Apologies if this does come through twice, but my mail server has it down as
undeliverable.
The FFML Synopses List Review (with cheese)
====================== ******
For the week of: May 5, 2000
Reviewer on Duty: Glazius Falconar
Synopses Submitted: 21 (1 rejected)
Synopses Reviewed: What the heck. All of 'em.
* * * * *
[Ah! Megami-sama!]
- - - - -
Title: Gratuitous Theater
Episode: After All - TimeRunner Reprise
Series: Ah! Megami-sama
Genre: WAFF
Author: TimeRunner
Email: keiichi@i-manila.com.ph
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
Date Sent to FFML: May 02, 2000
Series Summary:
The Gratuitous Theater Project is the collective term for an anthology
of reprised fanfics written by different authors. It's an writing
experiment, designed to highlight the differences in writing style
between the writers involved. Different fanfics from different
authors will be rewritten in the style of the assigned author.
Episode Summary:
This Reprise predates the GT Project by years, but is still in the
realm of the project, so it (and the original written by Switch) is
being reposted under the project header.
Decades after young Shohei's love disappears, a wish is about to be
made and granted.
Wah hah.
Now _this_ is how you do Gratuitous Theater. Nothing like the old, not going
_quite_ in a new direction but certainly a fresh one.
The scene-setting is very nice, giving just enough description to complement
the action of the fic.
Only one problem.
Where's the 200K or so of story that comes _before_ this? It certainly says
something that this makes a good stand-alone epilogue, but what good's an
epilogue without a story for it to come after?
Get to writing.
* * * * *
[El Hazard]
- - - - -
Title: The World of Too Many Authors 1
Series: El Hazard
Genre: Comedy, Multiple Author Insertion
Author: Matt Lewis
Email: maybeso@home.com
Homepage: Never updated
Date Sent to FFML: 5/6/00
Archive Number: 10224
Size: 49kb
Summary:
Forgot to label this as part one. Several fanfic authors win a trip to
Japan and they end up together-- not always a good thing. And when
they see a bright flash of light in Shinanome and only one of them
realises what it means, well, you can be sure the fun's about to
begin. Includes a very intrusive narrator or two-- I can't remember
how many it goes through.
Hoo boy. This again. It was pretty funny the first time, and it's still
pretty funny the second time. I think this is the "When Self-Insertion Fics
Go Wrong" of the El-Hazard universe. Only with a bit more plot to it.
Anyway, hope this one can make it a little further this time out.
* * * * *
[Evangelion]
- - - - -
Title: Ascent of the Fallen
Episode: Foreword+Prologue
Series: Evangelion
Genre: adventure, drama, suspense, some WAFF
Author: Sparky Clarkson
Email: sparkster@writeme.com
Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/Sage_Ohlmin/evafic.htm
Archived At: http://members.tripod.com/Sage_Ohlmin/ascent/ascent.htm
Date Sent to FFML: May 03, 2000
Series Summary:
In the darkest hour, a light from heaven brings new hope. Mankind's
once -bleak future now offers a glimmer of promise. Yet humanity's
protectors must battle not only the angels from above, but also dark
forces from within. An ancient evil seeks to use their greatest hope
as its key to power. Unless the Evangelion pilots can use their own
inner strength to defeat the overwhelming odds, all will be
destroyed. Can mankind survive the ascent of the fallen?
Episode Summary:
Kneeling before the Sapphire Throne, Tabris makes a fateful choice.
Love has guided him to his decision, but it is a choice that will
change everything...
You know, I really liked this story. I never wrote the author, but I really
liked it. It was quite a journey the first time around, and it'll be
interesting seeing what's been tightened up this time through. This _is_
only a prelude, so don't expect much about the style to show through quite
yet, and watch for further chapters, definitely. Just keep in mind that the
monoliths are definitely _not_ the Eva monoliths we've come to know and
love, and you'll do alright.
- - - - -
Title: Gratuitous Theater
Episode: Two Hearts of One Mind - TimeRunner Second Reprise
Series: Evangelion
Genre: Serious
Author: TimeRunner
Email: keiichi@i-manila.com.ph
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
Date Sent to FFML: May 03, 2000
Series Summary:
The Gratuitous Theater Project is the collective term for an anthology
of reprised fanfics written by different authors. It's an writing
experiment, designed to highlight the differences in writing style
between the writers involved. Different fanfics from different
authors will be rewritten in the style of the assigned author.
Episode Summary:
This is a major revision of the first reprise. One of Scriviner's most
well-known and well-read fanfics is retold in the style of TimeRunner,
who places his own spin on the story.
I'll say it's a major revision. One might even say sidestory. Because...
well, there are some elements in here that make little to no sense if you
haven't read the original. It's definitely a new perspective, and a worthy
one, but it's better that you read the original one first. I'd say it's more
a remix than a reprise, but it's no less worthy to be read because of it.
- - - - -
Title: The Gods Within
Series: Evangelion
Genre: Elseworlds/superheroic(?)
Author: Scriviner
Email: ebon@i-manila.com.ph
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/scriviner/
Date Sent to FFML: 5/7/00
Summary:
What would you do when you find out that something that happened
around the time you were born gave you the power to shape reality?
What if you found out you weren't alone? What if they were after you
because of it? Let's not even mention the things that're trying to
destroy the world.
Don't believe what they tell you. Reality is yours.
...SuperShinji.
Excuse me a moment.
BAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!
No offense to the writing, but the mental image is incongruous to say the
least.
Which makes it all the better when it actually _works_. Can't wait to see
how this all pans out; the imagery is evocative enough to place me in the
action and the plot line so far definitely holds promise. You'll definitely
want to see the teasers to make sense of this...
I _do_ recommend this. If it goes where I hope it will, we'll have a decent
story on our hands.
- - - - -
Title: Second Chances
Episode: Prologue
Series: Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe
Author: Dokushinsha
Email: dokushin@uclink4.berkeley.edu
Homepage: http://www.freeyellow.com/members5/dokushinsha/index.html
Date Sent to FFML: May 07, 2000
Series Summary:
An altverse/what-if story involving Shinji. Initially takes place at
the end of the End of Evangelion movie. It follows the movie's
storyline except that Asuka doesn't appear with Shinji on the white
cross at the end. Subsequent chapters are set in the EVA episode
storylines, but diverge to a large extent.
Episode Summary:
A look into what happens after the Instrumentality of Man, when Shinji
finds himself floating on the white cross in the sea of LCL.
Okay. The first few bits are patterned and somewhat dull. Avoid exclamations
in the narrative and switching tenses mid-paragraph. And as much as
Belldandy makes for a plot device, I really think that you could find
another way to set up your premise. You might want to ditch this chapter
entirely, beginning your story with one of the sessions between
Shinji-sensei and younger Shinji and reflecting back from there; that's just
my opinion, and I have a definite bias for _in medias res_ stories, but this
first bit is too awkward, and I didn't really enjoy getting to the end of
it.
* * * * *
[Guyver / Sailor Moon]
- - - - -
Title: Fighting Spirit
Episode: 03
Series: Guyver/Sailor Moon
Genre: xover
Author: Toma Mathews a.k.a. Disruptor
Email: mathews1@gte.net
Homepage: http://home1.gte.net/mathews1/
Archived at: http://home1.gte.net/mathews1/fanfic.htm
Date Sent to FFML: May 3,2000
Archive Number:10146
Size:
Series Summary:
Raye pulls a staggering Sho Fukamachi off the streets
Episode Summary:
Sho explains himself to Hino-san
Um. I've got a chapter... four, about the right date. I'm guessing your
finger slipped a digit.
But as far as this goes... there's a massive power disparity between the
series, and a massive disparity in tone as well, and it shows. Sho and
Hino-ojiisan might as well be in separate universes for all the interacting
they do. There's nothing I can see in common between the characters at all,
perhaps because of the small size of the sample there is to work with, but a
crossover will really only work if the characters can interact on more than
one level. Sho is _just_ a warrior, so far as I can tell; you should develop
whatever other aspects of him there are if he's to be a viable character in
the SM universe.
* * * * *
[Pokemon]
- - - - -
Title: What's Eating Pikachu?
Series: Pokemon
Genre: spamfic
Author: Johann Chua
Email: fuuma@nwave.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/fuuma_1999/
Date Sent to FFML: May 5, 2000
Archive Number: 10187
Size: 2K
Summary:
A new way to enjoy Pokemon.
Ah... heh. You _do_ have to wonder where on earth the food comes from,
though, really you do, since there _are_ no "normal" animals...
Not for the faint of heart, I must say, but a macabre little piece of humor.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2]
- - - - -
Title: THE CLAN
Episode: 19 & 20
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Thriller w/ some Lemon
Author: C. Jones
Email: guilty@furinkan.net
Homepage: http://www.furinkan.net
Archived at: http://www.furinkan.net/fanfic
Date Sent to FFML: 05-06-00
Archive Number: 10245
Size: 22k
Series Summary:
Ranma discovers a vampiric secret about his family that could tear
them all apart forever. Meanwhile, evil creatures called 'Raveners'
are invading Tokyo.
Episode Summary:
Ranma, Akane, and their families discover Hinako's fate. All parties
involved make plans to deal with the next killing. Ukyou and Shampoo
makes plans to deal with Akane.
Episode Summary:
Ranma vs. The Ravener King. 'Nuff Said.
Moving toward what one assumes is the end of the series... wow. That's some
action scenes you have going there. Whatever else happens in this series,
you can still pull off an impressive fight-scene - not to dismiss what goes
on outside of combat, of course. But the fight scenes are really the only
"new" thing about this series - everything else works in somewhat
predictable ways with established characters. It _is_ nice when a plan comes
together - heck, the original Mission: Impossible capitalized on that for
years - but I like the fight scenes more.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Battletech]
- - - - -
Title: Battletech: The Saotome Gambit Part 11
Series: Ranma 1/2 - Battletech
Genre: Fusion
Author: J. Austin Wilde
Email: wildeman@psn.net
Homepage: http://www.psn.net/~wildeman/
Archived at: http://www.psn.net/~wildeman/TSG-11.txt
Date Sent to FFML: 30 April 2000
Size: 97K
Series Summary:
A Ranma 1/2 - Battletech fusion pitting the might of the Furinkan
Combine, the League of Five Nails, and the Jusenkyo Commonwealth
against the beleaguered Nerima Confederation. The only hope for the
Tendo family lies in the hands of two Dispossessed mechwarriors named
Saotome.
Episode Summary:
Ukyou and Konatsu return to the storyline in another clash with
General Sanzenin. The NCDS _Palomino_ makes rendezvous with the NCJS
_Dragonfly._ Akane happens upon a new pet, in the form of a little
black pig, while the green-eyed monster of jealousy looms over
Ranma. Finally, Ranma loses a dare with Akane, but ends up a winner
anyway as the _Dragonfly_ attempts a dangerous Jump to escape the
Capra System.
Wow. This is... just incredible. The fusing comes off _very_ well, and there
are a whole bunch of original series elements clustered in different places
in time...
Just "wow". This _is_ Ranma 1/2 In Space, excellent scene-setting, excellent
characterization... just read it, folks.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Rurouni Kenshin]
- - - - -
Title: Ruroni Ranma parts 7+8
Series: Ranma/Kenshin
Genre: Fusion
Author: Carrot Glace
Email: Carrotglace@juno.com
Homepage: Http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/fountain/3203/
Date Sent to FFML: 04+05/05/00
Summary:
Ranma goes shopping with Yuriko, and Ryoga shows up for his challenge
at Furinkan. Shadows of the future are touched upon, and a little
insite into Ranma's past for those who pay attention.
Heh. Okay, this'd be interesting even _without_ the Kenshin mythos to back
it up... as it is, you're only using a very small part of it, but what bit
there is is almost totally subsumed into Ranma. Kuno's ignorance to the
truth is going to be a telling point here, I can tell, and I'm looking
forward to many wacky hijinks in episodes to come.
* * * * *
[Sonic]
- - - - -
Title: Chaos Race
Episode: 6 - 8
Series: Sonic
Author: Adrian Tymes (co-author Alessandro Sanasi)
Email: wingcat@pacbell.net
Archived at: http://www.franken.de/users/deco/stories/tymes.html
Date Sent to FFML: 4/30/2000
Size: 14.8 KB
Series Summary:
After the fall of Robotnik, his android lieutenant Packbell continues
his work. Even Snively has been evicted. Thus, when Amy Rose
convinces Knuckles to bring the Floating Island to Knothole so she can
confront Sally for Sonic's heart, more than two parties are after the
Chaos Emeralds.
Episode Summary:
Tails flies solo for the green emerald, but three entities from his
past revive before he arrives. Robotnik's former lackeys do not look
kindly on Tails, but their loyalty to Snively is not absolute.
Amy travels down memory lane, and winds up at a place where dreams can
come true...or be shattered. Amy must find her own truth, or die
trying.
The emeralds return to the Floating Island, but not all of their
holders want them to stay. Knothole is doomed if the Freedom Fighters
fail, but that is not the highest concern of every FF present.
...did you _really_ have to bring Scratch and Grounder into this?
Don't answer that.
Suffice to say I enjoyed it the first time, and it was a very plausible
mini-series, which dealt with a lot of things that a strange melding of the
continuities would bring together. If you found yourself enjoying the
Saturday morning Sonic cartoon ABC aired before Power Rangers knocked it
off, then my hearty recommendation is that you read this.
- - - - -
Title: Shattered Dreams
Series: Sonic
Author: Adrian Tymes (co-author Alessandro Sanasi)
Email: wingcat@pacbell.net
Archived at: http://www.franken.de/users/deco/stories/tymes.html
Date Sent to FFML: 5/3/2000
Size: 31.6 KB
Summary:
Although Amy knows that she can not have Sonic, her heart refuses to
give up. Knowing this, Packbell manipulates her into working for him,
to the point where she captures Sonic and Sally. Will Sonic be able
to rescue Amy from herself, before she becomes Packbell's slave
forever?
This... went by too fast. Even considering the source material.
Don't feel you have to fit an entire story into the framework of a
thirty-minute episode. This... feels like you tried that, and it does show
in several places. While the core concept it very good, it could use a
little more meat on its bones than you gave it. Show us what _else_ was
happening, let the story last for days instead of hours...
- - - - -
Title: Two Shades Of Sally Part 1 & 2
Series: Sonic
Author: Adrian Tymes (co-author Alessandro Sanasi)
Email: wingcat@pacbell.net
Archived at: http://kedziek.simplenet.com/fanfic/tymes/
Date Sent to FFML: 5/4/2000
Size: 22.6 KB
Summary:
Weary of trying to capture the remaining free Mobians, Packbell
launches a plot to end all life on Mobius. Sonic and Sally recruit an
old friend to help foil this scheme, but one of them pays a price for
their success...
Demoralized by the effective loss of both of their leaders, the
residents of Knothole can not bring themselves to continue the fight
against Packbell. Amy Rose tries a desperate plan to restore their
spirits, but Tails and Knuckles must save her from her own
determination.
Again, this is an excellent idea for a story, and the execution is alright
up until the point where Sonic comes back from outer space. Then... it goes
too fast again. Since you've got a time constraint running, fill up the
story with the thoughts and emotions of other characters, drop hints as to
the other shade's behavior, aside from the ankle thing. It's a decent story
now; it'd be a _great_ story with a little more meat to it.
* * * * *
[Teknoman]
- - - - -
Title: Shara's Last Gift: Prologue and Chapter 1
Series: Teknoman (with x-over and orignal elements mixed in.)
Genre: Dark Sci-fi
Author: Teknos Warhammer (Christian Clark)
Email: Teknosw@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/teknos.geo/
Archived at: Legacy of the Teknos: http://www.geocities.com/teknos.geo/
Date Sent to FFML: Prologue: 5-1, Chapter 1: 5-4
Size: 55K
Summary:
Starting off where the TV nearly ended, our story takes a more
interesting turn as secrets from Shara's escape and Darkon's plan are
revealed. Also, plans are made to start counter-acting Slade's time
limit as well as make a fighter for the side of Earth...
Welcome back, man! How was your missionary work?
That aside, I must say it's good to have you - shonen though the original
series may have been, this definitely injects it with a serious dose of
emotional weight and meaning. I enjoyed reading it even though I've never
actually seen the original series, which is probably high praise for any
work of fanfic.
* * * * *
[Tenchi Muyou!]
- - - - -
Title: Gratuitous Theater
Episode: Superstitions - TimeRunner Reprise
Series: Tenchi Muyou!
Genre: Dark
Author: TimeRunner
Email: keiichi@i-manila.com.ph
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/7482
Date Sent to FFML: May 02, 2000
Series Summary:
The Gratuitous Theater Project is the collective term for an anthology
of reprised fanfics written by different authors. It's an writing
experiment, designed to highlight the differences in writing style
between the writers involved. Different fanfics from different
authors will be rewritten in the style of the assigned author.
Episode Summary:
A dark one-shot by Switch is given the TimeRunner treatment, who even
changes the persona involved.
"Terse", you described your writing style as. I can feel it. I can perhaps
guess as to who the person involved is, can't be sure I'm right, but at
least I can guess.
It's definitely... interesting. Definitely a worthy little characterization
piece, alike and yet different from its original. Which is the whole point
of these reprises, isn't it?
* * * * *
[You're Under Arrest]
- - - - -
Title: Accidental Intentions Part 1
Series: You're Under Arrest
Genre: Police drama
Author: James Chu
Email: patch_boy@hotmail.com
Date Sent to FFML: Sat, 06 May 2000 16:17:19 +0200
Archive Number: 10229
Size: 16K
Summary:
Car crashes, snipers, and two lovely police women... And one week to
solve a mystery.
"Unconditionally"...
Oh, I see, you messed with the header. Gomen.
Here's the real fic...
Hmm. Intro unchanged from before, decent piece of scene-setting, but a bit
too much detail on what the bus did. It's supposed to be an emotionally
moving moment, so don't use sterile words like "inertia". From beyond
that... you may want to fix the frantic talking-in-all-caps by replacing it
by normal case words joined with hyphens.
For-example-this-would-be-spoken-very-fast-inside-quote-marks, and it's
still readable.
Beyond that... I dunno. The story seems too... lifeless, I suppose. It's a
mistake to let your characters become overly emotionally charged and start
SPEAKING WITH LOTS OF EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!, but it's also just as much a
mistake to have them as deadpan as they seem to be. This is _not_ an
everyday event... work with that.
**************
Alright, that's the end of the reviews for this week. Nothing I can really
think of to get up on a soapbox about, so I'll let you folks go and be on my
way.
And yes, I _do_ think the FFML is out for a bit.
--G. Falconar