"D.F. Roeder" <dfroeder@flash.net> wrote:
BTW, just how identical are these girls? Are we talking carbon copies of
each other, or just overall general similarity? It'd be nice to have
some idea of the differences between them if the latter is the case --
and even if the former, there should be personality and mannerism
differences. Something other than just their names to differentiate
them.
My thought is that each twin is identical to each other, while either pair is
extremely close to the other. I'll review the clarity of that. As for
differentiating them, I rather thought they expressed their personalities
fairly well throughout. Atsuko and Ranko are the martial artists, with Ranko
adopting much of Ranma's mannerisms. Kimiko is nominally 'Kasumi'. Nodoka is
kind of the odd one out, but she gets her own, ah, point of distinction.
Atsuko calls Ranma 'Papa-san', Ranko is volatile, Kimiko is demur, and Nodoka
is largely the wallflower, unfortunately, but the story digs her out of that.
Do you still feel there needs to be more? I fear it may weigh the story down
too much.
I think if you do a better job of bringing some of these things out, it'll be
mostly okay. Like making sure that the reader knows that Ranko is the one who's
eager to spar with Ryoga; meanwhile Kimiko could smile and offer Ryoga some tea,
while Noddy Jr. just stands in the back as if she doesn't want to be noticed.
Just a little bit of that shouldn't slow down your story too much. Maybe Atsy
could use a distinctive personality trait of her own -- preferably something not
too derivative of one of her relatives, as this sort of thing tends to wear thin
if you overuse it.
Anyone we know? And why isn't she getting custody of Himiko? With Daddy
throwing her out, it would seem logical.
I don't think the mother can while still married to the clan head since the
clan head has disowned the daughter. Maybe after the divorce is final, but
that's still two months off, and Himiko *is* living with her lover. In the
interim, Himiko is without a family name - big problem, even for a short
amount of time.
Okay, but then I'd think there ought to be at least some mention of the adoption
being (possibly) only temporary. Of course, the simpler thing to do would be to
eliminate the divorce and just say that both Mom and Dad threw Himiko out.
Thanks for the public C&C, Gary! I'm glad you liked it. BTW, how's Jeannie? :)
I Dream of Ranma is on hold right now so I can work on Hearts and Minds. HaM is
also on hold right now due to real life and general laziness :) but I'll get
back to it soon. I'm open to people writing guest episodes of IDoR; if anyone
out there has read the series and is interested, Email me with your story
idea(s). (And for those who haven't yet read it, it's at
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html#genie.)
Gary