Phil wrote:
I haven't managed to C&C this excellent fic before (ie. been too busy and lazy
^_^), so I'll give it a go now. As always, all C&C are my opinions and
suggestions only.
I appreciate your time!
Jamie and Bridget Wilde wrote:
Air hummed softly in the cockpit, stirred by several ventilation fans
set above and behind the mechwarrior's ejector seat. The tinny whine of an
array of gas-plasma displays added to the ambient sound, as did the muted
roar of several hundred kilograms of liquid nitrogen rushing through the
flashing chambers of the battlemech's heat sinks.
tiny? whine
tinny. "thin in tone." Like that ultra-high pitched whistle you
sometimes hear from an old TV set.
Though no rival Great House had ever faced these weapons before, the
guns of Oni had duelled with a seditious branch of the Tendo Family in
the Confederation Civil War of 2802. The result of this fateful battle
was that the rival Tendos and their allies within the nobility were forced
to withdraw from the system before ever reaching Nerima, and had suffered
the loss of their pretender to the Ducal Throne when his heavy cruiser
was gutted by Naval Particle Cannon fire.
Chuckle. I'm picturing the Guns of Navarone in my head now....
That was rather the idea.
However, I'm gonna play the sour lemon of reality and point out that a single
moon, not matter how well-armed, cannot guard all the approaches to a planet.
Yes, I know its primary purpose is as a launch base for the aerospace fighters
and gunships, but Kuno could simply take losses from those and invade Nerima
directly.
I agree to a point with your opinion. If nothing else the fact that
Shounetsu Jigoku will at times be on the other side of Capella from the
planet Nerima will limit its effectiveness. The free-ranging GunShips
are the real threat to Kuno, as he can't spread his forces so thin as to
try and protect them all. If he knocks out the bases where they can
refuel, repair, and rearm, he limits their ability to do him harm.
Of course the Blue Thunder isn't one to refuse an offered challenge, so much of
my argument is moot in regards to him, but against other opponents in the eight
hundred year history of the Confederation....
They would have to face the same problems. In my interpretation of the
31st Century world of Battletech, a struggle for the capitol of the
Confederation would be a long and costly campaign. Supplies and
reinforcements are necessary, and the GunShips and fighter squadrons
represent a significant threat to one's logistical support. Add the fact
that in 3025 some types of fighter can still be built, whereas the
larger DropShips are a dying breed and irreplaceable, and you can see
why any military expedition into the system would be concerned with the
bases.
<snip>
The battle for the moon of Shounetsu Jigoku was joined.
Hmm, not sure what the name means - are you sure it's not Shoumetsu Jigoku?
'Extinction Hell' would seem appropriate.
According to my wife, Shounetsu Jigoku means "Inferno" - or fiery hell
in a loosely interpreted way. It's in keeping with the Venus-like
qualities of the planet Oni orbits.
Tatewaki Kuno took in the reports of the battle from the War Room
aboard his Overlord Class DropShip _Oda Nobunaga._ His forces had managed
several landings on the surface of Oni, including a surprise attack within
striking distance of one of the cursed Confederation fighter bases. The
word from his commanders in the field was optimistic, though casualties
were much higher than anticipated.
Casualties are _always_ much higher than anticipated; if leaders ever had a
realistic grasp of the casualties likely to result from a battle, no one (except
the criminally insane) would ever launch an assault. ^_^
Not always. The D-Day invasions of Northern France were significantly
below projected casualty figures. (By a factor of almost four according
to Cornelius Ryan's excellent book, "The Longest Day.")
The point of casualty assessment is to determine whether a particular
strategy is viable within your goals and available resources. The Allies
had over a million troops ready to go over to France. It was more
important to establish the beachhead to let those millions get through
then it was to agonize over the ten-thousand projected fatalities for
the first day of the invasion. When less than 3,000 men actually died,
it was regarded as a stroke of good fortune, even it it meant that there
were 3,000 families who had just lost a loved one.
<snip>
The Combine fire company on the ridge did not notice her advance at
first, as they were trading salvos of missiles with her forward-positioned
One-Charlie Company as it broke cover and began to rush the ridgeline. Her
main gun trained slowly from her 'mech's hip onto the closest of the enemy,
a Rifleman that tracked the black sky above for a sign of the Confederation
fighters. The range indicator on her HUD slowly ticked off into the amber,
then the green.
Um, not notice an _Atlas_? One hundred tons of walking death? The largest thing
likely to appear on the battlefield? Let me tug on my suspenders of disbelief.
^_^
Ever played paintball? Fought in massed hardsuit combat in the SCA or
one of its cousin organizations? Tunnel vision is what happens to people
who are fighting for their lives, even in mock combat. If the 'mechs on
the ridge were trading fire with another company, they would probably
not notice Kasumi's Atlas until it started to have a direct bearing on
their future existence...
The 'Battle of Oni Ridge'? was one of the best pieces of descriptive writing
I've read in fanfic. Nice job.
Thanks!
With one more cycle of movement to go, she spied a large metalshod
foot step precariously close to the edge. Her Atlas reached out and grabbed
the battlemech's ankle, its massive fingers crushing through the weak armor
of a Trebuchet and snapping the actuator. The Combine war machine jerked
instinctively away from her grapple, but the Atlas was too strong to resist.
Kasumi thought her 'mech through the complicated series of motions necessary
to wrench the hapless Trebuchet off the cliff, and was rewarded by the flash
of a Furinkan Combine pineapple insignia painted on its torso as it flew
over her shoulder and crashed against the jagged rocks below.
Hehe, 'pineapple insignia' really does add a dose of depth to the piece.
Sure ting, bruddah!
The Trebuchet began to thrash violently on the lava plain, impaled
by a lance-like piece of basalt, and a victim of a slowly brewing ammunition
explosion. Kasumi was too busy clambering up the cliff to notice.
Um, I hate to point this out (actually, I love pointing these things out, but
you'd already guessed that, right?) but ammo explosions don't slowly brew;
they're pretty much all-or-nothing occurrences.
In the game system, yes. In real life, from World War II to the Persian
Gulf War... not always.
<snip>
She took full advantage of this, stomping inexorably towards them
with the battered club held high. The grinning death's head of her Atlas
had been engineered to be as gruesome and frightening as possible, and the
sight of a 'mech that could literally rip any other battlemech apart with
its bare hands was enough to give even the bravest mechwarrior pause.
You know, the picture of Kasumi in an Atlas is a truly wonderful piece of
contrast - very nicely done.
Thanks again!
"Keep trying to get in direct contact with General Tendo," he added.
His faithful Kasumi, shouldering the burden that he should have reserved
for himself! "Order her to make preparations to evacuate Base LIBERTY and
return with all remaining troops to Nerima. We'll make our last stand in
orbit and on the surface of the planet."
Good question. Why isn't Soun in charge on Oni? Yes, he's the symbol of the
Confederation and all, but this is the home system - the Grand Duke should be
out there fighting to protect his people, right?
He's saving that for when Kuno lands on Nerima.
"I'm very sorry, Miss Tendo, but your access to this area has been
rescinded."
Not Lady Nabiki? She is still the Chief of Intelligence; Miss Tendo sounds
strange.
Unless she isn't Chief of Intelligence anymore, and hasn't been notified
of it...
<snip>
"<It is obvious that Shampoo was able to escape with help from within
the garrison of the Fortress. I would not put it past even the Castellan
herself to have had a hand in this affair. Would that I had jurisdiction
on this world, I could begin an investigation into the matter, but lacking
that, I can only report this incident to higher authority.>" He stepped
to the mat where his cape lay. Lime hustled wordlessly over to him and
draped the shimmering green silk over his shoulders. "<Give notice to the
Captain of the _Demon-God of the East Wind_ that we shall raise ship as
scheduled.>"
'Toufuu no Majin' (With apologies to Roeder-san, but the sentence subject in
reversed in these instances).
Since I don't know what "Demon-God of the East Wind" would be in
Chinese, I kept it at that. Any help from readers who speak Chinese
would be appreciated.
<snip>
With luck he would have enough time for Shampoo and Mousse to acquire
the data regarding Ryuugenzawa. He had a regiment of crack Musk Dynasty
troops standing by to deploy to any part of the Inner Sphere to take and
hold the legendary world long enough to loot it of all its secrets. Then
he could finally drop his charade of loyalty to the Joketsuzoku, and usher
in a new age for the Commonwealth: the Age of the Musk Dynasty, with himself
as its first Emperor.
You know, reading all this makes me believe the Amazons should really have been
placed in the role of the Federated Suns in the first place. Herb is the obvious
highly-placed traitor and would-be independent ruler in charge of the Capellan
March, and the Jusenkyo Labs have their analogue in the NAIS.
You know, I've been out of the Battletech loop for so long when I
started writing this, I completely missed your all-too-accurate
assessment. Oh well, too late to change now.
It just seems weird for them to be equated to the incompetent Lyrans, while the
competent Davions have been sacrificed to the altar of Asuza. Oh well, it is an
alt-BT uni, so I shouldn't reflect my prejudices so much. ^_^
"Sacrified to the altar of Azusa..." I like the sound of that. :)
<snip>
She stood in the doorway to the Mess Hall, looking at the many still
forms lying beneath bedsheets, blankets, even formal capes and camouflage
panchos. The steady drip of blood and other fluids into sheet pans from
the kitchen that had been placed on the floor underneath them, echoed
hollowly in a room meant to serve hundreds. She walked silently among the
dead, passing a pale and bloody limb that had fallen out from under the
mortuary shroud here, or a long fall of once-lustrous green hair that
reached the floor over there.
You killed Lum!? Oh, the horror! ^_^
:)
<snip>
Thanks for your time and troubles!
Jamie