On Wed, 7 Jun 2000, LaShawn Wanak wrote:
A humble home for a strong heart
Chapter One
companions into buildings or any kind of shelter. Those who didn't frowned
irritably as another scantily-clad female pushed past them, a determined
look on
her face as she shouted, for no reason at all, "Juicy-fruit!! Juicy-fruit!!"
line length problem
Another girl, with raven-black hair, said, "But now it's going to drain all
these people of their energy. What do we do now?"
I think Rei would do something instead of asking what to do. Usagi would
be more likely to say something like this.
A bolt of lightning streaked from the perfectly clear sky. More people
began to
discreetly remove themselves.
line length
The three other girls sprang after her except the last one, the other girl who
wore her hair in the incongruous style of pigtails streaming down from two
round
puffs, like meatballs. Throughout the entire exchange, she had not said a
word,
line length
mesmerized by a display of colorful manga in the large window of a bookstore.
She pressed her face against the window and squealed. "Ooo! The new
Rayearth is
out!!! Oh, I must get that, I must, I must, I must!!!"
line length
Panting, Lita swerved to attempt closing the space between her and the
monster.
Since becoming Sailor Jupiter, all she ever gotten was exercise, yet still
she felt horribly out of shape when she fought for long periods of
time. Perhaps her body was repaying her for the sumptuous meal she fed it the
other night. It wasn't her fault no one was around to help her eat it. It
wasn't her fault she always made too much food. She exhaled sadly as she
leapt a
bench too soon for her standards. It was time to go on yet another diet.
Line lengths
Also, I'd suggest saving civilian names for when they're in civilian mode,
and use sailor names when they're suited up.
"GUYS!!!!" This time, Lita was accompanied by the exasperated Venus and
Mercury.
Use of civilian name here and superhero names for the other two looks
strange, given Jupiter is still in sailor mode herself.
"Lita?" A hand touched her shoulder, and she looked up to see Mercury's
concerned
face. "Are you okay?"
line length
Mercury frowned and was about to reply when a high voice grated above them.
"So, the
sailor-suited bimbos think they win again!"
line length
All turned to glare at the two newcomers, floating in the air casually as
though
they had been doing so all their lives. Their oddness clashed with their
surroundings, from their pastel skin to the pointed, elfin-like ears. The
male grinned,
showing small pointed, fangs, then looked at his companion. "So, Ann, what do
you think we should do with these girls?"
line lengths.
Ann smiled, looking strikingly feral. "I think we should teach these girls
that
it isn't nice to ruin our creations. Don't you agree, Alan?"
line length
Sailor Moon looked up, dazed. To her horror, she saw that Jupiter's skirt
was on
fire, flames licking up its back. Jupiter was too enraged to notice.
line length.
Serena scooped up the pail and could have cried with relief. Yes, it was filled
with water...there were even a few goldfish swimming about, lost in their fishy
thoughts....
Why do you call her Serena here and Sailor Moon above?
Her rage thrashed inside her, threatening to break loose. Why must this always
happen to her when she managed to feel good for a while? Well, she'll teach
them
a lesson...she'll mess up more than their creations! The air literally
hummed with
her wrath.
line lengths
Raye groaned, clutching her head. She and the other scouts were sprawled
across
the wall of a building. How did they wind up there? And where was--
Awareness caused her to sit erect. "What--what happened?"
"Owww...." moaned Serena. "My head."
Amy shifted to her knees. "That was...some explosion! Was that from the
aliens..."
Mina frowned. "No..."
Have they detransformed here? Or still in sailor mode?
I liked the bubblegum cardian.
John Biles
Emperor of all He Surveys
http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
"Snap out of it, Misty. Only one of us can hallucinate at a time."
"Don't worry, Brock. There's lots of other girls who can reject you too."
--Ash Ketchum, Pokemon