��and you�re just like me, damnit! You�re cursed just like I am! There�s
something different about us that we had absolutely no say in or, have no
control over, and everyone thinks we�re bad cause of it or thinks less of us.�
She made a sweeping gesture with her had that threatened to clear the table.
�You�re the only person I�ve met who could possibly understand what it�s like
to have something incredibly valuable torn away from you an� you have to live
with it for the rest of your life! I bet you know exactly how I feel every
Up to here this speech worked for me. Even if it is perhaps a bit verbose for Ranma, he's
been doing alot of thinking lately though, so I suppose I can see it happening.
time I know someone is looking at me and they think I can�t tell! Those awful
sympathetic sighs that they think I can�t hear that make me want to scream,
you know about that right? And let me guess, you know exactly how my stomach
curls up whenever someone walks by me; trying to pretend nothing is wrong
but their gaze lingers just a little too long.(.). You know what I�m talking
Why in the world would they do this with Ranma? The only possible way someone could know
about his curse is if he told them, and he hasn't been with the Tendo's long enough for this
to really come out into the open (the sighing and pretenses on their part, not his curse). I
don't see them doing this anyway to tell the truth. I think you should probably change this,
either cut it or something else. Ranma's curse isn't something that would draw this kind of
attention. You might try changing it to something about being alone in a crowd, knowing
you're different from everyone else there and no one is likely to understand you if it did
come out. Maybe imagining the stares that would happen _if_ they knew. Akane could
sympathize with that as well since her own handicap isn't really obvious until someone talks
to her.
< Why didn�t anybody ever tell me of this hugging stuff before? Oh right, Pop
would consider this �unmanly�. Strike three Pop; manly or not I like it and
I�ll be damned if I listen to you again.
Stupid panda. >
I don't really see this happening quite this easily, for that matter I doubt Ranma would
really be that unaware of hugging, he lived with his mother for 5 years before he left, and
likely had others who liked him enough to hug him. The lady who snapped him out of the
neko-ken for example. This just seems to be a fairly spurious effort at driving a wedge
between Ranma and his father, it would take more than what's happened up to now to make Ranma
suddenly despise his father.
Ranma eyed the manager, for that was who stood before them, then, without
jostling her charge in the slightest, she swiveled in her seat. Raising her
legs she caught the weasly little man�s head in a vice like grip with her feet
then, with superhuman strength, lifted him off the ground. The tips of his
toes scuffled wildly off the floor, seeking some form of purchase but finding
none.
I can't quite picture this, Ranma-chan, rather short for a female, while sitting down manages
to lift the manager off the ground by the neck? I would think she would have trouble even
reaching his neck, not really as a matter of her martial arts skills but just a matter of how
long her legs are. Unless of course the manager is really short :) Maybe you could have her
push him to the ground and hold him there instead.
I think that�s the point isn�t it? Something changed, something critical and
this is the reflection of that change. Your opinions are just that though,
yours. And I would not begrudge anyone for having them. As yours are yours so
are mine my own. Mayhaps a few words on my part would clarify some things.
It would not be hard to convince a skeptic of the changes in Akane. After all
Just as a quick note I don't really see anything wrong with Akane's portrayal, aside from a
few of the odder leaps of logic into anger.
2. Ranma lost all respect for his father in the original COS because of
Genma�s ill chosen words. Instead of leaving that idea as a spur of the moment
This I don't see happening. Ranma might be angry with his father, he might ignore him for the
most part when he says something stupid but I don't think he's going to lose all respect for
his father over a few words. Not unless he tells him he's a sadistic murderer or something.
You actually confronted this a little bit earlier when Akane asked about Genma, Ranma said
there that he didn't really know anything about his father's past or why he would act like
this. Unless he _knows_ there is no reason whatsoever, and everything we do has some motive,
I don't think he's going to abandon his father.
obsessive, beserk, Akane-o-phile who insisnts, fanatically that Ranma and
Akane belong together, so ya� gotta expect SOME favoritism. (Which is
interesting because, despite my preference, I really enjoyed �Shampoo 1� and
�Thy Outward Part�.
Go figure.)
Favoritism, or the reverse, is hard to eliminate from your writing. I've had some trouble
with it myself, despite the rather limited amount of material I've written or maybe because of
that limited amount. Personally I think you can usually let the plot take care of the
characters you like. It's just a matter of making sure your like or dislike of the characters
doesn't infect the actual writing too much.
Good luck with the rest of this.
--
James M. Zema
http://gozips.uakron.edu/~zema/