-
Ranko looked abashedly at her brother, "sorry, Big Brother, but,"
here she glared at the big panda who suddenly found his claws very
interesting, "due to someone's idea of excercise I am in a bit of a
bind." Ranma caught the dagger that one of the boys had thrown at
his sister, by its handle, just before it stuck in her sister's
back. She narrowed her eyes. Someone was going to pay. She looked
up in the direction the dagger had come from, casually tossing the
dagger to the panda in the process. She stepped in front of her
sister, seperating Ranko from the three teenagers that had been
chasing her. Ranma didn't like it when people picked on her younger
sister. She especially didn't like it when they were carrying
various weapons that had sharp points and edges to them.
The panda was eyeing the fact that the dagger appeared to have a
ruby in its hilt along with some smaller diamonds. He could get
lots of sake with the sale of this weapon.
Umm, these are random street punks? That kind of person doesn't
just toss around jeweled daggers, even in Nerima.
Ranma turned from her father to face the bullies.
Umm, this is written as editorial opinion by Ranma, right? Someone
defending their home town from demon vampires is hardly a bully...
everyone. And yet, he couldn't deny how she seemed to have
this...magic on most people that just seemed to make them want to
be more friendly with her. Too bad it didn't work on everyone.
this needs further exploration, and fast.
Ranma sighed. This had already been a long day. It had started out
raining today and they hadn't had a chance to get some hot water so
that she could change back to her male form. She really hated
meeting new people in her female form.
So why don't they do that now? There's no particular rush...
"Excuse me, did you say "Big Brother"?" asked Nabiki. She continued
poking Ranma in the chest as if not aware she was doing it anymore.
"And what did you mean by 'He's not used to being a girl'? Isn't
your "Big Brother" always a girl?"
Ranko giggled again, "not when he can help it".
"Um...Would you please stop that?" asked Ranma-chan. She still
looked miserable.
"Well, Daddy, it would appear that our "fiancee" is a girl!"
Umm, this doesn't really work here. She should be modifying this
according to what Ranko told her.
Akane sighed. "Enough of this. He..Er...They are our guests. We
should treat them as such." Akane looked at the winged red-head.
"I'm Akane, want to be friends?"
Ranko smiled, showing her fangs. "Can we?" She was genuinely
enthusiastic.
Akane, however, got a look at the fangs and freaked out. "A
vampire! Aaaaa!"
Akane pulled a wooden mallet out which curiously had a sharp end to
it and swung it at Ranko's chest. Things seemed to move in slow
motion as Ranko screamed and dropped into a crouch, rolling
backwards. Ranma ran and stopped, throwing her leg in front of the
mallet-spike blocking it with her shin. The look on her face was
one of anger. Yet, she stayed in that position, seemingly balancing
on one leg while holding the mallet-spike up with the other.
Huh? Why ever would she have this thing? Remember, in the
manga/anime, Akane never used a mallet until Kasumi gave her one
specifically.
Now later, we learn that Akane has some experience with
vampires, so it *might* make sense for her to carry around a wooden
stake just in case, but a spiked mallet? no.
Soun started wailing. "Wahh! My youngest daughter has no honor."
"Akane! They are guests. Trying to kill guests is impolite,"
scolded Kasumi sternly.
Nabiki, for once, couldn't say anything. She was still in shock by
what she had just seen. Her jaw was still hanging open, which her
sister Kasumi politely closed for her, causing an audible "click"
sound when her teeth came together. "Nabiki, please keep your mouth
closed, its not nice to make faces at our guests."
Akane fumed. Fine, she thought. Make her look like the bad guy. She
tries to protect her family from some vampire and they turn on her.
"Fine, then. I challenge you, vampire."
Much much further down, we learn Akane's motivation, but it
should actually come out here. After all, if Mrs. Tendou was done
wrong by a demon vampire, shouldn't the rest of the family be
reacting negatively too? Wouldn't Akane be curious as to why they
weren't?
And what does she gain by challenging the vampire? It's clear
her family is a bunch of sheep who won't change their opinion....
Ranko started crying. "Why do they always act this way! All I
wanted was to be friends. Why do they keep reacting to me as if I
am some kind of freak?? And I thought a hug would make Akane feel
better. Instead she was so filled with anger she fell asleep!"
Because you *are* some kind of freak.
And I notice no one bothers to explain why Akane might be upset
by a vampire....
"Oh, my," summed up Kasumi, putting her hand to her mouth.
Akane glared at Ranma triumphantly. "I knew it! He is a pervert!
With a vampire sister!"
Huh? This makes no sense, even by Akane standards. Remember,
Akane started calling Ranma a "pervert" because he saw her naked, and
as a Japanese pun on "shapeshifter". This Ranma hasn't done anything
like that.
A more appropriate epithet would be something like
"demon-lover" or the like...
Ranko flung her arms around Kasumi's neck in a girlish hug. "You're
the best, Kasumi!" Kasumi smiled.
Akane chose that moment to enter the bath thinking that it would be
nice to have a nice hot bath herself. What she saw when she walked
in was Ranko trying to sink her fangs into Kasumi's neck. The
innocent ploy was so obvious to Akane. Ranko acted innocent until
she got one of Akane's sisters alone and then she sucked their
blood. Simple. Why didn't anyone else see how simple it was? And
there was no way Akane was going to let this happen in her family
again! Once was enough.
Again, why does no one else make the connection?
Ranma, Nabiki, Genma and Soun were in the bathroom in a flash
before Akane knew what was going on. "Akane, what happened?"
Akane was in a rage, tears coming down the side of her face. "Your
kind took my mother from me! Your kind are the ones to blame for
her not being here!" By now, her aura had made itself known and
tripled in size.
Ranma stepped forward, visibly agitated. "Calm down, Akane. Ranko
is NOT a vampire. I wish you would get it through your head. SHE IS
NOT YOUR ENEMY!"
Akane launched herself at Ranma. "Like hell she isn't! She has the
fangs! She has the wings! She's a vampire!" Ranma moved to the
side, catching Akane in seemingly one move. Akane fell asleep in
Ranma's arms.
Kasumi ran over to where Ranko's unmoving form was slowly sinking
under the water and pulled her out of the bathtub.
"Ranko...Ranko...?" Kasumi put her head over Ranko's mouth and
listened, quietly. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. She is
still breathing..." Kasumi gently picked Ranko up and got her out
of the danger zone.
And still, no one thinks to explain *why* Akane might be upset?
They just let it hang?
---------------------
Kasumi continued to work on Ranko in her room. As she removed
Ranko's shirt to clean the blood which had dribbled down her back,
she was startled to find claw marks all over her back. She looked
at her own finger nails and at Ranko's. She realized that nothing
human could have made those. She wondered what caused
them....Kasumi didn't notice that while she was cleaning the
wounds, they seemed to be healing up as her hands touched the
places where Ranko was injured. She also didn't notice her hands
glowing a slight blue-ish color either.
Umm, where *did* those come from? Akane didn't do it, and we
didn't see anyone else who could....
There was a knock on her door.
"Enter."
Ranma-chan entered the room, wet, and looking somewhat annoyed.
"Akane is sleeping in her bed."
Kasumi smiled. "Ah, there you are, Ranma. I want your sister to
stay in my room. At least for a little while."
Ranma thought about that for a moment before nodding. "That would
work fine. I can't think of anyone else who she'd feel more
comfortable with. Thanks, Kasumi."
"Oh, and Ranma, one more thing," began Kasumi hesitantly.
"Yes?"
"You still haven't told us why Ranko is like she is? Surely this
isn't something that just happenned out of the blue?"
Ranma sighed. He had hoped he could avoid telling people about why
Ranko was half demon or how she was.
Kasumi noticed how uneasy Ranma was with the question and smiled.
"Ranma, the reason why I ask is because when I laid Ranko down in
my bed to rest, I noticed there were strange scratches and cuts all
over her back. These didn't look like anything that could have been
made by a human. And they felt...Well, demonic...For lack of a
better word for it. Your sister is half demon, isn't she?"
Ranma was startled. "How-?"
Kasumi gave that angelic smile again. "It seems to be a trait I
inherited from Mother, before she died."
Umm, okay, interesting, but is this an mother to eldest daughter
sort of thing, or do the other two have a different mom, or what?
Ranma sighed again. "My sister is the results of one of my Pop's
mistresses who turned out to be a demoness who seduced him. He
awoke the next morning to her laughing and handed him a baby girl.
I didn't find out about this until a few years ago myself.
Regardless of where she came from, though, she is still my sister."
Blink blink. *One* of Genma's mistresses? he never did that in
canon...on the other hand, he's willing to raise a baby that appears
overnight and which the demoness *claims* is his....which actually
comes down on the credit side for once.
"Kasumi, I don't want Ranko to know where she comes from. She has
enough problems with excepting the fact she is different. If she
knew she was half demon, she would have even more troubles."
Umm, like it isn't fairly obvious? Someone's gonna tell her
eventually, and it might as well be someone who likes her...
Major suggestion: Skip the "parallel to original" stuff as much
as possible, and move directly into the infestation of actual demon
vampires that obviously has panicked citizens into buying jeweled
Daggers of Demon Slaying and such...
I'd recommend moving the story about Mrs. Tendou front and
center in this chapter, and give the *reader* some reason to believe
that Ranko isn't a vampire demon who just won't admit it...
And some explanation of why some people react to her appearance
and others don't is a must for early revelation...
Also, there are still a lot of typos that need work...
SKJAM!
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