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                       "The Replacement Ranmas"
                           by Angus MacSpon
                          macspon@ihug.co.nz
          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/fanfic/index.html

                              Part Seven

             WARNING: This part contains SPOILERS for the
                      movie "End of Evangelion."

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  [[-- Quick Cast Summary --- See end of story for full details --]]
Ranma ..... Tenchi Masaki / Shayla-Shayla               Mara .... Kasumi
Akane ..... Asuka Langly Soryu                 Nanami Jinnai .... Nabiki
Genma ..... Kaji Ryoji / Pen-Pen                 Makoto Kino ...... Ukyo
Soun ...... Yosho                          Nuku-Nuku / Merle ... Shampoo
Ryoga ..... Tamahome                            Setsuna Meiou ... Nodoka
------------------------------------------------------------------------


[Early morning in the Tendo home.  TENCHI, ASUKA and KAJI are eating
breakfast, and listening to the radio.  They seem rather subdued.  In
the background, SETSUNA is sitting on the floor next to a large bowl of
carrots.  She is cleaning herself with her tongue.  The others are
trying not to notice.]

RADIO ANNOUNCER:  -- bizarre creature climbed half-way up the Tokyo
Tower, before suddenly being attacked and driven off by an enormous
scarlet robot of unknown origins.

KAJI:  Nice work, Akane.

ASUKA [smug]:  Thanks.

TENCHI:  Did anyone find out what happened to Lum?

RADIO:  In unrelated news, an alien race of oni are suing the Japanese
government for ninety-three quadrillion yen for improper pet control.

ASUKA:  Er -- let's see, in deutschmarks that would be --

RADIO:  The Prime Minister has made a counter-offer of the entire
world's oil supply, but the aliens reportedly laughed and said, "That
would barely cover the taxi fare home."

SETSUNA:  Miya.

TENCHI [sighs]:  Can't we do anything about her?

KAJI:  I'm open to suggestions.  Anyway, if I were you I'd be worrying
about what she's going to do _to_ you if you get her back to normal.

TENCHI [panic]:  Me?  But -- but -- it wasn't me, it was Shampoo who
hypnotised her into thinking she's a cabbit!

ASUKA:  And who filled her carrot bowl this morning?  Hmm?

TENCHI:  I'm doomed.

ASUKA:  I wonder how it feels to have a Time Staff rammed up your --

TENCHI:  Let's ... not go there.

ASUKA:  Hah!  You _wish_!

[YOSHO wanders in, still in his Soun-lookalike wig and false moustache.
He is browsing through a SCRIPT.]

KAJI:  Ah, good morning, Tendo!

YOSHO:  Mm-hmm.

KAJI:  Anything interesting in today's script?

YOSHO:  [Leafs quickly through the pages]  Not much.  It's supposed to
be the beginning of the Killer Fungi from Yuggoth storyline, that's all.

KAJI:  Oh, good, I've been looking forward to that one.

YOSHO:  [Does a double-take, and checks his script again.]  Really?

KAJI:  No.

YOSHO:  AUGGHHH!!  Touche.

KAJI:  Heh.  So what's _really_ in the script for today?

YOSHO:  A little martial arts, a little verbal abuse.  You know how it
goes.  Later on, apparently, we're going to be doing our first crossover
story.

KAJI:  Really?  With what series?

YOSHO:  'Tenchi Muyo.'

KAJI:  Er, what?

[Pause.  Everyone stares at YOSHO.]

TENCHI:  That's ... going to be a little weird.

ASUKA:  Who do you think they'll get to play Tenchi?

TENCHI:  As long as it isn't Ranma Saotome.  There's only so much irony
I can take.



[The Nekohanten.  GOURRY is cooking breakfast.  He is wearing thick
glasses, but cannot seem to see a thing in them.  Occasionally, he takes
them off to sneak a peek at what he is doing.  He hunts through his
robes, pulling out a baseball mitt, a small toy piano, a doghouse, a
half-eaten kite, and finally a large rubber chicken.  The chicken is
full of slightly odd-looking eggs.  He shrugs, and puts them on to
boil.]

[In the dining room, CHERRY and NUKU-NUKU are sitting at the table.
NUKU-NUKU is looking rather sulky.]

NUKU-NUKU:  Shnuku-nuku wants to cook.

CHERRY:  Now, now.  He did volunteer.

NUKU-NUKU:  Yes.  That scares Shnuku-nuku a little bit.  At least
Shnuku-nuku _can_ cook.

CHERRY:  Er.  He did say he's cooked over a camp-fire quite often.

[They exchange glances.]

CHERRY:  Umm, Mousse, how are you doing in there?

[In the kitchen, GOURRY examines the pot of eggs.  They seem to be
hissing.  He scratches his head.]

GOURRY:  Err, fine?  Fine!

[Back in the dining room.]

CHERRY [to NUKU-NUKU]:  Anyway, I wouldn't worry about that if I were
you.  I'd worry about what Setsuna's going to do when she comes back to
normal.

NUKU-NUKU [hopefully]:  She's going to want to play with Shnuku-nuku?

CHERRY:  In a very broad sense, play, yes.

NUKU-NUKU:  Umm, Shnuku-nuku thinks that perhaps she doesn't want to
play after all.

CHERRY:  I wonder how it feels to have a Time Staff rammed up your --

[Cut to the kitchen.  GOURRY checks the eggs, pours off the boiling
water, and carries them through into the next room.  NUKU-NUKU looks
relieved at the interruption.  He puts them on the table in front of the
other two, who help themselves.]

GOURRY:  Oh, wait, I forgot the salt.

[He goes back into the kitchen.  Suddenly, from the next room, we hear
two loud explosions.  GOURRY hurries back through, to find CHERRY and
NUKU-NUKU sitting there, blackened and stunned, smoke rising from them.
In front of each is a half-eaten egg, also smoking.  He stares,
horrified, and begins to look around for whoever's done this vile deed.
Nobody else is in sight.  Slowly his gaze returns to the eggs.  There is
still one left.  He picks it up cautiously, and listens to it.  It seems
to be sizzling a little.  He scratches his head, then quickly checks
under the table to make sure there are no hidden enemies.  There aren't.
He scratches his head again, puzzled, and absently raises the egg to his
mouth to take a bite ...]



[A country road.  A bus drives past, heading in the direction of Tokyo.
From inside, we can faintly hear the sound of voices raised in amiable
bickering.  Suddenly we hear a voice raised in outrage.]

VOICE:  He got WHO to do WHAT?!

[The voices fall to a low murmur.  Then, suddenly:]

VOICE:  Driver!  Full speed ahead, NOW!

[The bus races down the road at a reckless pace.]



[The Tendo home.  YOSHO and KAJI are sitting at the table, picking over
the remains of breakfast.  TENCHI and ASUKA are leaving for school.
MARA hands them bento boxes, which smoke slightly.  They take them with
fixed grins.]

ASUKA [clenched teeth]:  Thank you, oneechan.

TENCHI [clenched teeth]:  Thank you, Kasumi.

MARA [smirking]:  Oh, my.  You're welcome.

SHAYLA:  Ahem.  Where's mine?

[The other three react, shocked.  SHAYLA stomps up, looking bad-
tempered, and holds out a hand for a bento box.]

TENCHI:  W--wait a minute!  You can't be here!  Nobody splashed me!

SHAYLA [sullen]:  Are we going to have to have this argument _again_,
after last episode?

ASUKA:  Oh, come on.  You aren't appearing in the story _that_ little.
I mean, think of Merle!  She's only appeared _once_!

SHAYLA:  That's because Merle's been secretly having an off-camera
affair with Yosho behind all your backs.

ASUKA:  And _she_ doesn't complai-- er, what?

MARA:  She _what_?

TENCHI:  Ojiisan!

YOSHO:  Err ...  [Laughs nervously]  I told you.  It's the long hair,
when I drop my illusion.  It drives them wild.

ASUKA:  [Sniffs] Really!  [Sudden thought]  Hey, I wonder how Kaji would
look with long hair?

KAJI [pained]:  Let's ... not go there.

SHAYLA:  Look, let's get going, huh?  [She snatches TENCHI's bento box
and stalks out.]

TENCHI:  Hey!  Oh, _fine_.  Be that way.  [He snatches ASUKA's bento
box and stalks out after SHAYLA.]

ASUKA:  Hey!  Wait a minute, what am I supposed to --  [Suddenly she
remembers who made the bento boxes.]  On second thought, never mind.
[Smirking, she follows after the others.]

YOSHO:  [Sighs with relief]  Alone at last.

KAJI:  Indeed, Tendo.

[YOSHO looks at him, and sighs again.]

YOSHO:  Indeed, Saotome.

KAJI [smirking]:  _Merle_, Tendo?

YOSHO:  [Coughs]  My, I wonder what's on TV?  [He switches the set on.]

TV:  ... Traditional family restaurant!  That's right, visit "Ken's
House of Natto!"  Fun for all the family!  And don't forget our special:
all this week, double helpings for the same low price --

YOSHO:  [Turns the TV off.]  I see.  [He sighs yet again, and indicates
the shogi board.]  Fancy a game?

KAJI:  Let's try something different, for a change.  [He pulls out a
large box.]  How about Twister?



[Ucchan's.  The word "okonomiyaki" on the banner over the door has been
crossed out, and "chocolate cake" has been written in its place.  There
is a long line of customers leading up to the door.]

[Inside, MAKOTO is busy serving.  She is _still_ dressed in a tuxedo,
top hat and mask.]

CUSTOMER:  One special, please.

MAKOTO:  Okay, that's one super ultra-rich extra-large maximum-calorie
triple-layer devil's-food cake with quadruple frosting, whipped cream,
nuts and cherries.  That comes with complimentary plate, fork, napkin
and quintuple-strength antacid.

CUSTOMER:  Hmm, better make that three, please.

MAKOTO:  Three cakes, or three antacids?

CUSTOMER:  Um.  Both.

MAKOTO:  Here you go, sugar.  Wait a minute, 'sugar'?  I really call
people that?  [She leafs through a script.]  Wow, what do you know?  I
wonder what I call people I _really_ like?  'Honey-dew melon?'

CUSTOMER:  Hey, isn't today a school day?

MAKOTO:  In this series, you think anyone's going to notice?

[The CUSTOMER leaves, clutching his cakes.  The next customer steps
forward.]

CUSTOMER 2:  Thirty-five specials, please.

MAKOTO:  Geez, what is _with_ this neighbourhood?  Ramen and okonomiyaki
joints all over the place, but you make one little chocolate cake and
suddenly everyone goes nuts ...



[A street in suburban Tokyo.  A bus races past, still driving at high
speed.  We can hear voices from inside:]

VOICE:  Who does he think he is?  He can't get away with this!

VOICE 2:  Not just him!  The whole lot of them!  Just wait till I get my
hands on --

VOICE 3:  This insult to whole Amazon tribe!

VOICE 4:  You said it, sugar!



[Furinkan High School.  Students are filtering in through the gates.
Most of them are girls.  All is peaceful and idyllic.  Off to one side,
a gawky-looking boy with a pair of candles tied to his head is nailing a
small voodoo doll to a tree.]

HIROSHI KARIGARI:  That fool Saotome!  That fool Saotome ...!

[Inside, in room 1-F, AZUSA is calling the roll.]

AZUSA:  Ukyo Kuonji?

[Silence.]

AZUSA:  Hmm, a delinquent.  Ranma Saotome?

TENCHI:  Here.

SHAYLA:  Here.

[They glare at each other.]

AZUSA:  What?

ASUKA:  Oh, for heaven's sake.

[She produces a bucket of cold water and pours it over TENCHI's head.
Then she pours a thermos of hot water over SHAYLA's head.]

ASUKA:  There.  Now what are you going to do about _that_?

[TENCHI and SHAYLA get up, swap desks, and glare at each other again.]

ASUKA:  Oh, please ...

SHAYLA:  Well, I'm just sick of playing second fiddle to Mr "I-was-the-
star-of-THREE-movies-and-you're-just-a-Ryoko-wannabe" here.

AZUSA:  I wonder if being present twice at once makes you a _reverse_
delinquent?  Hmm.

KAGOME:  Hey, Akane, I saw you fighting that big thing on the Tokyo
Tower.  Nice robot.

ASUKA:  Oh, thanks --

NOA:  Humph.  My Alphonse could take out your EVA any day.

ASUKA:  WHAT?!

NOA:  At least I can go for moe than five minutes without a giant
extension cord.

ASUKA:  ARGH!  YOU WANNA STEP OUTSIDE?

TENCHI:  Umm, girls ...

AZUSA:  [Clears throat loudly]  Settle down, please, or do I need to
remind you who's the teacher here?

ASUKA:  But she said --

AZUSA:  _And_ what I can do with this, er ...  [She produces the Spear
of Fuma]  ... five-yen coin?

[Silence.  All the students have suspiciously straight faces.]

AZUSA:  Thank you.  Now, where we yesterday?  [She pulls out a textbook]
Oh, yes.  'In the last year of the twentieth century, a giant meteorite
struck the continent of Antarctica, melting the ice cap and flooding
much of the world --'

ASUKA [sotto voce]:  Great, I can't even get away from this stupid
lecture _here_.



[The fanfic control room.  HIROSHI and DAISUKE are sitting in front of a
bank of monitor screens, several of them marked 'Property of NERV'.  One
of them shows the Tendo home, where Yosho, Kaji and, yes, Merle are
playing Twister.  (All three are cheating, surreptitiously trying to
tickle each other at inconvenient moments.)  Another one shows Tamahome,
who has managed to get 'lost' aboard the University Satellite, and is
being mobbed by female athletes.]

[A third monitor shows a bus hurtling down a busy street.  HIROSHI and
DAISUKE are paying no attention, however.]

DAISUKE:  How can you have a crossover with 'Tenchi Muyo' when the main
character is already _here_, playing Ranma?

HIROSHI:  Okay, so that's going to be a little bit tricky.  But I've got
some more substitutes lined up --

DAISUKE:  [Groans]

HIROSHI:  I'm telling you, it'll be great!  The girls are keen to give
it a try!

DAISUKE:  They are?  Ryoko and Ayeka?

HIROSHI:  Quite, er, insistent, actually.

DAISUKE:  ... Are they threatening you?

HIROSHI [nervously]:  'Threatening' is such a strong word.

DAISUKE:  They're still looking for Tenchi, aren't they?

HIROSHI:  No.  Definitely not.  Ha ha!  What gives you such a crazy
idea?  Ha ha ha!

[The AUTHOR wanders in.  He is wearing an Australian leather bush hat
and totally failing to look cool.]

MacSPON:  Hi, guys, what's up?

HIROSHI:  [Abject grovelling at his feet]  Oh, _please_, you've got to
protect me!  You don't know what they said they'd do to me!  I'll do
anything!  Anything!  Pllleeeaasssseeeee!

MacSPON [to nobody in particular]:  If you think I didn't enjoy writing
that line, you're nuts.

HIROSHI:  That Ryoko!  She was the worst!  And Ayeka, she was the worst
too!  And Mihoshi was ... was not very nice at all.  And Washu had this
big mechanical _thing_ and she got this look in her eye and she said ...
she said ...  [Shudders.]  And Sasami ... I don't even want to _think_
about Sasami.  Brrr.

DAISUKE:  Okay, okay.  We'll do the Tenchi crossover.

HIROSHI:  It can work!  I know it can work!  We'll just get another
substitute to play Tenchi!  Otaru and Parn both said they'd do it!

MacSPON:  Uh, guys --

HIROSHI:  And Kotetsu said she'd take on Yosho.  Though I might have
misunderstood that part.

MacSPON:  Guys ...

HIROSHI:  We might have a little trouble between Setsuna and Ryo-ohki,
but that's --

MacSPON:  What's all this about a Tenchi crossover?  I don't remember
anything about a crossover in the script.

DAISUKE:  Script?  [He laughs nervously.]

HIROSHI:  Script?  [He laughs strangely.]  Oh, right, the script.

DAISUKE:  We've been treating the script as more of a sort of guideline,
actually.

HIROSHI:  To be precise: wishful thinking.

MacSPON:  So, when I told you two to start setting up for one of the
big storylines ...?

HIROSHI:  Well, we, er, couldn't decide, so instead we thought we'd --

MacSPON:  Couldn't decide?

HIROSHI:  Well, I wanted to do the Mount Phoenix story, but Daisuke
wanted to do the Herb one.

DAISUKE:  I did not.  All right, I did.

HIROSHI:  Anyway, either way there are problems.

MacSPON:  Oh?

DAISUKE:  Well, we were trying to think who to get to play the Musk
Dynasty guys.  Kenshiro, General Bison and Tetsuo all said they'd do it,
but then they got into this big argument about who got to play Herb --

MacSPON:  What?  _Those_ three got in an argument?  [He looks around
nervously]  Er, where did they --

HIROSHI:  Ah-heh.  We sent them to an abandoned quarry three hundred
kilometres outside Tokyo and told them to work it out between them.

DAISUKE:  Where there's going to be an unscheduled test of the SOL
satellite laser cannon in ... five ... four ... three ... two ...

MacSPON:  Well, all right.  Okay, what about the Mount Phoenix idea?

HIROSHI:  Er, well, we're having a bit of trouble trying to get someone
to play Kiima --

DAISUKE [pulls open a nearby door and shouts]:  How are you going in
there?

SAYURI [off]:  No luck!

YUKA [off]:  See for yourself.

[SAYURI and YUKA enter, pulling a third girl behind them.  All three
look hot and tired.]

MacSPON:  So what's the problem?

YUKA:  [Holds up an elaborate pair of false wings]  How are we supposed
to attach these to her?

SAYURI:  Rivets?

YUI HONGO:  I don't _think_ so.

YUKA:  Well, I thought if we --

MacSPON:  Yui-chan!  How did you get roped into this?  [He leers at
her.]  Do you come here often?

[YUI lets him have it with a jump-kick that catches him squarely in the
jaw.  He reels back, stunned.  His hat flies off, and DAISUKE
thoughtfully steals it.]

MacSPON [rubbing his jaw]:  Owww.  So that's what revengefics are like.
Have you been taking lessons from Tamahome, or something?

YUI:  Maybe.  Any more clever remarks you'd like to make?

MacSPON:  [Nervously] Um, not right now, thanks.  Owww.  What happened
to my hat?  [He gets up.]  Wait, I've got an idea.  If we go with the
Musk Dynasty story, and you play Herb-chan --

DAISUKE:  Uh-oh.

MacSPON:  Eh?  No, really, she'd be --

SAYURI:  Uh-oh.

MacSPON:  What is it?!

YUKA:  Uh-oh.  Take a look at that monitor there --

MacSPON:  Eh?

[They all cluster around the monitor.  It shows a bus screeching to a
halt just outside the control room.  As the doors open, a group of very
familiar characters climb out.]

MacSPON:  Uh-oh.

AKANE [over monitor]:  Honestly!  We go away for a few days and some
two-bit wannabe writer thinks he can just --

RANMA [over monitor, cracking knuckles]:  He's inside here, right?

RYOGA [over monitor, chuckling evilly]:  Ready or not, Mr MacSpoon.
Ready or not.

MacSPON [blind panic]:  Auggh!  What are they doing here?!  They weren't
supposed to be back for weeks yet!  How -- how did they _find_ me?!

YUI [over walkie-talkie]:  That's right, up on the second floor.
You can't miss it.

MacSPON:  And, dammit, why does everyone always say 'MacSpoon'?  [He
does a sudden double-take.]  Yui, _you_?

YUI:  You were wrong, before.

MacSPON:  Uhh, I was?

YUI [smiling satanically]:  _This_, MacSpon-san, is what revengefics are
like.

[There is an ominous knock on the door.]



[The Tendo home.  A "Twister" set is scattered across the floor.  YOSHO,
KAJI and MERLE are rushing in and out of the living room.  They carry
suitcases, and are frantically loading belongings into them.]

YOSHO:  Have you got everything?

KAJI:  Just about, Tendo.

YOSHO:  It's all right, you can say 'Yosho' now.  Which reminds me --
[He pulls off his wig and false moustache.]  Ohh.  That's better.

MERLE [picking up items and packing them away]:  Let's see, I'm taking
that, and that, and that ...

KAJI:  Umm, Merle, you're only supposed to pack your _own_ belongings.
Not the Tendos' real stuff.

MERLE:  You do it your way, and I'll do it mine.

YOSHO:  Lucky you had the control room bugged, Kaji, so we got some
warning.

KAJI:  Well, I _am_ a spy.

[MARA hurries in.  She is now dressed in her normal demon garb.]

MARA:  Aren't you morons packed _yet_?  Actually, I've been thinking I
might stay on here for a while.  You know, stir up a little trouble ...

KAJI:  You do what you like.  Right, that's got everything, I'm heading
out of here while I still --

[The front door is suddenly flung open.  SOUN and GENMA are standing
there, both with smouldering battle auras.]

MERLE:  Uh-oh.  Too late.  [She runs and hides.]

KAJI:  Er --

[He holds up a sign saying 'I'm just a cuddly li'l penguin.']

SOUN:  And now, false intruders, prepare to face the awful wrath of --

GENMA:  -- The combined schools of Anything-Goes Martial Arts!

KAJI:  ... Help? ...

YOSHO:  Ahem.  Allow me.

[He steps forward, cracking his knuckles, and produces an energy sword
from somewhere or other.]

YOSHO:  Permit me to respond with the millennia-old battle techniques
of the Royal House of Jurai.

SOUN [sweating]:  Um --

GENMA [sweating]:  Er --

BOTH [grovelling]:  Crouch of the Wild Tiger!

[Suddenly KASUMI bustles in, sweeping past SOUN and GENMA as if they
weren't there.]

KASUMI:  Tadaima!  Oh, my, what a mess.  Good morning, Prince Yosho.
Would you like a nice, hot cup of tea?

YOSHO [taken aback]:  Ahh -- that's very kind of you, actually --

[KASUMI heads into the kitchen.  While YOSHO is still distracted, SOUN
suddenly hits him with a demon-head attack, and GENMA flattens him with
a giant shogi piece.]

SOUN:  Yes!

GENMA:  Triumphant again!

SOUN:  The two of us, working together, can never be defeated, Saotome!

GENMA:  Another glorious victory for --

MERLE:  Boo!

GENMA:  Ahhh!

[He jumps into SOUN's arms.  SOUN is flattened.  MERLE dashes out,
carrying a suspiciously bulging suitcase.  KAJI follows her.  YOSHO
staggers after the two, looking dazed.]

SOUN [muffled]:  Saotome ...

GENMA:  Er ...  [Sweats]  Yes?

SOUN:  Could you please get off?

[Suddenly there is a scream of horror from the kitchen, and a sound of
shattering china.]

KASUMI [off]:  Ahhh!  What have you done to my kitchen?!

MARA [off]:  Er -- now -- let's not get too upset here --

KASUMI [off]:  What ... have you DONE ... to MY KITCHEN?!!!

MARA [off]:  Ha!  You don't scare me, girl!  you're just a mortal and
I'm a demon first-class, so you ERRGGH NYAAAHHH YOOOWWWIEEEE!

[There is a sudden blinding glare of light from the open kitchen door,
and a vast crackling noise reminiscent of somebody receiving a
200,000-volt electric shock.  Then a long, ominous silence.]

[KASUMI comes in, holding a tray and smiling beatifically.]

KASUMI:  Here's your tea, Yosho-sama.  Oh, my, wherever did he go?



[The Nekohanten.  CHERRY and NUKU-NUKU are still sitting at the table,
smoking slightly.  GOURRY is leaving against a wall, also smoking, his
face and armour blackened and charred.]

[The door opens and COLOGNE pogoes in, followed by SHAMPOO and MOUSSE.
COLOGNE stands looking at the smoking trio for a few seconds.]

COLOGNE:  ... Any fiendish Amazon punishments I could dole out here
would just be superfluous, wouldn't they?

CHERRY [smoking]:  Yefh.

GOURRY [smoking]:  Oh, yefh.

NUKU-NUKU [smoking]:  Shnuku-nuku doesn't feel so good.  Shnuku-nuku is
just glad her teeth are made of titanium.

SHAMPOO:  Why cat-girl talk funny?

NUKU-NUKU:  Shnuku-nuku is not a cat-girl.  Shnuku-nuku is a hair care
product.  Shnuku-nuku thinks.

SHAMPOO:  Shampoo not know what cat-girl talking about, but Shampoo is
getting pretty tired of too, too silly jokes about her name.  Shampoo
has nothing whatsoever to do with hair care products.

NUKU-NUKU:  It doesn't?  What does purple-haired girl wash hair with,
then?

SHAMPOO:  What?

[Mutual incomprehension.  COLOGNE bops both on the head with her staff.]

COLOGNE:  I think we've had about as much of that as anybody can stand.
Cat-girl, go home.  You can start talking sensibly again.

NUKU-NUKU:  ... Nuku-nuku kind of likes talking this way.

[COLOGNE bops her again.]

COLOGNE:  Go home!  Before Setsuna recovers and remembers who was
responsible for her ... little problem.

[NUKU-NUKU's eyes widen, and she hurries out.  CHERRY takes the
opportunity to hurry after her.  MOUSSE yanks GOURRY's robe off him and
puts it on, looking relieved.]

MOUSSE:  Ahh, that's better.

[He starts going through innumerable hidden pockets, pulling out a dog's
supper-dish, a bust of Beethoven, a child's blanket, and a thing his
aunt gave him which he doesn't know what it is.  GOURRY watches for a
few moments, goggling, then shrugs and turns to go.]

MOUSSE:  Hey, what --?  Dammit, you used up all my exploding eggs!

GOURRY:  Fhorry.



[The room next to the Fanfic Control Room.  There is a repetitive
thudding sound coming from next door, accompanied by a faint whimpering.
Suddenly the door is flung open and HIROSHI, DAISUKE, SAYURI and YUKA
dash in.  They lock the door behind them, and wedge a chair under the
handle.]

DAISUKE:  There.  That ought to hold them for at least half a second.

HIROSHI:  What's the fastest way out of here?

YUKA:  They wouldn't hurt _us_ ... would they?

SAYURI:  You want to stay and find out?

YUKA:  Um ... who are all these people?

[They stare around the room.  It is full of people, standing and staring
at them in surprise.]

HIROSHI:  Oh, right.  The auditions for the 'Tenchi' crossover.

DAISUKE:  Sorry, folks, but we're all about to be horribly maimed here,
so the crossover's off.

OTARU MAMIYA [as TENCHI]:  But --

LAIN IWAKURA [as SASAMI]:  Maimed?

DAITETSU KUNIKIDA [as NOBOYUKI]:  I knew this job was too good to be
true.  That means I have to go back to listening to Yaegashi and Kome
squabble.  Drat.

YUKA [to HIROSHI]:  Where do you come up with these people?

HIROSHI:  Er ... here and there.  [Laughs nervously]  You know.

DAISUKE:  No.

HIROSHI:  I picked them up from, er, various points in their series.
Hey, they all volunteered!  Asuka couldn't _wait_ to get out of hers.

SAYURI:  I'll bet.

YUKA:  Did you have to get her an EVA unit as well, though?

HIROSHI [sweating]:  What's wrong with that?  She said someone had eaten
hers, so I just borrowed one from earlier in the story.  Anyway, she ...
she insisted!  She got this big mallet from somewhere and --

DAISUKE:  You're pathetic.

HIROSHI:  Me?  _Who_ took the bribe from Merle to cover up her little
fling with Yosho?

DAISUKE:  That was different!  She licked my face!  I didn't say that,
did I?

[The door back into the fanfic control room suddenly rattles.]

SAYURI:  Uh-oh.  Scramble, everyone!



[The Tendo dojo.  There is still a great deal of wreckage strewn about
from the restaurant's opening night.  NANAMI is sitting on a slightly
blackened chair, totalling up columns of figures in a notebook.]

NABIKI [from doorway]:  Ahem.

NANAMI:  Oh, there you are.  I was expecting you.

NABIKI:  Of course.  [She looks around]  Quite a mess, isn't it?

NANAMI:  Uh-huh.  Guess I was wrong about being able to start a
successful business in here.

NABIKI [suspiciously]:  You're taking all this very calmly.  I seem
to recall that we had a bet that you wouldn't be able to make more
money in Nerima than I can.

NANAMI:  Uh-huh.  Sure did.

NABIKI:  Well, this doesn't look like a big money-maker to _me_.

NANAMI:  True.  On the other hand ...  [She indicates the figures in
her notebook.]  Proceeds from all the bets I took that the restaurant
wouldn't survive its opening night.

NABIKI:  Ha!  Who'd be crazy enough to bet on something like that
_here_?

NANAMI:  All the people from other series.

NABIKI:  Oh.  Oh, yeah.

NANAMI:  Then, I took all the bets and used them to buy a very large
insurance policy on the dojo.  [She offers a wad of legal documents.]
Take a look at the payout there, in paragraph twenty-three thousand,
nine hundred and seventeen.

NABIKI:  Who'd be crazy enough to offer insurance on the Tendo Dojo?!

NANAMI:  Akiko Mishima.  After her family restaurant went bust, she
decided to try the insurance biz instead.  Kyoko and Arisa didn't
even ask any questions before signing me up.

[NABIKI goggles at the figures.]

NABIKI:  That's -- that's --

NANAMI:  Impressive, isn't it?

NABIKI:  And so --

NANAMI:  So --

NABIKI [sweating]:  So ...

NANAMI:  ... I give up.  You win.  I'm leaving.

NABIKI:  -- What?

NANAMI:  This place is too crazy for me.  I just run a restaurant!  All
this bribery and gambling and wheeling and dealing and blackmailing --
and the insane martial artists and their crazy curses ...  I'm going
home to Roshtaria!  I never knew when I had it good.

[She throws the notebook to NABIKI and stamps out.]

NANAMI:  Seeya.

[NABIKI inspects the figures again, and whistles softly to herself.
Then she checks quickly to make sure that NANAMI is gone.]

NABIKI:  Heh.

[She buffs her fingernails casually on her breast.]

NABIKI [smirking]:  Sucker.

[SOUN steps into the dojo, looks around at the damage, and screams.]



[UKYO reaches Ucchan's, sees the banner over the door, and screams.  She
unships her battle-spatula and sprints in the door.  A moment later,
MAKOTO comes flying out, head-first, and lands in the street at the feet
of KONATSU, who is just walking up.]

UKYO [inside]:  AND STAY OUT!

MAKOTO:  But I --

[A pile of chocolate cakes flies out and lands on her head, flattening
her top hat.]

MAKOTO:  Bluhhh.

[KONATSU bends down and scoops up a finger-ful of cake, and tries it
cautiously.  After a moment he nods.]

KONATSU:  Not bad.

MAKOTO:  Thanks.  Bluhhh.

[She staggers off, scooping bits of cake off herself.  KONATSU shrugs,
and enters the restaurant.]

[After a few minutes, a young (apparently) woman in a kimono walks up to
the restaurant, consults an address written on a piece of paper, nods,
and knocks at the door.)

UKYO [inside]:  Yes?

STRANGER:  My name is Aoi Futaba.  I was told to come here to play
someone called "Konatsu"?  Sorry I'm a little late, but -- eep!

[We see AOI sprint back down the road, pursued by a hail of shuriken and
mini-spatulas.]



[The Tendo home.  NODOKA enters, removing her shoes.  She looks around
at the chaos, and tuts to herself.  Then she sees SETSUNA.]

NODOKA:  You!  What are _you_ still doing here?

SETSUNA:  Miya.

NODOKA:  You know, you don't look a bit like me.

SETSUNA:  Miya.

NODOKA:  And I don't talk that way.  Ever.  Except that one time when
Genma put his hand down my --

SETSUNA:  Miya.  [She jumps into NODOKA's arms and licks her cheek.]

NODOKA:  Oh, my!  That is _most_ unladylike.

[She makes a mental note to try it on GENMA.]

MAKOTO [from behind her]:  Ahem.

[She comes in the front door, staggering slightly.  She has scraped off
most of the cake, and now merely looks as though she's been bathing in
liquid chocolate.]

NODOKA:  Have you been bathing in liquid chocolate, young lady?
[Fondly]  Ahh, I remember when I was your age ...

MAKOTO:  Ahem.  I'll, ahh, I'll just take Setsuna and go, shall I?

SETSUNA:  Miya.

MAKOTO:  Right, Setsuna -- change into your starship form, and we
can fly back to Juuban, all right?

[Pause.  Everyone stares at her.]

MAKOTO [flushing]:  Er, no.  That wouldn't work, would it?



[The fanfic control room.  The room is deserted, except for a small
puddle of ooze in one corner.  Suddenly one of the monitors glows, and
the goddess URD emerges.  She glances around quickly, nods to herself
in satisfaction, and begins to watch one particular monitor closely.
She is smirking.]



[Furinkan High School, class 1-F.  All is chaos.  Students are standing
around, talking.  HINAKO and AZUSA are comparing notes and squabbling
over whether the originals or the substitutes were worse students.
HIROSHI, DAISUKE, SAYURI, YUKA, SHINOBU, MITSURU, KAGOME and NOA are all
in one corner, bickering.  The first four keep glancing at the classroom
door nervously.]

[TENCHI and SHAYLA are standing in the middle of the room, nose-to-nose,
shouting "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" at each other.  ASUKA is watching them,
looking very dejected.]

KAGOME [approaching ASUKA]:  What's the matter?  You get to go home now.
Why're you looking so upset?

ASUKA [glumly]:  Oh, it's ... nothing, really.

[Quick, almost subliminal flash of a desolated wasteland, a sea of LCL,
and a young boy standing alone by it.]

ASUKA:  It's just ... I was almost, well, kind of hoping I wouldn't have
to --

[The classroom door bursts open suddenly.  RANMA and AKANE stalk in.
RANMA is wiping something thick and gooey off his knuckles.]

RANMA:  Right!  That's that dealt with.  Now for these impostors!

[HIROSHI and DAISUKE try to hide behind SAYURI and YUKA.]

AKANE:  The nerve of these people, thinking they can impersonate us.

RANMA:  We'll soon see about that.

[He walks up to TENCHI and SHAYLA, who are still shouting "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!" at each other.]

RANMA:  Okay, fakers, it's time to --

TENCHI and SHAYLA [together]:  DO YOU MIND?  WE'RE HAVING A DISCUSSION
HERE!!!

RANMA:  Err ... I see.  Right, right, I'll just ...

[He goes back to AKANE's side, rather lamely.]

RANMA:  We'll just ... let them get on with it, then, shall we?

AKANE:  Baka.

[She looks at TENCHI and SHAYLA.]

AKANE:  Um, they do look kind of busy, though, don't they?

RANMA:  Er.  Yeah.  [Brightens suddenly]  Anyway, there's still _your_
imposter to take care of.

AKANE:  Hey, yeah!

[She stomps over to ASUKA, who is still watching TENCHI and SHAYLA, and
still looking very unhappy.  ASUKA looks up as AKANE approaches.]

ASUKA:  Oh, it's you.  [Sighs]  Time for me to go, I suppose?

[AKANE gives her a puzzled look.]

AKANE:  So what's your problem?  You don't have to look like it's some
kind of tragedy!

ASUKA:  No, it's ... I ... you see, I'd been kind of hoping --

[Quick flash of NERV headquarters, littered with dead bodies
everywhere.]

ASUKA:  Look --  [In a rush]  Isn't there any way I could stay?

AKANE:  What?

ASUKA:  I mean ... I know I can't go on playing you.  But couldn't I
just ... not go back to my own series?

[Quick flash of ASKUA lying in a hospital bed, catatonic.]

ASUKA [shakily]:  I -- I wouldn't cause any trouble, I promise ... I
could get a job somewhere, you'd never even know I was here ...

[Quick flash of ASUKA's EVA-02 being ripped to pieces by a swarm of
production-model EVAs.]

AKANE:  What -- what is it?  What are you so scared of?

ASUKA:  I ... please.  [Desperately]  Don't make me leave.

[Quick flash of GENDO shooting RITSUKO.  Then, of a dying MISATO kissing
SHINJI.]

ASUKA:  Please.

AKANE [turning to RANMA]:  Ranma, do you think ... if we just didn't
tell anyone ...?

[Cut to the other side of the classroom, where AZUSA is talking to
MITSURU, SHINOBU, KAGOME and NOA.]

AZUSA:  No problem, I can send you home.  I could do it for all of us,
actually.  I found this book in my "Mamono Hunter Starter Kit" ...  [She
holds up a book titled "All You Really Need to Know About Hyperspace and
Pan-Dimensional Travel"]  Just give me a moment here.

[She quickly draws a complex pattern on the floor in chalk, then opens
the book and begins to chant.]

MITSURU:  I have a bad feeling about this.

SHINOBU:  What an amazing coincidence.

[Suddenly the circle glows brilliantly.  A ripple of light begins to
spread outward from its centre.  As it touches each of the five, they
vanish.  A few seconds later, the circle reaches TENCHI and SHAYLA.
They vanish too.]

[Cut back to ASUKA, AKANE and RANMA.]

ASUKA:  You ... you really mean it?  You don't mind?  I can stay?

RANMA:  Well ...  [Scratches the back of his head]  It's not as though
one more weirdo will --

AKANE:  [Elbows him in the ribs]  Ranma!

ASUKA:  Really?  Oh, thank you!  Thank you!  You don't know what it was
like -- you can't imagine how I -- oh, God -- thank you, thank you ...

[At this moment, AZUSA's circle on the other side of the room activates.
The ripple of light begins to spread.]

ASUKA:  Wh-what --

[AZUSA and the other four vanish.]

ASUKA:  No ... no, wait --

[TENCHI and SHAYLA vanish.]

ASUKA:  No, wait!  Don't make me go!  Please!  I'll do anything, DON'T
MAKE ME GO BACK THERE!  PLEASE!  NO!  NOOOOOOOOO--

[The circle touches her, and she is gone.  The classroom falls dead
silent.  RANMA and AKANE exchange horrified looks.]



[Bird's-eye view of Nerima.  We see the circle of light pass through the
walls of Furinkan High School, gradually expanding to cover the whole
ward.  One by one, we see those who haven't left already suddenly
vanish:  NAKAJIMA, MARA, HIROSHI KARIGARI, YUI.  The circle touches a
distant cave, and we hear ATARU's complaints suddenly stop.  At last, in
Jusenkyo, BATOU disappears.  Slowly, the circle fades away.]



[Elsewhere.  The living room of the Masaki house.  Suddenly TENCHI
appears out of thin air.]

TENCHI:  OH, YEAH?  OH ---  [He looks around]  Oh.  I'm home?

[He is suddenly glomped by RYOKO and AYEKA.]

TENCHI:  Augh!



[The royal palace in Florestica, in the world of El-Hazard.  Suddenly
SHAYLA appears out of thin air.]

SHAYLA:  YEAH ---  [She looks around]  Hey, I'm back!

[She is suddenly glomped by ALIELLE.]

SHAYLA:  Augh!



[Juuban.  USAGI, AMI, MINAKO, REI, HOTARU, HARUKA, MICHIRU, MAMORU, LUNA
and ARTEMIS are sitting in the park, chatting quietly.  MAKOTO wanders
up.  She has bathed, and changed into some of her own clothes.  She is
carrying a large satchel over one shoulder.]

MAKOTO:  Hi, everyone!  I'm back!

USAGI:  Makoto-chan!  Yayyy!  We were just talking about you!  We missed
your cooking ... I mean, we missed you!

MAKOTO:  [Sighs]  All right, all right.  I brought you all presents.
[She starts to hand out small, flat packages, wrapped in waxed paper.]

USAGI [opening hers]:  It's ... an okonomiyaki?

MAKOTO:  Er ...  [Hastily changing the subject]  Oh, Mamoru!  I've got
your tuxedo here!  Thanks for lending it to me.  [She pulls a carrier
bag out of her satchel and hands it to him.]

MAMORU [shivering]:  At last!  [He opens the bag and pulls out a tuxedo
that is almost solid with chocolate.]  Hmm.  Maybe it's time to switch
back to being the Moonlight Knight again.

MICHIRU:  What happened to Setsuna?  Didn't she go with you?

MAKOTO:  Um.  Ahh ... actually, there's sort of a problem there.

[She puts her fingers to her lips and whistles.  SETSUNA comes bounding
up on all fours, and crouches by her side.  MAKOTO gives her a carrot.]

HARUKA [sweating]:  What the --?

SETSUNA:  Miya.

REI:  Oh, I'm just _sure_ this is going to be good.

[MAKOTO explains.  This takes quite some time.  As she does so, SETSUNA
blissfully eats her carrot.]

AMI:  Err, this is a bit of a problem, isn't it?

SETSUNA:  Miya.

MINAKO:  Is she house-broken?

[Everybody stares at her.]

MINAKO:  Well, I think she's kind of cute this way.  [She strokes
SETSUNA's head.  SETSUNA purrs.]

USAGI:  But we can't just leave her like this!

REI:  Hmm.

USAGI:  We can't!

HARUKA:  Hmm.

MICHIRU:  Hmm.

USAGI:  We can't!  ... Can we?

HOTARU:  Hmm.

SETSUNA:  Miya.

MAKOTO:  It's kind of like the neko-ken, isn't it?  If she were Ranma,
we could just pour some hot water over her to change her back, and the
shock would snap her out of it.  [She absently pours a cup of hot water
over SETSUNA's head.]  But that wouldn't work on Setsuna, obviously --

SETSUNA:  AUGGH!  HOT!  HOT!  HOT!

MINAKO:  What?  It worked?!

AMI:  Setsuna-san, you've -- you've changed --

[And indeed SETSUNA has changed.  She is taller, and less, er, feminine,
and her hair has become blonde, so that she now looks exactly like --]

USAGI:  Motoki?  You mean _you've_ been Setsuna all along?

MOTOKI:  Noooo!  You weren't supposed to find out about that!

MAKOTO:  Wow.  You look really ... interesting in a sailor fuku.

[RYOGA and TAMAHOME suddenly wander in.]

RYOGA and TAMAHOME [together]:  Dammit, where am I _now_?



[Ucchan's.  The banner has been restores to its former self.  Inside,
UKYO is standing behind the grill, smiling cheerfully, spatula in hand,
ready to cook.  A CUSTOMER comes in.]

CUSTOMER:  One special, please.

UKYO:  Sure, sugar.

[She starts to prepare an okonomiyaki.]

CUSTOMER:  No, no.  One of your special chocolate cakes.

[Outside the shop.  Suddenly the CUSTOMER comes flying out the door
head-first, screaming in terror, and lands on the other side of the
street with a loud crunch.]

UKYO'S VOICE [from inside]:  I - DO - NOT - MAKE - CHOCOLATE - CAKE!
YOU HEAR ME?  THIS IS AN OKONOMIYAKI RESTAURANT!

CUSTOMER:  G-gotcha ...

[Inside the shop again.  UKYO is standing behind the grill, battle
spatula in hand.  Her face is flushed.]

UKYO [gritted teeth]:  Honestly.  That's the fifteenth --

[Another CUSTOMER comes in.  She immediately puts on a smile, but
there's a bit of strain in it.]

CUSTOMER:  One special, please.

UKYO [suspiciously]:  One special _what_?

CUSTOMER:  One special cake, with extra cream.

[Outside the shop.  Suddenly the CUSTOMER comes flying out the door
head-first, screaming in terror, and lands on the other side of the
street with a loud crunch, next to the previous customer.  We now see
that there is quite a large pile of customers growing there.]

[RANMA wanders up, and inspects the pile.]

RANMA:  Hmm.  She's in good form today.  [He goes inside.]  Hey, Ucchan.
What's up?

UKYO [fuming]:  WHAT --?  [She sees who it is.]  Oh, Ranchan!  [She
calms down somewhat.]  Sorry.  What can I getcha, sugar?

RANMA:  Oh, an okonomiyaki'd be great.

[UKYO sighs with relief and starts to cook one.]

RANMA:  Although, come to think of it, if you've got any chocolate cake,
that'd be just the thing to --

[Outside the shop.  Suddenly RANMA comes flying out the door head-first,
screaming in terror, and lands on the pile of customers on the other
side of the street with a loud crunch.]

[Inside, UKYO is still fuming.]

UKYO:  I have to do something about this.

KONATSU:  If I can make a suggestion, Ukyo-sama ...?

[He whispers in UKYO's ear.  After a moment, her eyes widen.  She
hurries to the telephone and dials.]

UKYO:  Hello?  Kasumi?  It's Ukyo.  Listen, this may sound odd, but I
have a little proposition for you ...

KASUMI [on telephone]:  Oh, my.



[The KUNO mansion.  All is silent.  The front door opens and a figure
steps in, looks around, and wanders aimlessly through the corridors.]

YUSAKU GODAI:  Master Kuno?  Mistress Kodachi?  It is I, your faithful
servant Sasuke!  Hello?  Is anyone there?  Man, the things I do to
support a family.

[Silence.]

GODAI:  Aoshima?  Naga?  Are you there?  Geez, where'd they go?

[Silence.]

GODAI [singing]:  "Am I alone, and unobserved?  I am!  Then let me own,
I'm a domestic sham!"

[Silence.]

GODAI:  That's it.  I quit.

[He stamps out.  KUNO, KODACHI and SASUKE emerge from behind a curtain.]

SASUKE:  I thought he'd never leave.

KUNO:  Indeed.

KODACHI:  Well!  Now that we're alone, brother dear, shall we resume our
little ... project?

[She holds up a can of Franco-American Spaghetti.  KUNO's eyes light up,
and he begins to smirk.]



------------------------------------------------------------------------
                       "The Replacement Ranmas"
                               Epilogue
------------------------------------------------------------------------


[A street in Nerima.  It is evening.  RANMA and AKANE are walking along
slowly.]

RANMA:  So I guess everything is back to normal again.

AKANE:  Well, more or less.



[Quick shot of a mediaeval-looking town street.  NAGA and JAMES are
running down the street, pursued by LINA INVERSE, who is throwing
fireballs after them.  JAMES is wearing a t-shirt that reads, 'Naga is
Better Than Lina Any Day of the Week.'  NAGA, smirking, is using JAMES
as a human shield.  Oddly, JAMES, though somewhat fried, is smiling
blissfully as he clings to her back.]

[Quick shot of a road through a forest.  We see ASH, MISTY, BROCK and
PIKACHU running away from JESSIE, MEOWTH and AOSHIMA.  JESSIE and
AOSHIMA are wearing white tops with giant red 'A's printed on the front.
They pursue ASH and company off-screen, laughing maniacally.  Moments
later, we hear a giant zapping sound, and they run back into view, this
time with ASH's group chasing TEAM AOSHIMA.  JESSIE and AOSHIMA, though
rather singed, are holding hands and still laughing.]

[Quick flash of the Masaki house.  It's a bright, sunny day.  TENCHI is
being mobbed by RYOKO and AEKA, as YOSHO looks on, looking imperturbable
and not quite smirking.  SASAMI is cooking hamburgers on a barbecue, and
MIHOSHI is carrying her a pile of extra buns.  NOBOYUKI, WASHU and KAJI
are lying back in a row of deck-chairs.  KAJI is wearing nothing but a
pair of shorts and sunglasses, and is smiling blissfully.  MIHOSHI is
about to trip over him.]



[Back to Nerima.]

RANMA [philosophically]:  And this, too, is happiness.

AKANE:  I can't believe those bozos get a happy ending.

[They walk past Ucchan's.  There is a big new banner over the shopfront.
It reads:
                  KUONJI and TENDO, INC.
           UKYO KUONJI and KASUMI TENDO, PROPS.
      OKONOMIYAKI AND CHOCOLATE CAKE OUR SPECIALTIES
There is a long line of customers leading up to the door.]

RANMA:  Man, that is a weird combination.  And who'd have ever thought
your sister would go into business?

AKANE:  Father was really upset when Kasumi said she'd be out all day,
until your mother said she'd do the cooking.

[They pass the Nekohanten.  SHAMPOO is hanging up a new banner in the
window:  "NEW HOUSE SPECIALTY: CHOCOLATE CAKE -- SECRET 3000 YEAR OLD
AMAZON RECIPE".]

AKANE:  I see some things never change.

RANMA:  I guess.

[She looks at him.  He seems moody about something.]

AKANE:  What's the matter?

RANMA:  I was just thinking about that girl, Asuka.  We never did find
out what she was so afraid of.  I guess _she_ doesn't get a happy
ending.

AKANE:  There's nothing you can do about that, though.  You know,
sometimes there just _isn't_ a happy ending for everyone.

RANMA:  [Sighs]  I know ... I know.

[They walk along silently.  After a little, AKANE takes RANMA's hand.
He looks down at her, smiles, and puts his arm around her shoulders.
They walk slowly out of sight ... into the sunset.]



[And lastly ... somewhere else, perhaps on another world, another Earth,
or perhaps just around the corner ... there is a temple, or at least a
building that used to be a temple.  Inside, it is remarkably homey.  We
see a pair of GODDESSES and a MORTAL.]

BELLDANDY:  You did _what_?

URD [snickering]:  Hey, with all those transfers going on, it was easy!
I just swapped the two of them.  Nobody'll even notice, I promise!

BELLDANDY:  Urd, you know we aren't supposed to do that sort of thing.
You could get grounded all over again for this ...

URD:  Oh, come on!  This wasn't anything bad!  It was my good deed for
the day!  [She laughs.]  I just wish I could see Mara's face ...


[Cut to ... elsewhere.  A wasteland, and a sea of LCL that laps a barren
shore.  A boy, SHINJI IKARI, sits alone on a rock, looking lost and
bewildered.  Suddenly MARA appears out of thin air.]

MARA:  Hey, what?  This isn't my universe!  [She looks at the sea of
LCL, and makes a face.]  Ugh.  What is this stuff?

SHINJI:  I mustn't run away.  I mustn't run away.

MARA:  What?  Who are you?  [She turns, trips over a rock, and falls in
the LCL.  She starts to fume, and visibly smoulder.]

SHINJI:  I mustn't run away.  I mustn't run away.  [He takes another
look at MARA.]  ... Yes, I must.  I must run away.  I must run away.

MARA [wiping LCL from her eyes, and spitting a mouthful out]:  When I
find out what's going on here, there's gonna be trouble.


[Back to the temple.  URD is still laughing.  KEIICHI is looking
confused.]

BELLDANDY:  But if you sent Mara there, then what happened to --

[Suddenly there is a flash, and ASUKA appears out of thin air.  KEIICHI
squawks and backs away.]

ASUKA [still screaming]:  --NOOOO ...  [She looks around, dazed.]  What?

BELLDANDY:  Urd, you know you're not supposed to do this sort of thing.

URD:  Hey, Mara'll work out how to get back here sooner or later!
Besides ... [Suddenly serious]  You haven't seen that other world, sis.
It's a nightmare.  The kid's better off here.

ASUKA:  What are you saying?  You mean --

BELLDANDY:  Well, I suppose it's all right ...

ASUKA:  Wait a minute, you mean I can ... stay here?  I don't have to go
back?  Really?

[She looks around the room, hope dawning on her face.  One by one, the
others nod.  KEIICHI puts a hand on her shoulder and grins in welcome.]

KEIICHI:  Do you know anything about motorcycles?

[ASUKA slowly starts to smile.]

ASUKA:  I can learn.



[THE END]


[Closing theme: "Fly Me to the Moon" (acid rap version) performed by
Dick Saucer, with an accompaniment of Swanee whistles.]


------------------------------------------------------------------------

STARRING:

Ranma Saotome . . . . . Tenchi Masaki  ("Tenchi Muyo")
             . . . . . Shayla-Shayla  ("El-Hazard")
Akane Tendo . . . . . . Asuka Langley Soryu  ("Neon Genesis Evangelion")

CO-STARRING:

Soun Tendo  . . . . . . Yosho  ("Tenchi Muyo")
Kasumi Tendo  . . . . . Mara  ("Oh My Goddess!")
Nabiki Tendo  . . . . . Nanami Jinnai  ("El-Hazard")
Genma Saotome . . . . . Kaji Ryoji  ("Neon Genesis Evangelion")
             . . . . . Pen-Pen  ("Neon Genesis Evangelion")
Ryoga Hibiki  . . . . . Tamahome  ("Fushigi Yugi")
             . . . . . Chu-chu  ("Revolutionary Girl Utena")
Tatewaki Kuno . . . . . Toshiyuki Aoshima  ("Oh My Goddess!")
Shampoo . . . . . . . . Nuku-Nuku  ("All-Purpose Cultural Catgirl
                              Nuku-Nuku")
             . . . . . Merle  ("The Vision of Escaflowne")
Cologne . . . . . . . . Cherry  ("Urusei Yatsura")
Ukyo Kuonji . . . . . . Makoto Kino  ("Sailor Moon")
Happosai  . . . . . . . Ataru Moroboshi  ("Urusei Yatsura")
Mousse  . . . . . . . . Gourry Gabriev  ("The Slayers")

ALSO APPEARING:

Jusenkyo Guide  . . . . Batou  ("Ghost in the Shell")
Tofu Ono  . . . . . . . Ken Nakajima  ("You're Under Arrest!")
Hinako Ninomiya . . . . Azusa Kanzaki  ("Devil Hunter Yohko")
Daisuke . . . . . . . . Shinobu Tezuka  ("Here is Greenwood")
Hiroshi . . . . . . . . Mitsuru Ikeda  ("Here is Greenwood")
Sayuri  . . . . . . . . Kagome Higurashi  ("Inu-Yasha")
Yuka  . . . . . . . . . Noa Izumi  ("Mobile Police Patlabor")
Akari Unryu . . . . . . Lum  ("Urusei Yatsura")
Kodachi Kuno  . . . . . Naga  ("The Slayers")
Mikado Sanzenin . . . . James [Kojiro]  ("Pokemon")
Azusa Shiratori . . . . Jessie [Musashi]  ("Pokemon")
Nodoka Saotome  . . . . Setsuna Meiou  ("Sailor Moon")
Hikaru Gosunkugi  . . . Hiroshi Karigari  ("My Dear Marie" aka "Metal
                              Angel Marie")
Kiima . . . . . . . . . Yui Hongo  ("Fushigi Yugi")
Konatsu . . . . . . . . Aoi Futaba  ("You're Under Arrest!")
Sasuke  . . . . . . . . Yusaku Godai  ("Maison Ikkoku")

GUEST-STARRING:

Tenchi Masaki . . . . . Otaru Mamiya  ("Saber Marionette J")
Sasami  . . . . . . . . Lain Iwakura  ("Serial Experiments Lain")
Noboyuki Masaki . . . . Daitetsu Kunikida  ("Blue Seed")

PLUS ... the casts of "Ranma 1/2", "Tenchi Muyo", "El-Hazard", "Sailor
Moon", "The Slayers", "Pokemon", "Oh My Goddess!" and "Neon Genesis
Evangelion".


Disclaimer: All characters are copyright and appear without permission
                of their respective copyright-holders.
                  Egg joke suggested by Mark Ferrer.
             Much helpful commentary provided by Ammadeau.
  The author asserts that he is not an alien from the planet Zygort,
       and has never consumed live frogs, not even while drunk.

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