Going through back mail still(of course, I'm always doing that), and
decided to throw out some quick comments.
Now, don't you hate it when stories suddenly break the third wall,
change tone abruptly, and switch to a completely confusing and
unrelated first person point of view?
Not really, though I do dislike being explicitly told about a device.
Putting this note here is as bad as those fics that label FLASHBACK and
/FLASHBACK between applicable scenes.
The first words out of Setsuna's mouth were as dirty as her
outfit, literally and very much so figuratively, and much to the
Literally dirty?! What you've just said here that her words are covered
in sediment suitable for growing plants, probably not what you meant. I'd
just take out the 'literally and...figuratively' phrase.
-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble. A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode. Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.
One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed. "Tell me,"
I insisted. He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance. Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...