Some general comments - as always, just my opinions here:
Overall, a very nicely done fic, Roeder-san. Straight from the
start the reader
can see where it's headed (to a Ranma-Ryoga matchup) and it flows
quite nicely to
that intended end. Congrats on pulling that off. :)
Heh. Believe me when I say that when the idea for this fic came to me, I
back-pedalled just a tad before firming my courage (or foolishness) and
leaping off the precipice. ^_-
But (oh, yes, I'm sure you could see that 'but' coming a mile away)
I'd just like
to point out that having the curse influencing Ranma into feminity
feels very much
a cop-out to me. I don't mean its badly done - in fact, I think
you've thought
through the whole issue rather well - I just feel it would have had
greater impact
if it had been Ranma who had changed over the years and needed a
'companion' in
his own right.
Hmmm, oddly enough, I thought that what you are saying isn't there was implied
by the fact that Ranma was doing okay when Akane was alive, but after she
died, his female half started exerting more control over his emotions, etc.
Ranma, of course, blames the curse, but he's indirectly communicated through
his descriptions that it's having a woman's body at will (or not at will)
that's pushing him. Ranma hardly ever vocalizes it that way; it's always "This
damn curse!" or what-have-you.
True, it could be that Ranma is attributing the changes to the
curse rather than
be willing to accept the truth, I don't see that in the story, so
I'll assume this
isn't so. Even if he does do that, you can show readers in the
story that this
isn't the case.
I'll admit I didn't have Ranma admitting by purely his own reasoning that it's
the fact that he can turn into a woman that's causing him difficulties, not
the curse... But then, do you see the semantic problems there? Where does the
curse end and the female body begin? I think you're asking Ranma to be more
subtle than he typically is in his thinking. I honestly can't think of an
instance in "Cast" where the 'magic' of the curse is driving his thoughts -
it's the female body.
As far as the cop-out argument goes... ^_^ The funny thing here is that I
never conceived of the magic of the curse influencing Ranma in this fic; it's
the fact that he has a woman's body, a body which isn't getting any sex at its
sexual peak and is feeling the time going by. Because of Kasumi, Ranma
explicitly states that at the family meeting.
I guess I don't understand what's fueling that opinion, Phil. Gomen.
Oops! Japanese, again. Shimatta... :P
Being both a mother and father to the girls would likely have a
great impact on
Ranma, so it isn't inconcievable that he'd react in the manner
described in the
story and become a bit more half-and-half over the years.
*nods*
Ranma-Ryoga have always
had a weird love-hate relationship in the manga (IMO ^_^),
Agreed.
which I
suppose is why
people enjoy putting out yaoi stories for them. Sorta like Akane
calling Shampoo
cute when she first shows up (perhaps I read too much into that one
statement?).
Depends on the fic *you*'re thinking of writing... :P
That brings me to the girls - I think their presence is probably
just about right,
the background history in action, so to speak.
Thanks.
You might want to
consider (as Gary
has already mentioned) making the family a little less lovey-dovey
and a bit more
conflict inclined. This is Ranma, after all - I can't see things
happening quite
so perfectly for him.
Well, Ranko is punchy, but I'll see what I can do.
Gratuitious use of Japanese - I won't say too much about this
(being a frequent
offender myself ^_^), save to mention a favourite author of mine:
Steven Gould. If
you've glanced at his latest novel, Blind Waves, you'll understand
why I point him
out: gratuitious use of Spanish in conversation (at least I think
it's Spanish).
It made such a big difference on my enjoyment of the book, making
me feel I'd lost
most of the jokes in noncomprehension, that I'm rethinking my
stance on usage of
Japanese in fanfic.
Despite what others may say :), I have toned it down *some*. I've had this
discussion with all kinds of people who read fanfic, and I get just about as
many opinions on it. Granted, there's a lot that can be said without resorting
to it, but there are times when just nothing else satisfies *me*. A case in
point is where Ranma says good morning to Himiko, and she responds, "Ohayou,
Otousama." The 'ohayou', by itself, is unnecessary. The 'otousama', however,
carries a certain weight in my mind and a certain meaning given the context
that just can't be conveyed adequately with an English equivalent: "Good
morning, extremely-honored father"?? Bleah. Once the 'otousama' is in, there's
no point in splitting the difference.
Oh, and a very nice finish to leave it open-ended rather than providing a
conclusive ending.
Thanks. That's gotten mixed opinions, too. ^_-
That's about it from me, except that I think 'Ba-a-ka' sounds
perfectly fine (with
apologies to MacDougall-san for countering his objection) to me.
Heh. Can you guess from whom I stole that practice? ^_^
Phil-san.
(Still using too much Japanese ^_^)
- Dave-baka, in good company. ^_^
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html