At 12:32 PM 6/9/00 -0500, Andrew wrote:
The only thing I'd change is let Fuu move around a bit. Give her some
physical
movements to her emotions, otherwise, you've just got a soliquoy for the most
part.
Descriptions during the tirade would've been distracting. We can probably
assume she was making appropriate gestures. The dialogue already sets the
tone.
A more serious example is Isaac Asimov's "The Winds of Change", in which the
bulk of the story is also conveyed in one character's dialogue. Narrative is
reserved for the beginning and the end.
Johann Chua -- HP: http://www.geocities.com/fuuma_1999/
CLAMP Fan Fiction: http://members.xoom.com/fuuma_monou/clampfix5.0/
"Many strange things are done in the name of love. People drink poison,
hurl themselves off tall buildings, get expensive implants and commit
murder, among other acts. These may strike the casual observer as insane,
but to the person in love, they make perfect sense." --Jessica Zafra