Ranma (Ranma 1/2) belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Celine Jules (Star Ocean: The
Second Story) belongs to Enix. Tenchi, Mihoshi, and Washu (Tenchi Muyo!)
belong to Pioneer. Yasuko is mine until otherwise proven. ^_^
Last time:
Washu, Tenchi Masaki, Ranma Saotome, and Celine Jules were all invited by the
Rainman to a fanfic reading room. However, disaster struck when Mihoshi
tagged along, and inadvertantly ruined their chances of going home. Ranma
freaks out and Washu had turned him into a kappa. Unwittingly, she also
split him and the curse, who insists on calling herself Yasuko, into two
uncursed indivisuals. Washu set out to work on getting them home, while
Tenchi, Ranma, Celine, Yasuko, and Mihoshi reviewed the fanfic "Tocatta and
Fugue." After the end of the fic, Washu had bad news: the Muse of the
Rainman was purposely stopping her attempts to find a way home, and he was
making them stay and review fanfics until he decided to release them. To
ensure they did so, he placed the reading room inside a pocket dimension.
And now, the story continues...
Somewhere inside of a pocket dimension:
"Whaddaya mean we're trapped in a pocket dimension?!" Ranma shouted.
"Exactly that. The Muse is, in effect, forcing us to stay here and review
fanfics it sends us."
"Washu-chan, isn't there some way to counter that?" Tenchi asked.
"At this moment, I'm afraid not. I would need some time to come up with
something, and I can't access my lab."
"So we won't make it home in time to see Moldiver?"
"No, Mihoshi! We're stuck here until he lets us out!! Got it?!"
"Oh...sorry..." She sniffed. "You didn't have to yell at me..."
Techi patted her shoulder. "She's just stressed out, that's all." He turned
to face Washu. "But what do we do about eating, bathing, and other things?"
"As I said before, right below us is another level that has sleeping
arrangements. If what the Muse said is right, there probably is a kitchen
somewhere close by as well."
"Must be a _big_ kitchen," Yasuko joked. "Ranma eats enough for an army."
"Hey!"
"Not to mention so does Mihoshi," Washu added. "...as well as you, if I'm
not mistaken."
Yasuko laughed nervously. "D-Don't be silly..."
"Right..." Washu then typed in some commands on her translucent keyboard.
"Well, then...huh?" She blinked at the readout on the scene before her.
Brows furrowed, she began to type furiously.
"Hey, anybody seen Celine around?" Ranma asked.
"Ooo...already falling for another girl?" Yasuko inquired playfully, do her
best cute, doe-eyed impersonation.
He stammered. "N-N-No! Don't be silly!"
She sniffed as if mourning. "Oh, how cruel the fates be to bring together
such a perfect couple, only to tear them apart with the wiles of another
woman..."
"It's not like that at all!"
"How unfaithful of you...but I forgive you." Quicker than a sneeze, Yasuko
was pressed very snugly against the pigtail martial artist. "Kiss me, and
all shall be right..."
"WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT ALREADY?!"
She fell back on the floor laughing. "You're so easy to tease...and you're
blushing, too!!"
"I am not!!"
"Then why won't you look at me, hmm...?"
Ranma grumbled.
"Darlings, come here, and quickly!"
"That's Celine!" Mihoshi cried out happily.
"Is she in trouble?" the pigtailed girl asked, flipping to her feet.
"Doesn't sound like it," Tenchi responded. "Still, we better be ready for
anything."
The two martial artists nodded as one as well as Mihoshi. Washu was busy
plinking away at her keyboard. "Go on, I'll be fine right here; I'm looking
into something," she said, waving them off. "Just be careful."
"Okay, Washu-chan." Tenchi gave her a nod, and the small band rushed off in
the direction of Celine's voice.
They hadn't made it very far when they came upon an open door with a flight
of stairs leading down. Standing at the base of it was the platinum-haired
mage adjusting her pointy violet and gold hat with one hand. The other hand
held something small and black against her bosom."What is it, Celine?" Tenchi
asked.
She looked up, smiling. "Well, I found the sleeping quarters as well as a
bath area."
Everyone else relaxed. "Well, it seems the Muse is on the up and up," Yasuko
commented.
"Also, I found this." She held up her hands, revealing a black and yellow
lump.
Mihoshi edged her way closer. "What is it?"
The lump moved, opening its eyes. BWEE
"Oh, how cute!" Mihoshio cried out. "A piglet! Can I hold him?"
"A piglet?" Ranma said in disbelief. He gave it a critical eye as Mihoshi
joyously squeezed the little black piglet to her own bosom. He gasped after
a moment. "Ryouga?! What are you doing here?!"
"Ryouga?" Yasuko echoed.
"Who's Ryouga?" Celine asked. Mihoshi stopped bouncing and tipped her head
in inquiry.
"He's a guy back home who has a lousy sense of direction. Also he gots a
Jusenkyou curse like I did."
"Oh? What's his curse like?" Mihoshi asked.
Yasuko and Ranma blinked in eerie syncronization. "She can't be that
dense..." they muttered under their breaths.
"You'd be surprised at times," Washu said, coming down the stairs. She
spared a glance to the unconscious pig in the blonde's hands. "So, you're
the one that cause that minor temporal disturbance a second ago..."
"Um, Washu, you got some hot water?" Ranma asked.
"What do you think I am, a faucet?" she said flatly.
"Here." Yasuko handed Ranma a steaming kettle.
"Thanks." He paused. "Where'd you get a steaming kettle from?"
"Anime trick."
"Oh..." He turned to Mihoshi who was trying bring the piglet back into
consciousness. "Can I see him for a sec?"
"Okay...but..."
"Don't worry bout that; he does it all the time. This'll wake 'im."
"All right..." Reluctantly, she handed over the pig to Ranma. He set it on
the floor, then upended the kettle without preamble on the black piglet. It
changed into a boy, startling everyone but Ranma, Yasuko, and Washu, the
latter which was busy recording the information down for later analysis.
"Ranma! How dare you embarrass me in front of these ladies?!" Ryouga fumed
as he tightened the knots on two of his bandannas around his waist like a
loincloth. "Dammit, where are my clothes?"
Tenchi had recovered from his shock, and started to ask Celine where she had
found the pig at. The mage, however, was glowering darkly. "Uh, Celine?"
Tenchi backed away from her, recognizing that look in her eye; he had seen it
in Ryouko's and Ayeka's often enough. Everyone else, save Ryouga,
instinctively backed away as well.
The lost boy looked up at Celine, and immediately panicked. "N-N-Now hold on
a sec-!!"
"EXPLODE!!" Several volcanic explosions smashed into Ryouga, pasting his
charred body into the nearest wall.
Tenchi winced. "That's gotta hurt."
"Nah," Ranma said, waving a hand. "He'll be fine. He could survive having a
mountain dropped on his head."
"METEO-"
Washu snapped a hand over Celine's mouth. "Let's not push the envelope just
yet. He's going to be my newest guinea pig so we can get out of here."
* * * * *
After a long soak in the newly discovered bath (as well as a few bandages and
a set of clothes for Ryouga), the small band went upstairs.
"So, Ryouga, how did you come here?" Washu asked.
"Well, I was on my way to Akari's house..."
"Got lost again?"
"Shut up, Ranma!"
"I'm Yasuko; he's Ranma."
"Oh...sorry..."
"It's okay. Back to how you got here-"
"Fanfic convention. Gets lost in Hokkaido, ends up in Germany in half an
hour."
"Oh. That's a pretty strange explantion."
"That wasn't me."
Yasuko blinked. "It wasn't."
"Nope," Washu stated, growling a bit. "That was our 'benefactor' speaking."
"Correct." An image of the Muse flickered to life before the group.
Everyone tensed, ready for battle. "Relax all; I am just here to deliver a
fanfic for you to review. I think you will find Ryouga to be quite useful
with this one. That is all." The image flickered back out.
"That Muse gives me the creeps," Mihoshi said, shivering briefly.
"Well, that's something we have little control over." Washu sighed. "I'll
be downstairs installing a new lab."
"Do you think that will be safe, Washu-chan?" Tenchi asked.
"I believe so. The Muse is keeping us clamped down inside; however, I
believe that I can make a new dimensional lab within here. That won't be
going against the Muse's 'request.' It's worth a shot at least."
"All right, then. We'll be here reviewing this fanfic if you need us."
"Good. And someone keep up with Ryouga; he's my new guinea pig."
"Hey! I'm not anyone's guinea pig!!"
In the blink of an eye, Washu grew into her adult form and approached Ryouga
whose eyes were popping out of his head. "You're so cute and adorable, won't
you help us out with your unique genetic inheritence, please?" Adding more
incentive, she slowly stroked his cheek, inching her face closely to his.
"I'd be eternally grateful if you did...."
Ranma started to warn Washu. "I wouldn't--"
Ryouga passed out, spraying a mist of blood from his nose all over Washu's
face. "Eww! He would have to be a shy guy..."
Tenchi sweatdropped. "Well, without further ado, here's the fanfic. Ranma,
get him."
In a message dated 6/7/00 0:04:22 AM EST, skywarp@cephiro.com writes:
W*ING Higley Presents:
Ranma 1/2: Tap Out!
Mihoshi: So this is about tapdancing?
Ranma: Er, no.
[Historian's Note: This story diverges from the anime continuity after
the
episode where Ryoga is possessed by the phantom cat, and Akane finds out
that
Ryoga cares for her.]
Yasuko: Okay. Good noting.
"Happy Birthday, Ryoga!!!"
Ryouga: [sits up] Huh? My birthday isn't for another three months....wait a
sec, this isn't Tokyo.
Ranma: Congratulations, directionally challenged person. You have hit the
jackpot.
Ryouga: Shut up, Ranma!
The eternally-lost boy stared in surprise at the Tendo Dojo, everyone was
there. In the middle of the room was a large birthday cake.
Ranma: We would have gotten candles, but they seem to have wandered off.
Ryouga: [annoyed] Ranma...
"Wha...?"
Akane smiled. "One of Nabiki's spys found out that today was your
birthday,
Ranma: Nabiki being this kind? I'd sooner expect her to give money to the
local charity than to care about your birthday.
Ryouga: You do have a point.
so we sent that challenge letter you're holding as a way to lure you here
on
time."
"But the challenge was for four days ago..."
"Exactly, we figured it would take you that long to find the Dojo."
Ryouga: Ha ha. Sure, make fun of my introduction story why don't you?
"Oh."
*****
And so it went, the party was your typically raucous Nerima Wrecking Crew
event, with a dozen fights breaking out among the various partygoers.
Yasuko: They're not that bad. Most of the time, they can get along pretty
well, barring Ranma sits there bound and gagged.
Ranma: Hey!
What
was odd, many noted later, was the fact that Ryoga and Akane stayed as far
away from each other as possible.
Ryouga: Um, why would I do that?
This was the first time Ryoga had been back in Nerima since the phantom
cat
had possessed him and Akane had found out that Ryoga loved her.
Ryouga: Oh...
As it was,
Ranma kept himself between the two of them, feeling very possessive of
Akane
tonight.
Ranma: Now why the hell would I do that for? At most, I'd just toss out a
few insults, and let things go as they normally go.
Then it was time to open the presents.....
*****
Ryoga stared at the wristband in confusion.
"It gift from Shampoo and Great-grandmother." Shampoo smiled. It is
ancient Amazon artifact."
Celine: Missing a quotation mark before It is.
Tenchi: Also, there's a speech inconsistancy. If she's going to speak in
stereotypical japanese, then she would say "It ancient Amazon artifact."
Ryoga was still dumbstruck.
Ranma: That's nothing new. Ryouga was always dumb as far as anime goes;
Ryouga is average in manga.
Ryouga: ...is that a backhand compliment?
"Uh, thanks, I guess."
"It is magical item. Person who wears it is given excellent sense of
direction."
Mihoshi: Pretty convienient,
Tenchi: Speech inconsistency again.
Ryoga stared at Shampoo.
Celine: Pervert.
Ryouga: That wasn't my fault!
"You mean....."
Ranma spoke up, "Try it on, Pig-Boy!"
Ryoga glared, but slipped it on anyways.
Instantaneously, Ryoga's world changed. Left became right, up became
down,
North became South. Ryoga's screwed up sense of direction balanced out.
It
was everything he ever wanted.
Ryouga: [blink] Um, maybe we could just drop all of that stuff and make it
pretty simple.
Mihoshi: Something like, "Instantly, Ryoga's world changed. His terrible
sense of direction straighted itself out. Everything he ever wanted was
granted at that moment."
Tears of joy formed in his eyes.
"Excuse me, everyone." He got up and started to walk towards the back of
the Dojo. (God, he actually knew where the back of the Dojo finally was!)
"I just need a minute alone."
Mihoshi: [sniffing] That's so beautiful...
Ryouga: Uh, I wouldn't do all that.
Tenchi: What would you do if your sense of direction was fixed?
Ryouga: I don't know...it wouldn't be that, I'm pretty sure.
*****
Ryoga had lost track of time as he sat by the koi pond, adjusting to these
new senses, and reflecting on his life. He was 18 now, and hadn't done
much
with his life, aside from hunt Ranma across the seven continents.
Ryouga: That not true! I've met Akari, fought against Lime and Herb and
Saffron-
Celine: Take advantage of women in pig form.
Ryouga: -take advantage of-Hey!
Ranma: Relax, this is based on anime Ryouga, and he ain't done all that.
Ryouga: ...
Was it really worth it?
No, he concluded.
Then why did he do it?
Mihoshi: It was the writer's fault.
Because he loved Akane, he realized.
Ryouga: [blink] He just realized that? God, is he ever pathetic.
Ranma: I couldn't agree more.
Ryouga: Yep. [pause] HEY!!
Not that that meant anything. It was
never like he'd get enough guts to actually admit to her how he felt, or
ask
her out, even.
Ryouga: Um, yeah, I did.
And then there was the problem that Akane didn't know he was P-Chan, she
would probably kill him if she ever found out.
Celine: I know the feeling...
Ryouga: [sigh] Will you ever let that go? It was an accident...
Yep, life pretty much sucked for Ryoga Hibiki.
"Feeling alright, P-Chan?" Akane asked.
"Yeah, I....." Ryoga realized who had asked the question. "A..Akane...?"
[Ryouga chokes on air.]
Yasuko: Down P-Chan. It's only a fanfic.
Akane sat down next to him and smiled tenderly. "Surprised that I knew?"
Ryouga: Well, not really; you had god knows how many clues given to you. I
was beginning to think you were brain dead, or something.
Ranma: [blinks] What did you say?
Ryouga: [shrugs] Well, after getting over her, it's a lot easier to make
thses kinds of observations.
[Ranma blinks again.]
Ryouga: Okay, so I just wanted to piss off an Akanenite because some of them
don't like Ryouga/Akane pair ups. Better?
Ranma: Oh...well, that makes sense, kind of.
"Yeah, I...I mean...." Ryoga bowed down and started groveling. "Gomen
nasai, Tendo-san. Please let my death be quick. I am unworthy of my life.
I have dishonored
you..."
Tenchi: Eww...word wrap didn't work as well as someone thought.
Ryouga: Man, what a loser...
Yasuko: Tell me about it; Genma has more dignity when he grovels.
Akane chuckled slightly and placed her hand on his cheek.
"It's alright, Ryoga."
Ranma: What is this, Akane the Saint?
Yasuko: Another one? Oh, man...
"Nani?!??!"
Mihoshi: Wow...I guess the universal translator messed up here.
Tenchi: All of that English, then we're tossing in japanese. What's wrong
with "Huh?!"
Ranma: "Nani" with all those marks behind it. It looks stupid.
"I knew a long time ago. I just, it's difficult to explain." Akane
blushed.
Ryouga: Try me.
"When I first met you, I thought you were a pretty attractive guy. And
you
were so noble, never hitting on me or trying to take advantage of me.'
Ranma: BWAH HAHAHA!! He tried to _KILL_ me in his intro story and ended up
chopping her hair off!
Ryouga: ....
"But..."
"I didn't realize at first that you were P-Chan, but it didn't take long.
Celine: Q and A. How did she discover he was P-Chan?
Ranma: Brain transplant most likely.
By that time, I'd come to realize you were a great friend."
Yasuko: Not that great a friend. She did you use you a couple of times in
the series, mainly to make Ranma jealous.
Ranma: I don't get jealous.
Yasuko: So, you don't mind if Shinnosuke takes Akane out while we get
married, ne?
Ranma: [pig tail stands on end] Wh-Wh-WHAT?!
Ryouga: I think she likes you, Ranma.
Ranma: You stay out of this!
Ryoga winced when she called him friend.
Tenchi: Oh, the friend thing again...
Celine: What's wrong with being friends with a girl you like?
Tenchi: Er...well, it's like a zone you can't leave once you walk into it.
Mihoshi: Oh? [ponders] Well, that's one way you can stop Ayeka and Ryouko
from fighting. Call them friends!
Tenchi: [sweatdrops] You gotta be kidding...I'm too young to die.
"You were always willing to listen to me, and my problems, whether you
were
human or pig. And then, after the phantom cat, I found out you loved me."
Ryouga: [blinks] Uh...excuse me...
Mihoshi: It's only a fanfic.
'Uh...I...Akane...." This was not happening, Ryoga thought. Akane knew
that he loved her, knew that he was P-Chan, and wasn't trying to kill him.
Ryouga: [shaking his headclear] Yep, it's a fanfic.
"How come you never told me, or asked me out?" Akane smiled coyly.
"Well," Ryoga began scratching his head in that embarrassed fashion that
Akane found so cute.
Ranma: [coughs into his hand] Buhsht! Buhsht!
Yasuko: You know, I always thought Akane was kind of put off by Ryouga
massive strength. After crushing that stone telephone pole, she made a
comment-
Ryouga: [bored quoting] "Whoever he married has to be made of sturdier stuff
than I" or something like that. Yeah, I know. Just rub the salt into my
wounds, why dontcha?
"You see, I thought you loved Ranma."
Ryouga: If I thought that, I wouldn't have been so in love with her.
Ranma: Plus you wouldn't have tried to murder me to win her over.
Ryouga: That, too.
"I don't love Ranma.
Ranma: [blinks] Huh?
He's so mean to me, I don't think I could ever love
him."
Ranma: [makes a face] Wha..?
Ryoga continued. "Plus the fact that the two of you are engaged."
"So, I turn 18 soon. Once I do, I can cancel the engagement."
Ranma: [sweatdrops] Again?
"But, your family honor."
"Honor's a pretty complicated thing Ryoga, you know that. Some people
think
I can cancel the engagement, others don't. What do you think?"
Ryouga: I think...I'm in the Twilight Zone.
All: Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do! Do-do!
"I...I think it would be more dishonorable to be forced into a loveless
marriage, than to break a loveless engagement."
Yasuko: Boy, Ranma, she's really laying down the Law on you, isn't she?
Ranma: I-It's only a fanfic.
Celine: Darling, you don't look so well. Are you going to be all right?
Ryouga: Darling? [snorts] Boy, Ranma, you just couldn't wait to lure more
girls into your sinister trap, could you?
Ranma: Shut up, Pig-Boy!
Ryouga: Make me!
Celine: [annoyed] Do I have to cast Explosion on you again?
Ryouga: [shies away] Uh, no, once was quite enough.
"Good. So anyways, how come you never asked me out?"
Ryuga: Um...I did, you know...
A voice from behind interrupted them. "I can answer that one, because I'd
kill him if he did."
Ranma and Ryouga: [blink] Who said that?
"Ranma!!!!" Akane turned in shock.
Ranma: Huh?!
Ranma grabbed Ryoga by his shirt and hoisted him off the ground.
Ryouga: Now wait just a cotton-picking minute here--!
"Get this straight, pig-boy. I don't care if Akane does like you, or love
you, or whatever. She's MY FIANCÉE! AND NOT YOU OR ANYONE IS GONNA ASK
HER
OUT OR GET HER TO BREAK OUR ENGAGEMENT! GOT THAT??!!??
Mihoshi: Wow, Ranma, you're really jealous like how Ryouko and Ayeka gets
with Tenchi.
Ranma: [dazed and shocked] I don't know who that guy is, but he sure ain't
me...
Ryouga: I'll say...
Ryoga was defiant, to say the least.. "Ranma, I challenge..."
Ryouga: ...you to an OOC contest. Whoever is the most OOC wins. Ready?
"Don't even think of challengin' me. In the last two years, how many
times
have you beaten me? None! Face it bacon breath, when it comes to
free-form
martial arts, you can't beat me!"
Ranma: Er...well...he has beaten me...a few times....they were close one's
though!
Ryouga: [sweatdrop] Oh, how humble you are...
With that Ranma hurled Ryoga into a wall, then sent him flying into the
air
with a whirlwind blast.
Ranma: Without walking a circle, or hot chi?
Yasuko: Well, at least he kept it as a hurricane...sort of.
"Ryoga!!!!!" Akane screamed in shock
Celine: Missing a period at the end.
"As for you," Ranma turned, "you keep away from other guys. Dammit Akane,
you're my girl."
Ranma: [blinks] Well, hell, I only got that way once...mainly because Mikado
pissed me off so badly.
Ryouga: Uh huh...
With that, he stormed back inside. Akane could only cry.
Ryouga: Ranma! How dare you hurt her like so!
Ranma: Hey! I didn't do nothin'!
Ryouga: Not you! [points at the fanfic] Him!
Ranma: Oh...