The Accidental Goddess
A Ranma 1/2 - Aa! Megami-sama FanFiction
By
D.F. Roeder
Based on the proposal, "New Life 1/2", by G. E. Jordan, Jr., and
used with his kind permission. Thanks for your ongoing interest in
this project.
Previous chapters and other fanfictions may be found at:
http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html
C&C very welcome. Respond to FFML or privately to
dfroeder@flash.net.
Disclaimers and acknowledgments at the end.
A glossary of possibly unfamiliar Japanese words at the end.
====================
Chapter 5 - Be it ever so humble...
====================
The assembled persons, affianced and otherwise, stared at the four
people inside the magical chalk transport gate, who had just arrived
amid noise and bright light. Almost as one, their eyes gravitated to
the redhead hovering in midair, trying to find a hint of their
beloved, friend, rival, or student in the ethereal and beautiful
goddess.
Ranma floated forward a bit, smiled weakly, and waved. "Um... Hey,
gang. What's--" A familiar, urgent gurgle of protest from her middle
echoed dimly in the training hall. "--up?"
Abashed, Ranma put her hands over her stomach and bobbed slightly.
"Anou..."
A collective sigh of relief echoed loudly in the hall, followed by
giggles and thankful laughter.
"Hey!" Ranma protested, then calmed a little. "Um... Kasumi? When's
dinner?"
Laughing merrily, Kasumi said, "Whenever you'd like, Ranma-chan."
"That's great!" Ranma grinned before looking over the rest, her eyes
falling first on the lavender-haired Amazon. "Heya, Shampoo."
"Ai-Airen..." Shampoo was still having difficulty with her instincts
telling her that Ranma was now a *woman*. She shifted her stance
uncomfortably.
Ranma looked at her strangely, but then a flash of toothy white
caught her eye, and she turned to a smiling Cologne. However,
something about the Joketsuzoku Elder's mirth bothered Ranma.
"Um... How's it goin', Obaba?"
Cologne chose her one word carefully and for full effect. "Ranma."
Shampoo whipped her head towards her great-grandmother in surprise,
and Ranma almost fell out of the air. <She didn't call me
'Son-in-Law'?! I got a bad feelin' about this!> But before she could
chase that thought further, a particular figure stepped into full
view.
"Akane..." Ranma whispered. Her eyes softened and she smiled. She'd
crossed a dimension waiting to see Akane's beautiful face, and Ranma
started floating toward her.
Ukyou frowned. <He hasn't even said anything to me!> "Hey, Ranchan!"
Ranma jerked to a stop, and an uncustomary annoyance flashed in her
eyes, but she sighed and stopped herself. <It's not her fault. I'm
gonna have to talk ta her real soon, or-->
"Ranchan?" Ukyou asked with some worry.
"Errr, hey, Ucchan." Ranma smiled wanly. "What's up?"
"I... I'd say you are, Sugar."
Ranma looked past her feet to the floor about thirty centimeters
further down. "A-heh, yeah... It's a long story, Uccha--"
"Pigtailed... goddess..." The scion of Clan Kunou, momentarily
forgotten, staggered forward, his bokken slipping from his hand to
clatter on the floor. When Tatewaki had first seen one of the two
objects of his desire appear, floating and radiant like the divine
woman he knew her to be, he went into a trance, his mind completely
focused on the loveliness before him. The sounds of conversation had
slowly brought him back to himself.
"Now, Kunou..." Ranma warned and floated back a short distance.
Tatewaki abruptly launched himself through the air, and Ranma put up
her fists in a ready stance, her feet switching back and forth
beneath her. The fight ended before it began because Tatewaki
disappeared from sight. Ranma blinked and looked down to see him
prostrating himself on the floor.
"Oh, my pigtailed goddess!! Let me worship at your feet!! Let me
pray to your magnificence!! Fill me with your divine love that I may
whisk you away from these foul environs and show you my true--"
*POW!!!*
"URK!!!"
Ranma ground her elbow into his skull. "Don't you DARE pray to me,
Kunou!! I ain't NEVER gonna hear YOUR prayers, you SICKO, so forget
it!!"
Unfortunately, Tatewaki wasn't out. Having not had the benefit of
the leverage from gravity or from falling from a height, the force
behind Ranma's blow was insufficient to fell the amorous kendoist
and almost sent her careening out of control. She quickly regained
control, but she didn't have long to enjoy it.
*GLOMP!*
"EYAAAA!!!"
"Pigtailed girl, errr, GODDESS!!! I AM YOUR SLAVE!! COMMAND ME!!!"
While most gawked at the spectacle of Kunou molesting a screeching
Ranma, Cologne pogoed over to the other arrivals. She yanked on
Urd's robe, and the eldest Norn looked down.
"Hello. Who are you?" Urd asked.
Cologne smirked at her. "Don't tell me you've forgotten me after
only eighty years, Urd-sama."
"Ummm..."
"Cologne... of the Joketsuzoku."
Urd blink-blinked and then stared. "Cologne-CHAN?! Wha-What happened
to you?!"
The old woman cackled. "I got old-- OOF!"
Swept off her feet by the goddess, Cologne suffered her august
personage to be cradled in Urd's arms.
"Cologne! EEE! It's so GOOD to see you again!" Goddess and Elder
retired to the sidelines to chat.
Kodachi was not a happy camper. Expecting to see her Ranma-sama in
the dojo, what she got was the female version instead. She stamped
her foot.
"I am NOT amused!"
"That's okay, Sweetie!"
Kodachi peered down at a wrinkled gnome clutching her breasts.
"You're not the main course," he said, "but I could do with an
appetizer." Happousai buried his face in Kodachi's bosom and frotted
around.
Kodachi scowled haughtily. "How DARE you relegate a member of House
Kunou to such a pedestrian place on your men... u..." She put her
hands on the sides of her face. "EGAD, WHAT AM I *SAYING*?!?!"
Happi just cackled and threw in an additional grope.
"EEEEEE!!! BROTHER!! RANMA-SAMAAAAA!!!" Ribbon flying, Kodachi
bounded around the dojo, trying to beat, pry, or otherwise remove
the unwanted attachment.
~~~~~
Mara rounded one corner of the dojo and stealthily approached an
open window. She almost jumped out of her skin when shouting started
to emanate from every crack in the building.
<What's going on in there? A war?> She blinked as she saw a panda
slink behind the far corner at the rear of the structure. <This
place is weirder than Belldandy's temple house.>
Ridding herself of distracting thoughts, Mara crept up to the window
and peeked in.
<Ah, HA!> Her eyes followed Kunou as he glomped the new sex goddess.
She felt a momentary rage at the young goddess build in her, but she
stamped it down. <All in good time... All in good time...>
She took note of the positions of the Norns and waited for an
opportunity to enter unnoticed.
~~~~~
"KUNOU! ARGH!! EEEK!!! DON'T TOUCH ME *THERE*!!!"
"MY GODDESS!!! I BEG YOU!! COMMAND--"
*WHAP!*
*BONK!*
*CLAAAAANG!*
"--MEEEeeee..."
Ranma jumped at the sound of a dull thud and looked down to see her
groper laid out on the floor, sporting lumps. Akane, Ukyou, and
Shampoo straightened, battle auras blazing and signature weapons in
hand, with Akane holding Tatewaki's forgotten bokken.
Ranma patted the top of her chest with the flat of her hand, and
then started as she realized how feminine the gesture was.
Ukyou blinked at the battle spatula in her hand. "Where'd THIS come
from?!"
Ranma floated down. "Hey, Ucchan! I found one of your battle
spatulas up there. The lady in charge of weapons put some spells on
it, too!"
"Really?!" Ukyou hefted it and swung it a few times. "It's so
*light*!" <Hmmm, that could be a problem, but better not say so to
Ranchan.>
"Yeah, it's supposed to never need sharpenin' and I think it comes
back to ya if ya lose it."
Ukyou clutched the spatula to her and gazed adoringly at Ranma. "Oh,
Ranchan! You DO love--" Ukyou phased out for a few seconds, although
a blank smile formed on her face.
"Ucchan?"
"Ukyou?"
"What wrong, Spatula-Girl?"
Her eyes cleared, and Ukyou blinked at the faces peering at her.
"What just happened, Ucchan?"
Blushing purple, Ukyou just mumbled, "Never you mind." <What the
hell brought THAT on?!>
Everyone stepped to one side as Kodachi bounded past. "EEEE!!!"
*BONK, BONK!* "LET GO!! EEEEE!!!" Everyone stepped back to their
original positions.
"Are ya sure you're okay, Ucchan?"
Shampoo was displeased to see Ranma fussing over one of her rivals,
so she got straight to the point, in spite of her earlier
reservations.
"AIREN!!" *GLOMP!* "You choose Shampoo!"
"GAH! Shampoo, really, I think we should all--"
"Hang on there, Sugar!" Ukyou left the matter of her sensations to
another time. "That's MY fiance!"
*GLOMP!* "Hiya, Ranchan. Did ya miss me?"
Ranma's head whipped back and forth between Ukyou and Shampoo, both
of whom had taken to growling at the other.
"Girls! Look, let's have a nice cup of--"
"RAAANNNMAAAAA!!"
"... Oh, no..." Ranma bigsweated.
Akane launched into the hugging threesome, trying to pry Ukyou and
Shampoo away. After a few seconds of struggling, the three of them
managed to pull and yank each other into a rough triangle, squeezing
Ranma in the center.
"Girls-- OOF!! Please! OUCH!! I don't-- ITEEEE!!" *GASP!* "I...
can't... breathe..."
The fiancees paid Ranma little mind as they continued to struggle
for dominance, low grunts and hisses accompanying their efforts.
Ranma began to panic under the pressure.
*ZAP!*
The three struggling young women relaxed and turned their gazes to
Ranma, who'd put her fists under her chin and whose own gaze was
darting between the three faces above her.
With big kawaii eyes, she pleaded, "Oh, no. Please? No..."
Three pairs of eyes began to burn with unbridled lust, and mouths
began to drool.
"... Oh... no..."
*POUNCE!*
"GAAAAHHHH!!! NONONONOOOOO!!! HEEEEELP!!!"
Nodoka observed the tangle of bodies, Ranma not visible. "Ranma is
so manly!" She put her finger to her mouth and thought aloud, "Or
should that be womanly? Well, if that's the case, then... but what
about Akane... Oh, this has become so terribly confusing."
Belldandy and Skuld, standing next to her, multiple-sweatdropped.
Kodachi was still not faring well in her battle against the
molesting centenarian. "Vile beast!!" *BAM!* *WHAPWHAP!!* "Let GO!!
Or the Black Rose of-- EEP! DON'T PINCH!!"
"Hotchaaaa!!"
Kodachi made a turn midway down one side of the dojo interior and
swept past the still-standing Nodoka, Belldandy, and Skuld. Skuld
was closest, and as Kodachi bounded by, pounding on Happousai with
the handle of her ribbon, the free end of the ribbon wrapped around
the youngest goddess--
"URK!!"
--and pulled her along for the ride.
"Skuld!" Belldandy cried and gave chase.
"ONEESAMA!! HELP!!!"
~~~~~
"Ha! Now's my chance!" The demoness vaulted into the dojo through
the window and landed lightly on her feet. She moved around,
avoiding undesirables, and positioned herself to best advantage.
~~~~~
A panda crept across the rear of the dojo to the next corner, looked
around it, and then decided he was in a good spot. He hunkered down
and listened to the commotion inside.
~~~~~
Buried in a bush and getting his clothing and hair intolerably
mussed, Retsuji snarled and peeked out between the leaves. He almost
screeched when he saw that same panda that had booted him across
half of town look around the far corner of the building. The panda's
head pulled back, and then the edge of its butt and its little
fluffy white tail were visible, showing the beast to be seated on
the ground.
Retsuji nodded to himself and crept out of the foliage. He took a
moment to silently rearrange his clothing and hair, pulling leaves
out of this place and that. Sighing, he decided that it was the best
he could expect under the circumstances and moved underneath and
peeked in one window.
He immediately saw his quarry in the middle of some kind of
tug-of-war between three other girls. They appeared to be arguing
possession or something. <Not a chance, ladies-- eh?>
A brief and small flash of magic tickled his senses, and he watched,
amazed, as the three arguing women ceased their struggles and turned
to the goddess with eyes burning from an emotion he knew all too
well: lust. As the women tortured the redhead with caresses, kisses,
licks, and other torrid actions, a line of drool began to fall from
the corner of his mouth and an uncomfortable pressure began to
build.
<If I get the goddess, the rest will follow. Oh, my Dark Lord, the
fun the five of us will have! Oh, my greatest reward! So sweet, so
succulent... all of them! I've been waiting for this all my
existence! Heeheeee! Oh, I can just imagine it!>
The line of drool thickened, spilling down his shirt as he hoisted
himself into the window.
~~~~~
"AAAACCKKKK!!! GIRLS! NONONONO! Oooh... GAAAH!!! HEEEEELP!!!"
Finally returning to consciousness and hearing Ranma's cry, Tatewaki
leapt to his feet, all evidence of damage gone. "PIGTAILED GODDESS!!
I SHALL COME TO YOUR-- UUURRRK!!!"
"Where ya goin', Stud?"
Kunou cranked his head around and looked down into a pair of
bloodshot eyes framed in white-blonde hair. He frowned for a second,
wondering at a hint of sadness in the woman's yellowed sclera, but
the mouth below the eyes belched a cloud of whiskey breath, and
Tatewaki turned green, his one ounce of more subtle thought blasted
away.
"Madam," *COUGH, COUGH!* "--unhand me! The fair--" *COUGH!*
"--pigtailed giRRRRR-- EEP!!"
"The name's Mara, Honeysword. You're not goin' anywhere!" Mara
clutched at him with one hand while roaming with the other.
"MADAM! Don't touch me THEEEERRREEE!! YOW!!!"
~~~~~
"ACK!! DON'T PUT YOUR HAND *THERE*! EEEE!!! NO, UCCHAN, I DON'T
THINK THE HANDLE OF YOUR NEW SPATULA IS SUDDENLY SO INTERESTIN'!
AKANE!! DON'T LICK THAT!! Ooooh... EEEP! SHAMPOO! GET YOUR HAND...
Oh, my... OUTTA THERE!! Mmmm... ACK!! NONONOOOO!!!"
The sound of tearing cloth emanated from the pile.
"HEY!!! THEM'S MY GOOD CLOTHES!!"
*RIP, RIP, RIIIIP!!*
"WAAAAHHH!! Oooh, ye-- NO!! AKANE!! DON'T PUT YOUR MOUTH ON THAT!!
AAACK!!! UCCHAN!! NOT YOU TOO?!?! ... Oh... Oh... Oh, my Goddddd...
Hey, where's Shampoo?"
She looked down to see a head of lavender hair in her lap.
"EYAAAA!!! NOOOO!!!"
Ranma finally found the physical fortitude to disengage herself from
her suitors, and zipped up and away. She gawked at the feral grins
on the faces of Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyou, and her eyes bulged when
she noted that Shampoo had Ranma's metallic-green panties pulled
over her head like a showercap, the buns of her odango sticking
through the leg holes. Ranma belatedly realized that she was
completely nude.
"EEEEEE!!!" Ranma floated away and, unfortunately, down, backing
into a fourth pair of arms. The hands attached to those arms gently
grabbed her breasts, glowed slightly, and squeezed and massaged in
just the right ways. Assaulted by her own body's messages, Ranma was
frozen in physical indecision.
"Hello, my dear. Shall we away from these awful women? I can see
what you need, I know what you desire. I KNOW..."
Ranma's eyes began to glaze over, as Retsuji began to bring his
foremost skill into play: persuasion. He began to back towards the
window, pulling the levitating goddess with him.
"Your body aches for my touch. You need to feel me inside of--"
*WHAMM!!!*
Akane had called forth her weapon of choice and flattened Retsuji
with an extra-large hammer; the lust demon finally received his
greatest reward. <Where were you, Mara?> was his last thought before
losing consciousness. Ranma blinked out of her daze.
"Hands off, BUB!" Akane cried. "That's MY property you're perving
with!!"
Ranma was stunned at Akane's words, and she was distracted by the
feeling of her insides going all gooey. Big mistake, as the other
two fiancees dragged her back down to the floor.
"WAAAHHH!!!"
Akane dove in, but that also proved to be an error. The pressure
from her landing caused Ranma to squirt out of the menage-a-quatre
and zoom across the dojo. She passed another struggling pair as she
went.
"MADAM!! Unhand the Kunou family's future glory!!"
"Say hi, Mr. Sword!"
Mara and Kunou were bowled over and trampled by a pursuing trio of
amorous women.
"Sugar, don't run off!"
"Ranma, come back here and take your pleasure, darn it!"
"Airen, you wait!"
Ryouga was still present in the dojo, but he was laid out on the
ground, his lifeblood seeping away, doomed to nasal ejection by
virtue of the four women who'd been going at it on the dojo floor.
His eyes gazed but did not see.
Ranma got control of her flight and began to somewhat enjoy watching
Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo chase her around, calling out for her to
stop and let them love her. It was a huge ego boost, but the
inflation of self-esteem was interspersed with shuddering -- if not
necessarily unpleasant -- recollections of what they would do with
her if they caught her.
Panda-chan chose that moment to peek in a window at the chaos. He
blinked, and then spied Nodoka standing in the middle of the storm.
He fidgeted, and then made one of the few truly altruistic decisions
of his life. Waving a sign that said <"I will save you, my wife!">
he bounded in through the window, short legs in a hurdler's
position.
He hadn't taken more than two steps before Kodachi landed on his
head, driving him to the ground. Fortunately, Skuld whizzed by
overhead and came to no harm.
Then Belldandy ran over his back. "GROWF!"
Panda-chan staggered to his feet, a new sign waving to Nodoka, who
had her back to him. <I fight on!> One step.
*POW!*
"HEY! Watch where yer goin', Oyaji!"
Now on his back, Panda-chan was quickly run over by three pursuing
fiancees.
"GROOWWWW-OW-OW!!!" Little panda tears fell to the floor as he
clutched his crotch.
*BAM!*
Kodachi again, still beating Happousai about the face and neck.
"Foul beast! Remove thy carcass!"
Mewling, Panda-chan crawled towards Nodoka, only to be stomped on by
Tatewaki.
"ARGH! The Blue Thunder is beset upon all fronts! Get thee to a ZOO!
URK! Madam! Please!"
"C'mon, Baby! Let Mara rock your world!"
"I save myself for the glorious pigtailed goddess and the fierce
tigress, Tendou AkaAAAHHH!!! Pray remove thy hand from within mine
hakama."
Finally falling at Nodoka's feet, Panda-chan released himself from
awareness.
"Oh, hello, Dearest. Isn't it an exciting day?"
Off to the side, Cologne and Urd continued to chat and paid no mind
to the goings-on around them; they were used to it. Urd would often
mime an explosion with her hands, and Cologne would nod wisely in
response.
For Ranma, doom came from behind. The lusting trio had almost
snagged her when she'd run into her father, so she'd put on an extra
burst of speed, circled the interior of the dojo a couple of times,
and then backed right into Tatewaki and Mara.
Kendoist and demoness fell to the floor, but Tatewaki was up in a
flash, squishing the naked Ranma to him.
"PIGTAILED GODDESS!! YOU'VE RETURNED TO ME!!!"
"GAAAHHH!!!"
The two fiancees and Amazon-law wife stopped, generating enough
battle aura to light a small town. Fortunately, Ranma's danger sense
had survived the conversion to kami and started going off, but it
wasn't from the direction of her glowing, would-be lovers.
Ranma shot into the air, dragging Tatewaki along, as a sphere of
black mana passed through the space where they'd been. The sphere
impacted against the dojo wall and exploded, opening a huge hole.
Being taller than Ranma, Tatewaki slammed headfirst through the dojo
roof and hung there by his jaw, once again unconscious. Ranma buzzed
around and confronted her attacker.
A shaking Mara with glowing eyes shot off another mana blast, which
Ranma narrowly dodged. The mana blasted a large hole in the ceiling.
It loosened Tatewaki, and he fell to the dojo floor. Everyone
stopped their activities and stared.
"HEY! What the hell are you doin'?!"
"YOU... YOU, YOU *BITCH*!!"
"Wha--?"
"MANSTEALER!!!" Another blast, another dodge. This time, one of the
corner supports for the dojo was destroyed and the building groaned
in protest.
Ranma blinked. "KUNOU?!?! HELL, Lady, you can HAVE him!!"
Mara's eyes narrowed. "OH, no! You're not getting off THAT easy! It
happened once. It's NOT HAPPENING AGAIN!! RAAA!!!"
Another boiling globe of black energy arced away from Mara's hands
and blew out most of another wall.
Ranma was conflicted between concern for those around her, confusion
over what the crazy woman was talking about, and elation over
finally having something she knew how to deal with -- a fight. She
absently dodged yet another blast, which took out part of yet
another wall.
Near the entrance, Soun was apoplectic. "My... my dojo..."
Kasumi rubbed his shoulders. "There, there, Father. I'm sure it'll
be all right."
Nabiki rolled her eyes.
Ranma narrowed her eyes after another dodge. "Okay, Lady, ya wanna
play rough?! I'll see yer mojo and raise ya one sword!" She held out
her hand. "HOSHI-NO-SHINZOU!!!" Amaterasu's katana faded in and then
flared to life, wisps of fiery mana coruscating off the sharpened
edge. "Let's dance," she grimly invited.
Tatewaki blearily came to and then stared in awe at the sight of
Ranma wielding what could only be a weapon worthy of the greatest
swordswoman, someone fit to stand by his side and face the battles
of life. It didn't hurt that it was two of his favorite things
wrapped up into one. "Oh, my goddess," he whispered.
Mara only obliquely registered the threat in Ranma's voice; her eyes
were glued to the katana. Knowledge of weapons of permanent
dissolution was drilled into each and every demon, and the
Hoshi-no-Shinzou, the Star Heart, figured prominently among them
despite its centuries-long absence, as few entities could survive
sunfire. Seeing such a weapon in the hands of an untested trainee
first-rank goddess was not making Mara's day.
Ranma started slowly floating towards Mara, and Mara eeped,
levitated, and shot out the window, her dingy hair whipping. Ranma
was after her like a shot, and the chase was on.
Akane, Ukyou, and Shampoo leapt through the window after her.
"Ranchan!"
"Ranma!"
"Airen, you wait!"
Urd rushed to the window. "Don't kill her, Ranma!" she yelled.
"Yeah, yeah!" Ranma called back.
Urd leaned back from of the window and then started when she felt a
sudden draft. She whirled around to see a shrunken old man scowling
up at her.
"You're not wearing any underwear!" Happousai complained. "If you
don't wear any precious darlings, where's MY fun?!"
"Why, you..." Urd's hands curled into claws, and she tensed, ready
to beat the life out of the little pervert, but stopped. "Hey! We
sent you to Niflheim!"
"That was YOU?!" Happi started glowing with battle-aura, but it
abruptly winked out. "Oh, well," he chortled. "For your punishment,
I'll just have to settle for the real stuff. Sweeto!" He sprang at
Urd, and she tried to grab him, but Happi just twisted around her
grasping hands and disappeared into her robes.
"EEK!!" Urd jumped, skittered, waltzed, and mambo'ed around the
creaking dojo, trying to remove the pest next to her skin.
"Hotchaaa!"
Belldandy paused in unwrapping her little sister from Kodachi's
ribbon -- Kodachi lay on the floor, panting in exhaustion -- and she
and Skuld watched Urd as she tore at her clothing while moving
erratically around the room. Bits of goddess robe began to litter
the floor.
"WHAT'S she DOING?!" Skuld wondered in shock and embarrassment.
"Well..." Belldandy hesitated for a second, then beamed at her
sister. "Urd's always been something of an exhibitionist, you know."
"..."
Off to one side, Cologne shook her head and followed Kasumi as she
and Nabiki helped their father back into the house. <I could use one
of Kasumi's fine cups of tea.> She had a lot to think about
concerning the best way to approach Ranma. <A goddess, no less, for
the tribe. This has possibilities. Now, how to do it and in what
capacity? Hmmm...>
~~~~~
It was a new sight for the good people of Nerima Ward, jaded as they
were to such things. A frightened woman in biker-style garb, flying
erratically around buildings, was being chased by a nude redhead,
waving a glowing sword and occasionally swiping at the other. In
turn, they were followed on the ground by three women, brandishing
assorted weaponry and calling to the redhead to come down and make
love to them. It was odd, however, that the one carrying the big
spatula would occasionally stumble, slow down, stand still and
smile, shudder, and then run like hell to catch back up.
The residents of Nerima blinked once, if they did at all, and
quickly (for their sanity's sake) chalked it up to more, even
stranger doings at old man Tendou's. If it wasn't flying minotaurs,
or something similar, it was odd balls of glowing air shooting off
at random.
~~~~~
Two young men were strolling along a street, chatting about this and
that; mostly about girls and what made them physically different
from themselves.
Mara whipped by them, causing their hair to lift.
"Whoa! What was THAT?!" Hiroshi asked.
"It smelled like... booze," Daisuke added.
*THUD! THUD!*
"Oi!!! Get outta the way!"
Hiroshi and Daisuke sat up from the pavement and watched the
wonderful rear view presented them as a gorgeous natural redhead
zoomed through the air and disappeared around the corner of a
building.
"Was that...?"
"I believe I would recognize *that* anywhere."
"I didn't know she could fly..."
"With her, it doesn't surprise me."
"I wonder if she, ERRR, he needs help."
"And would she reward us?"
"Possible, although unlikely."
"Still..."
"Still..."
Both of them flashed to their feet, fists raised to the sky and
yelling in unison, "WE WILL RESCUE YOU, RANMA-CHAN!!!"
Hiroshi and Daisuke ran down the street, following Ranma's path.
"The view was nice."
"Indeed so..."
They disappeared around the corner just before three women galloped
into the same lane, more cries echoing between the buildings.
"Ranma, don't perv to everybody else, just me!"
"Ranchan, get your cute butt down here-- Oh!"
"Airen, you wait!"
Ukyou stopped and smiled for a moment before tearing after the other
two.
~~~~~
The boozing Mara had done earlier proved to be her salvation, as she
couldn't quite find the necessary concentration to fly in straight
lines. Ranma was left to wonder: <Is she reading my moves?>
However, Ranma was steadily gaining on Mara, and the demoness looked
over her shoulder and swore. She dived at the ground, and then
pulled up sharply. Ranma was very close behind her, and since flying
was still relatively new to her, the move caught her by surprise. It
was enough of a surprise that she couldn't avoid the watermelon cart
that abruptly appeared in front of her, "Gaaaah!" and she crashed
headfirst into it.
Having temporarily lost her pursuer, Mara found herself coursing
over a large structure. She scanned for a hiding place, but time was
running out, so she opted for the incongruous grass shack sitting on
the tarred rooftop. She flew into the open door and slammed it shut,
bits of dried plant matter dusting her head and shoulders.
"Aloha, wahine!"
"Wha--?" Mara spun around to come face to face with a largish man in
Hawaiian clothes. Mara gawked at the palm tree apparently growing
out of his head.
"You new student, no?" The man smiled larger than his mouth should
have been able to accommodate. Sizable, gleaming shears appeared in
both of his hands, and a point of light glinted off of his
sunglasses. "New Furinkan wahines get da BOWLCUT!
HAAAA-HA-HA-HAAAAA!!!"
Mara slowly shook her head and then started to open her mouth, but
she was interrupted by the slash of a glowing sword through one wall
of the shack. The wall fell away to reveal a nude and scowling Ranma
covered in watermelon juice.
>From the outside, the shack shook and shuddered for several seconds,
assorted grunts and shouted Hawaiian-sounding words emanating from
the structure, before a black-mana blast destroyed most of it,
sending the loud wannabe-Hawaiian soaring through the air.
"AUWEEEE!! HAAAA-HA-HA-HAAAA!!!"
Mara blasted out of the wreckage and took off, Ranma again on her
heels, but she stopped and shook her arms.
"Ewww..." Ranma was covered in dried grass, sticking to the
evaporating watermelon juice coating her body. She caught movement
from the corner of her eye, and she turned and watched Kunou-kocho
land on his head. "What's he doing here on Sunday?! Oh, well. No
harm done." She zoomed off in fresh pursuit.
Kunou-kocho cracked his eyelids. "Dat Ranma goan get da buzzcut
yet... eh?" He smiled at the two approaching boys. "Ah, I take it
out on... them--" Hiroshi and Daisuke never slowed down, their eyes
glued to the receding redhead (trying to make out details) and only
noticing the principal as they barreled into and ran over him.
"... ung... eh? Oh, no..." Kunou-kocho's eyes widened at the trio of
armed women running up to him, who then promptly ran over him as
well, one of Shampoo's bonbori clipping him absently on the side of
the head. "... auwe... heh... ooooh..."
"Ranma, darn it! Come back and let me love you!!"
"I'll feed you, Ranchan, and then you can feed me!
YOWzaaaOOOh, my godddd!"
"Airen, you wait!"
After a few seconds, Ukyou pounded out of the schoolyard to catch up
with the other two.
Ranma kept pace with Mara, but she found that her initial anger was
largely spent (due in no small part to the itchy grass all over
her), and she was quickly becoming tired of the chase. She suspected
that she'd made her point. She aimed the sword at Mara's fleeing
back, briefly imagined lighting a fire under the demoness' butt, and
shouted, "AND DON'T COME BACK!"
To Ranma's surprise, a ball of almost white fire shot out the end of
the sword as she lowered it, "EEP!" and hit the pavement below. It
left a bubbling pool of molten tar and asphalt.
"A-heh." Ranma scratched the back of her head.
Fortunately, no one had been standing near, but a white limousine
turned the corner and drove right into the puddle, the front tires
blowing out with two rapid bangs. Sweatdropping, Ranma watched the
chauffeur bustle out, look at the pool of tar and the destroyed
tires, look up at Ranma, and then hurry to the rear window, which
rolled down at his presence. The chauffeur opened the door, and a
tall blonde woman in a flowing, white evening gown stepped out.
White flowers in a bunch, shaped like a bushy tail, erupted from the
small of her back.
"Oh, mannnn!" Ranma sighed. "Is EVERY loony out 'n about today?!"
"You, there! Floating Grass Girl! I, Asuka, the White Lily, shall
punish you for this transgression! OOOH-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!!"
Ranma cringed at the laughter. <Does EVERYBODY laugh like Kodachi?
At least she can't COW me up he--> "GAAACK!!!" She abruptly found
herself surrounded by exploding white lilies. "GAH!" She zoomed away
through the smoke, back in the direction she'd come. "Don't feel
like another silly fight right... now..."
Confused, she dismissed her sword and took stock of herself as she
flew on. <Oh, no. She didn't use gas before, and I'm running low on
juice! Musta took a page from... Koda... chi's...> By the time she'd
drifted to the ground, she was barely conscious, nude, and sprawled
in the middle of the street.
Two figures came bounding up.
~~~~~
The running slowed to jogging and then to a couple of walked steps
before the three women stopped and looked at each other. They held
their silence until:
"Oh, God! I can't believe I DID that!" Ukyou wiped her mouth on the
sleeve of her okonomiyaki vendor's uniform. "What'll Ranma think 'a
me now?!"
Shampoo ran her tongue around in her mouth. "Spatula-girl no got it
bad." She spat on the street, and then tugged Ranma's panties off
her head, blinking at them.
Akane fidgeted, thinking about what she *might* be planning for
later.
"What do now?" Shampoo folded the panties and stuck them inside her
pantsuit, intending to return them later.
"Keep lookin', Sugar, I guess... Akane?"
Akane jumped. "WHAT?! It was an accident the first time! Um...
errr..."
Akane's vision was filled with two scowling faces with half-lidded
eyes.
"How was that again, Sugar?"
"What you say?"
"Ummm..." Akane twiddled her fingers. "I say... we should split up
and look!" Akane bigsweated.
Ukyou looked at her appraisingly for a second. "Yeah... okay.
Shampoo, you go right, I'll go up the middle, and Akane can go
left," Ukyou snickered, "so to speak."
Blushing an angry red, Akane stomped off.
"Why YOU in charge?!" The future leader of the Joketsuzoku was not
pleased at her rank in the apparent pecking order.
"What? Got a better idea, Hussy?"
"Ooo! Shampoo no forget not-nice Ukyou!" One more glare, full of
menace, and Shampoo bounded away.
"Grrr. One of these days..." Ukyou started sprinting up the road,
only to stumble after a few steps.
"Ah! OH!" She stopped and couldn't keep her hips from bucking
slightly this time. <Damn it! It's getting stronger!> From seemingly
nowhere, images of onna-Ranma filled her head and caused the
pleasure to peak and then subside. She smacked herself on the face.
"Oh, no... Kuonji Ukyou, you are officially a pervert."
~~~~~
"Is that her?!" Daisuke puffed along the road.
"Yeah, man! And it looks like she really DOES need some help." The
soles of Hiroshi's shoes slapped to a stop next to Ranma's prone
form. He bent over. "Hey, Ranma. You all right?"
"Mmmblgrm..."
The boys were having a hard time keeping their eyes in their heads.
"Why is she covered in grass?" Daisuke asked. "Not that it matters.
She's still... uh... uh..." Drool threatened to spill out of his
mouth.
*BAP!*
"Put it back in your pants! She needs help!"
"Oh! Right! Uh..."
Hiroshi sighed and walked behind Ranma's head. "Grab her feet. We'll
take her back to the dojo."
Daisuke grabbed her ankles. "Ewww, she's sticky." The two boys
started moving in different directions and almost dropped Ranma.
"...guuuyysss..." she moaned, eyes still closed. "... baaaakaaa..."
If Hiroshi'd had a free hand, he would've bopped Daisuke again. "Up
the road, Dai!"
"Aw, c'mon, Hiroshi! The dojo's a long ways away. Let's, er, let's
take her to my house and clean her up there. It's closer!"
Hiroshi paused to consider that, his eyes dipping down to the form
in his and Daisuke's arms. "Um..." Temptation was beginning to chip
away at his moral rectitude, brittle as it was.
A growl echoed against the walls of the buildings lining the street,
and the sound of shoes smacking against pavement became audible and
rose in volume. The boys straightened and looked around to see the
head of an oversized mallet streaking towards them. It was the last
thing they remembered before becoming airborne and succumbing to
unconsciousness.
Akane stood over the form unceremoniously dumped on the ground,
scanning the suddenly deserted street for any more takers. A soft
sound made her glance down.
"...ow..."
"Oh, Ranma!"
Dropping the mallet, Akane bent down and hugged the smaller girl to
her. "There, there. I've got you... Ewwww. What did you roll around
in?"
Ranma laughed weakly and finally went out for the count.
Sighing, Akane hefted Ranma in a fireman's carry. "Ba-a-ka." She
looked once at the spiral-eyed Hiroshi and Daisuke. "Perverts," she
sniffed and hiked back up the road.
____________________
Ranma blinked her eyes open to darkness. Wait, something was on her
face... a wet towel. The towel was pulled away, and she saw several
faces hovering overhead. Urd's face muscled its way into the
foreground.
"Well, it lives," she said with a smile.
"Umm..."
"Next lesson, kiddo. Power runs out, and you don't want to be caught
flat-footed someplace you don't want to be."
Ranma shuddered.
Kasumi's face was next. "Here you go, Ranma-chan."
Ranma sat up and greedily took the proffered cup of coffee and
gulped it down, feeling instantly better.
"Ranma-chan," Nodoka said, "are you all right?"
"Yeah, Momma. I'm okay."
"That's good, Dear. Someone wants to see you." She shooed everyone
except Akane out of the room, sparing the two girls a look of mixed
emotion. She sighed and shut the door.
Akane stood there, looking down with her hands clasped in front of
her.
"Hey," Ranma said.
Akane looked up and grinned quickly. "Hey."
"Hey! I'm clean. Who...?"
"Your Mom and... I... er, washed you off." <I'm going to
spontaneously combust any moment now...>
"Oh... um, thanks, Akane."
Ranma's blush caused Akane to redden further. <If Ranma calls me a
pervert, oooo...>
"Um... what happened to everyone else?" Ranma patted the bed next to
her.
Relieved, Akane hesitated for a second and then sat down. "Shampoo
went home. She was, well, embarrassed."
Ranma slapped her forehead. "Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about that."
"Ryouga's lost... I guess."
The redhead snickered.
"Don't be mean, Ranma!"
Sheepish, Ranma said, "Sorry."
Akane sniffed. "Cologne went home with Shampoo. Um, Belldandy's
boyfriend came and picked her and Skuld up. Dad's in bed, weeping
over the dojo."
"Hmmm. What about Ucchan?"
Akane fidgeted and looked uncomfortable.
"What?! She okay?!"
"Yes, Ranma, Ukyou's fine... I think."
"What's *that* mean?"
"How well do you really know her?"
"Well... I dunno. What happened?"
"She's just acting very strangely. You can see for yourself."
"Um, okay. Seen Pops?"
Akane giggled, lightening the mood considerably. "Urd-sensei's been
talking about experimenting on him with some potions.
Saotome-no-obasama's been lecturing him ever since you flew out of
the dojo."
Both girls laughed at Genma's plight, but it soon fell into a
somewhat comfortable silence. Ranma traced the lines of Akane's face
with her eyes.
"Um... thanks."
"For what?"
"Well... for cartin' me home... and for gettin' that guy offa me in
the dojo." Ranma shuddered. "I don't know what he was, but I was
losin' my resistance really quick! Thanks, Akane."
Akane blushed, unaccustomed to the praise. "Uh, sure." On that
topic, she stoically refused to think of how close to *there* she'd
had to place her hands while doing the fireman's carry.
"My hero," Ranma chuckled.
Blushing even further, Akane found her fingernails to suddenly be of
intense interest. "Ba-a-ka," she said, embarrassed yet pleased,
nonetheless.
Gathering her courage, Akane opened her mouth to start the
conversation she'd waited all day for, but she was interrupted by a
loud growl from Ranma's midsection. <Of all the worst timing...>
"Heh."
*SIGH!* "Put some clothes on, and let's go downstairs." She punched
Ranma lightly on the arm.
Ranma nodded, and then had a thought. "Hey, what about the Kunous?"
"Kodachi just... left. I think she finally understands about your
curse, although I'm not sure she completely believes it yet." Then
Akane chuckled. "Saotome-no-obasama tossed Kunou-sempai out of the
house."
"Yeah, Momma can be pretty tough when she wants," Ranma chuckled in
return, remembering what Urd said her mother had almost done on
Olympus.
"Clothes."
"Oh... right!"
~~~~~
A softly smiling Akane descended the stairway, towing Ranma, dressed
again in her goddess robes, by one hand like a toy balloon. Just as
they reached the ground floor, the phone rang and Kasumi appeared
out of nowhere to answer.
"Moshi, moshi! ... Hai. ... Hai. ... Arigatou, Cologne-san. I'll be
sure to tell him."
"Kasumi?" Ranma asked.
"Oh, hello, Ranma-chan."
*SIGH!*
"That was Cologne. She told me to tell you that Mousse is coming
over to send you to hell for casting spells on his beloved
Shampoo... or words to that effect."
Akane and Ranma boggled. "Yeah, that sounds about right," Ranma
said. "Ah!" She slapped her fist into her palm. "Where's that
leather bag?! Dojo!"
Ranma zoomed out of the house, across the yard, and into the leaning
practice hall, Akane trailing. They missed seeing Ukyou sitting in
the tearoom. "Ranchan! Hey... Well, darn it! ... Oh!!" She smiled
dazedly, her body moving slightly, images of onna-Ranma flashing
through her pleasure centers. She completely forgot about following
the real one.
In the dojo, Ranma hovered over the destroyed transport gate. "Ah!"
She gathered the bag up from the floor.
Puffing, Akane ran in and looked warily at the skewed building, wond
ering if it would stay up much longer. She turned her attention back
to a giggling Ranma.
"What's that?"
"You'll see," Ranma said slyly. "Let's wait outside."
~~~~~
Kasumi picked up her basket and proceeded to the clothesline in the
backyard, casting a concerned eye at Ukyou as she stepped out of the
house. Deciding to continue keeping the young chef under
observation, she hummed to herself as she worked the clothespins off
the fabric and the line, enjoying the warmth of the last rays of the
sun and placing the fresh linens into the basket.
She was suddenly lifted and spun around.
"SAOTOME!! PREPARE TO DIE FOR BEDAZZLING THE WONDROUS SHAMPOO!!!"
Kasumi reached up and pulled Mousse's glasses over his eyes. "Konban
wa, Mousse-san."
"Eh?! Oh. Kasumi-san. Good evening to you, too." He set Kasumi back
on the ground. "Sorry. I thought you were that foul Ranma."
"That's quite all right. Ranma and Akane are waiting for you by the
dojo."
Mousse bowed to Kasumi. "Arigatou, Kasumi-san. And once again, I
apologize for preparing to send you to... for attacking."
Kasumi smiled at him sunnily. "No harm done. Have fun playing with
Ranma." She turned back to her laundry.
Mousse blinked at her back a few times, shrugged, then jogged
towards the dojo. He quickly noticed two blurry figures standing
next to it.
"RANMA!! PREPARE TO BE SENT TO--"
"WAIT!!"
"Eh? What tricks are you trying to pull now?!"
"Put your glasses back on!"
Mousse raised his chin. "No."
"Why not? You're even worse than usual without 'em!"
"Yes," Akane chimed in, "why *do* you keep them up on your head?"
Mousse blushed and stammered, "None of your business."
"Although, you do have pretty eyes," Akane said offhandedly.
Mousse's head jerked down and his glasses fell in front of his eyes.
He stared at Akane. "Really?!"
Ranma put her fists on her hips. "Akane!"
Slightly uncomfortable, Akane simply nodded at Mousse while sending
an annoyed look Ranma's way.
Mousse smiled at Akane, then glowered at Ranma. "Saotome, if you
were half the gentleman I am, which apparently you're not, you'd
marry her and leave Shampoo alone, although Akane-san is probably
too good for you..." Mousse trailed off and pointedly looked Ranma
up and down. "You're really gorgeous today, Saotome. New look?"
Akane giggled, and Ranma glowered back at Mousse. "Jerk," she
muttered, then said, "Yeah, yeah. Somethin' like--"
"Oh, never mind!" Mousse pushed his glasses back up. "NOW, RANMA,
PREPARE TO--"
"WAIT!!"
He sighed and lowered his arms again. "NOW what?!"
"I got somethin' for ya! I just got back from a little, er, trip,
yeah, and found some stuff ya lost."
"My stuff? I haven't lost anything."
"That's what *you* think," Ranma muttered, then she said, "Catch!"
She tossed the leather satchel at the Hidden Weapons master.
Mousse caught the bag and immediately held it at arm's length. He
looked suspiciously at Ranma and then at the bag. He hefted it a
couple of times.
"Heavy."
"Well, duh!"
Mousse eyeballed the blurry Ranma for a long second, and then
produced an Arabian scimitar out of his sleeve. Unnoticed by the
Hidden Weapons expert, a pair of scissors followed the sword out of
his sleeve and fell to the ground. Ranma and Akane smacked their
foreheads.
Using the tip of the sword, Mousse began to cut through the cord
tying the top off, and Ranma began a whispered countdown. "5...
4..."
Mousse jerked his head around at her.
<Rats! Forgot about his hearing!> Ranma whistled innocently.
Slowly turning back, Mousse worked the tip of the blade underneath
the cord, and he began to turn it to bring the sharpened edge to
bear.
"3... 2..." Ranma mouthed.
With a jerk, he cut the cord.
"1... Ze--"
He shook the top open.
"--RO!!" Ranma cried.
"UURRRKK!!!"
A huge mass of gleaming chrome, porcelain, and plastic welled up out
of the bag, hovered over a boggling Mousse for an eternal moment,
and then crashed down, burying the sight-impaired martial artist
under a twelve-foot pile of potty-trainers of assorted make and
color. One toilet seat rolled away under Kasumi's hanging laundry.
All that could be seen of Shampoo's hapless paramour was part of a
forearm passing through the oval of another seat and the hand
attached to it clawing at the air. After a couple of futile
graspings, the hand fell limp.
Akane gawked and then tipped over in a face-plant. Ranma was rolling
over in the air, laughing so hard she had to clutch her sides.
Hearing the clatter and thump of about a thousand pounds of bathroom
instructional aides and having adroitly dodged the one errant seat,
Kasumi emerged from behind her dried sheets. "Oh, my! What are all
those doing here?"
She looked at Akane on the ground and Ranma laughing. "Oh, my! How
many children are you two thinking of having?"
Ranma promptly fell out of the air and face-planted next to Akane.
They both groaned in response to the question.
~~~~~
"So what are you going to do about Mousse, Ranma?" Akane walked next
to the redheaded goddess as they left the dojo.
"Do?" Ranma scratched her head. "Nothin', right now."
"Should we just leave him like that?"
"Awww, he's okay. I've done worse to him."
Akane cast a look back and then shrugged. "If you say so."
"If he ain't gone by bedtime, we'll help him out."
Akane looked strangely at Ranma.
"What?" Ranma asked.
"That's... awfully nice of you, Ranma."
Ranma just shrugged as they stepped onto the engawa and entered the
tearoom. They both froze at the sight that greeted them.
"UCCHAN!!"
Ukyou was seated on the far side of the table, her spatula standing
up from between her crossed legs. With glazed eyes, she clutched the
handle tightly and gnawed on the wrapping, a line of saliva running
down and gleaming on the polished metal. Her hips were bucking and
she looked like she was close to bruising herself on the spatula's
side edge. She hadn't even registered the others' presence.
Ranma and Akane rushed over and moved their hands around the chef
without touching, trying to figure out what to do.
A loud cry broke from Ukyou's lips and she slumped against the
spatula's handle. "Oh, my god, that was fantastic!"
Straightening, Ranma and Akane blinked at each other. Then Ranma
looked back down at her friend.
"Ucchan?"
Ukyou turned her soft eyes up to Ranma. "Thank you, Ranchan," she
said, her voice heavy with emotion.
"Uh... for what?"
"For making such wonderful love to me--"
"WHAT?!?!" the other two screamed.
"UH... UH, WHADDA YA MEAN?! I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'!!" Ranma bellowed.
"RANMA?! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN *DOING* BEHIND MY BACK?!?!"
"NOTHIN', AKANE!! HONEST!!!" Ranma was wringing her hands, her
panicked eyes darting everywhere.
"AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE *THAT* WHEN SHE SAYS YOU
*DID*?!?!"
"AW, C'MON, AKANE!!"
"I SPEND ALL DAY WORRYING OVER YOU, AND NOW THIS!! HOW CAN I EVER
*TRUST* YOU?!?!"
Ranma stared, hurt, and then clenched her fists, her arms straight
down at her sides. She squeezed her eyes shut and shouted, "BECAUSE
I WOULDN'T *EVER* *EVER* BETRAY YOU, THAT'S WHY, YA STUPID
TOMBOY!!!"
The dead silence rang.
"Ra-Ranma?" Akane said weakly.
"..." Ranma fidgeted.
"Hey, hey! What's all the shouting for?" Urd glided into the room,
looking both beautiful and peeved.
"Um..." "Uh..."
"Ranchan?" a teary voice asked. "I-- I-- After this, I th-thought
y-you... loved me..."
"U-Ucchan, look, I, um, well, you see--"
"AH! OOOHH! AAAAAH!!" Ukyou shouted.
Everyone's eyes bulged at the okonomiyaki chef, cradling her weapon
and rocking.
"OH, RANCHAAAAANNNNNN!!!" Visions of multiple onna-Ranmas making
wild, passionate, and condensed love to her filled Ukyou's mind.
"What the--?" Ranma and Akane stared, while Urd's eyes narrowed,
tasting the slight magical discharge in the air and remembering an
event in the Asgard Armory.
"It's the spatula, Ranma," Urd said. "We need to get it away from
her."
"Huh?!"
"OOOHHH, MYYY GODDDDD!!"
"Remember?! When Svava said you did something to it? Well, I'm
guessing that's what you did!" Urd pointed at Ukyou.
"... Me?" Ranma squeaked.
"C'mon, you two. Let's separate them." Urd moved around to one side
of Ukyou and took hold of the handle at the top.
Akane moved behind Ukyou and put her hands on her shoulders. Ranma
looked at her strangely. "If you think you're getting this spot,"
Akane said warningly, "you're nuts!"
"EEEEEEE!!!" Ukyou keened.
"Ah... sure." Ranma blushed and grabbed the spatula further down the
handle.
"Now as soon as she's finished," Urd instructed, "we'll move."
Ranma and Akane nodded, and then watched Ukyou, waiting for the
current fit to subside.
"OH! ... OOOOHHH!! ... YEEESSSS!! RAAANNNCHAAAAAAAANNN!!!" A screech
tore through the house, and then Ukyou slumped onto the table.
Ranma and Urd quickly removed the spatula from her lax grasp, and
Akane readied herself. Ukyou blinked rapidly and sat up.
"Hey! Where're you goin' with that?! That's MINE!!"
Ukyou tried to rise, but Akane held her down and then slipped her
arms around her, pinning the chef. Ranma let go of the spatula, and
Urd carried it out of the room.
"Let... me... GOOOO!!!"
"No!" Akane said. "Ukyou, something's wrong. Urd-sensei needs to
look at it for a minute."
"No! NO! NOOOO!!!" Ukyou burst into tears. "Ranchan GAVE it to me!
It's miiine... I love that... I gotta have... I NEED that spatula...
no... please..." She turned around and leaned into Akane, wailing
into her shirt.
Akane awkwardly hugged the chef and patted her on the back. "Shhh,
shhhh. It'll be fine, you'll see."
Ranma stared, and then approached hesitantly, guilt eating her up.
"U-Ucchan?"
Ukyou just clutched Akane tighter, keeping her face buried, and
Akane looked at Ranma and motioned her away with her head. Ranma
deflated, walked to the wall, and slid to the floor, turning away;
she couldn't bear to look at what she'd done.
Kasumi walked in from the backyard. "My, what was all the commotion
about?" She blinked at the distraught chef. "Is Ukyou-san all
right?"
Akane looked at the unresponsive Ranma, and then back to her sister.
"Um... there was a problem with the spatula. Ukyou is, um, having
trouble without it."
Kasumi looked at Ranma and then questioningly at Akane. Akane
nodded. Kasumi walked over and relieved Akane from her teary burden.
"There, there, Ukyou-chan."
Ukyou buried her face in Kasumi's shoulder and shook. Kasumi rocked
her gently, and she began to quiet down.
Akane shook her head at the effect Kasumi seemed to have on people.
At that moment, Nodoka and Nabiki appeared at different entrances,
wondering what was going on, but before they could ask, a chant in a
lilting, foreign language came down the hall from the foyer. The
chant stopped, the silence broken only by Kasumi's cooing noises,
then a string of Old Norse bad enough to turn dead Vikings red rang
throughout the house.
"What's she saying, Ranma?" Akane asked, as she sat next to the
goddess.
"Dunno. Probably ain't fit for company, though."
The gathered family and guests patiently awaited Urd's verdict.
After a moment, the goddess walked back in without the spatula,
stopping next to Nodoka. She briefly considered everyone present,
then spoke.
"There was an intense pleasure trigger imbedded in the spell that
Svava cast on the weapon, keyed to the weapon's owner. I can only
guess that since Ukyou is your friend, you unconsciously thought,
uh, good thoughts and your untrained sex magic locked onto it,
adding a thread to the matrix."
"Will... will she be okay?" Ranma asked hesitantly.
Urd smiled. "No problem. She just needs some rest and some time away
from..." she glanced back up the hall, "...it. Kinda like trying to
quit a habit. Sorta."
"And the spatula?" Akane asked.
"I'll send it back up. Since she cast the main spell, Svava will
have to see if she can tease out that part of it."
Ukyou chose that moment to let go of Kasumi and awkwardly stand,
giving herself a few seconds for the circulation to return. She
smiled at Kasumi, wiped her eyes with a handkerchief Kasumi had
given her, and bowed. "Arigatou, Kasumi-san."
"Any time, Ukyou-san." Kasumi smiled warmly.
Ukyou turned and walked over to Ranma, hesitating before kneeling in
front of her. "I, uh, heard what..." She glanced at Urd. "...she
said."
If she could've slumped any lower and caved in any further, Ranma
would have.
"I also remember what--" Ukyou choked, then continued, "--what you
said to Akane. I should brain you. You're supposed to be MY
fiance... but I don't feel like it right now. We WILL be talking
about this later, Ran... ma."
Ukyou sighed at the sight of the dejected girl. "Will you..." She
paused, looking at Akane. "Will you and Akane walk me home? I don't
feel so good."
Ranma's head snapped up, and she searched Ukyou's eyes for the
forgiveness she'd heard in the voice; it was there, in part. Turning
to Akane and seeing a smile and a nod, she unexpectedly found
herself in the middle of a battle with her emotions. A part of her,
a *strong* part of her, wanted to hug Ukyou and cry. <Gah. A *girl*
thing.>
Another part of her was panicking. <Slap her on the back! Ucchan's
your buddy! Ya don't hug your buddy!>
She alternated between thoughts, the flitting expressions on her
face drawing everyone else's fascination. Genma, fresh from the furo
and human, stood behind Urd and Nodoka. He looked at the quiet
people, trying to understand what was going on.
<She's your buddy!> <Wah! I'm so sorry, Ucchan!> <Buddy!> <Wah!>
<You're not a girl! Don't start actin' like one!> <WAAH!!>
An unbidden memory of thought rose. <...she would do her best. She
would even face her femininity head on. She would do it, *had* to do
it; for herself, for Kamisama... for Akane.>
Finally, after years of learning to repress emotion as a male, the
dam on her human need to express them broke. <Aw, nuts.>
"WAAAHHH!!!"
Ukyou grunted as Ranma crushed her in a hug. "I'M SO SORRY, UCCHAN!"
she cried over Ukyou's shoulder. "I DIDN'T *MEAN* TO!!!" Once past
the initial horrifying embarrassment, Ranma was finding this
experience amazingly cathartic.
Ukyou took a moment to make a mental observation. <This doesn't feel
as good *live* as it did in my head...> She hesitantly hugged the
redhead back. "I... I forgive you, Ranchan. Was there ever a doubt?
It's just a spatula. C'mon, Sugar."
"WaaAAaaaAAaaaAAaahhh!!!"
"Man, when she blows, she blows completely," Ukyou muttered aloud.
Several of the women in the room snickered.
Genma took the entire picture in and jumped to the logical
conclusion. He shouldered past Urd and his wife and hopped across
the room, grabbing Ranma away from Ukyou.
"WHAT are you DOING, BOY?! AKANE'S your fiancee, not the CHEF!!
DON'T CRY!! IT ISN'T MANLY!!!" Genma's eyes slid over to a frowning
Nodoka, mistaking the target of her displeasure. It was unfortunate
that he took his gaze from his child and missed the giant, glowing
mana mallet that suddenly formed in her hands.
"BAAKA OYAJIIII!!!"
"Huh?" Genma whipped his head around to greet simulated wood.
*WHAM!!!*
"BAKA!" *WHAM!* "BAKA!!" *WHAM!*
"Uh, Ranma?" "Ranchan?" "Ranma, Dear."
"BAKA!!!"
Akane caught the weighty hammer at the peak of its rise. "That's
enough, Ranma!"
Ranma jumped and looked around. "Huh?"
Akane pointed at a crook-eyed Genma on the floor, a few loose teeth
wobbling in his open mouth.
"Oh. Errr..." Ranma put her hand behind her head and blushed.
____________________
The twilight was quickly fading to night as Kodachi made her way
back to the family estate. She was not bounding across the rooftops,
as was her usual wont, but strolling on the sidewalk, lost in
thought.
<Ranma... and the pigtailed girl... are the same person? Surely not,
but the others... calling her Ranma and chasing her like she was.>
She shook her head furiously. "It cannot be!"
"Pardon me, but can you... Oh, it's you."
Kodachi blinked up at a scowling visage crowned with a black and
yellow bandanna.
"You're that Hibiki peasant, aren't you? The one that's always
attacking my Ranma-sama?" she asked in a threatening voice.
"Peasant?! Who died and made you god-- dess... Um..."
"Poor choice of words at the moment, Hibiki. Now stand asi--"
*SPLASH!* The delivery truck bounced from the water-filled pothole
and trundled on its way.
Kodachi stared at the pile of clothing, open-mouthed. Then she
noticed something moving around inside. She readied her
rhythmic-gymnastics ribbon and waited for it to appear. And waited.
And waited.
"ARGH!" Digging around in the clothes with her foot, she finally
uncovered a little black piglet with a bandanna around its neck.
"What the...? The pigtailed harlot's little pig?" She remembered
being beaned by the animal at the ill-fated rhythmic gymnastics
competition at St. Hebereke's some time back, but then she spied the
bandanna, and the clues started to fall into place.
"Wait a moment!" She latched onto the struggling piglet's cloth
collar and lifted him to her face. "Hibiki?!" she asked,
incredulous.
Ryouga nodded.
"Oh... my... God... And to think, you were chained to your worst
enemy at the match with Furinkan. OOOOH-HO-HO-HOOOOO!! A fine jest,
as it turns out, although it would've been far finer if only I'd won
against the redheaded harri... Oh, dear. Thinking of her as
Ranma-sama is going to take some getting used to."
"Bweee..."
"How did you... I *see*. The water does this, as it allegedly does
with Ranma-sama?"
Ryouga nodded again.
"...Hmmm..." She moved Ryouga closer to her face and bored into his
wide, expressive eyes with her gaze. "Come along, Hibiki-san. I wish
to know *all* concerning this magic that afflicts you and Ranma-sama
so."
Lowering him and holding him from his bandanna like a purse, Kodachi
scooped up the empty clothing, grimacing at the dirt and grime.
"My word, Hibiki-san, do you never launder your apparel?"
Shaking her head, Kodachi made for home with something of a spring
in her step, swinging Ryouga from side to side, forgetting, for the
moment, that he wasn't a purse.
____________________
Urd sat at the table, mulling over a number of issues, when she
heard the front door open and two voices call "Tadaima!" She eased
to her feet and padded across the room, listening to the tail end of
Ranma and Akane's conversation coming from the entryway.
"I wish you would trust me once in a while."
"I said I was sorry, Ranma! It's just, well... with all those
*girls* hanging on you all the time..."
"Yeah, yeah."
"I mean it! You don't know how... Promise me you won't!"
Ranma paused in putting on her house slippers. "Huh? What?"
Urd 'erked' and picked up her pace.
"That you won't... *that* with any of them!"
Ranma sighed. "Okay, I--"
Urd entered the foyer and put her hands out, fingers splayed.
"STOP!!!"
Ranma and Akane looked at her like she'd gone crazy, then looked all
around them, finally settling again on the elder goddess.
"What?! I don't see anything!" Akane said.
Putting her arms down, Urd breathed in relief. "Don't say the
P-word."
"P-word?" Ranma scratched her head.
"Promise."
Shrugging, Ranma said, "Okay, I prom--"
"GACK!"
Finding it difficult to talk around Urd's hand, Ranma settled on a
glare. Kasumi leaned out of the kitchen to watch. Urd didn't budge.
"Don't say the word 'promise'. Okay?"
Ranma nodded, and Urd took her hand away. "At least not until I
explain this to you. It's an important bit." <Thanks, Bell. *WHEW!*>
Sighing, Ranma followed Urd back into the tearoom. <What NOW?>
Kasumi motioned Akane to help her in the kitchen. Akane stood in
indecision; anything that affected Ranma, she wanted to know about.
However, she couldn't be rude to her eldest sister, so she entered
the kitchen.
~~~~~
Plopping at the table, Ranma looked balefully at her sensei. "What's
it this time? Can't wear white panties on a full moon?"
"HAHA! No, no, nothing so... mundane."
Ranma raised an eyebrow. "That's mundane?"
Urd nodded and smiled. "Compared to some things, indeed so. Now,
about the P-word--"
She was stopped from beginning as Akane walked in from the kitchen
with a tray of tea things and some coffee for Ranma. She set the
tray down and served Urd first, as was proper for a guest. She then
picked up the cup of coffee to place before Ranma.
"Um... who, ah, made the--"
"Kasumi, you baka." The contents of the cup sloshed a little. "Are
you saying I can't make coffee?!"
Ranma blanched, but firmed her jaw. "HAVE you ever made coffee?"
"Well... no." Akane blinked. "But it can't be THAT hard, can it?"
Looking at her with a half-lidded gaze, Ranma just sat there.
"Ba-a-ka." Akane held the coffee out, and Ranma reached for it,
accidentally cupping Akane's hands with her own. They froze, staring
into each other's eyes. Akane smiled shyly, and Ranma felt herself
melting. "Drink your coffee, you pervert," Akane said softly. <Oh,
Ranma. We need to talk.>
Ranma blushed and set the cup and saucer down in front of her, still
looking at Akane. <Akane, I need to talk to you. It was so clear
before, but now... At least I remember what I was so clear about.>
Akane sat down and poured herself some tea. Their interplay hadn't,
of course, gone unnoticed.
<Oh, brother!> Urd thought. <TOO slow, you two. Very sweet, but TOO
slow. You guys need some action! First things first, though.>
"Actually, Akane-chan, I'm glad you're here. What I have to tell
Ranma affects you, as well."
Akane nodded seriously, and Ranma said, "I ain't gotta go see
another goddess, do I? I could stand a little break from that
stuff."
Chuckling, Urd said, "No, Student, this is a Rule. Now, did you hear
me capitalize the word 'Rule', even though I was speaking?"
Wary, Ranma nodded.
"Good, because there aren't many 'Rules' that are more important for
a goddess."
"Oh! More goddess regulations?"
Urd jumped and looked over her shoulder at Kasumi, who was walking
in with her own teacup and saucer. <She's as sneaky as Bell is
sometimes.>
"Um, yes, Kasumi-san." As Kasumi made herself comfortable and poured
herself some tea, Urd turned back to Ranma.
"This Rule has to do with promises and, by extension, contracts."
"GAH!" Ranma presented warding signs. "I've had EEE-nough of
promises with Pops around!"
The women laughed.
"Relax, Ranma-chan. These promises have nothing to do with your
father. No, this is about promises *you* make, and the thing I want
you to promise me, so to speak, is to not make any for a while."
Everyone blinked at that. "Ooo-kay, Sensei," Ranma said. "Whatever
you say."
Urd winked at her. "Sensei is always right; you're learning. But
what I really mean is do not say the word 'promise' or any other
word or phrase that means the same thing. Furthermore, make no
physical movements that would reasonably be interpreted as agreement
to a promise. This is VERY important, Ranma-chan!"
Frowning, Akane said, "He can't EVER make a promise?!"
"I didn't say that, Akane-chan. What I mean is that until she more
fully understands what it means for a goddess to make a promise, she
shouldn't make any."
"Hey, then! What about those promises to, um, that one on the
phone?! What's-her-name?!?!"
Urd sweated. "Peorth, and, um, well, heh, we have some control over
the nature of those promises, and promises between goddesses are a
little different. Besides, those were more along the line of future
favors... or something. Heh."
"I'm SOOO relieved," Ranma deadpanned.
"My word, how you phrase things seems very important," Kasumi
observed.
"That's it exactly. Thank you, Kasumi-san." <And thanks for the
save!>
"So what do I do?!" Ranma was panicking a little; someone was always
wanting something from her.
"Oh, just say, 'I'll see what I can do,' or 'I'll do what I can,' or
'I'll do my best.' Just don't say, 'I promise,' or 'No problem,' or
things like that."
<Oh, just great!> "What about promises I already made?"
Urd leaned across the table in alarm. "As a goddess?!"
"No, no. Before."
Relaxing, Urd said. "Don't scare me like that! Clean slate,
remember?"
"Oh, yeah." Ranma slumped in relief, but she began to twiddle her
thumbs, staring at them while they circled. "What if... what if
there's a promise I *do* wanna make?" she asked quietly.
Urd and Kasumi smiled at Akane, who blushed and moved her attention
to her teacup.
"Check with me. It isn't that you can't; it's just that promises
need to be processed by the system to prevent conflicts and/or
paradoxes. If it's what I think it is, it shouldn't be a problem."
Urd smirked at Ranma and Akane, as they reddened further and looked
at everything but each other.
The phone rang, and Kasumi excused herself to answer.
"Moshi, moshi! Tendou desu," echoed down the hall. "Hello again,
Cologne-san... Mousse? Well, it seems that Ranma and he..."
Urd watched Ranma and Akane sneak looks at one another for a few
seconds. <Oog! Any more sweet, and I'll start developing cavities.
Time for some more fun!>
"Ne, Ranma. Would you do me a favor?"
"Um, a favor? That's safe, right? Sure, Sensei."
"Go put--
A strange sound and a gasp came from the hall. Ranma and Urd leaned
over and saw Kasumi holding the receiver away from her ear. The odd
noise was coming from the handset, and it was unmistakably the sound
of an old woman laughing hysterically.
Urd and Ranma recovered from their leaning.
"Anyway, go get Ukyou's spatula and put it in a safe place until
tomorrow."
"But it's just in the--"
"Ne? Please? Remember the return-to-owner part of the spell."
Ranma sighed. "Okay, okay." Ranma floated up from her place and
soared out of the room, waving at Kasumi as she went past.
Akane watched Ranma leave. <I don't think I'll ever get used to
that.>
"Ne, Akane-chan. Would you get me a little honey for my tea?"
"Uh, sure, if we have any."
Urd watched her walk out of the room. <Well, that was easy!>
Checking to see that Kasumi was still busy with the phone, Urd
reached into a pocket inside her robe and pulled out a handful of
vials. Selecting the one she wanted, she put the others back.
Carefully reading the label to be sure, "Urd's Special Love Potion
No. 17," she nodded and broke the top off.
"This one I *know* does what it's supposed to!"
She poured half of the contents into Ranma's cup and half into
Akane's. "That should do nicely," she smirked to herself. "No loss
of control, but severe loss of inhibition and a generous helping of
lust."
Secreting the used vial of No. 17 on her person, Urd adopted a
casual air as she sipped from her own cup. She almost dropped it
when Akane spoke from behind her.
"Here. It's kinda old, but it's all we have."
Urd scratched the back of her head and smiled nervously. "Ah,
thanks, Akane-chan. Just the thing!"
Akane looked at her strangely. "You're... welcome." She shrugged,
set down the honey, reclaimed her seat, and picked up her tea.
Nodoka walked into the room, and Akane set the cup back down. Urd
mentally snapped her fingers.
"Hello, Akane-chan, Urd... san. Oh! I'll just go get a cup out of
the kitchen." Nodoka began to walk off, but stopped when Akane rose.
"No, Obasama. Take mine. I didn't drink from it, and it should've
cooled off to just about right by now. I'll get another."
Nodoka beamed. "Why, thank you." She took Akane's place at the table
and picked up the cup, taking a sip. "Just right! You're very
considerate, Akane-chan."
Urd had her hand out, a panicked look on her face. "Uh...!"
"Is there a problem?" Nodoka asked. Akane looked at Urd strangely
again as she walked out of the room, passing Kasumi coming back in.
"Uh... No, heh, not at all." Urd lowered her hand. <Oh, boy. I hope
it's her husband she finds attractive right now.>
Nodoka shrugged and took a lengthy sip, and then another, her eyes
unfocussing slightly.
Ranma zoomed back into the room. "Okay. Put away, under lock and
key."
"Uh... Thanks, Ranma. Your coffee's probably cold. Let me get you
another." Urd grabbed for the cup, hoping to at least knock it over,
but Ranma wasn't a martial artist with lightning reflexes for
nothing.
Snatching the cup before Urd got near it, Ranma said, "No, it's
always too hot. I like it just warm."
Urd boggled as she watched the redhead raise the piece of semi-fine
porcelain. A breeze wafted through the room, and Ranma stared at her
empty hand.
"Wha--?"
"HAHAHAAAA! Too slow, Boy!" Genma stood, proudly holding Ranma's cup
up. He still displayed a little evidence of the malleting he'd
received earlier.
"Hey! That's my coffee! You don't LIKE it, remember?!"
"Like I said the first time I got it, everything's TRAINING!!" Genma
made a big show of pouring the contents down his throat, paying
Ranma back a little for the beating.
Ranma was glowing. "BAA-AA-KAAA OOO-YAAA-JIII!!!"
Genma guffawed, and then suddenly stood up completely straight.
"UURRKK!!"
"Huh? I ain't even hit ya yet. ... Pops?"
Genma felt feverish. How is it that he never noticed how well formed
Ranma was? The large, juicy, creamy mounds of-- <GAH!! Old fool!
That's your child! I wonder where--> and he saw her.
"No... chan..." he whispered. He knew from experience that she also
had large, juicy--
"Genma... kun," Nodoka breathed. She'd forgotten how... manly Genma
was. Her eyes roamed his form, an action not lost on the other.
"Ne... No-chan. I need to, ah... *speak* with you for a bit...
*upstairs*."
"I thought you'd never ask, Genma-kun."
To Ranma and Akane's amazement, Kasumi's mild embarrassment, and
Urd's chagrin, Nodoka practically trotted out of the tearoom, Genma
hot on her... heels. They could hear their feet treading the stairs,
quickly walking across the hall and into the guestroom, and the door
slamming shut.
The four remaining looked at each other, except for Urd, who had her
head in her hands.
"What... just happened?" Ranma asked, a warble in her voice.
"I don't..." Akane noticed Urd's posture and the unused honey, and
everything clicked. "YOU! YOU did something to the drinks!" she
yelled, facing Urd.
"Huh?" Ranma looked back and forth between the two.
"THAT'S why you got us both out of the room!"
Ranma's mental processes kicked in. "No! Really? Sensei?!"
Urd looked up with poorly disguised annoyance. "That was *supposed*
to be for you two."
"WHAT?!" Ranma and Akane chorused. They looked at one another, and
then turned away, blushing red to the roots of their hair.
"Senseeeeei!!"
"OOOH-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!! You two needed... and *need* an icebreaker."
A steady rhythmic noise began to filter down from upstairs.
Ranma summed up everyone's embarrassment. "Oh, just *great*."
____________________
Once again, Urd was alone in the tearoom because everyone else had
staggered off to find someplace where the activities upstairs
couldn't be so clearly heard.
"If you ever want to market that stuff, let me know."
"ERRRK!" Urd face-planted.
Nabiki walked in from the engawa and watched as Urd climbed to her
feet.
"Umm... Heh, heh. Well..."
"Don't worry." Nabiki patted the goddess on the shoulder. "Maybe
both of them will quit being so stuffy about things now that they're
getting laid." She shuddered at the thought of someone actually
doing *that* with Genma. She pushed the image aside. <Bleah.>
"Anyway, just remember my offer." Nabiki paused. "That business
about not making promises... true?"
"Quite true, and I expect to be spending a lot of time impressing
that fact upon Ranma-chan."
"Hmmm." <Well, now business is *really* going to dry up. Time for
more fertile fields-->
"Oh, and by the way, Nabiki-san, you will probably have a visitor or
two in the next few days."
"Oh?"
"It wouldn't surprise me if one or two of the investigators into
Ranma's apotheosis came by to interview you to get the facts all
straight."
Nabiki stared, unmoving.
Urd smiled at her. "I wouldn't worry. It obviously wasn't your
fault. You shouldn't have been able to do that, anyway, so it'll be
okay, I'm sure."
"I... see." <But not absolutely sure.> Nabiki stiffly turned and
walked slowly out of the room, a fine sheen of sweat becoming
visible on her forehead.
Urd sighed and said to the room, "I need a drink."
She walked out of the tearoom but paused in the hallway. After a
moment's thought, she concentrated and a mini-Urd popped out of her
body and scampered up the stairs. Nodding to herself, Urd walked
into the kitchen proper.
"Hi, Kasumi-san. Do you think you could, er, spare a bottle of
sake?"
Pulling her hands from the dishwater, Kasumi smiled at her guest.
"Hello, Urd-sama. Yes, let me get it."
Urd winced. "Ne, ne, Kasumi-san. Just Urd."
"As you wish. Are all goddesses as nice as you and your sisters?"
Kasumi opened a lower cabinet and pulled out a bottle and a cup.
"No, not really, but most are pretty good sorts, depending on the
pantheon," Urd answered. She took the bottle and waved away the cup,
and Kasumi replaced it in the cabinet, returning to the sink and her
washing.
Urd downed the small bottle in one slug. "Ah! That's the stuff!" She
then sidled up to the eldest Tendou daughter, sensing fresh fields
and smiling slyly. "So, Kasumi-san, tell me about this doctor friend
of yours."
Kasumi blushed.
____________________
An hour or so later found Ranma, stomach finally appeased, and Akane
standing in front of the door to Ranma's room. Suggestive sounds
could be heard emanating through the wood.
"Gah. NOW where am I gonna sleep? Bleah. I can't imagine my folks
doing... THAT."
"That's a fine attitude for you to take!"
"Whadda ya mean?!"
"You're the Goddess of Sex, aren't you?"
"..."
Akane giggled at the blank look on Ranma's face, and Ranma scowled a
little.
"Well, it still doesn't fix the sleepin' problem." Ranma sighed. "I
guess it's the dojo for me."
Nabiki sauntered by on the way to her room and smirked when a
muffled cry of passion filtered into the hall. "You two taking
notes?"
"No way!" Ranma cried.
"Ewww." Akane was of the same opinion.
"Whatever." Nabiki waved her hand lazily. "Of course, for 500 yen I
could solve the problem of sleeping arrangements."
Ranma steamed for a second and then let it go. She patted her
goddess robes. "Oh, crap. This thing ain't got no pockets. At least
none I can find..."
"Well, you can owe--"
Akane grabbed Ranma's hand and almost pulled her off of her feet.
"Ranma can sleep in my room!" <I'll be darned if I'm gonna let
him... her be pawed by Shampoo during the night!> "Especially after
the dojo!" she exclaimed aloud.
"Huh?" Ranma asked.
"Um... Never mind!" Akane pulled a confused Ranma into her room and
shut the door, the lock still broken from Ranma dragging Akane down
to breakfast that morning.
Nabiki snapped her fingers dramatically, and then knocked on Akane's
door.
The door opened and Akane stuck her head out. "What?!"
"Here's your one freebie for the week. Tell Ranma that Mousse and
*all* of the potty-trainers are gone." She smirked as she padded
towards her room. "Have fun, you twooo," she warbled before shutting
her own door.
Akane blinked, shook her head, and shut her door.
~~~~~
While Kasumi continued to talk all around the subject of one Ono
Toufuu-sensei, never quite getting to the point, Urd fought off the
urge to nod off while standing. She felt something tug at the hem of
her robes and looked down at the mini-Urd, who was making a face at
her.
"Grrr," she grumbled, sotto voce, but nodded, and the mini-Urd
rejoined with its host. She accessed the mini's memories and smiled
at the image of Ranma and Akane going into the bedroom.
"--and there's the wonderful pro bono work he does for the elderly
in the community. Such a great heart, and he also--"
A clipboard materialized in Urd's hands, and she nodded at the first
of four entries and then considered the others.
"Oh, my! I don't know about number four, Urd-san."
"ACK!" Urd clutched her chest. "You and Bell!"
"Gomen nasai, but I wouldn't count on the last one."
"Um..." Urd reread the list: 1) Girl-Girl; 2) Girl-Boy; 3) Boy-Girl;
and 4) Boy-Boy. "You don't think?"
"Unlikely. I don't think Ranma, even as a female kami, is
psychologically flexible enough to override the standard male, peer
social conditioning against same-sex intimacy."
Urd bigsweated and stared at Kasumi. "Um... yeah." She then shrugged
and smiled broadly. "Oh, well. Three out of four ain't bad."
~~~~~
Ranma hovered in Akane's bedroom, her goddess robes floating around
her, and panicked. "Um, um, Akane? I, er, well, you see... my
futon's still in MY room!"
Akane nodded and nervously smoothed out her skirt. "You knooow, if
the wedding hadn't been trashed, this would be your room too, now."
Ranma gulped. "A-heh, I guess so..." She looked at Akane's bed. It
was more than large enough for one person, but not so large that two
people wouldn't find it intimate. She gulped again. "Maybe I should,
er, sleep in the dojo anyway."
"The dojo's about to fall down, Ranma."
"Oh, yeah. Well... Don't you have spare futons?"
Akane couldn't decide whether to cheer or grimace. "Oh, of course,"
she said quietly. <This is your chance!> <But he's a she!> <Akane,
you are *such* a chicken.> <ARGH! All right!> She shook her head
vigorously.
"You okay, Akane?"
"It's nothing." She fidgeted for a moment, while Ranma watched her,
curious. "Look," she finally said, "if you can keep your hands to
yourself, you can, er, sleep in my bed... with... me."
Ranma blinked. "Um... I, errr..."
"Ranma," Akane growled.
"Yes! Um, yeah. Okay." Ranma found her hands intensely interesting,
a silly and nervous grin on her face.
Rolling her eyes, Akane said, "So, uh, Ranma. Do you, ah, sleep in
that?"
Shrugging, she looked down at her clothing. "No, I don't think so."
"How do you, um, get out of them?"
She blushed and stammered, "W-Well, I-I guess I j-just th-think them
aw-way." Ranma concentrated, and the robes misted away into nothing.
"Yeah! Cool!"
"R-Ranma, you p-pervert!" Akane was beet red. "Put something on!"
"Huh? ACK!!" The goddess hovered there, placing her hands over her
unmentionables. She looked around in a panic and then zoomed into
Akane's turned-down bed, quickly pulling the sheets up to her neck.
"Sorry."
Akane stood there a moment and then burst into laughter. Ranma
stared, but didn't say anything; she was just happy Akane was in a
good mood.
"Sorry, Ranma," Akane giggled again, "but that was just so *you*. No
feminine modesty whatsoever."
"Hey! I'm learnin'!" she huffed.
"A little, maybe. Um... Are you going to put something on?"
Ranma considered that for a moment. "I don't know if I can. What
should I wear?"
Akane grinned evilly. "We could always raid Happousai's collection
and see if he has anything you like."
"Ewww, Akane. Get real." Ranma mimed gagging by poking a finger into
her open mouth.
Akane clasped her hands in front of her and leaned over in a
fetching, schoolgirl pose. "Awww, don't you think you'd look good in
a teddy?"
"ACK! No way! Um... What's a 'teddy'?"
Akane face-faulted. "Never mind, Ranma." She got back to her feet.
"Just do *some*-thing. I'm not sure I'm, er, ready for that yet."
Blushing, Ranma nodded and sat up on her knees, holding the sheet up
to cover herself. She thought for a second and then concentrated.
Unfortunately, Akane had mentioned lingerie, and Ranma couldn't
quite get that image out of her mind. A Western anime that she'd
recently seen popped uninvited into her thoughts, too. Some articles
of nightwear thinly swathed her body, and she opened her eyes,
pulled the sheet a short distance away, and looked down.
"AAAAH!!" Ranma clutched the sheet back to her, her eyes bulging.
"WHAT?!"
"Uh... I dunno if you should see." Ranma bigsweated.
"Come on, Ranma. It can't be THAT bad, can it?"
"Well, okay. But don't say I didn't warn ya..." Ranma let the
bedsheet fall from her fingers, and Akane gasped, then burst into
laughter.
"YOU... BWAAAHAHA!! YOU LOOK SOMETHING OUT OF THE ARABIAN NIGHTS!!
HAAAAAHAHAHA!!!"
Although thoroughly embarrassed, Ranma chuckled and looked at the
tiny bikini bra and panties she wore underneath a long, diaphanous
robe of see-through material. "Better watch out! I might blink my
eyes and turn ya into a toad or somethin'. Man, I gotta stop
watchin' all those weird old gaijin shows."
That brought Akane up short. "Can you DO that?!"
"Awww, c'mon! ... I dunno. Maybe. Haven't thought about it. Probably
needs a spell I don't know."
Akane nodded. "I guess I'll... put on my pajamas." They looked at
each other again for a long moment.
"I'll, um, turn around--"
"Ranma, I-- You don't... have to... if you don't want... to." Akane
was on uncertain ground and so was Ranma.
"Do ya... want me to, ah... see?"
"Do you want to see?" Akane asked in a small voice. Her head was
lowered; she couldn't look Ranma in the eye. <You better say 'YES',
you baka!>
<Oh, crap. Make ME look like the pervert! Well, I told myself I'd
clear this up, so I guess it's up ta me.>
Ranma tensed. "Y-Yes, Akane. I'd, uh, like to... if ya want."
Akane nodded, letting out a small breath, and hesitantly began to
disrobe. Ranma's eyes bulged a little more with each button or
zipper.
~~~~~
Nabiki rolled over on her futon and put a pillow over her head. The
laughter and the occasional thump on the floor were driving her
crazy. She rolled her eyes at a loud round of laughter that sounded
like Akane. <Oh, brother!>
A stretch of quiet followed, and Nabiki said aloud, "Finally!"
She should've been listening in or recording it, but she just
couldn't find any interest in it that night.
~~~~~
Urd and Kasumi had moved to the kitchen table with a fresh pot of
tea. Urd occasionally eyed the cabinet where the sake was stored,
but she minded her manners.
"So, Urd-san, are you married?"
"Huh?! Me?! HAHAHAAA! No, Kasumi-san, I'm not. Can you imagine
someone like me being married?! Not gonna happen, heheh."
Kasumi thought Urd's good humor was a bit forced. "Boyfriend?"
"Not at the moment." Urd studied her tea.
"Want to talk about it?"
Urd glanced up at Kasumi's warm eyes and smiled. "I was interested
in a cherry-tree spirit once. Darn Golden Peach. Well, he ended up
being a loser, anyway."
"My, how... different."
"You have no idea..."
~~~~~
Two women lay straight as boards in a comfy, Western-style bed,
staring at the ceiling.
"Soft," Ranma said.
"WHAT?! WHO?!" Akane said, panicking.
"The BED!"
"... Oh." <Darn.> "Try to get some sleep, Ranma." <Akane, you are
*such* a chicken!> <Shut up!> <You LOVE Ranma, chicken heart. DO
something about it!> <SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP-->
A soft snore from the side broke into Akane's mental war. "Baka,"
she grumbled softly. "Now wasn't the time to doze off."
Sighing, she rolled onto her side and watched the numbers on her
alarm clock count off.
~~~~~
Kasumi ended up with more than she bargained for. Urd had finally
politely asked for more sake, and had gotten a little tipsy. She was
currently draped over her end of the table, bawling.
"There, there, Urd-san. It can't be all bad, can it?" Kasumi reached
across and patted the pearly-haired goddess on the back.
"WAAAH!! Bell's got Keiichi! Skuld's gonna grow up cute as a bug and
have guys hanging off her! I got NO-BO-DYYY!" Urd bawled out and
banged her head on the table.
"Oh, my! There, there."
"I ain't THAT picky. Really! I'd even take a woman. I'm flexible!
WAAAHH!!"
Kasumi started, and then breathed out. <She's not talking about you,
silly.> "I'm sure someone will come along when you least expect it."
Urd pulled her head up and sniffled. "You think so?" she asked
plaintively.
Smiling, Kasumi nodded. Urd hopped up and came around the table to
hug her. Out of habit, her body molded against Kasumi's, and the
eldest Tendou daughter blushed. After a moment, Urd pulled her head
back and smiled weakly. "You're so nice. Oh!" She noticed her
position. "I'm sorry, Kasumi." Her cheeks reddening, she peeled
herself off of the other woman. "I didn't mean... I wasn't
suggesting... Not that you aren't pretty enough or anything, but I,
uh--"
Kasumi giggled. "That's okay, Urd-san. I suppose if you were, it
would be flattering, but I, um... Oh, dear. Did I say that?" She put
her hand up to her mouth. They looked at each other and burst into m
ore giggles.
After they calmed down, Urd said, "Well, I suppose I'm off to bed.
Um... Well, I thought I was. The Saotomes are still going at it in
the guestroom, ne?"
They could still hear assorted noises coming from upstairs, most of
them suggestive.
Kasumi looked at the goddess appraisingly, a twinkle in her eye. "If
you think you can control yourself, you can sleep in my room. We
have plenty of spare futons."
"I couldn't, but thanks. I, er..." She trailed off, looking a little
forlorn.
Kasumi stood and walked up to her. "I think you'd rather not be
alone, right now, even if it is just sharing a room."
Urd grinned and canted her head. "Okay. True enough. Thank you,
Kasumi."
Hooking her arm through Urd's, Kasumi and the goddess strolled
upstairs. "We eldest sisters have to stick together, you know."
Urd laughed for the sheer joy of it, while Kasumi pondered their
unlikely, budding friendship. <We're so different! But that's
probably why it works.> Talking and giggling, they entered Kasumi's
room and made ready for sleep.
~~~~~
Akane wasn't the only one watching the numbers change on her alarm
clock. Nabiki rolled onto her back and blew air out of her mouth.
"Investigators... from Heaven," she whispered to herself.
She was fairly confident she could talk her way past any Earthbound
problems, but kami? If the three she'd seen so far were any
indication, they were an unpredictable bunch. There was no telling
what was going to be ringing her doorbell when the time came. She
shuddered.
No, she hadn't led the most exemplary of lives, she supposed, but
neither had Ranma. <But Ranma has a good heart, and you've certainly
taken advantage of that fact often enough. Do you have a good heart?
Or does it even matter? Ranma was an accident. Could've been *me* I
clicked on.>
She rolled back onto her side, staring at the clock again.
~~~~~
"Urd-san?"
"Mmm?" Urd said softly. Both women were comfortably bedded down in
Kasumi's room, Urd on a borrowed futon on the floor.
"Things are changing so fast."
"Yeah... They tend to do that sometimes."
"Before Ranma and his father showed up, everything was so steady and
peaceful and... well..."
"And boring?"
Kasumi laughed lightly. "Perhaps a little, but I was thinking of...
dead, maybe. Father has been so miserable since Mother died. The
house felt like one large shrine sometimes, as if she would just
walk in the door one day and nothing will have changed."
"Soul mates."
"What?"
"Your parents. They sound like they were soul mates. It happens to
the lucky few." She paused. "Bell and Keiichi are that way. Ranma
and Akane are, too, I think, but I wish they'd figure it out. It
wouldn't do any good to tell them."
"Perhaps you're right. They fit together like two pieces of a
violent puzzle."
Urd laughed aloud at the description, and then they both lay there
quietly for a brief period.
"How long have you been alive, Urd-san?"
"Long time, Kasumi, in one sense. Long time, but not in this current
incarnation."
"Oh... In all that time did you ever find a soul mate?"
Urd was quiet for a moment. "No, I didn't."
"I'm sorry."
"Well, so am I," Urd chuckled, "but I'm not done for, yet. Maybe...
maybe the All-Father will smile on me someday." Urd rolled onto her
side to look over at Kasumi's form on the bed. "And what about you?
The doctor?"
"Well... possibly, but it's so hard to tell."
"Always is."
"Yes, but he gets so silly I can't ever really do or say anything to
find out."
"Hmmm. Maybe you just zing him *too* well. Could be your soul mate."
"I suppose..."
"Maybe we should put our heads together and see what we can do about
that."
Kasumi considered her stalled situation. "Thank you, Urd. I believe
I could use the help."
"No, Kasumi... Thank *you*. Bell's always so busy with Keiichi, not
that we actually talked about *stuff* very much, so I don't really
have anyone I can talk to like this, and it's... nice."
"Yes... The same for me."
Urd rolled back onto her back, and they listened to the muted and
almost inaudible sounds of a living home.
"Good night, Kasumi."
"Oyasumi, Urd."
____________________
"YOU DISAPPOINT ME, RETSUJOUKI."
"But, but, SIR!"
He stood surrounded by a living darkness, even the portal through
which he'd entered was completely obscured from view. The
disembodied voice was felt as much as heard, the air vibrating
against his skin.
"SEDUCING ONE NEOPHYTE GODDESS SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN EASY TASK,
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING HER AREA OF INFLUENCE."
"Sir! There were numerous complications! Those... those people are
NOT normal!!"
"TSK. SUCH AN EXCUSE. NO MATTER. I HAVE ALREADY ARRANGED FOR YOUR
PUNISHMENT. HOLD OUT YOUR HAND."
Retsuji timidly held out his right hand, palm up, imagining the
ruler from Hell chopping it off or something more dire, perhaps. He
blinked when something lightly landed in his palm.
"A toothbrush?"
A patch of the darkness cleared, and he could see a shining road
stretch into the distance.
"Uh..."
"OUR GOOD INTENTIONS MUST SHINE FOR THOSE WHO TREAD THIS PATH. START
SCRUBBING."
"ARGH! But what about MARA?! She failed, as well!"
The darkness was silent for a short period. "MARA PUNISHES HERSELF
FAR MORE EFFECTIVELY THAN I WOULD HAVE... NOW, SCRUB."
~~~~~
A piece of linen paper, perhaps a thousand years old, depicted a
woodcut print of a man in armor, a flaming sword held aloft. As
drawn, his face was not particularly good or particularly evil, but
it was strong and handsome. He was tall and long dark hair spilled
out from underneath an armored helmet, matching the suit of chain
mail. Through the ages, small circles of moisture had stained the
paper of the woodcut, and new stains were being added.
Seated on the floor, Mara rocked, gazing at the image.
____________________
The bejeweled and gilded clock on the mahogany mantle ticked
sonorously with the swing of its pendulum. The sound jousted for
dominance in the ears of the room's sole occupant with the barely
audible thunder, distantly tolling the steady march of faraway rain
upon the landscape.
Kodachi watched the pale flashes of lightning brighten the interior
of the clouds on the horizon as she sat on the inset cushion of the
second-floor parlor's bay window. The window was open and looked out
over the denizens of Nerima from the Kunou estate, and Kodachi
enjoyed the moisture-laden breeze as she thought. She tapped her
manicured fingernails against her pure white teeth and considered
the conversation she had but an hour ago finished with the young man
know as Hibiki Ryouga.
She had intended to give him room and board for the night in thanks
for divulging some of the more onerous tidbits of having... <What
did he call it? Ah, yes. A Jusenkyou curse.> But she had turned her
back once, and Hibiki was gone, nor could she find him upon the
estate.
<My poor Ranma-sama, the dear, suffering from such an ailment. From
a paragon of manliness to such a wicked example of beguiling
femininity with but a splash of cold water.>
She started, pulling her fingernails away from her teeth. "Or
perhaps not. I do not recall the pigtailed harlot acting in any
manner but that of the most poorly socialized tomboy," she said to
the open window. "It truly has been you all along, hasn't it,
Ranma-sama?" She sighed. "And now, it appears this curse has claimed
you even further. A kami!" She smirked to herself. "Best not to
think too closely upon what field of endeavor your nascent divinity
has been based."
A goddess of sex. The mere thought of it sent shivers of conflicting
natures down her spine. She sighed again and looked around herself.
Kodachi did not fool herself; Ranma was... had been little better
than an indigent martial artist with barely two yen to rub between
his fingers. She had hoped that her status in life would have proven
to be of sufficient allure to give him time to see her better
qualities, but such had not been the case.
She pondered the young man in her thoughts and smiled. He would look
dashingly handsome in a tailored tuxedo, sitting to dinner at a fine
French restaurant, his Kodachi watching intently as he devoured
everything within...
She sniffed. "Well, perhaps a different scenario."
Ballroom dancing. Yes, that was safe, wasn't it? They would twirl
about the polished wooden floor, gazing into one another's eyes. She
would rest her head against his chest, and he would duck a front
kick from the Martial Arts Ballroom Dancing couple...
"Bother. Perhaps I would need to adjust to him, as well. I hadn't
considered that overmuch." *Sigh.* "Take yourself to bed, Kodachi.
You are accomplishing little this evening."
She rose from her perch in the window, and with a grace few mortals
would ever know, glided soundlessly from the room. Only the clock,
the window, and the distant thunder were present to bid her a good
night.
____________________
"OOF!" Ranma was jolted awake by a heavy weight pressing down on
her. She blinked her eyes open to see that Akane had rolled over on
top of her in her sleep. Akane's head was nestled comfortably
between Ranma's breasts and she was smiling softly.
"Oh, boy," Ranma muttered. "She's gonna pound me for sure."
Deciding that silence was the better part of staying out of the
hospital, Ranma settled in and tried to go back to sleep, but
Akane's nearness was not without effect. She could feel Akane's
long, deep breaths flutter the sheer fabric of her nightclothes.
Ranma's forehead creased from a grimace, as she tried to ignore her
bodily responses.
Akane muttered in her sleep and moved around a little.
"Oh, maaan..." Ranma moaned. "EEP!"
Akane was now clutching Ranma's right breast. "Doan... doan leave,
Ranma," Akane said and then snored lightly.
Ranma felt herself melt. "Oh, Akane." She couldn't resist resting
one hand on Akane's head and running her fingers through the soft
hair.
Akane giggled in response. "Ba-a-ka..." Ranma snickered to herself.
Feeling very differently about the situation now, Ranma thought she
could stay like this forever.
Considered or not, Akane had other ideas. Maintaining her grip on
the other's breast, she shifted around again and pulled herself up
along Ranma's body, causing the redhead to gasp. Akane then brought
the leg that was in between Ranma's forward, forcing Ranma's right
leg up almost to the vertical against Akane's thigh.
"Oh, no. Oh, my. I'm gonna die. No doubt about it." Akane just
giggled in response.
There was simply no way Ranma could ignore this position --
especially with her leg sticking straight up -- and go back to
sleep, so with jaw set grimly, she braved the dangerous waters of
awakening her bed partner. She grasped Akane's shoulders and shook
her lightly.
"Akane?"
"Mmmmm, do itthright..."
"Gah." She shook her again. "Akane? C'mon, wake up."
Akane blinked slowly then rapidly, and the first thing she saw was
her hand resting on a breast that didn't belong to her, at least not
in the literal sense.
"AAAAH!!" Her hand flew away from that particular piece of anatomy,
and she almost instantly raised herself up on her hands. She then
noticed the approximate positions of their pelvises relative to each
other.
"AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Akane stood in the far corner of the room, about to
launch a verbal tirade, and a few objects lying about, but she
stopped when she noticed Ranma sitting up with her head down.
"Ranma?"
The new goddess looked up tiredly. "Well, at least ya didn't pound
me. That's somethin'." She scooted out from under the sheets to sit
on the edge of the bed, bowing her head again. "This ain't gonna
work, I guess."
"Well," Akane said, annoyed, "what did you expect me to do?!"
The look in Ranma's sad blue eyes told Akane exactly what she'd just
done, whether she'd realized it or not, and she put her hands to her
mouth. "Oh, Ranma, I'm sorry! I didn't mean, I wasn't reject...
Well, what I mean to say is--"
"Akane," Ranma said as she stood up, her diaphanous nightwear slowly
moving around her body, "can you, errr, l-like me like this? I can
guess that you don't *want* to, if ya had a choice... Well, you *do*
have a choice, just not the one ya expected..."
The silence was long as Akane tried to formulate an answer -- too
long.
"Okay, Akane. I, er, understand, I guess." Ranma lifted off the
ground and drifted towards the door.
"Ranma! Don't... Don't go."
She stopped in midair, her back to Akane, and said, "I know this
ain't easy for ya. Hell, if I were you, I woulda taken off,
probably. I dunno. I just don't know what to do."
Ranma laughed humorlessly, still facing the door. "Ya know, when I
was standin' there in front of the Almighty himself and him lookin'
down into my soul, all I could think of was how I was bein' offered
a chance to do more than I ever could just bein' a *mortal* martial
artist. It's the duty, ya know? Of a martial artist, but so much
more than it was. And I thought about how it only really mattered
'cause... How I was doin' it mostly for... How much I thought ...
you... How... ... You."
Akane was in shock. She realized that Ranma hadn't said two words
about her trip -- nor had anyone else, for that matter -- but what
had she gone through up there? And what did Tendou Akane really have
to do with any of it? It was all so much more than she was. Ranma
was so much more.
She inwardly collapsed as she realized what she'd been thinking down
in the deepest part of her heart, the fear that she really wasn't
good enough for Ranma anymore. Akane had worried about that before
all this goddess business had come down on them: Ranma was better
than her at martial arts, Akane's chosen life skill; Ranma was a
better cook; and even his girl-form was a better girl in some ways.
But now, Ranma had moved beyond her, *transcended* her and her
little earthy dreams of dojo, family, children... love. She couldn't
even imagine what kind of dreams goddesses aspired to. Her heart
broke, the pieces falling around her feet to join her hopes and
dreams. She just wasn't good enough anymore. Tendou Akane, the
mortal, was small; Saotome Ranma, the goddess, was great.
"Ranma... Can you l-like... No, darn it! Can you l-l-love *me* like
this?"
Ranma spun around, her wet face glistening in the glow from the
streetlight shining on the window curtain. "What?! What's that
supposed to mean?" she almost shouted.
Amazed for a second at the state of her would-be lover, Akane then
lowered her head and spoke in a small voice. "I'm nothing, really,
but you, you're a kami. I probably shouldn't even touch you or
anything, much less... l-love you. You have Urd and Belldandy and
who-knows who else to help you, be there for you. I'll just be in
your way." Just not good enough. Never had been, really.
"WHAT?!" Ranma crossed the midair distance between them in a flash.
She ducked her head and looked up into Akane's downcast face, but
Akane averted her eyes.
"I always knew you were better at stuff than me, but now you're just
better than me, period." Before, now, and forever.
"WHAAAT?!?!?!"
A flash of familiar annoyance swept across Akane's face, and Ranma
silently cheered it on, but it faded all too swiftly. Ranma could
feel Akane pulling away, diving into some deep and dark hole.
"Akane no baka!" Ranma hissed at her. "Where're you gettin' all
these weird ideas from?"
"Well... it's true. You're a kami; I'm not."
"Is that stoppin' Sensei's sister and that Keiichi guy? Don't look
that way ta me!" Akane still wouldn't look at her. "Gah."
Ranma floated away and twirled once in the air. "Look at me, Akane."
"I wish you'd stop that," Akane mumbled, but kept her head turned
away.
"Why?" Ranma floated closer.
"It's just... It reminds me that I'm not like you, anymore."
"Oh, and like these weird tattoos on my face don't? I can't get rid
of it, Akane! It's who I am, now. I... I agreed to do this."
Akane finally looked up at that. "What?"
Ranma nodded slowly. "Kamisama, He, um, gave me a chance ta go back
to the way things were, but when I thought about it, I couldn't."
She paused. "Do ya know why?"
Akane shook her head.
"Because it, it wouldn't be right."
"I don't understand, Ranma."
"Well, that makes two of us, I guess." She laughed, drifting
slightly across Akane's view.. "I'm still tryin' ta figure out what
it all means." She sat cross-legged in the air.
"I don't know sashimi from a flippin' koi when it comes ta this fate
and destiny stuff, but I got the real strong feelin' that this was
supposed to happen, that someone got picked for a reason. I don't
know what that is, yet, but it's gotta be more than runnin' around
boffin' everybody just because I'm the Goddess of Sex. C'mon!"
"Well, aren't you making MY point?!"
"Lemme get there first, tomboy!"
Akane steamed at Ranma, and the goddess was heartened. "Yeah, that's
my Akane!"
In spite of herself, Akane blushed at the possessive. "I'm
listening," she offered.
"Okay, then." She hovered a little closer to Akane. "So, I got this
I-was-'picked'-to-be-a-goddess problem, sorta, so I'm askin' myself,
'What have I got to bring to bein' a goddess? Martial arts?' Yeah,
sure, if they like gettin' pounded while doin' the, er, nasty. I
mean, I got that cool katana and I've got the duty of all martial
artists -- just like you, by the way -- which is great because I can
do the duty better as a goddess, maybe, but what else? Have I got
anything else ta bring to it? Answer me that, Akane!"
"Well, of course you do!" Akane couldn't understand what the problem
was. "You bring you!"
"Meanin' what, exactly?"
Akane blinked at her, then sighed. "Ranma, what's your point?"
"C'mon! What kind of person AM I?! Good? Bad? Jerk? Not a jerk?
What?!"
"Well..."
"Good enough to be a KAMI?!"
Silence was the answer.
"Yeah, Akane. That's *it*, right on the nose. And ya know what? No?
Well, I AIN'T!" Ranma darted around the room fitfully, her agitation
clear.
"Do..." Akane sat on the floor and rested her chin on her knees. "Do
you have to be a good person to be a kami?"
"Yeah... No... I dunno, but it don't matter whether ya *have* ta be.
It matters to *me* that I ain't."
"Are you sure you're not?"
"Well... if I hafta think about it, I probably ain't."
Akane studied Ranma as she drifted around the room. "I think I like
it better that you're worrying about being good enough instead of
assuming you are."
Ranma finally alit on the bed, her feet over the side and slapping
soundlessly against the tatami. She put her head in her hands.
"Yeah... I guess so," she mumbled, then said in her normal voice, "I
don't know why I'm worrying about it. I never did before, but now, I
can't seem ta stop." She remembered the feeling of one-ness with the
universe during her interview with Kamisama. No, she just wasn't the
same anymore. Something important inside of her had changed.
After a pause, Akane said, "Well, you SHOULD be worrying about it!
It's important, or at least it is to me, and you're going to have to
figure out how to tell if you're doing it right."
"Yeah, I suppose you're right... I'll just have ta listen to Sensei
more." Putting her head back into her hands, Ranma stared at her
feet, tapping them on the floor in an uneven rhythm.
"What else is bothering you?" Akane asked.
"Huh? Oh... I dunno. It's hard ta put inta words. Well... maybe not
so hard. I, um... Well, I... need you, Akane... ta help me."
Akane lowered her head. "I don't see how."
"It's the truth!" Ranma fumed for a second. "What's gonna HAPPEN to
me, Akane? Man, I can't explain all the things that I feel like are
goin' out of my control. I don't... I don't wanna lose ME! Sensei
and the others are nice enough and all, but am I gonna be like them?
Am I gonna be sneaky like Sensei? Sorry, Sensei. All sweet and nice
like Belldandy? I mean, that's all great for them, but I liked who I
was just fine!"
"Well, you should've thought of that before agreeing to be a
goddess!" Akane huffed and hunkered down, only her eyes above her
knees, peering out into the room.
Ranma nodded and slumped. "You're... right... Sorry."
<An apology? Ranma?!> Akane straightened. "No excuses?"
Shaking her head, Ranma said, "It really *is* my fault... this time.
My choice, and I took it."
Akane studied her for a little while. "What are you really afraid
of, Ranma? This is just another challenge. You don't hide from
challenges. Why now?"
"Challenges like this one... *change* people, I expect. What if...
What if you don't l-l-love me anymore... after a while. What if this
goddess thing makes me like bein' a girl more than a guy. What if
you don't like the changes and me anymore--" She stopped and
shuddered.
"Then I hit you, brain you, and pound you," Akane growled. "A lot.
Until you go back to being Ranma."
The goddess laughed, wiped her eyes, and then floated over and
settled on the floor next to Akane. She leaned against the larger
girl. "I hope that works, but NOW do you see why I need ya? You're,
um, my anchor... Is that right?" She turned and peered up into
Akane's face.
Akane nodded. "Just *need*?"
"What?"
Rolling her eyes, Akane said, "Do you only *need* me? Not, er,
l-l-love?"
"Oh."
"Maybe... I'd just, um, like to hear it... In a single simple
sentence."
<Girls...> She leaned against her again, lending her warmth and
laying her head on Akane's arm. <Here goes nothin'...> "I... I
l-love you, Akane. ... For a long time, now."
Akane's lip quivered, but Ranma didn't see it. "Promise?" she asked
shakily.
The goddess started. <Oh, no. What do I do? I--> She looked up and
saw the expression on Akane's face, the holding in, the waiting, the
hope. <Oh, boy. *Sigh.* Well, if I burn, it'll be worth it.> She got
up on her knees and turned to face Akane, placing her hands on the
other's knees.
"Akane, I... I love you. I promise." Ranma tensed, but nothing
happened. <Huh.> Then her attention was drawn to Akane bursting into
tears. <Oh, no. Not this.> But instead of pounding her, Akane leaned
forward and collapsed against the other's chest, sobbing into her
barely covered bosom.
Ranma was being assaulted by those fuzzy feelings again, but even
more than before, she threw her doubts and fears to the wind and
encircled Akane in her arms, rocking her.
"Shhh. It's okay. I thought you *wanted* ta hear me say that. Why're
ya cryin'?"
She beat Ranma lightly with her fist. "Ba-a-ka," her muffled voice
said.
A light went on over Ranma's head. "Oh! This is one of them 'I'm so
happy I gotta cry' girly things, hey?"
Akane's muffled laughter rose between them. After allowing herself
to calm a little, she straightened and looked at Ranma. "My turn...
I guess." She tired to lose her fears in the other's expressive blue
eyes. "I... I love you, Ranma. I promise."
She smiled her cute smile, and Ranma felt her world turning over.
Ignored fears of rejection and loneliness from their tumultuous
courtship fell away, leaving a raw and tender wound almost a year
old, or maybe as old as her lifetime. As Akane's profession of love
began to heal it, the pain was too much for her control, and in her
own turn, Ranma began to openly cry.
Akane gathered her up, and the smaller girl's frame shook in large
convulsive heaves. After a moment, Akane realized something and
whispered, "Don't ever keep stuff in this long, Ranma. It's not
healthy. I don't care if you don't think it's manly, it's just not
good for you." Ranma nodded weakly. "I'm always here for you. To
talk, to hold you if you need to cry, to just sit, or if you just
need to hear me say I love you. I'll always be here for you."
Ranma seemed to cry even more for a short time, but eventually, she
calmed down to sniffles. She shifted her body and positioned herself
completely in Akane's lap. Akane smiled and gladly cradled Ranma,
amazed and happy that she was being allowed to do so.
"If this didn't feel so damn good, I'd go out to the dojo and beat
myself up for not bein' manly," she croaked.
"Oooo, will you drop the manly stuff?! You're a goddess! Female! It
doesn't count anymore."
"Yes, Akane. I'll behave, Akane. I'll be a good... girl."
Snickering, Akane purposefully bonked her head against Ranma's.
"Tomboy," Ranma chuckled.
"Not as much as you, right now."
"Hmmm, I think I like it better that way."
Still cradled like a child in Akane's arms, Ranma leaned her head
back and gazed up at the woman she loved... and who loved her.
"Akane?"
She looked down at Ranma. "Hmmm?"
"Can I... Can I k-kiss you?" Ranma asked.
Her heart suddenly pounding, Akane slowly nodded and after a few
rapid heartbeats, leaned forward hesitantly, her brown eyes wide.
Ranma closed her eyes and parted her lips a little. Akane found
herself drawn to the moisture there, glistening slightly in the
street-lit room. She leaned further down... further down.
They touched, lip to lip, and Akane could feel the world rushing in
on her, or was that welling up in her? She'd waited for this for so
long, even if it had been a *male* Ranma she'd been waiting for and
she the one to be cradled. But oh, it felt so right, so complete, so
wonderful. And before she realized it, she had gently lowered Ranma
to the floor, stretching out atop her and hungrily devouring the
other's mouth.
Akane had already initiated the probing with her tongue, and Ranma
happily fenced with her. With whatever mind she had left for other
thoughts, Ranma was amazed at how exciting and oddly complete it was
to have Akane's greater weight pressing down on her. <Better not
word it that way to her...>
They moaned into each other's mouths, the only voice to their
surging emotions. After what seemed like no time at all, Akane began
to feel a physical urgency, a driving need to do... *something* with
Ranma, girl or not. She almost jumped as she realized that she was
the one physically pressing the intimacy issue. The question was:
how far did she want this to go right now? Tonight? <I don't know.
Oh, kami, it's too fast!>
She tried to break the kiss, but Ranma followed her head up, not
letting her lips escape. Akane turned her head, and that did the
trick, but Ranma started nibbling her ear. She almost gave up then,
her partner's ministrations sending fresh shivers through her body
and fresh surges through her brain.
"Ranma," Akane whispered into an ear.
"Mmmm. Oh, Akaneeee..."
<Oh, boy. If I don't do this now, I won't have the strength in five
more seconds.> "Ranma, let's stop for a minute. Please?"
"Oh, noooo... Not now. Akaneeee...!" Ranma finally opened her eyes
and blinked a few times. "Is somethin' wrong?"
Akane sighed. "We're going too fast. I'm... I'm not ready for more
than just kissing... I think."
"Well, ya sure seemed ready a minute ago!" Ranma said, peeved, but
chagrin quickly took its place. "I didn't mean ta snap at ya. I was
just... well... Hmmm. Maybe me bein' the Goddess of Sex means YOU
are gonna have ta say 'when'. I coulda... well... You know, and let
you have your way with me." Her eyes bulged. "Did I just *say*
that?"
Akane laughed aloud. "So I'm in charge, huh?"
"Uh... yeah. As fast or as slow as ya want, Akane-chan."
Her heart melted all over again. "Oh, Ranma." Then another thought
occurred to her. "What happens if you, ah, zap me again?"
"Ummm... I'll run? Gah! Don't hit! Uh, lemme see... I wonder why it
didn't happen just now?"
Akane shrugged.
"Well, I didn't feel it start ta happen, so maybe the situation is
different somehow." Ranma smirked up at her. "Of course, you didn't
really *need* to be zapped, did you?"
"Oooo..." She blushed furiously. "Just what are you saying, Ranma?"
"Um, better not ever tell me ya have a headache or it might get
ugly?" Ranma laughed aloud.
"Ba-a-ka," Akane said, but chuckled anyway.
Ranma abruptly turned serious. "Is it... Is it because I'm a girl?
That you don't wanna, uh, you know?" she asked worriedly.
Sighing, Akane rolled off of Ranma and lay face up on the floor next
to her. "No... I don't know... I don't *think* so, not after that."
Ranma rolled onto her side, and Akane turned her head to face her,
and said, "Are you sure? About me?"
Ranma reached out and caressed her face with a soft, delicate hand.
"More sure than I've ever been." She pulled her hand back. "Are you
sure about me?"
Akane let her eyes fall. "I always thought that it would be the male
you, and I'd have to pound you so you'd keep your, um, parts to
yourself until I was ready. I don't want to lie to you; this changes
things a bit."
"Akane--"
She shook her head. "No, let me finish." She bit her lip. "I'm
pretty sure I don't like girls that way, but for some reason, it
doesn't seem to bother me with you," <Oh, and *how* it doesn't
bother me, it seems! Akane no hentai.> "and that... that scares me a
little."
Ranma's hand was back on her face, cupping her cheek.
"Am I... Is there something wrong with me?" Akane asked, another
hidden fear finally surfacing.
Ranma's laughter wasn't what she was expecting.
"RANMA!"
"Calm down, Akane! Heh." Ranma flopped onto her back and chuckled at
the ceiling. "Something wrong with you? Compared to what... to who?"
"Hmph! Well... say, Yuka... or Sayuri?"
"Heh! I can't say much about them, but think about it. Have they
lived with cursed martial artists for a year? Been kidnapped by
princes, bird-people, almost drowned in a magic spring, traded
bodies with a doll, turned into a... doll?" A grimace flashed across
her face, but it disappeared just as quickly.
"Do they have ta spend nearly every day fightin' off perverted old
men tryin' ta steal their panties?" She grew a little serious. "Do
they have a jerk martial artist guy who's now a girl kami that
l-loves them? What's normal, Akane? I... I can't give ya normal.
Ain't in the cards for me. Is normal what you want, what ya gotta
have?"
"... Some of it would be nice."
She sighed. "Yeah, I guess it would."
A deep rumbling in the distance filtered through the window,
emphasizing the quiet in the room and in the house.
Ranma finally spoke. "I guess Mom and Pops finally called it a
night."
Akane laughed softly in answer.
"Heh, I wonder how Pops is gonna take this after the potion wears
off."
"I don't think Obasama is going to let him off the hook, now that
he's been 'manly' for her."
"Probably not."
A soft snore through the other wall told them that Nabiki was
asleep.
"I *can* say it'll never be boring, I expect," Ranma said. "I can't
seem ta do boring."
Akane slugged her softly on the arm. "Ba-a-ka."
"Heh."
"Ranma?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are we, um, going... with us?"
Ranma rolled back onto her side, her blue eyes gleaming at Akane in
the poor light. "Just like that other thing: as far as you want,
Akane-chan. All the way, if ya want."
"Oh, Ranma." She pulled the smaller girl into an embrace. "Once a
year, you say the nicest thing."
"Gah."
Akane giggled, then said, "Ranma?"
"Hmmm?"
"Kiss me some more?"
The night finally claimed the last conversation in a patter of soft
rain.
____________________
____________________
[ Epilogue ]
Early morning was a special time for Kasumi; the quiet peacefulness,
her family safe and sleeping soundly, the bustling activity of
songbirds, and, on this particular morning, the freshness after a
night's gentle rain. As she walked out of the kitchen, she looked
forward to a relaxing soak in the steaming water she'd drawn for the
furo earlier.
She entered the changing room, humming a random but familiar tune.
She undressed, folded her clothes neatly, and picked up her bathing
things, opening the door to the bath.
She stopped when she noticed that it was already occupied. She
opened her mouth to excuse herself, but the image presented was
finally processed enough to make her close her mouth. Ranma and
Akane were in the bath, embracing and kissing. Quiet moans and
giggles echoed in the small, tiled area.
Smiling softly and not unaffected by the sight, she backed out and
closed the door. "Oh... my." She fanned herself, and after a moment,
the image of a certain doctor came unbidden to her mind's eye.
"Kasumi, you naughty thing! Thinking about such with kind
Toufuu-sensei! ... Hmmm."
*SIGH!*
She dressed herself and went to take care of more chores.
~~~~~
An hour later, Kasumi walked back to the bathing area, looking
forward even more to a soothing soak after having put two more loads
of laundry out on the line.
Repeating the earlier motions, she opened the door to the furo, took
two steps in, gawked, and stumbled back out. Nodoka and Genma were
in the bath, doing something Kasumi had only heard about, never
thought to ever see, and would've doubted had even been possible in
a slippery tiled furo if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes.
She proceeded to redress herself, if a little more forcefully than
before.
<I'm going to have to talk to everyone about hygiene in the bath!
Doesn't anybody use the 'Occupied' sign anymore?!>
~~~~~
Breakfast, and the mayhem that went with it -- unusual today only in
that Ranma did not accompany Akane to school -- had come and gone.
Kasumi had even taken the time to scrub the furo before drawing
another bath. She was certain the gas bill was going to send her
father into tears, or shock if she bothered to tell him *why* she'd
had to refill the furo.
Coming out of her room, Kasumi passed by Akane's open door and saw
Ranma sprawled out on the bed and snoring. She worried a little
about what was going to happen to Ranma and Akane. Things had gone
from strange to exceedingly bizarre in the course of one weekend,
thanks to her other sister, and were quickly moving out of areas in
which Kasumi felt comfortable. She just had to have faith that Urd
and the others would give sufficiently of their time to see Ranma
(and Akane) through it. Then, of course, there would be the
inevitable fallout from Ranma's other suitors.
While descending the stairway, the fatigue from her extra exertions
this morning was beginning to make itself known, and the relaxing
warmth of a fresh furo called her with its siren song. She only
hoped it wouldn't be another false alarm.
Once in the changing room, she undressed, folded her clothes, picked
up her bathing utensils, and entered the bathing room. It *was*
occupied, but only by Urd, who had liberated several bottles of sake
and two cups. She'd just started on the first bottle.
"Oh, excuse me, Urd-san. May I join you?"
Urd gestured grandly. "Please do! It is your house, after all."
"Arigatou." <I wonder, sometimes.>
First soaping up and then rinsing with a bucket of brisk water from
the tap, Kasumi eased herself into the furo and let out a long,
heart-felt sigh.
"Busy morning?"
"Yes. Quite a bit more so than I was ready to deal with, I should
think."
Urd chuckled. "I thought it might turn out that way. Sake?"
Kasumi was about to give an automatic negative, but she thought
about it. And then thought about it some more.
"This once... I *believe* I shall!"
Smiling a little evilly, Urd filled the second cup and handed it to
her companion.
"Good! I'd rather drink *with* someone, any day."
Kasumi looked at the clear liquid for a moment before looking up at
Urd with amusement sparkling in her eyes.
"So, Urd-san, will Ranma do all right in her new life?"
"Yes... I think she will do just fine," Urd said with much
satisfaction. "I think Akane will, too; pretty soon, it'll be
impossible to separate them." She smirked through the light steam at
Kasumi. "You've really done a good job with your family,
Kasumi-san."
Kasumi closed her eyes briefly and inclined her head. "Thank you,
Urd-san."
"Maybe it's time to think a little more about yourself," Urd
finished meaningfully, and raised her cup.
Kasumi did likewise. "And maybe love will come looking for you, as
well?" she added in the same tone.
They both giggled.
"Kanpai!" "Kanpai!"
====================
END THE ACCIDENTAL GODDESS 5
NOTE: This concludes the introductory arc of The Accidental Goddess.
I am thinking that the chapters from here on will be more episodic
in nature, with an episode occasionally spanning two, possibly
three, chapters. Also expect some side stories for cleaning up the
odd loose end. Ukyou and Shampoo are chapter-level issues, but I'm
thinking of Ranma no longer attending school as the current loose
end, with Hinako-sensei probably due for a visit. ^_-
I wish to thank everyone for their enthusiasm for this series and to
thank selected individuals for their invaluable critiques, and
further profuse thanks to those people who have pre-read for this
series. If I made a list, I know I'd leave someone out, so... You
know who you are. ^_^
-----Disclaimers-----
Ranma 1/2 and its characters are the property of Takahashi Rumiko,
Shonen Sunday Comics, Shogakukan, Kitty TV, and Fuji (Japan), and
Viz Communications (USA).
Aa! Megami-sama and its characters are the property of Fujishima
Kousuke and Kodansha (Japan) and Studio Proteus and Dark Horse
Comics (USA).
This work is for free-entertainment purposes only. No compensation
has been or will be received.
-----Chapter 5 Acknowledgments-----
Thanks for prereading duties go to Liath MoonShadow, Andrew Norris,
Ed Becerra, T.H. Tiger, and Vincent Seifert. My thanks to T.H. and
Vince for their exhaustive discussions -- this is a far better work
of fiction for it.
My thanks to the gang on FFIRC for discussions and tips along the
way. Cheers!
____________________
GLOSSARY OF JAPANESE WORDS
Amaterasu Oumikami - Japanese Goddess of the Sun
Anou - Um, Uh
Arigatou - Thank you
Engawa - Veranda
Gomen, Gomen nasai - I'm sorry.
Hoshi-no-Shinzou - roughly "Star Heart"; the in-story katana
formerly belonging to Amaterasu Oumikami and now in Ranma's
possession.
Ite - Ouch
Kanpai! - To us! (a toast)
Konban wa - Good evening
Kunou-kocho - Principal Kunou
Moshi, moshi! - Hello! (a standard telephone greeting, amongst other
things.)
Obaba - Old woman; Ranma refers to Cologne with this term, amongst
others
Obasama - Honored [older woman], e.g, Nodoka is often referred to as
Saotome-no-obasama by the Tendou sisters.
Oneesama - Honored Older Sister
Oyaji - Old man (informal and often pejorative)
Oyasumi - Good night.
Tadaima! - I'm/We're home!