----- Original Message -----
From: "Jon Halloway" <kenoki_jin@hotmail.com>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 07, 2000 12:15 AM
Subject: [FFML] {FFML} Interesting question of "no life" proportions
Who do you think would win in a bokken fight, Tatawaki Kuno or Tenchi
Muyo...very interesting match I think.
Funny you should ask...
Second Best...
A Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo Fanfiction (minor rewrite)
Disclaimer: The Tenchi Muyo characters are the property of AIC and
Pioneer LDC. Ranma 1/2 characters are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi.
They are used without permission.
Cameos just in the prologue.
Don't let the title scare you =)
<><><><><><><><><><><>
MATCH 1:
Kindred Spirits
<><><><><><><><><><><>
"...And I'm pregnant with his child," she said in a nonchalant voice,
"So's she," indicating her friend, who had mastered the art of blushing
and scowling at the same time.
The five teenagers whispered amongst themselves and looked at the pair
of older girls with skepticism. He'd be the last guy to keep two girls.
"You're... you're lying. He so shy! It takes hours to get five words out
of him. Isn't that right?" The group of girls nodded their heads in
agreement. These two strangers had to be kidding.
"Why would we lie?" She said innocently. "It is the complete an honest
truth. Tenchi Masaki knocked us up. Isn't that right?" The girl with the
light cyan hair asked her companion with the purple tresses, who
deepened her scowl in return. "*ISN'T* that right?" She elbowed her
friend encouragingly.
"*Sigh*, Yes... she speaks the truth. Lor... Tenchi and I... Ten-chan
and I, in a night of heated passion declared our love for each other and
expressed ourselves in the only manner we could..."
"See there..."
"Wow, who would have believed," one of the group of girls said as they
turned to leave.
"Well, my mother always said to watch out for the quiet ones."
Ryoko smiled, having dismissed the five young women, who dared to show
interest in her Tenchi. When they had arrived at Furikan H.S. to watch
the finals of the All Japan High School Competition, she was quite
surprised to see the number of people who turned out to cheer their
schools on, especially the number of girls who had come to watch the
Kendo competition. Of course, one girl was too many when her Tenchi was
involved.
"...Even as the hours passed our fire did not diminish..." The princess
closed her eyes lost in the fantasy.
"Ok, ok, they got the point, Aeka."
"...Again and again our bodies met as if drawn to each other by an
unstoppable force..." She tightly hugged herself, swaying back and
forth.
"Can it, Princess Horny. They've gone."
"Faster and harder, until... until... What?" Aeka, First Princess of the
Jurai Royal Family and unrequited woman, asked opening her eyes and
looking about confused. "Oh... What? Don't look at me like that! This
was *your* debase idea to impugn on Lord Tenchi's good name!" Aeka
yelled pointing at Ryoko.
Ryoko continued to look at Aeka sidelong. "My idea was to scare them
away from my Tenchi, not to lapse into some daydream that's never gonna
happen."
Aeka's face twisted in anger and then relaxed. They had promised Tenchi,
and she was not about to let this *woman* get the better of her.
Delicately covering her mouth with a hand, she returned Ryoko's barb.
"Oh ohohohohohoho, that was no daydream, my dear diluted mummy. That was
an oath, a promise, a divination!"
"Oh, please! The day my Tenchi makes love to you..."
"Will please stop referring to him as 'your Tenchi'!"
#ATTENTION! ATTENTION! The finals of the Kendo competition will begin
shortly. The finals of the Kendo competition will begin shortly. #
Hearing the announcement, Ryoko smiled and turned to her rival and
friend. "Sorry your frigidness, no time to set you straight. *My* Tenchi
needs me to cheer him on." Ryoko replied, her feet beginning to lift
from the ground.
"Verrrry well, we will discuss to whom Lord Tenchi belongs after his
victory in this competition," said Aeka grabbing on to Ryoko's arm.
"No... remember? No powers."
"Oops, I forgot," Ryoko apologized returning her feet to the ground.
"Thanks for looking out."
"Your welcome, now lets hurry. We mustn't miss Lord Tenchi's triumph."
Before the two could leave, someone tapped Aeka on the shoulder
"Excuse me? Did they just announce the Kendo competition? My Japanese
isn't that good," a young woman asked.
"Yes..." Aeka replied narrowing her eyes and giving the girl in front of
her the once over. She was wearing a western T-shirt that had a picture
of a nerdy looking guy holding an oversized bokken with the caption:
Kendo is easy when you have a Big Johnson. She was also wearing cut off
jeans, what little was left of the jeans, anyway. Though Aeka couldn't
quite understand the taste in clothing, she conceded that the girl was
pretty in a Terran sort of way.
"Cool! I hear that both finalists are hunks," the kendo groupie squealed
and gave Aeka a conspiratorial wink.
Aeka's eyes narrowed further and she raised a hand to stop Ryoko, who
was beginning to lose patience with these Earth girls. "Well, I can not
speak for the other finalist, but I'm quite sure he pales before *MY
HUSBAND*, Tenchi Masaki."
"Aw, one of them is married?" The girl's demeanor sank noticeably.
"That is correct, so do not even bother looking at him. Go peddle your
wears elsewhere. Slut." The last word she added under her breath as the
girl left.
"I wonder if this is the reason Tenchi is always running out of the
house so eagerly in the morning?" Ryoko asked coming to stand besides
Aeka, and watching the Earth trollop depart.
"Hmm... I think Lord Tenchi will soon begin home schooling, like
tomorrow!"
Ryoko nodded her head in agreement and the two conspirators made their
way to the Kendo competition.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
"Ranma! Where's Ranma?" shouted the captain of the Furikan track team,
as he ran up to the Furikan Team tent.
"I don't know, but we need him out on the baseball diamond. We're
getting stomped! That Tobimaro is insane! He eaten five baseballs
already!" returned the school's baseball coach.
"Who cares about that! We need him on the track! I don't know what they
promised Moroboshi, but he's smiling like a madman, and Lum is
untouchable."
"Forget it, he's helping out the female gymnastic team right now," said
a girl sticking her head into the tent.
"Awww..." chorused the baseball, basketball, track, wrestling and table
tennis team captains.
#ATTENTION! ATTENTION! First place in the monster desk throwing
competition: Shinobu Miyake. #
"That does it! What are the standings now anyway?"
All eyes turned to the events' scoreboard one of the students was
keeping up to date in the tent.
"Well, I think we can count on Ranma winning the gymnastics competition.
If things continue the way they're going..."
Everyone sighed.
"We need Kuno to win the Kendo competition or Furikan will take second
place in the overall to Tomobiki!"
"I guess... I guess we need to go cheer on Kuno," let out the gym
teacher who was acting as student advisor.
"Oh joy," they chorused.
The tent emptied as everyone left to watch the finals of the Kendo
competition.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
"Guess who won the floor exercise in the gymnastic competition?" shouted
a diminutive and excited pigtailed girl in a leotard.
"Hmm... let me guess."
"What's your problem, Akane?" Ranma-chan said, sitting down next her.
"We're losing, that's the problem. If Kuno doesn't win his match, we'll
come in second in the point's standings," Akane replied in frustration.
She had no idea someone could throw desks farther and more accurately
than she could.
"What! We're still losing after I won the floor exercise!"
Akane nodded.
"After I one the kempo competition?"
Akane nodded.
"After I helped the rugby team?"
"Yes, yes, yes, Mr. Perfect! Despite your Herculean efforts we're still
a few points behind," Akane replied throwing her hands up in
exasperation.
"Damn, there just ain't enough of me to go around," Ranma-chan smiled,
leaning back in her seat and folding her arms behind her head.
"Hey, Ranma! Akane!" Nabiki yelled running up to the pair.
"What is it, Nabiki?" Akane asked standing. Ranma just ignored her and
watched a young man with closely cropped hair and a short ponytail warm
up with his bokken. She had never seen that style before.
"Akane, I want you and Ranma to cheer on Kuno," Nabiki said catching her
breath.
Ranma vaulted to her feet. "Whoa! I got school spirit and all, but
that's goin' above and beyond. Ain't no way I'm doin' anything special
for Kuno."
"Nabiki, of course we want Kuno to win. If Kuno wins, Furikan wins,"
Akane added.
"Yeah, but I need you to make sure. So go over there and... I don't
know, blow kisses at him, promise to go out with him, whatever."
"What for! Nabiki! I am not promising Kuno a date!"
"Don't even bother asking me!" Ranma-chan said crossing her arms.
"You have to. I got big money riding on Furikan to win. I didn't expect
Tomobiki to do this well, they're usually so apathetic about their
school, but they were promised five months worth of beefbowl. Kami-sama
knows what they offered Moroboshi. He's taken first in six events now
and the Tomobiki tent is an armed camp with tanks and helicopter
support."
"I was wondering why the Tomobiki students were armed and dressed in
military attire," Akane mused.
"You losin' money sounds like a pretty good reason to hope Kuno loses,"
Ranma-chan said under her breath.
"I heard that, Ranma." Nabiki raised a single eyebrow. "And I think you
will do it." She smiled and withdrew a rather innocuous looking envelope
from her pocket.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Tenchi Masaki sighed as he finished a warm up kata and spared a glance
back at his family and friends who had come to watch his match. Even
though he had made it to the final round, his grandfather still had a
look of mild disinterest. Both his father and Mihoshi had to work and
couldn't it make. Mihoshi had cried her apologies all the way out the
door, but what really scared him was her promise to make it up to him.
Washu was busy in her lab and said she saw no reason to watch a match
she already knew the outcome of. Tenchi smiled at the vote of
confidence. That just left his friends from school, most of whom were
glad to finally be at an event their school had a chance of winning, his
grandfather, Sasami and...
"Yoohoo! Tenchi!"
"Lord Tenchi!"
He gave them a nervous smile and a quick wave. It was becoming harder
and harder to look at them and not think about it. Every glance in their
direction brought his feelings to the fore and with his feelings a sense
of conflict and self-loathing. It was better not to think about it and
avoid the topic altogether. He lowered his head. His mother would be so
ashamed of him now, in love with more than one girl. He shook his head
free of the thought, put his bokken to his shoulder and entered the
square that had been marked out for his match. His opponent from Furikan
was already in the arena.
Tatewaki Kuno stood in the center of the arena, eyes closed, sniffing a
single red rose. His bokken, a family heirloom, rested against his
shoulder, while the soft glow of a spotlight illuminated him.
Tenchi took the ready position across from Kuno. Inhaling a deep breath,
he slowly let it out and closed his eyes as well. Gradually, the noise
and cheering of the crowd faded from his mind and all he could hear was
the breath of his opponent. His grandfather indulged in a small smile
and nodded at his grandson. Reaching into his pocket, Katsuhito Masaki
took out a handful of pebbles.
"In war, then, let your great object be victory, not lengthy campaigns.
Thusly, I shall make your end quick. For I, the Blue Thunder of Furikan,
am not anything if not gracious in my mercy." Kuno tossed the rose in
the direction of the crowd, a gaggle of girls, who did not have the
pleasure of knowing Kuno, fighting over the prize. He opened his eyes
and raised his bokken. "Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen, and today's kendo
champion."
Tenchi kept his eyes closed. "Rouse him, and learn the principle of his
activity or inactivity. Force him to reveal himself, so as to find out
his vulnerable spots."
Kuno allowed a look of surprise to cross his face. "So... a student of
Sun Tsu. You may just be worthy to face me."
"My grandfather made me read it as a child. Ever since I was old enough
to hold a bokken, he has been teaching me," Tenchi answered in a calm
voice, still focusing.
"I too have been practicing the sword since childhood, though I have yet
to face a worthy opponent."
"Begin!" And the match began, but neither combatant moved.
"C'mon Tenchi!" Ryoko shouted out. "Kick his ass! If you win, I'll give
you something special!" She added with a wink.
"Humph, I thought we were to inspire victory, not scare it away. Lord
Tenchi, don't worry about that woman, I will deal with her. I know,
after you win, I'll cook you a special dinner."
Tenchi's posture began to wilt.
"An opening!" Kuno shouted and struck with his bokken. Tenchi recovered
quickly enough to block the strike and the match began in earnest.
"I see you have a number of female admirers... Why did that one refer to
you as Lord Tenchi?" Kuno asked in midst of a lockup between them.
"Uh... term of endearment," Tenchi quickly answered and ignored the
pebble that struck him in the back of the head.
The lock up broken, both fighters retreated a step.
"Ah! I thought perchance you were of noble blood, but I see you are but
a commoner!" Kuno proclaimed in the middle of the ring. "Not worthy of
this bokken of mine at all."
"No, he did not say what he just said," Aeka proclaimed from her
ringside seat. She stood and was going to storm into the ring but Sasami
and Ryoko held her back. "You there, peasant! Lord Tenchi has the blood
of *KINGS* flowing through his royal veins. You're not fit to tie his
shoes! Let me go! He must be punished. How dare he insult the Jurai
Royal Family! Aza... Mmmphf!"
"Quiet, little princess, remember what we promised Tenchi. No scenes!"
Ryoko reminded, placing a hand over Aeka's mouth before she could summon
her guardians and dragging Aeka back to her seat.
Kuno blinked confused at the display.
"Ah... It's a long story," Tenchi apologized scratching the back of his
head nervously.
Kuno returned to the ready position and quickly resumed his role as the
aggressor in the match. "Then you are of the manor born?"
"You could say that," Tenchi replied again blocking Kuno strike and
again ignoring several pebbles that struck him in the back.
"Wow, that looks like fun, Grandpa! Can I try?" Sasami asked bouncing up
and down.
"Of course you can help with Tenchi's training, here." Katsuhito reached
into his pocket and pulled out some more stones and handed them to
Sasami. "Now, remember to aim only for Tenchi. This helps him to improve
his concentration."
"Ok!" the little princess promised with a smile.
The match continued for several minutes, seemingly at a standstill, but
in truth Tenchi was drawing the match out. It was interesting fighting
someone other than his grandfather.
Akane watched the match excitedly. "That guy fighting Kuno is pretty
good, hey Ranma. Ranma?" Akane asked again when there was no immediate
reply.
Ranma had just pushed a stack of photos down her throat, followed by a
roll of film she popped like a pill. Gulping, she turned and faced
Akane. "Huh? Didja say somethin', Akane?"
'Why did I get stuck with you? Guess you can't help who you fall in love
with...' Akane shook her head before completing thought. "Idiot, I said
that guy fighting Kuno is pretty good at kendo."
"Bah, I'm better at. If I had the time I woulda entered myself, and
cleaned both their clocks. But..."
"...There is only so much of you to go around," Akane finished for him
in an annoyed voice.
"Right! Wow, you're quick today, Akane. I must be rubbin' off on ya!"
Ranma-chan laughed... and got tossed into the ring for her trouble.
'Idiot, too bad your ego can't fight your battles for you, than you'd
truly be unbeatable,' Akane huffed to herself and relaxed from the
throw. Where was Ranma when she needed that anger for the desk throwing
competition?
"TENCHI! FINISH IT!" Katsuhito shouted out from the side of the ring.
This match was lasting too long. Wresting would be on in hour. He threw
the remaining stones he had in his hand at his grandson.
Tenchi sighed blocking all the incoming rocks with his bokken. "Yes!
Grandfather!" He shouted and as if someone had flipped a switch, Tenchi
went on the offensive, forcing Kuno back. He was about to do as his
grandfather asked and put an end to the match when a flying girl struck
his opponent in the head.
"Ranma you idiot! Get out of the ring before Furikan is disqualified!"
Akane shouted from the sidelines.
Sliding off of Kuno's head and onto her feet, Ranma-chan yelled back,
"Who was it who threw me in here you over-strength tomboy."
Tenchi paused watching the pair argue, he was reminded of Aeka and
Ryoko.
"Pigtailed one! You have come to show your undying love and support!"
Kuno proclaimed scooping the small girl up in a fierce hug.
"Git your... *hiccup* " Ranma-chan was about to punt the lech into orbit
when a burp of indigestion reminded her of Nabiki. Turning in the
direction of the scheming brunette, she saw Nabiki wink at her and
beckon her on with a motion of her hand. Letting out a forlorn sigh,
Ranma-chan pasted a sickeningly sweet and girlish smile onto her face.
"Oh... Oh Upperclassmen Kuno, I couldn't stay away. You just have to
win," she said with her hands clasped to her bosom and eyes sparkling.
"Ranma! You pervert! What're you doing with Kuno!" Akane shouted from
the sides.
'I guess they both are interested in this Kuno. Maybe I'm not the only
one with this problem,' Tenchi thought in wonder.
"O' Death, where is thy sting? O' grave where is thy victory? Both pale
in significance, when my pigtailed Nike and my fearsome Diana stand
before me. It is over, Masaki! My angels have come to gird me on!"
Ranma-chan quietly left the ring and ran to the restroom to puke, while
Kuno attacked Tenchi with renewed vigor.
Tenchi was having some difficulty fending off Kuno's advances. His mind
was elsewhere. "Are both those girls... your girlfriends?" Tenchi asked
avoiding another strike.
"The term 'girlfriend' is wanting. They are my sun and moon, my blood
and soul," Kuno said continuing his attack.
Tenchi defended, but a curious expression broke through his mask of
concentration. "But... don't you consider it immoral to date two women
at the same time and..."
"For most, that would be the case, but me and my loves are a rare
occurrence, like a perfect pearl or a green diamond."
"How do you know that isn't just ego? Isn't it the height of hubris to
keep more than one woman? Shouldn't you pick one over the other and stop
being so selfish and indecisive," Tenchi asked more than scolded. He
relaxed from his stance.
Kuno did likewise, feeling the need to explain; though to everyone else,
it just looked like grandstanding. "It was not pride that led me down
this path. Indeed, it was the breadth of my love for these two, which
did bring me to this point. I have sacrificed my own morality, borne
innumerable amounts of criticism and suffering... all for my ladies
loves. You would call selfish such an act?"
"But they couldn't possibly agree to a situation like that. They were
arguing just a moment ago."
"BOO! BOO! We came to see BLOOD!" The crowd began to yell.
"It is true that sometimes the fiery passion my loves hold for me
displays itself in the form of argument. However, the hurt... the
devastation that would be wrought if I were to pick one over the
other... I... I... try not to think of such woe," Kuno said quietly,
lowering his head. "How does one choose from the stars in the sky?"
Tenchi turned to look at the two women who literally did fall from the
sky and into his life. They returned his look with twin smiles and a
curious cant of their heads. How indeed did one choose from amongst the
stars? "Still..." Tenchi said turning back to Kuno.
"There are not more than five musical notes, yet the combinations of
these five give rise to more melodies than can ever be heard. Do you not
remember your Sun Tsu? There is a harmony here, unlike any ever heard,"
Kuno finished.
"A harmony?" Tenchi said aloud, his attention fully on the thought, a
fact that was not missed by Kuno.
"Victory is mine!" Kuno shouted out and in one swift motion raised his
bokken to strike Tenchi down.
Tenchi was caught completely off guard. He hastily raised his bokken,
only to have it snapped in half by the force of Kuno's strike.
Although he should have pressed his attack, Kuno paused to gloat.
"Heaven smiles on me once again. Do you yield? Or do you plan to
continue with what is left of your weapon?"
Tenchi looked down at what was less than half of his bokken. The
remaining piece lied near his feet. He again spared a look back at Ryoko
and Aeka, who looked back concerned. He gave them a confident smile and
began to look at his situation with a new perspective. Swing his broken
bokken above his head and shifting a foot near the other half, Tenchi
smirked. "Yield? Not quite yet."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><>
damien_searight@msn.com
ICQ: 24113246
"Wha's a matter? Think I'm weak cause I'm a girl!"
Tenchi looked at the red head and then gave a glance back at Ryoko and
Aeka. "That's not it. I know some fairly intimidating girls."
Second Best: Match 2
Taking a Dive