Grayson Towler <grayson@rigroup.net> wrote:
I went back and re-read the Ukyou portions of "Hearts and Minds,"
because it bothered me that I couldn't offer anything constructive
to say. I still don't know if I've come up with anything, but I think
You really shouldn't let that bother you. ^_^ Lack of God knows I try,
but sometimes there just isn't anything constructive to say about a fic
(or a given portion of one).
the biggest problem is that Ukyou is just not likeable as you've
written her in this story. You can respect her for her work ethic,
but she really comes across as a bitch sometimes, especially in
the part where she's lying flat-out to Nodoka about her sex life
with Mikado.
So as a reader, you wonder where it's going. Is she going to end
up married to Mikado? That seems pretty awful. Is she going to
get out of it? That isn't very satisfying either - she's been so
ill-tempered and stupid about this whole thing that it seems
inappropriate that she'd get away clean. What would be a satisfying
resolution? Very hard to say.
The only way I could really discuss this would be to tell you what I've
got in mind for this subplot's resolution. For obvious reasons I'm not
going to blab this kind of spolier onto the list, but I'm willing to
tell you in private if you want.
I am theorizing here that Ukyou may just be your problem character,
as a writer. It happens to some people. Nick Leifker always
struggles with Ryouga. Susan Doenime has a tough time with
Kasumi. Me? Nodoka's the one who gives me fits, which is why
I've dumped every scene I've ever tried to write with her in it.
Perhaps you've spent so much effort combatting the St. Ukyou
cliche that it now has become very difficult for you to write
Ukyou in a likeable way, flaws and all.
Well, I dunno. I always had the idea that my problem character is
Nabiki. To be honest, I don't really like her, so I tend to
overcompensate by writing her as a much better person than I really
think she is.
I don't know how you could help the Ukyou in "Hearts and Minds"
without some fairly significant rewriting. It's very hard to have any
sympathy for a character who gets herself into so much trouble
for such petty and mean-spirited reasons. If the whole fiasco came
about more from matters of bad luck and circumstance (rather than
her own deliberate actions), it would be easier to pull for her... and
probably easier to laugh at the absurdity of it.
Well, yeah, but that to me would be going too far in the opposite
direction. I don't dislike the character, contrary to what some think,
but she is responsible for a good deal of her own troubles in the manga,
and I don't want to eliminate that here. She's gone through some growth
in this series already, and she'll have to go through some more before
this whole thing resolves itself.
So I don't know if that helps at all.
Hey, it's always good to get a reader's perspective, especially one with
this much thought behind it.
Wouldn't this be a fine time for a Shakespearean death speech?
Or at least a badly-wounded speech.
Nah, nobody paying attention anyway.
KUNO: (Through Megaphone) "Lo! What hurt hath I taken? HEY! I SAID
'LO!' Is ANYBODY paying attention here?"
SHAMPS: Oh, brave Tatewaki! I promise that you shall not have died in
vain!
KUNO: I'm not dead!
KASUMI: Shall I set one less place for dinner tonight?
Stop peeking at my outline for the next chapter, okay? :)
Just returning the favor a little bit, which you'll see when I finally
get this latest chapter done (heh heh).
Hurry up with it, then. :-)
Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html