Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] Boy Nights: Chapter One
From: UkyouKwnji@aol.com
Date: 6/22/2000, 7:38 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com
CC: kyle_emmerson@yahoo.com

And the saga continues...  snippage throughout.

 Boy Nights

Featuring Konatsu the Boy Wonder... you're pretty sure he's a boy, but you 
wonder...

 By Kyle Emmerson
 
     Ranma 1/2 and all of its characters and situations are
 the creation and property of Rumiko Takahashi. I use
 these characters and situations without permission.

You've got *my* permission, sugar... this is fun, so far.
  
 Note: This idea was actually envisioned not by me, but by Ammadeau
 (http://www.thekeep.org/~amm/fanfiction.htm) who graciously allowed me to
 borrow the idea and work it into a full sized story. Also, apologies to
 Kenko for the title... It was not meant as a rip-off, but it just seemed
 to fit. :P
 
 Chapter One: The First Lesson - Disco Inferno

Disco?  Somehow, I can't picture the Villiage People serving as role models 
for 'Natsu-chan...
  
  She laid another shirt in the 'fit' pile. It was her old school
 uniform from the boys school she attended with-- ugh-- Tsubasa.

Ugh.  Me heap bothered by Him-Who-Dress-Like-Tree-Spirit-Girl.

  What ever did happen to Tsubasa anyway? It seemed almost like she had
 traded one cross-dresser for another. Although the new one was much, much
 more tolerable.

Transvestite, version 2.0.  Not available from Microsoft.  Ever.
 
  Closing the trunk, she addressed her attention to the pile of
 clothing, and started to plan Konatsu's ensemble. She could always let him
 choose what to wear-- but knowing him, he'd choose the most girlish
 looking clothes Ukyou had. Like her Okonomiyaki vendors outfit.

o/~ We're men (manly men!), we're men in tights... o/~
  
  But still... She had always wondered what he would look like in a boys
 school uniform.
 
  She cast a glance up at the wall clock and sighed. Seven O'clock.

Is the "o" in "o'clock" capitalized?

 Which meant she had just enough time to give him a crash course, and
 then--
 
  Ukyou grinned.
 
  "Hey, Konatsu," she called, picking out an ensemble fitting for a man.
 "Come here and try this on!"
 
  "Miss Ukyou?" Konatsu asked, poking his head into the room. He then
 eyed the small pile of clothes on Ukyou's bed, and then the shirt and
 pants she had draped over her arm.
 
  "Here," she said, handing the clothing to him. "Try this on."
 
  Konatsu took the clothes and examined them closely. A pair of loose
 jeans and rather plain looking T-shirt. He looked up again. "Miss Ukyou?"
 
  "Just go try it on," she said, pointing towards his room for emphasis.
 "Then come back and we'll see how it turns out."
 
  Konatsu looked back up, shrugged then happily pranced off to his room
 to change.

On Prancer and Vixen!
  
  Ukyou winced. She'd also have to teach him how to walk like a man.

Like I said about the title.  Cue Frankie Vallie.
  
 ****
 
  Konatsu tugged at the jeans experimentally. "It... seems a bit loose,
 Miss Ukyou," he said.

I woulda been worried if he said the chest was too tight.

  Ukyou smiled at her creation.

Ukyou:  Oh, ROCKY!

 The jeans were loose, but that went a
 little in tune with the style, and the T-shirt was draped down over his
 chest and stomach, ending just below his waistline. But still, he looked
 somewhat...
 
  ...girlie.

Cue Hans und Franz...

  Ukyou walked around him, scanning each and every nook and cranny on
 the man.

*Every* nook and cranny?  He IS dressed, right?

 The earrings would have to go, but perhaps he could get a
 sapphire stud in his left ear. The hair-- ugh. One of the most girlish
 things about him. And the way he was standing-- all wrong.
 
  Ukyou grabbed Konatsu's waist and shifted his balance elsewhere, then
 opened his legs a bit.

Uh...  ^_^;;
  
  "First lesson, Konatsu. Men don't stand with their legs so close
 together," she said.
 
  "Why not?" Konatsu asked.
 
  Ukyou thought about it for a moment. "I... I don't really know. I
 think it's just uncomfortable for them."

  Ukyou laughed. "You'll get used to it," she said, then brought her
 attention elsewhere. "Why are your hands on your hips?"
 
  "They're holding the jeans up."
 
  Ukyou laughed again, then pulled a leather belt from a rack in her
 closet, and passed it to Konatsu. "Put this on," she said. "It'll hold the
 pants up."
 
  Konatsu took the belt and quickly put it on, sighing of relief from no

"With relief", or maybe "from relief."

 longer having to hold the jeans up. But now... he had no idea what to do
 with his hands.

Do you *realize* how *hard* I have to work to restrain myself from commenting 
on that?  =^_^=
  
  On her way back out to examine her creation, she pulled his earrings
 off. Konatsu jumped in surprise as he felt the pins slip out of the
 piercing.

Ooh, that's gotta hurt if he jumps while 'I'm' taking out his earrings...

  "Of course!" Ukyou smiled. "The sooner the better, Konatsu! I'll make
 you into a man!" She said, then immediately blushed after realizing the
 implications of what she had said.

Tee-hee.
  
  Luckily, Konatsu hadn't noticed, or didn't understand. "All right,
 Miss Ukyou," he said, then adjourned to the bathroom.


  Ukyou sighed. They'd been at it for nearly thirty minutes. IF he
 didn't get it soon, she'd have to cancel the evenings plans.

"evening's plans"

  
  "Yes! You did--" Ukyou paused. She sniffed the air around Konatsu and
 pushed him back at arms length. "Konatsu," she began. "Are you wearing...
 perfume?"
 
  "Chanel Number Five," Konatsu smiled. "You like it?"
 
  Ukyou smacked her palm to her forehead again. "Konatsu, remember what
 I said about men not wearing make-up?"
 
  "Yes, you said they don't wear any," he said, flashing a girlish smile
 her way. "So I took it all off."

Why do I get this picture of screaming women stuffing banknotes into 
Konatsu's makeup case?
  
  "Yes, well... men don't wear perfume either, Konatsu."
 
  "They don't? My sisters always told me--"

Rule #1 of sibling rivalry: NEVER believe ANYthing your older siblings tell 
you.
  
  "Your sisters are hardly the best teachers, Konatsu," Ukyou said, then
 ran up the stairs and returned with a small bottle. "Here, put some of
 this on. It'll drown out the smell, hopefully."
 
  Konatsu eyed the bottle experimentally. "What... more perfume? I
 thought you said--"
 
  "Cologne, Konatsu."
 
  "Elder Cologne? Where?" Konatsu spun his head around the restaurant.

Couldn't resist that one, could you?  ^_^

I suppose it was inevitable... really, it's been a while since I've seen 
someone make a joke about that.
  
  "Not THAT Cologne. It's like perfume, except men wear it," she said,
 pouring some on her hands. "Here."
 
  Konatsu took the bottle from Ukyou and raised an eyebrow at her. "Miss
 Ukyou? Why are YOU wearing Cologne?"

I think you can take off the capitalization, sugar... he's not talking about 
Shampoo-baka's great-grandmother anymore...
  
  Ukyou patted her hands around her neck and blinked. "Well, I'm going
 with you, you know," she said.
 
  "But you said only men wear Cologne."

There she is again.  I'd hate to imagine the guy who'd want to 'wear' 
Cologne.  Drunk, stupid or desperate... in any case, I wouldn't wanna meet 
him.
  
  "Yes, and tonight, I'm going out with you as a man."
 
  "But Miss Ukyou, you're a--"
 
  "I'm a man tonight. And enough of this Miss Ukyou stuff! Tonight, I'm
 just good ol' Ucchan!"

Actually, I think (someone out here, correct me if I'm wrong) that a *real* 
man <*grunt*burp*scratch*HWWAAK-ptui!> might object to the suffix "-chan".

Of course, this is 'me' we're talking about, so...
  
  Konatsu blinked again. "U...Ucchan? Can I... Call you that? Isn't it
 disrespectful?"
 
  "No way, Konatsu. We're friends, right?"
 
  Konatsu blushed a bit. "Well... You're my boss, and--"
 
  "Bah. Even if I was to be formal about it, I couldn't handle someone
 calling me 'Miss Ukyou' all the time. Besides, if I'm going to be a guy
 tonight, I'd rather you not call me Miss Ukyou."

I believe that it has already been pointed out that the "-sama" suffix is 
gender-neutral, and consequently this exchange would not occur in the 
original Japanese.  Unfortunately, English honorifics are gender-specific, so 
we have to make do and leave it at that.  No point fussing over it, unless we 
intend to go whole hog and write our fanfics in Japanese from now on... and 
wouldn't *that* be a shame?

Besides, even with a gender-neutral honorific, 'I' would object to 
'Natsu-chan's usage simply because we could be interpreted as being in some 
kind of submissive-dominant relationship together.  Not the sort of image 'I' 
want to project, under the circumstances.
  

  "Macho?"
 
  "Yeah, you know... macho."

Konatsu: No, I *don't* know...
  
  "What does that mean?"
 
  "What... macho? You know... manly and stuff. I don't really understand
 the basics of it myself, but when I was in the boys school, all the guys
 were trying to prove how macho they were. It's like the universal guy
 language."
 
  "How do they... prove it?"
 
  Ukyou shrugged. "It depends on the type. Usually it's just to show
 whose... er... biggest."

I think you want "who's"

 
  "Biggest? Can't they tell just by looking?"
 
  "Not the size of the body, Konatsu. The size of... err... a certain
 part of it."

What?  The ego?
  
  "Oh," Konatsu said, then clued in. "_OH_! That's... kind of gross."
 
  "Nobody ever said guys weren't gross."

"At least, since you *are* a guy, 'Natsu-chan, you get to go out with *girls* 
instead."
  
<snip>

  The heavy industrial music penetrated past Konatsu's ear drum, causing
 a slight tickling sensation as he clamped his hands over his ears.
 
  o/~ I got the piece of mind of a killers soul... o/~

Never heard this song before, but shouldn't it be "peace of mind"?

  "THAT'S KIND OF LOUD!" he tried to shout towards Ukyou, who looked up
 at him.

"WHATDJA SAY, SUGAR?"

  
  But obviously Konatsu could read lips, because he quickly made his way
 toward the bar, which seemed to be the place least affected by the
 intensely loud music. They weaved in and out of dancing people, leaped
 over a small rail separating the dance floor from the bar and took a seat
 on a couple of stools.
 
  o/~ I've got the acumen of a season broke... o/~
 
  "Well," Ukyou said, lowering her voice. "That was fun."

What was?
  
 ****
 
  "Miki~! You made it!" Midori smiled. "I was afraid you weren't going
 to come!"

Okay... I call a morotorium of any Beavis & Butthead jokes _right_now_.

  
  "Ooh, baby. Look at the butt on the one on the right," Midori said,
 almost drooling. "Come on, let's go talk to them."

I'm almost curious as to which of us is the one on the right...
  
  
  "We're doing all right. I'm Midori," she said, smiling. "This is my
 friend Miki."
 
  "Hi," Miki said, blushing as she sat next to Konatsu.
 
  "I'm Ukyou, this is my... bud, Konatsu."
 
  "Bud?" Konatsu asked, his eyebrow raised.

Bartender: Sorry, no imported stuff.  We got Asahi, Kirin, Sapporo...
  
  Ukyou quickly passed him a 'just play along' look, and then looked
 back towards Midori.
 
  "So," Midori began. "Miki and I just noticed you two sitting here, all
 alone. Don't you have dates?"

Hmm... hadn't thought of that.  Dates and okonomi-yaki... might make for an 
interesting dessert...
  
  "Not tonight," Ukyou said. "Just... hanging out."

Konatsu checks the fly on his jeans.  "No I'm not, Ukyou-sa..chan..."


  "Yeah, I just brought my friend here for tonight. He's heading back to
 Kansai tomorrow..."
 
  "Oh?" Miki said. "You're from Kansai, too?"
 
  Konatsu blinked. "Uhh, n--"
 
  "Yeah, he lives in a house near the old shrine on the hill," Ukyou
 shot in. Just her luck, the one who's interested in Konatsu would have to
 BE from Kansai.

Actually, this shouldn't be such an issue.  Kansai's a pretty big area, 
covering five prefectures and including Osaka and Kyoto.  It'd be roughly 
comparable to referring to "the Midwest" in the States.  The way you've got 
it written, it's as if Kansai were a small town in that region (and while 
there may be such a town, I'm not aware of it, and it wouldn't be what the 
casual user of the term would refer to).

Still, you could take any town on the outskirts of those two cities and come 
up with similar dialogue...
  
  "Oh, really? I used to live in that area too! Do you know Kiyomi
 Maeshima?"

Is it just me, or are we going to be hearing from *this* girl, too, 
eventually?

 ****
 
  Kenji growled to himself. Damn bouncer had taken his sweet time in
 letting Kenji in. Figures that he had to grease the idiots palm in order
 to gain admission. Now Kenji was in a bad mood.

"idiot's palm..."
  
  It all started when his sister had invited Miki, his girlfriend to go
 dancing tonight. Of course, Kenji hadn't wanted to go. He had a long day
 at work and just wanted to relax at home. But Miki wanted to go, so he
 wasn't left with much of a choice.

Kenji: If I'm gonna dance tonight, I wanna be horizontal...
  
  Of course, he could have let Miki go by herself, but there was always
 that nagging feeling in the back on Kenji's mind, that if she had half the
 chance, she'd be off with another guy.

Kenji: Yeah, what with me always being such a sourpuss, I *know* she'd dump 
me at the drop of a hat.
  
  All in all, Kenji was the incredibly jealous type. Insecurities about
 relationships had brought him to the point he was at now, and a bad day at
 work had flared his temper up. He was not in the mood for screwing around.

Kenji: Well, I wouldn't put it *that* way...
  
  He caught a glimpse of Midori from the dance floor, dancing with some
 kind of pretty boy. Figures. She always did go for that type. But if
 Midori was out there, then where--
 
  When he got Miki into his sights, he frowned. She was sitting at the
 bar, talking and SMILING with another pretty boy. Kenji growled and
 cracked his knuckles. He was NOT in the mood for this. Time to teach
 someone a lesson.

And to think, Konatsu's *already* in the midst of a lesson...

 ****
 
  "Miki! Who the hell is this?" Kenji exclaimed as he stalked up to her.
 
  "Kenji! This is... this is..."
 
  "Hi! I'm Konatsu, and you are?" the pretty boy said with a smile.
 
  Kenji growled at him. "Dead," he replied.

Konatsu:  'Sfunny, you look alive to me...

  "Kenji, don't. We were just talking!" Miki exclaimed. "He's--"
 
  "He's trying to steal you from me, that's what!"

Kenji: And he could do it, too!
  
  "Kenji, back off!" Midori exclaimed as she ran up. "They were only
 talking!"
 
  "How could you let her do this," Kenji asked. "My own sister."
 
  "Hey, the lady was only talking to--" Ukyou began.
 
  "You stay out of this," Kenji warned.
 
  "Oh, is this one of those macho things?" Konatsu asked.
 
  Ukyou sighed and nodded.
 
  "Oh okay, let's get this over with quickly, then." He jumped off his

Needs punctuation:  "Oh, okay," or "Oh.  Okay,"

 stool and looked over at Kenji. "Seven and a half inches, how about you?"

Well, he's got one thing down about guys... he's exaggerating about that...
  
  Kenji raised an eyebrow. "What?"
 
  Ukyou blushed furiously, and bit her lip to keep from guffawing out
 loud, while Miki and Midori just blinked in obvious confusion.
 
  "Look here, pretty boy," Kenji said, jabbing a finger in Konatsu's
 direction. "I don't like the way you're looking at my girl."
 
  "Your girl? You... OWN her?" Konatsu asked.
 
  "Yeah," Kenji said, pointing a thumb at his chest. "She's mine!"
 
  Konatsu furrowed his brow. "It's not very nice to force someone into
 slavery, you know."

Nice take on Konatsu's POV... he *would* think of it that way.
  
  Kenji blinked. "Slavery, what--?"
 
  Konatsu narrowed his gaze and wore the defensive stance of his school.
 "Sexy Kunoichi final attack! Flying beer glass of retribution!" he called
 as he grabbed something from the counter and tossed it towards Kenji.
 
  Kenji's eyes popped open as a full mug of beer shot towards his head,
 struck him, and knocked him unconscious.

Midori:  My brother, unconscious after only one glass of beer.  Such a wuss.

Konatsu: So, does this mean he's shorter than me?

Ukyou: Well, since he's laid out on the floor like that, you're certainly 
taller at the moment.

Bill Murray: Y tenemeos un ganacidor para 'Quien en Mas Macho'!

  Miki stood behind him, her eyes
 wide open and in obvious shock. She looked up at Konatsu and blinked.
 "Well," she said. "I guess he deserved that, but... Sexy Kunoichi?"
 
  Ukyou's eyes popped open. "Konatsu! Men do NOT call themselves Sexy
 Kunoichi's!"

Lose the apostrophe.
  
  Konatsu blinked. "They don't?"
 
  Midori blinked. "Isn't a kunoichi... a female ninja?"
 
  "No," Konatsu said. "They can be male, too."
 
  "Err," Ukyou stammered. "You'll have to excuse my friend. He's a
 little... confused."

Ukyou: He's had a few more beers than usual.

  "He's not the only one," Miki said.

Miki: Yeah, Kenji only had *one* beer, and look at him...
  
  "We should leave," Ukyou said. "We'll... err... see ya around, okay?"
 Ukyou grabbed Konatsu's sleeve and began to pull him with her.
 
  "Wait!" Midori exclaimed. She quickly pulled a card out from her
 pocket. "Here!" she tossed it to Ukyou, who caught it without difficulty.
 
  "Call me some time," she winked.

Ohh, boy, is she gonna be in for a shock when she decides to go out for 
okonomi-yaki some day...

By the way, I wonder if those two paragraphs should be combined into one.

  Ukyou blushed and continued to pull Konatsu out of the dance club.
 
  "Did that not go well?" Konatsu asked.
 
  "Well, I think it went quite well until Mr. Machismo showed up. Oh,
 and... the Sexy Kunoichi attacks?"
 
  "Yes?"
 
  "Try not to use them when you're trying to at least... LOOK like a
 guy, okay?"
 
  "Well, it's traditional to call out our attacks before we use them."

You know, that never made sense to me, especially since ninjitsu is supposed 
to rely on stealth.  Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose?
  
  "Well, can't you call it something else? 'Sexy Kunoichi' doesn't
 exactly scream masculinity, you know..."

Nothing wrong with a guy calling himself sexy... a bit egotistical, but... 
hmm, that's a pretty masculine trait right there.
  
  "So... What should I do?"
 
  "Hard to say... try... Masculine Ninja! Or something..." Ukyou
 suggested. Of course, he imagination wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Ugh.  Macho man, he imagination no good.

I think you mean "her imagination..."

  "How about I adopt Sir Ranma's school? I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I
 call it Anything-Goes style. After all, it is an indiscriminate style."

Ha-ha-ha!  I dub thee Sir Ranma, knight of the Round Table.

Actually, so far, he's more Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Fic.

Seriously, though, it makes sense if you equate '-sama' with 'Lord' that 
'-san' (which is the suffix 'Natsu-chan uses for Ranchan) would approximate 
'Sir'... but it sounds just a wee bit silly (somebody, cue the Colonel)
 
  "Well, I think that would be all right," Ukyou thought. "You should
 still ask Ranchan, though."
 
  "Who is the master of his school? Would it not be better for me to ask
 him?"
  
  "THAT old freak? You'd be better off asking Ranma. TRUST me."

Although, if you ask Nodoka, Happi may qualify as the most manly of men... 
but no, I wouldn't want Konatsu to take after HIM.  GAWD, no...

 ****
 
  Authors notes:
 
  For those who don't know, the word bishonen roughly means, girlishly
 handsome. Kind like what we call 'pretty boys' out here. :P
 
  Also, for those who don't know who Konatsu is, check out the New Ranma
 Scan Project (http://ranmascan.dhs.org). If I recall Correctly, the
 Konatsu arc is at the end of volume 34 (or 35). Check it out, you won't be
 disappointed.
 
  Anyway, once again, C&C is highly appreciated, offers of pre-reading,
 you get the idea. ^_^

Hey, I'd love to pre-read more of this stuff... this is a subject near and 
dear to me, after all.  And it looks to be a great hoot of a series, between 
the interplay between 'myself' and 'Natsu-chan, the comic potential of 
Konatsu's inevitable (I should imagine) overcompensation and too-literal 
approach to 'my' instructions (7½ inches... oh, that's priceless!), and the 
reactions of outside observers to this "pretty boy" - something's not quite 
right about him, but they can't put their finger on it...

As far as technical comments go, nearly all you've got to worry about is the 
odd apostrophe and other punctuation, otherwise, it looks good.  It may not 
be fall-outta-the-chair, roll-in-the-aisles type funny, but it's got plenty 
of potential.  Especially with a character that hasn't been done to death in 
Ranma ½ - imagine that!
  
  Ttyl...
 
  Kyle...
 
Itsu mo,
Ucchan  ^_^


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