Jitou wrote:
gotten in her eyes. At the speed they were travelling, in an open-air
cockpit with the wind whipping past their faces, it was hard
enough to hear someone talk.
"Is it normal for the wings to be on fire?"
Heh.
"I can't hear you, Mo-chan!"
Kenshin was beginning to feel apprehensive.
Only beginning to? :)
While he new
knew
"WAAAA!" Inaho cried, "the wings are burning! The
engine must've malfunctioned again! Mo-chan, do something!"
Kenshin broke out some marshmallows and began roasting them
"Inaho-dono, where are we exactly?"
Inaho: Falling.
"Calm down?!? Are you NUTS?!?" Inaho screamed into
his ear. "Don't you get it, Mo-Chan?" She said, whacking a punch
into his chest. (oro!)
"We..." she landed another punch, "are about..." yet
another (double oro!)
I can't say I care for those (oro) comments.
//Before her lay a thick, leather bound book, musty with
age. Opening it released a slight cloud of dust, and
don't think you need that comma.
a pungent
aroma reminiscent of withered leaves. She began to read.
"I would not eat green eggs and ham. I would not eat them, Sam I am."
Obviously it was a book of ancient knowledge.
"Greetings to thee, would be sorceress. Contained within
these pages are the secrets of the Hitomebore clan.
The family tree doesn't branch out, if you know what I mean.
For ages, our
clan has sought out the Kenjya stone. It is a magical artifact that
would make a great paperweight.
*Could he...* she wondered, the thought bewildering her.
*Could he really... fly?*
Kenshin took her in his arms, and she clung to his neck.
Suddenly, without hesitation, he leapt off the plunging aircraft.
And dropped like a rock.
"MO-CHAN NO BAKAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!"
heh. Very cute. Nice way to get the reader's attention early.
The peasants toiled their fields,
growing rocks.
play. He was dressed in red and black leathers, in a style worn
only by the Reikai. A red sash was tied over his forehead, keeping
his fine, silken hair out of his eyes. Watching the children, his eyes
glimmered with the unmistakable sheen of happiness.
At last he was going to eat.
"Fire! Fire!" a villager screamed.
"There's a fire at Hasekawa's place!
"A fire?! May the kami help us!"
Kenshin went to grab some marshmallows once again.
"Dasukete! Help! Help! My baby is still in there!"
Oh, the ole' 'baby trapped in a burning house' bit
As his clothes ruffled from his aura, one character suddenly
materialized, etching itself on the plain white space on the back of
his shirt. One character, one word.
Aku.
Bad.
Ohh. So it's Michael Jackson. Cool.
As it appeared, the man raised his fist. With another shout,
he slammed his fist against the rear wall. As it hit the wall,
something happened.
The hand broke.
In a flash, the man dashed inside, and several long, terse
moments later, he dashed out, carrying in his arms a small toddler,
wrapped in a blanket. He was none the worse for it.,
drop the period
"Long ago, before we humans walked ruled
walked and ruled
"These oni were known as the Reikai, and they fought
against their enslaving brothers, the Makai. The humans, realizing
that their only hope was to fight as well, joined the Reikai. But
humans are weak, you see, so they were practically useless against
the Makai. So the Reikai taught them how to fight."
Mostly by kicking the Makai in the balls. It was quite effective, though.
"Think about it. What was the reason why the samurai were
able to oppress our ancestors? It was because of the Reikai skills
which they possessed. Because of that extra power, they were able
to oppress those weaker than themselves."
As opposed to just manipulating and manuvering people to achieve that goal,
like normal people do :)
us. If we avoid contact with them, then this will not be the case.
"Now as for why he did not take advantage of us now,
Drop the first 'now' in the sentence since you have one in the middle.
defeat a samurai. Not only guns, but the Meiji government has
helped us all in many ways. Better technology for medicine, for
agriculture, for building homes, in everyway,
every way
"So this is a great time for us to live?" the boy asked.
"That's right, son," the old man replied. "The oni and their
fearsome powers are gone for good. It is now the Meiji era, the age
of humans."
"Now get back to plowing the rocks, you lazy little bugger."
Of course, there was only one thing they would be talking
about. The samurai. Their power. The power that came from the
Reikai. When
extra spaces there
It was always painful, thinking of childhood, thinking of
children. It always reminded him of what he had missed, what he
had been deprived off.
Oh yeah. Puberty. Like he wouldn't want to miss that. :)
"Myoujin Sagara, of the Sekihoutai," one of the villagers
said, speaking for the rest of them. "You know you are not
welcome here. There is no place for your kind here. Please leave,
before the government arrive."
arrives
"Zanza no Honou. You are wanted for many crimes as a
gangster in Sendai. If you will not turn yourself in peacefully, we
will have to use force." As if to emphasize that statement, the four
brought out their breach-loader rifles, and began to level them at
him. "Will you come peacefully, or no?"
'not' would be better, IMO
Zanza no Honou? Sano hadn't been called that name in a
long time. It really ticked him off to hear it.
Time to break some people then
What he was concerned for
'about' rather than 'for'
"Do you remember what I told you that time when you
were a child, Sano?"
"Yes," Sano answered,
"You told me not to tell anyone about the way you touched me, no matter how
uncomfortable it made me."
"Err, not that bit," the man said. "I meant the other thing I told you when
you were a child."
A shot rang out. Zanza, preoccupied, was unable to evade.
It smashed into his torso,
Best to use 'The bullet' rather than 'It' to lead off the sentence.
*That man,* Sano thought, his eyes once again focusing.
*He thinks... just like my father...*
"Matte! Wait for me, boss!"
"Oro?"//
Heh. That 'Oro' works there
"Huh? Technique... uh..." SD-Sano the Bum shrugged with
a silly grin. ^_^
Already got on you about these.
Sano's rage was next to gone now,
'was almost gone' works better IMO
and suddenly some
strange occurred. As he relaxed, his body suddenly
I'd drop this suddenly since you use one in the sentence before.
Within seconds, he appeared as a small young boy, clothes
a bit battered, but otherwise unharmed.
_< Okay. In light of MOM, I should have seen that one coming. Now who will
be Yuki's equivalent?
"Would you cut that out, Inaho-mama?" Honou snarled.
Inaho stopped her inspection and knelt in front of Honou,
putting her face down level with his.
"Inaho... MAMA?!?" Steam seemed to pop out of her ears
as her face flushed with anger. She didn't LOOK that OLD, did
she?
Heh
"I'm gonna kill her!!!!" Honou shrieked, as Kenshin vainly
tried to restrain him.
"Nah, Honou, shizu ni de gozaru yo!"
"Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh!!!!" Inaho mocked.
"OHOUHOOUHOOOOO!!!!!"
Heh. Amusing.
nice work. I can see you're moving things right along as you introduce the
cast in the new roles they are in. I'll get to the next part as soon as I
can. Still way too busy for my own good.
D.B. Sommer