. "Right...
sorry."
Hikaru was back on her own bed as well, but was bouncing up and down
slightly, giving the impression that the bed was vibrating. "So, Ryoko-san,
what's it like here? Are the people nice?"
Ryoko stared at her, but there didn't seem to be any irony in her
statement. She's really like this. My God. She heard Maki giggling, and
shot her a nasty look. "The Commander's a great guy... he always looks out
for people, and doesn't let anyone crash and burn unless they deserve it. The
teachers are alright, provided you're a team player... they can get vicious if
you don't toe the line, though."
Maki piped up again. "Keep in mind those are the first-year teachers,
who are trained to be absolute bastards to make people quit. I must admit,
Ryoko-san, you've impressed a lot of us in the third year. You've taken more
shit than anyone else, and still refuse to give in. That's impressive."
Ryoko flushed. She hadn't even realized anyone'd heard of her outside of
the Commander. "Thanks... you know, Amano-san, Maki here is one of the best
pilots on the base. She's third year, and has been tearing the place up."
She then paused, unsure how much the other girl wanted her life story
told, or even how much of it was true. Luckily Maki took up the narrative.
"I'm also well known as a manic depressive, and as both of you know, recently
tried to kill myself. None of us are perfect here. Ryoko's a hothead who
tends to blame herself when anything goes wrong... it's true, admit it," she
added as she saw Ryoko start to make an angry denial. Ryoko choked back her
response. It was true, it just hurt coming from someone else. She was the
only one allowed to hate herself.
"What about you, Hikaru-san? Why are you here? Lifelong dream to be a
pilot?" Maki asked the young girl.
Hikaru actually seemed to calm down a little, and looked down at her
hands. "Um... actually, I've always wanted to be a manga artist. I've got a
sketchbook in my pack. But I felt like a change a while back, so I went and
signed up for Aestivalis training."
Ryoko nodded. "Sounds good to me. And it looks like it paid off, if
you're doing that good in sim tests. I only got a seventy-five percent, for
chrissakes."
Maki, however, was looking closely at Hikaru's expression. "You felt
like a change, so you signed up for Aesti training? That's not a change,
that's a major lifestyle switch. What happened to you that you needed to do
something *that* different?"
Hikaru flinched, and looked away. Ryoko looked at her, and felt a pang
hit her heart. It hurt to see this girl looking upset.
Maki sighed. "A man. And here I was thinking you were innocent."
Hikaru had her arms wrapped around her, as if she was cold. "I don't
want to talk about it now. Later I will."
Ryoko shook her head. "Hey, kid, that's not the way to--"
She was cut off by Maki. "That's fine. It can wait till later." She
caught Ryoko's eye, and shook her head. Ryoko wrinkled her brow, but didn't
say anything.
Maki opened her mouth wide, performing a very fake-looking yawn. "I
know you're probably still excited, Ryoko-san, but Hikaru-san and I are still
recovering from our injuries. Trust me, with the amount if drugs running
through my system, I'm lucky I stayed up this far."
Ryoko was smart enough to catch a clue when it was bright, neon and being
waved in her face. "Sounds good. Actually, the adrenaline is kinda wearing
out of me... I might take a nap too."
Hikaru looked at them and nodded. "Alright."
Ryoko sighed and stretched out on the bed... she'd unpack later. She
*was* a little tired, but wanted to think first. This was definitely not what
she'd expected.
***
The doctor came in the next day, clearly unhappy about something. Hikaru
was looking a little better, and had almost managed to convince herself that
the previous day's conversation had never happened. She tried to put on her
perkiest expression, hoping she'd have better luck at getting the doctor to
fix her injuries with the bone knitter.
He seemed to know where she was going, as he waved his hand in her
direction. "No need to give me those googly eyes, Cadet. I've already been
ordered to fix your leg... as well as Izumi's wounds." There was a sudden
silence as he glared in Izumi's direction. She returned the glare, saying
nothing. Hikaru was inwardly thankful that she didn't try to make some pun or
wisecrack. It probably wouldn't have gone down very well.
"Thank you, Doctor," Izumi said instead. The doctor clearly wanted her
to say more, but she merely continued to return his stare until he looked
away, back at Hikaru.
"I trust this little embarrassing incident will make you think twice
before leaping into new situations, cadet... and that goes for your Aestivalis
as well."
Hikaru flushed. "H-hai..." she murmured.
The doctor continued to scowl. "If I had my way, Amano would be here for
another few days, and Maki, you'd be here for at least a month. But my
opinion has been waived so that you three can start in on the new top-drawer
training they're telling me about."
Hikaru felt she should reassure the doctor in some way. "Thank you,
doctor! We promise we won't do anything to let you down or disgrace you! You
needn't fear us in any way, we'll make you proud!"
He just blinked at her. "You really are like that, aren't you? Good
lord. Presumably you expect me to be wandering the ship drinking sake from a
huge bowl or somesuch... in any event," he said, turning back to the others,
"once I fix both of you up, you and Subaru will report to Bay 13, where
they'll show you your new Aestis and assign you quarters. Presumably you'll
get new instructions after that."
At the mention of new Aestivalises, both Ryoko and Hikaru's eyes lit up.
Hikaru still couldn't quite believe this was happening to her! She'd only
just arrived, and they were putting her with other top pilots in a secret
project! They'd probably be assigned to infiltrate the Jovians' top secret
base and carry out some sort of sabotage. Naturally, being the smallest,
she'd be the one who'd have to crawl through the ducts, creating chaos all
over the base, yet never being caught until finally at the end, they'd get in
their Aestivalises and fly along the surface of the Jovian base, looking for
the one small port where they could drop the bomb before peeling away. She'd
focus her sights, remembering the words of her commanders telling her to
concentrate, just let it flow, to use the F--
"Miss Amano, are you even bothering to listen to me?"
Hikaru looked up, flushing red. "Sorry! Sorry, sir!" She turned to him
and tried to pretend she'd been totally wrapped up in what he had to say.
The doctor sighed. "So let's look at that ankle of yours..."
***
Izumi tried to blend her into the background... she used to be so good at
that. She watched the doctor fuss over Hikaru, trying to sound gruff and
uncaring. It was cute, really; he was every inch the old-fashioned Star Trek
country doctor. Probably why he was so concerned with her.
There was simply no way she was going to sit here for a month while
drones performed psych tests on her. She didn't care if they thought she was
going to blow her brains out the moment she left. They were hardly going to
understand her any better than she understood herself.
She knew she wasn't better, not by any means. Last night she'd woken up
and nearly screamed with the memory of his death. She almost got up and went
to find some pills or a knife. But then she looked at Hikaru, sleeping
peacefully, the depression finally worn off of her face. Every time she saw
Hikaru's perkiness now she felt guilty. Why couldn't she do that? Take
tragedy and convert it into happiness and joy, even if only on the surface.
The brooding, tragic angst had worn thin... and she didn't really believe in
an afterlife anyway. She wasn't going to meet him. She was just taking her
life to a forseen conclusion.
She lay back down, satisfied with her decision not to end her life.
Unfortunately, that hadn't really helped in dealing with her feelings of
grief. She'd cried silently for a few minutes before falling asleep.
Now she sat here trying to figure out what to do now. Obviously she
*wasn't* going to be feeling at all better anytime soon... and to be honest,
she didn't really trust herself not to try any suicide attempts no matter how
grand her new outlook on life was. It was best for the time being to stick
close to the other two girls, just as a precaution.
Besides, she was starting to like them. Hikaru was just too spunky to
dislike, and Ryoko combined a spunky abrasiveness with a wounded innocence
that reminded Izumi of what she was like after her first fiance died. They
weren't the typical grunt pilots out to impress middle management and abuse
others. These were people Izumi might want to actually know.
She once again pondered her decision to stop acting like what everyone
expected her to. It was fun. She felt more relaxed. Ryoko didn't seem to
like it, but she'd have time to discuss it with her later. More to the point,
she wasn't as oppressively obsessed and depressed. That had to be a good
thing. If the CO asked her about it, she'd give him that reason. He'd accept
it. He might even approve, look at all the twisted reasons he was pairing the
three of them up in the first place.
Yes, this would work out, Izumi decided. Provided she put on the meek,
accepting attitude till she got away from the medics...
***
Ryoko stared up at the Aestivalis before her and tried not to let the
naked lust show on her face. She risked a glance over at the others and saw
Amano hadn't even bothered to disguise it... she was even salivating a little.
Even Izumi's jaw had dropped a little as she stared at the marvels in front of
them.
"Try not to dehydrate before you get into the cockpit, Amano," the
commander said with a smile on his face. Hikaru closed her mouth, but her
eyes remained as wide as possible.
Ryoko looked back at the commander in shock. "Th-these are our new
mechs?" she stammered.
The commander smiled. "Indeed. Surprise."
Izumi walked around, studying her sea blue Aestivalis from every angle.
"Some of these things... I thought this technology was still in the
experimental stages."
"It is. This is the third stage. There have to be compatability tests
somewhere along the road. If you pilots aren't able to use the new technology
effectively, it's as good as useless."
Ryoko was now walking around her own machine. Her other mecha had always
been gunmetal grey, the typical Aestis given to first year trainees, and ugly
as hell. This was beautiful. It was a deep red (her favorite color, though
that had to be a coincidence), and exuded grace where the other mechas she'd
driven had just sat there like lumps. It was almost as if these mecha were
alive.
Hikaru must have asked permission to see the inside, because Ryoko saw
she was halfway up her own orange Aestivalis. Ryoko took this as a general
all-clear and moved towards her cockpit.
Inside was even more startling. Broadly speaking, it was the same as the
old mecha, but there was so much *more*! It was better designed as well,
leaving freedom of movement. The only major problem was the lack of a
viewscreen...
Suddenly Izumi's face sprang to life right before her! Ryoko almost
leapt out of the cockpit before realizing it was just a holoscreen. She was
stunned, she'd only seen the president use those...
"Testing communications. Can you two hear me?"
Hikaru suddenly popped up on the other side of Ryoko's face. "Hai!
Cadet Hikaru Amano, reading you loud and clear!"
Ryoko quickly located the right panel and activated it. "Subaru here.
Try and be a little less abrupt next time."
Izumi grinned. "We can wait while you change your underwear if you
like."
"Izumi!" Ryoko screamed, flushing.
Hikaru was, of course, having a ball. "It's just like Gekiganger! I
don't believe it, it's a dream come true!"
The commander's voice came from a speaker near the front. "Not
surprising, Amano. Most of NERGAL's tech people tend to be otaku such as
yourself. It's only natural they'd make these towards the anime
specifications."
Ryoko was still checking her equipment. She liked the armaments given to
the arms and legs - Ryoko liked physical combat, and wanted her mech to be
well protected.
"Sir," Izumi spoke up, sounding serious again, "Does this 'Beam' setting
mean what I think it means?"
Hikaru popped up, apparently hitting the comms button a second time by
accident. "Gekigan Beam?!?! You're kidding!"
"Not quite," the commander's voice said, sounding a little less smug.
"Keep in mind, you three, that all of this is a top, A-1 secret. And I do
mean penalty of death. None of it will leave this room, do I make myself
clear?"
"Yes sir!" the three cadets said in unison.
The commander's tone softened again. "It's not quite a Gekigan beam,
Amano, but it's as close as we could make it. It's a Heavy Wave Gravity Beam.
Not much of a range, but it can do... impressive things within that range."
Ryoko's eyes were now almost as wide as Hikaru's. "Sir, when can we
start testing?"
"Not today, much as you'd like to. The power units aren't here... it's
working on battery power only, not enough for full-fledged testing. They
should be here in two days at the latest. Once they're hooked up, we can
start having you three learn to operate your new mechs. Oh, by the way, the
design team is *here*, not just back on Earth. NERGAL insisted. So feel free
to suggest any changes you feel should be made to improve maneuverability,
response time, what have you."
"Customized," Izumi murmured. "Sir, did you do this deliberately to
pique my interest?"
"I have lots of reasons for what I'm doing, Izumi, and believe it or not,
you only feature in a few of them."
"Hhhmph! You wound me, sir."
"No, that was the razor, I think you'll find," the commander said dryly.
Ryoko's mouth dropped open, and she stared at Izumi with concern,
wondering what the young woman would say.
"Hehehehehehe...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
*Why do I even bother?* Ryoko sighed. As Izumi continued to have a
giggle fit, Ryoko emerged from the cockpit and headed over towards the
commander. "Quarters?"
"To your left."
"Mess?"
"Straight down that corridor, automated with a chef for special meals."
"Will I ever understand you?"
"Maybe if you live to be my age... but by then, I'll be long gone."
***
Hikaru keeled over onto her bed, exhausted and depressed. *Well, so much
for the prodigy,* she thought bitterly.
Reality had not been pleasant. In their first testing of the new Aestis,
Ryoko had kicked her butt from here to Saturn in close combat. The longest
Hikaru had gone before being taken down and/or disarmed was 20 seconds. Ryoko
even beat her when she had a gun! And speaking of guns, Izumi had wiped the
floor with both of them in long range target practice. She just giggled,
muttered something about a bird in the hand being worth two in Shepherd's
Bush, and continued to get straight, dead-on bullseyes. Hikaru got nine out
of thirty, Ryoko sixteen.
She shouldn't be surprised, she knew that. Everyone had kept on telling
her the difference between sims and actually piloting a large mecha like the
Aestivalis. She just... she just wished she'd done a little better. Enough
so that she could look her fellow pilots in the eye.
She rummaged through her things, and found her sketchbook. She hadn't
done much art lately, concentrating instead on the basic piloting skills. She
picked up a pen and started to draw. Gekiganger again. The more she worked
with the Aestivalises, she more she thought of the old anime she loved. It
was so right, so basic. Watching the show, you felt as if nothing else in the
world ever existed.
She examined her art. It was meant to be a sketch of Joe, but somehow
had mutated into looking more like Rei. They didn't really look much like
each other... probably her unconscious dredging up things she didn't want to
think about again.
"Not bad, kiddo. That's some talent."
Hikaru leapt off of the bed. "Gyaaa!"
Ryoko was standing there, grinning. "It's not as if I snuck up on you.
I said hello three times. What were you doing?"
Hikaru flushed. "I get really involved when I draw."
She could now see that Izumi was sitting there too, drinking a cup of
tea. "Yes, you looked really drawn in. Hehehehe..."
Ryoko frowned, and opened her mouth to snap back.
"In fact, it's a good thing you picked that up. You've looked pretty
drawn these last few days. Hahahahaha!!"
"Izumi, will you knock that off?!" Ryoko shouted.
"Hehehehe... no, I won't. Suck it up." Izumi was still giggling, but
there was a hint of fire behind her eyes. They'd been having this cold war
building up lately, and neither of them were going to give in.
Hikaru threw her sketchbook across the room, silencing both of them. "I
hate this! Why am I still here?!"
Ryoko took a step back, not comfortable with Hikaru being so upset.
"Hey, kiddo, today wasn't as bad as it looked. You're coming along great -- "
But Hikaru was already shaking her head. "Not that. I don't even mean
what a lousy pilot I am. I mean why am I here at all? I'm not Nanako, or
anything like that. I love to draw! I should be a manga artist! Instead I
wake up one day and decide to be a mecha pilot? Why did I do that?!" By now
Hikaru was screaming, and Ryoko had backed almost to the door, completely
unsure how to handle this.
Izumi still sat on the bed, drinking her tea. "Love's like that," she
said simply.
Hikaru looked puzzled for a moment, then nodded ruefully. "Hai. It is.
I thought I had everything planned. We were going to get married, he would
make money from his sculptures, I'd get a deal for a new manga series that
would have everyone reading it. It was perfect," she finished, almost choking
off the final words.
"It couldn't have been. He left you." Izumi had finished her tea, and
was lying on her stomach, legs dangling in the air. Ryoko looked back and
forth between the two of them.
"I know."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what did he say?"
Hikaru was starting to cry. "He said it had been fun... that he hoped I
found someone special... that he... he never thought we were a couple..." She
finally broke down and began to sob. She lay down on the bed, tears streaming
down her cheeks.
Ryoko reached out a hand, but something was preventing her from going
over to her. She wasn't sure what.
Izumi was frowning. "He sounds like an idiot. No offense."
Hikaru shook her head. "No, he wasn't. He was wonderful, and sweet, and
caring."
A light went on in Ryoko's head. "Hey, did you... um... go all the way
with him?" She almost whispered the last.
Hikaru looked up at Ryoko. "Of course."
Ryoko turned red. "Ah. OK, wow."
Each of the three pilots took a moment to think. After a few minutes of
silence, Hikaru got off the bed and retrieved her sketchbook. "Don't want to
lose this."
Izumi said, "And what about the Aestivalis?"
Hikaru thought for a moment. "I don't want to lose that either," she
said, sounding surprised. "Wow," she added, echoing Ryoko's earlier comment.
"Wow!" Izumi shouted, throwing her arms in the air. She then giggled and
rolled off the bed, pounding the floor. "Woooooooooowww!" she repeated.
Ryoko sighed, and then left the room. This entire scene may have helped
Hikaru, but now she was more depressed than ever. *Izumi's going insane,
Hikaru's not sure if she's a perky manga artist or a brooding pilot... and I'm
the only virgin in the group. This sucks.* She wandered back to the mess.
Food always helped her think. Some ice cream...
Izumi continued to giggle on the floor. She'd turned face down again.
"Hikaru?"
Hikaru had watched Ryoko walk out, and was debating going after her.
"Hm?"
"You had a very nice relationship. But it wasn't perfect."
Hikaru smiled. "I know." She opened her pad and sketched something.
Izumi continued to lie on the floor. She'd stopped giggling.
***
The night was the worst. She couldn't do something to take the mind off,
couldn't talk to anyone.
Darkness, creeping in on her. She went into the hall, but it was set for
night. Darkness in the hallways, darkness in the rooms... darkness everywhere.
There was light in the infirmary. Bright neon light calling her. She
headed towards it, trying to stop herself, knowing what she was doing, but not
being able to do anything about it. She craved the darkness now. Wanted it
never to end.
Here was a way to make sure it wouldn't.
***
Ryoko woke up slowly, raising her head off the table. She must have
fallen asleep in a sweets-induced coma after coming here last night. She
didn't feel any better, unfortunately, just fatter. She sighed, and headed
back towards the barracks. The others were probably asleep now, if Izumi
wasn't still giggling in a fit.
Suddenly she heard something falling over from the infirmary, and a
muffled curse. Out of habit she drew close to the wall, ready to strike out
if this was an unexpected intruder. She peered around the corner.
It was Izumi. She was standing by the sink, something in her hand...
Ryoko reacted without thinking, rushing across the room and smacking
Izumi's hand sharply. The object flew across the room and hit the floor. It
was a needle.
Ryoko turned to scream at Izumi only to find herself lifted up by her
jacket. Izumi's eyes were wild, and she was shaking. "Why did you *do*
that?! Leave me in peace!"
Ryoko struggled to free herself. "What the hell do you think you're
doing?"
Izumi suddenly let go, and Ryoko had to put a hand out to the sink to
avoid tumbling to the ground. If anything, Izumi was shaking worse now, her
entire body trembling. Not crying, just shuddering.
"I've seen perfection," she said, and looked towards the door.
"What?" Ryoko looked at Izumi, totally off balance now. Should she try
to restrain her? Or would that be wise, Izumi was certainly larger than Ryoko
and might be stronger as well.
"Hikaru was saying her relationship was perfect. It wasn't, mine was.
Twice. Twice I've had nothing but perfection and happiness. It was a miracle
I found it again... I could never get it a third time. Look at the two of
you. Hikaru's starting over, she's sure to find the right man. You still
have all that joy ahead of you, Ryoko, you don't even know what it's like.
Me... I've done it. It's over. Empty life."
Ryoko's jaw hung open. She'd been worried about Izumi, but seeing her
this close to the edge was another story. Ryoko tried to find some sort of
comforting words. What was there to say to someone who'd fallen in love twice
and had both men die? Third time lucky?
Besides, what the hell did she know about love? She's kissed a couple of
guys once, but that was the sole extent of Ryoko's romantic history. Sure,
she dreamed of finding happiness with someone... but Izumi and Hikaru had
found it. Hikaru should be here. Not her.
However, right now there was something a little more pressing. "Izumi,
you aren't going to kill yourself. I won't let you."
Izumi looked down. "I can't do it anymore, Ryoko. Can't watch the happy
people. I need to--"
"No." Ryoko was feeling stronger. This was going to work out. She'd
make sure of it. "Now, go back to bed. In the morning, you'll feel
different."
"No I won't, I just won't feel as desperate."
"That is better."
"Not really."
"Izumi! Go. Now."
Izumi slowly moved towards the door. She paused for a moment and looked
at the needle. Ryoko tensed, but after a moment she kept moving and headed
back for the barracks.
Ryoko followed her, making a point of being seen. Izumi didn't try
anything else, though, just got back into her bed. Ryoko took a seat on hers,
and prepared for a long night.
She felt a lot better about herself now, ironically. Whatever shit she'd
gone through, and no matter how much ice cream she'd eaten, she'd never gotten
down to what Izumi was feeling.
***
Ryoko lay back on the bed, snoring gently. Hikaru stared at her,
frowning. "When did she get in last night?"
Izumi finished her conversation with the commander, then turned to her
fellow pilot. "We'll give her some rest. She's earned it. The commander's
asked me to help you with your hand weapon skills for today on the range, then
we can do more mecha when Ryoko wakes up."
Hikaru blinked. "Why go on the range? I'll be firing any weapon from my
Aesti."
"Yes, but getting better in one will help the other, trust me. I used to
be a sniper a few years back."
Hikaru's eyes widened. After a few minutes, she said, "Hey, you know all
about me, but you never talk about yourself."
Izumi smiled. "That's because you're open and giving, and I'm nasty and
secretive."
Hikaru hhmphed, but didn't press the matter. "What was Ryoko doing last
night."
"Facing down some demons. She's good at it too." Izumi put a blanket
over Ryoko and patted her shoulder before heading out the door. "You do know,
by the way, that there are two sights on a rifle."
Hikaru blinked, then followed her. "WHAT?!?!"
***
"So, how's our little experiment?"
"Not going *quite* as smoothly as I planned, but things are working out.
Miss Amano is beginning to come to grips with the fact that she's not in a sim
anymore, nor can she fire Gekigan Punch. The others are coming along even
faster. They're out doing freespace tactics now, battles in 360 degrees and
so on."
"NERGAL want them to move out in three days."
"Yes, I expected that. Well, they'll be as ready as ever, I guess."
"You don't seem as confident as you were before."
"Maki tried to kill herself again last week."
"What?! Why didn't -- "
"It didn't get far enough. I had guards heading for the room, but Subaru
stopped her in time. There haven't been any reoccurences, though I'm not sure
how much of that is due to the night watch Subaru's been putting on Maki."
"This doesn't sound remotely like they'll be ready in three days. It
sounds like they're falling apart."
"It sounds worse than it is. I think Maki just had a bad night, that's
all. She hasn't shown any signs of sliding back into depression. In fact,
she's been happier every day. That's the one thing we do have to worry
about."
"You aren't making any sense."
"Maki's essentially shutting off all dangerous feelings about her past
loves by changing the way she deals with life. You know how she always loved
to make puns and obscure jokes... well, picture her doing that *all the time*.
It hasn't impaired her piloting or efficiency... she can turn it off is
there's an emergency. But for the most part, that's how she is now."
"...wonderful. And the other two?"
"Amano's still fairly bubbly. I think there was some sort of emotional
crisis after the first day of training, but the others must have helped her
with it, because it didn't seem to last. She's apparently channeling any
further angst she had into art... she's asked for four sketchbooks over the
past week. And, as I said, she's quickly catching up with the others. Girl
has the best natural talent I've seen in fifteen years."
"What about Subaru?"
"Hmm... I think it will work out eventually."
"That sounds ominous."
"Subaru and Maki haven't really been getting along. Subaru hates what
Maki's turning herself into, and Maki doesn't dare try to stop for fear of
losing herself to pain again. So Subaru's been spending much of the week
either watching over Maki at nights or dealing with anger. They seem to have
worked out a plan. Maki and Amano get up early and train till noon, then go
eat lunch and wake Subaru. Then they train till dusk, eat, cool down, and the
other two go to sleep while Subaru stays up watching Maki all night to make
sure nothing happens."
"...you've got to be kidding."
"Well, we knew it wouldn't work out perfectly. Luckily, Subaru doesn't
seem to be falling behind even with just afternoon training. And I'm fairly
certain that once they're on the station or posted to a ship, the two of them
will come to an understanding."
"More likely they'll beat the shit out of each other."
"That's merely another form of understanding."
"Why are you so calm about this?"
"What do you expect me to do? Ideally, NERGAL would give us three more
months, but we don't have that, we have three days. I think, for the two
weeks or so they've spent together, things are going wonderfully. Don't worry
about things that can't be helped."
"Mmm. Well, they're due to ship out to Satsuki Midori, where they'll
rendezvous with the new battleship, the latest in NERGAL's design. This is
assuming the ship gets off of Earth... there have been rumors."
"Yes, I've heard them. I must admit to being a bit worried about these
girls going into a powderkeg like that..."
"You think it will be a problem?"
"Only for the battleship. I suspect it will have enough troubles without
adding our three pilots into the equation. I hope the captain is skilled at
interpersonal relationships."
"...I hate when you smile like that."
***
Hikaru sat by the bar, sketching to herself and trying not to listen to
Ryoko and Izumi fight. Luckily there didn't seem to be anyone else here to
watch their antics. Even the holo-bartender had shut down.
Neither of them said anything, but Hikaru knew something had happened
that night she broke down. She suspected, though she didn't dare ask either
of them, that Izumi might have tried to kill herself and been stopped by
Ryoko. Whatever had happened, it made Ryoko watch Izumi like a hawk every
night for a week. It also made the two of them very tense towards each other.
The Nadesico was due to get here in only an hour or two in any case, which was
why they'd stayed up. Perhaps getting back to piloting would cool things off.
To be honest, Hikaru didn't really mind how Izumi acted, as long as she
was happy. And she seemed happiest when she was acting like she was right
now, making puns and teasing Ryoko. Unfortunately, Ryoko seemed to want
'serious' Izumi to be around. Ryoko was bothered by Izumi's new image and
thought it was just another form of denial.
Izumi was starting to get upset, thought, Hikaru could tell. She wished
Ryoko would just drop the whole thing. She tried to concentrate on the
drawing she was doing of the three of them, but it wasn't coming out the way
she wanted. They all looked pensive, and she'd colored a red for the
background that seemed far too deep.
*It looks like we're up against a wall of blood,* she mused, then
shivered.
"Ryoko. Drop it. Please." Hikaru looked up to see things were worse
than she'd thought. The two of them were right in each other's faces, the
shorter woman staring up in fury at Izumi's passive expression.
"I won't. Why should I? If I do, you'll just joke about it, and make
more stupid gags, and... "
Izumi's face finally showed some anger, and she backed Ryoko up a few
steps. "Why is this so important to you? Why do you want me to act like
that? Why can't you accept it? Do you want us to be like sisters, where I
take you under my wing and show you how to deal with the cruel, cruel world?
Guess what, ain't gonna happen! There is no way to deal with the cruel world!
Not by joking about it, and not by sketching, and certainly not by turning
myself into a frustrated, angry little bitch!"
"Fuck you!" Ryoko shouted, and slapped Izumi hard.
Izumi's head rocked back, then she responded with a right cross, sending
Ryoko spinning across the bar. Hikaru dropped her pad and ran over to Ryoko,
grabbing her arms just before she tore after Izumi. Unfortunately, Ryoko was
stronger and bigger than Hikaru, so she mostly just ended up sliding across
the floor. Izumi seemed to realize she'd gone too far and was trying to
apologize, but Hikaru really didn't think Ryoko was willing to listen to
reason.
"Pilots Subaru, Amano, Maki, please report to the landing bay. The
Nadesico will rendezvous with the station in one hour. Repeat, Pilots..."
The three pilots froze, seemingly stunned by the message. When they
spoke, they all had the same thought.
"It's named the *Nadesico*?!?!"
After a moment of shared disbelief, Hikaru looked at Ryoko. She was
still red-faced and livid, but the announcement appeared to have penetrated
enough so that she noticed some of Izumi's apologetic expression.
Hikaru decided that anything that needed to be said could be said later.
"Let's get down to the hangar bay. After all, we wouldn't want to make a bad
impression with our first assignment, right?" The desperation showed in her
voice.
Izumi nodded and stood. "Good point. Besides, I didn't..." Her hair
slipped down over her eyes. "In any case, to the hangar."
Ryoko slipped free of Hikaru's arms and nodded, the red in her face
slowly slipping. "Right."
And with that, the three pilots left to prepare. Hikaru's sketchbook lay
forgotten on the floor, the pensive, uncertain looks on the faces of the three
girls suddenly seeming all too appropriate.
***
"What the hell is keeping them?"
Ryoko hadn't gotten into another fight with Izumi, but she still had a
great deal of unprocessed anger, and at the moment it was being spent on the
absent Nadesico.
"Perhaps they ran into a Tulip."
Hikaru's eyes widened. "You think so? Will they be able to fight it?"
Izumi was lying on top of a large toolkit, a hand idly tapping against
the side. "It's supposed to be the best battleship Earth's minds have ever
come up with, with inventions that leave every other cruiser in the shade. I
think they'll be able to handle a few Jovians. Besides, maybe that's why it
got that name..."
Ryoko turned, puzzled. "Huh?"
"Well, after all, when a Nadesico meets a Tulip... maybe they're cross-
pollinating. Hehehehehe... HAHAHAHAHAAHAA!" Izumi's hand pounded the toolkit
harder as she laughed.
Ryoko scowled, and kicked the side of the toolkit. "Hikaru, go out there
and see what's going on."
Hikaru looked at Ryoko in disbelief. "Eeeh?"
"Well, they're an hour late! They've got to be within range, or else we
wouldn't have been paged. Don't take your Aesti, just fly out in a flitter,
introduce yourself, and we'll meet you back here. And if there *is* trouble,
then we can power things up here and go out to help them."
"But what if I get blown up?!"
"That's why you're going out in a flitter. They'll barely pick you up as
debris. Just don't transmit your signal, unless you're sure it's the
Nadesico."
"You're the one who wants to get there so fast, why don't you go?"
Hikaru was going to lose this battle, she knew, but she felt a little put out
about being used like a mining canary.
"Cause if there is trouble, Izumi and I are faster at getting the Aestis
powered up, so you can retreat and hop in."
Hikaru grumbled some more. Why'd Ryoko have to decide to be the leader
*now*? Nevertheless, she put on her helmet and got into the tiny flitter, so
small the cockpit was mostly taken up with her body.
She was still a little scared as she taxied out, radioing to the comm
officer for permission. She'd never really had any battle experience yet, and
if she encountered the Jovians, she wanted it to be in her gorgeous and
capable Aestivalis, not a tiny little coffin with no weapons.
As she started to cruise out, she flipped on communications, hoping to
catch some sign of where the Nadesico could be.
"...stunning news that the Nadesico, which was to have been impounded by
Earth's government for its own use in the war, has apparently escaped, and is
on the run with a crew loyal to its original builders, NERGAL. There is no
further news on this, but rest assured that our crack news team will -- "
Hikaru switched off the comms, her hand trembling slightly.
Who was she suppose to trust now?
***
Ryoko watched as Hikaru's flitter broke through the force field and
headed off into space. She was actually starting to feel a little more
confident, at last. She'd made a plan, used her authority. She'd behaved
like a leader. It felt good.
At least until Izumi hopped off of the toolkit and made her way over to a
comms panel. "This is Maki. Can you give us an ETA on the Nadesico? Mm-hm.
Did they say -- ahh. Thanks."
Ryoko felt her face flush again. And now she was back to feeling stupid
again. "Why didn't you mention that before I sent Hikaru out there?" she
shouted.
Izumi shrugged. "Why bother? It won't hurt anything to send her out
there, and it gave you the chance to make some decisions. You need
confidence, Ryoko."
"Then why immediately go over there and make me look stupid?"
"I wanted to know where they were. You aren't the only one worried. And
found out something interesting."
Ryoko was by now getting used to Izumi going back and forth between
moods. She decided to take advantage of this while she had it. "What's up?"
Izumi leaned back. "Apparently the Earth government decided to impound
the Nadesico and force it to fight on their side in the war against the
Jovians."
"They WHAT?!" Ryoko rose to her feet. "But wait, the Nadesico is
fighting on our side, that's the point!"
"You assume there are only two sides, though. The Nadesico was built as
a private ship for NERGAL. The government wants it under their thumb, though.
Not surprising, considering. They try to get their fingers into everything."
"But... but we're all fighting the Jovians!" Ryoko was dumbfounded. Why
was the government attacking their best chance to combat the real enemy?
Izumi sighed. "Ryoko, it's all politics. When I was with my first
lover, we were... well, we were involved in some activities I can't really
talk about. I got a very good idea of how things work around here. NERGAL
has always been a maverick company. They come up with incredible innovations,
but have no discipline as a result. The government doesn't want them as a
loose cannon... and if that means destroying them, they think it's worth the
risk."
Ryoko sat there, thinking. "So... so now what do we do?"
"We wait for the Nadesico. It escaped from Earth, despite 7 layers of
defenses hammering it, and is still on its way to rendezvous with us."
"But..." Ryoko put her hand to her forehead. "I mean... they're on the
run from Earth!"
Izumi wasn't even looking at Ryoko anymore. She seemed to be staring at
a point on the wall past Ryoko's head. "Ryoko, do you want to fight to
protect Earth and its people?"
Ryoko was a bit taken aback at Izumi's seriousness, but quickly nodded.
There wasn't any doubt in her mind about that.
"Then why not fight with the people who have the greatest chance to stop
the war? To be honest, I'd rather put my fate in with a bunch of mavericks
who are each brilliant in their own way than with a government machine. Do
you have any idea what Earth Force life is like? You think your first year of
training was bad... you were never beaten, or put in solitary simply because
of the whim of a commanding officer. We were fortunate to have a commander
who recognized our potential, and saw we could be used properly..."
Izumi drifted off, turning to stare at the floor. Ryoko was slightly
stunned at that outburst. She knew about Izumi's lovers, and her suicidal
tendencies (which thankfully seemed to be lessening), but knew almost nothing
about her past, except for vague hints of some sort of surveillance work. And
as for Izumi's beliefs... Ryoko suddenly felt shamed that she'd never bothered
to find out these kinds of things. The three of them had talked a lot, but
none of them ever really opened up. They were great colleagues and
partners... but not friends.
Izumi wasn't looking up. Ryoko was worried, she hadn't looked this
depressed in a few days. Sure, she might drive Ryoko insane with her
insistence on being a weirdo who saw double meanings in every word and took
nothing seriously, but that didn't mean the opposite was something Ryoko
wanted to see. And Izumi hurting led to Izumi with needle, something Ryoko
never wanted to see again.
Ryoko wracked her brain, trying to think of something to say. A joke,
maybe. She'd appreciate that.
Joke. Um...
"So... um... we're going to be fighting with flower power, I guess!"
Izumi seemed to freeze, then looked up at Ryoko in disbelief. After a
while, her mouth twitched, then she giggled. A normal giggle, not like her
usual snickers. "Not bad, Ryoko, not bad at all. Was that your first?"
Ryoko blinked. "First what?"
"First joke. Don't worry, it was good for both of us. I was satisfied."
Ryoko sensed she was being made fun of in some way she wasn't quite
getting, but at least Izumi wasn't looking sad and pensive anymore. She sat
up. "Um... OK, since we don't know anything about the situaion we'll meet,
why don't we get the Aestis ready now, so we can be ready no matter what
happens."
Izumi smiled again. "Yes sir, leader sir."
"And knock that off!"
***
Ryoko looked down from where she was making final checks of her
Aestivalis. Izumi had left on some sort of errand, leaving Ryoko to charge up
the Aestis and link them together to synch with her own. She was now
returning with a cart on which shoot a huge white sheet, actually just a piece
of large fabric.
She started to spring out to see what was going on, but Izumi waved her
back into the cockpit. She quickly walked to a comm panel.
"Stay there, we need your Aesti for this."
"What the hell is that?"
"It's a sail. They have a few on the base for the solar winds
competitions."
"...we're sailing over to the Nadesico."
"Of course we are. I said it'd be a breeze. HeheheheHAHAHAHAHA..."
Ryoko clutched the side of her Aesti and tried not to scream. "Why do we
need the sail."
"We're going to tie it between the Aestis in a bow."
Ryoko suddenly understood. "A peace flag!"
"Nadesico's probably pretty jumpy at the moment. We don't want three
fully armed Aestis heading towards them with no warning, they may shoot first
and answer communications later. This may help to show we've no bad
intentions."
"Unless they really are traitors."
"Ryoko, you worked with NERGAL's engineers all during training. Did they
look like the kind of people who would sell out their planet to the Jovians?"
Ryoko scowled. "No one ever does."
"You've been watching too many spy films."
"OK, let's tie up this sheet, then. I wanna get out of here and onto
that ship. Once our questions are answered, I'll feel a lot better."
She saw Izumi move her hand up to put her hair out of her eyes.
"You and me both, Ryoko."
Ryoko got into the cockpit and reached out to grab the sheet. She always
enjoyed this dextrous work, showing that the Aesti wasn't just a war machine
but a fully functioning tool for other work. It was tricky tying invisible
knots in front of your eyes to make things work, but after only two tries, she
managed to accomplish a decent bow.
She grinned, and gave a thumbs up to Izumi, standing on top of the
toolkit. Izumi jaauntily returned the gesture.
That was when the world blew up.
At least, that's what it seemed like to Ryoko. She ewas thrown violently
backwards, the Aesti almost tipping over. She managed to right it only by
activating the thrusters, which also served to send the entire unit juddering
forward, since all three Aestis were now slaved to her one control panel. She
set her teeth, waiting to crash into the front of the hangar.
Which was why suddenly finding herself in open space surprised her. She
turned her screen 180 degrees, and found that most of the hangar wasn't there
anymore, Instead, all she saw was fire and molten metal.
The whole thing couldn't have taken more than five seconds, at the end of
which Ryoko had set thrusters at maximum and was speeding away from the
station as fast as she could.
She was remembering Izumi's grinning face, standing well away from her
own Aesti as the explosions hit.
***
Hikaru leaned up against a metal grating, still panting heavily. She'd
always dreamed about doing this, but this time it seemed her dream was
becoming a nightmare.
She'd just spotted the Nadesico, or at least what she'd thought was the
Nadesico, when suddenly the space station behind her simply started to
explode. She had watched, stunned, as the fire spread through the entire
base, turning it into scrap in less than a minute. With Ryoko and Izumi on
board.
Stunned, she had sat there watching the wreckage, hoping for some sign,
maybe a communication from Ryoko saying they escaped or a giggling one from
Izumi saying the base was still there and it had been a joke.
Unfortunately, she was so stunned that she had ended up crashing the
flyer into the side of the Nadesico. The flyer, meant to be used as a
lightweight and undetectable reconnaisance vehicle, was almost totalled.
Hikaru had sealed up her flight suit and abandoned it, determined not to have
all three pilots die. She would make her way to the Nadesico and ensure her
friends hadn't died in vain.
That is assuming the Nadesico was trustworthy.
Hikaru had frozen in place, remembering the news report. Was the
Nadesico now in the hands of deadly traitors? She had no way of knowing what
situation she was walking into. The NERGAL engineers in training had seemed
nice, if eccentric, but what if it was all an act?
No, she couldn't simply waltz up and introduce herself as the new pilot.
She'd need to be sneaky.
That was how she found herself breaking into the ship, setting off about
twenty-odd alarms, and taking refuge in a service duct near the crew quarters.
So far, so good. Well, relatively speaking.
She shuffled along the creaking ducts, noting that even if the ship was
meant to be incredibly state-of-the-art, its ducts were still both filthy and
incredibly unstable. You'd think the engineers hadn't planned for spies to
crawl along them at all.
Suddenly she heard voices coming from the room below. For a moment she
tensed, convinced they'd found her, but then she realized that the voices were
quite familiar. In fact, she'd grown up with them.
Gekiganger! And not just any Gekiganger, but the episode with Joe's
death! Hikaru felt the familiar emotions welling up inside her as she
replayed the dialogue for the thousandth time in her head. All her doubts
about Nadesico vanished. Anyone who watched Gekiganger was not a traitor or
villain, that's for sure.
She put her ear against the bottom of the shaft, straining to hear the
final dialogue. She could feel tears running down her cheeks, the emotions
she'd held back since seeing the station explode lost in a haze of Gekiganger-
induced trauma.
Unfortunately, that was when the duct gave way, and she fell headlong
into the room.
***
Izumi sat huddled in the center of the toolkit, trying not to either
freeze to death, die from lack of oxygen, or crack her head open from the
violent shaking.
When the explosions had hit, Izumi was thrown almost ten feet into the
air. She spun, seeing where her own Aesti was. Too far. And Ryoko was
moving too. Good for her, she reacted fast in a crisis.
Then the decision was taken away from her, as she landed in the center of
the toolkit. The lid must have jostled open in all the chaos, long enough at
least to swallow her up. Unfortunately, before she could catch her breath, it
closed again, leaving her trapped in a small, nearly airless box that could
only be opened from the outside.
She had tried using her comms unit to contact Ryoko, but either hers was
switched off or there was a fault because there was no answer. It could even
simply be that Izumi couldn't be heard - Ryoko was flying the Aestis like a
bat out of hell, and the toolkit was bouncing to and fro like a pinball.
After a few minutes Izumi simply resigned herself to lying there with her arms
braced, hoping she wouldn't end up being too bruised.
The others probably thought she was dead. Ironically, the one time she
could easily have been killed, and she managed to cheat death and stay alive.
Yes, the gods were definitely watching out for her.
The silly part of her mind considered making a huge entrance from the
toolkit, like some sort of fairy creature come back to life. Hopefully she'd
have more sense than to do something like that - Ryoko would certainly not
take it very well.
She could feel herself getting light-headed. Dammit, why didn't peeople
plan for things like this to happen? Being trapped in a toolkit with the air
running out while on the run from space after your station blew up - it needed
to be a priority. She'd write a letter to the editor of whatever magazine it
was that did that sort of thing.
Oxygen Monthly. Modern Toolkit. For The Discerning Mackerel.
"Hehehehe..."
***
Ryoko sighed as she led the parade of Aestivalises into the Nadesico's
hangar. The white sail had turned out to be a good idea; they almost had been
fired on. Luckily she'd managed to clear things up, and was now headed inside
to greet her new crew.
This wasn't exactly the way she'd envisioned things when the commander
had assigned her to this group. A perky young pilot with an anime fixation
and another one who ran from suicidal to hysterical to just plain weird. And
now one was missing and the other was almost certainly dead.
Ryoko bit her lip. She'd wanted to get closer to them. She'd gotten
used to Hikaru's pep, and was even starting to work out her differences with
Izumi. If things had gone differently, maybe they'd finally have gotten to
become good friends.
But there were more important things to worry about now. Meeting her new
crewmembers, talking to the captain, and seeing if she could find out who'd
blown up the station. The Jovians were the obvious suspects, but sabotage
wasn't really their thing. And there hadn't been any other crafts around when
Ryoko escaped.
She clamped down on her emotions, ready to give them the old couldn't
care less tomboy attitude. She was good at that.
Still, one thing to look forward to: at least now she'd be able to fight
the good fight and not get bogged down in emotional trainwrecks or loopy
weirdness.
Yup, things were looking up.
END
Author's Notes: Can I just say that Nadesico continuity is a big fat bitch?
The reason this took so long to write up is the fact that I kept trying to
reconcile this fic with everything hinted at in the TV series. The reason
that the fic is finally released is I finally gave up and tried to make it at
least vaguely readable.
A note on characterization: I tried to convey a certain amount of the
Nadesico girl's basic personas while incorporating my own ideas into their
pasts and backgrounds. In some cases, such as Izumi's, this was an extensive
change. Izumi's a very difficult character to write no matter which
characterization you use. She's also my favorite. And so I decided to
experiment a little, using bits of information from Episode 21 and some
screencaps I saw in the Blank of Three Years video, to give a good reasoning
as to why she might act like that. After all, for such a wacky punster, she
does have a fairly sad expression...
Thanks to my prereaders on this fanfic: Alan Harnum, RpM, Donny Cheng, Andrew
Huang, Mercutio and Lara Bartram.
--Sean Gaffney
--June 29, 2000