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--Two days ago--
She had lost again. Gally sighed. It seemed to be more of the norm,
nowadays, for her to lose. She didn't care. She didn't, not at all.
Well, not really.
Gally sniffed, quickly blinking the tears away from her eyes and glancing
around in case anyone else might have seen. She need not have worried, Ifurita
and Nuku Nuku weren't around. Only the repair droid was in the room, its ovoid
form hovering over a set of tools, awaiting her instructions.
The lab seemed much emptier without Washuu around. True, it was only one
more body, and with all the dimensional folds and fractal extensions, area-wise
Washuu's lab was nearly infinite, but the galactic scientist had a way of making
it feel full and friendly.
She made it feel like home.
A sob jerked itself from Gally's throat. Dammit! Why did Mewtwo have to
do that? Why did he have to do that, and...
And make things so much more difficult for her? Gally did not WANT to be
in charge. She just wanted to play around, fight a bit, and have fun. Almost
like it was in motorball, but without all the death and the driving sense of
loss she had had at the time.
She swallowed and turned her head towards the repair droid. "Okay, let's
take the arm off, now." Obediently, the automaton floated over and protruded a
screwdriver from an orifice on its side and placed the head in a socket at her
shoulder. A soft whir emitted and it pulled a screw out. She felt sensation
from the arm flicker. The droid floated around to a different angle and removed
a second screw. The arm flopped down next to her, limp and dangling from a few
wires. She reached over and pulled it free, dropping it on a pile with her
legs.
Dr. Light's repairs had gotten her moving again, but the old doctor hadn't
considered how she operated when he did them. She cursed herself for not
thinking of that at the time. Like so many other things she hadn't been
thinking about.
Security. A slow look around told Gally just how large Washuu's lab was
and just how many places someone could hide. She used to think that the
Cybergrrlz were safe there. But now she realized how many things she had taken
for granted about her new home.
If Washuu were around, she could ask about things. If Washuu were
around...
Gally gritted her teeth. She needed to focus. She could have beaten Dark
Schneider, if only she'd focused better. It wasn't her body that was screwing
up, it was her mind. Focus.
Mewtwo. That was the goal. She had to beat Mewtwo and force him to give
Washuu her mind back. Everything else could wait.
"Give me a look inside the shoulder cavity," she said. The droid hovered
close, and the camera lens that served as its eye twisted to focus. On a screen
above her, a slowly swaying image appeared. She studied it, carefully. She
could have had Ifurita do this for her, but the android was working with Nuku
Nuku at the moment, and Gally did not want to interrupt them.
She shook her head slowly as she saw the wire connectors. "I was afraid
of this. It isn't going to work." She lay her head back and closed her eyes.
She knew what she had to do, but didn't relish it.
But it had to be done. She could WIN in any body, she was sure of that,
it would just take focus, determination, skill, and probably a bit of luck.
No, she couldn't go that route. Gally had to fight to win, now, and she
needed every advantage she could gain, short of cheating. Mewtwo would not be
an easy opponent.
For Washuu, she had to do it. She took a breath and opened her eyes.
"Okay. We need to do a transplant." The repair droid waited; it had not been
given an instruction.
"I need a spare body. And Ifurita, she has to be here to do this."
Gally's jaw tightened. It was time to get serious. She had forty-eight hours.
When that was up, Mewtwo would be hers.
* * *
Xelloss sighed. He was watching Cloud go to work on Aerith... again. It
wasn't that the boy didn't try, he did, he tried extremely hard, but something
always seemed lacking from these sessions.
Pain.
The Mazoku had to face it. Cloud Strife was just plain bad at torturing.
He mused that it must have been all that icky righteousness and sense of justice
in his all-too-human heart. He shifted slightly in his chair and continued to
observe.
Cloud picked up the kazoo. A grimace of anticipation crossed Aerith's
face. Xelloss amended his earlier thought. Cloud could indeed cause pain, but
it just did not last. It was a pain of just waiting out something obnoxious.
When Cloud stopped, Aerith would be fine, and her thoughts would be just the
same.
Worse, it was annoying to Xelloss. He had tried to steer Cloud on the
correct path for educating Aerith. When that failed, he had tried some slightly
overt means to keeping the angel in line. Clearly the danger she posed still
existed. He would have to rectify that.
He gave the boy three minutes before clearing his throat. Cloud stopped
playing immediately.
"Yes, Xelloss?" he inquired.
"I'm, ah, not sure you're being quite effective enough at this whole..."
Xelloss gestured vaguely at the entire scene. "thing. You need something
else." He looked thoughtfully around the room and idly tapped his chin.
"Variety, I think."
"Variety?"
"Yes. I do believe variety is what you need. You have many instruments
at your disposal. You need not limit yourself to the ones that are... like
that."
Cloud looked down at the kazoo. "Do you think I should try a piano? We
could get one in here."
"Hrm... perhaps you misunderstood me when I said instruments. What I
mean, Cloud, is that you need to be more creative."
"Music is creative."
"Er, yes it is, but not quite in the same way." Xelloss stood up and
stepped next to Cloud. "You need to express yourself in your work upon Aerith."
He gave Cloud a slight smile. "You love her, don't you?"
"Of course! I would do anything for Aerith."
The Mazoku spread his arms wide. "Then show her that love. I've heard
that humans can bond best when torture is involved. You must find that
connection with Aerith." He regarded the angel clinically. She shied away from
his gaze, at least as much as the bonds holding her would allow. "Besides...
this would just be short-term pain, for her own long-term good."
"But I might hurt her."
"Oh, Cloud, that would never do. It is never the goal of a skilled
torturer to cause permanent harm to an individual." Xelloss swept up next to
Aerith and trailed his fingers under her chin. She jerked her head away and
glared at him. "You see? She is still defiant. Such an attitude could hurt
her far more than you ever would. You must show her the proper way."
"But, the pain..."
Xelloss feigned a sigh. "Cloud, pain is just a sensation. Anyone can
learn to love a sensation. That is what you must do, teach her to love the
sensation. The pain must be an extension of your love for her. If she
appreciates and loves you, then she will love the pain."
Conflicting emotions crossed Cloud's face. "Bu... How?"
"So glad you asked!" Xelloss turned towards Aerith and frowned for a
moment. "Torture is like the fine art of making love to a woman. To be
effective, you do not need pure force. Any old brute can hit someone and cause
pain, but there's so many messy side effects.
"You need to use a stroke instead of a strike. You need to be precise,
skillful... and you need variety."
Cloud narrowed his eyes. "Show me."
"Hmm..." Xelloss looked over one of the many tables containing implements
of torture (or non-torture, as Cloud's kazoo had been) and made a play at
choosing one of them, waggling his fingers over many before finally settling on
one. A small dentist's hook.
He stepped back to Aerith and slid his finger, instrument held along the
back of it, under her collarbone. Xelloss twisted his hand just slightly.
Aerith screamed.
Cloud jerked forward, his hand flying for his sword. His other hand
grabbed Xelloss and slammed him against a wall. "She screamed. You hurt her."
Xelloss sweatdropped, waving his hands defensively. "Cloud, that's just
her reaction to the sensation, it's quite normal. Aerith is fine, look. She's
not even bleeding."
Cloud turned his head, and scrutinized Aerith's form. Other than her
heavy breathing and a layer of sweat on her face, she did seem fine. "What did
you do?" he asked, releasing the Mazoku.
"Watch... more closely this time." Xelloss stepped next to the angel
again and traced his fingers along her arm. He twisted his hand, and she
screamed again. He looked at Cloud. "Do you see? You must stroke, caress, and
massage the pain into her."
"Show me again."
"Oh, no, Cloud. That will not do. While I adore Aerith like a dear and
wonderful part of our family, I'm afraid I just don't love her. YOU must
express your love, I cannot do it for you. I'll demonstrate once more."
Xelloss did, and she screamed a third time.
"Now..." The Mazoku held out the instrument to the Devil. "You give it a
try."
* * *
Daisuke froze. The hair on the back of his neck stood up at the sound of
that melodious voice. Please, he thought, please, anyone but her. He realized
that the UltraDome was not safe. Home wasn't safe. He had crashed at Jack's
apartment for the past week, and despite the willing host that Jack
(surprisingly) was, Daisuke had come through the week slightly the worse for
wear.
For the first time in months, he wasn't wearing a tuxedo for Ultra night.
It felt strange, almost like he was naked. He did not want to be naked right
now.
"Daisuke..." she called out again.
Cold sweat broke out on his brow as he turned slowly around. "Shermie!"
he said, his voice cracking high. "So nice to see you." He planted a grin on
his face and tried to keep his eyes focused on her...
No, not that part, anything but focusing on those.
"Hello, Daisuke," she cooed, stepping out of the shadows. Her arms were
crossed, one finger tapping a slow beat against her elbow. Her shoulders were
held slightly forward in a way that accentuated her...
"What do you want?" Daisuke shut his eyes and turned away.
"Daisuke, I'm worried. You've been avoiding me."
"Ah, yeah, well that's because you're a psycho bitch and you'll tear off
strips of my flesh for dinner, right?" Daisuke did not ask her. "Ah, yeah, ah,
er, um..." he stuttered instead.
She waltzed over to him. "Why don't you come with me?" She held her
fingers a hairs-breadth away from his lips. He could smell the fragrance rising
from them; sweet, but with a slight bite.
"I, ah, really don't think that's a good idea, Shermie."
"Oh, why?" she pouted. "Don't you..." She placed her hand on his chest
and gently pushed him against the wall. "care about me?"
Daisuke swallowed as she leaned her head close. He could almost see her
eyes. He thought they would be big and wide and innocent... No, wait, not
innocent. Never that for Shermie.
"I've tried so hard to get close to you, but you always run away. How can
I torture you if you're never around?" Her voice cracked. She sniffed.
"See, ah, that's the thing. I'm not really that fond of being tortured.
Y'know... the less blood that comes out of my body, the better."
"Oh, men are always like that at first. But they also all grow to love
it, in time." She pressed a nail--a very sharp nail--against the side of his
neck, then slid it down to the nook of his collarbone. "You would grow to love
it," she breathed into his ear.
Daisuke screamed. Not anything intelligible, just a naked scream of fear.
He jerked away from her and slammed into a table. Wincing and holding his side
with one arm, he held the other out to hold her off. "Now, just stay right
there," he panted. "I really don't think you understand this whole thing.
There is nothing between us. I don't want to be with you. I don't want to be
tortured. I just want to be left alone."
For a moment, Shermie stared at him, then she started giggling. An almost
girlish-vibratto, undulating and full of innocence. "Oh, you are so cute when
you're scared." She took a step towards him. "Let's play some more, Daisuke.
I like it when you run." A grin crossed her face. Daisuke imagined it as the
sort of grin a wolf gets when it spies the prize doe. "I can keep finding you,"
she continued, "Just like last week. Didn't you think that so sweet, me waiting
for you? I had to really rush while following Miss Tendou's instructions to get
there after the show..."
All thoughts of fear left Daisuke's mind. Nabiki? he thought, Why was
she telling Shermie where he lived? "Shermie," he interrupted, "Why did Nabiki
tell you where I lived?"
She stopped and smiled, a blush rising in her cheeks. "Well... I'm not
supposed to tell you, but..." She paused, tapping her index fingers together.
"But, because you asked, I found out some information for her about an Omega
person."
"Info? On who?"
Shermie waved her hand. "Oh, I don't remember. Some girl. She lost last
week."
Gally, Daisuke thought, Nabiki had Shermie find out info on Gally, and
then she lost to Darshu. It was too perfect for him to ignore.
He grabbed Shermie's hand. "Thank you, Shermie, you've been a wonderful
help, but I really have to go, now. 'Bye!" Mind whirling at the implications,
he turned and ran off in search of Jack.
"G'bye, Daisuke-kun! Don't keep me waiting! Girls don't like that, you
know!"
* * *
Nabiki smiled when he entered her office. "Schneider-baby, so glad you
could make it. Have a seat."
He took the proffered chair. In the couch off in the corner, Morrigan
affected a bored look and buffed her nails. Nabiki and Darshu stared at each
other for a long moment before he broke the silence. "What do you want... Ms.
Tendou. I thought I was going to get this week off."
"Yes, well," she shrugged, "I had to change plans just slightly."
"Great, so why didn't you tell me before? I was packed and ready to leave
when you called me."
"Oh, did I inconvenience you, Schneider-baby? I'm sorry."
He gritted his teeth and started to get up. Tarou moved from his spot
next to the door to behind Darshu and placed a hand on the Omega fighter's
shoulder. "I don't think you want to do that," the Chinese man said.
Darshu sat back down and shrugged off the hand. "Don't tempt me, boy," he
growled.
Nabiki leaned back and interlaced her fingers under her chin. "It's very
simple, Schneider-baby, you need to pull your weight more around here."
"More?" he barked, "I've just fought for three weeks in a row. Are you
trying to kill me here?"
"Schneider-baby, look at the situation. You don't really have anything to
show for all these fights. You've beat up against Dan and a pair of robot-girls
who are hardly worth remembering. And I gave you help for those."
"You want me to win, remember? I'm your precious entry into Omega."
She waved his declaration away. "I could always find someone else, you
know. If you want to be part of my organization, you're going to have to show
something for it. Like Morrigan..." Nabiki gestured towards the Succubus.
"she's fighting tonight..."
"After a week off," Darshu mumbled.
Nabiki ignored the comment. "And she is a champion." She sighed. "You
had a chance, Schneider-baby, but you gave it up."
"Hey, I proved I'm BETTER than a champion!"
She spread her arms and arched an eyebrow. "Are you? Can you honestly
say that? Naga DID win the fight, and that, I believe, is what counts. Can you
say you can really beat her? Decisively, this time?"
Darshu frowned. "You're having me fight her again?"
"Precisely," Nabiki said with a smile. "You get to fight in our anchor
match of the night, against Naga, for that Omega belt."
"Fine," he started to get up, "But I better get next week off. This is
tiring."
"Oh, is one little fight a week too much for you, Schneider-baby? I
thought you were this all-powerful demon-god or something."
He blinked. "No, that's not me." A strange frown came across his face.
"I thought your research was better than that."
Nabiki ignored the accusation. "Fine." The smile dropped from her face.
"Just don't lose, or you can find yourself some new help."
"I beat her once, I'll do it again."
"Good, that's all settled, then." She clapped her hands and stood up.
Darshu got up and turned to leave. "Oh, yes, one last thing. Tarou?"
"Right, Ms. Tendou." Tarou picked up a package and handed it to Darshu.
It sloshed.
"What's this?" Darshu asked, cocking his head at Nabiki.
"Just another bit of help," Nabiki said. "You know how to use it, I'm
sure. Remember, don't lose."
* * *
"Jack! I got something that I have to tell you!"
Controversial Jack, former God, head booker for Ultra, and agent of the
apocalypse looked up from his copy of 'HTML For Dummies.' Mr. Duck sat on his
shoulder, a pair of duck-sized glasses perched on his rubber bill. "Daisuke,
calm down. You're as excited as that buddy of yours, Heero Yui."
Daisuke gasped for breath. He leaned over, resting his hands on his
knees. His normally well applied makeup had started peeling along his hairline,
showing a band of his almost albino skin. "Hiroshi," he corrected between
pants. "But that's not important. Nabiki's been cheating!"
Jack looked at him like he'd just said, "Butter should be spread on
bread."
Mr. Duck squeaked.
"Evocatively said, Mr. Duck. I think Daisuke needs the night off, too."
Jack patted the boy on his shoulder. "You're flustered, Dai, go home and rest a
bit." He reached into his pocket and jangled through loose change to get at his
keys.
"Listen to me! She's been helping Dark Schneider win! She got Shermie to
find out some info on Gally so he knew where to attack her last week!"
For a moment, Jack just stared at Daisuke, his only movement was a few
blinks of his eyes. Then, slowly, slowly, he reached up and held the bathtoy
sitting on his shoulder.
*SQUEAK*
"Exactly right, Mr. Duck. Are we going to stand for this sort of behavior
from her? NO!" Jack stood up and started pacing in front of Daisuke. "Just
because she stole everything that I had and turned it into a sick parody of a
good, clean entertaining show simply for the purpose of making money doesn't
give her the right to start stomping on ideals. Good, strong, American ideals
like McCarthyism!"
Daisuke sweatdropped. He opened his mouth to say something, but Jack
continued full tilt.
"Why, when I started this whole business, I wanted it to stand for
something, and NOW look at what she's doing. Cheating to promote her own
fighters. Why, I've almost got a mind to go right up to that posh, overpriced
office of hers and tell her just what I think of her little regime." Jack
turned and started towards the nearest stairs.
Daisuke facepalmed, then quickly reached out and grabbed Jack's shoulder.
"Jack, you didn't didn't start this federation. That was Kasumi. And, really,
do you want to go up there while Tarou's around? Let's sit down and talk for a
moment."
"Who died and made you leader?"
"We're partners, remember?"
*SQUEAK*
"Are you against me, too, Mr. Duck?"
"We've got to come up with a better gameplan, Jack," Daisuke sighed.
"This whole practical joke and having a couple of fighters isn't going to cut
it."
"Hey," Jack waved a finger, "Nobody does a practical joke like I do."
"Right... and nobody finds them and cleans them up like Nabiki does. We
need something stronger. We know that Nabiki's cheating for Darshu, right? All
we have to do is prove it and expose her."
For once, Jack was silent.
"And," Daisuke added, "We need some more clout for our fighters. I still
think that--"
"No," Jack said.
"Don't be like that, Jack, it's for our own good."
"No."
"If you'd just consider i--"
"No," Jack interrupted again.
"C'mon, I'm part of this, too, and I say that we--"
"No!"
"Then who do you have in mind? They're the only one's we can--"
"I said 'No!' and I mean it. I'm not asking those two idiots for
anything. Period."
*SQUEAK*
"I think," Daisuke said quickly, "That Mr. Duck agrees with me."
"What?"
*SQUEAK*
"See?" A smug smile crossed the clone's face.
"Mr. Duck! Again you betray me? Am I surrounded by enemies?"
"Think about it, Jack. They're already champions, so you don't even need
to push that. They've been oddly effective recently."
"Right. Effective." Jack took a long look at the white-washed walls
around them. "Knowing our luck, how long will that last? And how are you
goinig to get them to join us?"
"I think that's your job, not mine. You could offer them protection. I
think, between Shingo and Sakura, that we can provide that."
"Why can't we just ask that mallet girl?" Jack whined.
"Akane? Do we really need a third Gamma fighter? She's a friend and
all..." Daisuke trailed off. He shook his head. "We need variety. We need
Team Rocket."
"Right. You talk to them."
"Me? Why me?"
Jack smiled. "Because I'm going to be busy otherwise, tonight. Biki's
cheating her way to victory. I've got to start some counter-programming on
site."
* * *
Up. Down. Catch. Up. Down. Catch.
Ash Ketchum snatched the sparkling item from its freefall, running his
fingers over the smooth surface. Behind him, Misty looked up curiously from the
VCR. "What's that, Ash?" He turned and showed the small piece of blue jewelry
to her; she half-smiled in recognition. "Why're you looking at that now?"
The Cascade Badge gleamed under the hard fluorescents of the pair's
dressing room as Ash turned it back and forth, seemingly lost in its movements.
Putting that one away, he instead took out the Thunder Badge, trailing his
finger over the sharp lines. Finally he spoke. "I'm the best, right? I have
all the badges. I'm... I'm the best, right, Misty?"
She slowly replied, "You worked hard for all of the badges, Ash. And you
won them."
"I... yeah. Yeah, Misty. I know that, I know... but then why have we
been stuck back in this room for the past two months? I was one of the first
people here, and they're just ignoring me!" He sighed, then brightened. "It'll
all be okay after tonight, though! We're finally getting our shot, we're
finally getting what we deserve!"
"That's the spirit, Ash!" Misty smiled at him. "We'll show all of them
what great trainers we are, right?"
"Right!"
"Right!"
"Pika!"
The two kids turned, wide-eyed, to see the newcomer waiting in their
doorway. Ash grinned madly and swept up Pikachu. "Heeeey! This is great,
Pikachu! You came back! Gonna cheer us on when we win the championship, huh?"
"Pika, pi chu chu..." the electric mouse explained.
Ash frowned slightly and knelt, setting Pikachu back on the ground. "You
didn't come to watch us?"
Pikachu shook his head, and waved one paw fiercely. "Piiii.... kachu!"
"What, you're better friends with Blanka than me?" Ash glanced over to
one side, avoiding Pikachu's gaze. "Don't you want to come back?"
"Chu... pika...." Pikachu slowly said, putting one paw on Ash's knee and
patting it gently. "Pika. Pichu." It then proceeded to rattle off a string of
chirping noises, just as it had when Ash had been its partner.
Only, Ash hadn't been Pikachu's partner for a very long time. The pre-
teen stared, not understanding, as Pikachu talked, unable to pick up on anything
but the fact that Pikachu apparently wouldn't leave Blanka for him. "I thought
I was your best friend, Pikachu!"
"Chuuu..."
"Well, fine! I've been doing okay without you for a long time now, and if
Blanka is your best friend now, then you should be his partner, right?"
"PICHU!" Pikachu squealed, hitting Ash's knee and looking rather
frustrated. "Chu, pii.... KA!" Shaking its head, Pikachu ran off, flashing one
last look back at Ash before it left.
A silence hung over the dressing room for a long moment; Misty finally
broke it. "Maybe Pikachu just doesn't want to abandon Blanka, Ash. I know I'd
feel bad if I was him."
Ash stared back at her. "Then he just should've said so."
Misty sighed.
* * *
"I want my fight."
Nabiki Tendou, owner and head booker for Ultra, looked up from her nails.
"Hmm? Did you say something?"
Gally rested her hands on Nabiki's desk, and leaned foward. The desk
creaked just slightly as the cyborg stared. Tarou took a step from his position
beside the door. "Watch it, Tarou," Gally said without turning. "You don't want
me pissed at you."
Tarou snorted. "What makes you think you could do anything to me?"
"Relax," she said, turning her head towards him, "I'm not going to hurt
your boss." A small giggle, almost girlish, emerged from Gally's throat. "I
wouldn't want you to be lost, having no hoops to jump through." She heard Tarou
growl, but turned her attention back towards Nabiki. "I said I want my fight.
Against Mewtwo."
"Oh? Already? I had thought you would have wanted to rest up a bit after
your crushing defeat last week."
"I'm ready, and I want my fight. Tonight." Gally stood back and smirked.
"You owe it to me."
"Do I?" Nabiki blinked innocently. "What makes you say that?"
"You said I could fight him after I faced someone else."
"Yes... so I did? I also said you had to give a better showing for
yourself."
"Which I did! I almost had him, it was just those damn weapons that kept
getting in my way."
Nabiki arched an eyebrow. After a pause, the Battle Angel continued, "It
doesn't matter. I still fought better than I did against B-Ko or Mewtwo."
A short laugh escaped Nabiki's lips. "Oh, I'm afraid that you're wrong
there, Gally. See, I did not see anything impressive about your battle last
week. Mr. Schneider had you on the edge from the beginning, and you never
managed to gain any advantages."
Gally opened her mouth to argue, then clicked it shut. Her eyes narrowed.
There was something else up here.
"What I meant was that you must get a win," Nabiki continued, "Until you
prove that you can do that, I'm afraid I cannot see the reason to grant any
request for you." An almost imperceptible shrug crossed her shoulders. "In
fact, I can barely see the reason to keep you around here. You or your loser
cohorts. Oh, you sound great and wonderful with your name 'CyberGrrlz'..."
Nabiki paused, her eyes mocking Gally. "But really, all three of you are dead
weight here. Without Washuu, you don't have a proven success record among you.
You can't win anymore, that idiot cat will never win, and..." Her forehead
creased. "What was the name of that other one, again? Silver-haired girl, very
quiet."
"Ifurita," Gally said through gritted teeth.
"Yes, her." Nabiki's grin turned predatory. "When was the last time she
even fought? Much less won."
Gally remained silent in reply, teeth still pressed firmly together.
Nabiki clapped. "But I CAN be a forgiving owner. Not like Jack. He was
the devil, you know? So, here's what you--all three of you--are going to do.
You are going to start making a strong showing for yourself, or you shall find
yourself out the door. Is that clear?"
"What about my fight?"
"Oh, don't be naive. I'm not going to give you anything until you give me
something. I'll give you a fight, however." Nabiki tapped her computer screen
with the eraser-end of a pencil. "Hmm... It seems that Sephiroth is free,
tonight."
Gally blinked. She felt Tarou's hand on her shoulder. "Okay, you've
taken up enough of Miss Tendou's time. You got a fight, now get out of here."
"Oh, and Gally!" Nabiki called. "Good luck. You WILL need it."
* * *
LIVE!
FROM THE UltraDome!
THE BIGGEST SPECTACLE
IN ANIME AND VIDEO GAME
SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
AND IMPROFANFIC!
IT'S TIME FOR...
{ M A G I C A L T R O U B L E S H O O T I N G }
{ C R O S S O V E R F I G H T I N G }
{ F E D E R A T I O N }
{ .-----------. }
{ | U-L-T-R-A | }
{ `-----------' }
{ http://www.improfanfic.com }
Episode #45: Lots of People Hurting Each Other
This Episode Written By: Damien Roc
Additional Material Provided By: Kristen Smirnov
Brian Stricklin
Chris Nichols
and Twoflower
MTCFF Ultra created by Twoflower
* * *
Hiroshi had a secret. Nothing majorly important, mind, but still a
secret. It was the sort of secret no one would really consider a secret, but it
helped him immensely and probably helped him keep a (somewhat tenuous) hold on
sanity. Maybe, just maybe, it saved his life even his life.
Week after week, month after month, he was there behind that table and the
UltraDome Was Loud (tm) all around him. It gave him an amazing thrill. The way
the reverberating bass from those tens of thousands of voices swept down among
the chairs and caused the very foundation of the building to rumble slightly.
That in turn gave a pleasant roll in the base of his stomach.
He loved that. He didn't know why, because he never really liked
earthquakes, despite the fact they produced much the same result (although they
tended to take a lot less time and had a number of nasty side effects, like that
time he was sleeping and the books from the shelf above his bed fell on him; he
didn't get back to sleep that night, only partially because he was hammering a
new shelf in that wouldn't provide such a hazard to his nocturnal duties.)
But, truth be told, besides that feeling, the UltraDome Was Loud (tm)
effect could cause a number of nasty side effects of its own. Split and
bleeding eardrums weren't really high on Hiroshi's list of things he wanted to
have happen to him, so he had a secret. A secret defense: earplugs.
Not just any normal, run-of-the-mill earplugs, but the real industrial
strength, you-could-go-and-fire-off-a-Desert-Eagle-next-to-my-head-and-it-
wouldn't-bother-me type of earplugs.
It hadn't taken him long to figure this out. Before he had died, Hiroshi
didn't use earplugs, just like Daisuke. But clones had more sensitive ears, and
desperate measures were required. It hadn't taken Daisuke long after his own
initial death to pick up on this fact, as well.
Tarou, on the other hand, was woefully ignorant. Next to Hiroshi, the
martial artist was already massaging his temples.
Hiroshi smiled. He liked small victories like that, especially against
bullies.
"WELCOME TO THE SHOW!" he shouted into the mike. There was science to
announcing. One had to know how to top the crowd in just the right way. "ARE
YOU READY?"
"Yes, I think it's readily obvious that they are ready, clone-boy."
"FOR SOME..." Hiroshi let the syllable linger, then die off. Build it,
build it, let the screaming rush into the void then, bam! "ULTRAAAAAAA!!!!"
And, whoom, the crowd responds, "VIOLENCE!!!!!"
Out of the corner of his eye, Hiroshi saw Tarou scrunch his eyes shut for
the briefest moment. He had dubbed this the UltraDome Was Loud Effect.
"And have we got a..."
"Typical," Tarou interrupted, his condescending demeanor back in place,
showing no reaction to the din.
"..." Hiroshi glared at Tarou. "A GREAT lineup for you tonight, folks.
For those of you keeping score at ho--"
Ripping heavy metal started blaring from the speakers, cutting him off.
Hiroshi's head whipped around to see who was coming down the ramp. "It's Dark
Schneider!" he shouted, "Darshu is in the house!"
"Obviously, clone-boy. You're as astute as ever." Tarou had a smug smile
on his face; more smug than usual. "Oh, and call him Dark Schneider."
"Sure, Pantyhose Tarou," Hiroshi almost shot back in frustration. He
stiffled it.
"What brings Dark Schneider to the stage, ladies and gentlemen? He's
calling for a mike! What could he want?"
Darshu tapped his foot impatiently while an aide brought him a mike. He
almost ripped the device out of the intern's hand, then pushed the young man
away. The silver-maned sorcerer gave a half shrug of his shoulders, a lopsided
smile sitting easily on his face. His gaze travelled slowly back and forth over
the crowd as he waited.
"Dark Schneider has fought in every Ultra since UltraRage Delta!" Hiroshi
said almost in a whisper. "He was reported to have the night off. What could
have brought him here?"
In response to this, Darshu shot Hiroshi a glare for interrupting his
entrance. After a brief surge in energy from Hiroshi's announcement, the crowd
began to die out, until only a few pockets continued to scream and shout, waving
their "Akane Can Get Hardcore With Me!" and "Fight Morrigan And WIN Either Way!"
signs.
"There is a new reign in Ultra!" Darshu declared, "It is time for the
detritus to be swept away. This federation has let these lackluster individuals
leech off of the true fighters for too long!"
A few cheers rose from the crowd before he continued. "It is far past
time that these weeds got cleared out, so that real champions can shine as
they're meant to be. Real flesh-and-blood champions!
"In the past two weeks, I have obliterated the inferior machines in Omega.
It's a joke to have called them fights; I didn't even break a sweat. I would
continue to prove that these doll-puppets have no place in an honest fighting
federation run by one such as Nabiki Tendou... but I must set my goals higher.
"Far worse an offense is the current holder of the Omega belt. When last
I faced Naga the Pale Worm, I lost. By my own choice I lost. That was a
mistake. To allow her to continue to hold that belt has marred the greatness it
once stood for." Darshu paused to let the thought sink in.
"Wait a minute," Hiroshi started quietly, "When was the last time anyone
cared about the Ome--" He stopped when a hand clamped down on his shoulder.
"Watch it, clone-boy. You're supposed to support Schneider, remember?"
Hiroshi swallowed.
"While true fighters like myself have been showing their mettle week in
and week out, Naga has sat on her fat thighs getting drunk. She can't even keep
her clothes on, sacrificing the dignity of the belt for a cheap peep-show on
international television!"
A few in the crowd, particularly in the nosebleed section, started
cheering at the memory of the UltraRage.
"And YOU people are scum for getting off on it! You're just as bad as she
is, falling for some tits and ass like that!"
The cheers immediately turned to boos. Darshu raised his voice to be
heard over them. "This farce ends tonight! Naga, I'm challenging you to your
belt. I've already proved I can beat you, now I'm going to prove that I'm the
true champion."
"Holy LINA!" Hiroshi exclaimed. "Dark Schneider has just issued a
challenge for the Omega Belt to be fought TONIGHT! Naga has held on to her
championship longer than anyone else in Ultra history! Will that reign
continue?"
"Unlikely, given that she can't fight. Schneider was just warming himself
up over the past few weeks, he'll be champion by the end of the night, just you
watch."
Several in the crowd started to flip their heads to the right and left,
apparently assuming that Naga would be among them to answer the challenge.
And indeed she did. "OOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!" The speakers shuddered.
Several audience members clapped hands across their ears, but the look of
amazement and surprise on their faces did not leave as they did so. Eardrum-
splitting sound was not unfamiliar in the UltraDome.
The UltraTron flared to life, enlarging Naga's features to larger-than-
larger than life. "You are quite mistaken! I am even MORE formidable than
before. I accept your challenge and you shall see how strong an opponent Naga
the White Serpent truly is."
Darshu smiled. "See you on the battlefield, then!" He mock-saluted, spun
on his heel and marched backstage.
"Yes! Run you little man, I shall defeat you again and you know it!
OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO--" The UltraTron winked out, cutting off the rest of Naga's
laugh.
"And we have another match for this evening! Check this, ladies and
gentlemen, but now there are not one, not two, but THREE amazing title matches
here for your pleasure this evening!" Hiroshi took a deep breath while the
crowd cheered their marked-out hearts out. "Also, coming off their previous
defeats to Dark Schneider, the CyberGrrlz Gally and Nuku Nuku each have a
battle. How amazing will this night be?"
"Probably no more than normal," Tarou ho-hummed.
"That's not all, though! The Challenge Match between Ranma Saotome and
Marlo Semaj will be issued tonight! But FIRST, we've got a match between Blanka
and Pikachu and Team Samurai! Coming right your way!"
"Great, the biggest losers against the biggest jokes. This'll be a
showstopper."
* * *
The energy balls came fast and furious, tearing into the rocky landscape
and sending up blasts of rocks and dust that threatened to tear Nuku Nuku's
clothes to shreds. She darted to and fro around each blast as it erupted in the
air, attempting to get an angle on her attacker.
A sphere of light flashed in front of her and slammed into the ground.
"Nya?" she emoted but didn't waste any time in leaping. Her attempt to clear
the imminent blast sent her rocketing into the air as they hyper-pressurized
jacks in her legs extended to their fullest. At the last instant before leaving
the ground, she caught a glimpse of her opponent and adjusted her trajectory a
minute amount for an intercept.
Before she had even risen ten feet, the ground erupted. The rush of air
flipped her head over heels. A moment later, something slammed into her back
and sent her hurtling for the ground again. A small crater cracked out around
her as she landed.
"Owie," she whimpered. Another energy ball impacted the ground only a few
feet from her position. Debris rained down on her from the succeeding eruption,
bringing a grimace to her face. It had seemed such an easy goal, at first.
Just like playing tag, she had thought.
Wrong thought. More energy blasts rained down on her. She scampered
around, dodging them as they came. At least they weren't fast and furious. The
problem, she realized, was not that dodging was too difficult, rather that she
could dodge, or she could attack, but not both. Especially with her opponent
being so far above the ground.
How could she get close enough to make an attack?
As she skittered over some uneven ground, the answer came to her. Barely
slowing her stride, she scooped a rock up and angled for a mineral outcropping.
The blasts trailed behind her. She gave a glance back to see her opponent
following from on high.
Thirty feet from the outcropping, she jumped. In mid-air she twisted her
body around and came down almost horizontal, bending her legs on impact. With
the barest pause, she shoved off again.
The next energy blast came right towards her. Nuku Nuku drew her arm back
and threw. The rock took off like it had been fired from a howitzer...
And it missed low.
The energy blast hit Nuku Nuku head on, killing all her momentum. She
dropped like a brick.
The impact with the ground drove the air out of her lungs. She spent a
few precious moments catching her breath. In that time, she heard someone drop
lightly to the ground next to her. She cracked opened her eyes and looked up at
the figure standing over her. "Anou... Sorry, Ifurita-san. I tried, but I
couldn't get close to you."
The android-girl swung her weapon around until the end of it just barely
didn't touch Nuku Nuku's nose. "You could be dead, right now, Nuku Nuku," she
said.
The cat-cyborg felt the barest hint of heat coming off of the three prongs
at the end of the power-key staff. "Nya!" She shook her head and scooted away,
batting at her nose.
"Still--" Ifurita pulled the staff away, again and reached an arm forward
to help Nuku Nuku up. "--you had a good... tactic."
"Wai! Thanks Ifurita-san!" Nuku Nuku hopped up and hugged her newfound
mentor. Ifurita started under her embrace, but relaxed minutely after a moment
and placed a comforting hand on her back.
"Ne, Ifurita-san?" Nuku inquired, pulling away. "Why don't you show me
some of Akuma's attacks? I'm fighting him tonight."
Ifurita frowned slightly before answering. The pair started walking to
the portal entrance of the CyberGrrlz workout center. They weren't quite sure
how Washuu had put the area together, or whether it was a newly constructed room
each time they enterered or an egress to completely new worlds.
"My experience with Akuma has been limited," Ifurita answered slowly. "I
did not fare well in either battle against him." She paused, her gaze traveling
to the horizon.
Nuku Nuku bit her lip. If Ifurita had a hard time against Akuma, she
feared how well she would fare against him.
"He was also different when I faced him," Ifurita continued, "I cannot
guess at what his capabilities are, and therefore cannot mimic them."
"Oh..." The pair drifted into silence as they reentered the laboratory.
For a moment, the aire of silence hit them and stopped their movement. Nuku
Nuku looked around. Nothing seemed out of place, yet the lab had an empty
quality that she had not noticed before..
Then Gally entered in from the opposite entrance--the one from the
UltraDome--and broke the effect. She stopped and cocked her head at the pair.
"Hey, guys, something wrong?" She grabbed a remote control and flipped on the
large flat-panel screen built into one wall. "The show's starting."
Nuku Nuku was still amazed at the size and power of everything in Washuu's
lab. It was so much more interesting than back home at Papa-san's. She still
hadn't worked up the nerve to play with the colorful buttons, yet. Ifurita-san
and Gally-san hadn't warned her AGAINST it, but the quiet reverence they kept
for the lab's true owner got through even to Nuku Nuku.
Still, despite that there was enough to keep Nuku Nuku occupied. She
planted herself on the floor and gazed up at the huge screen, eyes agape and jaw
dropped.
Then Dark Schneider appeared on screen, and she growled. She heard Gally
gasp behind her. As the man worked through his speech, Nuku Nuku began to see
red. It wasn't fair, the way he was talking.
"I would kill him" Gally said, "But I have bigger things to worry about."
Ifurita was silent. Nuku Nuku felt this dark presence emanating from her
friend, and turned away from the TV. The Demon-God stared unblinking at the
screen, even as the first fight began. Then she closed her eyes, shook her
head, and the moment was over.
"Come, Nuku Nuku," she said, "It's time to get ready for your match."
* * *
"It's time for our first match of the evening, folks," Hiroshi gushed.
"So far it's been kept under wraps at Nabiki's... er... I mean, Miss Tendo's
insistence, but I have no doubts that we're in for a HIGH ENERGY match!"
"No, we're not." His co-announcer was obviously not letting Hiroshi's
enthusiasm get to him, and had propped his feet up on the table and was resting
his eyes. "It'll be a slaughter."
"I take it you know something I don't?"
Tarou opened one eye and glanced at his pale-haired counterpart. "There's
a *hell* of a lot of things I know that you don't, clone-boy. Let's just say
it's nothing you need to wet your pants over."
"C'mon, Tarou! WORK wiiiii... uh... that is... okay." Hiroshi mopped his
brow--he still hadn't gotten the hang of censoring himself like this. "Anyway,
there's no need for more speculation--the fighters are about to be announced!"
Indeed, the ring announcer had climbed into position and raised the
microphone. "This match is scheduled for one fall. First, at a combined
wattage of fifty thousand volts..." He peered at his card at that, then
shrugged and continued, "...the official Biggest Losers of Ultra... Pikachu and
Blanka!"
The audience completely failed to jump to its feet and cheer as the Lambda
team made their way to the ring. It's not that they were booed by the crowd--in
fact, there were still a fair number of supporters in attendance, who called and
cheered as best they could--but compared to the usual deafening wall of noise
present in the UltraDome, it didn't amount to much at all.
The two fighters reached the end of the ramp and entered the ring; Blanka
leapt inside with a fierce battle howl, flexing his green muscles impressively,
while Pikachu (who was still rather depressed after his meeting with Ash) just
climbed the steps and ducked under the bottom rope.
"And to introduce their opponents," the announcer continued, "the owner of
Ultra herself, Miss Nabiki Tendo!"
Dressed in a well-tailored and very expensive business suit, her hair
perfectly groomed, Nabiki sauntered out from the wings and smirked down at the
ring. The huge screen next to her followed her every move, and allowed Pikachu
and Blanka to get a good look at her smug expression.
This did not bode well.
"Look at them down there," she began, speaking into the microphone a
stagehand had provided. "I don't blame you people for not caring--they *are*
the Biggest Losers, after all. They're lucky I didn't just throw them out on
their furry butts." She smiled that smile again. "However... as long as
they're here, they're going to earn their keep. So first I decided to book them
in an interesting match. Say... a Tornado Tag match--all four people in the
ring at the same time."
The audience murmured, and the two already in the ring seemed a bit
relieved. That didn't seem too bad...
Nabiki wasn't finished yet, though. "But then I remembered last week's
little fiasco." Her voice turned mocking. "Hey, they don't like cheating, do
they? We can't have any cheating." She shrugged. "So I solved that little
problem..." Pikachu and Blanka looked hopeful. "...by making this a 'no
disqualification' match as well. In other words, EVERYTHING is legal."
This time there was more of a surprised reaction from the crowd, and the
fighters definitely didn't like the sound of that. "Well," Hiroshi commented,
"that *does* technically prevent cheating, but it puts Pikachu and Blanka at
something of a disadvantage--both of them are pretty much clean fighters."
"Or they would be if they took baths more often," Tarou added dryly.
"Anyway, shut up for a minute--it's about to get even better."
Once the mutters and shouted comments from the crowd had died down, Nabiki
raised the microphone again. "And who better," she announced, "to take part in
a match where cheating is legal... than Haohmaru and Tatewaki Kunou--the
Samurai!"
Even those who'd been neutral towards Pikachu and Blanka raised their
voices in outrage at this development, and the UltraDome was filled with the
audience's protests. The Samurai were totally unmoved by the jeers and
insulting chants, focusing all their attention toward their unlucky opponents.
Hiroshi, for his part, was stunned. "I think I'm going to have to cast my
vote for 'slaughter', as well."
Next to him, Tarou was smug and ever-so-slightly amused. "Hey, nobody
gives a damn about the animals in a regular fight, so why not mangle them in the
name of better ratings?"
The Samurai began to stride down the ramp, taking a slow and methodical
pace in order to psych out their opponents. In addition to his standard bokken,
Kunou was carrying a small satchel of uncertain contents, tucked securely under
one arm. Haohmaru, meanwhile, had set aside his reverse-bladed sword in favor
of his traditional katana, and his stern gaze passed over the angry crowd, the
pokemon and mutant in the ring, the monkey on the camera, the flashing lights,
the...
The what?
His gaze was drawn back, and there was indeed a small brown monkey perched
on one of the cameras. It grinned at him, then jumped down and vanished into
the crowd.
For one merciful moment, Haohmaru was speechless.
"Sensei?" Kunou peered at the older man, a bit worried. "Are you well?"
"AH... I AM FINE, MY SLIGHTLY LESS THAN LEGENDARY APPRENTICE!" He swung
his sword a few times. "NEVER BETTER! LET US ENTER THE RING AND DEAL CERTAIN
DEFEAT TO THESE PRIMITIVE CREATURES!"
Nabiki watched them with a grin, showing no intention of leaving her
position at the top of the ramp.
][ LAMBDA MATCH #1--TORNADO TAG NO-DISQUALIFICATION MATCH
][ THE SAMURAI vs. PIKACHU/BLANKA
][ FIGHT!
"ENLIGHTENMENT!" Whatever was bothering Haohmaru, he wasn't going to
dwell on it. "GIVE IT TO THEM NOW, MY STUDENT!"
"Yes, sensei!" Kunou tucked a hand into the satchel. "Samurai Special
Surprise Attack, Number One!" Their opponents took defensive postures, ready
for anything...
...except the small plate that Kunou produced, holding it out toward the
huge green mutant. "Have a cookie."
Being a creature of base impulses, Blanka shrugged and grabbed the plate
of sweet-smelling confectionaries, preparing to chow down. His partner, having
rather more experience with such lame traps, pikaaaed a warning and let loose a
thunderbolt, knocking the plate from Blanka's grasp and scattering its contents
hither and yon.
"Wow!" Hiroshi wasn't really that impressed by the Samurai's first move,
but he had to keep up appearances. "A really... ingenious plan, expertly
countered by Pikachu!"
Tarou snickered. "I never knew the little rat was afraid of cookies,
though."
One of the items in question had landed on the announcer's table, and
Hiroshi sniffed it cautiously. "This is a Kodachi Special," he explained,
"loaded with sleeping powder. Kunou's sister used to make them to trap Ranma."
His co-announcer rolled his eyes. "Yet another reason I don't spend much
time around Nerima..."
"At any rate, Blanka doesn't look too happy about being shocked. Even
with an indirect hit, that bolt must've hurt!"
Indeed, the mutant was less than pleased at his partner, and the pair
exchanged a brief assortment of grunts and pikas. Taking advantage of this
distraction, Haohmaru reached into his gi and pulled out an object so terrifying
that many of the audience dove for cover under their seats. (Though, given the
state of stadium floors in general, most of them immediately regretted it.)
"OH MY LINA!" Despite his high-quality earplugs, Hiroshi was definitely
in a panic. "He's got a MEGAPHONE!"
The legendary one raised the bullhorn high. "SAMURAI SPECIAL SURPRISE
ATTACK, NUMBER TWO!" There was a brief squeal of feedback, then:
"[[[ENLIGHTENMENT!]]]"
The resulting sonic pulse registered a cool 4.2 Richter at the local
Geological Monitoring Station, and sent Pikachu and Blanka stumbling back under
its assault. Fortunately the force fields around the arena kicked in before the
audience was pulverized as well.
After recovering from the attack, the two electric fighters exchanged
nods. There would be time to argue later--for now, they had to concentrate on
the fight.
The battle resumed in earnest.
* * *
High above the ring, kneeling amidst the lighting grid, the Kunou family
ninja watched the fight progress. There was a bucket of water by his side,
ready to douse the electric pokemon below when Sasuke's master gave the word.
The down side, of course, was that he couldn't quite remember what the
word *was*. In the hustle and bustle of setting up for the match, Sasuke had
forgotten exactly which Samurai Special Surprise Attack he was supposed to be.
Was it fifteen? Or sixteen? Master Kunou had written the number down for his
servant, but since he wrote it on Sasuke's forehead, it wasn't much of a help.
At this point, the rat-like ninja didn't have much choice but to keep close tabs
on the battle, hoping that Kunou would give him some sign when it was his turn.
In other words, all his attention was on the fight. He therefore failed
to notice the fierce, animal snarl until the creature was right on top of him,
and by that time it was far too late.
* * *
So far, the match had been largely one-sided in favor of the Samurai. Not
only did they use their cheating attacks to good effect, but they also included
displays of the swordsmanship they'd become famous for. Blanka's tough,
leathery skin sported numerous small cuts, and Pikachu's superior agility was
all that kept the pokemon from a similar fate. The 'Biggest Losers' had managed
to launch a few attacks of her own, but nothing that would win the day for them.
While Haohmaru kept Blanka busy in a clash of blade-versus-claw, Kunou
knocked the yellow pokemon away from him. Pikachu paused for a moment, glaring
at the bokken-wielding human--the two of them had faced each other many times
before, and as always Kunou's endurance and resilience was getting on the
electric mouse's nerves.
Kunou sensed his opponent's hesitation, and raised his bokken high.
"Samurai Special Surprise Attack, Number Fourteen! Vengeance from the heavens!"
Pikachu's gaze snapped upwards, and saw...
...nothing.
This was odd enough that it made the other fighters pause in mid-clash. A
dry wind swept across the ring as Kunou posed impressively, waiting for an
attack that never came.
He scowled. "I said, Samurai Special Surprise Attack, Number Fourteen!"
This doubled the previous results--that is to say, still nothing.
"Sasuke, you worthless troll! Can you not even follow simple
instructions? I demand that you come down here this instant!"
There are, of course, certain rules as to the causality of events in the
universe. It should be no surprise, therefore, that as soon as he made that
demand, a small dark-clad figure fell bonelessly from the framework above the
ring, landing on Kunou with a metallic thunk.
"Holy cow!" Hiroshi was on his feet in excitement. "It's the infamous
Falling Bucket-Head Man Maneuver! What a dastardly cheating technique on the
part of the Samurai!"
Tarou growled and yanked his counterpart back down. "Were you *born* this
stupid, or what? Even if that *was* an actual technique, which I doubt, it
looks like it backfired in a major way..."
It was, needless to say, Sasuke, and as Hiroshi had pointed out the
ninja's head was stuffed securely in a bucket. His clothes were tattered, and
an echoing moan emerged from the bucket as a battered Kunou climbed out from
under him.
"Treacherous cur! How dare you strike your master thusly!" Kunou booted
his servant to the side, and Sasuke rolled under the ropes and out of the ring.
"You'll pay for your villainy later."
"ENOUGH OF THAT, STUDENT," Haohmaru barked, sending Blanka stumbling back
with a well-placed kick. "IT IS TIME FOR THE NEXT LEGENDARY ATTACK!"
"Yes, sensei! Samurai Special Surprise Attack, Number Fifteen!" Kunou
bravely approached Blanka, who loomed over him, arms spread wide to tear the
kendoist to pieces... and the young man abruptly grabbed out with his free hand,
snatching at the mutant's face. "Hah! Stupid creature--you have fallen for the
most powerful technique of all. You are now helpless against me, for I,
Tatewaki Kunou... HAVE YOUR NOSE!"
The arena was filled with the sound of facefaults.
Nonplused, Blanka leaned down to peer at Kunou's clenched fist, possibly
wondering why the nub protruding from his opponent's fingers wasn't properly
green. This was, as it turned out, an unwise move, as it gave Kunou the perfect
opportunity to extend said fingers and jab them into the hairy creature's beady
little eyes.
Blanka roared in pain and stumbled back, temporarily blinded. He'd get
the stupid human for that! The mutant threw himself forward into a spinning
cannonball, which flew toward the still-gloating Kunou with surprising accuracy.
This was a pity, since Pikachu had placed himself between Blanka and
Kunou, trying to protect his partner while charging up for a return attack.
Mutant, human, and pokemon were knocked about from the force of the
attack, and Haohmaru desperately dove to get out of the way. When the dust
cleared, Kunou was tangled in the ropes on one side of the right, clearly
unconscious. After recovering from Kunou's Stooge-like attack, Blanka roared in
victory... until he saw Pikachu at his feet, dazed and belly-up.
"Not bad," Tarou admitted grudgingly. "The furball took bokken-boy out
for the count. Almost took out the rat at the same time, though."
"But it looks like Pikachu's still conscious!" Hiroshi countered, as the
pokemon got woozily to his feet and shook his head. "The 'Biggest Losers of
Ultra' have survived this grueling match and emerged as winners after all!"
In the ring, Blanka peered at his partner and picked him up, rumbling
various apologetic grunts. For his part, Pikachu didn't seem thrilled with the
huge mutant, but after all they'd won the match--no harm, no foul.
When Blanka moved to the edge of the ring, though, he was interrupted by
the amplified clearing of a throat. He and Pikachu looked up at Nabiki, still
at her position at the top of the ramp. "Where," she asked, "do you two think
you're going?"
The pair made assorted noises of a 'Who, us?' nature.
"Yes, you. I guess I failed to mention something about this fight." She
grinned widely as their expressions began to fall. "You see, this is a Tornado
Tag... No-DQ... HANDICAP match!"
Hiroshi was boggled. "What?!"
"You two lose if either of you goes down," the owner of Ultra explained,
"but the only way you win is by defeating... BOTH Samurai."
The two heavily wounded and fatigued fighters turned to look at Haohmaru--
also damaged, but not nearly so much as Pikachu or Blanka, and clearly ready to
go another round as he grinned viciously at them.
"After all, we have to keep our customers entertained." She turned and
exited with a wave over her shoulder. "Have fun, boys."
"That... that's just unfair!" Hiroshi sputtered. "They're in no shape to
face Haohmaru, even two-on-one! This has to be the lowest, most despicable..."
The pale-haired clone suddenly became aware of Tarou's presence looming over
him. "Uh... I mean... good plan, Miss Tendo."
Haohmaru, standing in one corner of the ring, took a mouthful of sake and
blew it out over his katana. "YOU HAVE FARED WELL AGAINST MY MOST LEGENDARY
SELF AND MY GRADUALLY-BECOMING-MORE-LEGENDARY STUDENT, DIRTY AND FLEA-BEARING
CREATURES, BUT NOW IT IS TIME TO END THIS CHARADE!" He reached into his gi once
more, producing what looked like a garage door opener. "SAMURAI SPECIAL
SURPRISE ATTACK, FINAL PHASE!"
He pressed the button, and suddenly...
...nothing happened. Again. *This* time, though, Haohmaru didn't seem
concerned with the lack of effect, and tossed the remote aside with a confident
grin.
Pikachu and Blanka exchanged glances, then the jungle mutant shrugged and
executed his favorite cannonball maneuver--hey, if it worked once...
The samurai's smirk grew even wider, and he jumped high into the air.
Blanka continued onward, slamming into the turnbuckle... which exploded, sending
the mutant flying backward to land in a heap in the middle of the ring.
"What the... they've replaced the turnbuckle pads with contact
explosives!" Hiroshi could tell his adrenaline levels were rising to dangerous
levels, but at the moment he didn't care. "That button must have been the
activation switch!"
"Pika!" The yellow pokemon ran over to his injured friend, then glared at
Haohmaru in a cute-yet-threatening manner, sparks leaping from his cheeks as he
charged up. "Piiiikaaaa... CHUUUUUU!"
The thunderbolt arced out and slammed into Haohmaru but, as had been shown
several times that night, he didn't seem much affected by the blast. He laughed
confidently. "FOOLISH BEAST!" He lifted a foot and pointed at his rather
unusual footwear. "THE SPECIAL INSULATED SHOES I WAS GIVEN MAKE ME INVULNERABLE
TO YOUR PUNY ATTACKS!"
Unfortunately, his katana didn't share his invulnerability, and the
electric shock ignited its coating of sake. The flaming blade was a cool
effect, but it quickly heated the metal to intolerable levels, and Haohmaru was
forced to drop the weapon, gripping his hand in pain.
While the samurai was distracted, a battered, singed, and extremely
enraged Blanka rose from the mat, roaring ferociously. He grabbed Haohmaru and,
after delivering a few stunning head butts, hurled his luckless opponent into
the nearest turnbuckle. The explosion knocked Haohmaru to the floor, where he
lay in a twitching heap, still trying to get to his feet.
Blanka obviously wasn't finished yet, though, and he stomped toward the
fallen samurai with blood in his eyes. All the frustration and humiliation of
the match had taken their toll, and he was looking forward to putting his
opponent down for good.
He reached for Haohmaru, claws and fangs at the ready... and Pikachu, who
apparently had the same idea, jumped over his partner, bounced off his head, and
dived toward the samurai with sparks flying. "Piiikaaaa..."
A huge meaty hand grabbed the pokemon, and Blanka pulled Pikachu up to eye
level, growling angrily. Before long Pikachu had squirmed free and the two were
engaged in what appeared to be a heated argument.
Though not normally inclined toward such things, Tarou produced a
sweatdrop. "Any idea what they're saying?"
"Uh... Meowth usually does the translating," Hiroshi explained. "I'd
guess that this was the straw that broke the camel's back..."
The two fighters continued to argue, their voices raised, and probably
would have kept on doing so if not for the fact that Haohmaru, taking advantage
of the momentary break, had retrieved his sword and gotten to his feet. He rose
over the quarreling pair, katana lifted high and a fierce gleam in his eye.
Pikachu and Blanka were too preoccupied to notice, and it would be an easy
matter to knock either one of them out.
"This match is over!" Hiroshi shouted. "The winners are-"
For the second time that match, someone fell from the lighting grid. This
time, however, it was a controlled fall, aimed directly at Haohmaru--he barely
had time to scream in surprise before the figure landed on his upturned face and
began to scratch seven kinds of hell out of him.
Tarou and Hiroshi watched the howling, frenzied creature in disbelief as
it finished up with an overhand smash and jumped off, landing in a crouch as
Haohmaru crashed to the canvas, out cold. Now that the beast had stopped
moving, they could get a good look at it...
It was a girl. No more than about eleven or twelve years old, she had
unkempt spiky green hair and wore a tiger-striped bikini outfit. The material,
however, was the real thing rather than a pattern, as evidenced by the large
tiger's claw gloves she wore on her hands.
Scowling, she booted Haohmaru a few times, just to make sure. "Baka!
Cham Cham find you now--you no can run!"
With some effort, Hiroshi shook himself out of his trance-like state.
"Uhhhh... I guess this makes Pikachu and Blanka the winners after all."
"Huh?" Tarou blinked, then noticed that both Samurai were clearly
unconscious. "Hey, they didn't knock the loudmouth out--that freaky girl did."
His co-announcer shrugged. "No disqualification, remember? Any way you
look at it, the Samurai were defeated."
Their victory, however, was lost on the winners of the match, who were
still too busy arguing to notice until one of the cameramen pointed it out to
them. The fact that neither of them dealt the final blow only seemed to add
fuel to the fire, and after a few more choice exchanges, Pikachu hopped out of
the ring and scampered up the ramp, with Blanka hobbling after him angrily.
Meanwhile, the girl in the ring was getting down to business. "Paku
Paku!" At her call, the aforementioned monkey leapt out of the crowd, and they
each grabbed one of Haohmaru's ankles and began to drag him out of the ring.
By this time, Kunou had regained some semblance of consciousness and
disentangled himself. Taking hold of his cherished bokken, he charged forward.
"Hold, foul demon! Release my legendary sensei at once!" He swung his bokken
at the girl, who in a blur of motion managed to leap up and land on the weapon's
wooden blade, swaying uncertainly for a moment.
When her grip was secure, she scurried up the blade as if she'd been doing
it all her life and peered at Kunou... from about three inches away. She
sniffed at him curiously, then grinned. "Hello! I Cham Cham. Who you?"
Old habits came to the fore, and Kunou allowed himself a small smirk.
"The vengeance of heaven is swift and sure, and those who dare defy me will
ultimately face a most wretched doom. The rising star of Lambda division, often
called the Blue Thunder of Ultra, I am... Tate-"
"You weird-talking man," Cham Cham decided, and jumped down from his
blade.
Kunou's eyebrow twitched. "You... say that *I*... talk weird?" Noticing
movement out of the corner of his eye, he swung the bokken in a wide arc.
"Leave him be, ugly creature!" The monkey screeched and, releasing his grip on
Haohmaru's leg, scrambled up onto the fallen samurai's head, watching Kunou
warily as he turned to face Cham Cham again. "I demand that you tell my why
you're trying to abduct my sensei!"
The girl blinked. "Cham Cham taking him back to Green Hell jungle." She
beamed happily. "We get married!"
There are some things that are the emotional equivalent of a bucket of
ice-cold water, and having a surprise engagement sprung upon you is one of them.
(Just ask Ranma.) As the audience murmured in astonishment at this news,
Haohmaru sat bolt upright, incidentally catapulting Paku Paku back into the
crowd with a screech. "WHAT?! THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU HAS NO INTENTION OF
MARRYING YOU!"
She blinked again, an oddly audible sound. "But... you propose to Cham
Cham. That mean you want marry!"
A stunned gasp rose from the audience, followed closely by a belly-laugh
from Tarou. "This is great!" He'd apparently gotten over his disappointment at
the Samurai's loss, and had decided to take his amusement where he could.
"Looks like the loudmouth's got a Lolita Complex too, Hiroshi! Maybe you two
oughta double date!" His co-announcer scowled at him, but said nothing.
Haohmaru, of course, *did* have something to say. "I WOULD NEVER HAVE
PROPOSED TO A SKINNY WAIF LIKE YOURSELF! YOUR DESIRE TO WED THE MOST LEGENDARY
MAN YOU'VE EVER MET IS UNDERSTANDABLE, CHAM CHAM, BUT YOUR LIES ARE AS
TRANSPARENT AS A MOUNTAIN STREAM!"
"Very lyrical, sensei," Kunou murmured.
Cham Cham narrowed her eyes. "I no let you back out!" She fished in her
clothing for a moment, and produced a small brown object. "You remember this?"
Haohmaru peered at it--it was wrinkled and desiccated, but it looked rather
like...
"That's a potato," Hiroshi announced. "Kind of anticlimactic, if you ask
me..."
"This not just potato," Cham Cham corrected him--at the edge of the ring,
Paku Paku had emerged from the crowd again, this time having collected an armful
of snacks and a souvenir giant foam hand. "This is Sacred Jungle Potato of
Matrimony. You give this someone, that mean you want marry them!" She blushed
cutely, pressing her gloved hands to her cheeks. "Nobody ever propose to Cham
Cham before. I embarrassed!"
Haohmaru was unimpressed. "I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF POTATO THAT IS,
FOOLISH GIRL! I NEVER GAVE THAT TO YOU!"
"Did so! Cham Cham remember that night--it so romantic!" With stars in
her eyes, she began to recite the story. "You in Green Hell, looking for Tam
Tam for to fight." She stopped and scampered over to the announcers table.
"Tam Tam is Cham Cham's big brother. Him missing for long time. You know where
is? Cham Cham look all over, but not find him." For some reason, her monkey
seemed rather depressed.
The legendary one rubbed his chin. "I DO REMEMBER THAT... IT WAS SHORTLY
BEFORE I WAS INVITED TO DO BATTLE WITH THESE LESS-THAN-LEGENDARY MORTALS."
"See? See? And when you stop and have food, Cham Cham come to fight you
instead, but you say you not want fight. When I still not leave, you throw
thing at Cham Cham and say 'Take this!'"
"OF COURSE! I CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH..." He stopped and stared at her
smug expression. "OH... NO..."
She nodded. "You throw Sacred Jungle Potato of Matrimony at Cham Cham!
Even say to take it! Village wise woman say that definitely proposal."
Tarou and Hiroshi exchanged glances. "So," Tarou asked, "what exactly
about that is romantic?"
"Sounds kind of like an average day back home, actually," Hiroshi mused.
"Cham Cham been through lots to find you, but now we go back to Green Hell
and be married! Then we look for Tam Tam together!"
"BAH!" Haohmaru bah'd. "WHY SHOULD I RETURN TO MY HOME ERA? I HAVE
ALREADY PROVEN MY LEGENDARY SKILL AGAINST ALL OF THE WEAKLINGS THERE! WOULD YOU
ASK A GOD TO WALK AMONG MEN? YOUR SEARCH HAS BEEN IN VAIN, CHILD--YOUR REQUEST
TO MARRY THE IMMORTAL HAOHMARU IS SUMMARILY... DENIED!" He drove this fact home
by pointing imperiously at Cham Cham...
...at where Cham Cham used to be. During her fiancee's monologue, she'd
moved off to inspect one of the cameras, and was currently treating the folks
watching from home to an extreme close-up of her face. "What in here? It look
like a big, big eye!"
A vein throbbed in the samurai's forehead. "HEY!"
Cham Cham tilted her head back and peered at him upside-down. "Hmm?"
At this point, a few kind words from Haohmaru, an explanation and perhaps
an apology, would likely have defused the situation peacefully. It should come
as no surprise, then, that the big-haired warrior said nothing of the sort.
"LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR. THE LEGENDARY HAOHMARU WOULD NEVER, NOT IN A
MILLION YEARS, SINK SO LOW AS TO MARRY SUCH A DIRTY, UNSCHOOLED, SCRAWNY, *FLAT-
CHESTED* LITTLE WRETCH AS YOURSELF! YOU ARE WEAK AND FLIMSY, AND HAVE NO RIGHT
TO BE ON THE SAME CONTINENT AS I, LET ALONE AT MY SIDE! THE BRIDE OF HAOHMARU
MUST BE STRONG, BEAUTIFUL, AND QUICK-WITTED--ALL QUALITIES THAT YOU SHALL NEVER
POSSESS!" Cham Cham's eyes were wide with disbelief at this torrent of
humiliation. "IF YOU ONLY DO ONE SENSIBLE THING IN YOUR LIFE, URCHIN, LET IT BE
TO RETURN TO THAT INFESTED JUNGLE YOU CALL HOME! AND TAKE YOUR SMELLY MONKEY
WITH YOU!"
The audience, in a rare circumstance, was struck dumb by Haohmaru's
tirade, and watched the jungle girl to see what she'd do next. For her part,
Cham Cham was flushed with shock and embarrassment, and tears filled her eyes.
"You... you...!" She took a deep breath, and put all of her heart into three
words:
"Haohmaru no BAKA!"
As Cham Cham made a tearful retreat up the ramp, Haohmaru laughed long and
loud, impressed with his victory against the impudent girl. "COME, MY STUDENT,"
he said to Kunou, "JOIN ME IN MANLY LAUGHTER!"
"Yes, sensei!"
Their laughter filled the dome, even rising over the angry mutters of the
audience. Tarou, on the other hand, seemed impressed. "My opinion of the
loudmouth just went up a notch," he admitted. "He may be a moron, but he knows
how to put his women in their-"
Cham Cham suddenly erupted from the wings, carrying the biggest and
heaviest object she could find close at hand--a large metal trash can. She
vaulted into the ring and bashed the still-laughing Haohmaru many, many times
with the can, treated his apprentice to much the same procedure, jumped up and
down on her fiancee's mangled remains a few times for good measure, then made a
tearful retreat up the ramp, Paku Paku following close behind.
Hiroshi just... blinked. "Uh... we'll be back after this."
* * *
The Pikachu/Blanka argument continued through the UltraDome's hallways and
sub-corridors, but was more or less ignored by the employees and other fighters-
-with insane half-gods, cybernetically-enhanced demons, and scantily clad
succubi on the premises, a yellow rat being chased and howled at by a green hair
guy didn't attract much attention.
Finally, Pikachu had had enough. As Blanka chased him into a stairwell,
he jumped onto the metal railing and turned around, glaring at his partner as he
entered. "Pika! Pi pikachu!"
"Awooooa!" The green mutant gestulated angrily. "Graaah awoo!"
The pokemon turned his little black nose up scornfully. "PiKA."
Whatever that meant, it proved to be too much for Blanka to bear, and he
reached out for his fellow Loser with a menacing growl. Instinctively, Pikachu
summoned what energy he had left and fired off a thunderbolt--his partner, well
aware of his own injured state, crouched down and covered his head in an attempt
to weather the worst of the attack...
By this point in the evening, neither of them should have been surprised
when nothing happened. They were, though, and looked around in confusion, their
squabble temporarily forgotten as they tried to figure out what exactly had
happened to the thunderbolt.
Neither of them had seen the pulse of electricity surge along the metal
railing, following its spiral path to the top.
They hadn't heard the pained shriek, either.
They *did*, however, hear the descending footsteps. They were slow and
deliberate, promising horrible things to come.
And as Pikachu and Blanka turned to look up the stairwell, they saw who
was there. And they both turned a deathly pale, or as close to it as their
individual pigmentation would allow.
* * *
As the medical crew scraped Kunou and Haohmaru off the ring, Hiroshi tried
to regain some momentum. "Well, folks, NEXT up we have-"
"An announcement."
"Huh?" He looked at his co-announcer. "What do you mean?"
"Something's up," Tarou said shortly, a puzzled frown on his face. "This
wasn't planned..."
Hiroshi followed his gaze and looked to the UltraTron--the picture was
wobbling and jumping, as if the cameraman was in too much of a hurry to worry
about precision. "Is it a Blair Witch Project sequel?"
"Shut up and listen, clone-boy..."
On the screen, the camera closed in on a door marked 'Stairs', and the
door was pushed open. Within stood Pikachu, Blanka...
...and Nabiki. Her once-immaculate suit was covered with scorch marks,
and her hair was basically fried. She was glaring at the two Losers like the
spectre of death itself, and they both shrank back under her gaze.
"You... you filthy animals!" she snarled. "Which one of you electric
maniacs did this to me? Tell me!"
Pikachu quailed from her wrath. It had been an accident, but he doubted
she would care about a technicality like that. He might as well wait for the
inevitable end...
"Awoooah!"
The pokemon looked up sharply as Blanka stepped forward. "P-pika?!"
Blanka, his thoughts focused on Pikachu's recent unhappiness and his
desire to return to his former trainer, glared defiantly at Nabiki. He and
Pikachu had been through too much together to let one fight destroy their
friendship, and if he could take the heat in order to make his partner happy,
then that's what he'd do.
Nabiki, meanwhile, was unimpressed. "So, it was you, was it? Well, you
ugly son of a-"
"Pika! Pi pikachu!" The pokemon jumped forward and gestured, pointing at
himself.
"Awoo!" Blanka started to do the same, but Pikachu turned around and
shook his head, clearly willing to take the blame for what he'd done. They
locked gazes for a moment, then Blanka stepped back.
"All right, fine," Nabiki growled. "You think you can attack me and get
away with it, you little vermin?" For a split second, she seemed ready to boot
Pikachu into the middle of next week... but she wasn't the violent type. She
paid others to be it for her. With Tarou nowhere nearby, though... "As of
right now, you are OFF the roster permanently. You're banned from Lambda,
you're banned from Gamma, Omega... you won't even be in a stinking Hardcore
match! Do you understand me?!"
Pikachu lowered his head and nodded silently.
"Good! Now pack your things and get the hell out of my stadium!"
As Nabiki stormed back up the stairwell and the former partners exchanged
glances, the screen switched back to the Ultra logo.
Back at the announcer's table, Hiroshi was stunned. "Can this be true?
Pikachu's been essentially banned from Ultra! I don't believe it!"
"Believe it," Tarou said with smug satisfaction. "You mess with Nabiki,
you pay the price. I just wish I was there--I'd have kicked *both* their furry
asses for what they did."
"But even with what he's been through," Hiroshi said loyally, "Pikachu
wouldn't have zapped her--I'm sure of it! It must have been an-"
Tarou loomed over him briefly. "What happened to the rat can happen to
you, clone-boy."
"Uh... a-heh... right. Um, we'll be back with the next match in just a
minute, folks. Stay with us."
* * *
Jack had never been in the room before. He knew it existed, beneath the
UltraDome. It was nestled somewhere between the boiler room and the third
janitor's closet. But he'd never been there. He was just the one who'd had it
built.
It had been a month or so before the profits started to sag. Jack liked
to think he was one for planning ahead; he considered the move on his part one
of prudence, in case Ultra needed some extra dough to hold it through the lean
weeks. In truth, he just wanted a quick buck. Like any and all people looking
for a few extra bucks, he turned to that pantheon of amazing profits for no
logical reason that can be determined: the Internet.
Ultra HAD a website, of course, but it wasn't very good. Had Jack known
who had designed the damn thing, he would have thrown that person out... or at
least thrown them into a hell-in-the-cell with a pack of horny chihuahuas.
He knew enough, though, that it needed to be redesigned. So he had put
out an ad.
Hiroshi wrote the first one. It went something like this: "WRITE ULTRA'S
WEBPAGE!" ... And so forth. Jack looked it over after he posted it. The
blinking hurt his eyes.
Daisuke wrote the next one: "Wanted. One webpage designer. Job is to
redesign webpage for popular international sports entertainment show." Jack
fell asleep while reading that one.
So he'd been forced to write up the ad himself. "Controversial Jack wants
YOU!" He'd been rather proud of it, for the five minutes he remembered doing
it.
The response they got came as a complete surprise:
sports entertainment
audience rises online
with work by Navi
This was mostly because nobody remembered putting out the ad. But Jack
considered that close enough to a "yes" to hire the person. (The fact it was
the ONLY response didn't dampen his spirits.)
BONUS! She didn't even want to get paid. Just needed a room, the
occasional meal, and a constant connection to the... Wired, she said. Nobody
understood that, but she got a full DSL and never complained.
Until now, nobody had even seen the person they'd hired... Talked with
her a few times, over the phone, usually Daisuke. Jack assumed her to be one of
those quiet, reserved girls. Probably a bit overweight and librarian-like.
He frowned at the girl in the tanuki pajamas who opened the door and
looked up at him with large, unblinking eyes.
"Hi! I think I'm here to see your mommy."
"mother exists not / to influence this being / Navi serves purpose"
Jack considered that. "So _you_ are Miss Iwakura."
She stepped back and turned around. Jack followed her into the room. It
seemed far larger than it had any right to be.
"Hey... you aren't tapping into any supernaturalspace pockets to extend
this thing are you? Something was raising the energy bills."
"the desire of one / in this place of existing / with i and Navi" She sat
down in front of the small, unassuming computer at a desk. It looked a bit like
an iMac.
Jack smiled. It looked cute to him, the elementary-school-age girl in
front of the toy computer. He opened his mouth to ask where the REAL Miss
Iwakura was.
The words caught in his throat when he looked up. The... Computer was the
only name for it. The Computer thrummed its life, filling the vast void of the
closet-sized room with its power.
Jack's amazement did not last long. "Ooh." His smile became a grin.
This was what he wanted. To Jack, computers were great and mystical devices
that could do anything. You just needed the proper medium to talk to the
spirits on the other side.
This belief was caused by the fact that when most boys were either out
chasing girls (and setting the tone for their entire lives) or playing with
things their parents bought but never used (like 8086's, and also setting the
tone for their entire lives, Jack was taking the first steps towards world
destruction.
He'd had to skip a few details along the way.
But he KNEW power. This was power. This Computer could give him exactly
what he wanted, and Nabiki could go thumb herself when he was finished. YES!
"Oh, yeah, baby. This is what papa ordered. Listen here, Iwakura, have I
got a deal for you." Jack ploppled down cross-legged next to her.
"fleeting one must go / stating purpose in this place / to speak with Navi
"seated on mouse cable / one risks loss of credit when / Navi is not
pleased"
Jack sweatdropped. "Well, here's what I've got proposed for you. Nothing
that'll hurt your job security, consider it a little extra on the side that we
can hash out later. Plus, you'll get your own official CHAOS T-shirt!"
"choosing agreement / in solitude one will be / left here with Navi"
Jack could tell that this might be a hard-sell, but he always rose to a
challenge. He began to outline his plan. His complete ignorance to what
computers could normally do didn't prevent him from enthusiastically urging her
to design alien technologies on the spot to do what he wanted her to do.
Lain mostly agreed. At least he thought she did. They finished talking.
She showed him out. Jack whistled a victory ditty as he skipped down the hall.
"this federation / and all who inhabit / Navi calls baka"
* * *
"And here we are for the second amazing match of the night, folks!"
Hiroshi emoted.
"Amazing," Tarou said, "Right. Amazingly boring."
"Have faith in our fighters, Tarou! These two know how to put on a show!"
"Like Bob Sagat does?" Tarou snorted. "Let's get on with this. The
sooner it's over, the sooner the important fights can take place."
Hiroshi gritted his teeth for a moment, then plastered a smile on. "Let's
get on to the battlefield, where our Omega referee Gokuu is waiting for the
fighters to show. This is going to be great!"
The Omega Arena showed up on the UltraTron. It was... yellow. And tan
and brown and ochre. The sephia rainbow of colors just flared out. Especially
under the bright grey sky where twin suns flared.
"..." Tarou stated. "How amazingly great this is. Ooh, I think I just
saw a rat scurry across the ground."
"It just goes to show..." the interruption tore everyone's eyes from the
screen and over about ten feet to the entrance ramp. "It just goes to show,"
Controversial Jack Lysias repeated, "That Nabs can't book something interesting
to save her life." He turned and gazed up at the shot of the battlefield.
"Niiiice place you got there, Beekster, did you purchase it from Yahoo
Auctions?" He gave a little laugh, shrugged, and sauntered down the ramp.
"And what do you think you're doing here?" Tarou asked, having gotten up
to block Jack's way.
"Relax, panty-boy. I'm not here to bother Miss Tendou's show. I even
agreed with you!" Jack patted Tarou on the shoulder and stepped around him. He
spread his arms wide as he walked around the ring to the vacant Spanish
announcer's table (En Espanol my foot! This is Japan!), sat down...
And pulled out a deck of cards.
* * *
The portals opened and out stepped the two fighters. Nuku Nuku looked to
both sides and scrunched up her nose. "Hot!" she complained.
"..." Cyber Akuma responded. Turbines at his back whirred, and he
started rising into the air.
Gokuu landed. "You should know the rules. Destruction of the world or
universe is a technical foul." He gave Akuma a long glance. "Excessive
brutality after victory will not be tolerated." He shrugged. "Okay, then.
Game on."
][ OMEGA MATCH #1
][ Nuku Nuku vs. CYBER AKUMA II
][ FIGHT!
Gokuu waved his hand down to start the action. Nuku Nuku charged, a growl
rising in her throat. Her hands drew back in fists, striking at Akuma's
midsection. She swung...
And missed as the jets at Akuma's back flared to life, sending him high
above her. The attack sent her reeling off balance. A stumble became a tumble,
which turned into a graceless roll across the landscape. Dust kicked up into a
cloud, obscuring her from view.
Cyber Akuma hovered above with no weapons ready. He waited for the dust
to settle. Slowly a form stepped out of the dirt and grit. Nuku Nuku's face
and clothes were a mass of grimy brown, her hair already messed up slightly.
Her teeth, bared in a feral grin, were a beacon on her dirty face.
She could get him. She ran up to him and jumped, trying to grab at the
floating cyborg.
* * *
The cheering that had erupted from the firey start of the battle began to
die down and Nuku Nuku hopped up and down beneath Cyber Akuma. And as she
continued to hop.
"This was predictable," Tarou said.
"And, ah, Nuku Nuku goes on the offensive early, but faces some drastic
problems. How will she overcome this setback folks?" Hiroshi sweated over the
microphone, praying that something interesting would happen, soon.
It did. "I TOLD you..." Jack had on headphones and a microphone over at
the Spanish announcer's table. "She's certainly not NaBookie. BUT, since all
you folks are wanting some quality entertainment, I'm willing to appease! Turn
on the Picture-in-Picture!"
On cue, the image on the UltraTron (and on millions of TVs worldwide)
shrunk down and inhabited a corner, while the main image was replaced with a
view of a table.
The Spanish announcer's table. Jack's hands showed clearly as he shuffled
the deck of cards. Then he dealt out the standard setup for ImproSolitaire.
"What are you doing?" Tarou demanded. He towered over Jack on the
opposite side of the table.
"Hmm..." Jack peered at the setup. "I'm debating on moving the three of
clubs or the seven of diamonds. Actually." He turned and looked back at the
crowd. "Which card should I move?" He raised a hand with one card. "Three of
clubs!" Some ragged cheering responded. "Seven of diamonds!" A few more
audience members got into it.
"Seven of diamonds it is!" Jack moved the card and looked at the setup
again. "Jack of Spades or five of hearts!" The audience began to cheer. Jack
played cards according to what got the most noise, faster and faster and faster.
The crowd roared and Tarou looked slightly bewildered at it all.
"King of clubs! Duece of spades! Six of hearts! Ace of hearts! Jack of
diamonds! Ten of *gurk*!" Jack's barrage of cards was cut off when Tarou
grabbed him by the throat.
"Just WHAT do you think you're doing?" the martial artist cum enforcer
repeated.
Jack pried the fingers off his neck. "I'm giving the audience what they
want! This IS interactive entertainment! Not like that..." he gestured
vaguely in the direction of the UltraTron.
On the picture-in-picture screen, Nuku Nuku continued to jump like a cat
chasing a ball of yarn. If not for the fact he was made of metal, and never
expressed any emotion anyway, Akuma might have given the idea that he was toying
with her.
A vein pulsed on Tarou's forehead. "You are getting out of here. Now!"
He grabbed for Jack's shoulder.
"Hey! You can't do that! I'm an Ameri--"
"Oh, my lady in Heaven! Something's happening!" Hiroshi stood up and
pointed at the screen.
* * *
Nuku Nuku yelped and began dodging. She knew she could catch Akuma
eventually, but not if he started shooting at her. The fireballs ripped up the
ground behind her as she zigged and zagged around.
She noted sourly that her school uniform had been ruined, again. She
considered getting some different clothes to wear for these fights. If everyone
was going to be so mean to go and destroy her clothes, she considered it a good
idea to wear things that Papa-san wouldn't have to work so hard to replace.
She'd make Akuma pay, for sure. She just needed to CATCH him. But
first...
A glimmer of an idea came to her. She saw a canyon nearby. If she could
lure him into it, she might be able to get closer!
Nuku Nuku took off running.
Akuma's thrusters roared as he followed behind her, but her piston-driven
legs spread the gap between them. He rose slightly, and started arcing his
fireballs past her.
Too late Nuku Nuku realized what he had done. By then a fireball caught
her in the back and sent her flying. She flipped over, skipped against the
ground, and then disappeared over the edge of the canyon.
* * *
"Is that it?" Hiroshi cried. "Is this the end of Nuku Nuku?"
"Good riddance." Tarou had returned to his seat at the announcer's table,
but he kept glancing in Jack's direction. The controversial leader of CHAOS had
stopped his game of solitaire and was staring at the screen along with the
audience. He had become uncharacteristically silent.
"Oh, the humanity! For such a young life to be snu..." Hiroshi suddenly
brightened, "Wait a moment! Gokuu is checking in on the proceedings!"
* * *
Gokuu landed and peered over the edge. After a moment, he shrugged and
took off again.
Akuma alighted on the spot the Saiyan had just vacated. A mechanical
rumble began to grow in his metallic chest. "Come on out, girl." His voice was
harsh and cold, like a wind sweeping down from Siberia.
The pause grew into a silence as his response. He shifted his foot
slightly, sending a pebble over the edge to clatter down the rough sides to the
bottom, tens of meters below.
He shook his head and rose up on the jets again to float slowly (but
noisily) down into the canyon. The temperature difference in the shade was
tremendous, but he could still see that it exceeded his optimum design
parameters.
The polarized filters in his eyes took a moment to open enough so that he
could see. Nuku Nuku crouched on a small ledge in front of him, her body even
more battered, but still not down.
Not down for long, at least. Akuma swiveled in mid air. He held up his
hand to loose another fireball.
Nuku Nuku leapt. She chucked the rock in her hand at the same instant.
It flew fast and rammed Akuma in the forehead with a clang. Nuku Nuku landed on
top of him, sending him off balance. The pair wavered about, slammed into the
opposite side of the canyon, then tumbled to the floor.
Small parts of Akuma broke off from the impact. Nuku Nuku landed on top
of him in a crouch. He swung at her as he forced himself up. She executed a
backflip, her legs arcing wide and straight.
Akuma got to his feet, and turned as Nuku Nuku charged him again. They
exchanged a flurry of punches and kicks, each one held off by a block or negated
by a timely parry.
Nuku Nuku's initial charge pushed Akuma back against the wall of the
canyon, but he began to turn it around once his rearward progress halted. His
blocks became grabs, drawing the cat-droid into more crushing attacks. His
parries became ripostes.
"You cannot win," he rumbled, twisting her arm around. He was rewarded
with a soft crack appearing across her elbow. "My superior arts will spell your
doom."
She grunted, attempting a leg sweep. He shifted his weight and caught her
foot at the rear of his knee. He clamped his leg up and reversed his twist,
slamming a fist into her shoulder. She spun around in mid-air, hit the ground,
and slid a few meters.
Rocks crunched under Akuma's feet as the plodded over to her. "I have you
now. Are you ready for death?"
He stopped when he heard a sound. It echoed and amplified through the
canyon. In a vague way, it sounded like a Volkswagon on steroids. Akuma looked
down the length of the canyon. He saw something move, and began to turn.
Then the thing passed them, blowing the Shotokan cyborg over. Akuma
frowned from his position on the ground, and started to rise. but two more of
the contraptions passed.
Like a massive swarm of bees, more and more of them came, their vibrating
howl filling the canyon. Individually, they could not be seen, but together
they were a mass. Fleeting, but impermeable.
Nuku Nuku's eyes widened and she perked up. A feline grin crossed her
face...
And she began chasing the passing machines.
After an eternity, or an instant, they were all passed. Akuma shifted,
pebbles and rocks rolling off his metal body. He looked after them, but did not
see either cat-android nor any of the noisy machines.
However, he had other ways. He turned on his jets, and rose up above the
rim of the canyon. Off in the distance, he saw multiple trails of dust being
kicked up, forming fantails almost like brown water. He frowned, and began to
chase after them.
* * *
"Where has Nuku Nuku gone off to!"
"There! You see?" Jack roared. He stood up, and the PiP display on the
UltraTron winked out. "Beeker can't even control her arenas! In my day, we'd
never have stood for this kind of interference. Give it all for the audience,
that was our motto. Keep the fights close together." He turned to face the
audience, completely failing to see Tarou stalking up behind him.
"You fans are the ones who are losing, here! You wanted to see some good,
clean, fair violence, and what does Tendou give you? This..." He waved his arm
vaguely at the screen. His continuation was cut off when he was grabbed and
hauled bodily around.
"Now listen here, you," Tarou spat in Jack's face, pushing the spiky-
orange haired man back against the barricade between the ringside and the
audience. "You do not call her Biki or Beeker or Nabs or Tendou. It's Ms.
Tendou, and you WILL give her that respect."
The raven-haired chinese man drew back and quieted his tone. "And also.
You will cease to interrupt my announcement of this match. Shut up, or I'll
haul you out of here."
Jack blinked. "Did you hear that, folks? This show now belongs to Mr.
Garterstrap here! Are you going to stand for that? This is supposed to be YOUR
show, for your fun and enjoyment! Don't stand for the Tendou and Tarou
Tyranny!"
*SQUEAK*
The crowd started booing.
"That's it." Tarou grabbed the Controversial One by the shirt and slung
Jack over his shoulder. He hauled the former head booker out of the arena,
kicking but not screaming.
As they left, a small, yellow bathtoy fell off of Jack's posession.
*sque--squeak* Mr. Duck bounced on the floor.
Hiroshi just stared.
* * *
The dust trails receeded ahead of Akuma. Realizing he could not keep up,
Akuma landed in a fairly open plain beyond the canyon and looked around. "She
has left the arena."
Gokuu landed. "Not yet."
"Where, then?"
"Can't say." Gokuu shrugged and took off again.
* * *
"And Nuku Nuku has disappeared! But where? Gokuu, the UberReferee for
the Omega division isn't giving Cyber Akuma any pointers..." Hiroshi felt
slightly better, now that Tarou was gone. He could run freer, now. There might
be consequences later, but he was good at forgetting about that sort of thing.
"Let's see if we can see anything from the more aerial cameras."
The view on the UltraTron shifted to a blimp's-eye-view of the
battlefield. From above, it became more obvious what sort of battlefield Nabiki
had chosen. It seemed to be some sort of racetrack. Dirt fantails showed where
the hyper speed machines used to race were, but from the height of the camera,
further detail eluded the view.
"And it seems that this battlefield has a deadly element attached! How
will Akuma deal with these incredible machines when they come around again?
They should be upon him again within the minute! And where is Nuku Nuku?"
* * *
Akuma grunted in dissatisfaction.
Behind him, the overpowered VW sound rose. In one motion, Akuma turned,
targeted the lead machine, and fired a ki projectile. It looked like half the
lead machine exploded, the rest of it flipped end over end in a high arc and
crashed to the ground. The momentum behind the machine drove it until it had
passed Akuma.
More of the machines started to pass him as he turned to examine it. It
seemed to be a large engine attached to a sled of some sort. His blast
apparently had taken out another engine. An odd, barely humanoid creature was
attempting to extricate itself from the sled. Calmly, Akuma stepped on the
creature's head. He blasted the second engine and turned back towards the other
machines.
If he had to take them down one by one, he would find her.
"MYAAAA!!!!" Nuku Nuku flew off one of the sleds and tackled him. The
force tore the both of them completely off the path of any more of the rocket
sleds. They split apart in midair.
Akuma got to his feet and stalked over towards Nuku Nuku. "This has gone
on long enou--"
She sprang up and chucked a large slab at him. The projectile glanced off
his chest. A second one followed, but he countered with a fireball. Nuku Nuku
backed away, grabbing and throwing boulders, bits of pod racer, anything at
hand. Akuma blasted some away, and shrugged off others as he made progress
towards her through the barrage.
"Now the end." In a rush of inner power and screaming engines, he slid
at Nuku Nuku bullet fast. Unnatural darkness blotted out the scene accompanied
by a flaming hell symbol. From the oppressive darkness, the sounds of an
seemingly endless orchestra of blows rang out. Akuma vaguely felt a hand on
his shoulder but shrugged it off. The Instant Hell Murder continued until Gokuu
grabbed his arms and pulled him physically out of the cloud of darkness.
"It's OVER!" Gokuu shouted. "What did I say before the fight? Now a
little girl is--"
Nuku Nuku flew over the Saiyan and ripped Cyber Akuma out of his arms.
She grabbed the shotokan cyborg by the neck and executed a short throw over her
hip. Akuma hit the ground with an extended arm. The appendage bent in a
strange angle halfway between his elbow and shoulder. He struggled to rise, but
only spun himself in a small circle.
The catgirl stomped over to him and grabbed his good arm. She hoisted the
larger fighter to his knees, stared him straight in the eyes, said, "Baka!" and
kicked him in the stomach. A scream of metal accompanied Akuma's short flight
through the air.
He landed flat on his back and stared at the heavens for a long moment.
Nuku Nuku crossed her arms and smiled with a smug "Hmph!"
Slowly, Cyber Akuma rolled and sat up. He stared at the Cybergrrl. The
attack should have made her own hate rip her asunder. "What... how...?" He
stumbled over his words. "That attack should have killed you. What did you
feel?"
The catgirl cocked her head to the side. "Like scratching the furniture."
Akuma stared at her for a long pause. "Very well." He turned away and
flew off.
"Okay, um... Nuku Nuku wins," Gokuu said.
In response, she sighed visibly and collapsed to her knees. "HOT!" she
complained. Vents opened up on her arms and released clouds of steam.
* * *
"Nuku Nuku wins! What an amazing upset, folks!" Hiroshi gasped for
breath. The end of the fight had run his throat raw, jumping from hyper point
to hyper counterpoint. "Cyber Akuma has quit the battle after his amazing
finisher, the Instant Hell Murder, did NO damage to Omega's newest warrior!"
He needed to slow down. He needed a break.
He needed anything except the person sitting down next to him. "Hurry it
up," Tarou said, "We've got to go to commercial."
"Uhh... So the youngest Cybergrrl picks up her first victory! We'll be
right back after this message!"
* * *
After wandering through the UltraDome for a while, Cham Cham had worked up
something of an appetite. This was easy to fix, though--she'd hunted, trapped,
and killed a vending machine, leaving it dangling from a snare vine as she made
off with its brightly-colored contents.
She was currently sitting with Paku Paku in the UltraDome's front lobby,
feeding her face and dwelling on her misery.
"Haohmaru no baka," she muttered, finishing off a pack of Zingers. "It
not just marriage now. He insult me and he insult home. It matter of pride."
Paku Paku nodded solemnly, opening his fourth bag of banana chips.
The jungle girl raised a gloved fist. "Cham Cham show him! Will beat him
and take back to Green Hell, whatever it take! He be sorry he make fun of Cham
Cham!" Paku Paku looked a bit more downcast at this news.
It's worth mentioning at this point that the small brown monkey was in
fact Cham Cham's big brother Tam Tam, cursed by a vengeful god with a weird
sense of humor. So far, his sister was utterly oblivious to this fact, and his
attempts to tell her who he was had been seen as 'cute' and been rewarded with a
banana.
He'd rather been hoping that this little side trip wouldn't take too long
so he could go back to looking for a cure, but it looked like that wasn't in the
cards.
His sister, meanwhile, had gone back to sulking. "But... people say that
Cham Cham no can fight Haohmaru unless have partner." And they'd told her that
Paku Paku probably didn't count, which was terribly unfair. "I not know what to
do..."
She sighed. Paku Paku sighed. Blanka sighed.
They all stopped and looked at each other.
Cham Cham peered at the newcomer curiously. Unlike a lot of people at the
Dome, she wasn't at all nervous or intimidated around the hulking brute, who
kind of reminded her of her brother. Besides, he smelled like the jungle.
"Cham Cham remember you. You beating on stupid Haohmaru." It was clear that
she approved.
Blanka nodded with a shrug.
"Why you here? You no with little yellow thing?"
He shook his head and, with a selection of howls and grunts, explained the
situation. To his surprise, she seemed to understand--the only other human who
could easily comprehend him was Dan.
"Oh. So, you go home now, since not have partner?" He shrugged and
grunted, and she blinked. "Still have thing to do? What?"
Instead of explaining verbally, Blanka loped to a nearby souvenir stand,
grabbing small plush versions of himself, Pikachu, Mousse, and Shampoo. (The
attendant didn't stop him--not only for the obvious reason, but also because
nobody had bought those things in weeks...) With the occasional howl for
emphasis, the mutant re-enacted the fight with the Jusenkyo Survivors as best he
could, finishing up by popping their plushies into his gaping maw and viciously
grinding them up.
"Cham Cham see!" she exclaimed. "You mad and want make big stomp-stomp on
duck man and funny-talking woman!"
Like Kunou before him, Blanka's thoughts were of a pot, kettle, and
blackness nature, but he simply nodded.
Coming to a decision, she scrambled up onto his shoulders. "Okay! Cham
Cham help you beat them." He blinked and peered up at her, whuffing in
confusion, and she beamed down with a cute smile. "You help Cham Cham beat
stupid Haohmaru?"
This, too, was an attractive idea. Blanka nodded after a moment's
thought, and she threw her arms around his nearly non-existent neck. "Good,
good! We have lots fun together!"
As the two jungle fighters started to chat, Paku Paku scarfed down a few
more treats. He wasn't too thrilled with the thought of Haohmaru as a brother-
in-law, but it looked like they'd be there for at least a little while. And
things were looking up--they'd finally met up with someone who was properly
civilized.
* * *
Camera fades in to what appears to be a panty-shot up a blue schoolgirl's
uniform skirt. For a moment all is stationary, then the girl starts walking and
the effect becomes...
Nosebleed inducing.
Slowly the camera pans back and shows the rear of Sakura Kusanago. She
continues walking, the back of her skirt swishing up.
The picture freezes.
ANNOUNCER: Tell us honestly. Would Nabiki and Morrigan really even give you
this much?
* * *
"Hey there, little fella! What's the matter?"
Pikachu looked up at the human figure crouched over in front of it. The
young man had hands on knees, and a concerned expression cast worry lines around
his eyes.
The pokemon rubbed tears out of its eyes. "Pika!" it complained, "Chu
pika pi chuuu!"
"Awww..." the man held out his hands. "Come here and let's hug those
problems away."
Pikachu hopped into the waiting hug and snuggled up.
"I've got JUST the thing for you..."
The meeting between Pikachu and Daisuke did not go anything like that.
But the end result was much the same...
"Um... Pikachu." Daisuke shuffled his feet, trying not to look directly
at the crying pokemon. The electric mouse shook its head and blinked up at the
former announcer.
"Pika..." Pikachu seemed resigned about something. "Pi chu pika."
A nervous smile twitched up one corner of Daisuke's lips. He had to find
Team Rocket. Talking with an animal he didn't have the slightest chance of
understanding was not going to help him.
But compassion won over. "Well, um, got a problem?"
"Chu." Pikachu nodded. It waved a paw vaguely down the corridor.
Daisuke peered in the indicated direction. He saw Blanka... talking, he
supposed, to a young girl with green hair and what seemed to be tiger-skin
clothes. The pair were too far off for him to hear, but he clicked their
friendly-seeming behavior with Pikachu's downheartedness.
"I see. You think you've lost a friend?" He squatted down next to the
rodent. "I wouldn't worry about it. He'll still be your friend."
"Chupi chu." Pikachu shook its head and stared at the ground. "Ka chu
pi."
Blanka and the girl walked passed the. The green mutant stopped briefly.
"Awroo," he said shortly to Pikachu.
"Pikachu," Pikachu responded. It shrugged and waved a paw.
The pair started walking off.
"Hey, wait!" Daisuke called. They stopped and looked at him. "What
happened?"
"Yellow rat no allowed fight," the girl said. "[cute name for Blanka]
fight with Cham Cham, now." She turned and marched off.
Daisuke nodded in understanding. "Out of a job? he asked, leaning back
against the wall next to Pikachu. "I know what that's like.
"Pika..."
"Damn Nabiki."
"Pichu."
Daisuke sighed. He gave a slow look at the pokemon. "Well, couldn't you
go back and fight with Ash?"
"Chu." The pokemon shook its head emphatically.
"Huh... I won't ask."
"Ka chu."
"Eh..." Daisuke shrugged. "I guess you could come hang out with us until
something else crops up. It's not like Jack'll notice having another small
yellow thing around."
"Pi?"
The co-manager of CHAOS stood up. "Sure." He held out a hand. "You can
at least sit there and watch the rest of the show, right?"
* * *
Everything is better with pyro. This has been a universal constant since
the dawn of man, when stone hit stone and sparks flew and cavemen went 'oOOOoOo
oeee OOO!' which loosely translated to 'Bitchin!'. When a national holiday is
celebrated, fireworks go off. When vikings conquer a village, they promptly set
it on fire. And when an Ultra superstar emerges from the ramp who is being
deliberately promoted by the front office, you get pyro.
But once the wall of flames and sparks finished igniting and everybody was
nice and deaf, Marlo Semaj marched right through the smoke and got to the ring.
He meant business, and wasn't in his usual jovial mood. With a backpack slung
across one shoulder, he climbed over the ropes, and into the ring.
"Folks, I.. THINK we have a Marlo versus Ranma hardcore match coming up
next," Hiroshi announced, while Marlo threatened someone into giving him a mike.
"This would mark the first official in-ring entrance of Ranma since his incident
last season, but from what I know, I don't think he wants to get in the ring."
"Bah, of course not," Tarou mocked. "The little fem-boy is--"
"EXCUSE me," Marlo interrupted, glaring at Tarou. "But let's not use up
the entire bag of Anti-Saotome insults before I finish my promo, okay? Speaking
in respectful terms to a fellow smartass, of course."
"No skin off my back," Tarou said, sitting back. "Go right ahead."
"...that's it?" Hiroshi asked, perplexed. "You're not going to mock him?"
"Hey, Ms. Tendo likes this guy," Tarou said. "Every quarter hour he's on
is in the upper bracket when the ratings come in."
"I know! That's because everybody's watching and waiting for him to
LOSE," Hiroshi reminded. "Ever since he lost the belt he's won every match on a
technicality, even though he's gotten his ass handed to him a few times already-
-"
"RANMA SAOTOME!" Marlo called, tired of the ringside banter. "We go back
a long way, don't we? Wasn't it me who pushed you to new heights last season
when we were competing? Wasn't it ME who brought out the finest in you? You
know, speaking as probably the only friend you HAVE, I have to say... you're a
PUSSY."
The young boy promptly ignored all the boos being dumped on him by the
audience, and sidestepped to avoid a thrown corndog. He set down his backpack
for the time being.
"It's true!" Marlo shouted. "You're a damn dirty hippie, Ranma! But last
week... last week I must've pushed SOME kind of button because in that boiler
room, you actually had the balls to smack me around. I'm not pissed, Saotome!
I'm HAPPY for you! Because now it means I can face you in this ring like a man,
and win or lose I get my Hardcore title shot! But now I'm hearing scuttlebutt
that you're back to being a pansy? Ranma, I'm giving you TWO minutes to get out
here, or I'm gonna force the ref to disqualify you and declare me the winner.
And trust me, a chair to the face can be VERY persuasive. One minute and fifty
five seconds!"
"If he's smart, Ranma will stay right where he is," Hiroshi said. "He's
got nothing he has to prove to the likes of this guy."
"If he's smart, Ranma will get his ass out here and not jeopardize Ms.
Tendo's ratings," Tarou countered. "He's got his paycheck to be concerned
with."
* * *
"Forget it," Ranma said, half watching the monitor, half keeping a
cautious eye on Nabiki. "Japan is a free country. I don't HAVE to go out
there."
"You're no longer in Japan, you're in the UltraDome," Nabiki said cooly.
"Here, I make the rules. I say you challenge Marlo. You've been on the shelf
for long enough, Ranma. Just think of it as some kind of martial arts obstacle
to honorably overcome or some nonsense like that."
"What do you know about martial arts?" Ranma asked. "This is not about
repeatedly hitting people. It's a control you have to master, and right now,
I'm not wholly in control. I'm not going to risk anything just because--"
"Because if you don't, I'm stripping your fiancee of her Hardcore belt and
putting her on suspension," Nabiki finished. "You've got one minute left,
Saotome, make your decision."
"...you what? But that's not--"
"Fair? You said it yourself, Ranma, what do I know about martial arts?"
Nabiki asked. "I know business. In business, you do what you have to to
maximize profits, and everything that points to the bottom line is justified!
Time ticks. What's it going to be?"
"Jack wasn't as bad as you," Ranma glowered. "He was bad, but at least he
was improving before you ousted him. That guy is as single-mindedly persistent
as me. He's going to get his job back."
"Oh, please. Jack couldn't find his own ass if you hooked up a GPS
tracker to it. Now FIGHT!"
And Ranma stepped through the curtains.
* * *
"Ten, nine..." Marlo continued... until he saw Ranma. And grinned. He
grabbed his backpack quickly, in case Ranma rushed the ring-- which was not
happening. The martial artist took his time to get to the ring, and climb in.
Marlo slid the zipper open quietly. This was going to be EASY.
][ GAMMA MATCH #1
][ RANMA vs. MARLO, HARDCORE RULES
][ FIGHT!!
"I'm only satisfying Nabiki by coming out here," Ranma warned. "I'm not
going to fight you, Marlo. That's Akane's job."
"Yeah, well, I can't GET to Akane until I get past you," Marlo reminded.
"But don't worry, Saotome. I'm gonna make this nice and quick. See, I keep my
finger on the pulse of Ultra. The grapevine. The proverbial game of
Telephone..."
"Can you say ANYTHING in a single sentence?" Ranma asked.
"You're afraid of WATER!" Marlo said in a single sentence... whipping a
fully pumped SuperSoaker XLS 5000(tm) out of his backpack. The cheerfully
colored neon green and yellow plastic rifle locked right on Ranma. "And using
this Ultra-endorsed fun summertime toy (1000 yen at your local Toysu L Usu) I'm
gonna have FUN playing with you! EN GARDE!"
Ranma yelped, and jumped left to avoid the water stream... coming up
angry. "Marlo, you moron! Don't DO that!!"
"Or what, Saotome, you'll scream like a girl?!" Marlo asked, retargeting,
and spraying wide... each shot was nimbly avoided by Ranma, who did not study
Kempo for years just to be smacked with a stream of water from a kid's plastic
gun. "I don't know why you're so spooked by water, but I'm gonna hose you down
until you say uncle! I've got this match LICKED!"
"For--" Dodge. "Crying--" Jump! "Out--" Swerve. "LOUD, Marlo!" Roll.
Ranma breathed heavily; he hadn't been working out. (He should have been
working out, at least staying in shape for his eventual return, it's not like
lifting weights would've messed with his head... but hindsight is always 20/20.)
"Why do you think I attacked you last time!?"
"Because I'm just that damn good at pushing your buttons!" Marlo said...
dialing the rifle all the way up to 11. "Behold! SHINKUU HYDROKEN!"
Ranma fell flat, pressing himself hard against the canvas while the three
foot wide jet of water hosed down Hiroshi.
"Glug," Hiroshi emotionally responded. He spat out a goldfish. "Blargh.
Tarou, can you make ANY sense of this? Why would Ranma be afraid of water?"
"I tried asking Akane backstage earlier this week, she wouldn't tell me,"
Tarou answered. "I don't get it. Even if the fem-boy deserves a rich beating,
I usually get along fine with Akane, and she was bein' real secretive..."
"Quit running, you pooftah!" Marlo shouted, trying to keep the sprayer on
Ranma, and failing miserably. Just because he had mad furniture skeelz didn't
make him Solid Snake, after all. "I'm gonna... gonna..."
The Furnityre Savior's nozzle went flaccid and dry, as his water tank
emptied. He cursed, and ripped a fresh one from his backpack and began the
arduous process of pumping the damn thing up to full pressure.
Ranma relaxed a moment... and tried to think of a way out of this. He
could always run over, sock Marlo one and knock him out. Marlo wasn't all that
durable, being a perfectly normal kid despite the furniture powers. But... he
couldn't. The other side of him got all his urge to hurt people. He needed a
special technique that he could execute even with his problems...
Of course!
"Saotome School Special Final Attack Technique!" he announced, making sure
to capitalize each letter to freak Marlo out... and promptly turned around.
"RUN AWAY!"
It would have worked, if not for one thing.
He'd been ignoring the crowd. He worked the crowd and reveled in it in
his earlier days of Ultra, it's true, but it hadn't meant as much to him
lately... so he hadn't noticed the 'BORING!' chants from the bloodthirsty fans.
And he hadn't noticed someone throwing a soda at him.
The plastic mug clonked on the back of his head. Ranma tumbled through
the ropes and fell outside the ring, the drink spinning twice in midair before
the lid came off and it splashed down.
"Got it!" Marlo cheered, not noticing any of this. He finished the last
pump on his rifle, and looked around for his enemy...
Who was climbing in through the ropes. Lurched over, and a bit on the
short side, with red hair. Marlo didn't think twice about it; he pegged her
right in the face with the watergun.
"HA! Got you! Who's da man? Who's da man!?" he demanded to know...
before realizing that the watergun had done exactly as much damage as a watergun
would probably do. IE, none. Suddenly, his grand strategy seemed bordering on
idiocy.
Even the generic white-and-black striped Ultra refereeing official knew to
get the hell out of the way of Ranma. She was glowing red, and giggling in a
low, evil, Iori-esque sort of way...
"...let's fight," Ranma said, gleefully happy. "I'm ready."
"I don't think I get it, but... hey! Fight is good!" Marlo responded,
tossing the supersoaker away and drawing a metal folding chair (with a 'Balls
Mahoney' sticker on the top) from Furniturespace. He twirled the chair once...
he could finish this in one shot.
With a war cry and a squeak of his sneakers on the mat, Marlo rushed
straight at Ranma, chair held high. The idiot didn't even move to avoid it!
Marlo jumped at the last possible second, somersaulting in the air, and bringing
the steel chair down with an impossibly sick *WHACK* to the top of Ranma's head.
Victory.
Ranma didn't stop smiling.
Marlo whacked her over the head again.
Nothing.
"What the hell?" Marlo asked, backing off slowly. "Did you toke up on
painkillers or something, Saotome?!"
Hiroshi grabbed his microphone and leaned forward, excitedly. "Ranma's
hulking up! What incredible stamina; he's just absorbed TWO chairshots without
batting an eye!"
"The no-sell," Tarou spoke sagely.
Marlo snarled. This was humiliating, and the Furintyre Savior would NOT
be humiliated! He reared back, readying the strongest swing he could manage--
And his chair was blocked with a pinky finger.
Then snatched from his hands.
"THIS is how you do it," Ranma explained, twisting her grip on the chair
and bringing it down hard enough on Marlo's head to make his spine sound briefly
like an accordion.
The next thirty seconds went something like this: WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK. The audience,
usually cheering mindlessly for any amount of bloodshed and violence, was
awkwardly quiet at this, as Ranma was laughing like a madwoman while she beat
Marlo like a ground-based pinata. There was no style, no martial art, just the
straightforward process of f'ing someone up.
"...I think Marlo's unconscious," Hiroshi said. "The referee's calling
for the bell... the victor is Ranma Soatome!"
"I've heard of twelve step programs, but never twelve concussion programs
before," Tarou joked.
Hiroshi didn't laugh.
"Laugh," Tarou ordered.
"Ha ha!" Hiroshi laughed nervously, with a 'please don't hurt me' implied.
"How's that?!" Ranma shouted, tossing the chair aside, and taunting the
stars and birdies circling Marlo's head. "Want more? Want more?! You said you
brought out the best in me! Here's the best in me!"
The Generic Referee tried to pull Ranma back. "The match is over! He's
had enough--"
A roaring elbow sent the referee sprawling. "Back off, zebra head!" Ranma
shouted back at him.
Looking quite peeved, the ref rolled out of the ring, and went to say
something to Hiroshi.
"Uhh..." Hiroshi said, not sure if he wanted to announce this while Ranma
was still around. "The... the referee has reversed his decision! Due to
disqualification for interfering in a referee's official duties, Marlo Semaj is
the winner!"
"WHAT!?" Ranma shouted.
"Protect me, Tarou!" Hiroshi yelped, diving for cover behind his sizeable
co-host.
Tarou glared backwards. Well, he would have if his neck could've done
that. "What do I look like, your pokemon?"
A little chaos was a good thing; a lot was not. Ranma wasn't too
surprised to turn and see the herd moving in on him... the medical techs with a
stretcher for Marlo, an annoyed Nabiki Tendo, and even Akane carrying a thermos
of hot water and looking worried. They were coming to put an end to things.
She'd have nothing to do with that. Ranma vaulted over the ropes, and
charged at the group en-masse; two medical techs yelped and jumped out of the
way, a suitable distraction... for Ranma to knock Akane over, jump the railing
and escape through the crowds. A door illuminated by the glowing red EXIT sign
was kicked open, and he was out and running.
"...what?" Hiroshi asked, peeking around Tarou. "What the hell's going on
here? Ranma just bowled Akane over and now he's leaving the UltraDome?"
"Akane better be okay, or I'm gonna have to explain a few things to that
fem-boy," Tarou growled. "Cut to commercial, brownnoser."
"Uh... we'll be back after these messages!!"
* * *
The procession filed into the backstage area, while commercials for
SuperSoakers(tm) played across televisions all over the world. Nabiki sighed;
she'd have to do a little behind the scenes work to keep them from pulling
support now.
"So, what's wrong with Ranma now?" Nabiki asked. "And no dodging the
issue, sister. I need the truth."
The figure strapped to the stretched yelled as he was wheeled past the two
girls. "The truth?!" Marlo shouted. "The truth is he's a freakin' PSYCHO!
Hold it, hold it, STOP the damn stretcher! I did what you asked, Ms. Tendo, you
better give me my title shot!"
"I suppose I have to," Nabiki said. "Akane, are you willing to face Marlo
once and for all at UltraRage Epsilon? You're both going to want time to
prepare, especially after tonight... not that I won't book you two in any
matches until then, of course. In Ultra, EVERYBODY works."
"Fine," Akane said. "But even if 'everybody works', I don't want you
putting Ranma in the ring with Marlo again before then. Got it? Beyond that,
it's a deal."
"That's fine with me!" Marlo shouted, before wincing in incredible pain.
"Agh... you keep that freak away from me, okay? I just thought he was a
wholesomely mean bastard, but MAN, he's screwed up! He's not fit to live among
the normals! He's an animal--"
Akane kicked the stretcher, sending it flying down the hall. Medical
flunkies ran after it.
"Now, about Ranma..." Nabiki reminded.
"We should've told you sooner, sis... I'm sorry," Akane said, with a sigh.
"He's perfectly fine, when he's a boy. But somehow, when he's a girl, he turns
into the kind of person he was long ago. Doctor Tofu thinks it might have
something to do with his curse... it's messing with his recovery."
"Disassociative identity disorder?" Nabiki correctly identified.
"Hmmm..."
"I'll have to track him down and get him some hot water," Akane said.
"I'd better call Kasumi and Dr. Tofu, too. Excuse me, sis."
Nabiki watched her sister leave. A germ of an idea was forming...
But it could wait. She had other business to attend to tonight.
* * *
Hiroshi buried his face in his hands. He could survive this. Only
another hour or so, and he could be out of here, free of that prick's tongue for
an entire week.
And then... And then he'd be back again for ANOTHER round of...
"Hello, Hiro-kun!"
Hiroshi immediately tensed. He felt arms swim over his shoulders and
around his neck. Soft short hair brushed against his ears, and he felt her chin
rest lightly on his shoulder.
"Oh... you feel stressed up, Hiro-kun. Do you want me to give you a
massage?" Her breath wafted over his cheek and he involuntarily inhaled some of
the sweet scent.
His brain froze. He didn't need this, not now, not... Ohhh, that DID
feel good, tho.
"And also," she continued, "I want you to tell me immediately if that
hussy starts bothering you."
Alarms went on in Hiroshi's head. Not MORE conflict between the two of
them. Please.
"I know how you really feel, but Miss Tendou was nice enough to explain it
to me."
"What!"
Lilith leaned forward and smiled in his face. "Oh, you know. How you're
confused, but you really love me. I knew it, but you're always so shy. I love
you, too, Hiro-kun. You can tell that hussy and I'll protect you, okay?"
"Umm... Right. Thanks, Lilith. That gets a lot off of my mind." He
glanced down at his non-existant watch. "But we're coming off of commercial, so
I've got to get back to work. I'll see you later!"
Hiroshi sweated as Lilith skipped off. He glanced down at the card in
front of him. Oh, great. If it wasn't one succubus, it was her sister.
"Falling asleep on the job?" Tarou asked, sitting back down.
"What? No!"
"Well, get on with it, we're on the air."
"Ah... right." Hiroshi swallowed, forced a smile up, and opened his
mouth.
"And, remember who you're supposed to be supporting, here."
A lump appeared in Hiroshi's throat. His voice jumped a perfect third.
"It's time for our next amazing match, folks! The current Gamma champion,
Morrigan Aensland had a stunning victory against Mr. Satan two weeks ago!"
The lights went dark. Breathy chorus music began to waft out from the
speakers, and red strobe lights began to flash. She slid out from the backstage
area, taking her slow, seductive time to flow down the ramp to the ringside.
Not quite fifty percent of the crowd cheered with abandon. Not quite
fifty percent (the other not quite fifty percent) huffed and wondered what was
so big about Morrigan.
(Two things, the first not quite fifty percent would have answered, had
they not valued their lives.)
"Her opponent has been out of action for a while, here in Ultra, but don't
count him down too quickly. That scrapping, feisty mutant hailing all the way
from the United States of Canada!"
"He's going to go down." Tarou shrugged, throwing a sharp glance at
Hiroshi. "He's rusty, and Morrigan's the sort to stay on top of her form."
"Er... right. Well, here he is: Wolverine!"
On cue, the X-Man's slow, hard rock themesong started playing. He entered
to an almost indifferent crowd.
A coy smile crossed Morrigan's face as Wolverine came down the ramp. "You
look delicious. I may lose on purpose, just for you." She winked.
"Darlin', I don't care about any thing you want to do after the show.
That's your concern. I'm just pissed that I've been ignored in this federation,
despite being here since the beginning." Wolverine slide under the ropes and
stood up across from the succubus. "But you throw this fight, and I'll make you
pay."
"Ooh! I like agression in a man!" She waved him forward. "Come, you
strong man. I will accept your power and show you final ecstacy."
"Just the sorta stuff I wanted to hear."
"Okay, fight," the referee said.
][ GAMMA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ MORRIGAN vs. WOLVERINE
][ FIGHT!
*SNIKT* Wolverine's claws slipped out from the back of his hand and he
swung a wide strike at Morrigan's midsection. One of the succubus's wings
hardened to stave off the strike, but the Canadian mutant anticipated the block,
and shifted his weight. He spun around behind her and slammed his fist into her
solar plexus.
"Wolverine goes for some quick domination and fancy footwork!"
Morrigan gasped and stumbled forward. She arced a kick back at his head,
but the feisty canuck caught her strike.
"If this is the best you can do, darlin'," he said, "then I'm not going to
have any trouble here."
She didn't respond, but used his hold as a pivot point to clip his chin
with a kick from her other foot. Wolverine let got and rubbed his jaw.
"Not bad." He attacked again, but this time she responded by flapping her
wings and flying above the attack. Wolverine tried a hasty grab for her foot,
but came up short.
"Oh, poor little man, can't reach your betters?" she taunted, floating
lazily above Wolverine's attacks. "Jump!"
Wolverine stopped and regarded the succubus. "Hey, Mac," he asked the
referee. "Isn't she out of the ring?"
The crowd expressed its disapproval at this attempt for an easy win.
"Typical," Tarou snorted. "Faced with a superior opponent like Morrigan,
most would decide to take an easy way out."
"Ah..." The official blanched at the question. "No, I don't believe so,
sir. She hasn't touched any ground outside the ring."
"Huh... Alright then. Gotta do this the hard way." *SNIKT* Wolverine
popped his middle claw out on one hand and slashed through the top rope. He
whipped it up at Morrigan. The succubus, surprised at the attack, didn't dodge
as the rope snaked around her body.
"Wolverine isn't taking no for an answer here, folks! He can't take the
fight to the Gamma champion, so he's bringing her to the fight!"
Tarou turned his head and looked at Hiroshi. Then the enforcer leaned
back and placed his hands beneath the table. Hiroshi smiled and glanced down at
the hidden hands.
Wolverine hauled down on the rope. Morrigan slammed into the ring with
showstopping force. "That's more like it," he chuckled. "Now to finish this
the right way."
Morrigan rose groggily to her feet. Her nose was swollen and bright red.
She blinked blearily around. Wolverine drew back his fist for a punch to her
damaged face. The attack came in with enough force to pull the succubus's head
off.
And it missed high.
"WOLVERINE has MISSED an easy shot! What's going on here!"
"A champion is showing how to win, obviously, clone-boy. Use those eyes
of yours."
Wolverine stumbled into a clumsy tackle, pressing Morrigan back against a
turnbuckle. It exploded and knocked both of them back into the ring. He
grunted and rose to his knees. "What the--"
Morrigan groaned and rolled over. the back of her costume was in tatters,
letting a nice view of her assets be displayed to the world at large. The
nosebleed section appreciated this, in particular, much to the chagrin of the
people in the next few rows down.
Worse, it wiggled as she stood up.
"LIKE, GO BLEED SOMEWHERE ELSE!"
Hiroshi looked away. He had to see anything except the ring. To think
that Lilith might look like that in a few...
A frown stole across the announcer's face. Something seemed to be on
Tarou's knee. The chinese man's hand twitched and brushed the object.
Wolverine shook his head and attacked again. And missed high again.
"What the fu--" Again he attacked, and again his strike went high. "It's
like somethings pulling my arm!" He roared and dove at Morrigan. His feet
skipped a little across the mat.
Around the UltraDome, a distint hum could be heard undertoning the cheers
of the crowd.
"Tarou," Hiroshi placed his hand over the mike and murmered, "What's that
thing on yo--"
"Just do your job, clone-boy."
The succubus easily dodged the X-Man's reckless attack. She smiled and
licked a drop of blood off from above her lip. Her nose was still swollen, but
her face almost glittered with anticipation. "Having a bit of trouble?" she
toyed. "Soul Fist!"
The bat-shapes attack caught Wolverine high on the chest. Already off-
balance, he fell backwards, but bounced lightly on the mat.
"You are nice and agressive, you know." Morrigan stepped over to the
mutant and hauled him up easily. "But you are not in my class." She sighed
audibly and reformed her wing into a drill. "I'm afraid that, no, you will not
get the chance to bed me."
"Darlin'," Wolverine whispered, "You couldn't pay me to." And he buried a
fist into her gut.
The air whuffed out of Morrigan's lungs. She gasped and let go. Her
ankle started to fold under her weight, but she forced herself upright.
"I don't know what you're doing to this fight, but if I'm close enough, I
can't miss." Wolverine took a step towards her.
Sweat beaded on Morrigan's forehead. She tightened her fists and slid a
foot back. The pair started to circle around each other, Wolverine attempting
to close, and Morrigan slid away.
Something clattered onto the ring mat, fallen from far above. Both of
them stopped and looked up.
Controversial Jack Lysias swung from a rope, suspended amidst the speakers
hanging directly above the ring. He had a tool belt. He had a grin on his
face.
"Jack is above the crowd!" Hiroshi gushed, "What has he found?"
He was ripping out something attached to the back of the speakers.
"He's destroying Ms. Tendou's equipment." Tarou stood up and looked
around. His right hand formed a fist around something.
More pieces clattered to the ground. "I'm not letting Nabiki get away
with her cheating any longer!" he shouted. "Go for it, Wolvie!"
"I'm going to get you, Jack!" Tarou shouted.
"Just you try it, Panty-boy!"
Tarou swore under his breath. He continued to watch Jack, missing the
fight entirely.
"Cheating, eh?" A feral smile crossed Wolverine's face. He reached out
and grabbed Morrigan's shoulder, drawing her close. He slammed a fist into her
stomach. "I..." He slammed another one to punctuate each word. "Don't. Like.
That."
Morrigan coughed. A small trickle of blood traced a path down her chin
and neck to get lost in her cleavage. "Just wait," she whispered, the barest
hint of a smile still on her lips. "Just wait."
Wolverine struck again, driving her back. The next strike dropped the
smile from her face. Again and again, until she was grasping the ropes just to
stay on her feet. She feebly held up a hand to stave off another attack.
"Wolverine's got the win! He's going to get it right here!"
Tarou looked down suddenly. His eyes widened. He opened his hand and
flipped the switch therein.
Wolverine slapped her arm away and drew back for a haymaker. *SNIKT* He
growled with pleasure and swung.
His claws tore the hell out of the mat at Morrigan's feet. A look of
complete surprise registered on the mutant's face. It was quickly replaced with
one of anger.
"Not again!" He stumbled back. His shoulderes hunched, his back stooped,
his legs wobbly, as if the weight of his body was too much to hold up.
The hum began again.
"There's another magnet!" Hiroshi shouted. "The cheating has not ended,
because there's another magnet under the ring!"
A scream ripped itself from Wolverine's throat. He struggled to hit
Morrigan. The sluggish strike barely rose above their knees. His eyes went
white with anger. The next strike seemed in slow motion, as his arm shook.
Morrigan laughed as it lightly tapped against her thigh. "Oh, poor
Wolvie-chan. Can't get the strength to push over little-old-me?" She
backhanded him on the cheek. "GOOD! You don't deserve to stand next to me,
dog! Lie down!"
She gave him a slight shove, and Wolverine crashed to the mat. He
twitched and struggled to rise, his motions jerky and random. Tendons stood out
on his neck. His chest rose and fell quickly. Morrigan stomped on him. She
drove her spiked heel into his gut once. Twice. Three times.
The referee grabbed her arm and tried to pull her away.
"Don't you DARE touch me, you pathetic mortal!" she screeched, sending a
fist into the referee's face. His nose exploded in a shower of blood. Morrigan
stalked after him, driving two more strikes and sending him to the ground. The
man did not get up.
Behind her, Wolverine flopped over onto his stomach. He slowly slid his
hands under his shoulders. After two slow breaths, he began to laugh. "Okay,
darlin'..." He pressed down. Veins popped out against his skin. His hard
muscles rolled and strained.
Tarou smirked. "Get out of this one, mutant."
"Tarou, did you just...?"
"Shut up, clone-boy."
The crowd went silent as the scream of pain sounded. He did not rise
entirely. The weight of a planet seemed on his shoulders. But through heavy
lidded eyes, he glared at the turquoise-haired succubus. He slowly brought his
fist up. It was steady.
It was obviously a motion that no human body should perform.
"Do you... know how much..." He gasped his words out, like the closing of
a coffin. "This is going... to hurt...?" *SNIKT*
Morrigan cocked her head. "Oh, not much at all. I'm tired of playing
with you." She flew at him.
Wolverine swung.
The impact was silent. The center of the ring burst into pink light.
And there was the sound of smacking lips. Rapid-fire kisses, each lovely
and painful. It was the sound that would pull a soul into oblivion by orgasm.
Thousands shaded their eyes as much as they dared, none wishing to miss
any of the action, but none wishing to go blind, either.
The sound stopped. The haze faded.
And Morrigan stood. One foot resting lightly on Wolverine's back. He was
on all fours, his clothes torn away and hair in disarray.
He looked like an animal. A barely tamed animal
"I have won!" She laughed and raised her arms. After a stunned silent,
the crowd booed. Morrigan turned up her nose at the audience. "Come, pet!" she
called, and sauntered off.
After the briefest pause, Wolverine followed obediantly behind.
"Wow. That was amazing." Hiroshi's voice didn't agree with his words.
"Morrigan wins the battle and the man. Will this be the end of her offer to
anyone who takes the belt off of her? Time will tell!"
"As good as she is, she should keep that belt on forever. Even an idiot
like you could see that."
"Er... RIGHT! Well, we'll be RIGHT back after this message!"
* * *
"Mewtwo pulls off another victory!" Click. "Team Rocket wins!" Click.
"Mewtwo wins!" Click. "Team Rocket are the new Lambda Champions!"
Misty pursed her lips as she inspected Ash, whose intense gaze was focused
only on the small television screen mounted on the wall. It had been displaying
the same fight results for the past hour, and Ash's face grew increasingly
depressed as he watched each round. "Ash, why are you watching these? We
should be preparing for the fight."
"That's what I'm doing, Misty. I'm trying to figure out something." Ash
leaned forward, cupping his chin in his hand. "Why are bad guys winning? "
"It doesn't seem fair, does it?" She sighed. "But it'll be okay after
tonight, you'll see."
"I hope so," Ash sighed, mirroring Misty. "But... why do people like
them, Misty? Why do people like Team Rocket, and not us? They cheat, they
steal, they lie... I'm a hero, not them."
"That's right, Ash. And so you'll know what to look for when you fight
them!"
He turned that over in his mind for a moment, slowly nodding. "Yeah... we
know they're going to cheat, right? It'll just be a matter of catching them at
it." Remote lifted high, Ash clicked off the television and flashed a fierce
and determined gaze at Misty. "We'll prove to everyone how rotten Team Rocket
is. And it'll all be okay."
Though her expression seemed tight, Misty smiled at Ash. "All we have to
do is win, and it'll all be okay. Mewtwo, Team Rocket... Psyduck... It'll be
okay."
"Win. Prove Team Rocket's cheating. And it'll all be okay," Ash repeated
like a mantra. "And I don't need Pikachu to do it, because I'm a pokemon
master!" Whispering under his breath, he continued, closing his eyes to shut
out the memories of week after week of failures, conflicts, and abandonment in
the eyes of the public. "Just gotta win. Just gotta prove Team Rocket wrong.
Just gotta win."
Misty stepped away, but Ash continued on, clinging to his mantra even as
he fought the urge to review the tapes yet again. "Just gotta win. Just gotta
win."
* * *
It was time. While Nabiki hadn't set down any specific consequences for
losing, Gally felt that everything rode on this match. She had to win.
Washuu's life as they knew it depended on her victory.
She stared at her hands. The repairs had been done in time, now she was
ready to fight in her way, on her terms.
In her own body.
Gally smiled. It didn't matter who she faced, she could take them. She
patted the long, thin box attached to her back. She just needed the right
mindset.
The portal opened, and she stepped through.
* * *
Krillin looked around curiously. "This wasn't the planned upon
battlefield." Sephiroth and Gally each stood at opposite ends of what appeared
to be a baseball diamond.
Other than that, all three appeared to be in a dome roughly twice the size
of the UltraDome.
"I think," the referee said, "That I should check in on this." He
gestured for a portal, but one failed to appear.
Instead, a floating screen popped up in front of him. "What is it?"
Nabiki asked tersely.
"We're not in the right arena. Didn't you schedule this for--"
"Don't worry about it. We'll have cameras there in just a second. Work
with it!" Nabiki blipped out.
Krillin blinked. "Uhm... Okay. I guess we hold it here then." He
turned towards the two fighters. "You know the rules..."
* * *
"We're up to our next amazing Omega match! And it's being held at the..."
Hiroshi looked at the note an aide just passed him. "It's being held a t a
super secret location!"
"This is going to be almost as much of a slaughter as last week. Gally
doesn't have a prayer, here. She's just as much of a joke as the rest of those
robochix." A lopsided smile appeared on Tarou's lips. "Don't let that fluke of
a win earlier tonight fool you, none of these robots has a prayer."
"Uh..." How did he respond to that? Hiroshi didn't know. He pressed on,
anyways. "We've got Gally, the Battle Angel, who'll be taking on Sephiroth, the
One-Winged Angel!"
The crowd screamed.
"What wonderful hype, clone-boy."
* * *
A trio of floating cameras came through portals and circled around Gally,
Sephiroth and Krillin. The Omega referee looked up at them. "Okay, get it
started." He jumped up and sailed over to the executive boxes above the left-
field line.
][ OMEGA MATCH #2
][ SEPHIROTH vs. GALLY
][ FIGHT!
Gally just moved. One moment, she stood upright, a neutral expression on
her face as she watched Sephiroth. The next she almost disappeared, her legs
pumping as she cut to the side.
"Bolt..." Sephiroth raised his arm.
Gally jumped, clearing a small wall, and began running around the bowl-
shaped stadium amidst the seats.
Sephrioth turned to keep her in sight. "Three." Lightnight bolts arced
down from the ribbed ceiling far above and just missed the cyborg-girl. Seats
exploded with each hit.
She took a sharp turn to angle in on the would-be god. The one-wing angel
twisted to face the challenge. He started to draw Masamune, but she swerved
abruptly before reaching him.
* * *
"She's chicken," Tarou said. "Can't even fight him straight up."
"Gally seems to be using her abilities for some advantage, folks, but what
is her plan?"
"No plan... she's just going to keep doing it until she concedes or dies."
* * *
Gally cursed herself. She should have gone for the quick kill. Now he
was ready for her. She had to figure out how to get in close and stay there
until she could beat him. Maybe...
She turned towards him again. As she approached she reached over her back
and pulled out the elongated box there. She gripped one side and *flip-flak-
flik*
The box flipped around and elongated to a six foot balisong, She gripped
the long handle in both hands and started a slice aimed to cleave Sephiroth in
two.
Damascus blade balisong met Masamune with a clang.
Then she had passed him. Behind her she heard the murmers of a spell.
Gally glanced back...
And saw the firing solutions come into being.
"NOOOOO!!!!" She stumbled. Sephiroth's spell caught her in the lower
legs. Her mind snapped back into focus and the looked forward just in time to
see the barricade around the edge of the ballfield. She slammed into it and
crashed headlong into the seats.
* * *
"Gally is down!" Hiroshi shouted, leaning forward to get a better view.
(It didn't help.) "Did Sephiroth cast a spell to break her concentration?"
"No, you idiot. I called it." Tarou stabbed a finger down on the table.
"She's too weak to win, here. She's down and Sephiroth will take her out."
"Wait! She's moving!"
"It doesn't make any difference, clone-boy. He's almost there."
* * *
"Damn, stupid, idiot doctor!" Gally cursed, throwing chairs off of her and
struggling to her feet. "Playing with my body wasn't enough? He had to pick
apart my brai--"
Sephiroth floated above her. A look of sheer contempt on his face.
"Pathetic," he said.
She swung the balisong around to hold it between them. The firing
solutions kicked in. Small circles popped up in her vision, focusing on weak
points in his defense, pointing out possible locations of an attack. She tried
to blink them away, but they steadfastly remained in place.
The materia in his hand began to glow. A large red circle started
flashing on it.
Gally narrowed her eyes.
Sephiroth incanted and raised his arm up. "Proceed in your way..." he
said. "Fire..." The materia flashed. He flicked his hand...
She jumped. Her legs flipped high as she arced over his head. Gally
swung the balisong down as she passed. She couldn't hear a thing from the spell
exploding at Sephiroth's feet, but felt the impact when it hit something. As
her jump continued, she felt the blade come away clean. It hadn't hit any meat,
then.
Gally landed and spun, bringing the blade up in a high strike aimed at
Sephiroth's throat. He blocked with Masamune. Her blade touched his collarbone
just as his brushed beneath her ear.
"An impasse," Gally said.
"No." Sephiroth raised his other hand. "I will destroy you either way."
* * *
"Holy Lina! This is a close battle! Gally isn't down! Isn't out! She's
ready to kick ass and steal all the bubblegum!" Hiroshi pumped his arm with
joy.
Tarou just stared at him. "Look at the screen, idiot, she's in a WORSE
position than Sephiroth."
* * *
A stream of options appeared over the materia in his hand. Defensive
options.
Abruptly, Gally's outlook brightened. "Thank you, Doctor," she mouthed.
"Say your prayers, false angel." He cast the spell.
Gally ducked, spinning her blade up to brush Masamune away from her ear.
She ducked foward under Sephiroth's arm and elbowed him around. The fireball
swerved wide behind her and slammed into the roof. Bits of tiling crumbled down
onto the field.
"Wait," she said as he spun to strike again. She danced back and slapped
the edge of Masamune away with her balisong. "Wait. Let's just get back down
in the center of this dome and fight with swords."
Sephiroth paused and frowned. "Why?"
She grinned. "I want to see how good I really am. You're the best with
that thing, right?"
He shrugged. "It will not matter for you in the end. Very well."
Gally backed away and to the side. He sheathed the long katana and
started back down the seats for the field. They walked quietly, side-by-side,
but keeping enough distance and an eye on eachother.
* * *
"What an amazing development! Gally and Sephiroth are going to go at it
one-on-one with swords! Ultra doesn't get better than this!"
"Not unless you shut up, it doesn't." Tarou yawned. "She's just stalling
for time."
* * *
They stood opposite eachother in the center of the baseball diamond. She
held her blade in a cross-body defense. Sephiroth left his in its sheath.
"Come on, then," he said.
Gally charged. But this time, instead of passing the would-be god by
after the first exchange, she moved around him and pressed the attack. It
became clear, very quickly, that Sephrioth had an extreme edge in terms of
skill. The extra length Masamune had over her blade didn't hurt him any,
either.
But she had her defensive solutions. After the brief disorientation, she
realized that Dr. Light had done her a great service, and quickly got into an
understanding of how the system worked. With each minute change in her
situation, she had new options to take, and the solutions warned of what might
happen.
It was almost like she could see the future.
The swords clashed against eachother, flashing so fast as to be almost
invisible, neither one gaining an edge, neither one getting a hit. A stalemate.
Gally frowned interally at this. She had to be able to do something. If she
could just corner him in, she could get rid of his range advantage and take him
down.
Gally started weaving from side to side, jabbing quick attacks to one
flank and then the other. She went for a greater offense. Slowly, surely,
Sephiroth was herded back towards the restraining wall.
Realization dawned on the One-Wing Angel's face; he redoubled his efforts
against her, but continued to be driven back.
Gally grinned ferally. He had to crack soon.
Sephiroth stopped when his rear foot tapped the barricade. He grimaced
and flicked Masamune out towards Gally's eyes. She flinched away, blinking her
eyes shut and dodging to the side.
He did not press the attack, but began chanting another spell instead.
Gally continued her motion from the flinch and spun totally around. She
jabbed her leg back and between Sephiroth's legs. The turn continued and she
let a back-handed slap catch him on the upper chest to knock him over.
She stood over him for the briefest moment. Looking for the defeat in his
eyes. It wasn't there. The Battle-Angel swung her balisong down.
"Leave my Sephy-chan alone!"
"Eh!" Gally faltered. Behind her, B-Ko Daitokuji fired off hundreds of
Akagiyama missiles. Like an enraged swarm of wasps, they swirled around,
striking at anything that moved. Or didn't.
Most missed Gally completely, tearing chunkes out of the field, the seats,
the walls around the edge and the ceiling. A few, however, slammed into her
back and sent her flying. She landed, crunching a shallow crater. She heard a
hose pop in her shoulder from the impact and cursed. For a moment she did not
move.
* * *
"Oh, my LINA!" Hiroshi's hand tightened on the microphone. "B-Ko has
shown up and attacked Gally! Where is Krillin! The Omega referee is NOT
stopping this infraction!"
"He's probably being smart and staying well out of the line of fire.
Sephiroth's pissed enough to kill anything that moves, right now."
* * *
Krillin's fists tightened. This wasn't right; it was cheating. He should
get down there to stop it.
"Don't you move an inch."
"What?" He turned and looked at the floating picture of Nabiki Tendou.
"You heard me. You'll stay right there and let them fight it out.
Understand?"
"Ah... Yes ma'am."
"Good. The ratings are better this way."
* * *
She pressed herself to her knees, and looked over her low cover of broken
chairs to look at her opponent. Sephiroth had stood up and was brushing himself
off. He peered in Gally's direction for a few seconds before turning and
looking at B-ko. The pair had a brief exchange, too quiet for Gally to hear.
Sephiroth turned back towards her. "False Angel! I hope you are prepared
to die." He raised his arms and started casting spells.
And kept casting them. The white-maned mage turned into an artillery
battery. Fireballs and lightning bolts and ice blasts tore into everything. It
was almost a wall of chaotic destruction.
Almost. Every single attack got tagged and traced and predicted in
Gally's mind. She saw a path.
One lightning bolt slammed into the seats less than two meters from her.
Gally popped up and charged. Flying spells went from red to yellow to green as
she moved out of their dangerous paths. She was approaching Sephiroth
extremlely quickly. Her fist closed and she drew her arm back for a punch.
B-ko suddenly popped up in front of her. "HA!" the lavender-tressed
inventor shouted and started to fire a missile.
Gally's fist slammed into B-ko's purple faceplate. It shattered, and the
girl's body flew through the air towards Sephiroth.
And he stopped firing for just a moment. Gally's narrow path to him got
wide enough to fit a freeway. She arrowed straight towards him.
Sephiroth stepped to the side, letting B-ko thump bonelessly to the
ground. He drew and swung Masamune all in a single motion.
Gally dropped and slid. The blade passed through the space her head would
have been in. Her legs caught his in a tangle, and she slammed the heel of her
hand up against his holding the sword. Masamune flipped up into the air.
Her momentum carried her through Sephiroth, so she used it to roll back to
her feet. She twisted and caught Masamune by the handle as it came down.
Sephiroth struggled to stay upright from their impact, but fell to his
knees. He scrambled up and turned around.
Gally pressed the long katana up against his throat. "I believe," she
said, "That I've now won."
"You must kill me," he replied, fury in his eyes.
She considered that. It would be easy, just to slide the blade through.
Revenge, surely, for the last time they had met up--
"No, you've lost. Krillin!" she called, "I've beaten him."
The secondary Omega referee landed next to them. He considered the scene
for a moment. "Very well. Gally wins."
The Battle Angel drew back. "You fight well," she said. She turned and
walked away, Masamune in her hand.
"I want that back," Sephiroth said.
She turned. He was reaching down to pick up B-ko. "Oh, You'll get it.
After I get my blade and the portal opens." She smiled. "Just because I won
doesn't mean I trust you."
* * *
"AWESOME! Just look at that pannache! Coming off of one of the worst
losses of her carreer, Gally, the Battle Angel, shows she can go toe-to-toe with
Sephiroth and Win!"
"She got lucky, clone-boy. She didn't even have the guts to finish him
off."
"AND she did it even when Sephiroth had help from his possibly girlfriend
B-Ko Daitokuji! How's that for skill! How's that for whupass!"
"How's that for someone who's help just got in the way?"
* * *
Krillin watched as the competitors left. He was glad it was over. He
hated coming in here to watch over this insanity.
Something fell on his head. He looked up. A few more flecks of ceiling
fell down on him, and also around the field.
As the deep rumbling rose, he realized that the damage Sephiroth and B-Ko
had done probably didn't help the structural integrity of the building.
This was why they didn't allow Omega battles inside the UltraDome.
A larger piece fell down next to him. Krillin yelped and hopped through a
portal as the dome came tumbling down.
* * *
Things resonate. Special devices have been developed that can isolate the
specific pitch and frequency an object resonates at. The entire universe,
thrumming in a complex cosmic song. Listen closely, and you can hear the
Creator. I'm the Walrus, goo goo gajoob.
Some things resonate in stranger ways that this.
After the destruction of the moon at Jack's final PPV, the detail of
restoring the moon had been over-looked by the over-worked current keeper of the
Godhead. A quick patch to the software of reality to keep tides and such
running, and the actual business of fixing the physical object was forgot and
regulated to the depths of Lina's in-basket. The lunar fragments had shortly
settled into an aesthetically pleasing silver ring around the planet, and other
than some artists grumbling about the loss of a major symbolic device, everyone
took it in stride.
The destruction of the moon resonated. The act struck a chord across a
score of worlds, altering the lunar orbs. It resonated through the quantum
froth of space-time, touching the dozens of alternate realities.
In this place, the surface of the moon shudders. An artifact is spat
forth as the surface of the moon shifts. Moments later, the moon's ancient
tranquility returns. The artifact tumbles into a decaying earth orbit.
Which explains, in some way, why several weeks later, a group from NERV
had set up a field post in an empty field an hour and a half north of Tokyo-3.
Once equipment had been unloaded and set, and Unit-00 was prepped and in
position, the operations crew had retired to the portable command bunker.
There, while they waited for the operation to start, a portable TV took
residence on top of the main console.
"Look at that! What a rip-off," stated Hyuuga, gesturing at the screen as
eloquently as was possible while holding a slice of pizza. "Wolverine should
have won that match. The fix was in, guys."
Nearby, Aoba smirked. "I don't know, Makoto. I kinda like Morrigan.
She's very... talented." The long-haired technician was promptly pelted with
bits of corn.
"You use that line ever time we watch this, Shigeru," Maya pointed out,
flicking a couple more pieces of corn off her pizza at Aoba for good measure.
"You really need to get a new joke."
As the bridge crew continued their banter, Misato sat in the corner and
stared at the can of cola in her hands. If she had a choice in the matter it
would be cold Yebisu, not slightly warm Diet Coke. Stupid Shadowlaw. 'No
consumption of alcohol during work hours under penalty of being sold to tongs as
slave labor,' my happy ass.
"Things were better when we were broke and Shinji-kun was still with us,"
Misato mumbled.
"Huh? Why's that, Misato?" asked Hyuuga, turning his attention from the
television.
Misato sighed and stood.
"Back then we were at least doing something useful," she explained. "Even
if the Angels weren't actually attacking, we were at least keeping an eye on
potential threats. Now what are we doing? Playing flunkies to a hopped-up
crime lord. Commander Ikari may be a bastard, but at least he wasn't too much
of a criminal."
Jerking a thumb out towards the field, Misato continued. "Having those
weird Twin Doll girls coming along on every operation doesn't exactly help
either. I keep expecting them to decide to take someone out back and execute
them." Misato finished her drink and hurled it at the wastebasket on the far
side of the room.
There was a moment of silence as the three technicians considered this.
Before anyone could respond further to Misato's concerns, Ritsuko entered the
mobile command center.
"It's time. Let's getting started."
The command crew snapped in trained professionalism in an instant. A
chorus of reports followed.
"Synch ratio at 3.75% below normal. Within standard operating
parameters."
"JSDF Strategic Tracking Center reports target is approaching east north-
east at 100 kilometers per second. ETA is three minutes."
"All sectors report that the retrieval system is enabled. EVA Unit-00
standing by."
Misato picked up the line to Unit-00's cockpit. "Rei? Are you ready?"
Silence stretched out in answer from the other end. "Rei! It's time," she
stated. "Are you ready?"
"hai. i am ready, captain."
In the entry plug of Unit-00, Rei readied herself. Twisting the control
sticks, she brought the Evangelion from a low crouch to a standing position.
The Evangelion turned, bracing itself as if to catch something of great weight.
Behind it a series of steel-cable nets were stretched tight.
Rei scanned the horizon. For a minute, the darkness revealed only
starlight. A single spark of red appeared, growing closer.
An AT Field sprang up, angled toward the incoming object.
The spark expanded, becoming a thin firey line against the night sky.
Soon the object resolved into a spear of fire and the shriek of its approach
echoed across the field. A moment later and the object dropped closer to the
ground, illuminating the region in a lurid red glow. Heat spilled off it in
waves, as it left scorched grasses smoking in it's wake.
Rei braced herself for the second of impact.
The object slammed into the AT Field, visibly distorting it. In the
second that it hung in between its vast momentum and the stopping power of the
shield of absolute reality, Unit-00's hand whipped out, snagging the object.
Then, with an blast that threw the command crew off their feet, the
missile pierced the AT Field, throwing the still clutching Unit-00 back into the
safety nets, throwing up earth in a huge furrow. The blue mecha was thrown
backwards, tearing through the first net. The second and third nets broke under
the force of the object's crash, as the Eva slammed into them. Finally, the
tumbling giant skidded to a halt, jolting against the fourth and final safety
net.
For a moment there was silence, save for the hissed of the fallen object
cooling in the absence of tremedous friction.
"Rei? Rei!" Misato shouted over the Eva's com-line. "Are you all right,
Rei?"
The Evangelion stood, dirt cascading from its armor. "hai, captain." Rei
bent to pick up the object that had fallen into the Eva's waiting arms.
It was a spear made of ruddy metal, somewhat taller than Unit-00. One end
came to a point, with the haft rising from there to split into a double helix,
and the two strands separating and forming a pair of long blades on the far end.
"Operation sucessful. Longius Lance recovered," Misato stated over the
speaker. "OK, everybody. Let's pack it in and head home."
* * *
Wholly underwhelming was not the entrance Ash and Misty had been hoping
for.
As they walked down the ramp, people cheered. They cheered not for their
favorite fighters, but for old crowd-pleasers who still had a moderate number of
fans. While 10,000 cheering attendees might seem like an impressive number in
other circumstances, this was the UltraDome. 20,000 people who could care less
weighed far more heavily on the two childrens' assessment of their entrance.
Swallowing their apprehension, Ash and Misty instead concentrated only on
the knowledge that after they won the belt, that would all be different.
Everyone would see that they were the real heroes, they would see Team Rocket
for the lying, cheating villains they were. They knew it, and soon every Ultra
viewer on Earth would see it, too.
They entered the ring and waved cheerfully to everyone, forcing their
bright expressions. Behind them, Hiroshi piped up. "Ash and Misty haven't been
in the ring for a while -- okay, so nine weeks is a little more than a 'while' -
- but they look ready to put up a good fight for the belt!"
"They're just lucky Ms. Tendou was generous enough to give them a shot at
the title. There are people who deserve it a lot more than them, and who'd put
on a better show."
Hiroshi turned to face Tarou and levelly said, "If you use up all your
insults on Ash and Misty, you won't have any left for Team Rocket." As Tarou
smirked, Hiroshi straightened his bow tie and continued. "This is a long-
standing feud between these two teams, so tensions in the ring should be high!"
"They sure will be!" Ash cut in, holding a mic. "Misty and I are here to
prove to everyone what Team Rocket really is! They may have gotten away with
stuff before, but they won't be able to tonight! We'll be watching them!" He
turned to the audience and asked, "Because you all know that Team Rocket are the
bad guys, right? That they cheat and steal and do everything wrong?"
Deafening silence was his response. Ash swallowed and tried again. "You
know that they aren't real champions! They're just a couple of cheaters! They
can't do anything right! And so you know what Misty and I are gonna do? We're
going to-"
"PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"
"And make it DOUBLE!"
Ash started yelling into his mic, trying to cut through Team Rocket's
speech, but its power had apparently been cut. He literally threw it out of the
ring, a dark expression on his face.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
The audience was looking around the UltraDome for the source of the lines,
unable to place them as the voices echoed from every speaker in the place. As
the lights cut, their excited buzzing grew, everyone knowing what
happened next.
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
A MASSIVE display of pyros and smoke went off right around the ring,
filling the UltraDome with a brief and brilliant flash of light. Two spotlights
cut down through the thinning smoke, illuminating two powerposing figures
standing in the center of the ring.
"JESSIE!"
"JAMES!"
"Team Rocket BLASTS OFF at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"What do you think you're doing?" Ash screamed as he picked himself and
Misty up off the ropes, where they'd been flung to courtesy of Team Rocket's up
close and personal pyrotechnic entrance.
Jessie and James looked at each other and sighed. Motioning to the
audience, they waited for them to say, "Meowth! Dat's right!" and then turned
to Ash. "Well, we were making an entrance before you decided to interrupt it,"
Jessie chastised Ash. "Honestly, you should know better by now than to try to
break into our motto. Isn't that right, James?
...James, pay attention!"
"You like us!" James was busy squealing to all the screaming fans. "You
really like us!"
Jessie sighed. "As I was saying, was it too much to ask for being able to
make a simple entrance? It's important to give the audience what they want,
after all, and they want Team Rocket!"
"Well, so what if you got the louder cheers?" Misty cut in, glaring up at
Jessie. "Just because you've been able to get away with cheating here doesn't
mean it's right!"
The two Rockets looked at each other blankly and shrugged. "Can we just
get started?" James asked, looking around the Dome. "We don't want them to get
bored, that'd be horrible for our popularity!"
"Fine with me," Ash grinned, twisting his hat backwards and hooking his
thumb into one of his belt loops. With the other hand, he pointed at Jessie.
"I want her to go first."
"Oh?" Jessie posed. "It's nice to see that you recognize my talents,
Ash, and that you know that I'm the PERFECT person to keep the audience
enthralled as we-"
"You cheat more."
"..."
The referee looked between the two, waiting for their partners to vacate
the ring. He blew his whistle. "FIGHT!"
][ LAMBDA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ TEAM ROCKET vs. TEAM POKEMON
][ FIGHT!
Twin arcs of red and white sped across the ring as the two trainers
simultaneously released pokeballs. The required soundbites followed:
"Pidgeotto, I choose you!"
"Arbok, go!"
As the bird and snake pokemon began a defensive dance, circling each other
hesitantly, Ash smirked at Jessie. "Gee, that pokemon looks like it's in pretty
good shape. How'd you pull that off without a Pokemon Center around?"
The redhead blinked at him blankly. "It's been a week, you silly boy."
"Yeah, whatever. You did something to your pokemon, I know it!
Pidgeotto, Gust Attack now! Show everyone what we do to cheaters!"
Wind whistled at Arbok in a massive, disorienting gust as the bird's wings
flapped furiously, catching the snake's wide hood and sending it head over tail
towards the ropes. It raised its purple head wobbily. "Bokkk..."
Jessie frowned and stomped her foot. "You can do it! Get yourself
together, Arbok, and bite that annoying bird's wings off! He's just ruining my
hair!"
Arbok quickly flipped back to an upright position and hissed at the
hovering bird, displaying its impressive fangs menacingly. Behind it Jessie
started barking out commands, hoping to win over their opponent with a
blitzkrieg strategy. Ash countered, though, matching each strategy with a
balancing maneuver from Pidgeotto.
"This has to be one of the most evenly matched fights we've seen in a
while," Hiroshi noted as he watched the back-and-forth action in the ring.
"Team Rocket has obviously increased their skills as trainers since they've come
to Ultra!"
"Or maybe Ash has been sitting on his ass for so long that now he sucks as
much as they do. You can relate to that, right clone boy?"
Muscles in Hiroshi's shoulders twitched, and slowly, very slowly, he
turned to face Tarou. "Or maybe... just maybe... Team Rocket has really been
working hard. Maybe they're tired of getting treated like jokes. Maybe they
don't want to be mocked and humiliated when they're just doing their job."
"Maybe they should shut the hell up and be grateful that Ms. Tendou is
letting them keep their jobs when they're obviously a liability to this
organization," Tarou spat out at Hiroshi, matching him glare for glare.
Hiroshi whipped back around to his microphone and started barking out
commentary. "And it looks like Pidgeotto is getting the upper hand here;
Arbok's looking pretty disoriented and-"
"You mean its brain is getting as scattered as its trai-"
Not pausing for Tarou's insult, Hiroshi bowled right over him. "If Ash
can just press this attack, he'll have knocked out one of Team Rocket's best
pokemon for the duration of the ma-"
"That would be implying that ANY of their pokemon are go-"
"So why don't we just watch and wait, alright folks?" Turning to his
partner, Hiroshi favored him with a defiant gaze.
Back in the ring, Ash was nearly as skittish as Arbok. Trusting his
pokemon to fight well with only half his attention, he was spending the other
half watching Jessie, waiting for her to pull the dirty trick he knew she had up
her sleeve. He'd already yelled for Pidgeotto to swerve out of the way twice,
only to have nothing happen.
That was alright, though. His pokemon was in good shape, he was well on
his way to picking off Team Rocket's pokemon one by one, and then the belt would
be his! Like it should be! Like-- He blanched. "PIDGEOTTO, RETURN!"
As the bird pokemon vanished in a flash of light, Jessie blinked at him as
she got back to her feet. Ash pointed an accusing finger at the former poacher
and shouted, "I caught you! What were you planning to do from down there, set
up a stun dart to catch Pidgeotto? Set off a smoke bomb to let both of you come
in and fight at once?"
She held up a pokeball in reply. "I dropped this."
"...Sure you did." Ash grinned knowingly at Jessie and reached for
another pokeball. "You weren't doing ANYTHING that bad guys would do, right?"
He launched the pokeball forward, ignoring Jessie's flat stare. "SQUIRTLE, I
CHOOSE YOU!"
"Squirtle!" the turtle cheered as it appeared in the ring, only to pale.
Ash's decision to take out Pidgeotto had given Arbok ample time to regain its
composure, and the snake greeted its reptile brethren by launching a lighting-
fast attack at its head, fangs gleaming.
"SQUIRT! Squirsquirsquirsquir..." Squirtle panted as it ran around the
ring, Arbok chasing close behind. Ash and Jessie watched for a moment, then
sighed in unison.
"You'd think Arbok could catch a turtle," Jessie muttered to herself,
taking a step towards where the pokemons' path would intercept. She craned her
neck, hoping to catch a view of Arbok's state of health as it rushed past;
perhaps it was time for Lickitung to come in.
"He doesn't even have time to launch a water blast," Ash winced to himself
as he watched the pursuit. He quickly brightened, though, as Arbok faltered
momentarily. "Yeah, there's your chance, Squirtle! Hit that snake on, full bl-
SQUIRTLE! RETURN!"
Jessie stared, dumbfounded, as Ash practically growled at her. "What were
you planning then, huh? Why were you going towards Squirtle? It's cheating to
fight when your pokemon is in use, but then YOU wouldn't care about that, would
you?"
Shaking her head, Jessie recalled Arbok and walked towards the ropes.
"I'm not getting paid enough to deal with Ash's paranoid fantasies, James. Take
over for a while, I have a headache." As if to prove the point, she winced
over-dramatically and put the back of one leather-gloved hand to her forehead.
Not one to question Jessie when she was being dramatic, James took the
ring and eyed Ash haughtily. Around the duo, the crowd cheered, just as loudly
as they had when Jessie was in the ring, and far louder than when Ash and Misty
had made their entrance.
Ash's eyes narrowed. Flashing a quick glance over his shoulder, he nodded
at Misty. "Keep an eye on them, okay? We've gotta work together if we're going
to catch their cheating!"
"Right! Don't get overconfident, Ash, and we can win this!"
Turning back around, Ash saw James standing there, Weezing bobbing slowly
up and down beside him. "Ready now?" James asked, tapping his foot impatiently
as he waited for Ash to call his next pokemon.
"You bet I am! But are you ready to lose your championship, CHEATER?"
Ash grinned and tossed out a pokeball. "Bulbasaur, I choose you!"
As the plant pokemon appeared in a flash of light, it scratched at the mat
like a bull ready for the charge, obviously ready to make up for weeks of
inaction. "BulbaSAUR!" it squealed up at the floating poison spheres.
"And Ash makes a questionable decision," Hiroshi noted as he scratched his
head. "Putting Bulbasaur up against Weezing -- instead of Butterfree or one of
the previously used pokemon -- really seems to be asking for trouble. Poison
pokemon have a distinct advantage over grass types; even if Bulbasaur is a
combination of grass and poison, he'll still have a weakness here."
"Thank you for that, Mr. Pokedex. Ever heard of a little thing called
'getting to the point?'" Tarou growled at Hiroshi.
As the two announcers glared at each other, Ash commenced with his heroic
speech of motivation and self-righteousness, as taught to all young
protagonists. "Bulbasaur and I have been together for a long time, and I know
that he'll be able to take anything you can try! Because he's strong, and
brave, and he never takes the easy way out! He'll fight to the end! He'll never
give up, never surrender, and-"
"Sludge attack," James interrupted, looking rather bored.
Bulbasaur squealed as Weezing's viscous black goop hit it in the face, and
started scrubbing at it with its paws. Another round of accusations were almost
launched at James from the self-righteous young trainer, only to have them cut
off before they began. The audience was... laughing?
"Ash, do you want me to come in? I've got all fresh pokemon!"
Blinking through his daze as he realized the audience's source of humor
was him, Ash slowly shook his head at Misty. "I can handle this, Misty! I'm a
pokemon master, and I'm gonna prove it to everyone! Just help me keep an eye on
Team Rocket!" As the mocking noise continued from the crowd, he flinched.
"Stop it! Stop laughing! And you!"
James blinked. "What?"
"You... you're planning something, I can tell! If neither of you has
cheated yet, well... you must be planning something really big! I know you
better than anyone else here, and I know... you shouldn't be champions!" The
audience started booing, and Ash clenched his fists. "Shut up!"
James swallowed nervously and looked around the UltraDome. "It's not good
to just stand around like this, the audience gets bored and-"
"Shut UP! I don't need advice from you! I'm the master! I'm the one
who's been here since the beginning! And they pick you instead to fight all the
time, to go on commercials and t-shirts and lunch boxes-"
"We're on lunch boxes?" Jessie asked from outside the ring, the grin of a
swelling ego spreading across her face.
"...ARGH!" Ash twitched, a wild gleam appearing in his eyes. "This isn't
fair!"
Meanwhile, James was applying his own brand of logic to this situation.
Ash was mad, and so he wasn't fighting. If they weren't fighting, they weren't
doing what made him and Jessie so popular... beyond having impeccable senses of
style, that was. And if they lost popularity, Jessie would get mad, and then
she'd hit him. That wouldn't be good.
"Ash, calm down," James said, having come to this reasonable conclusion to
his ponderings.
"SHUT UP!" Ash yelled at him, knuckles whitening as he gripped his
pokeball ever tighter. "I don't want to hear anything from you! I just want
you to lose, like you always do! Like you're supposed to!"
Whimpering that Ash didn't have to yell at him like that, James flinched
back, waving Weezing forward to protect him from the enraged trainer. The
pokemon sailed obediently forward, but Ash wasn't paying attention to it.
Rather, he was looking at the pokeball in James' hand, trying to decide if that
was the one that had held Weezing or not.
"It... it must be another one! He's going to call two pokemon at once to
fight!" Ash decided, furrowing his eyebrows. "Bulbasaur, knock that pokeball
out of his hand with your vines!"
"BulbaSAUR!" the pokemon crowed as it flashed one of its durable, sharp-
ended tendrils at James's hand. As James grabbed at his hand and started
wailing about how much it hurt, oh, the pain, the pain, the pokeball he'd
formerly held dropped to the ground and rolled out of the ring.
"Stay right there, James! I'll get it, and then you can finish pounding
that annoying little brat into the ground! ...and heavens, James, you just got
hit on the hand. Stop wailing like a little girl," Jessie sighed as she started
towards where Weezing's pokeball had fallen to.
"But it HURTS!"
Although he normally would've taken the opportunity to make a jab at Team
Rocket's distaste for physical pain, Ash was too frazzled at the moment to think
up a suitable insult. Then, out of the corner of his eye Ash saw a flash of red
movement. "Misty! Look out! Bulbasaur, go! Vine Whip, now!"
Jessie looked up from retrieving the vagrant pokeball, vaguely aware of an
approaching presence. Instead of the ring, she saw the rapidly oncoming forms
of Bulbasaur's Vine Whip attack. She managed to close her eyes just in time,
still crying out as the lash took her across the face. The hits landed across
her forehead, throat, arm, chest... she stumbled backwards under the barrage,
screaming more loudly with each hit landed.
James turned at Jessie's screams, horrified. Rushing over, he tried to
tug Bulbasaur away from the edge of the ring, only to hear Ash behind him call
for the plant pokemon to hold him as well. A vine snaked up around his throat,
threatening to cut off his air supply if he so much as twitched.
Ash walked over to his entrapped opponent, a madly triumphant gleam in his
eyes. "See what you get for cheating?"
"St- stop it," James forced out, eyes darting back and forth between Ash
and Jessie's now-prostrate form. He winced as a vine struck him sharply across
the shins, then wrapping around his legs to immobilize him further.
"Looks like I'm the best again," Ash smirked. "And looks like you're the
worst. Like it always was. Everything's gonna be like it should, now."
That was when he finally became aware of the booing. As he tried to
process the sound, his brain nearly froze up as he tried to rectify what he knew
should happen -- people cheering as he took Team Rocket down -- with what was
happening. He was getting booed. They... they hated him?
He turned and looked at Misty, looking for answers; she only shrugged
helplessly, looking in shock at the audience. Ash swallowed hard, then gathered
his confidence. He stepped away from Bulbasaur and moved towards the ropes.
"We... we don't care if you don't like us now, but now we're the champs! We'll
show you that we're going to act like the best fighters should, and we'll prove
ourselves to you! Just wait and s--"
"Team Pokemon is disqualified. Team Rocket wins."
Ash nearly stumbled to the mat, the blood rushing to his ears pounding
like a timpani. "What? Why?"
His questions went unanswered as the referee called for medical assistance
for the bruised and bleeding Jessie. James was also attended to after Bulbasaur
(who'd yet to receive a counter order from Ash) finally had his vine lock-hold
removed. The audience held their collective breath as the medtechs put an
oxygen mask over the teen's mouth, some nearly in tears as they waited for an
outcome. Finally the techs over both fighters gave a thumbs-up to everyone, and
the UltraDome erupted in a sea of relieved cheers.
One contrary voice cut through it all, though, seemingly unaware of all
the action at one side of the ring. "Why did we lose?"
"Knockouts outside the ring are instant disqualifications," the referee
coldly informed Ash.
"But... but she was going to attack Misty!"
"I didn't see that."
"They've been cheating throughout the whole match, and ever since they won
the belts!"
"I didn't see that."
"They... this is WRONG! They aren't champions, they're not even close!
They're stupid, annoying, self-absorbed poachers who can't do anything right!
They can't do anything without cheating, they can't do anything without catching
themselves in their own traps, and anyone who likes them more than me, a REAL
pokemon trainer... then they must be as dumb as Team Rocket!" Hearing the boos
swell, Ash turned to glare at the audience. "What's wrong with you? Why do you
like them? I'm a pokemon master, not them!"
The boos practically deafened Ash as he stood there, proud and defiant,
secure in the knowledge that he alone knew the truth about Team Rocket, secure
that he'd won the fight, and that he was the best. At least, he stood proud and
defiant until he heard a pair of voices behind him.
Tarou smirked as he inspected the papers on his table. "Well, look what
this says. With the kiddies' loss, they now have the worst record in the
division." Seeing Ash stagger back, he grinned ferally. "Gonna run home to
Mommy?"
Always one to put a bright spin on any situation, Hiroshi cut in, "More
importantly, with this fight Jessie and James -- who are going to be okay,
folks! -- join Iori Yagami, Sakura Kusanago, and Ranma Saotome as the five most
winning fighters in Ultra! ...I think my brain's about to explode."
"Good riddance."
Turning, Ash finally looked at Team Rocket. His eyes widened as he saw
the medtechs still diligently working, a scatter of medical equipment setting on
the mat around them. He began shaking his head, slowly at first, then
increasing in speed. Misty's hand coming down to rest lightly on his shoulder
nearly sent him jumping out of his skin.
"The fight's over, Ash," Misty quietly said. "We should go."
"Y... yeah," Ash slowly replied, incomprehension his only expression as he
listened to the crowd's jeering, watched Team Rocket lie motionless and silent.
"Let's go."
The two children left the ring without another word, driven forward by the
sharp boos of the crowd.
"Well that was... not at all how I expected that fight to go," Hiroshi
slowly said as Team Rocket was carted off. "Team Pokemon certainly hasn't made
themselves any friends tonight! I can't see them getting another shot at the
belts for quite some time to come!"
"Pathetic."
"I wouldn't call Ash pathetic, Tarou..."
"I was talking about you, Clone Boy. Can't you see that the little
kiddies finally managed to find a backbone to share between them? That's the
kind of stuff real fighters are made of." Venom dripping from his voice, Tarou
continued, "Or are you still hung up on cheering for the losers, the jokes, the
people you so obviously identify with?"
"How the hell does your brain work, Tarou? Three minutes ago you were
making fun of them!"
"It's incentive, Clone Boy. The same kind of incentive I give you every
show, so that you'll finally get off your ass and do a halfway decent job of
announcing. You should thank me."
Metal nearly buckled under Hiroshi's fingers as he gripped his microphone.
"We'll be right back, fol--"
"You should thank me," came the repeated command, now softer and more
dangerous.
"Thank you so much," Hiroshi spat out. "We'll be right back."
* * *
Pikachu hopped around the CHAOS backstage room. Comfortable place, it
supposed, if a bit cramped for the four people who had to use it. Thankfully,
the pokemon had it all to itself at the moment.
A small TV showed what was currently happening on the show. Pikachu
didn't want to watch it. No more Ultra, it decided. "Pika," it cursed.
Then something familiar sounded from the television. Pikachu recognized
that theme music. He looked up at the screen.
It was Ash! His friend was actually fighting! Ash and Misty were
actually fighting! The pokemon bounced up onto the chair in front of the TV and
hunkered down to watch.
"Pii," it sighed when Team Rocket interrupted Ash. And just when the
Pokemon Master was getting down to his point. Ash knew what he was talking
about.
The fight started, and Pikachu watched, enraptured, as Ash took the
offensive. That was the Ash of old, the never-say-die, gonna-take-on-the-world-
and-win boy that Pikachu knew.
Only... Ash seemed a little jumpy. Ash seemed a little agressive. A
little too agressive.
"Pika!" the pokemon exclaimed when Bulbasaur attacked Jessie. "Pii chu,
Pika!"
Bulbasaur then attacked James. This was horrible! What was Ash doing?
Pikachu turned away. Something was wrong with Ash. Something was VERY
wrong.
* * *
Camera looks down on a young child. The tyke is staring up with wide eyes, a
half-melted popsicle hanging out of her mouth. She looks back and forth... back
and forth.
After a while, she suddenly walks towards one of the directions she was looking
in.
The Camera pans around and shows the child hugging a plush Shingo and Sakura.
The other side shows a plush Morrigan and Darshu.
A woman walks on. She has on a faceguard and is wearing a flamethrower. She
blasts away and incinerates the Morrigan and Darshu plushies.
ANNOUNCER: CHAOS. Kid Tested. Mother Approved.
* * *
Daisuke stepped gingerly into the room. The last medtech squeezed around
him as he looked around. The man tipped his hat slightly and murmered a
greeting. He smiled back, then turned his attention to the Room's occupants.
Team Rocket had seen better days. At least both of them were conscious.
"Hey," he said. The pair looked up at him. Despite the win, defeat was
in their eyes.
An awkward silence reigned in the room before Jessie coughed.
"Um," Daisuke managed to say, tearing his eyes away from the bruises on
her neck. "Sorry about tonight."
"Oh, why are YOU apologizing. It wasn't your fault." She rubbed her
chest. "What was Ash thinking?"
James glumly nodded his assent.
"But did you have anything else to say besides offering your condolences?"
"Oh, right. Yeah. We were wondering if you'd like to, ah, join CHAOS."
"WHAT?" Jessie and James shot upright and shouted. James immediately
started coughing and sat back down. Jessie turned and whacked him a few times
on the back, which only served to strenghthen the coughs.
"Yeah. Join up with us. We'd manage you..."
"No."
"Er... What?" Daisuke blinked at Jessie's flat expression.
"No. We won't work for Jack. That's final." She gave James a long look.
"We don't trust him, do we?"
After a brief hesitation, her partner nodded his assent.
Daisuke leaned back against the doorframe and tapped his chin, a thoughful
expression on his face. "You should consider it..."
"No."
"We can do a lot for you."
"No."
"We've got a potential replacement for Meowth."
"No."
"We can get you better contracts."
Slight hesitation. "No."
"Better merchandising deals. Money in YOUR pockets."
"Eh... No! What are you trying to do? Bribe us?"
Daisuke smiled. "We've got two well-trained fighters who can protect
you."
"N--" Jessie stopped and looked at James. A hurt expression crossed the
lavender-haired man's face. "Protection?"
"Yup." Daisuke nodded.
"We'll take it!"
* * *
"And we're BACK, folks! It's time for our last amazing match of the
night. An all-out tussle in a post-apocalyptic wasteland for the Omega belt.
Naga the White Serpent has held onto this gem for longer than anyone in Ultra
history! Will Dark Schneider be able to take the belt away from her?"
"Of course he will, clone-boy. Schneider already proved he can beat
laugh-girl. This fight is as good as open..." Tarou snapped his fingers. "And
shut." he thumped a fist against the table.
"If you say so, Tarou."
"If _I_ say so? Of course I do, clone-boy. You should know I'm right, by
now."
Hiroshi ignored the barb. "Now, let's check out the battlefield. The
fighters are about to arrive!"
* * *
Twin portals opened. Naga the White Serpent and Dark Schneider stepped
out opposite each other. Gokuu dropped to the ground between them.
"Okay," the referee said, "Standard rules. I'll be watching for
cheating." He held out his hand and Naga gave him the belt to hold.
"You aren't getting that back," Darshu said.
"OOOOOHOHOHOHO!!!! How small you mind is, silly man, to believe that I,
Naga the Whi--"
"Have at it," Gokuu said.
][ OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT vs. DARK SCHNEIDER
][ FIGHT!
And they started:
"GUNSN-ROH!"
"DEMONA CRYSTAL!"
The wall of fire and fog of ice met and sizzled a little bit. The two
combatants looked down at the result of their efforts and blinked.
Again:
"BARVOLT!"
"FREEZE ARROW!"
* * *
"And the combatants are off to a quick start!" Hiroshi emoted. "Naga and
Darshu are matching spell-for-spell."
"A situation that will last long enough for Naga to run out of silly ideas
and fireworks displays," Tarou scoffed. "SCHNEIDER--" He emphasized the word.
"--has a larger library AND more powerful magic."
"But Naga's got a lot of ingenuity and guts behind her."
Tarou gave him a level stare. "Oh. Schneider's going to win, and you
agree, right?"
"Er... yeah," Hiroshi replied glumly.
* * *
This time, both of them staggered. Darshu shivered and ignited a small
fire to melt the ice off of him. Naga coughed and wiped a bit of soot from her
eyes.
"Ohohoho! You shall not strike me again."
Darshu snorted. "Shows what you know. RAVEN!" He took off.
"RAYWING!" Naga took off after the silver-haired sorcerer. "You aren't
getting off easy this time! FREEZE BLEED!"
He turned and looked at the fast approaching iceball. "DAMNED!" Fireball
met iceball. The water superheated, blasting out jets of steam in all
directions, blowing both fighters into random, wavey paths.
"LY BRIEM!" Naga shouted, trying to catch Darshu in his weakness.
"BARVOLT!" he countered. Unfortunately for both of them, neither was in
the position to cast accurately.
* * *
Nabiki crushed the paper in her hand. They couldn't do this. They
couldn't POSSIBLY be doing this. The fight was going to fast. At this rate,
she would have ten minutes of dead air time.
What the hell was Schneider thinking?
She sat down at her desk and pulled up a file on her computer. Darshu
could be reprimanded later. Nabiki would figure out how to save the immediate,
first.
* * *
Darshu watched as Naga dipped to the ground. She alighted for a moment,
and then rose into the air again. Good. She was already more tired than he.
He turned and sped right at her.
If he worked fast, this could be over before the bitch knew what was
happening.
"FREEZE ARROW!" she cast. The ice spikes ripped into Darshu's arm, but he
kept coming at her.
"BLOODHOUN-GAN!" he shouted. He threw the package Nabiki had given him at
Naga's head. The oblique projectile arced slowly through the air at the raven-
tressed sorceress.
"ICICLE LANCE!" The spear of ice sliced straight through the package...
Less than two meters from where she floated. The contents of the package
exploded and doused Naga.
For a brief moment, nothing happened. Then she started stuttering, "Buh-
buh-buh...!" And falling. Darshu blinked. He didn't know what Nabiki had
given him, but it had worked. Score three for the boss.
* * *
"Now that," Tarou said, "Is good planning."
"What did he do?"
"He just knew enough to plan for Naga's weaknesses."
"I wonder."
"Do you, clone-boy? It never seems like it."
* * *
He dove after Naga, preparing his new finishing spell. He smiled. Quick
and dirty, just how he liked it.
"...buh-bluh-bu-bwahahohohOHOHOHOHO!" Naga started laughing. She turned
and looked up at Darshu. "Boo! That blood was FAKE! As if something so
childish could catch the illustious White Ser--"
"GODSMACK!" Darshu finished his incantation. A circular wall of darkness
expanded from his hands and then slammed downwards. It caught Naga and drove
her to the ground. She hit with a wet crunch.
* * *
"NAGA is DOWN! After her stunning recovery from one new 'attack' of
Darsh-- Schneider's, she falls to a second one! Is it over for her!" Hiroshi
and 30,000 fans stared riveted at the screen.
"God willing. The sooner I can stop listening to your idiot prattle, the
better."
"Oh, my LINA, look! She's still standing! NAGA IS STILL UP!"
* * *
The White Serpent coughed. A few flecks of blood landed on her glove.
She stared at them for a moment, not immediately comprehending. Damn, but that
hit had hurt.
Darshu was coming down to finish her off. She had to turn the tide. She
cast the first spell that came to her mind. "ZELAS GORT!"
Hundreds of jellyfish filled the intervening space between the two spell-
casters. Darshu crashed into the sea-animals. A curse left his mouth, but ran
into one of the jellyfish and became little more than a blub. The entire
ensemble crashed to the ground in front of Naga.
"OOOOOHOHOHOHO! I have you now, Darshu-chan!" She raised her hands.
"FREEZE RAI--"
Her casting cut off when something very sharp slashed her across the back.
A look of total surprise came across her face as the words became just a gasp.
Naga the White Serpent hit the ground, unconscious, bleeding.
Sephiroth lowered Masamune. "Now. I hope that my message is clear."
* * *
"Sephiroth has punked NAGA! That's interference! Darshu has lost the
match on a technicality!"
"Don't jump to conclusions, clone-boy." Tarou smirked. "It still has to
be determined that Naga is actually down."
Hiroshi speared his partner a glare. "I think, Tarou, that it's pretty
obvious that Dark Schneider was already down and about to be out for good."
"What? By one of the goldfish feces' little spells?"
"Yes! By one of those spells." Hiroshi bared a grin. "Let's wait for
the official decision, shall we?"
* * *
Gokuu stared down from his perch on a low mountain. Time to do his job,
again. Interference was enough to call the fight, and the deadly wound Naga had
suffered would need to be fixed immediately. He got up.
"Gokuu!" A floating screen popped up in front of him. Nabiki frowned.
"Stay where you are."
"But there's been interference."
"I don't care. The show's running short, and we need to fill time. This
is an emergency battle. Whatever happens goes."
His fist tightened. "No. Naga's been hurt, and I need to stop this NOW."
"You will NOT!" Nabiki shut her eyes and visibly regained composure.
"I'm sorry, Gokuu, but this is necessarry. Naga will survive for the next five
minutes, at least. And Lina can save her no matter what."
Gokuu's jaw clenched, but he answered, "Alright."
* * *
The would-be god turned towards the heavens. "Lina Inverse! False Diety!
I do not think you understand how serious I am! I will do this to--"
"YAHOOOOOOIE!!!!!"
* * *
"IT'S DAN! STONE-COLD DAN HIBIKI IS TAKING ON SEPHIROTH!"
Tarou rubbed his eyes. "As if things couldn't get any worse. The one-man
comedy troupe shows up."
* * *
][ OMEGA BRAWL
][ T.G.L.S.C. DAN HIBIKI vs. SEPHIROTH vs. DARK SCHNEIDER vs. NAGA(?)
][ FIGHT!
"You have attacked an unwary person!" Dan flexed his muscles in
powerpose-ish ways. He waggled a few fingers at Sephiroth. "I, Taunting
Godhead Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki cannot allow that to happen! I punish you
in the name of--"
"Oh, do shut UP!" Sephiroth snapped. "I'd rather fight you, anyway."
"Very well, then! OSHAAAA!!!" Dan jumped, charging and raising his fists
to fire off an attack.
Halfway to Sephiroth, a rift opened in the ground, and a huge red and
black arm reached up and slapped the Saikyo-Ryu Shotokanner flying.
"OYAJIIIII!!!!!!!" Dan cried as he sailed off into the distance.
"Hey! I'm still here," Darshu called, still struggling out from under the
jellyfish.
* * *
"It's Asuka Langley Soryuu! Heaven and Hell and Sephiroth inbetween!"
"This is getting insane."
* * *
][ OMEGA BRAWL
][ ASUKA/EVA-02 vs. DAN HIBIKI vs. SEPHIROTH vs. DARK SCHNEIDER vs. NAGA(?)
][ FIGHT!
Asuka giggled as she stepped out of the rift, her EVA-02 body towering
over all others present. "I will NOT let any of them TAKE me. All of Heaven
must DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"I don't care for you, either." Sephiroth stared up at the war machine.
"All who get in my way will fall, that includes the denizens of your Hell."
"NO! You won't take me, either! KYAAAA!!!!" Asuka stomped down on the
mage. He flew back out of the way and cast a fireball. The burst of flames
enveloped the upper half of the Eva. Asuka screamed in pain.
"I will not be defeated!" She spun and swipe kicked at Sephiroth. It
clipped his shoulder and sent him crashing to the ground.
"ASUKA! You don't have to do this! Please!"
* * *
"Oh, great. It's whiner-boy. This is just ridiculous."
"When will this end?" Hiroshi shouted.
"That's precisely what I was going to ask."
"Shinji Ikari has shown up and is... NOT fighting?"
"You expected any different?" Tarou asked rhetorically.
* * *
][ OMEGA BRAWL
][ SHINJI IKARI/EVA-01 vs. ASUKA LANGLEY vs. DAN HIBIKI vs. SEPHIROTH vs.
DARK SCHNEIDER vs. NAGA(?)
][ FIGHT!
Shinji stood far shorter than his counterpart from Hell. "Please, Asuka.
You don't have to do this."
"Enough of your lies, Shinji! Now you'll die and I'll never have to hear
them again!" Asuka thrust a punch down.
"Please..." Shinji said one last time, but his form grew, melting into
that of EVA-01. He caught the descending fist and wrestled it back.
* * *
Sephiroth recovered and turned his path around. He saw the two giants,
angel and demon, and smiled. He could take out two with one blow.
"OSHAAAAA!"
Provided he could avoid the idiot. The One-Wing Angel sighed. So many
targets, so little time.
He swerved, letting Dan pass harmlessly past. The two Evas grew in his
view. He started to cast Ultima.
The purple giant turned and saw him. "Asuka!" Shinji shouted, "Three
seconds!"
As if it were choreographed, the two Evas, fighting just a moment before,
vaulted into the air and flipped, angling back down in mirror-image kicks.
Sephiroth looked up. He realized that two very large and very heavy
machines were about to land on top of him.
"You will NOT hurt my Sephy-chan!"
* * *
"MORE of them? GOD, just get it over with. Make someone win."
Hiroshi frowned. "Oh, Tarou, you make it sound like it's planned out from
the beginning."
"It isn't?"
"Well, B-Ko Daitokuji is the latest to enter this mass free-for-all that
seems destined to engulf all of Omega!"
* * *
][ OMEGA BRAWL
][ B-KO DAITOKUJI vs. SHINJI IKARI vs. ASUKA LANGLEY vs. DAN HIBIKI vs.
SEPHIROTH vs. DARK SCHNEIDER vs. NAGA(?)
][ FIGHT!
The bikini-armor clad girl fired off a swarm of missiles. The projectiles
impacted across EVAs 01 and 02, breaking up their attack. The machines each
thumped uncerimoniously to the ground.
Dan tackled Sephiroth. The One-Wing Angel let out and oof and tried to
strike at the man grasping around his back.
Asuka got to her feet first. She looked around and saw the one who
attacked her, but where was... "SHINJI! How dare you trick me like that!" She
started charging.
* * *
Lina Inverse popped into the battlefield. It had seemed like such a
simple instruction. "Get Naga," she had told them, but neither Dan nor Shinji
seemed capable of that.
So it was up to the Almighty Lady in Heaven to get her friend and rival
out.
Amidst all the chaos, her unspectacular entrance went without notice. She
shrugged and walked over to Naga. At least she was still breathing. Lina
easily hefted the Raven-haired sorceress over her shoulder.
Well, not quite so easily. There were drawbacks of keeping her form as
close to her original, mortal self. Perhaps she could get rid of some of that
excess weight of Naga's...
No. Lina wouldn't abuse her power like that. She was beyond petty
jealousy like that. She HAD to be.
She opened the portal back to Heaven and stepped through. It was getting
too dangerous to leave Naga alone in Omega. Lina had to convince her to join
Heaven fully.
First she had to heal the White Serpent, however.
* * *
Hiroshi stared at the screen. He panted, trying to find his voice and his
breath. Despite his silence, the UltraDome roared with cheers at the back-and-
forth brawl onscreen.
"Having trouble, clone-boy?"
"There's... too much to say. It's crazy."
"Apply yourself, Hiroshi. You won't get ANYTHING done in the world if you
can't follow through on a job."
"I don't see YOU doing much announcing for all this."
"Moi?" Tarou arched an eyebrow. "Only an idiot would try and figure this
crap out."
"..."
"It's not like you could do any better than the idiots who watch this
show, in the first place, so why do you even bother!"
"Holy crap! B-Ko just disappeared!"
"What?"
"Look, you idiot!" Hiroshi pointed at the screen. "Look! There went
Shinji and Asuka!"
Indeed, black bubbles were appearing and enveloping the various fighters.
Sephiroth and Dan soon followed.
The UltraDome fell into silence. On the UltraTron the pile of jellyfish
finished shifting, and Dark Schneider poked his head out.
"The man is my style," Tarou said. "Smart enough to let the idiots blast
away at each other."
"I dunno, he looks more confused than anything else."
Gokuu landed next to the Heavy Metal Sorcerer and surveyed the scene.
"Okay," the Saiyan said eventually, "I suppose that Darshu's the winner."
A boo erupted immediately. Soon, a counterpoint cheer of "DAN! DAN!
DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN!" rose up and began swirling around the the edges of the
crowd.
"Well, anticlimatic though it is, I suppose this is the end of our show.
I'm Tarou."
"And I'm-- Gokuu has disappeared! Someone just killed Gokuu!"
"No, you idiot, he just got sent to another dimension."
* * *
Darshu was brushing off more jellyfish slime when Gokuu declared him
winner. A smug smile crossed his face. At last he was the champion, and winner
of that silly brawl.
Then Gokuu disappeared.
It was like an explosion in reverse. It was very dark, and very
implosive, and it hurt his eyes to look at. He shied away. When he looked
back, the referee was gone.
A figure floated down in front of him. "Dark Schneider," Ifurita said.
"I challenge you."
He snorted. "Maybe some other time."
She leveled the Power-Key Staff at him. "You will fight me now, or I will
kill you."
"Okay, babe." He shrugged. "If that's the way you want it, fine."
* * *
"Ifurita has just challenged Dark Schneider! She's just taken out half
the Omega division AND Gokuu, and he accepted her challenge!"
Tarou rolled his eyes. "She didn't even come close to taking out half the
division, clone-boy. Learn to count!" He elbowed Hiroshi. "They were just too
blind to notice an obvious attack like that. Schneider knows she's there."
"But that power!"
"And," Tarou said through gritted teeth, "Look at windup-girl's record.
There's a reason she only has one win."
"She hasn't fought that often?"
"She's braindead, clone-boy. Look on the bright side, she's a step or two
below you."
* * *
][ OMEGA CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
][ IFURITA vs. DARK SCHNEIDER
][ FIGHT!
"RAVEN!" Darshu took off like a rocket. After a moments pause, Ifurita
followed. She fired off a few blasts from her staff, but Darshu's weaving
caused them to go wide.
"ANSEN!" he shouted. Hundreds of little bullets appeared and rushed at
Ifurita. A few slammed into her, stalling her motion briefly.
"Technique catalogued: Ansen." The Power-Key Staff glowed, and again the
bullets appeared, this time travelling in the opposite direction.
Darshu's eyes widened as they flew at him. "GUNSN-ROH!" he cast. A ring
of flame appeared around him. The bullets slammed into it and whuffed into
nothingness.
"Technique catalogued: Gunsn-Roh." A ring of fire also appeared around
Ifurita as well. Darshu noted glumly that it stayed in place as she flew at
him.
"RAI BOH!" he tried.
"Technique catalogued."
"BARVOLT!"
"Technique catalogued."
"DAMNED!"
"Technique catalogued."
He was starting to sweat. Something had to get through to her. Sure, he
was damaging her, but each time he did, she got more powrful. Dammit, why
hadn't Nabiki thought enough to give him information on all the Omega
competitors? If only he knew her weak spot.
He needed something more powerful. "SODOM!" The spining scythes of force
sped at Ifurita.
She blinked once and raised her staff. "Countertechnique: Energy shield."
A circular blue field appeared in front of her. The scythes slammed into it,
and it shattered. Ifurita buckled under the impact, but did not fall.
Darshu smiled. He had it!
"Technique catalogued."
No! It had to be something more powerful. At least she wasn't
counterattacking.
"Technique: Shotokan Martial Arts. Shinkuu Hadouken."
Darshu curshed and aerially scrambled out of the way of the stream of
energy. What could he do? He could... He could...
Ifurita chased after him, firing blasts from her staff.
He decided to grasp at something. "Du hast mich gefragt und ich hab
nichts gesagt!... RAMMSTEIN!"
The resulting blast tried to send Ifurita in every way at once. She
stopped moving, then started twitching spasmodically. A tender scream began in
the base of her throat, then grew until it became inhuman. It was impossible to
tell if it was her body or mind that was in pain.
The spell stopped, and Ifurita dropped.
* * *
"..." Hiroshi couldn't do it. He could not possibly say any more.
Anything he said would get shot right back at him.
"What'd I tell you, clone-boy?"
Hiroshi shrugged. "idunno."
"What's that? C'mon, speak up. Tell me."
"You were right, Tarou." Inside, Hiroshi wanted to shoot himself. Or
attack Darshu with nothing other than a paperclip. Something suicidal. Besides
talking back to Tarou.
"That's right, clone-boy. You're learning."
* * *
Darshu landed next to Ifurita's prone form. "HAHAHAHA! See what happens
when you oppose me. I am the champion, and I can beat ANY of you fake people."
He kicked her. "I've taken care of you." Another kick. "And your 'Angel'
friend." Kick. "And even that little cat-girl."
The android girl twitched. Her hand closed into a brief fist, then opened
again.
The sorcerer didn't notice, and continued ranting, placing more kicks into
her stomach. "I think she was the most fun, y'know. Didn't even put up a
proper fight..."
Ifurita blinked. Her staff lay just a few meters away, but on the other
side of Darshu's pacing feet.
"Maybe I'll take her on again, one of these days. I'd be nice to her,
then. She'd have a chance at my belt. Not a real chance, mind you, but... Eh?
did you say something?" He looked down as Ifurita struggled to rise. "What was
that?" he pressed a toe against her shoulder and flipped her over onto her
back. "Say that again?"
"Te-technique catalogued."
Darshu tensed up a moment, for whatever attack she was going to throw, but
nothing happened. He looked around, nervously at first, then with more ease.
He started to laugh. "Oh, that's rich! You're trying to trick me, but I'm onto
your game, now, sister!" He reached down and grabbed Ifurita by the collar,
easily hefting her up to eye-level. "You can't do a damn thing if _I_ don't do
it first. So, how about I just give you an old-fashioned beat down." He buried
a fist in her stomach.
Ifurita coughed. She raised her hands and grasped onto his wrists, but it
was rock hard.
"I think I'll do this with the cat-bitch. Nice and personal. You won't
be around to stop me."
"You... won't touch her," Ifurita said. Her voice was hoarse and weak.
"I don't see why not." A sly smile crossed Darshu's face. He punched her
a second, then a third time. "You got rid of the referee, so there's nothing to
stop me from wiping your sorry ass all across this shithole."
"No."
"Oh, yes." Punch. "Y'know, I've been thinking." Punch. "I won't beat
up your little friend. She's too cute for that... I'll have some REAL fun
instead."
Ifurita's eyes snapped open. "NO!" she screamed.
Surprised, Darshu opened his hand.
Ifurita landed lightly on her feet. She stared up at him for a moment.
Her eyes more alive than they had ever been. Her hand tightened into a shaky
fist. "You will never touch that little girl!" She lit him up with a
roundhouse to his chin.
Darshu's head rocked back. He looked back down at her, working his jaw.
"That it?" he asked.
"You BASTARD!"
Her tackled bowled him over. They rolled on the ground in a scuffle which
Darshu suddenly found him to be just him. He scrambled to his knees and looked
up just in time for the Power-Key Staff to catch him across the nose.
He felt a lot of pain in the next few long moments. "You!" she screamed,
slamming the staff down on his head. "Will!" His chest. "Never!" His groin.
"Fucking!" His arm. "Bother!" His gut. "Us!" His head. "AGAIN!"
Darshu looked up out of a swollen eye, waiting for the next blow to fall.
He realized it was not going to come. Gokuu held the staff in one hand, and it
did not move, even though Ifurita fought with all her might to strike again.
"It's over," the Saiyan said quietly. "Ifurita has won." He looked down
at Darshu. "Can you still move?"
The sorcerer nodded mutely.
"Then get out of here."
After Darshu had left, a second portal opened and Gally and Nuku Nuku
hurried out. Gokuu finally let go of the staff. The last attack finished and
struck the ground where Darshu's head had been.
Ifurita raised the staff again. Nuku Nuku grabbed her, pulling her down.
"Ifurita-san! Ifurita-san! It's over."
The android girl blinked at the person holding her. "Nuku Nuku, you're
okay!"
The demon-god buried her face in the shoulder of the cat-android while the
Battle Angel and the Omega Referee watched on.
* * *
"Ifurita is the Omega champion! Only minutes after he takes the belt,
Dark Schneider has lost it to Ifurita!" Hiroshi was up on top of his chair with
his tirade. The crowd was screaming with excitement behind him.
Tarou shook his head. "There's something not right about this."
"Excuse me." Despite the interjection, the crowd continued unabated.
"Excuse me!" Slowly, people realized that someone IMPORTANT was on the entrance
ramp.
Nabiki Tendou stood there, smartly dressed in her business suit, looking
very much the owner of the worlds largest fighting federation. The crowd
quieted until there were only a few clumps of noise.
"Thank you. There seems to be some confusion as to what exactly happened
in all the confusion. I am here to deliver an official ruling." She waited for
the murmers to mostly cease before continuing. "Dark Schneider won the match
against Naga on basis of the fact that she left the battlefield before it was
declared officially over. The Omega Brawl has been determined inconclusive.
And the match against Ifurita was NOT officially booked, and therefore was not
for the Omega belt. Ifurita won a grudge match. Dark Schneider remains Omega
champion."
The responsive boos were almost louder than the cheers at Ifurita's
victory.
"Howev--" Nabiki stopped and stared at the crowd. "However," she raised
her voice just slightly. "I realize that this is an unpopular call for some of
you. The officials for Ultra have come to this conclusion by the fairest
possible means."
The booing quieted, but did not cease.
"Now I realize that this might not sit well with everyone..." There was
a surge of agreement before Nabiki continued. "So, we've arranged a small
surprise for you. Something you'll really enjoy."
A questioning murmur rippling through the crowd.
Nabiki tapped her finger against her chin, putting on a show of deep
consideration. "What if I told you that, in two weeks time, for your enjoyment,
we will be holding a special No DQ ladder match?"
The boos turned to cheers. A ladder match was good thing.
"Sorry, folks," Nabiki smirked. "That's not it." Again, she feigned
consideration. "How about this... in two weeks time, the entire show will be
co-hosted by none other than Taunting Godhead Legend Stone Cold Dan Hibiki?"
And the pop was very good indeed.
"Sorry, that's not it either." Nabiki smirked at the audience again.
"Perhaps, it's this one? Live in the Ultradome, two weeks from tonight, Gamma
Champion Morrigan Aensland will defend her title in a take-all-comers mud-
wrestling title defence?"
And the pop was very good, once more (although a few people got a roring
elbow to the gut for their effort).
"No, folks, that one's not it either! Why don't I tell you what our gift
to you is. Because we are here to serve YOU, the fans, I would like to be the
first to announce, a brand new Ultra Pay-Per-View event! In two weeks time,
Ultra REBOOT will arrive, featuring an eight-entry tournament, in the style of
it's predecessor Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting Tournament BETA.
The fighters in this tourney will be drawn from the Gamma and Lambda divisions."
And the pop was excellent. Anything new was exciting. And Exciting was
Good.
"Three belt holders: Morrigan, Akane, and Jessie as well as five others:
Marlo Semaj, Shingo Yabuki, Tifa Lockhart, Mr. Satan, and Shermie. They will
be fighting until only one remains," Nabiki continued. "And we plan to bring
the excitement straight to each and every one of you. Because this Pay-Per-View
is for you, the fans. We want to hear your voice. Our website, mtcffultra.com,
is waiting for Ultra's fans to let their voices be heard." Nabiki paused.
"Because that's where the prize lies, folks. The winner of Ultra
REBOOT will be featured on mtcffultra.com in all their glory, as the biggest
sports entertainment star on the Internet... and that's not all!" Nabiki held
the pause for a second, then continued. "Along with the fame and prestige, what
Pay-Per-View would be complete without some title gold on the line? UltraREBOOT
debuts the Internet Championship Belt. How does that sound?"
It sounded like a huge number of people cheering at the top of their
lungs.
"I know that this is what you--"
"Hold up!"
Nabiki stopped and turned. Controversial Jack, followed by Daisuke,
sauntered down towards her, pink and green power-tie blaring.
"What is this, Jack?" Nabiki bit through clenched teeth.
"Hmm? Oh, sorry, Nabs, I just had to pick up something." He stepped past
Nabiki and bent over at the bottom of the ramp. "I forgot my friend!" he said,
holding out Mr. Duck into Nabiki's face.
*SQUEAK*
"Yes, that's lovely. Now, I have show to close." She looked over at the
announcer's table. "Tarou, if you would please."
"Alright, alright!" Jack held up his hands. "I was just leaving." He
tromped back past her and up the ramp.
"Very good. Now, as I was sayi--"
"Oh, yeah!" Jack spun around. "There WAS one other thing." He stopped
to let the crowd focus on him. Nabiki just glowered.
"It seems to me that some people in this federation haven't been taking me
seriously..." Daisuke nudged Jack. "Er... taking US seriously. This does not
jive with the Jackster, ladies and gentlement. I took this federation when it
was a floundering mess and turned it into the quality, high-brow form of
entertainment you know it today. She--" he jabbed a finger at Nabiki, "--is
just riding on the coattails of what I wrought.
"But that's in the past, now. I don't control Ultra anymore, and though I
will, my current calling is not to be head booker. Even so, I am DEDICATED to
giving you, the audience the best show that they deserve."
The audience cheered. Jack gave Nabiki a 20 carat smile. "Ms. Tendou
here has a few qualms, you know. She's got a few skeletons in her closet, and
each night you watch, a few more join them.
"CHAOS is here to stop that! No longer shall her tyranny continue
unopposed! We will be watching. And we have gotten help!"
"Help!" Nabiki frowned. "What help?"
The lights went out in response.
"Prepare for trouble!"
The exposive cheer was enough to drown out the "And make it a double!"
line.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation."
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"JESSIE!" A spotlight flashed on at the top of the ramp. The magenta-
razor-haired pokemon trainer posed expressively.
"JAMES!" Her lavender-haired partner likewise powerposed next to her as a
second spotlight came on. Behind them, Shingo and Sakura could be seen. The
first in a nice copy of Jessie's miniskirt and posing with delight, the latter
dressed like James and giving a good effort, but obviously wanting to be
anywhere else.
"Team Rocket BLASTS OFF at the speed of light! Surrender now or prepare
to fight!" The volume rose, drowning out the crowd.
"PIKACHUUUUU!!!!!" The electric-yellow pokemon appeared between the
Jessie and James, raising his little paws and basking in the cheers.
"That's right!" And with the end, all sound stopped. The crowd, CHAOS,
Nabiki, even the Double Trouble music simply ceased to emit.
The lights came back up, and for a moment, the stunned silence reighned.
Not one throat of those 30,000 said a word.
Nabiki was the first to break it. "Now, wait just a minute! That...
THING--" She stabbed a finger down at Pikachu, but hastily backed away, keeping
her distance. "--CANNOT fight."
Jack cocked his head. "Oh, Beeky, Beeky, Beeky. You said he could not
fight in any division. Pikachu is a pokemon. Jessie and James are pokemon
trainers, it's how they fight." He looked out at the crowd. "Who wants some
CHAOS in their ULTRA?"
And the UltraDome Was Loud(tm).
* * *
Darshu paced back and forth. His face was swollen and turning a rainbow
of painful colors, but his movements were those of anger.
"Oh, you really should sit down," his companion in the room said. "All
that movement is making me restless."
"What would YOU know about it, Morrigan?" he shouted. "I was humiliated,
today."
She arched her eyebrow at him. "You have your belt... Oh, is it that
OTHER thing?" Morrigan smiled and pursed her lips. "Was that wind-up toy too
much woman for you?"
His shoulders tensed up. It would only take a punch or two to wipe
that... Darshu shook his head. He didn't need that. She was right, he WAS
champion, and that's what mattered.
"What about him?" he asked with a nod towards the room's third occupant.
"Who? My pet?" Morrigan sofly stroked Wolverine's head as he squatted
next to her chair. The mutant growled. His wild eyes kept coming back into
focus on Darshu, something that made the sorcerer slightly uncomfortable.
"He doesn't look controlled."
"Of course he isn't controlled." Morrigan grabbed the X-man's chin and
harshly pulled his head around. "He's cowed. Isn't that right, my pet?" She
nipped Wolverine's nose.
Darshu slumped in the couch. "How'd you do it?"
"Oh, it was very simple. The angrier he gets, the worse his control over
his brain. He's just like an animal, right now, and he'll do my..." The
succubus started to run a hand through the hairs of the mutant's chest. "Every
command."
"Oh, please." Darshu rolled his eyes. "Why don't you try out a real
man?"
She cocked her head at him. "Do you know of one around here? I haven't
seen any."
He spread his arms and flicked his fingers in, indicating himself.
Morrigan gave him a small smile. Then, abruptly, she started to laugh.
Darshu dropped his arms and let his head flop back.
* * *
Ash sat quietly in his and Misty's dressing room, staring into the mirror.
He'd held that position for over a quarter hour now, trying to find in his own
reflection an explanation for the day's events. The sight of the door opening
behind him drew his attention, and he turned to face Misty. "Misty..."
"Ash?"
"Why did this happen?" He swallowed hard, and continued, "Why... why did
Bulbasaur go overboard like that? What's wrong with him?"
Frowning slightly, Misty took more than a moment to respond. "They say
there are no bad pokemon, Ash... only..."
"...Only bad trainers," he completed, face darkening at the saying.
"You're saying I wanted Team Rocket to get hurt like that, Misty? Well, you're
wrong. I'd never do anything like that. I'm the hero, I'm the good guy, and
they're the villains. They're the ones that hurt people, not me. I just won't
use Bulbasaur from now on. Ultra must have made him go a little crazy."
The floor beneath her feet suddenly seemed to hold great interest for
Misty. "You sure that's it, Ash?"
Forcing casualness, he replied, "What else could it be? And if I don't
use Bulbasaur, then the people won't boo him. And they couldn't cheer me when
they were booing him. It all makes sense now that I think about it."
He trailed his finger over the color seam on a pokeball sitting on his
desk and frowned. "Too bad the UltraDome doesn't have good training facilities
for pokemon, or I'd try and get Bulbasaur back to normal. It makes me feel
really bad, knowing that one of my pokemon has turned so weird."
Then, just as quickly as he'd turned depressed, Ash laughed, almost
succeeding in making it sound casual and unforced. "Just think how popular
we'll be once we prove to everyone what Team Rocket's like, Misty! Then they'll
feel sorry for booing! And Ash Ketchum, master pokemon trainer, will be back on
top where he belongs!" Looking over to Misty, he frowned. "You're not getting
into this enough, Misty!"
She smiled weakly. "Uh, right! Ash and Misty, Ultra champions, loved by
all!"
"Right! That's where we'll be, you'll see!" Ash hopped to his feet and
motioned towards the door. "Come on, Misty, let's go make plans for when we're
champs! We may not get a shot at the belt again for a while, but we'll be ready
when we do, right?" Without waiting for an answer, he strode triumphantly out
the door... right into a familiar figure.
"Owww!"
Ash stared. "Meowth?"
The feline pokemon stared up at Ash suspiciously. "Whadda you want? And
why don't you watch where you're goin'?"
From behind Ash, Misty peered down at Meowth. "I thought you were lost in
a spaceship or something. When did you get back?"
Striking a self-assured pose, Meowth answered, "You're talking to da
brainiest pokemon alive! It was child's play ta turn dat spaceship around and
make it back ta Earth-"
"Haven't you been gone for about a month?" Ash asked, scratching his head.
"...Da controls weren't designed for Meowth's paws, dat's all." His
attempt at blustering through his experience failing, Meowth drooped his
shoulders and sighed. "Amazing how much things can change in a month, isn't
it?"
"What do you mean?" Misty asked, dropping to her haunches to bring her
gaze level with Meowth's. Enemy or not, the trainer in her didn't want to hear
any pokemon sound as sad as Meowth did right then.
"Jessie and James... I just went and talked to 'em. Dey got beat up real
bad tonight."
Ash nodded sadly. "Bulbasaur went berserk. It's because they were
cheating, but I didn't want them to get hurt like they did."
"But ya know, dey said dey weren't cheating. I mean--dat can't be right,
right? Dey wouldn't be on the up and up, dat's just not what Team Rocket's
about!"
"Exactly!" Ash agreed, nodding vigorously. He didn't seem to care that he
was agreeing with a member of the same team he'd been so hell-bent on defeating
earlier. "I can't believe they'd lie like that to you, Meowth!
See, they really are bad guys!"
Meowth drooped farther over, eyes clouding over. Misty instinctively
reached out and stroked his back. As she worked, Meowth smiled weakly up at
her. "Thanks, Misty. And anyways... we talked, I said I would take over
managing dem again... they said they didn't want me to manage them. Dey's got a
new manager. And when I talked about da old days... dey said dey don't fight
like dat any more."
"So what happened?" Misty asked softly, smiling as Meowth purred
instinctively under her hand.
"You're sure a nice girl, Misty. Not at all like Jessie... she's real
mean." Sighing, Meowth continued, "Anyways, we talked... if dere gonna be like
dat, Meowth can't be with dem. It's just not how Meowth operates, you know?
So... so Team Rocket's split up."
A glare returning to his face, Ash thrust a hand out at Meowth. "That's
not fair at all! You're their pokemon, and they shouldn't abandon you!"
"I'm dere pokemon?" Meowth asked, but Ash bowled right over him.
"See, this proves they're wrong! Meowth, you've obviously changed; if you
can't get along with Team Rocket, that just shows you're a good guy now! How
would you like to stay with Misty and I? We'll treat you better than Team
Rocket ever did!"
"We will? Ash, are you feeling all right?" Misty asked, scratching her
head.
"Ya will?" Meowth asked, tearing up. "Ya mean it? Alright! Meowth's
gotta team again! Don't worry, kids, I'm gonna take you straight to the top as
only Meowth can!"
Misty glanced over to Ash. "You're sure about this? It seems like a
pretty crazy idea to me..."
"It's a great plan, Misty! Who knows Team Rocket better than Meowth? And
if they didn't want him managing them, it must because they knew he wouldn't
want them to cheat like they have been! And then they lied to him, and said
they had already stopped cheating... Meowth's obviously a good guy now!"
Having jumped his train of logic through several dozen hoops, Ash nodded
vigorously, now sure of their course. "Don't worry, Meowth, we'll do just what
you say!"
Meowth simply smiled.
* * *
Nabiki stared at the reports. It was all totally wrong. These numbers
weren't reflecting anything she'd predicted. She groaned and crumpled up the
paper. She would fire the person who'd prepared it and get someone to do it
RIGHT.
A second report was lifted. She cursed. How the hell had Jack done it?
Not once, but TWICE new commercials had been inserted into the show. And nobody
had thought to yank them when they didn't match the advertising manifest. More
people to fire.
That picture-in-picture stunt of his on the UltraTron would also have to
be looked into.
Nabiki leaned back thoughtfully, tapping a pen against her lip.
There was a knock at the door. Tarou opened it and exchanged a few words
with someone on the other side. Then the enforcer closed the door and
approached her desk. "This just came for you," he said, handing her an
envelope.
"Hmm?" She took the proferred item and slit it open, then took a few
moments to scan the contents of the letter. Her hand tightened and sent creases
through the paper. "What the hell is this?" she spat.
"Hmm?" Tarou arched an eyebrow. "Let me see." He took the sheet back
and read it. "A bill for damages by the city of Seattle?" He frowned.
"Where's that?"
"In America. This is for the damage done in that sudden change in venue
for that Omega battle. We destroyed a city building."
"That baseball field?"
Nabiki ignored him and sat back down, fuming. Jack had to be behind this,
as well, she was sure of it. But HOW!
The door burst open. "Nabiki! We need to talk." Hiroshi brushed past
Tarou and placed his hands on her desk.
"No, you don't, clone-boy." Tarou grabbed onto the announcer and started
to haul him out. "And you call her Miss Tendou."
Hiroshi struggled out of the larger man's grip. "No! I need to talk to
her, now!"
Nabiki wearily waved Tarou away. "It's okay. What is so important,
Hiroshi."
"This is what's important." He jabbed his thumb at Tarou. "I can't work
with him around."
She shrugged. "Tarou's your co-announcer. Get used to him."
"NO! He's abusive, he throws off my flow. I cannot work with him any
longer."
"Are you trying to say something, Hiroshi?" She frowned.
"Yes! Nabiki, I quit."
* * *
][ ULTRA Episode #45 RESULTS/RECAP
][ XELLOSS gets CLOUD to TORTURE AERITH
][ DAISUKE finds out that SHERMIE has been stealing info for NABIKI
][ BLANKA/PIKACHU defeat THE SAMURAI, now at 2W/4L
][ PIKACHU fries NABIKI and is BANNED from ULTRA
][ JACK hires LAIN IWAKURA for TECHNICAL SUPPORT
][ NUKU NUKU defeats CYBER AKUMA, now at 1W/1L
][ BLANKA and CHAM CHAM form NEW LAMBDA TEAM
][ DAISUKE is NICE to PIKACHU
][ MARLO SEMAJ defeats RANMA SAOTOME, now at 9W/3L
][ HIROSHI finds out that NABIKI has been telling THINGS to LILITH
][ TAROU CHEATS to help MORRIGAN
][ MORRIGAN defeats WOLVERINE, now at 5W/2L
][ MORRIGAN retains GAMMA BELT
][ MORRIGAN takes WOLVERINE as a PET
][ GALLY defeats SEPHIROTH, now at 5W/3L
][ The KINGDOME comes TUMBLING DOWN
][ NERV recovers the LONGINUS LANCE
][ TEAM ROCKET defeats TEAM POKEMON, now at 9W/5L
][ TEAM ROCKET retains LAMBDA BELTS
][ TEAM POKEMON turns HEEL
][ PIKACHU sees THIS
][ DAISUKE recruits TEAM ROCKET into CHAOS
][ DARK SCHNEIDER defeats NAGA THE WHITE SERPENT, now at 5W/2L
][ DARK SCHNEIDER is now OMEGA CHAMPION
][ The OMEGA BRAWL ends with NO CLEAR RESULT
][ IFURITA defeats DARK SCHNEIDER in a GRUDGE MATCH, now at 2W(!)/6L
][ IFURITA gets a PERSONALITY
][ NABIKI announces NEW PAY-PER-VIEW
][ JACK announces TEAM ROCKET with PIKACHU as NEW MEMBERS of CHAOS
][ TEAM POKEMON joins with MEOWTH
][ HIROSHI QUITS
][ ANGLE SUMMARIES
][ = Angle continues, may have new developments
[] = Angle is closed, might have been replaced
}{ = Entirely new angle
?? = Possible new angle? (Can be derived from events)
XX = Didn't touch on this from past episode very well or at all
[] Blanka and Pikacuh are Biggest Losers Of All Ultra
(Pikachu banned from Ultra, splitting up the team)
[] Darshu vs CyberGrrlz
(Loses to Ifurita. Given strong warning never to bother them again.)
[] Meowth is still apparently Lost In Space
(Returns and Joins with Team Pokemon)
[] Hiroshi and Tarou, the Odd Couple
(Hiroshi quits Ultra)
][ Mewtwo vs. Washuu / the Cybergrrlz
(Gally attempts match again, must fight Sephiroth instead)
][ Nabiki's profit-mongering reign over Ultra
(She's pushing Morrigan and Darshu at the expense of other fighters)
][ Ranma's many wild emotional issues
(Ranma kicks crap out of Marlo. Nabiki finds out what's going on)
][ Jack and Daisuke, Ultra managers
(Now have Team Rocket and Pikachu. More successful than previous weeks to show
Nabiki up)
][ Shermie stalks Daisuke
(Short confrontation between the two, Daisuke learns something)
][ Sephiroth, the man who would be God
(Punks Naga after loss to Gally, fights Dan again with no conclusion)
][ Morrigan vs. every red-blooded male in Ultra ^_^;
(Takes Wolverine as a pet. The end of her challenge?
][ B-ko and Sephiroth, Lovers
(Sephiroth seems to be somewhat caring for B-Ko)
][ Heaven vs. Hell
(Xelloss gets Cloud to torture Aerith. Shinji, Asuka, and Dan all tussle in
the Omega Brawl. Shinji shows that Asuka's instincts from training still exist.)
][ Hiroshi's woes of Love
(He's found out that Nabiki has been feeding Lilith lines about him. Who will
he choose?)
}{ Cham Cham is after Haohmaru's hand in marriage
(The jungle girl teams up with Blanka to get the Samurai)
}{ Wolverine as Morrigan's Pet
(Is this a heel turn for the Canuck Mutant?)
}{ Team Pokemon as Heels
(They've joined up with Meowth and are dead set on proving Team Roket to be a
cheaters)
}{ Team Rocket in CHAOS
(They've joined with the stable, and have Pikachu as a new mascot)
}{ CHAOS using Lain Iwakura to help take control of some things in Ultra
(Had her insert commercials, give Jack camera control, and possibly change an
Omega arena)
?? Ifurita's and Nuku Nuku's Sempai/Kohai relationship
(Ifurita has a personality, now how will things develop?)
XX Mr. Satan crusading against Morrigan
(Is training hard to defeat the succubus)
XX Shingo and the flames
(Shingo knows about the true nature of Kusanagi flames, can now throw fire on
his own)
XX Mewtwo v. Pokemon trainers and/or Voiduck
(He wants them all to be free, but who's his next target?)
XX Marlo vs. Akane rivalry for the Hardcore belt
(Ranma goes crazy, beats up Marlo)
XX Bison vs. SNK/Capcom
(Andy has recovered and is eager to fight Bison and his cronies again)
XX Yashiro is furious about his loss of his title and stature
(Tried to get fight with Team Rocket, fought Psycho Soldiers instead)
XX Yohko and Iori's relationship
(Despite his words to the contrary, Iori seems to care, at least a little)
XX Sie's rivalry with Yashiro and the Disciples of the Void
(Learned it was Yashiro who punked him, barely defeated him in their match)
XX Shampoo and Mousse, heels
(They had to win at all cost - even at the cost of the audience's dislike)
* * *
Author's note:
First, I'd like to say two lines that have been said by other Ultra authors:
"Damn, that was fun." - John Evans
"Please don't kill me. ^_^;" - Twoflower
Now, the obligatory thank yous:
First, to the people who helped me write this. Brian Stricklin, who planned out
and wrote all the stuff involving Blanka and Cham Cham. Chris Nichols, who wrote
the NERV scene, and gave me spot help on fixing a few passages here and there.
Kristen Smirnov, who wrote the Ash/Misty scenes, working off of my outline, when
time became tight. And Twoflower, who wrote the Marlo/Ranma fight.
Second, to the people who preread this: Kristen, Phoebe, Ravi, Mechalink, and
especially Chris Nichols. All the comments by these people helped me get things
right immensly.
Third, to Twoflower, for giving me an extra two days to write this. I apologize
to everyone for this being late.
Okay, now my own personal rambling. I had three goals for this Ultra episode.
The first was to make Gally an Omega heavy-hitter, as befits her role as leader
of the CyberGrrlz. I asked Falchamlink and Steve to put in scenes to help me in
this regard. Second, to give Ifurita a personality. Also working with
Falchamlink and Steve, this developed into the Iffy/Nuku Sempai/Kohai
relationship. All the other little things I did, Team Pokemon's heel turn,
Hiroshi quitting ultra, etc were added on at a later time.
Third, and the one I failed, was to write an Ultra episode by my lonesome.
I really don't mind, tho, because EXCEPT for the Blanka/Cham Cham stuff, I
planned out everything in this chapter.
Still, there are reasons why a) this thing is so large and b) I didn't write it
all (except for the Blanka/Cham Cham stuff.)
The biggest one is that the day my turn came up, 2F pointed out something that
needed to be done to a certain prominent plotline. I agreed with his assessment
and was forced to add a few scenes here and there, and to add one fight
entirely. He offered to write the Marlo/Ranma fight in return.
As I got down to working on this, tho, it became readily apparent that two
things were going to cause problems with me doing all the other scenes. 1) There
was a LOT of writing that needed to be done to cover all the plotlines and 2)
the way the episode had been plotted out made it very difficult to delete any
scenes from the outline.
So I asked Kristen to write a few scenes for me, and then asked Chris to write
one for me. All told, however, I wrote over 130k of text. They provided about
95k.
Yes, that did make this the biggest Ultra ever. I sincerely hope that this does
not become a trend, and I did my best to close off whatever plotlines that I
could. Since I also added a number of plotlines, I'm not sure if this is a good
trade-off.
Still, despite the size and everything, I found this relatively easy to write. I
had a harder time writing H! Flash, Heart Heart High, and Nightmare Fighter
Yumeko than this chapter. The biggest problem with Ultra, IMO, is the sheer mass
of writing that has to be done. When you're like me, and can't do much better
than 5k an hour, a part like this will eat up time.
And, the plus beyond plusses, Ultra is an absolute RUSH to write for... It's a
blast to plot out all those things. And it's good practice.
All in all, I'm very happy with this episode. I think it came out much better
than #34 did. I hope people enjoy reading it as much as I had writing it.
K. Jeffery "Damien Roc" Petersen
http://mizunoryuu.sandwich.net/
May 24, 2000