"Just a moment," Tofu replied as he went to his bookcase. "Now where did
I. . .Ah ha!" Triumphantly, he pulled a large binder from the rows of books
and took them back to the desk. "This has been a hobby of mine for some
time,
he said. "I was fascinated by him and a colleague of mine has been kind
enough to send these when he finds them," he said as he opened the binder.
"These pictures date back to nineteen eighty-six," Inside were various
newspaper
First of all, if you're going to use an ellipses, keep all the dots on the
same line.
It was when I wrote it in Word. Geez, I love AOS%!^
[he pulled a large binder...took them back] (?) you should change the
pronoun [them] to a singular [it]. This would necessitate using a different
word
instead of [took], as it doesn't work very well with [it].
[him, and a colleague]
Also, be careful not to overuse the [," he said] [," she added] etc. Mix
em up with separate action sentences. For example:
[when he finds them." He opened the binder. "These]
You see? This is more brief, and flows better with the dialogue IMO.
"A Green Lantern. It's a Corps of some kind." Turning to a page near the
front, he showed her one of the clippings. "This is an interview from
nineteen eighty-nine. In it, the man you saw burst into flames in your
dream, mentioned that he was a sort of interstellar policeman, and one of many
across the galaxy, and while he didn't actually say it, he did hint that
Corps members were chosen by a third party."
[the man you saw burst into flames in your dream,] is cumbersom. Cut that
down
to [the man you saw in your dream] and no comma after dream.
Yeah, but she saw three different men. Hal, Kyle, and Ganthet. But maybe
there is a way to trim it down while still keeping it clear.
Too many 'ands'. It's a rule, only one 'and' per sentence allowed.
This is a little peculiar. Didn't the interview mention anything about
what Green Lanterns could *do?* If I were an interviewer, I'd want to
see their powers as proof that they weren't just crackpots, and the
readers (and editor) would want this in the article, I would think.
Well, this interview is likely from America. While GL is nominally protector
of Earth, in practice, he's most often seen in the US. Japan is a whole
other cultural sphere. GL is famous in America, and his powers are well-known.
Thus the interviewer really doesn't need to go into too much detail about the
powers because the readers already know them. In Japan, GL is nearly unheard
of, and his powers less well-known.
That's my guess anyway.
Precisely. It was one of those on the spot interveiws conducted after GL
finishes mopping the street with the villan of the week.
Ucchan's
U-chan's ^_^
smile to her face. Bisnuess had been good lately and she was starting to
consider hiring a second employee.
Except that most employees are kinda funny about expecting to be
paid.... :)
Oh I dunno, I think she could get some free labor off of Tsubasa. Provided
sbe's willing to pry him off of her ass every five minutes. ^_^
"Ukyou-sama!" *GLOMP *CLANG* "Jackass! Get back to work!"
*Snicker* Okay, let's go over this one more time. Ukyou is a bisnuesswoman
and a Martial Artist. The tea house guy works for free room and board, but I
think Ukyou has enough brains to know that anyone else she hires would want
yen.
Ucchan's
U-CHAN'S ^,^
"Akane," she said, sitting down across from him without quite knowing
why. "Akane Tendo."
"My name is Alan," he replied with a friendly smile as he held out his
hand. "Alan Scott."
Frankly, I think you're cheating yourself out of a lot of good story
possibilities by bringing in Scotty so soon. I'd really like to see
Akane bumbling around with the ring for a while. As it is, there's a lot
of promise of things to come but very little actually happening yet. If
Akane vs. some galactic supervillains is the conflict of your story,
then we need to start seeing some concrete evidence of the villains'
existence and why it's important that Akane deal with their plot
(whatever that may be).
I agree. After reading this, I just sat there and yelled. "Oh come ON! It
can't be THAT easy!" Then again, Destiny has been known to play fast and
loose with Probability. Witness, oh, practically all of the Ranma 1/2 series.
It's not going to be that easy. If anything, Scott's presence is going to
make it more difficult. Think about it. In Nerima, how many people want to
marry and/or Kill Akane?
Besides, I'm trying to break myself of this annoying tendacy to turn all my
stories into grand epics. Emerald Angel will have maybe seven chapters, not
including epilogue, which will explain the prolouge, and that's it. Then I
think I'll go turn Akane into a spider.
Agreeable Komodo
He who bought it, supplied it.
Just say yes to prophylactics.