WARNING: If you haven't watched all of Escaflowne you might
not want to read this spamfic as it gives away a few spoilers from
the end of the series. If you don't mind, then read away but if you
do, stop now! End warning.
The Crossdimensional Adventures of Escaflowne:
A Really Idiotic X-Over Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE THREE: Big Blue Pauses.
SCENE: The inside of the big blue beam of light. The freaky
Escaflowne opera music, otherwise known as the Dance of Curse,
plays continuously in the background. Van sits inside of
Escaflowne, next to him stands Ashram.
ASHRAM: (Frowns.) Does this music always play?
VAN: (Twitches and growls.) It's my theme music...
ASHRAM: (Looks up at Escaflowne.) It appears to be making
you unduly agitated. Perhaps we should turn it off?
VAN: (Twitches some more.) You can't just turn it off... the music
represents my inner torment and coolness...
ASHRAM: (Nods wisely.) Ahhh, I see. (He ponders this then
murmurs.) I wonder if I should have theme music of my own then?
I certainly deserve to have some.
VAN: (Twitches even more.) Well, you can't have mine... I
worked long and hard to get it perfected...
ASHRAM: (Snorts.) Perfected to what? Utter creepiness that
inspires people to act psychotic on hearing it?
VAN: (Twitches severely.) Exactly!!
(Van and Ashram are silent for several moments.)
ASHRAM: (Fiddling with his shoulder huge shoulder pads that he
always wears. Who knows why.) So... how long before we get to
exactly wherever we're going?
VAN: (Stops twitching. Puzzles.) I'm not sure. Usually it takes a lot
less time than this to get out of the big blue beam of light. Maybe
we're having connection problems.
ASHRAM: (Ponders this.) Maybe the big blue beam of light lines
are all tied up due to sudden log ons?
VAN: (Blinks.) That many people use big blue beams of light?
ASHRAM: (Shrugs.) You can't be the only one.
(They're both quiet for a moment before Van notices that the tiny
flag of Marmo is still sticking in Escaflowne's foot.)
VAN: (Frowns.) Why did you put that there anyway?
ASHRAM: (Cool tones.) I told you, I claimed you for Marmo.
This weapon is far too advanced and cool for anyone other than
Marmo to claim it. And everything that I do is for the good of
Marmo and its people. That is the essence of my coolness as
Ashram, the Black Knight.
VAN: (Frowns again.) I thought you were called the Dark Knight?
ASHRAM: (Shrugs carelessly.) Black Knight, Dark Knight, they
both sound exactly the same.
VAN: (Mulls over this.) I suppose.
SCENE: The kingdom of Fanelia. Allen Schezar stands inside of
the newly rebuilt royal castle facing the newly crowned King of
Fanelia. Next to him stands Dilandau Albatou, who still wears a
frilly pink dress, he's currently adjusting the big yellow bow that he
has in his hair.
ALLEN: (Frowns and looks serious.) So... you're the new King. I
never would have thought you'd claim power.
DILANDAU: (Snorts.) Shows how stupid everyone here is. But at
least the cat girl isn't running things.
MERLE: (Shouts from the sidelines.) Hey!! I'd be a great Queen of
Fanelia, I'll have you know!
DILANDAU: (Sneers at Merle.) Sure you would. You'd waste all
of the budget money on buying kitty litter and catnip dolls that are
designed in the shape of Van Fanel!
MERLE: (Sweatdrops and grumbles.) How'd he know about
those? I thought I kept all of them well hidden...
ALLEN: (Turns to Dilandau and puts a hand on his shoulder.
Soothing tones.) Silence, Sister. I must discuss things with the new
and... honorable King of Fanelia.
DILANDAU: (Grouses.) Honorable my ass... he's nothing more
than a common criminal... I'd rather be dealing with the horny
catnip addicted catgirl over there...
MERLE: (Shouts irately.) I'm not addicted to catnip!!
RANDOM GUY: (Whispers.) But didn't we see a huge cartload
of it being shipped to her house yesterday...?
RANDOM GUY #34: (Nods.) And it was the high grade quality
catnip too. The kind that comes from the East.
RANDOM GUY #124: (Sobs.) Oh! We all knew that she had a
problem long ago! Why didn't we send her for help?!
MERLE: (Turns red. Shouts.) I'm not a catnip addict!!
DILANDAU: (Sighs sadly.) Denial is the first sign...
ALLEN: (Coughs and says in strong tones.) Silence! Need I
remind you all that I wear poofy shirts?
(The entire room is silent as they ponder this.)
GADDES: (Coughs nervously.) Uhm... Boss? What does you
wearing poofy shirts mean exactly? Other than you got a weird
sorta fashion sense, that is.
ALLEN: (Smiles dangerously and chuckles.) Simply that I'm not a
man to be trifled with. Because only a man who can kick the asses
of many other man would dare to wear something as ridiculous as
my poofy shirts! Because I know that anyone who makes fun of
me, I could surely defeat in battle, and defeat them badly! Only a
TRUE man can wear a poofy shirt such as this! And I, Allen
Schezar, Knight Caeli, am a true man!!
DILANDAU: (Warily eyes Allen who is now laughing madly. He
looks at Gaddes.) Y'know, he has a point...
GADDES: (Nods quickly.) Yup.
ALLEN: (Abruptly stops laughing and turns to face the throne
where the new King sits.) So, shall we conduct our business now?
What do you say King?
(Out of the shadows, the new King of Fanelia, leans forward to
reveal the face of...)
MOLE MAN: (Smirks.) Yes, lets.
(As the audience reels, or just sits blankly, over the revelation that
Mole Man is now King of Fanelia, the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
Most characters in this spamfiction are from Escaflowne. As the
series goes on more characters from other series will appear and
I'll list where they come from to try and avoid confusion that I'm
sure will occur anyway. Like Scenes From An Elevator this is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
THE NON-ESCAFLOWNE CAST:
Ashram - Record of the Lodoss Wars
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Van and Ashram ever escape the hold of the paused big blue beam
of light?! Can only a man's man really survive wearing a poofy shirt
like Allen's?! And how in the hell did Mole Man become King of
Fanelia?! Stay tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
"I always do stupid things. Even if you're watching."
-Moroboshi Ataru; Urusei Yatsura-
Juri Rules All.
Miss Kitty Fantastico
is a great name for a
cat. Just ask Tara.
When I'm dead I'll
be worth something.
-Quotes from me-