Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 or any of the ideas associated with
it. Rumiko Takahashi and Shogakukan, Inc do. Rights in North America
belong to Viz Communications
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 15:
"I ain't Shampoo, you moron!" Bristling with indignation, Ranma
grabbed hold of Mousse's arm and tossed him over her shoulder.
Somersaulting to land on his feet, Mousse turned to face Ryoga.
Seeing the look on the half blind Chinese boy's face, Ryoga began
to backpedal in an effort to put space between them.
"My belove-." The remainder of Mousse's speech turned into a
panicked yelp as he dodged the pitcher of water Akane flung at him from
behind.
"What did you do that for?" Mousse asked directing an angry glare
in Akane's direction.
"Shampoo isn't here duck-boy," Ranma said, answering before Akane
could
speak. "Why don't you just leave."
"You should be more polite. If you keep acting that rude you'll
never get a boyfriend."
"And who wants a boyfriend?" Mousse took an involuntary step back
at the sight of the battle aura Ranma was manifesting. It wasn't far
enough.
=================
"We really need to talk."
"I'd rather not," Ryoga mumbled as he quickened his pace slightly.
"I'm serious. You've been acting really weird all day," Ranma
complained as she hurried to keep up with Ryoga. "I mean you've seen my
cursed form naked plenty of times and you never acted like you did this
morning."
"That's completely different!" Ryoga stated defensively. "You're
in Nabiki's body and she's really a girl."
"Not so loud." After looking around hurriedly to see if anyone was
paying attention, Ranma continued "I guess I can understand that. Why
did you and Akane follow me to the restaurant though?"
"Akane thought Ukyo might be stalking you. I mean stalking
Nabiki...and she didn't really think Ukyo was doing the stalking."
"I suppose that's why you picked a fight with hi- Ukyo as well."
Ryoga nodded eagerly, glad that Ranma seemed to be finished asking
questions. He wasn't eager to explore his exact motivations and it
seemed Ranma agreed.
===============
"What on earth were you thinking!" Akane shouted.
"It was Shampoo's idea." Ukyo cringed slightly beneath the glare
Akane directed at her. "I thought Ranma would turn me down and I wanted
her to stop bugging me."
"I hope you're satisfied. I don't know what you were trying to
accomplish, but all you did was make Ryoga jealous."
"With Ranma stuck as a girl full time, we needed some way of
stopping him from spending to much time with Ryoga."
"Why didn't you just give Ranma some instant nannichuan? At least
nothing could have gone wrong with that plan."
The pained expression on Ukyo's face spoke more eloquently than any
words could have. "That sounds like a good idea. I'll talk to Ranchan
after school tomorrow, all right? Cologne should have told him that
he'll be stuck for a while by then."
"I think you'd better. He'll probably be pretty down after he
finds out."
=================
Despite herself, Ranma couldn't keep a cheerful spring out of her
step as she ran. It was a fine, warm day and instead of being stuck in
school she outside training. True, a bit of jogging didn't really
compare to the type of training she did in her own body, but that wasn't
completely bad. Even better, tonight she'd be back in her own body.
"It's good to see that you're enjoying yourself, Son-in-Law."
"What?" Ranma stumbled to an abrupt halt and glanced around wildly
before spotting the amazon matriarch perched atop a nearby wall. "Ol-
Cologne, what are you doing here? The statue won't work again for hours
and Ryoga and Nabiki aren't even here."
"I'm afraid there's been a slight change of plans. I won't be able
to switch you back until you agree to marry Ukyo."
"You've got to be joking. This didn't work the first time you
tried it and it won't work now."
"We'll see. It doesn't look like you have much choice." Cologne
paused for a moment and then continued, "Of course, if you managed to
take the statue from me, you wouldn't need my help."
A wide smile split Ranma's face. "You're on, Ghoul. Ranma Saotome
had never backed down from a challenge and I'm not going to start now."
=================
"So, what do you want to talk to me about Ucchan?" Ranma asked.
Ukyo's arrival was convenient for her because it let her explain
Cologne's ultimatum to everyone at once.
Ukyo opened her mouth to speak and then stopped nonplused by
Ranma's casual attitude. If it hadn't been for the quietly sobbing form
of Soun huddled in the corner she wouldn't have believed that anything
was wrong. "I, ah, I just wanted to explain about last night to you."
Ranma waved a hand dismissively. "Forget about it. I'm used to
that sort of thing. Besides, I can use your help getting that stupid
statue away from Cologne."
"Just what do you mean by that, Ranma?" Nabiki angrily scowled at
the erstwhile inhabitant of his body. He just knew that Ranma had done
something to foul things up.
"It's horrible. Now the schools will never be joined." A renewed
fit of sobbing drowned out the rest of Soun's words. Most of those in
the room ignored him, while Genma awkwardly tried to comfort him.
Ranma glanced disgustedly at the weeping Tendo patriarch. "The old
ghoul has some stupid idea about me promising to marry Ucchan before
she'll change us back. It's no big deal. She's just having fun jerking
me around. I'll have things straightened out in a couple of days."
"Ranma, you're an idiot." Seeing Ranma's puzzled frown, Nabiki
continued, "I have to start attending school again tomorrow, remember?
Also, you might have more trouble dealing with Cologne than you think.
You're not exactly in top form right now."
"Great. What am I going to do now?" Ranma wearily rubbed forehead
with on knuckle as she tried to cudgel her reluctant brain into
producing a plan.
"This isn't nearly as serious as it seems boy." Standing suddenly,
Genma Saotome assumed his most solemn expression. "In order for Cologne
to have any chance at all of fulfilling her goals you have to be in
your own body."
"You're right, Pop." Ranma regarded her father with surprise and
faint uneasiness. "I need to change back quickly though."
"It's extraordinarily simple." Genma smiled condescendingly.
"We'll just announce that you're marrying Ryoga tomorrow. She'll have
no choice then."
"Are you crazy?! No way!" Ranma felt a vague sense of
gratification that Ryoga had been one of those yelling along with him.
The fact that her mother hadn't been was worrying, but not surprising.
"I'll figure something out on my own."
"Whatever. I have to go get ready for my date." Wearing a
disgusted frown on his face, Nabiki set off for his room.
"I have to leave too, Ranchan. I still have three packets of the
instant nannichuan that I used left, though. Maybe they'll be useful."
=================
"I don't see why I have to be a waitress. I'm not stuck as a girl
or anything," Ryoga grumbled.
"The uniform wouldn't fit you otherwise." Cologne chuckled at the
disgusted expression on Ryoga's face. "Now get to work. Shampoo's
picking up some important spices in Osaka and Ranma can't do all the
work."
"He's got Mousse helping him." Ryoga fingered the material of her
uniform in revulsion. Pink, frilly and tight were three adjectives that
she'd never thought would apply to anything she wore.
"That doesn't mean much. Now get moving, we have more customers."
"I'm going, I'm going." Ryoga raised her hands in surrender and
headed towards the Nekohanten's entrance.
"And try to smile," Cologne yelled after her.
Moments later, with a smile pasted on her face, Ryoga hurried back
towards the kitchen. She didn't care if Ranma thought this was the best
way to get the statue, it wasn't worth it. She wasn't in any hurry to
get back to her own body after all.
Suddenly, an unwelcome presence behind her caused her to stiffen.
"Let go of my butt, Duck-boy." Not waiting for an answer, Ryoga rammed
an elbow back into the blind Amazon's face.
"S-sorry, Ranma. I didn't see you there," Mousse stuttered as he
stumbled backward.
"Yeah, right." Maiming that idiot would almost make this situation
tolerable, Ryoga decided. Too bad Cologne and Ranma wouldn't approve.
=================
Nabiki glanced over at the petite girl beside him. Kiyomi seemed
to be enjoying wandering through Nerima and watching the scenery, but it
didn't make for a very memorable date. Besides which, Nabiki faced the
unenviable situation of being hopelessly lost and bored senseless at the
same time. It was time for a little guidance.
"Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself, Kiyomi?" Seeing the
girl's puzzled expression, Nabiki elaborated, "Like, when did you start
practicing martial arts?"
"I can't really remember a time when I wasn't. Grandfather always
said that the Matsumara school of Yarijutsu has centuries of tradition
behind it. So how about you?"
"I just sort of picked it up while I was traveling. Mostly I
trained in the mountains on my own."
"Being lost all the time must be pretty depressing."
"It's not my idea of a fun time," Nabiki replied. "I've been
living at the Tendos' for a while and it's a big improvement."
"How did that happen? You have to admit that it's a bit unusual."
"It was Ranma's mom's idea. Other than that it's a long story.
Why don't we find a place to eat and I'll fill you in on some of the
details."
"Sounds nice. I've heard there's a Chinese place around here
that's supposed to be petty good. Why don't we try there?"
"Sounds good to me," Nabiki said happily. The Nekohanten always
had good food and unless they'd walked farther than Nabiki had thought,
Kiyomi couldn't be talking about anywhere else. Checking up on Ryoga
and Ranma would be a nice bonus.
When he and Kiyomi stepped through the Nekohanten's entrance
moments later, he smiled at the accuracy of his prediction. The sight
inside wasn't anything that he'd imagined, however.
"Prepare to die, Mousse!" With an incoherent cry of rage, Ryoga
rocketed towards her target, only to go flying into a wall, as Mousse
smoothly sidestepped and tapped her outstretched arm lightly.
Nabiki blinked once. The only thing he wanted to know was how
Cologne had managed to get Ryoga into anything so...pink.
=================
Concentrating intensely, Ranma slowly crept up the stairs to the
Nekohanten's living quarters. Cologne probably kept the statue in her
personal possession, but Ryoga's little tantrum was too good an
opportunity to ignore.
At the top of the stairs, Ranma paused. She wouldn't have long, so
she'd have to decide where to search first. A slight scraping noise
from behind one door made her choice easy. Trusting her instincts,
Ranma gently eased the door open.
The cramped and austere quarters revealed no doubt belonged to
Mousse. The sole object of interest to Ranma in the room was a small
wizened figure lying on the floor bound hand and foot and securely
gagged.
Ranma smiled slightly. "Hello, Mousse. We need to talk."
=================
Nabiki shifted his weight slightly as he tried to make sense of the
scene in front of him. Ryoga's performance had improved dramatically as
her training reasserted itself, but she was still only holding her own
at best. Mousse just wasn't this good. Nabiki's musings were
interrupted as something struck him below his ribs.
"What are you waiting for?" Kiyomi asked, rubbing her elbow. "Go
help her."
Nabiki flinched involuntarily. Despite his appearance, he was well
aware that he possessed little of Ryoga's martial skills. "I don't
think
that Ranko would appreciate any interference," he temporized.
"Well if you won't I will," Kiyomi declared, beginning to screw two
short wooden poles, one ending in a wickedly hooked blade, together.
"I really don't-." A familiar voice cut short Nabiki's musings.
"The game's up Happosai. Hand over the statue. I know you have
it." Ranma spoke forcefully , but seemed to lack true confidence.
Nabiki's mind raced. Suddenly, Cologne's refusal to switch them
back and Mousse's increased skill made a lot of sense. There were still
questions, but finding answers could wait.
"You might have discovered the truth, Ranma, but it doesn't
matter. None of you can stop me." With a maniacal laugh, Happosai
bounded over Ryoga and then darted between Kiyomi and Nabiki, easily
evading Nabiki's clumsy attempt to grab hold of him.
For a moment after Happosai's departure there was silence, until
finally, Kiyomi spoke, "Why did he call Nabiki 'Ranma', and what
happened
to your martial arts, Ryoga?"
Ranma cleared her throat nervously. "I think I can explain
things."
"Really? I have a few questions as well." The teenagers started
in
surprise at Cologne's sudden appearance. "Although, I think I can guess
some of the answers." Cologne directed a glare at the small form
skulking behind Ranma.
"It's sort of complicated. The important point is that Nabiki,
Ryoga and I are in the wrong bodies because of a magic figurine that
Happosai stole from the Chinese amazons. The Old Ghoul here wouldn't
change us back. I thought she was just being a pain, but it turns out
she thought the statue got blown up."
"I would have gotten everyone in their correct body, eventually. I
merely needed time to gather the proper ingredients for the ritual,"
Cologne interjected.
"Whatever. Anyway, what really got destroyed was this cheesy fake
Mousse had cooked up. I guess the moron really lucked out."
"I made a perfect copy," Mousse protested, drawing himself up to
his full two foot height.
"It's too bad he was stupid enough to trust Happosai with the real
thing. The lech swiped Mousse's body and started running around causing
trouble."
"I suppose that makes sense," Kiyomi said dubiously. "So that
means that Ranko is in Ranma's body."
"Um, not quite. You see there are these cursed springs in
China..."
=================
Ranma stalked through the halls of Furinkan High, a scowl adorning
her face. Although several students greeted her, even those otherwise
inclined respected her privacy. Past experience with Nabiki in a bad
mood was working in the favor of the body's latest inhabitant.
Of course, there are always slow learners. "Ah, Nabiki Tendo, I
rejoice that you have returned to the halls of Furinkan and once more
bask in my glorious presence." Opening his arms as if to embrace Ranma,
Kuno took a step forward.
"Stuff it, Kuno." Ranma swung her book bag in a vicious arc,
twisting her body to increase the force of the blow. As Kuno slumped
limply to the floor, Ranma's glowering expression was replaced by a
savage smile. Maybe that wasn't how Nabiki would have handled things,
but it worked.
Marching onward, Ranma quickly reached Nabiki's class room.
Stepping inside she scanned the room to locate Nabiki's seat.
Fortunately, it's location by a window made this easy.
"Are you all right, Nabiki?"
Ranma quickly evaluated the girl speaking to her. She was tall,
thin and had her hair done up in twin pigtails. Reaching a decision,
Ranma spoke, "I'm just not feeling like myself today, Noriko." Inwardly
Ranma congratulated herself for guessing correctly. Nabiki had helped
prepare her, but she still didn't know Nabiki's classmates.
"I'll say. Decking Kuno like that is more Akane's style." Noriko
smiled warmly at Ranma. "I've got your notes and homework for the past
week here."
"Thanks. This means a lot to me."
"Don't worry, we're friends. I know you'd do the same for me.
I'll see you when you're feeling better. I've got to get back to my
seat now."
Ranma watched Noriko leave and sighed heavily. Discovering that
Nabiki was fairly popular, at least with the other girls had been
surprising. Somehow, she'd never thought of Nabiki having friends.
"Attention, class. It's time to begin today's lesson." The
whispers and fidgeting that had filled the room moments before quickly
stilled at the sound of the teacher's voice.
Glumly Ranma reached for her pen. At least she wasn't late like
Kuno. He still hadn't come in.
=================
"What are you so happy for?" Ryoga looked over at the boy walking
beside him, genuinely curious. Nabiki had been morose all day at
school. Then halfway back to the Tendos' house he'd suddenly started
smiling.
"I just figured out how to deal with Happosai."
"You have? I've got to see this," Ryoga said skeptically.
"You don't seem too excited," Nabiki said, easing the door to his
home open.
"I know you and Ranma aren't happy with the way things are, but it
doesn't matter to me personally. At least not anymore than it does to
Ukyo or Akane."
"I guess I should have expected that. Do you hear some one
humming?"
Ryoga's eyes narrowed. "Yeah. It sounds like it's coming from
Happosai's room."
"Perfect. Watch this." Flashing Ryoga a fang toothed grin, Nabiki
casually strolled up to Happosai's door. However, as he opened it his
demeanor changed drastically, his shoulders slumped his brow furrowed
and his smile vanished.
"Nabiki? What do you want?"
"How could you be so cruel? Trapping me in this horrible male
body."
Ryoga watched in horrified fascination as a tear traced a path down
Nabiki's cheek.
"Don't go blaming me. I didn't have anything to do with it."
"You're the one who has the statue now and you won't let me change
back." Nabiki's voice quavered slightly and he seemed to be fighting to
hold back a sob.
"R-Ranma has to learn proper respect for his master. If there was
anything I could do to help..."
"Really?" Nabiki breathed, his face assuming an expression of
rapturous joy. "If you could help me I'd be so grateful."
Happosai stood quivering in indecision, until at last resolve
entered his eyes. "Stay right here. I've got to go get something!" he
shouted, rushing out the door past Ryoga.
"You see? There's nothing to it. You just need the right
approach."
=================
The group waiting for Happosai was quiet and subdued. Ranma, Ryoga
and Nabiki were sitting together as a group, with Ukyo slightly off to
one side.
"This is stupid. If we want to get the statue, we're going to have
to beat it out of him."
"Like that'd work, Ranma. Like it or not you and I wouldn't be
much use in a fight and Ryoga and Ukyo can't beat him by themselves. If
Happosai doesn't come through, we'll just have to wait for Cologne."
"I'm hurt that you don't trust me, Nabiki. I'd never let down a
pretty girl like you." As he spoke, Happosai easily balanced a bucket of
water on his index finger. "I've got your cure right here," he says,
tossing the bucket towards Nabiki.
Water avoidance reflexes acquired from spending over a week in
Ryoga's cursed body kicked in and Nabiki rolls away from the water even
as he realized what it must be.
"What did you do that for?" Happosai demanded. "That was all the
Nyannichuan that I had."
"You should've told me what it was. Besides, I want my own body
back," Nabiki protested, rising to his feet.
"Me too. Come on, Duck-boy, lets have it." As Ranma spoke, the
others instinctively spread out to surround Happosai.
"Ranma, you should be more respectful of your elders. If you and
Ryoga beg for my forgiveness, I just might help you out."
"Enough talk. It's time to fight." Without waiting for a
response, Ryoga aimed a hard right at Happosai's head, which the newly
young lecher easily dodged. However, he couldn't avoid the spin-kick
that Ryoga followed up with and was sent flying out of the house towards
the koi pond.
Performing a handspring off one of the rocks surrounding the pond,
Happosai vaulted over it and landed on the other side. "It looks like
I'm going to have to teach you a lesson, Boy."
"Don't count on it."
Ranma watched in stunned disbelief as Happosai and Ryoga squared of
on opposite sides of the koi pond. "We can win this. Since Happosai's
in Mousse's body, he's nowhere near as fast as usual."
"I'm on it, Ranchan." Unslinging her battle spatula, Ukyo charged
through the whole left by Happosai's exit.
"The two of you don't stand a chance."
As Happosai leaped into the air, Ryoga and Ukyo dived apart to
avoid the hail of Happodaikarin he hurled at them.
"Where is he?" Ukyo wheezed, trying to peer through the cloud of
smoke and debris that had enveloped the area.
"Right here, Cutie." Before Ukyo could turn, Happosai lightly
tapped a point at the base of her skull, causing her to collapse to the
ground unconscious. "Don't think I'm going to let you off that easily,
Ryoga."
"Shut up and fight," Ryoga snarled in reply.
The two combatants collided in a flurry of blows almost too fast
for the eye to follow, but it soon became apparent that only Happosai's
need to avoid the Koi pond kept the fight relatively close.
"I'm going to get help."
Startled, Ranma looked over at Nabiki, only to see him awkwardly
leap over the fence surrounding the Tendos' property. Ranma started
after him, but then realized that she'd never be able to keep up with
Ryoga's body.
"Time to finish this."
Startled, Ranma looked back to the fight, only to see a battered
looking Ryoga down on one knee and Happosai preparing the finishing
blow.
"Look over here, ya troll!" As Happosai's head swung around
towards her, Ranma's fingers fumbled with the buttons to her blouse,
eventually tearing it open.
"Sweeto!"
As Happosai flashed towards her, Ranma reflexively closed her eyes
tightly.
"Keep your hands off of her!"
Opening her eyes, Ranma saw Happosai's face planted firmly in the
dirt, mere inches from her feet, and Ryoga standing over him breathing
heavily.
"Don't tell me you're sweet on Ranma," Happosai sputtered, climbing
to his feet and spitting out dirt, as Ranma backed away.
"That doesn't matter. I've figured out your weak spot now," Ryoga
proclaimed. "Shi Shi Hokodan!"
Happosai merely smirked and cupped his hands together. A red flare
of light erupted from between them, meeting Ryoga's attack and canceling
it in a roar of thunder. "You should know better than that. I..." The
white robed martial artist's words trailed off as he stumbled and nearly
fell to his knees.
"What's the matter, Gramps, tired? Teikiatsu Kyaku!" With a
fierce grin, Ryoga spun into the air and hammered his foe's face and
torso with dozens of kicks. By the time Ryoga landed from his attack,
Happosai had fallen to the ground, after bouncing off the outer wall and
leaving a sizable crack in it.
Stalking over to his fallen opponent, Ryoga lifted him from the
ground by the front of his robes. "What do you have to say for your
self now?"
"Gotcha!" Happosai's eyes sprang open, and before Ryoga could
react he drove three fingers into the front of his chest. "Now where
was ?" Happosai asked, stepping free of Ryoga's crumpling form.
"Right here. Moko Takabisha!" A bright yellow sphere crashed into
Happosai, sending him flying back into the fence. Ranma stood, white
faced and trembling from the strain, wondering if she'd won, until
Happosai slowly levered himself back to his feet.
"That didn't hurt," he croaked.
"Then I hope this does!" With a loud clang, Ukyo's spatula
propelled Happosai back to the ground and into unconsciousness. "Bet
you forgot about me, Ranchan."
=================
"All right, Happosai. You'd better give up or..." Nabiki's voice
trailed off in amazement at the sight before her. A loudly protesting
duck sat on the ground, wrapped securely in a ball of duct tape, while
Ranma, Ryoga and Ukyo pulled a growing pile of items out of an empty set
of white robes.
"Stupid Mercenary boy say Ranma need help," Shampoo complained,
glaring at the duck.
Nabiki looked helplessly over at the other members of his impromptu
army. After finding Kiyomi waiting across the street from the dojo and
then running into Genma, Akane and Shampoo returning from the
Nekohanten, he'd started to feel rather pleased with himself. "Ryoga
beat him?"
"We all did," Ranma answered. "That wasn't a bad plan you came up
with though, Ryoga."
"Hey, I passed out the first time I used a ki attack in Ukyo's
body. It's not surprising Happosai had troubles too. You being able to
use the Moko Takabisha was a lot more impressive."
"If you two are finished congratulating each other, I've found the
statue. Besides, I was the one to finish him off," Ukyo added proudly.
"Give statue to Shampoo. Great-grandmother teach how to use."
Moments later, Nabiki stood in the middle of the yard facing
Shampoo, with Ryoga and Ranma flanking him on either side.
"Important thing is concentration. And magic word. Magic word
very important." Shampoo composed herself and then slowly raised the
statue to shoulder height. "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."
As everyone boggled at the amazon, a familiar purple and pink smoke
poured out of the statue and enveloped the trio.
=================
"Man, it's good to be back in my own body."
"For once we agree, Ranma. There is one thing , though. Searching
my desk wasn't very nice. If you wanted some pictures of Ukyo I would
have been happy to give them to you."
"What're you talking about?"
Nabiki smiled cruelly. "I think you're about to find out."
"Ranma! You said you burned them!"
Ranma whirled, took one look at Akane marching towards him
brandishing a bokken in one hand and a thin stack of photos in the other
and started running.
"They should really thank me." Nabiki chuckled as she leaned
against the front gate and watched the chase unfold. It was good to see
things returning to normal.
"Nabiki, we need to talk."
"K-Kiyomi. I hope you're not too mad. I didn't mean to hurt
anyone."
"Don't worry, I'm not mad. In fact, I enjoyed our dates. Maybe we
can go out again sometime."
"Bu-bu-bu-"
"Bye. I'll be seeing you." Humming happily (and off key), Kiyomi
strolled off.
"At least things can't get any worse." Realizing what she'd said
Nabiki froze, expecting a bolt from the heavens to strike her down.
After a moment, when nothing happened she began to relax.
"Nabiki Tendo?"
"For the moment. Who wants to know?" With a sinking heart Nabiki
regarded the middle-aged man holding a huge bundle of flowers.
"You have a delivery from a Tatewaki Kuno. Sign here."
"RANMA!"
=================
Meanwhile on the outskirts of Tokyo, a pretty girl happily
scratched under her elephantine pets chin. "I wonder if I'll ever find
a
man strong enough to defeat you, Katsunishiki. This is a lot harder
than I thought it would be."
With a brave smile, Akari Unryu, climbed up on her pet's back.
"I'm sure it won't take much longer."
End Chapter 15.