If you so happen to read this, then I
hope that you've understood the
story so far. I know you can be so
dense when you want to.
I've tried so hard to write out my
feelings, but now I fear that when I
do finish, then I will end it. Now
I must end, and finish.
You shouldn't understand what it is to
hide your feelings, because you show
them so well, or hide them so badly.
The hurt I can't erase will stop me
everytime, the hurt that I can only
hope to go away.
The hurt I've tried to cultivate so I could
come closer to your heart. Ironic.
I shouldn't be so eloquent, but each
day is a surprise. I can't be so
eloquent as to be lying, but I
can't lie as to keep quiet, be embarrassed,
lose my voice and squeal.
I will never be so eloquent, but you
will never read this, and I will not
need to end it.
The feeling is freeing. I can admit to
wanting to make sweet love with you,
longer and softer than I ever could,
until you batted me away with a
loving caress, a friendly swat. I still imagine you
naked and warm, but I bite my
tongue with each new revelation.
You know how much I cringe when you
seduce me. Who are you arousing?
You deny loving, and I believe you. I
believe in the hurt, believe in the
loss. But I have never lost, I've
only been mistaken. How can I
mistake you?
You deny ever loving. I have only
hope to offer, and no experience, no
solid, God-damned right to be in
love. All I have is pain and longing.
I shouldn't run away, but I do each
time I cannot accept your conditions.
Running away is so freeing, not
seeing you so much a breather.
I can choose to no longer hope when I
am alone. I know I cannot hope when
I am with you, and you talk of love
you never had, the loves you've felt
you've lost and how you've past grieving.
I cannot love you, cannot love you as
Ukyou, cannot belive you so tragic
because you are so loved, so loved,
because you are Akane, you are loved
so, and because he loves you, and
why don't you admit it, for your own good?
For my good, too. So I can not choose to
hope you would see past your Ukyou-hurt,
see with Akane-eyes, hold the hope
before you and hold me.
Otherwise, my hope will wander on, and
try to find the place I would not lose.
Try to find the home that is my last, my
best. And hope not to be mistaken.
And this is the end, Akane.
Switch
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