This one's beeing sitting around since March. It was written during one of our FFIRC "one hour" evenings.
The Smallest Kuno
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by June "KaraOhki" Geraci
March 26, 2000
Ranma 1/2 characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi. I just borrowed them for this story, which was written for entertainment purposes only
The car pulled up to the Kuno house and stopped. Its driver got out, opened one of the back doors, and leaned inside Soon she walked up to the house and knocked on the door. When she got no response, she shrugged and let herself in.
Principal Kuno lay back in his chaise lounge, sipping his pineapple juice while the sun lamp deepened his tan. He had his favorite Don Ho CD playing, his sunglasses on, and was in an unusually relaxed mood. His students would never have believed it.
The mood was shattered when the sunglasses were snatched from his face.
"Uncle Kuno! Uncle Kuno!"
He squinted at the source of the sound. A small child was holding his sunglasses, waving them about gleefully. Behind the child, Principal Kuno's sister Minori beamed at the child.
"There you are, brother! I've brought little Hitoshi to spend the day with you."
"You wen did wot?"
The principal's sister frowned at him. "You heard me. I have errands to run, and Hitoshi's nanny is sick." She patted her son on the head. "You'll be good for your uncle, won't you dear?"
The child ignored her, and ran across the room to a bowl of fruit. He grabbed several pieces, took a bite of each, and threw them on the floor.
"I'll be back tonight. Have a good time!"
Before the stunned man could say a word, his sister was gone.
*****
Kodachi Kuno was brushing her hair when she heard a knock on the bedroom door.
"Yes?"
It's yo' faddah, sweet t'ing!"
Kodachi was instantly suspicious. Her father would never call her "sweet thing" unless he wanted something. She opened the door a crack, and he pushed his way into her room.
"Dat auntie o'yours wen' bringin' dis cousin t'play wit' you t'day. You be takin' 'im to school wid you, yeah?"
He was gone so fast she couldn't see his smoke.
Kodachi cupped her chin in her hand as Hitoshi methodically destroyed her bedroom.
"I shall take you to school, and give you to the homemaking class. They can take care of you!"
*****
An hour later Kodachi heard her name over the loudspeaker system at St. Hebereke's. She was being summoned to the homemaking classroom.
When she entered, she encountered a sea of unfriendly faces. The teacher's glasses were cracked, most of the students had food splattered all over them, and there was a pile of broken toys on the floor. The teacher picked Hitoshi up and handed him to Kodachi.
"Miss Kuno, I would appreciate it if you would remove your cousin from the premises. Please do not bring him here again."
*****
"Akane Tendo, I have come to rescue you from that fiend Saotome!"
Kuno flew across the schoolyard, waving his bokken at Ranma. Ranma turned to look at Kuno just as Akane attacked him and knocked him unconscious.
"Hey, why did you do that?"
Akane shrugged. "It was my turn. You got to have the fun yesterday, and the day before that. Can't you keep track?
"Sorry."
They went into the school, and left Kuno lying on the ground. He woke up some time later.
"Classes must have begun," he muttered. "The loving attentions of my beloved Akane have made me late again."
Kuno began to stand up and felt something touch him. When he looked down, there was a pair of chubby arms grasping his leg.
"Cousin Tatty!"
A familiar laugh brought Kuno's head up. His sister stood there, looking a little worse for wear. Her hair was out of its usual ponytail, and her normally immaculate uniform was torn and dirty.
"Brother! How convenient of you to wait outside for me. Cousin Hitoshi needs someone to watch him today, and I'm afraid my schedule is too full. Since you're so very fond of him, I know you won't object to having him for a few hours."
Kodachi disappeared. One second she was there, and the next--she wasn't.
*****
Homemaking class was just about to begin when the door opened and Kuno entered with his cousin. He bowed respectfully to the teacher and pushed the child forward.
"This is my cousin Hitoshi, who has been left in our family's care today. I thought it would be good experience for the young ladies in your class to care for the child today." He paused, and noticed that the teacher looked somewhat annoyed. "With your permission, of course."
The teacher gave herself a mental shake. This was the principal's son, after all. It would be best to agree. She took the child's hand and nodded at Kuno. "We will take good care of him. You should get to your own class."
Kuno didn't respond. He was much too busy staring at Akane in what he considered to be a romantic manner. If he'd known that she thought him to look rather bovine at the moment, he would have been crushed.
"Mr. Kuno, I suggest that you get to your classroom."
*****
One advantage that little Hitoshi had was the fact that he was very cute. First impressions are important, and the girls in the class were captivated by the child. That is, most of the girls. Akane sat in a corner of the room, watching the rest of the girls hovering over the toddler. Ukyo noticed, and joined her.
"Is something wrong, Akane?"
"Did you see the way Kuno looked?"
"Yeah, kind of beat up. Wasn't that because of you?"
"Nope. If he has anything from me, it's a bump on the head. So where did the scratches come from, and what happened to his clothes?"
"You don't think Hitoshi did it, do you?"
"He IS a Kuno."
Just then one of the girls shrieked and ran to the sink. She began to cry as she ran cold water over her hand. The teacher was there in seconds.
"What's wrong?"
"He BIT me!"
After that things only went downhill. Ukyo and Akane watched as Hitoshi went on a rampage. He refused to sit and listen to stories, instead destroying the book. When the girls tried to interest him in building a tower of blocks, he knocked them down and then threw the blocks at them.
Someone got the bright idea of making him a snack. She and the rest of the girls ended up wearing it--mostly in their hair.
While they were cleaning up the mess, Hitoshi decided to have some fun of his own. He started to pour water out of the classroom windows.
Down below, Shampoo was chasing Ranma around with a delivery of ramen. The water hit both of them, and soon Ranma disappeared over the horizon, trying to run from the cat which had its claws buried in the back of his shirt.
*****
Ukyo and Akane sat in the corner the entire time, watching the carnage and whispering quietly to each other. When the teacher and the other girls were at their wits' end, they approached Hitoshi. Everyone held their breath as Akane and Ukyo walked right past him, and winked.
The wink intrigued the child. He followed to where Ukyo and Akane had huddled in another corner, whispering. They ignored him as he tried to listen in, and continued to whisper.
Akane looked down when a small hand touched her arm.
"You have a secret?"
"Yes. You want to hear?"
Hitoshi nodded enthusiastically.
*****
The teacher strained her ears, trying unsuccessfully to hear what the conversation in the corner was about. Unfortunately, she and the others in the room were only able to hear small bits of what Akane and Ukyo were saying. The only voice that rang out clearly was Hitoshi's.
"...want to learn...later?"
"Yes! Yes! I want to!"
"....then you can...say...and..."
"Okay! I can do that!"
*****
Ukyo and Akane were excused from the rest of their classes in order to stay with Hitoshi. The teacher was afraid that if they tried to get anyone else to watch him, he would go out of control again. Instead, she left him entirely in their care.
Eventually, the school day ended. Kuno arrived at the classroom to check on his cousin.
"Ah! The fair Akane has been caring for my cousin! How can I express my gratitude? OUCH!"
Kuno fell over. He had been hit from behind by a small wooden bokken, wielded by an equally small child. He sat up and looked at his cousin, who pointed the bokken at him.
"Tatty no baka!"
Ukyo grinned at Akane. "He learns well, doesn't he?"
The door opened, and Principal Kuno entered. He saw his son sitting on the floor and laughed.
"'Ey, little brudda, you lookin' silly, you know dat?"
His laughter stopped quickly when Hitoshi's bokken came down on his foot.
"Uncle look silly! Uncle no baka!"
The teacher put both hands over her mouth in an attempt to suppress her laughter, and fled. Akane and Ukyo didn't even bother to try. They laughed until they cried.
Principal Kuno wasn't around to see it. He grabbed his nephew and got himself home as fast as he could. The cries of "Uncle no baka" echoed through the streets as he ran.
*****
Minori arrived to pick up her son. When she walked into the house she discovered him fast asleep on a mat, clutching a small bokken. Her brother, niece, and nephew were all sitting nearby, looking totally exhausted.
She picked her son up, and gave him a kiss. He woke and smiled at her.
"Did you miss Mommy?"
"Mommy no baka!"
Minori glared at the other occupants of the room. "What have you taught my darling child?"
The three started to back away. When Minori got mad, it was time to run. Fast.
----------------------
comments are welcome: karaohki@snet.net, or to the list, or both
special thanks to Gary Kleppe for helping me with Principal Kuno's lines. I just can't get the "dialect".
Sparrow singing--
its tiny mouth
open
-----Buson