In a message dated 6/23/00 5:31:58 AM Eastern Daylight Time, Kenjiko2@aol.com
writes:
Okay. I like such fics as Second Time Around, and Second Chances, and the
like. DAMN interesting fics.
Aren't they just tho? You read Once More From the Top? My personal fav in
that area.
But... they all depend on a character knowing EVERYTHING that happened the
first time around... which is the point, I guess.
I thought... well, a LOT of Akane's aggravation was based on the simple
fact
that she had NO idea what she was getting into-- or rather wad being
pressed
into.
But what if she had an idea before hand? What if she had...
Fair Warning
Hmm. . .interesting idea. . .I LIKE IT!
A Ranma 1/2 alternate reality fanfiction
by Robert Haynie
(Yo, Rumiko-chan! Borrowing the kids for a while, don't worry.
I'll have them dry-cleaned before I return them. Kenko)
####
(Kuno no baka. Kuno no baka. Kuno no baka.)
<SNIP> I love your description. It shows Akane's anger and thought
process. However some physical description of Akane as she walks might help.
Maybe her hands are shaking with anger, or if you want to go for the comical,
the people on the street giving the girl with the glowing aura a wide berth.
Just an idea to slide in how really really angry Akane is with Kuno.
She had to find something to do. Something to distract herself
from her anger and frustration. Something other than stand across
from Doctor Tofu's clinic and sigh.
Something that didn't involve homicide.
That was when she saw the small stall with the fortuneteller.
Feh. If anything was nonsense, that was. Mysticism and magic and
all of that was nonsense. But maybe the fortuneteller could at least
take her mind off Kuno.
She entered, expecting the usual trapping of the trade. A
crystal ball, maybe, like the popular western style, or a canister
of scrying sticks. Perhaps cards or I Ching coins. Whatever, there
were sure to be various mystical posters and useless but impressive
looking charms.
Instead, the place was more like a small office, neat, sterile,
with a literal bank of four or five PCs linked in a corner and a
downright peculiar keyboard and mouse combination connected to at
least three monitors. The only concession to the arcane was a small
framed horoscope diagram on one wall-- and that had binary code
attached to it scribbled on post-it notes.
Behind the desk was a man-- or rather a scarecrow with human
aspirations. His face was gaunt, with heavily shaded eyes. His hair
was thing and gray. He wore a pair of thin, gold-rimmed glasses and
a lab coat with a few buttons on it bearing what were either mystic
sigils or circuit diagrams-- she wasn't sure which.
Eeek!! She's in a dark room with a creepy man! RUN AKANE!
Er. . .sorry. . .
"I can help you, Miss," the man said.
"Ah, isn't that 'Can I help you, Miss?' I mean..." Akane asked,
uncertainly.
"I was not asking a question. Please be seated. Fill out this
form. 1000 yen for the consultation. Results guaranteed."
"Guaranteed?"
Yes, but is that a limited or full guarantee? Hmm?
"Yes. This system uses a limited subset of the Yggdrasil
protocols, licensed by Heaven itself for a test and trial run in
human prognostication. The fee covers my time and mundane materials.
Also I have to buy my own lunch."
Akane blinked. Certainly unlike any fortuneteller that SHE had
ever heard of. She began to fill out the form.
It was a rather unusual form. The questions, after simple things
like name, birthday, and blood type, began to get... unusual?
"Why do YOU think the chicken crossed the road? Do you think a
ferret would have the same motivations?"
What about a panda?
"If you could be a canister of miso, which brand and type would
you want to be? Why? Would you feel insulted if you were put on
sale?"
"Do you bite your fingernails? Toenails? Earlobes? If the last
is yes, how the HELL do you manage that?"
"What are your three sizes? Why are you so suddenly embarrassed
about that question?"
"Pepsi, Coke, or Calpis?"
After a while, Akane finished the form, and handed it to the man,
who tossed it into a wastebasket.
"What--"
"The answers are unimportant. The act of filling the form out
was. Beginning computation as soon an fee is paid."
Deciding that this was somehow the perfect ending to a truly
weird day, Akane silently places two 500 yen coins on the counter.
Nabiki would just kill her for wasting her money on something like this.
Tisk Tisk.
The man picked them up and pocketed them. He then started typing at
a very high pace.
Lights began to flash on the massed computers in the corner,
curious beeps and buzzings emitted from various pieces of equipment,
and after a moment, a printer began to hum as a single sheet of paper
was extruded.
Akane leaned over to see what could best be described as
laser-printed gibberish. "What's that?"
"Immediate prognostications over the immediate future. Advice
couched in arcane terms. The usual, except again, results
guaranteed, as long as you pay attention to what I say."
By now, Akane had the disquieting feeling that the gaunt man was
for real. "What... language is that?"
"The language of Heaven. Now, let's see..."
He coughed, and began. "Your present travails will last roughly
two lunar cycles. Those with lust in their hearts will hound you,
but you will prevail."
Akane jerked upright. By all the kami and all the Buddha-- This
weirdo WAS for real!
"In approximately two months, you will meet your true love. But
at first you will not see him as such. He will be a great warrior, a
man with a noble heart, fair of face, strong of limb, skilled in the
Art of War."
Akane blinked. She couldn't think of what else to do.
Fair of face huh? YES I GET A HOTTY!
er. . .sorry again
"He shall also be impolite, for he has learned nothing but war.
He will not know anything about proper behavior, for he will not have
been taught. He will respond to cruelty with insult, but to kindness
with gratitude. He will be sought after by many women, but will be
loyal only to one. He will be a man of honor, and if treated well,
will be loyal unto death."
Akane began to fidget. Her true love wasn't perfect, apparently,
but he didn't sound all bad. The surrealism of the situation was
beginning to overwhelm her.
"Finally, he shall have many enemies, though none are truly of
his making. And he shall labor under a terrible curse, that others
will not understand as terrible."
The man blinked himself, and added uncertainly, "And you're not
to cook for him until you learn how, and you're to be reasonable
about your clothes not fitting him right. Now, that last is
unusual."
"My true love is a crossdresser?" Akane said, aghast.
OH MY GOD! FAIR OF FACE! Ahhhh!
Err. . .I'll stop now.
"No, that would have been clearly stated. The system does this,
not me. I repeat, results guaranteed. Good day."
"Is that all there is?"
"Yes. Good day. Please leave. I am closing for the day."
Akane left, feeling disoriented. The experience had somehow
rattled her nerves.
And alone, the man removed the 1000 yen and tossed it into the
wastebasket also. After all, that part was simply for appearances.
Heaven should be pleased with the tests so far, the routines were at
98.924 percent accuracy...
Cut the And before alone. I'd switch also to 'along with the form Akane
had filled out earlier.' I had to think a minute about what 'also' was.
####
Time passed. The crowd of idiots not only did not quit, they
grew to nearly fifty. And every day, after them, she would have to
fight Kuno, and barely make it to class on time.
Her anger increased, her dislike of boys grew. The only thing
that kept her from becoming totally enraged at the entire male gender
was the fortuneteller's prophesying.
Oh boy is she in for a let down. . .
One evening, her father called her and her two sisters to make an
announcement.
Her and her sisters Nabiki and Kasumi. In fanfiction always assume your
readers know next to nothing about the series. If you talk about everyone in
reference to your main character (Akane) then it takes them out of the story.
Akane's sisters are important characters no matter how you play this one.
Their plot drivers you can't slide out of the story.
Most of us know what happened next.
Er. . .See above note about assuming your readers know nothing. Besides,
Akane might also act differently though this part. If Akane is waiting for
that one special man she was told about then she might just get a little
panicked about a fiancee comin' round. She would also be really relieved when
Ranma shows up as a girl. Take us through it, make it short, but take us
through it. First impressions are important.
####
Akane was staring at the transformation after the tale of
Jyusenkyo. And at the boy. Even the terrible curse part seemed
true.
Not to mention that whole section apart the way her cloths would fit him!
Oh and thats Jusenkyo typo there
The fortuneteller had been right. So far, about everything.
Time to get worried Akane!
"Well, then," Soun said jovially, "Your problem isn't so bad
after all! These are my daughters..."
In a daze, Akane heard her father list them off like items on a
menu, and offer them to the stunned Ranma as though they were
appetizers. Then a simple statement pierced the haze surrounding her
prophecy-clouded brain.
"Oh, he wants Akane."
What?
She sat in shock as her sisters effectually passed the buck in
high speed, and her father agreeing happily. Then Ranma stood, and
yelled something about this not being the time, and that he was going
back to China--
Get a little Akane thought in here. The love of her life is trying to
leave her, she has to stop that or she might be stuck around guys like KUNO
for the rest of her life! It's a big switch from the Akane we know for her to
be saying what she does. If you show the way she's thinking just now then
we'll understand why this Akane is reacting as she does.
"Wait? Please?"
Ranma paused. "Huh?"
Akane glared at her father and sisters, as well as the large man
named Genma. "Look, I am NOT getting married now. Not until I'm
graduated from school at the EARLIEST. And I'm going to pick who I
marry, not you. But... I am willing to try this engagement out, and
Err, that not you can be interpreted in two ways, one of them insulting
to Ranma. Try not you daddy.
see if Ranma and I can make something of it. If we can, well and
good, and if we can't..."
Ahh but she already knows they can! I want thoughts of Akane! She's got
to be feeling something with Ranma around.
Ranma was staring at the girl. "What are you saying?"
Think Ranma-speak. "Er. . whata ya mean?" Ranma talks in real loose,
cutting off the ends of is words and such. Have Ranma talk like Ranma.
"Well, I DID say I wanted to be friends. And all the boys I know
are jerks. Maybe you aren't a jerk, or a pervert, even if you did
see me naked."
"Hey, you saw me naked too!"
He grumbled with a blush. ;) You need some action and thought in here,
not just dialogue. Sometimes words speak for themselves, but these reveal
almost nothing of how Ranma, Akane and the rest are feeling.
"It's different when a boy sees a girl naked. But... I guess I
did walk in on you. I still want to be friends, and you need a place
to stay before you can get enough money to get back to China."
The cursed boy stared. She wanted to be friends even with the
curse? She was willing to be engaged to him despite it? What was
going on?
Yeah! A blurb of feeling. Keep it up.
Akane mused. "And I guess you know what a girl looks like naked
anyhow, so it probably wouldn't count as peeping anyway."
"More than I want to, believe me."
Action! I want to read about Ranma turning red on that one!
Kasumi and Nabiki stared. They had NOT wanted to be engaged to
this... creature, and had thus shifted the burden to Akane in a sort
of panic. But they were stunned at how Akane was taking it.
This could not be the same Akane who came home and cursing the male
gender on a daily basis. . .
"So... won't you please stay a while?"
Ranma stared at the cute face before him. And somehow, he
couldn't say no.
Awe, thats so cute!
"A while, I guess..."
"And we can try out the engagement?"
Ranma began to sweat.
Error! Does not compute! Quick Akane, backspace! Backspace!
Akane blinked. "I mean, we can be friends, and maybe do things
together? And, well, I'd like to learn some of the stuff you did
back in the dojo."
"Um... I guess so. For a while. But only until I can find a way
to get to China and find a cure."
Ranma smiled weakly. And Akane noticed that he was VERY cute
when he smiled.
But she wondered about the rest of what the fortuneteller had
said... and what her life was likely to be like from now on.
####
Yeah! I loves it! Gimme more! I really like the idea and I think you
could really go places with this one. But you'd have to keep the conflict
up, or else with an understanding and calm Akane your just going to blah out
into Akane being okay with most situations. May I suggest Akane getting a
little possessive of Ranma? He is HER true love her and no girl is going to
take it lying down while Shampoo and Ukyou try to steal him away from her.
Hope theres more soon!
Lady Cailin
Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.