Torn
----------------------
In the midst of darkness, a door creaked open, spilling rays of
moonlight into the apartment, before being shut once more. A young
girl quietly slipped off her shoes and walked softly into her bedroom.
She paused at her bed, her fists clenching in and out. Light from the
window highlighted her pale face, catching like a prism a single
teardrop sliding down her perfect features. The commander had, for the
first time in long years, 'reminded' her of who she was, and why she
existed.
Collapsing upon her mattress, tears came unbidden to her red eyes,
those eyes that had scared so many people into rejecting her company.
She had thought these feelings were behind her, in the past. She had
thought the Commander had finally accepted her as... as.... as what? A
friend? A companion? A...daughter? She had been foolish, irrational
to believe such a thing.
Ayanami Rei...two words describing her existence, giving her physical
form a name. Two words, covering her true identity. Two words,
afterthoughts of the Commander's, to call her when needed. She hated
them, what they stood for, how they were used. Little children would
run from those two words, their parents looking another direction as
she passed. She was hated by some, disliked by the others. Only the
Commander ever smiled at her. Only he listened. Only he...cared? No.
She was his tool, his object, to be used at his leisure. He acted kind
only when it suited his purposes, yet she had blindly believed that he
truly cared. She hated life, hated the rejection of others. She hated
-him-. But, what was hate? An emotion? Others believed she had no
emotions. After all, how -could- a doll experience pain. Or love...
Emitting a soft moan, she buried her head in a pillow, wishing her life
was over. It would never end, she knew, until the Commander's plan was
complete. She was replaceable. A clone is always replaceable.
She caught her breath. She could be replaced, but would her clone
remember any of these feelings? All it would take is an accident, the
slip of knife, and she could be free. It would be easy. None but the
Commander might even notice the difference between her, and a clone.
Those that knew would not care.
Her thoughts decided, she stood up from the bed, and walked into the
small, dirty washroom. Above the sink hung her mirror, reflecting her
tear-streaked face, tangled hair, and red, wet eyes. With a cry, she
clentched her eyes shut and slammed her fist into the glass, breaking
it into large shards. Looking at her hand, she was surprised to see
that she had not been cut by the sharp edges, but dismissed the
thought. She picked up a long, thin piece of glass, and brought it to
her wrist. Biting her lip slightly, she brought it across her vein,
watching as her lifeblood slowly poured from the wound, onto the floor.
Repeating the action on her other arm, she let herself sink to the
floor. As she lay back, images flowed through her mind. Her childhood
of sorts, the Commander, Dr. Akagi, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki, Major
Katsuragi...Shinji Ikari. His face stood out over all the others, and
she suddenly became ashamed of her actions. Ikari had saved her. He
had been kind. He had understood, or seemed to. Could he have
actually...cared?
Her vision began to fade, but as it left, she pictured him coming into
the small room, taking her hands, holding her. She slumped against the
wall, whispering his name. "Shinji-kun..."
----------------------
Unbeknownst to the young, angst-ridden, blue-haired girl, Shinji was
truly there, carrying her frail body out of the apartment, and to the
hospital. Why he had felt compelled to visit her, in the middle of the
night, he hadn't understood. Now he knew.
------------------------------- Finis ---------------------------------
I've always felt sorry for Rei, not for who she is, but for being used
as a tool by the Commander. What if she felt the same way?
Anyway, the ending isn't the best (I'll try to fix it next time around), and
C&C -very-
welcome, as this is only the first draft. My email is
onfire_4jc@hotmail.com.
- David 'OnFire4jc' Perini