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platypus3333
platypus3333@yahoo.com
http://members.tripod.com/Platypus 3333
above site is not netscape impossible. will be shortly.
sorry if this word wrapping on this fic is bad. i'm experimenting.
Borrowed this concept from a Peter David book, Q-Squared...
This happens before the ending of "The Other OTHER Aftermath,"
which I wrote a while ago...
THIS DOES NOT FEATURE MY AVATAR! NOR ANY OTHER! THANK YOU!
This version of "Tracks 2" has the latter two universes, D and E,
removed because frankly the story was getting a little too complicated.
Edited version of "Tracks 3" is stuck onto the end of this, effectively
turning the combined into "Tracks 2." Logically, Tracks 3 comes after this.
However, I'll ignore this for the sake of stupidity (and a side project
to be stuck into that space later). The next installment will be
Tracks 4.
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What's happened before: There are three universes in "Tracks 1":
Track A, Track B, and Track C. These are, respectively, set in the end of
the End of Evangelion movie, the parallel world of Episode 26, and the
end of Episode 24. The author, the platypus, which is obviously me, writes
all three tracks when he spills his soda of choice, Pepsi, onto his
keyboard while reaching for a nacho. The author's house is called the
Station. This scrambles all the tracks, as characters from each are
switched. Here are the mix-ups, as follows:
Characters will be named by their track:
Shinji A and Asuka A went to Track C, where they saw Asuka C.
Shinji B went to Station, where he found Platypus Station. Asuka B stayed
in Track B, where she found Shinji C. Rei B went to Track A, where she found
Rei C.
Shinji C went to Track B, where he found Asuka B. Asuka C stayed in Track C,
where she woke to see Shinji A and Asuka A. Rei C went to Track A, where
she found Rei B.
Platypus Station stayed at Station, where he met Shinji B.
All other characters stay in their worlds.
In between switches, there is a location called Track Switch, which is a
strange, confusing world of the mind.
This summary may be complicated for people who have a one-track (bad pun)
mind. Actually, this story may be complicated, too.
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Switches: Part 2
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Station
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"So you see, Shinji, you're a cartoon character." The platypus
waved his hands frantically. "Get it?"
"No."
"Um... Forget it, then. Help me with this?" The platypus hefted
a keyboard.
"Ok." Shinji took the screwdriver and put in the screws. "..."
"Ok, now to plug it in..." The platypus did so, and then switched
on the computer. They waited patiently while the machine booted up, then
opened Notepad.
"Hmm..."
"Yeah. Damn. Let me try typing my name..."
[GROPMGIB ZZZZ]
"..."
"..."
"..."
"I don't think you should've used a hairdryer for that."
"Me, neither, now. Oops."
"..."
"I guess the story can go on without me..."
"What story?"
"Never mind. Let's play some more Goldeneye."
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Track B
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Shinji and Asuka sat on his bed. "..."
"Stop staring at me!"
"Sorry..."
"Jeez...hehe..."
"What?"
"You say that a lot, don't you?"
"Yes."
"Heh. That's why. You apologize all the time..."
"Oh. Sor--never mind." He watched as she started giggling. "..."
"Hehehehehehe..."
"..."
The laughter soon died down, and she sat up. "So, um, why were you
wearing that thing again?" She indicated the crumpled plug suit with her
chin.
"I told you, this is a plug suit, for--"
"Right. Right. Jeez."
------------------------------------------------------------
Yui set the last dish on the table. "Dinner!" She sat down next to
Gendou as the two came out.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track A
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Rei sat next to Rei. "--So you see, I came from Tokyo-2 after my dad
found a new job here. What about you?"
"..."
"Where did you come from?"
"...I am a clone of Ikari Yui and Adam, the first angel."
"...Um...that's interesting."
"..."
"Um, Ikari as in Shinji?"
"Yes."
"...Oh. Well, um..." Rei squirmed. "You must lead a very interesting
life..."
"..."
"..."
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Track C
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Shinji was backing away nervously. "Erg. Um. Asuka...s...let's not
do anything we'll regret..."
Both of them had a predatory grin on their faces. The Asuka that
had just been in a coma pouted. "Aw, Shinji, you're no fun. I mean, you
didn't have any second thoughts when I was in a coma..."
"Tha...that was a whim! I'm much more in control of my hormones now!
Really!" He started sweat-dropping.
The other Asuka crept closer. "Oh, I don't think so, from the way you
kiss me..."
"..."
"What do you think, Asuka?"
She nodded. "Oh, definitely. I kissed him once, you know..."
"Oh, yeah, I remember that..."
"He wasn't a very good kisser, then."
"Hey! That was because you held my nose!"
"Shut up for a minute. Anyway, he's right. If you don't hold his nose,
he's much better."
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah."
"I gotta try it, then."
Asuka nodded. "Oh, I'm willing to let you. You ARE me, after all..."
"Yep."
"Yep."
"Ok, Shinji---where'd he go?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Out the door, Shinji was running from what was probably the dream of
half the population of the world. (The 'population of the world' meaning
the population of people who have watched Evangelion.) He was extremely afraid
of one Asuka, and certainly couldn't handle two.
------------------------------------------------------------
Station
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Shinji looked over. "Aren't you going to get a new keyboard?"
The platypus shook his head. "Nah. Maybe later..."
"Ok. Ha! Got you again!"
"#*($@*^#@*..."
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Track B
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"So, Shinji, how was your day?" Yui speared some fish with her
chopsticks.
Shinji sweat-dropped. "Um. Fine...mom..."
"Are you okay?" She peered at him worriedly. "You seem a little pale."
"N--I mean, yeah, I'm okay. Just...um..."
Asuka broke in. "...He got hit on the head with an apple in the...park.
He's still a little dizzy."
"Oh..." Yui looked at him. "Are you sure you're all right?"
"Um. Yes." He put down his chopsticks and smiled. "Well, um, I'm done.
Great dinner. Thanks...Mom."
"You're welcome."
"Um. May I be excused?"
"Yes." She watched with a confused expression on her face as Shinji
stood up and bolted toward his room. Then she took a sip of water. "Are you
sure that that's all, Asuka? He seems a bit... disoriented..."
Asuka nodded. "Yeah, confused is a good term for it."
"After you're finished, could you go and talk to him? You're one of
his best friends." Yui looked hopeful.
"Oh, sure, Mrs. I. I'm almost done." Asuka took her chopsticks and
horizontally scooped the contents of a plate onto her own. "Just gimme a
few minutes." She started transferring it to her mouth.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track A
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Rei sat across from Rei. In between them was a board etched in sand.
"No, see, you can only jump like this or like this. You can't jump backwards."
"..."
"Ok. Remember: the white pieces are yours, and the black ones are mine.
The point is to take out all of mine."
"..."
"Ok, now I'm moving here. Get it? Now, you have two choices to take.
I know you're new at this, but..."
"..."
"Um. Wow. I've never seen anyone take so many pieces at once before."
"..."
"Are you sure that you've never played this before?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Well, you're very good."
"..."
"Um. Do you know how to play chess?"
"No."
"Oh. Ok. Now, let's call this a bishop..."
------------------------------------------------------------
Track B
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Shinji lay, staring at the ceiling. "..." 'Oh my God, I can't take
this. My mother, my MOTHER, right there...alive...cooking food...teriyaki...
that was good teriyaki...no, Shinji, focus. My father was right there.
My FATHER. He was being nice. He was smiling. He wasn't manipulating anyone.
My father. With my mother. Together. Happy. Oh, dear God.' He looked up as
the door opened. "..."
"Shinji?" Asuka walked in. "Shinji, are you okay?" She had a concerned
look on her face. "You looked ah... disturbed."
He sighed. "I don't know. I mean...where I came from..."
She sat down on the bed next to him. "Um. Well, where exactly DID you
come from?" He looked up at her. She was obviously humoring him, judging from
the nervous smile on her face.
'Ah, what the hell.' "Um. Well, it's a really disturbing place...it
really sucked. This is much, MUCH better..."
"Tell me about it."
"What?"
"I said, tell me about this place."
"...Okay." Shinji began talking about Angels, about Evas, and about
fighting.
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Track C
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Shinji was stuck in a corner. "Erg."
"Now, Shinji, according to Asuka over here, the third impact is
gonna happen in several weeks. That doesn't give us a lot of time." She
smiled again. "And I'm reeaallly bored..."
Shinji gulped and sweat-dropped.
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Track B
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"...So you see, you were in a coma and I was all alone..." Shinji
shook his head. "It was a mess."
Asuka frowned. "Sounds like a pretty crappy place to live..." 'What's
he been smoking?'
He rubbed his head. "Yeah...yeah..." Shinji sighed. "It was a
REALLY bad place." He rubbed his eyes unconsciously. "This place...is so
much BETTER..." He put his hands in his lap and leaned forward. "I wish
that that was just a dream..."
"..." Asuka slowly put her hand on his shoulder. "Well, you ARE
in a better...place...now..." 'Hopefully, so is your brain.'
"..." Shinji looked down at his hands. "I guess...it takes some
getting used to, though..."
"Oh. I guess it does..." 'I need to get out of here before he
starts staring at the ceiling again.'
"..."
"..."
"Well, I'm tired..." Asuka got up slowly and backed toward the
door, watching him cautiously, then turned to open it.
Shinji watched her. "You're...going?"
She tilted her head and glanced at him. "What would you rather I
do? Nothing perverted, I hope..."
"Um." Shinji blushed. "No, nothing like that..."
"You looked like you were thinking it."
"Sorry."
"Stop apologizing."
"Sorry. Oops."
"..." She watched him fumble around with his hands for several
seconds, then sighed. 'He's harmless. Kind of cute, actually. The moron.'
"Well, as long as you don't try anything, you'll be blessed with my
presence for a while longer..." She walked back over and sat back down,
leaning against the wall.
Shinji massaged his wrist awkwardly. "Um. Ok." He managed a
smile.
She glared at him. "Remember, don't try anything..."
"Ok."
"I mean, I know it's hard to resist temptation..."
"Ok."
"Good."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...Um, thanks for staying."
"No problem."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...So what do you guys do here?"
"..."
"Asuka?"
"Glck..." Shinji watched her sleep quietly and smiled.
"No tears..." He lay back and stared at the ceiling.
------------------------------------------------------------
Station
------------------------------------------------------------
The platypus looked at the clock. "Damn. It's getting late."
Shinji frowned. "Is there anyway I can get back home, or are the
buses closed?"
"There are no buses. This is the suburbs." The platypus frowned.
"Um. Ok." He scratched his head. "Ok, you use that bed over there, I'll
use the couch."
"No, the other way around."
"No, it's ok. I always use this couch anyway."
"Oh. You sure?"
"Yeah, absolutely."
"..."
"..."
"Why are you doing all this?"
"What?"
"I mean, I just woke up on your couch, and you're doing all these
things for me..."
"Oh, um. Let's just say that it may be my fault that you're here."
"How?"
"It has something to do with the keyboard."
"Oh..." Shinji didn't understand, but decided not to mention it.
"But don't worry. Not much else can go wrong now, all we have to
worry about is getting you back."
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Track A
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Rei jumped when she saw a bright light next to her. "Wha...?"
"..." The other Rei watched as another Rei calmly stepped out,
dressed in a nightshirt.
"..."
"..."
"Um, heh. You're another one...Of us...yeah. Heh. ...Where the
hell did you come from??!"
"...I am a clone of Ikari Yui and Ad-"
"Ah, fuck it." Rei sat back down and sulked to herself.
"...Where am I?"
"..." The plug-suited Rei stared at the newcomer.
"You're on a beach, I guess. We haven't been able to find much
else." Rei paused in her sulking and shrugged nervously. "Um. Would you
like a pear?"
"Yes." Rei took it and looked at the Rei in the plug suit. "..."
She looked back. "..."
"..."
Rei smoothed down the wrinkles in her skirt and cleared her
throat. "Um. Well, sit down." She watched as the other did so. "What do
you want to do?"
"..."
'Oh, joy. Another great conversationalist. Happy day.' Rei
frowned.
"..." Rei stared at Rei.
"..." Rei stared at Rei.
"...OW!" Rei kicked a rock, then clutched her toe.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track B
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Asuka woke up and blinked. 'Where am I...' She turned over.
"Shinji??!"
"..."
She began shaking him by the shoulders. "Shinji, wake up!
Wake up!"
"Wha...Asuka...five more minutes..."
"No, no more minutes! Wake up!"
His eyes snapped open. "What?" Then he focussed on Asuka.
"You're really there?"
She couldn't help grinning. "Of course I am, idiot."
"Oh...So why did you wake me up?"
"We've got school."
"School?"
"Ah... yeah. It's a... place where we learn? Sleep?" She make
her voice as pacifying as possible. He HAD kissed HER, of all people.
That alone qualified him as insane.
"Um?"
"What?"
"Is Touji there?"
"Yeah, he's always there." She thought for a moment. "Well, 85%
of the time anyway." She thought some more. "Actually, 34% of the time."
"...Ok, I need to go to the school."
She smacked him on the back of his head. "That's what I said,
idiot! Weren't you listening?"
"Ow!"
"Jeez!" She spun as Yui poked her head in.
"Asuka, you're still here?"
Asuka blushed. "Um, yeah, but we didn't do anything. Really."
She blushed under Yui's constant gaze. "Honest! We didn't!"
Shinji's mother smiled a reassuring smile. She was part of a small
population of people that believed others incapable of falsehood. "Don't
worry, I believe you. Shinji, do you feel better today?"
Shinji rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah. Yeah, I do." He smiled
happily. "Better than I have in a while..."
------------------------------------------------------------
Track A
------------------------------------------------------------
Rei sighed as she watched the two others play chess. "Come on,
don't you move faster?"
"..." Both replied.
"I mean, you each like take half an hour before you move!"
"..."
"Argh!" Rei was going insane.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track C
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Shinji was being glomped by two Asukas. He was moderately happy,
but afraid that at any moment the end would come. 'Argh. Argh. Argh.'
"Baka Shinji...we're really bored...really, REALLY bored..." It
didn't really matter which one said that, he couldn't tell the difference
anyway.
'Arg. Arg. Arg.'
One Asuka started lazily tracing circles on his scarlet cheeks.
"Aw, Shinji is blushing, isn't that CUTE?"
The other nodded. "Very."
'Arg. Arg. Arg.' Upon reflection, he came up with something more
profound. 'This is one of the times I think I SHOULD run away...yeah...
yeah...'
"Shunji!" He tilted his head as much as he could.
"Mis...ato?"
"Oh, Shunji, yer soooo fune...hurhurhur.* hic * gonna make swit luv to
both Asukas. * hic *" She swayed over and tripped over a chair. "Ow!
Whad the fug.ow.anyway, I rilly tink you should.* hic *."
Shinji, despite himself, was interested. "Really?" He ignored the
outraged squawking from both Asukas. They were still clutching at
his clothes, something only he noticed. And perhaps Misato, but she
was more likely staring at the purple bunny that had mysteriously
manifested above their heads.
Misato nodded, but missed and shook her head instead. "O corse. I'm
always right.* hic *" Then she took a beer can and crushed it against
her forehead. She passed out, leaving three Children, even more confused
than before.
Shinji sweat-dropped. 'Never take advice from someone who crushes beer
cans with her head.' "Um...Asuka...s?"
"Yes, Shinji?" They chorused, staring up at him. He twitched.
"Um." 'How do I put this...while still preserving my manhood in its
present state...' He smiled nervously. "Well...um...please let go.
Please?"
They blinked, then looked at each other. Then they started laughing
manically. This disturbed Shinji very much.
------------------------------------------------------------
Station
------------------------------------------------------------
The platypus opened his eyes when he heard something. "What..."
He sat up and placed his feet firmly on the floor, then went toward the
direction of the noise. "..." He stared at his computer as it threw out
sparks. "What the hell?"
* Bzzt *
A spark flew onto a stack of fan fiction printouts. Unfortunately,
it was the stack he kept closest to his computer to calm him down after
reading total crap.
"AW SHIT! NOT HERZ! NO WAY!" His eyes wide, he grabbed the fire
extinguisher.
* FOOSH *
Waving the smoke and coughing, he blinked as he noticed more sparks
coming out. "OH SHIT! SHINJI!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Shinji sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes. "Wha?"
The door slammed open to reveal a wild fan-fiction author. "SHINJI!
RUN! IT'S GONNA BLOW!" Then he jumped out the window.
Shinji blinked. "Uh...ok." He crawled out.
------------------------------------------------------------
The platypus pulled some garbage out of his hair, then looked up.
"SHINJI! NO! WAIT UNTIL I'M OUT OF THE WAY--"
* Crunch *
"Medic...Medic..."
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Track B
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"BAKA!" Asuka bolted down the street, next to Shinji. "YOU ALWAYS
MAKE ME LATE!"
"Hey... * gasp * no I don't!"
"YEAH YOU DO!!"
"Right. Right. Gasp." 'I need to exercise more.' Shinji struggled
to keep up.
They neared the corner. Asuka skidded to a halt. "WATCH OUT
SHINJI!" She grabbed his arm and slammed him into the wall face first,
waiting for the blue haired girl to come. 'Stupid girl trying to take my
Shinji... mentally flawed as he is...'
Rei did not come.
"What the?" Asuka blinked and waited some more.
Rei did not come.
Shinji frowned. "What was that for? Now we're really late, right?"
'I hope these bricks don't leave permanent marks on my face.'
"Um. Nothing. Never you mind. Come on!" She started running again,
dragging him along. He sighed, then smiled happily.
'Ah...bliss...'
"BAKA! I'M NOT DRAGGING YOU ALL THIS WAY!" She dropped him to the
floor and started jogging.
Shinji got up and ran after her.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track A
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Rei vs. Rei: Post Third Impact Chess Championship
Hours Spent: 9
Move Number: 6, for Rei
Judge: Rei
Rei screamed in frustration as her two counterparts sat, staring
at the board. "ARRRGH!"
They ignored this.
"..." The Rei in a plug suit made a move.
* Click *
"..." The other Rei contemplated this new information.
Rei started whacking her head on a rock. 'ONLY 7 MOVES! GOD!'
They ignored this.
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Track C
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In the depths of a broom closet, Shinji cursed himself for being a
wimp. Or not. 'They won't find me here...will they?' He had managed to
escape the two with an incredible burst of strength born of desperation.
They were looking for him, he knew it. He was a hunted man. 'Stupid...
stupid...' He smacked his head. 'Stupid...stupid...idiot!' He knew that,
had Touji been there, he would have been provided with an interesting
string of suggestions. Alas, it was not so. 'Stupid...stupid...ow.' He
rubbed his eye.
------------------------------------------------------------
Asuka growled. "Where IS that baka!"
Asuka frowned. "I was thinking the same."
"Of course."
"Of course."
"Hmmph."
"How dare he try to escape!"
"Yeah!"
"Just when we were about to--!"
"Yeah! That dummkopf!"
Asuka pondered that a little. "Cute, though."
"Definitely."
"Baka Shinji! Come on!"
"We'll be gentle!"
"Yeah! Like she said!"
------------------------------------------------------------
Shinji shivered and dug himself deeper. A cockroach started
crawling up his leg.
------------------------------------------------------------
Gendou grinned evilly. At last, he had everything he needed to succeed.
His collection of tools was complete now that he possessed Adam. He fought
down the urge to laugh like a maniac. There would be plenty of time for
that later. Yes... plenty of time. He leaned back, sighing contentedly.
Then Misato came in. He shot back up to his normal, constipated dramatic
position. He looked disapprovingly as she walked up to his desk slowly,
swaying from side to side. 'What the hell is wrong with her? Is that...
is that a beer can tattoo on her forehead?'
"Captain Katsuragi, never barge in here without permission." He
cocked an eyebrow. "Now what is it you want?"
The strange (and funny) thing about drunks is that, when not
driving large vehicles or comatose, they always manage to find their way
to a place and/or situation where their presence will royally screw things
up, often with humorous results.
"Gendou...er...what is that?" Misato peered at Adam, left on the
desk. Gendou looked and saw the salvation of mankind, all in a fragile
piece of decorative art. He tried to find words to convey the grandeur
of what she had asked him. He saw in that shell-like object salvation
and the next great step in humanity's evolution. Misato, in her drunken
state, looked at it and saw a snack.
"I'm sorry, but you have absolutely no idea how much I need this
right now." She picked it up, sniffed it, and ate it. Gendou sweat-dropped.
Soon, however, he calculated possible solutions to this situation. 'I can
always use surgery to get it out... it should still be as effective...
the human digestive system won't have any noticeable effect...'
Misato bit down. Adam broke into tiny fragments as she clamped
down with her back molars. Gendou stared, then tried to regain his composure.
He cleared his throat.
"Captain?"
'Mmmm... crunchy...' Misato looked up. "Yes?"
` "Why did you come here?" Gendou was slowly losing control. His
fingers dug gouges in the solid oak wood of his desk. His cold, dead stare
was (almost) enough to sober her up and clue her in to the fact that
something was wrong.
"Er...I forgot." She ran out. Once she had left, Gendou slowly
walked over to the door. He locked it. He slowly walked back to his desk
and sat down. He contemplated this situation for all of 19 seconds before
he broke down. Head in his hands, he wept silently, muttering that humankind
was doomed because of a drunk bimbo.
Misato walked quickly along the halls of the NERV command center,
avoiding the gaze of everyone she saw. 'Damn, that tasted good. I wonder where
I can get more. Never seen those in the vending machines.' Approaching the
door, she went up to a security guard and forced her mouth, which felt glued
shut, to say "Glk plkas dag no forden." The woman then collapsed onto the
ground, twitching. The guard sweat-dropped.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track B
------------------------------------------------------------
Shinji and Asuka skidded to a halt in the parking lot. They
brushed themselves off, then went up.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track A
------------------------------------------------------------
Rei's eyes were starting to glaze over. "God..." The game had been
going on for 23 hours already. She had slept, washed up, eaten, and they
were still playing the game.
* Click *
Rei paused.
Rei stared, then moved her pawn.
* Click *
Rei started playing with a rock she had found. Out of boredom,
she had named it Herman.
Both Reis noted their counterpart's unusual tendency toward
abnormal behavior. However, being extremely apathetic, they ignored
all outside stimulus and continued on with their game.
The "abnormal" Rei stopped playing with Herman and sighed,
staring at the playing pair. 'All this time...for 20 moves each.
Holy...' She blinked when something caught her eye. Turning, she
could see that it was another bright flash of light. "Aw, nuts,
not again!" The girl frowned when somebody stepped out. It was...
another Rei. Rei blinked, then immediately decided on a course of
action. "Ah, hello! Hi!" She smiled what she believed to be a reassuring
smile when the new girl glanced at her. "Hi...Hi... before you introduce
yourself, are you familiar with the term 'emotion?'" She waved her hand
above her head in small, circle-like motions, hoping to get a reaction of
some sort.
The two Reis playing chess acknowledged the newcomer with nods of
their heads, then went back to their game. The newcomer frowned slightly,
then walked over to them and sat down on a rock. She ignored the other girl,
who promptly dropped her hand and stared at the trio.
"AAAAH! AAAAH!" Her arms flailing around helplessly, Rei bolted and
dove into the LCL in a futile attempt at suicide. Not surprisingly, they
ignored this.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track B
------------------------------------------------------------
Shinji and Asuka slumped into their respective desks, out of
breath.
"Shinji!"
"What...what..." He mumbled. 'They're all here...they left a
couple weeks ago...and now they're here...' He turned to see Kensuke.
The boy was in a body cast. "What?"
"Man, so how was it?"
"How was what?"
"You know..." Kensuke did the wink of a person too afraid to actually
say something out loud. Then he noticed Shinji's disconcerting stare
at his forehead. "Man, stop staring at me like that! You know what you
did!"
"Me? "
The boy leaned in as far as someone in a body cast go (which,
really, wasn't that far.) In a conspiratorial tone, he whispered, "I
have reliable sources that tell me Asuka stayed the night." He wagged
his eyebrows with the look of one who can only watch. "So how was it?
Eh?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
"Sure you don't... sure you don't..." He leaned back and
grinned.
"Bwa hahahahahahaha AAAGH!"
Shinji watched as the boy groped helplessly at thin air with
the only functional appendages he had (e.g.: his thumbs and an index
finger). Unfortunately, fingers don't stop you from falling out of
windows.
------------------------------------------------------------
Socially conscious message from the author: there is an important
lesson to be learned here. Namely, if you're (for all intents and purposes)
a cripple and find yourself in a full body cast, it generally isn't a good
idea to take a window seat. An even worse idea would be to lean back. I
hope that everybody that reads this can learn from Kensuke's mistake and
lead a brighter (and longer) life.
------------------------------------------------------------
Shinji peaked out the window as he saw his friend (wearing an
expression usually seen only on Wile E. Coyote) fall slowly backward
to the parking lot several stories below. He waved.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track C
------------------------------------------------------------
They had found him hiding in the broom closet. That was several
hours ago.
"Ow..."
"Hmm."
"You know something, Asuka?"
"What's that, Asuka?"
"There's something wrong here."
"How can there be something wrong? Everything is perfect."
"That's what's wrong."
"OOOhhh."
"Yep."
"Owww."
*Whap*
"Shut up."
"..."
"Anyway, why is it wrong that everything is perfect?"
"Because we're never happy."
"True... true. Shinji, you idiot, why didn't you think of that?"
"But--"
"Ok, that's enough out of you."
"Right. Just sit there while we figure this out. We're college
graduates, after all."
"Good point. I was just thinking that."
"I knew you were."
"Yep."
"Why do you think you're here?"
Shinji decided to contribute to the conversation. "Because--"
"Shh!"
"Sorry."
"Go on, Asuka."
"Thank you, Asuka."
"B--"
"Shut up, Shinji." He shrunk back.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"I... think we're here because of an angel."
"Really?"
"Definitely. It's always an angel."
"Good point."
"Either that or Ayanami..."
"The doll... the doll..."
"Stop that."
"Sorry."
"Anyway, let's establish the facts."
"One: you two popped in here."
"Right. Two: we're not supposed to have popped in here."
"Brilliant."
"M... might I interject at this point--"
"No." Both Asukas made threatening hand gestures at him.
"Oh."
"Before I was so RUDELY interrupted... three. Something brought
us here."
"Yes... go on."
"Four: we think it's an angel."
"That's it?"
Shinji tried again. "Th--"
"What did I tell you!"
"Sorry!"
"Good!"
"..."
"Anyway, we have to figure out how to get out."
"Out of where?"
"Here."
"Brilliant. How do we do that?"
"We--"
"SHUT UP, BAKA!"
"Sorry."
"--We're thinking."
"Yeah, we are."
"Thinking of stuff you can't even begin to comprehend."
"Yep. Too complex for your frail mind."
"..."
"So-- why do we want to get out of here?"
"Because this is a dump."
"Nice argument."
"Thanks."
"Shinji, stop squirming. Maybe later."
"No, that's not what I--"
"Don't be modest, Shinji. You can't get enough of our greatness, can you?"
"It's like a drug, Shinji, isn't it?"
"But--"
"You're not going to give up, are you?"
"Very well, you may talk."
"The thing we have to do to get out of here is to merge with Eva."
"Merge with Eva?"
"That's sick!"
"No! That's not what I meant!"
"Yeah, sure... pervert."
"I hope you didn't mean 02..."
"No, but every time something weird happens, it has to do with Eva.
So it makes sense that--"
The two Asukas exchanged glances while Shinji began cowering again.
"He's got a point..."
"For once, he may have something."
"Decent work. I guess one of every million, huh?"
"No doubt."
"So we have to merge with Eva."
"Which one?"
"Eva-00 is nuts..."
"Ours is nuts..."
"Touji's is nuts..."
Shinji began to get up. "How about mine?"
"With what you do in the LCL? Don't be ridiculous."
"But--"
"We can't merge with Eva. But I've got the next best thing."
"What's that?"
------------------------------------------------------------
Gendou looked up as his door flew open. "Yes?"
"All right, Gendou, hand over the goods!"
"Give us Adam!"
"Wha..." Gendou frowned. "Shinji! What kind of foolishness is this!"
"..." Shinji shrugged helplessly.
"There it is!"
"Where?"
"Behind the bookcase!"
"Oh... ok!"
*Crash*
Gendou jumped up. "--NO!"
"What the hell?"
"Who's this woman?"
"Erotic statues... whoa. Boy, that's disgusting."
"Wow, Shinji's perverse nature is inherited. What a surprise."
Shinji struggled for a look. "That's my mom."
"That's your mom?"
"Gendou, what kind of twisted deviancy are you suffering from?"
Gendou's eyes opened wide. 'My greatest secret... no...' "Well.
Ah. For research purposes--"
"Sure, sure. Step aside." Asuka shoved him to the left and casually
strolled in. The other Asuka pushed Shinji in first. "Hmmm. Where do
you think it is?"
"Hmm. Over there?"
Gendou whimpered as his original oil painting of Yui fell to the
floor with a crash. "..."
"No, not here-- Shinji, what the hell are you looking at?"
"Hey, he's-- sick! That's your mom!"
"Ewwww! Pervert!"
"You seriously need to get some, Shinji."
"But I thought I--" He backed away as the glared daggers at him.
"We will speak no more of that matter, understand?"
"15 minutes ago--" Shinji started sweating when he discovered that
he was backed up against a wall.
"It never happened, right??!"
"But--" He held up his hands helplessly.
"WHAT! WHAT DID YOU SAY!"
"I think it's my turn to hit him!"
*Whap*
"Ow..."
"Serves you right. Never knew you were into incest..."
Shinji rubbed his head. "But... she looks like Ayanami..."
"WHAT!" They both chorused angrily.
------------------------------------------------------------
Track A
------------------------------------------------------------
"...And then you run back to where you started?"
"Yes."
"After you hit the... ball... with this... bat."
"Yes. That's exactly it!" Rei clapped her hands in delight.
'Maybe they're getting it...'
"...Whatever for?"
"Um. Good question, very good. It's... so..."
"It seems to serve no purpose." 3 pairs of red eyes stared
piercingly into hers.
"Oh, it does! It does. I just... forgot."
"..."
"Let's start over." She frowned and took the "bat formerly
known as stick." "One of us pitches the ball."
"..."
"To another one."
"..."
"And then that one hits the ball with the bat as far as
possible."
"And then that one runs?"
"Yes."
"Back to where she came from?"
"Well... yes."
They stared at her. She felt herself reddening. "..."
"..."
"..."
"...Look, I didn't invent the damned game, okay! I just wanted
something to do on this godforsaken lump of rock!"
"..." They looked at each other, then slowly set themselves up
on the "bases formerly known as rocks."
Rei grinned. 'Finally, they've got it!' She walked over to the
pitcher's mound. "Ok, who's up first."
"Rei."
She frowned. "Which one?"
One of them spoke up. "You are Rei. She is the second. She is the
third. I think... I am the fourth."
"...Right. Right. Fine. So I go first." She hefted the bat and
walked over to the home plate, setting herself up. "Ok. Ready. Throw."
Rei silently unleashed her throw. "..."
*Plop*
4 pairs of red eyes stared at the ball as it lay in the ground.
"..."
Rei lost her smile. "What was that?"
"A throw."
"..."
"Did I fail my function?"
"Um. No, no. You just need some practice. That's all. Here." She
picked up the rock and handed it to the other girl. "Go somewhere and
practice throwing." She waved her hand in a random direction. "Um. Like
hit that tree."
"..."
"Yeah. Yeah. Pull your arm back..."
------------------------------------------------------------
Unknown to many, the third impact also produced numerous species
never before seen on earth. Still in the first stages of life, the flying
platypus was chief among them. More majestic than its earth-bound
ancestral brethren, this form of platypus was a beautiful creature, often
frolicking amongst the morning dew for its own amusement.
There was only one in existence-- so far.
------------------------------------------------------------
*Whack*
Rei winced. "Oooo... that's gotta hurt." She watched as the
gracefully soaring creature fell, unconscious, into the ocean.
"..." Reis watched impassively.
END PART 2