Leif Johnson wrote:
It's been done, it's old,
and it's annoying, because it looks exactly like a (*very*) thinly-veiled
self-insert... and a munchkin one, at that.
Munchkin?
"Munchkin" is RPG-speak for any gamer who insists on having his character
be disproportionately more powerful than the other player characters.
He can fly.
So can Herb. Did anyone complain to Takahashi about that?
There is a world of difference between the overpowering villain of the
story, and the character who is there just to be better than all the
regulars. Herb was more powerful to make him a scary opponent and to
raise the question of how on Earth is Our Hero going to win against
such odds. What is the purpose of your character's superior power?
Issue 3:
Plot. As in, lack thereof (so far). I can see lots of potential
here, but so far, you've not shown me anything that has me interested.
Why
is Kijo here? What's the purpose of this character? What new insanity is
his presence going to stir up? WHAT'S GOING ON?!?
Think about the original. Ranma shows up, he's Akane's fiancee, he turns
into a girl, Kuno hates him.... Notice his past and his adventures show up a
little while later.
Nope. The central conflict/plot is immediately introduced. Ranma and Akane are
engaged by their fathers, but are both rebellious teenagers and both have
serious problems with each other that are obstacles to them getting together.
That's the plot. That's what the series is about and it's brought up front
right in the first part. What is your story about?