Setting: Right after Episode 20
This fic is a bit of a spoiler for those of you who haven't seen past Ep 20
or read past volumes 5 or 6 of the manga. If you don't care, then please
read!!
It's also a Chichiri fic, and it's written in the first person. If you don't
know anything about our favorite blue-haired monk's background, then you may
have trouble getting some stuff... but the quick summary he gives to Miaka is
enough. ^_^
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Explanations
Sometimes I'm glad I wear this kamen. Like right now, for instance. This
way, no one has to see how concerned I am about Tasuki and Miaka, or how
scared I am about what's happened to Tamahome. This way, I don't add to the
confusion and worry. I know they look up to me; if I lose it, they'll
realize how serious it is.
As I walk down the halls of Eidou, towards the throne room, I slow my pace.
I'm not in a hurry to get to where I'm going.
Hotohori-sama is going to want an explanation. He's going to want to know
all the facts before he blames someone. He'll blame Tamahome, of course,
because Hotohori-sama loves Miaka. Part of me wishes Tasuki wasn't so beat
up. The Heika isn't going to like what I have to tell him, especially when
he learns how badly Tamahome beat up Tasuki. It was impossible to miss the
damage, but he's going to want details.
How do I explain what I saw, though? Tamahome attempted to kill Miaka, of
all people. I thought he loved her. But he was a different person in Kutou,
his dead eyes frightened me more than I would care to admit.
It just doesn't make sense. It wasn't that long, how could he have changed
so quickly? When he was fighting Tasuki, his seishi symbol didn't appear.
It makes me afraid that that asshole gaijin did something to him. The fact
that he treated Miaka so badly makes me almost certain of it. The Tamahome
that Nuriko, Hotohori, and I know wouldn't do that to Miaka, he'd sooner kill
himself. He was willing to go to Kutou to buy her time to look for everyone
else.
But now all the Suzaku Seishi are gathered. Though Chiriko seems strange to
me. There's a strange feel to his chi that I can't place. I'll just have to
keep an eye on him. It bothers me that I can't do anything until something
happens, because I'm not certain. I wish i knew for sure. We can't afford
to have anything else go wrong. Taiitsukun-sensei will not talk to me, she
says "the timing is critical," which could mean anything, knowing her.
I see Chiriko in front of me as I'm walking. Talk about timing. He smiles a
little when he sees me. I hope my feeling about him is wrong. I know that
he is basically good, though. He can't hide that, no matter who he is.
"Chichiri-san?"
He sounds so young. Much younger than he looks. "Hai, Chiriko, no da?"
"Is everything going to be all right?"
His question makes me stop and look at him. There is a naked fear in his
eyes that puts a lump of ice in my stomach. He knows something, something
that makes him desperate to know my answer. He fidgets under my stare; I
think he knows what my face looks like, even with my kamen, which I now
remove.
Chiriko's eyes widen, and I can tell he holds back a grimace or a gasp or
some other reaction to my scar. I've learned not to mind it so much anymore.
I quickly redirect the topic. "Why wouldn't things be all right, na no da?"
Chiriko stares at the ground. "Well, Tasuki-san is really hurt, and
Tamahome-san isn't coming back to Konan...................."
I wave my hand. "Mitsukake can heal Tasuki-kun, and we're going to get
Tamahome back, no da." I say with an assurance I don't feel in the least.
It seems to calm Chiriko though. I smile at him. "There's nothing else to be
concerned about, na no da."
Just for the record, I am a terrible liar. Ever since I can remember, I've
never been able to deceive anyone. However, Chiriko desperately wants to
believe me. But that fear is still in his face. I guess he can't lie very
well either.
I am on the verge of being late to my debriefing with Hotohori-sama. But
this feeling about Chiriko is bothering me more than I thought it would, and
he looks like he is fighting with something.
"Is there something wrong, Chiriko, no da?" I watch him intently. He wants
to shake his head, he wants to refuse me and walk away and pretend I never
asked. He wants to do this because he has to.
Things don't always work out the way you want them to. I know this just as
well as anyone. There are tears in Chiriko's eyes as he grabs my wrist with
a grip that surprises even him. He sits down on the floor, right in the
middle of the hallway, and pulls me to the ground with him.
"Nani, Chiriko-kun?" I prompt gently, trying to be as open as I can. He
still doesn't look like he wants to talk.
"Chichiri-san, if I tell you, I'm as good as dead." What shocks me about
this revelation is the serenity with which he tells it. I stay silent; I
have no idea what to say. I'm sure that if he tells me who will kill him,
he'll inadvertently tell what he shouldn't. He needs to resolve this on his
own. In any case, I think I know.
"I am not the Suzaku no sei Chiriko."
That explains it then. The feeling I had about him before. He's been
pretending for all this time, it's almost unthinkable, but not impossible, to
believe. There is a sick feeling in my stomach as I realize what I must ask.
"Well, who are you then, no da?" I have to fight to get the words out, and
my voice sounds strangled. Chiriko-who-is-not-Chiriko mistakes this for
anger, not grief. He shrinks back, horror lurking behind his teary, dull
eyes. He opens his mouth to answer, and I brace for the worst. I'm not
going to like the answer, not one bit. If he tells me what I think he's
going to tell me, I might be ill. Like I said before, we absolutely *cannot*
afford to have anything else go wrong.
"Watashi wa, Seiryuu no Shichi Sei no Amiboshi desu."
I thank Suzaku and everything holy that I am sitting on the ground.
Otherwise, I might have collapsed right there. Nevertheless, I have to brace
myself from falling over completely as a groan of anguish escapes my lips.
This is the worst possible news at the worst possible time.
The Seiryuu Seishi, Amiboshi, scrambles to keep me upright. "Chichiri-san,
daijobu desu ka?"
I look up at him angrily, with a short, cruel retort on the tip of my tongue.
No matter how hard I try though, I find myself unable to be upset with him.
He could have kept this information to himself, using his position to do any
number of things to the rest of the Suzaku no seishi. And as I look into his
face, I realize that not only does he live in fear of what Nakago will do to
him, Amiboshi is deathly afraid of me.
I can feel my face relax a little, and I attempt to smile. "Hai, daijobu
desu, Chi-A-amiboshi na no da." I stand, and I pull him up with me and we
both begin to walk towards the throne room. We are inexcusably late and
Hotohori-sama is not going to be pleased at our tardiness.
Amiboshi is struggling against my grip; he is afraid that I'm going to
reveal his secret to the Heika. His face is pale and his hand has turned
very cold. I can hear him quietly begging to be let go, not to be taken to
Hotohori-sama.
We reach the door to the throne room and I release the terrified Seiryuu
seishi. He looks ready to bolt. "Matte," I say quietly, and he stops. "I
am not going to expose your secret to the Heika. That is for you to do on
your own.
"Demo, I have to be truthful with you, Amiboshi, no da. If you tell
Hotohori-sama who you really are, you will be detained, no da. You may even
be imprisoned for a while, na no da. However, he will not allow Nakago to
kill you. You have my personal guarantee on that. Even if I have to protect
you myself, you will be safe."
Amiboshi is startled. This is something he didn't expect to hear. "Honto
desu ka?"
I nod once. "Hai, honto desu." A small smile finds my face as I replace my
kamen. "And you never know, he may do nothing at all. If you reveal
yourself before any damage occurs, so you may be offered the chance to stay
here with us."
The boy considers this. "You'd take me in, even though I deceived all of
you?"
"Friends do not judge, Amiboshi-kun." I reply, absently thinking of how
hollow those words sound as they ring through my head. I am not the best
person to be discussing how friends behave towards one another, that is
certain.
Amiboshi smiles, genuinely heartened by my declaration of friendship and
promise of his safety. He looks at the door. "We should go in.
Hotohori-sama needs your report about Tamahome-san ......"
I rest my hand comfortingly on his shoulder and open the door. I keep my
glance directly in front of me as I kneel before a slightly irate Heika.
Nuriko elbows me in the ribs and it takes everything I have not to fall over.
"Mou, it took you two long enough to get here!! Do you *know* how long
Hotohori-sama has been waiting?!?!?"
I only nod, and Hotohori-sama gestures with barely-masked impatience.
"Chichiri, I need your report, onegai shimasu."
I take a breath, glance at Amiboshi, and begin. "Hai, Hotohori-sama, no da.
Our troubles began the moment we landed in Kutou-koku................."
***
Last night, only hours after my conversation with Amiboshi, Miaka tried to
commit suicide.
Mitsukake had been right when he said that he could only heal her exterior
wounds. There had been more grief in her than any of us realized, including
myself. I have beat myself up several times since last night for not seeing
it.
I watch the rain pound into the courtyard and wonder if I made the right
decision keeping Amiboshi's secret from the Heika. The revelation certainly
would have been as bad in timing for him as it was for me. I think it's the
correct path. The boy, even though he is--by birth--our enemy, is no threat
to us. Plus, he needs to reveal it himself.
Amiboshi's problem does bother me. I find myself walking by his room more
often, just to sense his chi-make sure he's still alive. While *he* doesn't
worry me, Nakago does. Amiboshi is his spare key; his back-up plan, should
Tamahome ever return to us, centers around his young flute-player. If Nakago
were to find out that he's been betrayed...............
I really would rather not think about this right now. What I need is a bowl
of soup and a good night's rest. The soup I think I can get without any
problem. My thoughts and this rain won't give me the peace I need.
I can hear Mitsukake come up behind me. He has to be the most quiet of all
of us, the most reserved. He's almost stand-offish, but I can relate. I've
only known him for a short time, but I know he's like me. Our pasts are
eerily similar, and I pity him; I wouldn't wish my past on anyone.
"The grass will be greener when it stops."
I turn to him with an amused grin. It's amazing that he can find something
positive in all this. Tama-neko jumps from his shoulder to mine, and rubs up
against my cheek with a purr. I look back out at the rain. "I suppose it
will, no da."
"You should sleep."
"Doctor's advice, no da?"
A laughing smile plays across the healer's face. "Partially." He admits.
"But I'm also worried about you. I don't think you've slept since you
returned from Kutou-koku, and you didn't escape that ambush without some
injuries."
"Merely cosmetic, na no da." I wave his concerns away with a slight shake
of my head. "And I'll sleep when I need to, Mitsukake, no da."
It's not going to do me any good if I let him know how tired I really am. I
could fall over if my shakujo wasn't helping be remain upright. But, I have
to keep watch. I know that I should sleep, and the even mention of it makes
me somewhat dizzy. Besides, there is an expression on his face that I know
all too well. He has something he really wants to tell someone, and that
person happens to be me.
"Is everything all right, Mitsukake, no da?" At my shoulder, Tama-neko mews
plaintively. The stoic doctor scratches his head, and the rhythmic purrs
begin anew.
"Chichiri-san, do you ever wish that you weren't a seishi?"
That was not the question I was expecting. I was expecting some sort of
query into whether or not we will be able to summon Suzaku, or if Tamahome
was coming back. Something to that effect.
"Once in a while, no da."
My response shocks him as much as his question surprised me. His narrow eyes
widen, and I can see his jaw drop a little out of the corner of my eye.
"Think about it this way, no da. There are times when Hotohori-sama wishes
that he wasn't the Heika. However, he is, and he does the best he can and he
loves it no da, because that's what he was born to do, no da."
I remove my kamen and avoid his expression of clinical interest in my face.
"Miaka-chan is my Miko, and I will protect her with my life if it comes to
that." I sigh softly. "I guess I don't wish that I was not a seishi. What
I wish is that I didn't have to be. I wish that Taiitsukun-sensei had
created a world where the *last* thing the people had to worry about was
whether or not their gods were going to kill each other."
~Tsu zu ku!~
---------Author's notes-----------
Ohayo! Ok, this is the first fic I've ever posted. I've got a ton, but I'm
too much of a chicken to put them on a page or submit them to a list.
Obviously, this fic diverges from the main plot of Fushigi Yuugi. I know the
title is pretty lame too. But C&C is appreciated, but no flames please.
~Haruka Kaoru
http://www.angelfire.com/tx/bdools/anime.html
"It's because you keep plaing Mr. Macho---that we always get SCREWED like
this! You idiot!" (Kagome, "Inu-Yasha")