very interesting and I liked the way you showed off Ranko's
sweetness to Akane's Demonic Temper. Although I gather she
might have a slight reason for her dislike of winged girls
with fangs.
The characterization was mostly very good, the weakest being
Akane, strengthening the background material to show why she
is acting like a rapid dog with PMS, would probably help.
I felt you used Ranma and Nabiki exceptionally well and
Genma and Soun actually noticed the world around them,
rather astonishing, true they mostly got it wrong but they
did notice it.
I am not commenting on the plot because you really haven't
shown one. So far it has been meet the characters and set
them up for interaction. I assume this will change in the
future unless you plan to just retell the story of Ranma 1/2
with an extra Saotome. which is not necessarily a bad idea,
as long as you remember the extra character will produce
changes in what happens and why. Which you have shown you
know, so good job and I''ll be looking for more.
--
Rick Robinson
RICHARDROBINSONJR@prodigy.net
If violence is not solving your
problems you're just not using enough of it.
Misato
"I guess I'm just an old-fashioned sentimentalist at heart.
I refuse
to accept a no-win scenario. I hate the thought of a
universe without
justice. If the maneuverings of dark powers can't be
exposed and
defeated by the pure of heart, then there's no point in
anything. I
can't believe that."
-- Benjamin Hutchins