Hello all! ^_^
Hi! ^_^
Me, Latin_D, sending public C&C. Who would have thought it? ^_^
Well, people, the time has come: a new sequel for this wonderful series.
If you already are a Ronin Summer fan, then you'll be as ecstatic as I am.
However, if you still haven't read a single chapter, please, don't be
afraid. The 'Yoroiden Samurai Troopers' in the header can be pretty
intimidating, but it's worth it. ^_^
Well, it HAS been a while, hasn't it? I apologise for the delay, but I
suffered
from an insufferable case of weiter's block for the longest time...
Um... Maybe you suffered from 'weiter's block', but I can't believe you had
a writer's block. You're too good for that. ^_^
Anyways, as all of you should know by now, I live off of C&C, so send some
my way and let me know what you think! Even if it's just to say "hi". And
I
know, this is a bit shorter than usual. Due to technical circumstances
beyond my control, I have to keep these chapters just a smidgen briefer
than
usual if I want to send them. To compensate, this will be my longest story
arc yet.
I hope you'll live up to that promise.
BTW, if you want to know what you've missed, visit the RS' site at
http://dataraven_659.tripod.com/roninsummer.html or at
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Underworld/4709/roninsummer1.html . There's
a whole RS world out there; check it out!
And Morgan, you _really_ should say where people can find previous chapters.
Wow, I'm long-winded. Anyway, with all my usual blather out of the way,
we're off once again! ^_^
Finally!
Before anything else, I want to say that I found lots of formatting
glitches. Maybe you should send this as an attachment, as you used to.
All comments IMHO, so, if I say something you don't like, close your eyes
and shut down the PC.
-------------------------------------
OBLIGATORY LEGAL DISCLAIMER : None of these guys are mine. The Sailor
Senshi belong to DIC and Kodansha, while the Yoroiden are owned by
Sunrise and Graz Entertainment. Okay? So don't bother suing me. I'm a
student.
RONIN SUMMER : DARK CRUSADE
A Sailor Moon / Yoroiden Samurai Troopers cross-over
by Morgan Hudson (dataraven_659@excite.com)
Chapter One : Ill Winds
Loved the title.
A young man sat in meditation near a large crystal tube. The
tube itself was not spectacular, except for its size. The contents of
this tube, however, were another matter entirely.
She was tall, or at least she would have been if standing
under her own power.
Well, I don't think that has nothing to do with the fact that she's tall.
You _can_ be tall and not to be standing by your own, right?
As it was, she floated a few feet off of the
floor, a mass of golden hair bobbing about her head like a constantly
moving cloud. She was naked, with her arms crossed over her chest and
her eyes closed as though resting. In addition to this fine specimen
of the female species, the tube was filled with a thick blue gel that
occasionally bubbled and squelched to itself. Countless smaller tubes
ran under the woman's skin at her ankles, wrists, waist, thighs, and
stomach, hanging limp against her form like an exotic kind of dress.
Her lips were slightly parted, as if in sleep.
Okay, this image is... spooky. But, if the tubes run _under_ her skin, how
is that they look like a dress? Maybe there's something I am misinterpreting
here.
The man closed his own eyes, leaning forward and resting his
head against the cool exterior casing. So intent was he that he
completely overlooked the approach of a second form. The form in
question frowned slightly at this, and tapped his shoulder.
"Dearest brother," she sneered as the man slowly opened his
eyes, "we have arrived at our latest destination. Your siblings await
your order."
She sounds kinda like Kodachi. I hope this doesn't mean there will also be
Ranma elemnets in this one...^_^
"Thank you, Sister Holts." The man gathered his cape around him
and turned to face the small redhead. Her lower pair of eyes were as
calculating as ever, but the pair above them seemed to gleam with an
unusual delight. "Is there something you are not sharing with us,
Sister?"
Two pairs of eyes? Wow, she mustn't be a pleasant sight.
"Perhaps." Holts wrapped her arms around her black clad body,
black-clad?
the long and jointed spines that protuded from her spine folding around
her as she smirked triumphantly. "Vyne is preparing another coup, you
know. I was thinking this time I might let him."
"You shouldn't speak that way!" The man cast his eyes towards
the tube, where strange markings had appeared on the face of the
slumbering woman. "Now look what you've done : you've upset Mother.
You know how she gets when we fight."
What does she do? She shakes the tube? Or maybe she opens her eyes? ^_^
<SNIP>
"We are on a sacred mission, Holts!" The caped figure ran one
gauntlet through his short blond hair. Like his sister, his blue
eyes sparkled with a strange light, although he had only the one pair.
Drop the 'the'.
<SSSNIP>
"Huh?" A few feet behind him, a young girl with short blue
hair blinked and removed the headphones she had been wearing. "What'd
ya say, Spidey? I like, totally missed you on that one."
Spidey? BwaHAHAHAHAHAaaaaa... That was priceless
<SMALL SNIP>
Probably, Rajura thought as he tied his silver hair into a
ponytail and tried his best to look presentable, because those three
kept calling him 'Hugglebuns'. The memory of Naaza's desperate flight
from the castle, Storm Senshi hot on his heels, still made Rajura
fight back a chuckle. Although he'd have a devil of a time explaining
why the Masho of Poison wasn't on hand to welcome his Empress. Somehow
simply saying that the lad had given in to his impulses and fled to
Earth never crossed the older man's mind. The truth was never better
than Plan B, in Rajura's book. Usually Plan Z.
This comma isn't needed, I think. And, even when I understand what you
meants with 'Usually Plan Z', it seems somehow disconnected. You might want
to rephrase it.
**********
The large double doors swung inward with a flourish, and Rajura
entered with an exaggerated bow. "My Empress!" He cried jubilantly.
"You honour me with your presence. And I see you're wearing clothes, a
double honour..."
...though it would be even better if you were nude. ^_^
<IT'S A... SNIP!>
Kayura raised one eybrow. "I prefer oranges," she said simply.
eyebrow
<SNIP>
Takenoko blinked and glanced into the courtyard, where that
pesky human was entering the castle. To the general's surprise, he
seemed to merely melt through the wall, instead of using the door like
most people.
Not to say anything about that most people just _couldn't_ melt walls.
The minotaur rubbed his eyes and groaned. First thing
tomorrow, he decided, he was getting glasses.
...or binoculars.
**********
Rajura was right in the middle of a very entertaining story
about where Naaza was when a strange young man walked through the wall
Maybe it isn't needed, but I think that if you place a comma between 'was'
and 'when' the sentence would be cleaner.
and waved to him. The white haired man stopped in mid-sentence and
<YA KNOW>
"Free us?" Anubis glanced at Kayura and shifted his posture
into a combat ready stance. "Free us from what, exactly?"
combat-ready?
<TINY SNIP>
"You will." Pedri's face was stern now, the jovial personality
evaporating like mist in the summer sun. "And I assure you, mortal, I
shall personally deliver you to your own." With a flare of his cape,
the young man sank through the floor as if his body was made of liquid.
Ah, I see. He meant happiness in the afterlife.
<SSSSSNIP>
"Mother has decided we must proceed as planned. Initiate the
drain of her fluids and prepare our troops for infusion. Tell Erdge to
move
our
castle closer to their headquarters, and inform Thraw and Tytoung that we
will
be landing our army at their front gates."
Okay, here the formatting just went to hell.
He paused, and smiled as he gazed at the tube before him.
"We shall strike them tomorrow."
So Rajura was wrong, ne? Too bad.
Well, sorry for all the snips, but I couldn't find much to criticize--there
weren't almost errors, as usual. Characterization is simply great, and the
plot is more than interesting. Your knack for writing good, funny dialogue
is still alive and in good health, and the new characters got my attention.
Great work. Please, get to write next part--quickly.
And you, FFMLers; if you want high-quality fan fiction, read any of the
Ronin Summer story arcs. You won't be dissapointed.
Well, that's all. See ya,
Latin_D