Doug beat me to the draw on this one ^_^, but since I was already a good ways
into it when I had to break, I'll just continue in the same vein. Ignore any
repeated commentary.
He could feel it surging through him, like it always did. But, this
time,
But this time,
he could see it, directly ahead and filling his field of
vision. A blue-green planet, and the golden tide cascading from it
to him.
The power.
More than he could possibly channel thorough
through
his human body, even
when transformed. Suddenly, like a mighty river or the trunk of a
great tree, it branched into two streams, the second flowing past
the edge of his vision to somewhere... someone else.
Somehow, his power was dividing, for what need or purpose he didn't
know. But he wanted to. And, as if in response to his wish, he heard
a voice. A beautiful female voice filled with love so tangible it
was almost physical. "My son," it began. "What troubles you?"
Suggest: "My son," it began, "what troubles you?"
"What's happening? Why is the power dividing?" He
he
wordlessly asked
with thoughts permeated by concern.
"Your heart spoke true when you realized the power, MY power was
...power, MY power, was
more than you could possibly use. So, I wish to offer another a
position as your apprentice. A squire to your knight." Then the
warmth changed a bit to become more of a motherly concern. "With
your permission, of course."
He considered the offer for a moment. It would be intriguing to have
a student to teach. To be joined by a fellow warrior who would share
the burden he bore alone.
Maybe a tad too many fragmented sentences, even for the style. Suggest:
It would be intriguing to have a student
to teach, to be joined by a fellow
warrior who would share the burden
he bore alone.
But he could only wonder why? And his
parents were long dead and buried. How could this disembodied voice
be his mother? But he knew, with certainly equal to his puzzlement,
that she was.
"I am the mother of you all. My blood is in the winds, rivers,
oceans, lakes, and lava flows. My body is the mountains, canyons,
deserts, and plains. I have many names, but one of which is Earth."
Suggest: I have many names, one of which is Earth." (The 'but' infers
additional meaning that I'm not sure you mean.)
And then, he knew.
"Excuse me sir, will you please put your seat back up?
Suggest: "Excuse me, sir. Will you...
We'll be
landing at Tokyo soon." A young woman's voice asked, displacing the
other woman's.
Hmmm. If you're going to have the 'asked', I suggest this arrangement:
"Excuse me, sir. Will you please put your
seat back up?" a young woman's voice asked,
displacing the other woman's. "We'll be
landing at Tokyo soon."
The handsome, black-haired college student blinked. Then he stared
for a few moments as one reality swept away contact with another,
leaving only memories in its wake. "Sure," he replied as he leaned
forward and pressed the lever to move the seat up. Glancing to his
right out the window, he saw the expanse of the Pacific rushing up
to meet him. He smiled then, basking for a moment in the glory of
his Mother.
He knew she would be waiting for him... Usako. It had only been a
few weeks, but he could sense the longing in his girlfriend's heart
that steadily increased with each phone call they had exchanged.
The switch in his thinking from 'Mother' to Usako jars me somewhat. The next
to last paragraph ends with 'Mother', and the next begins with "He knew she
would be waiting for him", at which point I'm assuming you're speaking of
'Mother'. The "...Usako." comes out of nowhere.
***
Ranma 1/2 Honor and Love
(Yet Another) Ranma/Sailor Moon Crossover
Episode 09: A Flash of Silver
By Kevin D. Hammel
Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi. Publication Rights are
held by Viz in The US and Shogakukan in Japan. Sailor Moon is
property of Naoko Takeuchi. Publication rights held by Kodansha Ltd.
in Japan and Mixx Entertainment in the US. My purpose is to honor
these creators and their works. No infringement intended.
***
Two teenaged girls craned their necks looking for a specific
passenger to enter the lobby from a gate at Narita Airport. The one
with auburn hair saw him first, by virtue of her slight height
advantage.
She excitedly announced the discovery to her friend, "Usagi-chan, I
see..."
The shorter blonde cut off her friend with a shout of, "Mamo-chan!"
as she flew across the lobby toward the dark-haired college student.
His speculations on the meaning of his dreams came to an abrupt end
upon hearing the cry of his girlfriend. The young man's face was lit
Suggest: The young man's face lit... (too passive with 'was')
with a smile as he dodged a few slower-moving passengers to reach
his, "Usako!"
Suddenly, a suitcase seemed to materialize in Usagi's path, sending
her flying the last meter or two into Mamoru's arms. With a more
emphatic reprise of her name,
This lost me. Reprise?
Mamoru caught Usagi, and each held the
other for a while. Words weren't needed to communicate their
feelings about the moment, or each other.
After many pounding heartbeats, Usagi let Mamoru go, then spoke to
her love with unaccustomed gravity. "Mamo-chan, a lot's happened
since you left." As she continued, she glanced at Naru, "And Naru-
chan here is a big part of it."
Naru flushed a bit at her friend's mention of her role in recent
events,
events.
"Usagi-chan, lets find a place with just a little more
privacy to discuss this, okay?"
"Sure!" Usagi enthused.
"But first, I need to pick up my luggage."
luggage,"
Mamoru said as he pointed
at the stairs to the baggage claim area.
The three friends headed downstairs to pick up Mamoru's luggage, and
then catch a train home.
***
In the living room of the Saotome house in Juuban, Ranma, his
mother, and the three Tendou sisters gathered after their Sunday
morning meal.
"Mom, I need to talk to you, "
you," (space)
Ranma said as he walked over to her,
the three Tendous watching his every move... hearing his every...
"Let's go outside."
"Certainly, Ranma."
Ranma,"
Nodoka replied, and then followed her son out
the door.
When he heard the door close, Ranma turned around. "Mom..." He
he
began
with a swallow. "Yesterday at school, a really nice girl gave me
some tips on how to attract guys." He closed his eyes... it was hard
to continue. His lip trembled as he struggled with what to say next.
A warm embrace loosened his tongue.
This seems out of place because Ranma doesn't say anything right after it.
He opened his eyes to see tears
flowing down his mother's face.
"Ranma..." She
she
whispered, "I NEVER intended..."
Ranma nodded and shook his head to show his understanding. "Pop had
my head all screwed up when it came to girls, mom. And you figured
out a way to try an' fix that. So, 'Kikuko' went to school... And
studied hard... And made new friends... And likes the way things are
going right now. The problem is... Ranma NEVER did any of that.
Please don't forget I'm a guy. Or did you decide you wanted a
daughter, Mom?"
"No, Ranma. I didn't want a daughter." She closed her eyes as she
scanned her mind for what to say next. Opening them again, she
continued, "well,
"Well,
that's not quite true. I would love to have a
daughter, but you are my son. I want you to be the man amongst men
Genma promised me."
"Huh?" Ranma asked, puzzlement plain on his face.
"When you were little, your father, and you, made an agreement with
me that he would raise you to be a 'Man Amongst Men' or else both of
you would commit Seppuku. Even you marked the contract... with a
handprint."
"What?!" Ranma shouted in disbelief. "Of all the hare-brained
screwball ideas!"
"Don't worry, Dear. I destroyed the document after you called me
from Osaka. I've seen you around Makoto-chan, and I think Genma's
promise has been fulfilled."
"But what about Kikuko?" Ranma asked, noticing his mother's
carefully schooled expression waver a bit at the name.
"What about Kikuko, Ranma? We talked to the principal and, given
your curse, it was agreed that this would be how best to proceed. It
is much harder for you to change from a girl to a boy in a normal
situation." She looked straight into her son's eyes, waiting for a
response. "Do you hate your curse that much?"
Ranma shook his head in the negative as he responded. "I use to, but
I have my reasons to... live with it."
Nodoka smiled knowingly. "Like your alternate identity."
Ranma stepped back from his mother, recalled his pen, and then
transformed. He knew his mother knew, after all.
Nodoka gaped. She had never seen the change up close. It was
amazing, and a bit unsettling, considering it was happening to her
son. When it was over, she took a close look at the diminutive
Sailor Senshi. Would she have ever approved of a daughter dressed
that way? The skirt was AWFULLY short on his ersatz school uniform.
But he did have to perform martial arts in it, and a kimono just
wouldn't do for that. "Ran..."
Did you intend the masculine forms in the previous two sentences? Some writers
do.
"Io, please Mo... Mrs. Saotome. Sailor Io." Looking both ways to
make sure nobody heard, Io breathed a sigh of relief. Of course, she
realized with a frown, the front porch wasn't the best place to
transform...
"Sailor Io, then. What's it like to change like that? To be a Sailor
Senshi?" Nodoka asked. Io flushed a bit, and then pride crept slowly
onto her face. It was a feeling Nodoka gladly reflected.
"It's hard to describe. When I'm like this, I can feel Io and her
power inside me. It's really hard to say any more about it... Mrs.
Saotome." She paused for a few moments as she considered what to say
next.
"I remember the dream I had..." Sailor Io continued with a somewhat
distracted look as she recalled her meeting with her patron. "Io
actually came to me in a dream, just after I came home."
Nodoka smiled knowingly and nodded. "That was the night you came to
my room in your pajamas. I knew you were shaken by something, Io...
chan."
Sailor Io smiled and bobbed her own head. "Yeah, that was the night.
Then I transformed for the first time the next night. I didn't want
to hide anything from the other Sailor Senshi, even my curse."
Her face became ashen as she continued, "But two of my friends don't
know my secret... And now ANYTHING I say will hurt both of 'em."
'em,"
Io
replied with eyes downcast.
Nodoka couldn't help but hug the Neo Senshi fiercely. "It's going to
be hard for you. I don't want you to fully become a girl, but I
don't want you to disgrace our family either with hasty actions.
We'll need to take this slowly and care..." She let go of the little
Sailor after the girl struggled for a few instants, and then pulled
had herself free.
and then had pulled herself free.
A distressed and confused Sailor Io took a few steps back, and then
ran inside.
"Io-chan!" The
the
Senshi's mother shouted as she ran after him into the
house.
A concerned Nabiki looked on the scene,
Suggest: A concerned Nabiki watched the scene,
unobserved from a nearby
window. She shook her head as she considered the ramifications of
the sudden revelation Ranma wanted versus Nodoka's careful approach.
If Mrs. Saotome got too careful, she wouldn't even have a son at the
end of her training.
The middle Tendou daughter stared thoughtfully at the space occupied
by a mother and child only moments before. Things like this never
used to bother her. Was this new concern for others part of the
price she had to pay to be a Sailor Senshi? Of course, if she had
REALLY changed, she wouldn't be listening in on private mother-child
conversations.
But it was just too much fun to know what they said, rather than
guess. Besides, knowledge like this always ended up being worth a
few yen.
One question remained, however. Now that she knew, what would she
do? Did she really care how this bizarre little soap opera turned
out? Yes she did, somehow she knew she had to do something. With a
sigh, she shut the window, then walked upstairs to the room she
shared with her sisters.
Nodoka stood for a few moments, considering what to do. She slapped
her forehead as she realized she had other chores to attend to
today.
That action doesn't feel very Nodoka to me. Maybe: She started and silently
chided herself as she realized...
She went in to
into
the house to prepare for the cross-town
journey that duty, and the Tendou sisters, needed her to perform.
At the edge of the solar system, an observer took note. There were a
few things Charon, and the Neo Senshi, would need to fulfill their
destiny. A thought, a concealed connection, and it was done.
***
Usagi pushed the buzzer by the door. Muted footfalls answered the
summons, and then the door opened a crack to reveal her friend and
teammate Ami. "Hi, Ami. Is your mom here?"
"No, she isn't, she
Suggest: "No, she isn't. She...
pulled a long shift today." The
today," the
girl replied,
then looked over her friend's shoulder to see a familiar face that
had been absent for a few weeks. "Welcome back, Chiba-san." She
looked at Naru as she continued. "There are some things you need to
know."
"So everybody tells me."
me,"
Mamoru replied. "Care to elaborate, Ami?"
"Yes, I would." Ami flushed for a moment, and then stepped back,
clearing the doorway. "Please, come in."
After Ami had fulfilled her duty as hostess by providing a plate of
cookies and four glasses of lemonade, she sat down at the table to
join her guests.
Washing the last of his cookie down with a swig of lemonade, Mamoru
spoke. "Okay, so what's the story, Ami-chan?"
Naru and Ami both turned to face the young man. Taking advantage of
the distraction, Usagi shoveled all the remaining cookies onto her
plate, eliciting a giggle from Naru.
Gah, that Usagi. ^_^
"Uh... I thought you guys were done with 'em."
'em,"
Usagi sheepishly
offered.
"I think we were, Usagi chan."
Usagi-chan,"
Ami replied with a small smile.
Turing to Naru, she continued.
This is a minor nit, but I notice you use this action+'continued' construction
a lot. Consider tightening those up with just the action. Since we're in the
same paragraph, the 'continued' is superfluous:
"I think we were, Usagi-chan," Ami
replied with a small smile. She turned
to Naru. "Naru-chan, perhaps you...
"Naru-chan, perhaps you could
demonstrate your new abilities for Chiba-san?"
"Okay," Naru said as she stood. She summoned her henshin pen, then
with a call of "Callisto Lumina Power! Make up!" She
she (auto-correct getting you here? :)
became Sailor
Callisto.
Mamoru looked at the transformation in surprise, and then shook his
head almost knowingly. Maybe that's why the power was being
channeled to another. "Callisto... So you must be the Senshi of one
of Jupiter's moons?"
Sailor Callisto offered a quick nod in response.
"Are there any more new Senshi, Usako?" Mamoru asked, with a puzzled
smile.
"Let's see Io,
Suggest: "Let's see... Io, Europa...
--or--
"Let's see: Io, Europa...
Europa, Ganymede, Callisto, Titan, Triton, and
Charon. That makes seven... at least so far."
far,"
Usagi replied as she
counted the Neo Senshi off on her fingers.
"Seven? I don't remember Senshi of moons before. I wonder why there
are some now?" He
he
asked with a puzzled expression.
"I dunno," Usagi replied with a shrug of her shoulders. Her
expression became a lot more serious as she contained.
continued (?) [see earlier suggestion. ^_^]
"And all the
Senshi that use henshin pens have a problem too."
"And the eight planetary Senshi are having a strange drop in their
power levels."
levels,"
Ami added with a sober expression.
Mamoru listened carefully as the situation was laid out before him.
"I see," he said at last. He wondered if he should mention his
dream? No, that was for when he actually knew what it meant.
Noticing Mamoru's distraction, Usagi probed a bit, "Mamo-chan, what
are you thinking about? Has something happened to you
you,
too?" She
she
worriedly asked.
"We'll talk about it later, Usako. Let's wait until I know for sure
what's going on, okay?"
"Okay, Mamo-chan." A
Mamo-chan," a
slightly disappointed Usagi replied.
After that, there wasn't more to do, except for Usagi to scarf down
the rest of the cookies. But they didn't taste as good as they had
before the conversation started.
***
Ranma looked at her reflection in the mirror. She had never really
had a room, let alone a mirror, before. The girl who looked back was
both familiar and strange. She put a hand to a cheek, noticing
softness to both that was still hard to accept. Then, she extended
that same hand to the mirror's glass surface until the hand and its
reflection touched at the interface
Suggest 'border' or something similar. 'Interface' implies interaction, which
there isn't.
of fantasy and reality.
The girl in the mirror cared about school, but still was a martial
artist. Though it wasn't a school day, she wore her Juuban High
girl's uniform. And she actually liked the way it looked on her. The
girl had friends and a mother who loved her. She was also a Sailor
Senshi, and had sent more than one horrible creature back to the
Hell that spawned it.
But, inside,
But inside,
she was also a boy who was concerned about the lie that
was Kikuko, and how it might change him. He felt that if Kikuko went
on much longer, there would only be Kikuko. That Ranma would become
the lie, or maybe just memory of what she had been. And she couldn't
be for Mako-chan what her heart wanted to be if... she became Kikuko
for real.
ZING! There's the rub, aye.
But her mom was being just like Pop used to be. Mrs. Saotome thought
she knew what needed to be done. Ranma looked away from the mirror
and down at her body. What had been so strange just a few weeks ago
had become normal. A whole year like this, and...
As she looked up at the mirror again, her resolve was crystal-clear
in the reflection. One of the Tendou girls, Nabiki, appeared behind
her. Ranma turned with such speed that the Tendou sister hoped
hopped
back.
"What are you doin' in here?" the redhead snarled at the taller
girl's invasion of her privacy.
"Gee... Uh... Kikuko, I thought about what I could do to help. Akane
and I wanted to invite you to spend some time with us. I think there
are some things," She
she
leaned in close to continue with a whisper,
"You
"you
might not want to talk about with your mom."
"Yeah, ya got that right!" Ranma answered. She looked thoughtful.
"Let's visit Mako-chan. I need to talk to her
her,
too!"
Nabiki smirked in response. "I really should charge for it, but I
figured you'd say that. Makoto invited all three of us to visit her
place to... uh... talk things over. You game?"
"Okay. Sounds like a good idea. I'll go!"
After bidding Kasumi goodbye, the three girls went to visit their
friend.
***
With her own house in capable hands, a woman on the sunny side of
middle age labored now to care for another dwelling. Slowly
exhaling, she celebrated finally reaching the last room. A decade
ago, 'their' would have described it, but now 'his' was all that
could be truthfully used. The other word had vanished into a painful
night ten years ago.
The bed was a bit of a mess, sheets and blankets in that confused
melange men inevitably seemed to leave in their wake upon waking. It
was a simple matter to restore the bedding to its proper position,
as nearly automatic motions did the work for her. A minute or two,
and it was done. Taught,
Taut,
perfect bedclothes, again ready to pass
inspection of the most discerning eye now covered the bed.
Suggest: ...perfect bedclothes now covered the bed, ready again to pass the
inspection of the most discerning eye.
She stepped back to look at her handiwork in its proper context, but
something was missing. Time for a bit of dusting to perfect the
picture. As she worked on a bureau, the woman noticed a framed
photograph that had fallen behind.
Suggest: behind it.
She reached for the picture,
wanting to restore it to its proper place.
As she pulled it from where it had been hidden, she could not
suppress a gasp as its contents were revealed. The scene preserved
must have been a couple of decades old, as the march of years had
muted the pigments slightly. A coating of dust further obscured the
image trapped beneath the glass. The four people pictured had
certainly changed, two were older and two were... absent. But the
memories summoned were undiminished; colors as bright as any she had
seen on the train and bus ride out to the city's fringe decorated
the image in her mind.
It had been so perfect back then. Idyllic was a word to describe it,
revealing human memory as imperfect as the photograph. One had lost
pigments to time; the other highlighted the good memories and dimmed
the bad.
It was so much simpler, then. Before the Master's sudden arrival,
and his equally abrupt disappearance. No child to complicate and
enrich her life. No lump of ice to chill her heart for a decade in
the wake of the child's departure. Before 'their' had recently
ceased to describe her own room, though he had been gone for those
same ten years.
As she pulled herself from recollection, she noticed the world had
begun to shimmer. The soft sound of a woman crying then entered her
perception. Realizing what she had done and was doing, she wiped her
face with the sleeve of her kimono. Her mask again in position, she
returned the frozen memory to its resting place. She would have to
freshen up before going downstairs.
It's not clear from the wording whether she placed it on the bureau or
returned it to its hiding place behind it.
>From the hallway, a man turned away from the open doorway of his
room. He had not dared touch the photo after it had fallen, years
ago. It was just too painful. He wondered, for a moment, if there
was any chance of completing the puzzle that was two shattered
families with the pieces that remained.
Ranma's marriage to one of his daughters would do just that. But was
there another way? It was something that he had never considered.
***
Boy, was he tired. Sundays were supposed to be a day to rest up from
all the stress of the week, but he'd taken the opportunity to spend
the afternoon with his girlfriend. They had gone all around the
district had a great time.
district *and* had a great time.
So feeling spent like he did now was well
worth it.
He was so weary;
weary,
he just collapsed on the bed. Sleep quickly after
that as fatigue from the day's activities claimed his consciousness
and awakened him to dreamtime.
Never had a dream felt so immediate or so real. As far as he could
see, and all around, were stars shining in a velvet backdrop. There
were so many of them, not the tiny sample of the few brightest that
survived the blaring lights of the city, but all the stars. The
Milky Way was aptly named, and could easily be seen as a cloudy band
of even more distant suns.
A woman's voice behind him caught his attention. Turning, he gasped
as he saw the Earth-Moon system as he had only imagined it. And the
voice seemed to be coming from Earth itself.
"Greetings, my son." The
son," the
woman seemed to say.
"Who are you? And where are you?" He
he
asked the unknown speaker.
"I am your mother, and the mother of all who roam my surface, my
son. I have searched for a noble heart and soul to assist my Knight
in his struggle against the Darkness."
"So, did you find the guy you were looking for?" He
he
asked.
Laughter somehow filled the void around him. The chuckles weren't
insulting or demeaning, but full of joy alone. "Of course, I found
you."
If you mean what I believe, I suggest: "Of course. I found you."
"M... me?" he asked after swallowing for a moment. A faint golden
glow emanated from the planet, bearing with it a flurry of tiny
particles that went from a gray cloud, to snowflakes, to silver
flower petals as they drew closer.
Then, the petals encircled him and the light filled him with warmth
he had never experienced before.
Suggest: ...with *a* warmth he had never experienced before.
Just as suddenly as he had been
engulfed, external feelings became internal. And he was changed,
inside and out.
***
The three Tendou sisters joined Ami, Haruka, Kikuko, Makoto, and
Naru at the Saotome home for morning practice. It seemed that
neither Usagi nor Minako could pull themselves out of bed, again, so
it was just the usual group. Still, such a collection of super-
powered schoolgirls was bound to attract trouble.
With a hum then a deafening crash, a lightning bolt impacted in the
center of the street. And in that moment, predawn darkness became
noontime for a few instants. As their vision returned, a blue bubble
expanded to become far larger than any they had previously seen.
Taking advantage of the sensory overload to transform in privacy,
eight Sailor Senshi stood ready to face their opponent.
"Wonder why there's only one this..." Sailor Io started to say, then
choked on the rest of her sentence. "Wow, that thing's HUGE!"
She continued after regaining her composure, "must
Suggest: ...composure. "Must
be
the size of four
of the others!" She excitedly continued.
Last sentence redundant. Suggest dropping it.
And it was just as the smallest Sailor Senshi described, sort of
like four of their previous, tentacle-wielding opponents welded
together.
Charon blinked a few moments as her friends became rainbow colored
with digital
with *a* digital
number on each brightly hued
brightly-hued
person. The readings
changed rapidly as her teammates scrambled to attack the creature.
A psychedelic Sailor Europa appeared suddenly before her sister.
"Nice shades, Charon!" She
she
shouted with an admiring smile before
turning and running to join the others.
As Europa ran off, the numbers attached to her increased. <Must be
range in meters,> Charon thought. <Now, how do I control this
thing?> Unbidden, a phrase popped into her head,
Suggest: ...into her head:
"Enhancement off".
She
"Enhancement off," she
whispered
whispered,
causing all of her teammates to regain their familiar
colors, but a bright red blotch in the center of the creature
disappeared too. "Enhancement on," was probably a better choice for
most combat situations.
Mercury studied Sailor Charon with a thoughtful smile. The girl was
wearing a pair of wrap-around mirrored sunglasses that became
transparent for a moment, then mirrored again. From a gold earpiece
on the Sailor's left side, a delicate silver wire extended to
provide voice pickup. <We'll have to compare notes later,> she
thought as her visor materialized.
<Now,> Charon thought, <if only I had an attack.> Suddenly, her face
brightened. Perhaps she had finally learned enough to advance her
skills.
A shout split the pre-dawn gray as a new Sailor Senshi leapt down
from a rooftop. She wore a dark blue skirt with a big green bow on
her chest, and two ribbons trailing behind. She hit the ground
running in her dark blue dress shoes.
"Ganymede!" Io and Jupiter gasped in unison.
Sailor Ganymede thought of her battle spatula and, like in her
dream, a version materialized in her hands. With a shout, she swung
at the monster, then dodged metallic shards as the weapon shattered
on the creature's tough hide.
LOL! Well, live and learn, I guess. ^_^
"Hope my fists are up to it, jerk!"
She
she
shouted as she assumed a wary stance.
"Who's she?" Callisto asked Io, who was jogging into battle to her
right side, with Europa on her left.
"That's Sailor Ganymede. Ma... Jupiter gave him a Henshin pen only a
few days ago, then he took off with it."
"HE?" Europa asked incredulously. "Uh, Io-chan, He's a girl, just
look!"
The trio of Senshi caught up to the girl, arraying themselves to
both sides of their new teammate.
"Sailor Ganymede?" Callisto asked.
"Duck!" Io shouted.
A moment later,
Suggest: A second later, (a moment seems too long)
all four girls hit the ground to avoid a tentacle.
"Yeah, what's it to you?" Ganymede asked as she sprung back to her
feet.
"I'm Sailor Callisto, and these two girls are Sailors Io and Europa.
We're the Senshi of Jupiter's Moons."
"That's really great
great,
Callisto-chan, but I think we need to do
something about this thooof..." Ganymede had the wind knocked out of
her as she went flying across the street, regaining control in time
to flip to a soft landing. "Hey, I'm not gonna let some monster try
to stiff me!" She
she
shouted as she ran up to the other three Senshi,
who had ducked and were taking their feet again.
...were taking *to* their feet again.
"So, Uranus-chan, another monster came to visit us. I think we
should teach it a lesson."
"Uh... yeah, Titan-san." With that, the tall blonde Senshi raised
her arms with a cry of "World Shaking!" and launched a ringed globe
of energy at the beast accompanied with a Flash Point attack from
Sailor Titan.
Both Senshi were heartened by a loud splat as the attacks hit. The
creature quivered for a moment, a hole yawning at the point of
impact.
"Oh, we did it! We should try again."
Suggest: We should try again!"
Titan enthused, feeling a few
years younger than her nineteen.
"Uh huh!" Uranus agreed as both Sailors prepared a new attack.
Mercury looked over at Charon, who was at the center of a cold,
black conflagration. The Neo Senshi had a terrifying smile on her
face as she pirouetted once, then raised both hands and shouted, "I
call upon the power of Charon to hasten your departure from this
plane. Let this be your... Death Knell!"
Hehehe. A little wordy, but this *is* BSSM. ^_^
Mercury sucked in a breath as... something... grew between Charon's
upraised hands. To the unearthly accompaniment of a banshee's
keening and the toll of an unseen chime, a pure black fireball
finally escaped the Senshi's grasp. The attack sped toward the
creature;
creature,
sucking light, heat, and life from the air as it passed.
After a black explosion, the beast's body again quivered, but could
not shake off a huge hole in its side.
Um, how do you shake off a hole? Suggest: ...but could not regenerate (?) from
the huge hole in its side.
Or maybe you meant: ...could not shake off the effects of a huge hole in its
side.
Europa had heard her sister shout, and then saw her attack. "Maybe
it was better when she couldn't do anything in battle," she
whispered with a shiver.
"Come on, Let's hit 'em again!"
"Come on! Let's hit 'em again!"
Callisto shouted as the four Senshi
combined their attacks producing a maelstrom of fire, water, and ice
that chewed up the monster even more. Creature bits showered the new
team with organic rain. And at that point, something began between
the four of them.
"Who put YOU in charge, Callisto?" Europa asked as she wound up for
a new attack.
"We're the Senshi of Jupiter's moons. I think we make a great team."
Callisto answered with confidence.
"Yeah!" Europa agreed as she tossed a "Pressure Wave!" in concert
with her teammates' Tempest Flare, Meteor Swarm, and Ice Storm.
"All right!" Io shouted as the sum of their four attacks rent a new
hole in the monstrosity.
"I dunno 'bout any of this stuff," Ganymede said as she ducked
another tentacle-swipe.
"Again! We've got it!" Callisto shouted. Her training had helped the
Neo Senshi a lot, but she was breathing heavily as she prepared to
support her teammates in another attack. Just after hitting it
again, she slipped in a pool of the creature's ichor. That was the
opening the horror needed to grab the orange-clad girl and begin to
crush the life out of the self-appointed leader of the group.
<Their destruction begins with this girl's death. She seems to be
the leader of this pack of Neo Senshi vermin. Her elimination will
make our victory even easier.> Another
easier,> another (although I suggest a 'distant sentience thought.' since
that seems to be what you're implying.
sentience thought.
Ganymede came to a decision as she shouted, "Callisto!" Maybe she
cared about the other girls after all.
A flash of silver announced a new arrival on a rooftop. It was a
young man dressed in black. Unlike Tuxedo Kamen, he was dressed in
the manner of a bygone era, more like an outlandish Spanish colonial
Don.
He should fit right in. ^_^
He wore a black vest with silver embroidery over a white shirt
with flowing sleeves. His tie was a silver bolo closed with a rose-
shaped clasp. A black cape with silver lining hung behind him. A
strip of silver cloth with two eyeholes that was tied behind his
head guarded his identity. Closely tailored black pants and boots
and a black, flat, wide brimmed
wide-brimmed
hat decorated with a silver cord
completed a picture.
The dashing young man glanced at the small card that held a flowery
speech, then tossed it aside
Oh, no! A team member with some sense! ARGH! The Negaverse is DOOMED! (Beryl
takes a gun and shoots herself. Unfortunately, it did no damage.) ARGH!! :P
with a shout of, "Callisto!" echoing
Ganymede's cry. He then hurled a silver rose at the arm's base. With
an explosion of silver flower petals, the tentacle broke loose,
dropping Callisto.
"Gotcha, Callisto-chan!" Io said as she positioned herself to catch
the plummeting Senshi. The redhead became red-faced as she set the
taller girl down.
"Thanks, Io-chan!" Callisto said as she hopped out of the smaller
girl's arms.
"Awww... It wasn't nothin'." Io
nothin'," Io
said, and then looked down to draw
an imaginary pattern on the street with a green-clad toe.
But Callisto's attention was elsewhere, as her eyes locked on those
of her heroic savior. She could feel the warmth of a furious flush
on her face, and even more heat between the two of them.
"Thank you, kind sir!" She
she
shouted as she gave a slight bow, then
looked up to lock her eyes anew her benefactor.
...eyes anew *with* her benefactor.
She was in Heaven
for a few moments, and then abruptly plunged into Hell.
Suddenly, she ripped her eyes away, and buried her face in her
white-gloved hands. "Umino!" Callisto... Naru... whispered. And her
love for her classmate clashed with her gratitude and admiration for
this handsome new man... as her heart was torn in two. "Umino..."
She whispered again.
I can see this one coming from a mile away. ^_^
"Guys! We're in the middle of a battle!" Sailor Charon shouted, as
she studied the creature's wound. Her analysis paid off as she
spotted a weakness. Excited by her discovery, she whipped her entire
body around to look up at the new arrival. "Hey, Rose-boy!" The Neo
Senshi shouted, "How about throwing a few of those posies in the cut
just below that busted tentacle?"
The Silver Rose tossed a single flower at the indicated spot. It had
multiplied sixteen fold by the time it impacted on the creature. A
silver flash announced sixteen direct hits.
Horribly weakened by the other attacks, the monstrosity began to
disintegrate. With a resounding splat that echoed down the street,
the monster collapsed into the predictable pile of sludge. "Next
time you need me I shall be there again, Sailor Callisto," He
he
said
with eyes locked on distraught
on *the* distraught
Sailor Senshi. With a wave, he turned
and was gone in a flurry of silver.
in a flurry of silver petals(?).
"Wow, he's dreamy," Jupiter whispered, caught up in the romance left
in the mysterious stranger's wake of silver petals.
Oh. Well, now it's redundant. Suggest keeping the petals and dropping one
instance of the description.
"Yes, he sure is."
is,"
Mercury answered.
Callisto, who had been struck dumb, finally whispered another
trembling, "Umino. Oh, no. I... I'm so sorry." Tears fell as she
considered the plight her sundered heart had put her in.
"Girls..." Io said at last as she shook her head back and forth in
puzzlement. Her actions provoked a sad chuckle from Uranus, a
questioning expression from Callisto, and an embarrassed blush from
Jupiter.
Io stopped shaking her head, as concern announced itself on her
wrinkled brow. That guy fought the monster and he was still a guy...
His outfit was even goofier than hers was, but he was still a guy.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to let her emotions show. But a
tear squeezed from each corner of her tightly closed eyes betrayed
her.
Jupiter, her face still flushed, directed a question to her friend.
"Io-chan, what's wrong?"
The small sailor's eyes snapped open; they were just a little red.
Pent up tears fell as she spoke. "H... He's a GUY, but he still gets
a magical attack? It just ain't fair."
Jupiter enfolded the small girl in a hug, her flush becoming
evermore pronounced by the second. "Io-chan. I don't care what you
look like, you're still a darn good fighter." She let go to take a
couple of steps back to appraise the other girl. "'Sides, Sailor Io
needs to be a great martial artist, and you're the best I've ever
seen."
Io's chest swelled a bit at the compliment, her tears forgotten.
"Yeah, I guess you're right." Finally she smiled, just a little,
little.
"Thanks, Jupiter."
Callisto scratched her head; Kikuko was sure a strange girl. Could
her aversion to the new warrior be because he was a guy? "Whatever,"
she whispered as she shook her head.
Charon just stared at the somewhat bizarre scene, which was soon
disturbed by the distant wail of sirens. "Let's get inside!" She
she
shouted as she ran to the side of the building, followed by the
other girls.
Ganymede leapt to the roofline and ran off. Still a bit dazed, the
remaining girls filed quietly into the Saotome home.
Having seen a later chapter, it was nice to get some of the interim material
that I hadn't read. Things move apace. I look forward to chapter 10. Good job,
Kev.
Ja!
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html