At 21:10 -0700 17/06/00, Daniel R Oliver wrote:

A 'Shroomy Fanfic Story

       By: Daniel Oliver

  Benjamin "Nuke'em 'Till They Glow!!" Olliver's baby brother.  Be afraid -- Be VERY afraid...

       CHAPTER TWO!!

The Great Yearning - For Plot; For Sanity; For ArbyFish

  Yearning for plot?  At least *something's* logical in this fic!

        Serena made a quick sweep of her hand, starting with her palm
up, fingers pointed at Molly, and finishing with it pointing towards
the restaurant.

       ["Come, Patsy,"

  Can't leave it alone without some Python -- it'd be a crying shame!

the blonde girl said and galloped off, taking
the lead, Molly in second... oh, but wait, here comes Lita catching
up and taking third place... boy, oh, boy, are we in for a race
here folks... there goes Lita, whizzing past Molly, and nipping at
Serena's heels... And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mina's
picking up her pace, starting to... whoap... Lita has been tripped by
Serena, I'm not sure if that's legal, but... oh, and there goes Mina,
whizzing past Molly... Molly had a good start, but she can't compete
with... uh-oh... Lita has gotten up again, and boy does she look mad,
Lita's not gonna let Serena get away with that... but it might be too
late, because the finish line is just around the bend... It's Serena
in First, Mina close behind in second, Lita closing in third, and
Molly dropping back in forth..... here it is, ladies and gentlemen,
they're coming around to the last stretch... Serena's looking
worried... there it is... this is going to be close... AND IT'S......
IT'S!!!!]

       "NO RUNNING!" Ms. Haruna, who happened to be passing by, yelled
at the group.

  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  <snigger>  That was a good part...

       "This is kind of expensive," Lita said, noting advertized
prices of the meals per plate and the 'more than all you can eat'
buffet, "are you sure you got the dough?"

       "Yeah," Mina reinstated, "are you sure you got enough clams?"

       "Yeah," Molly said between heaving breaths, walking up to the
group as they stood, looking at the place of alimentary nourishment,
"it'd take a lot of bucks to eat at this place."

       "Have no fear, my loyal companions..." Serena said, then
whistled. In response to the whistle, a herd of male deer galloped
up to the front of the building, towing a batch of un-baked shellfish
cookies,

   Please, I cannot take the Pun-ishement!

       Mina made a circling motion with one finger pointed to her
temple... the temple on her head (she didn't go insane and buy Raye's
or anything... not yet, anyway)

  Sshhh!  You're giving away the plot!!!

At the buffet court...

       Oh, the mountains of food... the oceans of soup... the plains
of salad... the hillsides of cheese... the peaks of meat, and the
valleys of dinner rolls... the rivers of softdrinks, and the fjords
of desserts.

  Gastronomical geography.  That's actually a new one on me...

       The blonde girl with the almost unnoticeably small, green
splotch in her hair then went back to the fountain drinks and
drained them.

  Did she eat some soylent green?  :)

       "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Host Kalipso yelled, his face a turning
to a confused scowl.

       "Pet bilge rats have overrun the wheat field!" Serena
replied, making a over viewing motion with her hand at the buffet.

 <snigger>  Damn hungry bilge rats, IYAM...

       *Ding-dong* the doorbell rang.

       Raye and Amy looked at each other, puzzled.

       *Ding-dong* it rang again.

       "Do you _have_ a doorbell?" Ami asked Raye.

       "I didn't think so." the dark-haired priestess responded.

  Heh...  :)

       Raye opened the door to find a man with a megaphone that had
a _whole_ lot of buttons on it. He was swinging it around madly and
hitting it against trees, walls, himself, and everything else that
was around him.

       "What are you doing, Dave?" it said, "would you like me to sing
you a song?"

       The man threw it on the ground and starting jumping on it.

  Wow, I never thought anyone could introduce 2001 in such an... odd setting...

       "Oh, sure," Vet K. said, turning to go to his car, "just let
me get some... 'medical' equipment..."

       Raye turned to Ami.

       Ami shrugged in response.

       The waited for a few seconds.

*BZZZZRrrrr* *BBzzrrr-BZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRR*

       "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Vet K. burst back in through the door,
wielding a chainsaw, and wearing a ski mask.

  Heh!  :)

       "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU PSYCHO?" Raye yelled at him,
unrecoiling, and taking a more offensive stance.

       (I think most of their stances are 'offensive,' but much more
so when they're transformed. She _does_ have the longest skirt,
normally, except when they wear pants, and...)

       {*BAM* *WACK* *BIFF* 'I TELL YOU 'STAY ON SUBJECT', but _no_
you go and have aside with readers! Now, in name of all that is
deranged and mental... I KILL YOU!!!' *SLAP!* *COW!* *BEEF!* *SLUG!*
*CRACK!* *SLAM!* *CRUNCH!*}

  MPS and a break in the quatrieme mur.  Looking good so far!

       "If you miss, wont you hurt Luna?" Raye pleaded for the cat's
safety.

       "Uhn..." he shrugged his shoulders, "probably."

  Yes!  :)

       *BZZZZZZRRRRRRRRR* *SAAAAAAAAWWWWWW*

  <Phoenix facefaults>

       Woodchips flew as the veterinarian cut a circle around the
fettered feline. The circle fell with Luna still clinging to it.
Raye caught it.

       (I still think it would have been funnier if the temple fell
down around them, and the circle was left hanging in the air, but
I have to keep reminding myself that this is a 'SAILOR MOON'
continuity, not a 'BUGS BUNNY' cartoo...)
             {'YOU PAY FOR INSOLENCE! I TELL YOU ONCE, I TELL YOU SEXTILLION
TIMES!!! NO PERSONAL ASIDES OR I OBLITERATE YOU!!!'}

       (HA! I'm immune to your silly pummeling, jughead... um...
what's that?)

  Remind's me of Tim's unique case of MPS in NETTG!!

  Oh well, as long as it's MPS and not PMS...  <Phoenix runs away>

       Serena, Molly, Lita, Mina, Waiter Kalipso, and Host Kalipso all
leaped back in surprise as the daimon landed on a table in front of
them after taking a single bound.

       The daimon raised her arm, revealing a black star in her
armpit, which she pointed at Serena.

       "EEEEEEWWWW, stinky," Serena said, holding her nose, "somebody
didn't use deodorant."

       The daimon put her arm down, looking embarrassed.

  BWAHAHAHA!  Too bad they never came up with that sort of scene in the few eps I saw in the anime!  :)

       A translucent, black beam of energy shot out of the star in
the daimon's armpit and borrowed into Serena's chest.

       Serena stood there with a puzzled look on her face.

       "Is that the best you can do?" she said, looking down at
the place where the beam connected with her chest, "If you're looking
for a pure heart, you wont find it there."

SERENA: "After all, you're looking at the person who'll be giving birth to the Chibi-Spore"

DAIMON: <nods in understanding and sympathy>

       "I think that we should transform," Lita whispered in Serena's
ear.

   Aawww!  <pout>

       "JUPITER STAR POWER," Lita said, starting to transform.

Done it, went there...

       "VENUS STAR POWER," Mina said, also starting to transform.

  Got the T-Shirt...

       "MARIACHI FUERZA," Serena said,

  <blink>  Mmmhhh...  All may not be lost!

       "MAKE UP!" Lita and Mina finished.

       Their transformations ensued, abra-kadabra *poof* they're
done.

       "FABRICANT-ARRIBA!" Serena said differently, but somehow the
same.

  I thank my small lessons in Spanish!  :)

       Serena's transformation started. Hamster wheels spun in the
background with their name-sake animals inside them trying
frantically to get nowhere.

  <snigger>

 Serena glowed bright green and a guitar
appeared in her hands. She looked to her left, paused for effect,
then struck a chord on the guitar three times in quick succession.
With the chord, there appeared the traditional mariachi pants. Serena
looked to her right, paused for effect again, and struck a higher
chord in the same manner as the first. A serape appeared, draped over
her shoulders. The partially transformed mariachi faced forward and
struck another triplet chord, followed by three slower chords going
up and three chords going back down. Her transformation finished off
with a sombrero on her head, a mustache, and a mariachi band which
appeared behind her, playing a Mexican hat dance.

  This gets better!  :)

       "HOLA!" Serena greeted everyone as the band continued to play,
"Soy Marina Mariachi. Bombas de estomago son solo por los infermos.
No puedo te permito desagua la comida de estes personas! Con
nuestros trompetas," she turned around and swept her arm towards the
band, "y mi guitarra..." she turned back around and held up her
guitar, "en el nombre de la luna... YO TE CASTIGARE!"

   <Phoenix is quickly flipping through his French/Spanish dictionary>

       Little subtitles appeared at her feet:
*-       Hello! I am Sailor Mariachi.
       Stomach pumps are only for the sick.
       I can't permit you to drain the food from these people!             With our trumpets, and my guitar...
       in the name of the moon...
       I WILL PUNISH YOU!           -*

  Oh...  That makes it better...

       "No hablas mi nombre real en frente de los ni~nos!" Serena
snapped back at her.

*-       Don't use my real name in front of the children!       -*

       Habberjug and Willywug looked down at the subtitles.

       "EY!" Habberjug spoke for himself and Willywug, "We're fully
grown!"

       Willywug nodded in agreement.

  HABBERJUG:  We wuz spawned a whole thu-ree minutes ago!

       "Serena," Venus started up, "why don't you do something about
the Daimon?"

       "Pienso que es mono!" Serena said, tilting her head to the side
in an adoring manner.

*-       I think that it's a monkey!       -*

       Serena looked down at the subtitle and kicked it.

*-       I think that it's cute!        -*

  <snigger>

       "Disrespeta mi musica," Sailor Mariachi's face turned red,
"Y TE MATO!"

  You're a tomato?

*-       Disrespect my music, AND I KILL YOU!       -*

  Close enough.

       "Luna... Mariachi... Superpotente... GUERRA INDIGESTION!"
Sailor Mariachi pointed the guitar at the daimon, who was crouched
into a little ball of fear.

*-       Moon... Mariachi... Superpotent... INDIGESTION WAR!"       -*

       Hot sauce poured from the air onto a surprised Sailor Mariachi.

       In the confusion, everyone but Serena and the daimon sneaked
out of the room.

       "Ay, carumba! No es correcto!" Sailor Mariachi said, looking at
all the hot sauce that she was covered in.

  Heh...  :)

       Sailor Mariachi stepped to the side, took the daimon by the waist
with both hands, and threw the stomach pump monster gracefully up
into the air like a ballerina. It didn't land so gracefully, however.

       "DAAAIMOOOOOOON*THUMP**OMPH*" it said onomatopoeiadically, as

  Wow, I wonder if that word actually exists (not that it'd matter in this fic)

       "LUNA... MARIACHI... FRIJOLES LOCOS!!!!!!!" Serena played her
guitar(as well as possible, considering the type of music) and began
her attack. Suddenly, gigantic Mexican jumping beans rode in on
horse-back, firing their pistolas in the air and yelling.

*-       Moon... Mariachi... CRAZY BEANS!!!!!!!       -*

  <Phoenix blinks>   Okaaayyyyy...  Now *that's* different!

       The veterinarian looked at the bottle, it was a half-pint, glass
bottle. He turned it around a few times, examining the syrupy
extract of the Cephaelis Ipecacuanha plant. He opened it up,
smelled it, tasted a little, it was made of nice, stomach upsetting
alkaloids. Finally, the pet-doctor announced, "This might do,"

  <sirupy voice> Oh yes they are!  Nice alkaloids!  Niiiice alkaloids!

       Amy stared on in a sort of apathetic interest as Mr. Kalipso
began to administer the ipecac to the cat.

  Isn't that an oxymoron (as in oxygenated moron)?

       A big, white seal, at least twice the size of Luna, slowly crept
out of her mouth, looking very depressed.

       Raye looked at Amy, then Amy looked at Raye. They both looked
at what came out of the cat.

  The cat came out of the bag, but what came out of the cat?

       "That tasted soooooo depressing," he said, looking up at
everyone with his sad eyes. As he it had been traumatized by a
lampshade when he was very young.

  The logic between in the two sentence is absolutely flawless!  :)

       "Nevermind," Serena said, and Waddled off toward Raye's temple.
She could smell plot emanating from that direction.

  Plot or pot?  In this Serena's case, who knows?  :)

       "Huh?" the daimon let out in surprise as it was lifted into the
air.

*-       Que?       -*     A stray subtitle found its way into the scene.
Sailor Mariachi frowned at it and kicked it quickly into a bush.

   <snigger>

       Raye and Amy walked out towards Sailor Mariachi as Mr. Kalipso
ran back inside with the daimon.

       "Who are you?" Raye asked to do 'el Mexicano Marinero Soldado de
Amor, Justico, y Otras Cosas'.

  <looks around for subtitles, then shrugs>

       "What is going on with you?" Raye wanted to do make some measure
of sense from Serena's actions over the past few days, "Have you been
smokin' hash?"

       "No, I'd never do anything of the sort!" Serena was a little
offended.

       "Have you been licking toads?" Raye continued.

       "Only on Wednesdays!" Serena said with a confidence that one
argues with when someone has found a horrible secret.

  The truth is out there!  We just might not want to know about it...

       "Murray! It-needs... more... power!" Serena said to do Vet
Kalipso.

       "I can't give 'er any morrrre!" Vet Kalipso, in a flustered
moment, hit the stomach pump with a hammer.

  That's "I cannna' give 'er any morrrre, Cap'n!"

       Everybody except Serena and Murray looked at each other in
surprise. Serena leaned up close to do the stomach pump repository case.

       "Who's there?" Serena asked.

       "ArbyFish!" a muffled reply came from inside.

       "ArbyFish who?" Serena queried.

       "ArbyFish an' a can'a beans! Now open up!" it said
impatiently.

       Serena released the latch that held the container closed.

       "'ELLO!" and Arby, the ArbyFish, popped out and thus began the
rampage of the Sailor Moon universe!

  ...  Oh my god.  They can travel to multiple realities?

  Overall:  Very nice vocabulary and lots of play on words!  It makes *just* enough sense to be nonsensical!  Of course, it helps that the ArbyFish is one of my favorite fan-constructions...

  Try and read it!  You might be surprised  -- the second part makes marginally more sense than the first...