All things considered, this is how a Tenchi marries them all fic should be
written, if it is to be written. For those that don't know my particular
standpoint on this subject, I find the situation about as fesible as me
understanding the inner workings of my girl friend's mind (that's
impossible, to be even more specific. Heh).
However, this one is good fun, in that it takes the idea of the man with the
typewriter making one's life miserable for the one's own personal amusement
to the nth degree. One can only pray
the characters never find their way to the real world. hehehehehe.
Anyway...
Sketches of Tenchi 5: Fiendish Diabolical Plots
You know, if you think of those two words as negative, what you have there
is a double negative, giving you the meaning opposite to
Diabolico...err...Diabolical (I quit watching MMPR after the Turbo season,
damnit!). Course, the title is fun, so all is good. Hehehehehe.
A Tenchi Muyo! OAV fanfic
by HKMiller
24 June 2000
Featuring characters created by Hiroki Hayashi and Masaki
Kajishima, also copyright AiC and Pioneer.
Yes, these are the companies we will burn down in the grand Jihad that
will...err...forget that part. ^^
- - - - - - - - - -
A week ago, flashes of lightning illuminated a dark castle on
Jurai. Gargoyles on the battlements sternly warned off intruders.
Hopefully only the stone type, and not the man eating, fire breathing, death
metal singing, rows of sharp teeth type. Or is it those type?
Inside, a brooding nobleman addressed a shadowed female figure,
who was only illuminated occasionally by lightning.
I...am Unicron!
"You understand your instructions?"
"Perfectly, father. Eliminate the infant. Make sure I am
impregnated first. Then my descendent, the first-born, will claim
the imperial throne." The shadowed figure put the back of her
hand to her mouth as an eerie peal of laughter emerged.
Naga? Is that you? ^^
- - - - - - - - - -
Simultaneously, at a luxurious palace overlooking a white sand
beach and turquoise waters, a haughty noblewoman addressed
another young lady.
"You understand?"
"Perfectly, mother. I am to find out all I can about the infant,
so that you can expose it as illegitimate. Then _my_ child, the
firstborn of the Prince, will succeed to the throne."
That's actually...rather nice of them, comparitively speaking, of course.
- - - - - - - - - -
In a large room on the artificial habitat ringing Jurai, with a
floor-to-ceiling window looking at the planet, a thin, whimpering,
nobleman rubbed his hands together, occasionally glancing over at
his rotund wife for approval as he addressed yet another young
woman.
"Ummm, you do understand, I hope?"
"Perfectly, father. Get pregnant by the Prince, then get myself
'recalled' to Jurai just before an unfortunate 'accident'
destroys the whole misbegotten planet. Then our noble house will
inherit the throne of Jurai."
<father> Yeah, someone told Prince Vegita that someone on that planet said
his hair looked like a candle stick. We expect that planet to be perished
very shortly.
- - - - - - - - - -
Similar scenes were repeated elsewhere, with some exceptions.
"No! I won't do it!" The young girl hurried out of the room in
tears.
The wife turned to the other wife sternly. "This is all _YOUR_
fault for bringing her up so permissively. She has no head for
politics at all!"
There was a theory proposed by Chris Angel I believe it was, where the male
to female birth ratio on Jurai might be abnormally high in the female's
favor; which could explain how the bigomy thing might be so readily
accepted. Either that or Misaki has corrupted yet another little girl.
^^;;;;;;;
Course that begs the question...what the living hell are they doing? Heh.
- - - - - - - - - -
This morning, in Tenchi's bedroom, Ryouko and Aeka woke
simultaneously and gazed lovingly at the individual their arms
were wrapped around. Said gaze quickly turned into a glare.
"YOU! Where's Tenchi?" They said simultaneously.
While funny, try not to do cliches like that too often. Or if you are going
to do them, poke fun at them, like you do here. Heh.
Aeka and Ryouko quickly disengaged themselves from the other.
Turning their backs on each other, their eyes swept the room as
they each grabbed their clothes off the floor and put them on.
Rough night? ^_^
"This is all your fault, Ryouko-san, for coming up with such a
dumb plan. I should have known it would scare Tenchi-sama off."
"Hey, it sounded good to both of us last night. Barge in here..."
"...smelling of sake," interrupted Aeka.
"Like you didn't? Anyway, phase myself into your body, and
announce to Tenchi that we're both going first at the same time."
Fuuu...ssssiooonn...HHAAA!!! ^_^ We are the great Ryeka! We will defeat
our...err...we will have our Tenchi, and we will have him right now!!!!!!!!
"I'm sure that the very idea scared Tenchi-sama away."
With the combined might of the two of them, I'D be scared. ^^;;;
"I wonder where he is? He _was_ here last night, wasn't he?"
Ryouko suddenly looked uncertain.
Must...not...make...hentai...jokes...
"Of course he was. Just not for very long," Aeka replied, then
Quick blower then? ^_-
looked unsure herself. "Do you think we should go look for
Tenchi-sama? Make sure he is well?"
An amused smile appeared on Ryouko's face. "Sure." Ryouko
grabbed Aeka under the armpits, then phased them both through
the floor and flew swiftly through the house.
That'll wake ya up in the mornin!
"Put me down this instant, you demon! I meant we should go
search for Tenchi like normal people!"
"Why? I'm not a normal person."
Hell, Aeka isn't even a 'normal' person. There is no telling what imagery
she might be drawing on, as she is, in fact, Juraian. ^^
The girls' bickering came to an abrupt halt as they entered
another bedroom to find Tenchi asleep, with his arms holding
Sasami protectively, both fully pajama'd. Mihoshi, on the other
*puts down mallet of death.
Heh, naa, I think better of you than that. I remember a previous draft of
Ki-ohki that had the worst case scenerio type scene right there.
side of Tenchi, was just waking up, stretching and yawning. She
perked up at the sight of Aeka and Ryouko and greeted them
cheerily, ignoring the look on their faces.
"Oh, good morning, you two. Isn't it a wonderful day?"
Kill the evil ones who are cheery in the morning...
"Oh-ho-ho-ho," Aeka said. "I see that Tenchi-sama had enough
There is that Naga laugh again. I wonder how those two would react to
meeting each other....hmmmm...naa, even I would not unleash that kind of
force upon an unsuspecting universe.
stamina left last night, _after he left us_, to spend the
rest of the night with you, Mihoshi-san."
"Yeah, that's right. _My_ Tenchi is so good that he had enough
stamina left for Aeka, and then you, after hours of tireless
whoopie with me."
"You mean Tenchi-sama's amazing endurance had enough left for
_you_ after _I_ was completely satiated." Aeka paused,
This begs the question: Have they been saying things like this for so long,
they actually believe what they are saying about the guy, when he has
demonstrated nothing of this?
noting that Tenchi was waking up, then continued. "Of
course, Tenchi-sama wanted to physically express his
everlasting devotion to his favorite, _myself_," Aeka
posed, indicating herself, "_first_. We went at it for hours,"
Aeka went on, enraptured, with her hands clasped together
under her chin, "our bodies as intertwined as our hearts..."
So why aren't you walking funny Aeka? ^^;;;
Mihoshi applauded in delight. "Oh, Tenchi was just wonderful!
I'll remember last night for... for always! I thought I would
just go out of my mind, it was _SO_ good. I was in... ecstacy,
that's the word, right? Utter ecstasy. But, gosh, when did
Tenchi have time for both of you? Tenchi got here only a couple
of hours after we all went to bed last night."
Hmmm...did he feed Mihoshi chocolates by hand or something? ^^;;;;;
"Uhh..." Aeka and Ryouko glanced at each other, momentarily at
a loss. "An unimportant detail!"
Yeah, kinda like that fleet of planes that were picked up on radar way
before they bombed Pearl Harbor was an unimportant detail. Heh.
Unnoticed by the girls, a nervous Tenchi picked up the still-
sleeping Sasami and snuck out of the room.
That girl must be able to sleep through anything...all things considered
though, she probably had to learn to. I am getting this mental image
similar to the scene in TMiL where they snuck off the train. Heheheheh.
- - - - - - - - - -
Later, Tenchi and the girls, all dressed formally, gathered
on the veranda to await the arrival of the new fiancees, the
daughters of important Juraian notables.
Now here is something you might want to describe further. We've never
really seen Tenchi dress very formally before. Unless you count the TV
universe, but that was a formal Juraian lord outfit too. What about how he
would dress on Earth?
"Hey, Aeka," said Kiyone. "Did you see that news item about
Jurai this morning? That a flood of legislation, some of
which has been stalled for centuries, is suddenly clearing
your House of Nobles?"
Shit, and I thought Washington had a ton of red tape. ^^;;;
"No, I missed..." Aeka drawled to a halt and blanched. "Oh,
no," she whispered. "They didn't..."
A bubble of light appeared in the yard, then vanished. In
its place stood a LOT of young women.
Next on Hardcopy: What drives young ones to throw themselves off a cliff to
their deaths? And after that: What drives others to get on clock towers
and commit unspeakable acts of indiscriminate violence? Coming up!
"They did," noted Washuu drily. "Your parents decided to go
on a favor-hunting expedition."
Tenchi stood still, in shock. "How many are there?"
Y'know...I don't really like the character of Tenchi, but I would not blame
him if he pulled out his LHW and started to hack the planet into itty bitty
pieces right about now.
"I don't know," Aeka replied faintly. "Thirty? More?"
<Tenchi> And that's when I blew the planet up, Living Tribunal.
One of the young women, tall with long silver-blue hair,
imperiously strode up. Absently handing her suitcases off to
Tenchi, she looked around her her blankly, then focused on
Aeka. "So where _is_ the Prince, my husband-to-be?" she
demanded.
Aeka demurely introduced her. "Tenchi-sama, this is Lady
Fuyuno. My Lady, the lackey you just dumped your
luggage onto _is_ Prince Tenchi."
the lackey...heheheheheheeheheheheheheheheeheh.
"Oh, forgive me, my husband," chirped Lady Fuyuno as she plucked
her suitcase back from Tenchi, then took one of his arms and
batted her eyelashes at him.
I guarantee, he's imune to things like that, by this time. If nothing else,
I hope Ryouko and Ayeka have desensitised him to some feminine wiles. Heh.
Tenchi, eyes darting from female face to female face, developed
an expression of panic on his face.
I recomend finding many suitable men on earth and adopting them as brothers.
Fast.
"Better hold on to him, girls," noted Washuu, "or he's going
to disappear on us."
<Vegita> Don't know what you are talking about, that's just super speed.
Ryouko and Aeka complied.
- - - - - - - - - -
Sasami and Mihoshi happily handed out rooming assignments to the
unexpectedly-large horde. Sasami paid special attention to three
of the new-comers, the only ones close to her own age.
Washuu comes through again?
"I'm Sasami. You must be Duchess Misao," Sasami smiled.
"Yes," replied the shy, dark-haired girl, with a tentative smile.
"You look just like your great-great-great-grandmother. Did you
know she was my best friend?"
Heheheheh. I always liked Misao. One wonders where Rumiya is? ^_^ Course,
that could be the guy that the old Misao is married too. But then...why not
one for this generation balling his eyes out on Jurai too? Heh.
"And my name is Yugi," said a short pale blonde girl tonelessly.
Ah! The legendary Super Juraian! And about as insane as Brolli too.
Heheheheh, that could be fun.
"And I'm Asuka," said a slightly older, orange-haired girl.
"Let's all be good friends. It would be... convenient!"
Now that's just wrong!!!! ^_^
- - - - - - - - - -
In Washuu's lab, Aeka and Ryouko angrily glared at the faces of
Misaki and Funaho, displayed larger-than-life in mid-air.
"Oh, Aeka-chan, this is just the way it turned out. No need to
get upset about it," chirped Misaki, with transparent amusement.
I've heard of doing it all for the nookie, but this is getting just a teensy
bit out of hand. Heh.
"We were having trouble negotiating the number down very far, so
we just reversed course. You wouldn't _believe_ what you can get
done with a marriageable prince in hand."
One thing to note: Even with Tenchi's tie to the throne and his
overwhelming power, he's still part Terran. Some prejudices will likely pop
up.
And Tenchi isn't the only one marriageable. If one follows the line back,
Nobiyuki is distantly related to Yoshou, not to mention Yoshou himself is
marriagable as well. Heh. That could make things even more ugly.
"But, girls, be on your guard," cautioned Funaho. "You know
Juraian politics, Aeka. Many of these young ladies will be up to
no good."
"I'll guard Tenchi with my life!" declared Ryouko.
"And I shall not leave my destined husband's side until this
crisis is over!" declaimed Aeka.
Tenchi drooped.
I won't make that joke. I won't make that joke no matter how much fuel you
give me. ^_^
- - - - - - - - - -
Back outside, as the newcomers milled around, Washuu hung back,
hiding a smirk, as Aeka and Ryouko reemerged, guarding Tenchi.
Kiyone hovered nearby, darting an occasional nervous glance
at Tenchi.
"So how far did you get with Tenchi last night?" Washuu asked
suddenly.
Kiyone jumped. "Me? What makes you ask?" Kiyone replied
nervously.
O_o??
"Oh... no reason. Just wondering who got to Tenchi first. I was
too busy to even watch, let alone participate."
"Oh? Doing what?"
"This." Washuu raised a finger and pressed a suddenly-appearing
holographic button. In response, a dozen seven-foot-tall, fat,
blue-skinned trolls leapt out of nowhere and roared. "We HATE
the royal house of Jurai!" they screamed, slobber running down
their chins from their enlarged canine fangs. Licking their
chops, they advanced menacingly on the horde.
I don't know which would be scarrier.
Several of the new arrivals fainted. Most, however, simply
produced weapons. One scantily-clad but amply-endowed blonde
produced a ten-foot-long phaser cannon she had apparently had
concealed on her person.
One more reason why Gun Control is unviable. Heh.
"HAAA!" screamed a red-head, leaping high over an troll dressed
only in white cap and trousers. "Take THAT!" The young lady's
light saber sliced the troll cleanly in two. Nearby, a blue-
Noooo! Not her! Anyone but her!
haired girl of about the same age dealt similarly with another.
Yellow phaser beams roasted two more monstrous intruders.
More of the newcomers jumped into the fray, wielding monofilament
yo-yos, light sabers, tiny wooden floating cans, and even more
unusual devices. Blue gore splashed everywhere.
Tenchi eyes grew larger and larger as he watched his new-found
fiancees as work.
Shit...if he ever needed something killed, all he'd have to do is point and
they'd be dead. Heh.
"Great plan, Washuu," Kiyone noted drily as the blue golems were
quickly reduced to small tidbits. "And now you've scared Sasami."
Kiyone pointed to where Sasami and Misao were hugging each other,
both crying. Sasami was saying something about her scary dream
the previous night coming true.
Yeah, I can see that. Hehehehehehe.
"Oh, well, back to the designing table."
<Cartmen> Yeah Washuu, You suck!
<Washuu> Kappa then? ^_^
- - - - - - - - - -
Early that evening, Kiyone and Mihoshi joined several of the
newcomers sitting outside enjoying the day's last light. One of
the new girls, one Menori, a slight, brown-haired girl, produced
a stringed instrument and proceeded to play a long-drawn-out,
haunting melody, somehow suited to the steep wooded hillsides
of the area.
If Haruna shows up, I will hurt you sooooo bad...^_^
"Something about that monster attack just seems fishy to me,"
said one of the others, a tall, stern, short-haired woman named
Shiria.
Kiyone's ears perked up.
It'd be funnier if her ears were like Ryouko's or Mihoshi's...then you could
imagine them twitching toward the conversation. Heh.
"I agree," said another, who Kiyone remembered was named Teruzi,
the daughter of a powerful Juraian Senator. Kiyone caught Teruzi
looking at her sidelong. "What did the Smirfiends have to gain?
If it was really them."
No! Not the smurfs!!! Noooo! ^_^
"I was never very thrilled about coming here in the first place,"
added a willowy, silver-haired young lady named Pikko, "but now it
looks like it might be interesting after all."
"Indeed. Who cared about this backwater Prince? But a mystery,
now _that's_ worth sticking around for."
So where's Shaggy, Fred, Scooby and the rest with the Mystery Machine. ^_^
Kiyone just hoped Washuu was taking note of all this.
- - - - - - - - - -
That night, a shadowy figure crept through the house, stealthily
As we get the piano key sound effects in the background...
approaching the room where Mayuka lay sleeping, tip-toeing over
bodies sleeping in hallways. In another room, Mihoshi abruptly
woke and yawned. Mihoshi stood and turned towards the door.
After tripping over Kiyone, who grumbled, Mihoshi wandering into
the hallway, sleepily wondering where the bathroom had gotten to.
She tried a nearby door with one hand as she scratched her head
with the other.
Inside the dark room, Lady Fuyuno was just wrapping both hands
around Mayuka's neck when the door opened. A pink cube popped
through, bounced once on the floor, and then brushed Fuyuno's leg.
With a small "poof", she vanished. In the dark, Mayuka, now
awake, burbled happily.
And Mihoshi, goddess of luck, strikes again! Well...it was either that or
maybe Mayuka turning her into a gem and chewing on her a bit. Heh.
"Oh, that wasn't the right room at all," Mihoshi mumbled, still
scratching her head. "I might have woken up Mayuka."
Somewhere else, Lady Fuyuno slowly sat up to face a jolly knife-
wielding teddy bear. "Naughty, naughty," said a voice. "Trying
to kill my daughter. We'll have to make sure you're properly...
entertained."
My mistake. Looks like that Mayuka might still get that. hehehehehe.
Though Yuzuha is still alive? I suppose it's possible, I mean if you take
the idea of yin and yang to it's ultimate conclusion, you'd kill Tsunami
too, if you killed Yuzuha.
- - - - - - - - - -
And in Tenchi's locked bedroom, Aeka and Ryouko had a firm grasp
on their prey.
That brings to mind a whole host of mental imagery, that has likely already
been written about in the many Tenchi lemons. Heh.
"Now, now, Tenchi-sama, calm down," said Aeka, snuggling happily
against Tenchi's right side.
"Yeah, don't worry, we'll protect you," reassured Ryouko, on his
left. "None of those girls will get into your bedroom tonight."
That's great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, and airplanes;
Lenny Bruce is not afraid...
"Why am I not reassured?" moaned Tenchi.
D.F. Roeder said it far better than I. ^_^
All things considered, I'm wondering how long it will be until Tenchi up and
cracks and finds himself on a clock tower about to pull a Frieza and blow
the planet to hell. Heh. I want front row seats to that show. So far
though, this show has been pretty entertaining too. I wonder what you are
really building toward. I hope you make the punchline of this joke well
worth the wait. So far though, it's looking very much like you will. ^_^
Hope this helped some.
K'thardin
"Farewell sorcerer! The sands of time have run out...for you!"
Kain (Blood Omen)