Interview with the Slayers
A fanfiction by Shadra D
[All Slayers characters are property of Hijime
Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi, Kadokawa, TV Tokyo, SOFTX, and
Marubeni. This is for entertainment purposes only.]
***
[SCENE: A black box theatre with five chairs set up,
four in one row with the fifth at an angle facing that
row. On the six chairs are LINA INVERSE, GOURRY
GABRIEV, AMELIA WIL TESLA SAILOON, and ZELGADIS
GRAYWORDS]
AMELIA: Neee, Lina-san, what are we doing here?
LINA: I dunno. That man cornered me in a restaurant
the other day and insisted that I be interviewed.
AMELIA: Oh.. then why are WE here?
LINA: You think I'd let a crazy guy like that get me
alone in a room like this? Yeah right!
GOURRY: Lina, what are we doing here?
LINA: [bashes GOURRY over the head with the fifth
chair] I just TOLD you!
GOURRY: OW! Sorry, sorry...
ZELGADIS: .......
[a WELL DRESSED MAN suddenly walks in the door. He
takes a seat in the dented fifth chair]
MAN: Thank you all for coming. I asked you here today
so tha--
LINA: What do you have to eat?
MAN: [sweatdrops] I, er, don't have anyth--
LINA: [crossing arms] No food, no interview.
MAN: But, I--
LINA: [humming and looking around the black box]
MAN: [sighs and asks one of the techies to nab some
pastries. The techie soon returns with a tray of
danishes]
LINA: [grabbing three pastries] Now THAT'S more like
it!
ZELGADIS: Lina, can we just get on with this?
LINA: [speaking with all three pastries in her mouth]
Mgghmm frrmmhmm!
ZELGADIS: Yeah, whatever.
AMELIA: Linaaaa, don't take all of them!
MAN: [rubs forehead] Ok, I'll just start. Here's a
question for all of you: Did you ever think that the
Slayers anime would ever become so popular?
ZELGADIS: The Slayers what?
MAN: The anime.
AMELIA: Anime? Mr. Zelgadis, what's an anime?
ZELGADIS: [shrugs]
MAN: It's a Japanese cartoon.
LINA: Cartoon?
MAN: You know, an animated series?
GOURRY: Animation? Isn't that something that is so
horrible it shouldn't exist?
LINA: That's ABOMINATION, you dolt! Animation is
giving life to a non-living object.
MAN: Well, kind of... It's a sequence of drawings that
have been strung together to make the appearance of
motion on your television screen.
AMELIA: Television?
MAN: It's an electronic device--
ZELGADIS: Electronic?
MAN: It uses electricity to make an image appear on
the screen--
AMELIA: What screen?
MAN: The television screen.
LINA: Trhm-- [swallows] the what screen?
MAN: Television! The little thing shaped like a box--
GOURRY: Box?
LINA: [hits GOURRY with the now empty tray] Shutup!
MAN: -- that makes it look like there are people
inside it acting out a play of sorts.
ALL: .. huh?
MAN: [exasperated] It's a BOX with a MAGICAL SCREEN
that makes it look like PEOPLE are inside MOVING
around and TALKING occasionally.
ALL: ... OH! I get it!
ZELGADIS: So, what does this have to do with
animation?
MAN: It's a... The TV--
AMELIA: TV?
MAN: TV: It is an abbreviated version of 'television'
GOURRY: Abbreviated? [is hit with the tray again] Ow!
AMELIA: .. oh.
MAN: The drawings that I told you about earlier are
shown on the TV screen so quickly that it looks like
they are moving.
ZELGADIS: And the point of having moving drawings
would be...?
MAN: It's entertaining.
ZELGADIS:.... yeah.
MAN: [adjusts his tie] Right, forget it. Here's a
question from a fan: When you guys are camped out in
the wilderness, who would you say sleeps the loudest?
GOURRY: Oh, that'd have to be Lina. She sounds like an
earthquake!
LINA: Hey! [hits Gourry with the tray again] I do not!
You're the one that sounds like an earthquake!
ZELGADIS: I'd have to say that the two of you make the
most noise together... having sensitive ears doesn't
let me sleep very soundly.
MAN: I see. Moving on, here's another question: When
you guys eat at an inn or restaurant, who ends up
paying for all the food you've consumed?
LINA: Huh? What kind of a question is that?
GOURRY: [scratches head] Well, if we're in a hurry, or
something like that, we usually don't pay.
MAN: Is that so? Ms. Amelia, how do you feel about
this travesty of Justice?
AMELIA: [pokes fingers together] Umm.. well.. we don't
always have that much money, and we have saved the
world multiple times... In the name of Justice it'd be
right for the inns and restaurants to give us a
reward... umm...
ZELGADIS: I always pay for my food.
MAN: This question is for Lina, Amelia, and Zelgadis:
What was the first spell you learned?
[AMELIA still appears flustered, so LINA takes the
question]
LINA: The first spell I was taught was Lighting. Why
do you ask?
MAN: I don't, the fans do.
LINA: Oh.
ZELGADIS: The first spell I learned was also Lighting.
It's quite simple and is a good spell for beginning
magic users to practice with, getting the feel of
their magic. More dangerous spells come later, once a
magic student has mastered the simple ones.
AMELIA: The first spell I learned was Sleeping...
Gracia taught it to me so that I could cast it on
myself when I couldn't sleep.
MAN: Good, good. On the subject of Gracia, Amelia:
were you aware that your sister has been romping
around the land under the alias "Naga the White
Serpent"?
LINA: [falls out of chair] WHAAAAAAAT???
AMELIA: Is she really?
LINA: But-- You can't be SERIOUS in telling me that
NAGA, of ALL PEOPLE, is the FIRST PRINCESS of SAILOON?
MAN: [nods]
LINA: [sputters incoherently]
AMELIA: Lina-san? You've met Gracia? How is she?
LINA: bu-- buuuu... bububu---
MAN: Well, we're running out of time, so I'll ask one
more question: For all of you, what was your best
one-on-one fight? Zelgadis?
ZELGADIS: I'd have to say that my fight with Gourry
when he was posessed by Phibrizzo was the best. He was
in top form, and from that I learned many moves that I
used in later fights.
GOURRY: When was this?
MAN: Gourry, what was your best one-on-one fight?
GOURRY: Ummm.. I think my fights with Zangulus were
the best.
MAN: I said THE best.
GOURRY: They were all good!
MAN: [shakes head]
AMELIA: My best one-on-one fight was... ummm... did I
ever fight anybody alone? I don't think I ever did...
LINA: I refuse to answer that question.
MAN: Why is that?
LINA: That's a secret!
[a loud *WHUMP* is heard as Xelloss facefaults from
the rafters.]
MAN: [massive sweatdrop] Aaand, that's it for today.
Next time I will be interviewing Xelloss, Naga, Rezo,
and Martina. Thank you, and goodnight.
***
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
I honestly have no idea where this came from.. Oh yes
I do! It was inspired by a section of Slayers:
INTERACTIVE where you are trying to explain to the
Slayers what anime was, and it grew from there. Go
read INTERACTIVE, btw. It's a lot of fun ^_^
Thanks go to: Scriv, Montae, #improfanfic, and The
Keep.
Maybe I'll actually continue this.... kowai.
-Shadra D
sjholstein@yahoo.com
=====
Shadra: The Dragon King, heiress to godly powers, soon-to-be-ruler of everything, and enemy of Spoo
AKA: Grape
Shataran Jrakn'or
"YOU!" (for those of you at OTAKON)
"ICH BIN KEINE BANANA!!"
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