Hey Matthew,

the story is pretty good... but there is a premise I don't really agree with.

Your story basically states that all of the women in his life love him for his power.

For Washuu... I will not disagree. With the mystery of his power gone, she would have nothing to keep her there.

The other girl always found Tenchi attractive for personality and his chivalry. The fact that Tenchi always threw himself in harms way for them... no matter how badly he was out-classed spoke volumes about his character.

Mihoshi would probably stay if she could. She's dumb enough not to care.

Aeka... I don't know. I know she likes him... but a Tenchi without any power may seem beneath her... but then again, the Tenchi who carried her out of the rain in episode 3 had no real power (that they were aware of).

Sasami... I can't say. She might hold out the longest... but once she hit puberty, she would probably give Tenchi the heave-ho.

But Ryouko... she's been in love with Tenchi since he was a baby. His power meant nothing to her. Of all the characters, she would the one to hang around.

She may not feel compelled to watch him 24 hours a day anymore (with Aeka gone), but I can't imaging her straying too far from the roost.

Tenchi, his father and grand-father are the closest thing to family she has now.

Her portrayal I don't accept.

As for Tenchi giving up his power... Right on. His character has always hated the madness that came with it. I bet his grandfather would've done the same if he could.


For the narrative, you might want to change to past tense. Present tense reads funny.

    And the Man, not the Emperor, replies, "Because I can do what I
want. I go where I want to go, do what I want to do, and there are
none to gainsay me. I am not held, like a bird in a cage, however
gilded. No one to second guess me, no advisors to whisper in my ear
and think for me and say what I can and cannot do. I belong to
myself and only those I choose.
    "I am free, Tenchi Masaki."

I loved this particular passage... and it paints the picture quite well for many figures of authority.

As soon as they get into any form of power, they are always told by underlings what they can and cannot do.

I find that rather ironic.

of course. You are my friends, my family." Washu confirmed-- not a
trace of Jurai left in body-- completely, one hundred percent,
totally and mundanely human.

This doesn't make much sense.

Tenchi is the offspring of a human and juraian. I don't think he could get rid of that aspect of himself without somehow having his DNA rewritten.

Dumping his power, maybe... but dumping his heritage. Never.

Youshou is still his grandfather, right?

Empire, Washu on her research, of course. Two years since the last
visit, in fact.

Means he doesn't have to keep rebuilding the house.


A nice story... but I couldn't buy into it.