Problems I see so far.
1. Gratuitous use of Japanese.
I'm always of the opinion that, since we're writing this in English,
for an English-speaking audience, there's little point in adding bits of
Japanese except where it expresses something that really doesn't come
across otherwise. The thing is, excess use of Japanese leads to the next
problem.
2. Use of incorrect Japanese.
It's not "Mazaka" but "Masaka." It's not "Tamida" but "Tadaima."
"Kagmura" isn't a name that can be written in Japanese (there's no symbol
for a "g" syllable).
3. Use of mallets in a serious story.
This is a pet peeve of mine. Mallets, pulled from hammerspace
or elsewhere, are a sight gag. They don't get used in the manga when
there's serious violence to be done, or the mood is supposed to remain
serious. They shouldn't be used in a serious story. Personally, since
they're a sight gag, I'd prefer they didn't get used in the non-visual
medium of the fanfic at all, but that's a futile hope.
4. Casanova Ranma
This one is probably insuperable, given the nature of the story,
but here goes. Any story that purports to provide Ranma with prior female
experience runs up against the obvious fact that Ranma, at the beginning
of the manga, is completely and totally clueless where girls are concerned.
That's about the only thing that excuses his behavior. If he'd had any
experience at all, and still acted that way, he'd simply be a creep.
And it's really hard to imagine the Ranma we see in the manga as having
had any sexual experience at all.
RanmaSolo@aol.com writes:
In a message dated 06/09/2000 9:42:14 PM Pacific Daylight Time,
cearda@ultimanet.com writes:
Ranma interrupted "You're Tanimura Misako?" his tone clearly puzzled.
Earlier, you called him "Katsui". Plus, "Misako" is a woman's name.
Her younger sister Akane, Ranma's iinazuke, had stormed home after school
today slamming doors and boiling mad.
When asked why she was so angry, Akane told Kasumi about a challenge
letter that had arrived for Ranma just before the end of school.
Of course the idiot just HAD to go answer it. He was such a jerk! A macho
jerk! And with that Akane had stomped off.
I really hope there was more to the fight then this... Otherwise I don't
see why Akane's so mad unless you're a believer of, "Psycho Bitch" Akane...
Which I'm not by the way.
Seriously. I don't recall her ever acting this way about any other
challenge he ever got.
This time promises that Ranma had made.
No matter that they were given by a thirteen year old boy, Saotome Ranma
never broke his promises.
Well, maybe, but as we see in the Secret Sauce story, he'll do his
best to weasel out of them anyway he can. I'm also puzzled what promises
Ranma could have made. I mean, he says he didn't understand what could
happen, so he wouldn't have been likely to say, "Oh, by the way, if for
some reason you get pregnant and give birth to a child and then die a
few years later, I'll be glad to take care of the kid for you."
will be given a monthly allowance of fifty thousand yen to take care of
him; for maintenance it says. You have been given another one hundred
thousand yen to buy clothes and other things you'll need for him in the
mean time.
I'm not exactly sure exactly how well yen trades into dollars (or of the
cost of living in Japan though I'm of the understanding it's on the expensive
end) but, limited knowledge aside, isn't that like... a LOT of money?! A
ridiculously lot of money?
Not really. That's about five hundred bucks a month, with a thousand
bucks for initial shopping. Obviously the shrine business pays really well,
but it's not completely outrageous.
million yen for his services as caretaker. Provided that he does not enter
into marriage before April 23rd, 2012."
Ranma's jaw dropped open. "You're kidding me."
It took me a moment to realize this meant RANMA couldn't marry. ^_^
This REALLY may not be as bad as he thought. Nothing like money to excuse
himself from making a decision :)
Think again. According to this he can't marry again for another
seventeen years. Makes Shinji sound like an obstacle, doesn't it? And what
do Amazons think about obstacles? And does Ranma really want to put off
marriage until he's in his mid-thirties?
My problem is I really don't understand the reasoning behind the no
marriage stipulation. Does anyone think Ranma is really capable of
raising a three-year-old boy by himself for that long, even with his
father's help? Make that especially with his father's help? This may
have something to do with the "destiny" referred to earlier, but I have
to admit it strikes me as being very odd.
I mean, I've got kids, and the last thing on earth I would do is
give one of my kids to Ranma and Genma to raise. Was the Elder
Kawashima perhaps totally mad?
nervousness and the slight windidness of him.
She hmphed "Must not have been much of a fight eh Ranma?"
The object of her scorn merely blinked.
Why's Akane being so pissy? As in why are you writing her like that? If
there's an in-story reason I'd really like to know what the hell it is.
Indeed. You'd think this was another "Bet" entry or something.
picture of domestic tranquility and noticed an extra person. Then she
noticed the coloration of said person and she did a double take.
"Raaannnnnmmmaaaa..."
This is... Unlike the rest of this story. In other words... The little
paragraph I snipped right here... It... It's horrible. I cannot, at all, no
way, not in all the seven hells, see WHY Akane is being such a BITCH unless
this is an alternate universe. Wouldn't it be MUCH, MUCH. MUCH more likely
that she think Shinji is Ranma's little brother? Besides being more
believable you could get at least one or two good comedy bits out of it.
I have to admit, my first assumption would NOT be that Ranma had
fathered a child at the age of thirteen. Whereas both Akane and Ranma
were willing to believe Genma had fathered an illegitimate child in
the first Ukyo story.
Ranma growled low in his throat. "Nabiki, only because I really need your
help will I pretend that you didn't say that. You are to never speak
Yoshiko's name ever again. Is. That. Clear?"
But why does Ranma need Nabiki's help? She's all too often depicted
(in fanfic, anyway) as some sort of omni-competent wheeler-and-dealer,
but she's not a lawyer, she's not an accountant, or anything of the sort.
If Ranma needs help, the obvious people to turn to are Tanimura et. al.
Unless this is another of the old and rather unbelievable "Nabiki has
something on everyone including high government officials" deals.
Reid Carson
rcarson@rcarson.com