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platypus3333
platypus3333@yahoo.com
members.tripod.com/Platypus3333
NETSCAPE COMPATIBLE SOON! I SWEAR!
PLEASE C&C
Every Tracks chatper that is a multiple of three will be a special; Tracks
Three will be out shortly.
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Tracks 4
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Track B
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"Hey, Shinji, what's up!" Touji slapped the other boy firmly on
the back (performing the universal male gesture of affection)
and collapsed into his chair, where he immediately slumped
down lazily, as befitted a student.
"H... Hi." Shinji made a nervous little wave.
The other boy ignored this and focused his eyes on some point in
the air. "Man... I can't believe I'm here this early."
"It's not that early..."
"Yeah, maybe for you it isn't. You have that wife of yours getting
you off your ass all the time." He yawned and blinked. "Have you
noticed that, besides her, only animals get up this early-GAH!"
Shinji watched Asuka walk away as Touji clutched his cheek. "Um...
wife?"
"Never mind."
He fought for words. "...So how have you been doing lately? Your arm okay?"
He poked it to make sure it was there. To his astonishment and surprise,
it was, indeed, there.
"What? Yeah, sure it is. Why wouldn't it be? Hey, back off!" Rubbing
his arm, Touji gave Shinji the look people generally reserve for madmen
and sexual deviants.
Shinji withdrew his finger from Touji's arm. "It doesn't look right."
He shrugged helplessly and smiled what he hoped was a reassuring
smile. It was anything but: he looked as if, any minute, he was
going to collapse out of a dangerously high inner level of
hallucinogens. "Just... a little joke."
"Man, you're screwed up. What, she hit you in the head too much?"
"No, nothing like that."
"Sure. Hey, you do the math homework?"
"Homework?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought." And then he began to sleep. Shinji looked
around for more stuff to confirm that the world existed. 'Someone isn't
here...' "Hey, where's Rei?"
Kensuke blinked. "Who?"
"Rei."
"Oh, the new girl, right?"
"Uh... right. Quiet... introspective..."
"No, no. Noisy, bitchy. Not introspective at all."
"...Are you sure?"
"Uh... yeah, I'm sure. She kicked you in the nuts last week, don't
you remember? You made this little squeaking sound and keeled
over."
"No."
"What a pity." His eyes glazed over. "Just once, I wish a girl
like that would order me around-"
"Shut up." He vaguely recalled why he hadn't been too sad when
Kensuke had left, then shook his head. He needed to focus.
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Station
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"Okay, son, you seem to be in fine health... with the exception
of your multiple fractures and dislocations, that is." The
platypus stared feebly up at the doctor.
"Urgh."
"We've contacted your friend, he's... well, he's staring at the
ceiling. Right outside this room, in fact. Want me to go get him?"
"NO! No." The platypus frowned slightly and waved the doctor to
the side. "Doctor... "
"Yes?"
"Kill... the boy outside this room."
"What?"
"He's the savior of the universe... but who gives a shit... kill
him! Kill him! KILL HIM!!!!" The platypus started struggling
to get up.
The doctor, a kindly old man who really didn't need this so late
in his life and so near his retirement, recoiled. "I... think
it's time for more morphine, son." He beckoned to two men
outside the room.
"No... no! Kill him! Pleeeeaaassseeee!" The platypus collapsed
into a stupor as the doctor removed the needle and trained
technicians applied leather straps to his appendages.
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Track A
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Rei frowned and wiped some sweat off her brow, wiping it
distractedly onto her skirt. "Sweet Jesus in a smoking birch
bark canoe. Please do not tell me you don't understand what
I'm saying."
Rei 2 took the moment to sort out the multiple negatives.
"Jesus?"
Rei 3 took the cue. "Who is he?"
Rei 4 continued. "Of what relevance is he to this...
dodgeball?"
Rei 2: "Why would he be in a burning canoe?"
Rei 4: "I believe he walks."
The three stood before a stone wall, bizarrely resembling
a line of suspects in a station. A few feet away was Rei,
hefting a large fruit. They stared at her. She glared back
angrily. "Never mind that! He's not important!" She ignored
their incredulous (but still dead silent and apathetic)
stares, and tried again. "See, I throw it at you, and you
try to get away. And if you catch it, you get to throw it
at me."
"What for?"
"It's a GAME. You have FUN." She looked at them with a hopeful
expression.
"Fun?"
"Counterproductive." The other two tilted their heads slightly
forward in agreement.
"Dammit! That's it! I give up!" Rei threw the fruit to the
ground in frustration. "How the hell can you stand it!" She
waved her arms in the air, making what she believed to be
threatening gestures. "I mean, shit! You just stare at
everything all day! What in hell is the problem with you
people?"
They stared at her.
She continued. "You don't even understand baseball, for God's
sake! You can't get simpler than that! And don't even get me
started on soccer, football, and dodgeball! I can't believe
you LIVE like this!"
They stared at her.
She started walking around in little aimless circles. "And
ANOTHER thing! We all look alike! What's up with that! I mean...
damn! That's screwed up!" Rei paused to look at them pleadingly
for an answer, or even an indication that they were listening
to her.
They stared at her.
She dropped to the ground in disgust, her skirt scattering some
sand into the air. "Jeez." She watched the tides, unwilling look
at them.
Their heads shifting slightly, they then stared at a point above
her head and held their position. After a few seconds of
contemplation, she followed suit. Her eyes widened.
"Holy shit!"
She blacked out as another Rei fell out of a little hole in space,
their heads colliding with a disturbing "thunk."
The new Rei, having been protected with a handy AT Field, sat on
her duplicate's comatose body and blinked. She looked around, and
saw the other three. She tilted her head curiously. "You are like
me." They nodded, then started staring at the prone form of the
abnormal Rei.
Were Shinji present, he would probably have taken the time to
ponder the irony of the situation. Alas, it was not so, and any
Rei with emotions was inevitably to be seen as a freak of nature.
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Track C
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Shinji struggled along as Asuka seemed to make every possible attempt
to interfere with his climb up the stairs. The other Asuka was
behind him to ensure he wasn't peeking at the first one. It all
seemed very complicated to the poor boy, but then, this was true
of everything else: as a result, he didn't complain.
The two girls had left his father a wreck of a man, a vast collection
of Yui memorabilia destroyed by "accident." Somehow, Asukas'
disturbing snickering led to another conclusion that was somewhat
different. This penchant for mass destruction, along with their
noticeably aggressive way of life, threatened to shatter his sanity
into many little pieces... if he survived that long, of course.
He made an attempt at engendering pity: "Urgh."
"Stop whining, Shinji!"
"..." He wasn't sure which one had said that. Did it even matter anymore?
He trudged on.
"Damn, Shinji, you think you could move a little bit faster? I mean, I know
you don't exercise and all, but this is getting nuts!"
"Sorry."
"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THAT??!"
"..." Obviously, he was learning (bringing a sad end to one of the oldest
Evangelion fan fiction gags.)
"Excellent..." At the top of the stairs, Asuka moved out of the
way as Asuka shoved Shinji onto the platform.
"Man, Shinji, your Eva is sad. Why can't we use mine again?"
"Cause Shinji's boyfriend trashed it."
"He wasn't my boyfriend!"
"Sure, sure."
"Ugh... just look at the purple and green paint job... like some
preschooler's toy..."
"My mother likes purple and green!"
"You mean liked."
Shinji paused for a minute. "Yes, um. Right." He wondered briefly
what evils he had done in a past life to have been placed in
this situation. Then he stared at the imposing bulk of his Eva.
As he watched one eye darkened, instantaneously becoming a pitch
black, and lit up again just as quickly. The Eva winked at him
again, with the same eye. The boy blinked, then screamed.
A common misconception garnered from observing Shinji's life in
Evangelion is that it is a bad thing to run away from your problems.
People seem to believe that "don't run away" is a catchphrase to
be respected and a rule to be followed throughout life. In actuality,
after careful consideration and observation, he has discovered
exactly the opposite to be true. To his chagrin, not running away
has led to a descent into madness, a climb back out, and almost
suffering painful deaths at the hand of extra-dimensional
beings on numerous occasions along the way. His new life rule
was, almost predictably, "please run away... running away is
good." Yes, he had eventually ended up stranded on an island
with a hot red-head, and yes, they had spent the majority of
the time making out. But... where was he now?
If he had it his way, not within 6000 miles of an Evangelion. So it
goes without saying that after he screamed, he spun and began sprinting
down several dozen flights of stairs.
The two girls with him were, understandably, slightly surprised. "HEY!
Where the hell do you think you're going, you baka??!"
"He's trying to get away!"
"What?"
"He's trying to get away!"
"Bugger that!"
They, too, turned and began sprinting down the stairs. However, the
significant obstacle in their path was that their goal was slightly
harder to obtain than his. While his was to get as far away as
possible, theirs was to make sure that he didn't. And when you
have either been lying in bed for a month or have recently been
brought back to life with bandaged injuries covering the majority
of your body, you generally have problems catching a guy who spends
his life struggling not to run away and often failing. One can
observe these problems clearly through a close examination of the
events to come.
"HEY, SHINJI! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOW! OR I'LL... huff ... KICK IT...
huff... damn, I gotta get more exercise... INTO THE STRATOSPHERE!"
"YEAH! YOU... ow... STOP RUNNING RIGHT THIS... huff... I think my
leg is giving way... MINUTE! OR YOU WON'T GET ANY!"
"UH... RIGHT! DAMN STRAIGHT!"
"AND... huff... NOT JUST FROM US, EITHER!"
"WE GOT THE KNIFE RIGHT HERE, BAKA!"
These threats did not have the intended effect. He was supposed to
skid to a stop and apologize to them. What he WASN'T supposed to do
was scream in terror and, if it was possible, accelerate.
The two girls gradually slowed down and eventually came to a complete
stop, leaning against the steel railing for support. "Daaaamn... huff
... puff... but that boy can run... I never knew that..."
"Stupid... baka... hack... Shinji... I'll kill you..."
"Yeah... once I catch you..."
Both silently cursing spineless wimps and all like them, they were
completely open for the brilliant flash of inspiration that struck
them both. Nodding to each other determinedly, they wiped some sweat
off their foreheads and went for the nearest elevator.
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Track B
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"And so, given your physical attributes, incredible amount of free
time, and penchant for quick escape, I think-" The guidance
counselor glanced at the boy from under her glasses and brushed
a strand of bleached blonde hair out of the way, grinning in a
disconcertingly sadistic manner. "I think that you would make
a fine addition to the track team."
"Erg?" Shinji squirmed in his disturbingly uncomfortable wooden chair.
"Erg." 'Damn. No one told me about this. Track? What the hell is track?'
"Track?"
She gave him a look which, while trained over the years to be kind
and benevolent, also conveyed the sense that he was an idiotic insect
whose life was only fit to be manipulated. "You don't know what
track is?"
"No." 'Best to be honest,' he thought to himself. 'Maybe it's a new
fad or something.'
She leaned forward in her chair, pushing up her glasses with a single
hand and staring at him. "You run races against other people, or
throw objects as far as you can."
"Oh." 'That's it?' "Why?"
She gave him that look again. "Why? It's called a sport, boy. Do you
know what that is?"
'Sport... sport. Right. Touji plays basketball. Or at least he did
before- no, wait, that never happened, right? That never happened.
Running is a sport? Hell, that's great. I spend my life running.'
"Yes."
"Then stop asking those stupid questions." She leaned back and
stuck the eraser of her pencil in her mouth. "So... am I to take
it that you want to be signed up?"
"Um."
"Excellent!" She withdrew the pencil from her mouth and made some
little squiggles on the piece of paper on her desk. "I'll tell
the coach to expect you tomorrow. He'll be so proud."
"Right." He looked at the clock. "Can I... go now? I have an
appointment to keep."
"Hrm. I suppose so." She turned and started to look busy on her
computer.
"Thanks... er... Ms. Akagi." Shinji took this time to bolt out the
door, slamming it shut on the way. 'That was horrible. The way she
looked at me... like I was an insect. ...Dear God...'
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Station
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"Well. How are you?" Shinji wheeled the Platypus along in a chair.
"GLk."
"That's okay. I understand that you got shot full of drugs."
"Glk."
"So... um. Do you know when I'll get back home?"
"Glark."
"I kind of miss Mom...and Dad, I guess... and Kensuke and Touji and
all those guys. And Asuka. But she doesn't have to know that. Right?"
He paused, waiting for the response. It didn't sound like it would
be coming any time soon. "Right. Right."
"Gk." The platypus stared in wonder at the numerous oxygen atoms
clouding his vision. 'What a world,' he thought to himself in awe.
'What a world!'
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Track A
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Four Rei's stood silently in a circle around the fifth, who was
currently in a state people generally label as "unconscious due
to bludgeoning by heavy object." It wasn't as if they had anything
better to do, really. The fact of it was, they all thought alike,
looked alike, and were most probably the exact same person multiplied
by four. They understood each other: namely, the overwhelming feeling
that people should just shut the hell up and let them stare into
space peacefully. But the fifth... the one with the skirt... SHE
they didn't understand. She looked like them, certainly. But she
wasn't them. Actually, she was. But then, she wasn't. She was
them but wasn't them. Forget the last few sentences, they'll
only confuse you.
Quite simply, they didn't understand her. The general (unspoken but
assumed) consensus among them was that this Rei had suffered from a
defect of some sort when she was produced, leading to her astounding
range of emotions. They stared at her some more. It was interesting,
the Reis noted to themselves, how many people were defective in
this way. And she thought that Jesus rode a burning canoe. She,
they observed, was clearly mentally deficient.
But what to do? They exchanged glances in a counterclockwise
direction.
What to do?
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Track C
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Three Children sat on the platform overlooking Unit 01. Their hair
was slightly burnt, and the general area smelled like... well, it
smelled vaguely like Hannibal's barbecue. They stared at the
smoking remains of Eva-01's head. Finally, one spoke. "You
idiot."
"Me?" The boy between them twitched to himself nervously. He had
been halfway to the exit when an slender pale arm had whipped out
from a side corridor and grabbed him, quite forcefully, by the neck.
He regretted lacking the adrenaline to move faster. "What did I do?"
"No, not you. HER." She glared daggers at the other girl, who glanced
at her, then responded to the challenge.
"Me? What the hell did I do?"
"Uh... can't we all just get alon--"
"NO," they both said.
"Right, that's great." He shrunk back slightly, leaning back to
allow the two girls interference-free access to each other's necks.
"Carry on."
They stood up at the same time and waved their left index fingers
at each other. Asuka- the one he was fairly sure he had been
stranded with- started. "Listen here, dummkopf, you screwed up
big time."
Asuka started angrily. "ME??! The hell I did! You're the one who
didn't-" She cut off abruptly to grab the other girl's finger.
"Don't point at me!"
"Yeah? Well you know what you can do with YOUR finger!"
"No, in fact I don't! Why don't you enlighten me!" There was a
dangerous gleam in her eyes.
"Erg." Shinji shrunk into, if it was even possible, an even
smaller ball of hair and survival reflex. 'This isn't going
well,' he thought. 'No, not well at all.' "We can try
negotiation-"
"You shut up."
"What? Don't tell him to shut up! You shut up!" Asuka ignored
the fact that she had been thinking the same thing.
"The hell with that!" She swung.
Shinji cringed to himself and tried to think happy thoughts.
Namely, thoughts of his eventual escape and new life as a
(key word coming) LONELY hermit in central Australia.
And then they both changed.
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Track Switch
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Let's skip all that weird stuff with inverted diamonds and
honey, shall we? Needless to say, the three girls (which
were, again, pretty much the same person, give or take
several traumatizing life experiences) sped towards each
other and collided at the speed of the average light beam.
"Ow!"
"Dummkopf! Watch where the hell you're going!"
"Mein Gott!"
-And two sped off to their respective destinations, each
coincidentally heading off where the other had started off in
the first place. Along the way, a fourth beam of light bounced
off the third and sent it reeling.
If you didn't follow that, that's perfectly okay and acceptable.
You really weren't expected to.
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Track B
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"Er." Frowning, he made a small wave. "Hi."
Inside, Shinji screamed like a damned soul as he suffered the
strange hell known to men (at least nervous, reflexively
paranoid men) as "scrutiny by (would-be) girlfriend's family."
He was vaguely aware that weren't supposed to be strangers;
they had known him his entire life. Or, at least they had
known the guy who looked like him. 'Ah, something like that.
Who are these people? I didn't know Asuka had parents.'
Unbeknownst to him, neither did Asuka.
The girl was confused. She had been about to hurt herself
several minutes ago, and Shinji had been cowering in the
background. All of a sudden, she didn't see herself, Shinji
was right next to her, and she was standing outside in the cold.
"Uh? Ah!"
"Asuka, come on. I'm not used to this..." He tugged on her shirt,
then noticed that she was in hospital garb. He twitched to himself
when he realized that he recognized said hospital garb... in a special
way. Shinji began backing away.
She blinked. 'When in doubt, grab Shinji.' "Ah! You moron! What did
you do this time!" She started shaking him. By his neck.
"Gah..." The boy's face started going several interesting shades
of green.
Kyoko Zepplin, far from deceased and/or insane, watched as her
daughter (dressed in some disturbingly scandalous clothing)
throttled her childhood friend. "As...uka?"
The girl paused for a while without loosening her grip. "...Yeah?"
"Could you put Shinji down? Dinner's almost ready, and I need you
to set the table. And... uh... change your clothes." The woman
shifted uncomfortably. "Your father won't like you going out
like that-"
Asuka snorted. "My father? That stupid cheating bas-"
"Asuka!"
"Listen, who the hell are you to-" To Shinji's surprise (or at
least what surprise he was capable of in his less-than conscious
state), Asuka finally turned to regard the woman closely. Then
she blushed, gave a short gasp, and dropped him to the ground
with the manner of a girl staring at someone she had last
seen hanging from a ceiling. Clasping her hands behind her
back, she stared at her mother. "Ma... ma?"
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Track A
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Asuka slowly blinked her eyes open, and stared straight up at
the strange sky. "Oh, so I'm back here again, huh?" she asked
no one in particular. Yes, it was all there. The beach... the
sound of the waves... the only thing missing was that idiot
Shinji- She looked around and caught sight of the four pairs
of pale white feet arranged in a circle around her. Slowly
looking up, she traced the path of one of their bodies until...
she saw... that blue hair...
She looked around. That confirmed her worse, deepest fears.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! OH MY
GOD! OH MY GOD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AH ! AAAAAAH!"
The four Rei's blinked as one. They knew this girl... only too well.
The other Rei had been tolerable... but this... THIS! If their eyes
weren't lying to them (a possibility which was entirely likely),
then lying on the ground screaming hysterically was-
"Sohryu," they all said at once, and exchanged slightly sympathetic
glances with each other.
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Track C
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Shinji slowly opened his eyes. Lying... unconscious... on the ground
... "Asuka? Is that... Ayanami? Why are you in school clothes?" He
scrambled to his feet. "Uh. Guys? You're not going to... kill each
other, are you?"
There was no response. But, really, it wasn't as if he had expected
any.
Words cannot describe the raw joy Shinji Ikari felt at the sight of
these two girls, dressed normally, and (this was the best part) not
yelling at him nor each other. Life... life was finally good. He sat
down and leaned against the wall. There was something wrong with
this situation, though. Something horribly wrong, but he really couldn't
think of it. 'The next time some chick pops out of thin air, I run.'
This, as astute readers may note, was not actually the problem. Far
from it. But Shinji had a way of thinking that defied conventional
logic. This usually happens to people who get traumatized every
five minutes.
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Station
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The platypus had regained consciousness several minutes ago.
Even better, his homicidal tendencies had been replaced by a
habit of blinking and twitching a lot. Can it get any better?
Shinji, on the other hand, had tried to call his house on the
telephone half an hour earlier. He had gotten a strip club in
Vermont. It could, for him, get much better.