Time to start C+Cing again. And with one of my faves. Doing it as I read
along:
Onna-Tenchi Muyou!
LIME WARNING. There is an almost-reference to a sexual act in this
work. ~_^
Almost? Just doing things halfway then. :P
Chapter 1 - Nyanniichuan Muyou! (No Need for Spring of Drowned
Girl!)
Oh, now this sounds promising.
====================
its owner diligently typed away at a holographic laptop computer.
Looking over her shoulder, one would see a string of indecipherable
numbers and symbols appearing on the ephemeral screen.
If they are indecipherable, how can she understand them? :)
Hakubi Washuu, the self-proclaimed Number One Genius Scientist of
the Universe,
'...Scientific Genius of...' sounds better to me.
In one of innumerable simulated alien environments,
Ah, Detroit then?
~~~~~
Washuu swam with a herd of dolphins, but even that didn't seem to
lift her mood.
She needs to get into a good old fashioned orgy. That'll cheer her up.
The red crab doorbell clanked twice as the door opened and closed.
The sound o' Doom, to be sure.
"Ahhh. Just as I thought," Tenchi whispered. The house was empty.
You think he would know better by now.
capitalizing on it. Nice, sweet, and generous she may be, but to get
the whole picture of the person, one had to include mild
deviousness, a sometimes opportunistic sense of humor, and -- more
importantly at the moment -- a willingness to make a certain pair
pay up.
Yep. I can picture that, all right.
Aeka and Ryouko sagged, while Mihoshi jumped up and down in delight.
<All those screaming kids,>
Like Sasami and Mihoshi aren't enough?
"No! Uh-uh!
I see her saying 'Absolutely not!' rather than something as basic as
'Uh-uh.'
"The OTHER option," Sasami interrupted, with a hard glint in her
eye, "is for you and Ryouko to do our chores, in addition to your
own, for one month. Also, you will cook all meals and taste-test
each others cooking before serving."
Good thing she put in that qualifier. :)
"Moshi, moshi?"
Interesting. So her universal translator doesn't work for 'hello' but
translates everything else into English for us. (Yes, I found that
distracting and pointless since the rest of this is in English. Recommend
you change it to 'Hello, anyone here?" or something similar.
She went outside and checked the lake, the floating onsen, and the
tool shed. Tenchi's tools were there, so he wasn't working the
fields.
Never read 'Out by the Carrot Patch' I see. ^_^
"YAAAAHHH!!!" The manga went flying, and Tenchi rolled off the
carrot pillow, clutching his heart with his right hand.
*HUFF HUFF PUFF* "WAAAshuu-chan! Don't DO that!!" *HUFF PUFF*
Sound effects aren't working for me here. I'd drop them.
"It's a really *long* story, but in a nutshell, it's about this
martial artist with a curse. The curse turns him into a girl
whenever he's splashed with cold water. He turns back with warm or
hot water. He's also engaged to the kami know how many women, all
arranged by his father (who's also cursed, but he turns into a giant
panda). He, Ranma that is, also has women who aren't engaged to him
chasing him around."
"Sound familiar?" Washuu quipped.
Tenchi: Oh, did the same thing happen to you?
Washuu studied the girl on the cover again. "So... Ranma can change
his sex with just the application of the right temperature of water?
Interesting..."
Tenchi bigsweated. "Uhhh, what do you mean by that?"
I see Tenchi does have something resembling survival instincts.
"Ne, Tenchi!
Again, the Japanese isn't working here.
"Hair, hair, hair." One of her crab-leg forelocks waved in front of
her eye. "Red! Is there any other color?
Not so's you'd notice.
She typed in a file name: Onna-Tenchi. She paused and then grinned,
typing 'Muyou!' after it. She cackled aloud at her pun and leaned
back in her chair, jostling a piece of equipment behind her. She
heard a soft 'plop' and whipped her head around, a terrible feeling
gripping her. With a shout of "NO!" she spied Mihoshi's Galaxy
Police uniform hat sitting on the auxiliary control console.
Heh. Cute. Now Tenchi is doomed, of course.
Tenchi yawned as Ranma got splashed for the umpteenth time. <If he
wasn't so cute and sexy as a girl, this would've probably gotten old
by now. Thank Kamisama for fan service,> he thought.
He's thinking that with the sort of women that are around him? Boy does he
have his priorities backwards.
"Tadaimaaaa!"
And here
quickly found inertia and gravity propelling her to the horizontal.
She fanned her arms as she fell, and her giant theater soda went
flying. Everyone at the bottom of the stairs was drenched as they
watched Mihoshi hit the floor.
And now we meet Onna-Tenchi.
"WAAAAHH!" Mihoshi began to bawl. Feeling suddenly strange again,
Tenchi leaned back against the stairs and closed his eyes as the
female cast
'cast' makes it sound to televisionish. I'd change it to something else,
probably reworking the sentence. Nothing coming to mind at the moment, but
it's late.
sighed and helped the crying Galaxy Policewoman to her
feet. As a group they turned back to Tenchi and halted after one
step.
"'Beep-beep! Beep-beep! This pager's drivin' me cra-a-zy...'"
At this point I'm finding the song interrupting the story flow. The first
bit was okay as a bit of flavor to the scene, but not this part.
"Look, you. Tenchi's 100% man! You, obviously, are not!" Ryouko
reached down and strongly squeezed
'strongly squeezed' sounds awkward.
a large and well-formed breast.
Aw, I was hoping you'd go against the grain and make him more perky
of ample. :)
Ryouko rolled her eyes. "They're TITS, you moron, as if you didn't
know--"
Ryouko: Which proves you aren't Tenchi, since I've shown him mine lots of
times and he would know what they are.
"ARGH!!!" Energy crackled all over Ryouko's body. "We're getting off
the subject!! WHERE. IS. TENCHI!!!"
TENCHI?!!!
er, -oneechan, um...! Anyway, how did you get a curse like Ranma's?
Can I get one, too?
Tenchi: Sure. (splashes Sasami with a glass of water) See, now you're a
girl too.
Gee, what do I wanna be? I'm already gonna be a
spaceship, someday, so that's out. Ryou-ou-ki has cats and bunnies
covered... sort of. I don't think I wanna be a boy. Hmmm... Magical
Girl?"
Heh. It's been done, though. (engage innocent whistling) :)
"Wait a second, Ryouko." Tenchi closed her eyes with a grimace and
slowly, ever so slowly reached her hand down to check...
Tenchi's eyes flew open. "WAAAAH! It's GONE!"
But wouldn't it be worse if it was still there? :)
Tenchi: Oh, thank god I'm only a hermaphrodite. Now that I can live with.
"Hey! Good idea, Mihoshi."
So they're going to have lesbian sex? :)
"I see," Aeka muttered. "Who would do such a thing to you,
Tenchi-sama?"
A birdcall washed through the room, and everyone spoke
simultaneously.
"WASHUU!"
Heh. So they are thinking at least a little clearly.
"So would I if I'd had that," Ryouko muttered from the floor.
Mihoshi: Okay. (Buries Ryouko's face in her breasts)
"I don't wear bras, Aeka," Ryouko smirked. "I'm naturally pert."
Aeka: Really? I would call it more 'sag' than 'pert', but then what would
neglected.
"VIRTUE!! You're one to talk, Miss Pheromones!"
'Pheromones'? That doesn't sound quite right. 'Hormones' perhaps?
"I'll help dry you off, Tenchi," Ryouko said seductively. Aeka was
about to let loose again when Mihoshi came jogging out of the
kitchen.
Wet Tenchi round two I see.
"ACK!! Ryouko-san! WHAT are you DOING, you HENTAI?!?!" Aeka
screeched.
Ryouko: But it's your turn next.
Aeka: Oh, well that's okay then.
Mihoshi: Then me next.
Tenchi closed her eyes and nodded. "Mihoshi-san."
Mihoshi was still standing with a face full of power log... snoring.
With a disgusted huff, Aeka dispelled the logs, and Mihoshi crumpled
to the ground, asleep.
I would think it was unconsciouness rather than sleep.
Hovering in the air a few feet away, Ryouko found herself having a
fast change of heart, sorry she'd sprung away like that. <Damn!> she
thought. <Why do I still feel like boinking him, even when he's a
girl?
Not-so-latent-lesbian-tendencies, that's why. :)
Tenchi trembled in desire. She *wanted* to be touched all of a
sudden,
I see Washuu has played around with the sex drive as well, as in gave him
one.
"WHAT?!?! SHE?!?!?!" Ryouko was beside herself, figuratively
speaking.
I'd drop the 'figuratively speaking' since it seems unneccessary.
"Ohayou, Oyaji." <Huh?> "EEP!!!" Tenchi clamped her hands over her
mouth and looked up at Nobuyuki. Her father's jaw was now down to
his bellybutton, a thick string of drool hanging out of his mouth
and pooling on the tile.
Oh yes, this is bad.
"EEEEEK!!!" Mihoshi pulled a baseball bat from... somewhere and
started clubbing the table and everything on it. Dishes shattered
and glasses were dumped, but the spider simply walked away from it
all.
Heh. Typical Mihoshi.
~~~~~
Katsuhito stepped out of the utility closet with a distant look on
his face. Hearing the TV
'television' Always best to spell such things out.
~~~~~
Tenchi was enjoying the relative quiet engendered by his, er, state
and was enjoying
To 'enjoying's in the same sentence. Might want to change the second to
'relishing' or something simililar.
Tenchi had slapped her hands over her mouth... too late. Everyone
else was still confused at her outburst, but Tenchi's eyes bulged as
Ryouko slowly smiled in feline satisfaction.
Given how fast the Tenchi-Ryouko thing is moving along, I take it this is
not going ot be a long fic.
Nice work. A little predictible, been done well enough to be enjoyed
anyway. I'll be interested to see where you go with this.
D.B. Sommer
====================