Kichigai wrote:
And here it is, amazingly within the two week time-period I predicted
Ah, yes. Two week period. -_- Oh, well, you know what they say.
Better
late than never. Lets go for quality, not punctuality, ne?
That's my motto. Cut most of the grammar comments since I'l lbe using them.
was poised above the platform, shining unfiltered moonlight directly
through glass made of solid air, illuminating majestically the single
object that rested in the exact center of crystal dais.
Sheesh, the way you're describing it it sounds almost like that first
edition #1 X-men comic I saw once.
Heh.
It was an ancient
urn, unlike everything else in the room, haggard looking and worn. It had
a
sickly earthen color about it,
Considering the name, does it smell? Or is it so dried all trace of
scent
has fled?
Good question. I don't have an answer for you. Sorry. :)
and numerous small cracks lined nearly every
square centimeter of it. One of the handles near the top was cracked,
making holding the object by anything other than the bottom an
impossibility.
Superglue will fix that.
You can't use Superglue on ancient objects to repair them. It's just not
done. It's against tradition. They must remain as they are and not be
either fixed or used. It's the principle of the matter.
Basically, it looked like something shitty one's great-grandmother has
stored under five inches of dust in her attic which she won't let be throw
out because it has sentimental value, never mind the fact her memory is so
shot she doesn't remember where the damn thing came from in the first
place, just make sure to leave it right where it is.
And if you be nice and rub her corns, you'll get a shiny new WHOLE
quarter...
True. Better than a backrub from her though. >_<
And yes, it was the only thing that truly mattered in the room. The object
of three ninjas' quest and what their opposition sought to leave right
where it was.
The Sacred Urn of CaoPatty.
Aka, the Sacred Plot Element.
Plot? Not much of it here.
And it was at the center of the museum where things truly began.
Looks more like the beginning of the end.
That too.
Ranma ran into the room first, being chased by Ryouga who was accusing him
of being the only one around that could qualify as a "bimbo secretary."
Lesse here, big boobs, dense as hell, rude to others, and with his speed
his typing rate is probably ridiculous. Yeah, I'd say he classifies as a
bimbo secretary.
Ohh. Good point. An alternate career for Ranma that he's suited for that I
haven't seen done yet. :)
Kodachi, Ukyou, and Mai followed, actually getting along quite well with
one another.
Mai: Save me from the crazy chicks!
Of course, there is nothing but crazy chicks in this thing, including Mai.
Tai bounced into the room, constantly looking over her shoulder for any
sign of pursuit.
Ahhhh... You know, men would respect a woman's mind more if it bounced
gently as she walked.
Heh. My, how sexist. :)
Kunou and Mousse were actively chasing Konatsu, who was still successfully
fending off their mutual attacks.
If they worked as a team, it might would help.
But common sense is the one weapon which no Ranma 1/2 character has ever
wielded.
"Hey! We're missing someone," Ranma pointed out.
Well well, he misses her.
Ranma: Got to keep up my quota of women that are after me.
Shampoo was somewhere else in the building, cursing her lack of wind.
Should kiss Kuno, steal some of his wind. He's got to be the most long
winded of them all.
Cute.
It
really was her own fault. Lately, she had been taking it easy and eating
way too many Twinkies.
Are you sure she'd eat twinkies? I heard they put cats in those
things...
Shampoo: But the taste is too, too scrumptious.
Her pack a day cigarette habit hadn't helped things,
either.
Wait a minute here. Sure, I can see her being slow because of a
cigarette
habit, but not in this case. After all, Tai did just beat the tar out of
her. ^_^
Ouch! That was a bad one.
"Hey!" Ukyou exclaimed. "How can Mousse and Kunou be picking on Konatsu
when he's standing right next to me and Kodachi?"
Mai: *sweatdrop* Umm, you were hit on the head and you're seeing double?
Heh. I could see her trying to use that one, actually.
Mai turned in anger on Ukyou. "That's because I'm not Konatsu, you whiny,
screwed-up, cross-dressing, obsessed, little weirdo! God, if I have to
hear
another simpering complaint about your precious little 'Ranchan,' I am
going to hurl."
...a large knife in your direction."
Heh.
"Ukyou does not whine," Ranma protested.
Ouch. Heh heh.
Well, he is right.
"That's right. I don't..." The rest of the words died in Ukyou's mouth as
she shot Ranma a nasty look. "Hey! What about the rest of the stuff?"
"You're not little and I wouldn't personally describe you as a weirdo
either."
Wouldn'y deny it, but wouldn't use those terms myself.
Yep. Hence the qualifier.
"Let's see who this fake Konatsu really is." Kodachi moved forward and
ripped off the kunoichi's mask. "Look, it's the owner of the haunted
amusement park!" she gasped.
Rough! Rat's right, Rodachi!
So, ever planning to do that 'What if Ranma had fallen into the Spring of
Drowned Canine Detective?' fic. Can't be much worse than some of the other
ideas that have been tossed around. :)
Ukyou poked Mai in the chest. "But your chest is even flatter than
Konatsu's, and he's really a guy."
Well then why didn't they realize that before?
Because Konatsu looks more like a flat-chested girl than a guy. Mai looks
more like a guy than a flat-chested girl.
It was definitely fun using him in this. I'll have to try utilize him in
other fics later on.
Konatsu moved forward and joined in the poking. "Say, I think you're
right.
Isn't it possible you might have been raised by women and only taught to
think and act like a girl and you're really a guy?"
No, then she'd be a Ranma regular.
I like to think she's screwed up enough to actually blend into this crowd.
"Bloody bunch of weirdoes, you are," Mai said.
Oh, now she thinks she's that british ninja, whatsername. Psycloke or
something.
Actually Lizzy Braddock hasn't sounded British since the Captain Britain
title folded lo those many years ago. Always sounded American to me since
she popped up in X-Men.
supposed to be extinct for centuries. After hiding in caves for a year, we
escaped on a boat made up of nothing but coconuts and tied together with
our own body hair.
Too bad Giligan never thought of that. Wait, body hair? Not just hair?
No razors makes shaving legs difficult. :)
Eww, but I guess that would render the question of whether or not any of
them dye their hair moot. There'd be no way to tell.
All have black hair, actually.
We were about to drown at sea when we were picked up by
a weird-looking space ship that was made out of wood. We were supposed to
be transported safely to Japan, but our idiotic sister thought carving our
initials on the tree in the center of the ship was a good idea.
Which one was that?
Either Mai or Tai, since B.J. is relating the story.
The space
tree disagreed, and we were hurled bodily out of the ship somewhere over
France.
Cleverly exhaling all the air in our lungs and using our own eyelids as
parachutes, we were able to survive near vacuum and slow our reentry
enough
to survive the impact, which was luckily on the worlds largest wheel of
cheese.
Had that written out, but had to cut it as being too silly. :)
We survived by working with a troupe of circus midgets until we
stumbled onto a cave of time and were sent into the past. After many
adventures, we eventually made our way to ancient Japan and had ourselves
Ah, finally winding down. You can tell by the reduction of several
prehistoric setting B-movie plots into the term, many adventures.
Yep.
cryogenically frozen until we were revived several years ago." B.J. let
out
a long breath as she finished her tale.
Let out? What, was she doing that funny way of talking where you inhale
and speak that way? That's really hard, you should try it.
Probably change that to inhaled since she'll be out of breath by then.
As B.J. finished regaling the others with her tale, Shampoo at last burst
into the room, huffing and wheezing. After taking a moment to catch her
breath, and swearing to cut back to half a pack a day, she leveled her
bonbori at Tai. "There you are, Stupid Ninja Girl! Now Shampoo give you
Kiss of-"
french! *drool*
Hehehehe. Good one.
"Ahhhhh! Tai squealed at the top of her lungs. "It's the evil Amazon
lesbian, hunting me to ground at last. Oh woe is me. No doubt she has
already made insidious plans to chain me up and make me her sexual
plaything."
Sounds fun! Line starts behind me!
Given some of the stuff you've written, this behavior of yours does not
surprise me. :)
"Shampoo is not a lesbian!" the Amazon insisted.
Oh, now she's using is? Shampoo not lesbian!
She's bouncing back and forth with the language use.
"Liar!" Tai shot back. "The first thing you said when you came into the
room was that you were going to kiss me."
Shampoo: No, no! Slilly ninja girl not hear right! Shampoo say, Shampoo
_miss_ you if you no quit dodgeing blows!
Hehe. That would work too.
Shampoo suddenly looked a bit awkward. "Well, yes, Shampoo said she was
going to kiss you, but it not that kind of kiss. And Shampoo is not a
lesbian. Just ask all of Shampoo's friends."
"I always suspected you were perverse in that way," Kodachi said as she
leveled in accusatory finger at Shampoo.
Shampoo: Shampoo borrow that finger?
Kodachi: *gasp* Stay away, peasent!
Shampoo: Okay, was going to use whole bird, just use feather if crazy
girl
insist...
Heh.
Ukyou recoiled in horror. "Oh god! I've been in public baths with her
before. She was probably sizing me up and coming up with all sorts of lewd
thoughts about my nubile body."
Sounds like she knows just what kind of lewd thoughts lesbians think
about
other girls in the public baths.
No, no. Ukyou's straight here. Just crossdressing and latent sexual
tendencies towars anything.
Really.
"Ha!" Shampoo snorted. "Shampoo not think such things about Spatula Girl.
Besides, Akane have much better body than Ukyou, not that Shampoo notices
such things."
Shampoo need learn keep big mouth shut.
But that would take all of the fun out of things.
Mousse was at Shampoo's side in an instant. He fell to one knee and
grasped
her hand. "Oh, Shampoo. Now all of your rejections of me make sense at
last. Allow me to turn you aside from this deviant lifestyle. Please,
marry
me."
Shampoo: Shampoo not lesbian, but will learn.
Only under those circumstances would she finding that course of sexuality
acceptable.
"Fine," Mousse said from his position on the ground. "I'll just get some
Nyanniichuan and turn into a cute girl. That'll solve everything."
And then he'll be engaged to every girl under the sun, including Ranma
somehow.
Now that is a scary thought.
A flick of Tai's wrist and a chain appeared in her hand.
Shampoo: Oh, stupid ninja girl reconsider? All you need say is you want
be
on top.
heh.
She swung it
around once, then hurled it around Akane. One quick tug later, Akane found
herself hurled across the room and in front of Tai. "Here," Tai said as
she
thrust Akane before her. "Take this raging bull dyke instead. She'll make
you almost as happy as I could, if I was a lesbian."
For once, I'm on the same wavelength.
Only for once? :)
"I am not a bull dyke!" Akane shouted as she muscled her way out of the
chain.
Akane: I've never even been to Holland!
Somewhere in Jusenkyo, you just know there was a bull that got drowned
while carrying a dike or something. :)
Tai looked incredulously at Akane. "Oh, come off it. Just look at that
butch haircut and muscular build. You're practically screaming, 'I'm one
rugmuncher that can make your day, girly-girls, so drop your panties and
come get some'."
Tai is clearly in the closet. Otherwise she wouldn't be so insistent
that
all the girls around her want her nubile bod.
Oh, good lemon rationale.
Tai looked unconvinced. "Oh, really? I bet you took auto-shop in high
school."
Hey, I knew lots of girls that took that.
True. It's a stereotype thing.
"Only in my Freshman year, and that was because the home economics teacher
made me do it since I blew up a stove. Although I did enjoy the class and
got an A in it."
Akane: But I did it by letting that cute stud of a teacher 'tutor' me in
the back room, so THERE!
Someone has been reading 'Gratuity' I see.
"They were all just creepy boys."
"I see. Do you own any kd Lang CDs?"
*blearchgg*
Can't say I care much for any of her songs.
"Chris Davies and Jim Bader?"
"Literary gods."
Heh heh heh. You had that one planned for at least 100k, if not more.
Yep. Took a little poll on Newberry once to see who the most infamous
authors for writing those sorts of stories are, those two were at the top
of the list.
Oh,
yeah, nearly forgot. 4th wall break! DIE! Ahem.
But a subtle one. :)
"AH HA!" Tai pointed her finger right at Akane. "That proves it. You
couldn't be more of a lesbian than if you joined the LPGA Golf Tour."
Heh heh, what does the LPGA stand for? ^_^
Ladies Professional Golfing Assocation (or something similar). Derogatory
comments have been made implying some of the more famous members are that
way. Even had a joke about it in the second Austin Powers movie, if I
recall correctly.
"That proves nothing!" Akane shot back. "Just ask all of my friends."
Ah, yes, that proves something right there. She's an idiot.
Everyone is to varying degrees.
"I always suspected you were perverse in that way," Kodachi said as she
leveled in accusatory finger at Akane.
Nah, too easy.
Yep.
"Hey, Akane, I turn into a really attractive girl, so you still want to be
engaged to me, right?" Ranma asked, his sex appeal suddenly in jeopardy.
Cute.
There's a symmetry there. You just have to look for it. :)
"Ha!" Akane snorted. "I have never thought of you that way. Besides,
Shampoo has a much better body than you do, not that I've ever noticed
such
things."
Ah, I take it you've heard of Odd Outcome?
Wade Tritschler's fic with Akane and Shampoo having a tryst and the results
of that? Has been left in limbo since the fourth chapter or so?
No.
Kunou was at Akane's side in an instant. He fell to one knee and grasped
her hand. "Oh, Akane. Now I understand your resistance to my advances.
Allow me to turn you aside from this deviant lifestyle. Please, marry me."
Not even if you were the last woman on earth. Oops.
Heh, again.
"Fine," Kunou said from his position on the ground. "I'll just become gay.
Then we will be perfect for one another in our homosexuality."
Heh, still doesn't know about the curses.
Yep. Wouldn't work otherwise.
As the two began to discuss the merits of music, Tai, backed away from the
others and formed up with Mai, and B.J., forming the 'Three Sexy Ninja
Girls' Squad.
Crap, where's a shinma when you need one?
It wouldn't work. Tai would just wear it out all by herself.
"Sexy Ninja Girl Attack: Blinding Style!" The glare from the overhead
lights shone off the sequins of her outfit, reflecting the light a
hundredfold. It produced a bright glare, equivalent to a hundred kilowatt
lightbulb and blinding her opponents, causing them to all recoil from
their
sudden lack of sight.
100kw ain't much.
1000 then?
A hand smacked B.J. in the back of the head. "And us too, you nitwit! Next
time warn us when you're going to do that," Mai warned from behind as she
too could no longer see anything but a glare of white. Tai was no better
as
she began stumbling around, warning B.J. to protect her from the groping
hands of any rampaging lesbians.
Yeah, but their blind. When an anime character can't see, they always
get
a nice feel of someone's perky set. Hell, I'd walk around with a
blindfold
on 24/7 if I was an anime character.
In hindsight I overdid it and will actually cut some of those sorts of
lines since they are a bit distracting.
Mousse, though unable to see anything, was calmer than the others. "The
joke's on you, ninjettes. I'm used to not being able to see clearly. Now
prepare to pay for your foolish attack!" A throwing club was brought out
>from the folds of his robes. He drew back, blindly smacking Ranma in the
head with it, before releasing the club in the direction of where he
thought his opponents should be.
Once again, hitting Ranma. Old habits die hard.
Actually he is rarely successful when he tries to hit Ranma. Ironic here
that Mousse hits him when he isn't trying.
Both Mai and Ranma, who had wandered around until they nearly bumped each
other, recovered their vision at about the same time. They noticed their
respective allies start to delve deeply into a conversation about Mousse's
fashion. They looked at each other, nodded, then approached their
respective partners.
Ah, foreshadowing Mai's eventual attachment.
Nah. Just each person acting as the 'leaders' of their group.
"Do me a favor. I have to continue reprimanding my sister here, so could
you hold this candle for a moment." Mai handed Ranma a long red object
with
a burning string on the end. He accepted it, and she hurriedly backed away
>from him.
Acme.
Yep.
Ranma examined the red object more closely. The wick on it was pretty
long,
and it seemed to be giving out a tremendous amount of sparks, but at the
current rate of movement of the flame on the wick it wouldn't take long
for
it to reach the candle.
Better put it out then, save it for later.
Heh. If Kasumi had been handed it, she would have done that.
Ranma was left lying flat on his back as the battle was truly joined.
According to most lemons and many non lemon fics, he spends most of his
time in that position anyway.
True.
Ryouga moved in to help Akane. Tai saw this and said, "Hey, Hanger. Play
your cards right and you might get some of this later." She did a leap
kick
in the air towards him.
Flying underwear-peek KICK!
Actually a good battle cry for that attack. Might steal that from you if
it's okay.
Tai landed next to his unconscious form. "That's the first time I knocked
out someone without kicking them. Hmm." She took a closer look at Ryouga,
A
wicked grin spread across her face as she pulled out a length of steel
cable, flipped Ryouga onto his stomach, then proceeded to hog tie his arms
She doesn't know how appropriate that is.
Hadn't even realized it. Good point.
"Keep away, Bull Dyke," Tai warned. "I'm only interested in guys,
especially strapping young men like this one." Her hand drifted towards
the
area of Ryouga's groin. "Here, let me show you how straight I am by
demonstrating what I like to do with a hanging hunk of studmuffin like
this." Tai undid the drawstring on Ryouga's pants and pulled them down to
his knees.
Akane: Oh my god! I've been missing this? That's it! I'm burning my kd
Lang Cds tomorrow! Heterosexuality, here I come!
Hehehehehe. Very nice.
But since this isn't a lemon, Tai does not get to perform her little
'demonstration.'
Okay, who do I bug about the side-story? And, 4th wall break, booo.
True. This is another intrusive one.
Enough people bugged me that I will probably write a 'very non-official'
lemon version from certain events in this. Not going to post it since it'll
be too pointless. I'll send it to you once it's done. Anyone else that
would want to read a pointless lemon let me know and I can send it to them
too.
Ukyou's series of attacks had at last made B.J. zig when she should have
zagged. The kunoichi found herself before Kunou, his bokken drawn back as
he prepared to strike her. Thinking fast, she quickly spun halfway around,
hiding her front from Kunou. Just as his bokken began to swing downward,
B.J. turned back around. "You wouldn't hit a pregnant ninja with glasses,
would you?"
Ukyo thought quickly. "Kuno! It's Ranma's!"
"IT MUST DIE!"
I can see that working. Luckily Ukyou's isn't that quick on the uptake.
Shampoo A moved closer to Mousse, running a finger under his jaw.
"Handsome
Mousse know who real Shampoo is. All he have to do is look into heart."
He's looking at the right spot, but I don't think it's her heart he's
looking at.
Her feet. Yep.
"Shampoo know stupid Mousse no fall for such transparent trick," Shampoo B
snapped back.
Hah! Show what Shampoo know!
Sadly, yep.
Shampoo A grabbed Mousse by the sides of his head and buried his face in
her chest. "Shampoo know Mousse is only one for her. Shampoo love Mousse
too, too much." She pried his face out of her cleavage and looked him in
the eye. "You show Shampoo how loyal you are. You beat up evil
impersonator, then you get real Shampoo all to yourself."
Mousse: *shrug* Yeah, I know, but she still looks like her, and if I get
some... *shrug* Die, false Shampoo!
Pretty much.
Shampoo B shook her head sadly. There was no way even that idiot would
mistake such melodramatic, saccharine sweet talk from an obvious impostor.
Mousse had grown up with her all of her life, had lived under the same
roof
with her for a year. Any half-wit moron would clearly be able to see the
difference between the two.
Ah, there's the problem. Mousse isn't just _any_ half wit moron.
True. He's arguably the most obsessive one in the group.
"I don't care!" Mousse shouted back, nearly weeping with joy. "I want that
Shampoo for my own. And if she says I have to beat you up to get her, then
so be it." A series of chains shot forth from Mousse's sleeves.
He's deluded, but at some level, he realises it. You know, at this exact
point, Mousse may well be the sanest Ranma regular here.
But since it's an insane world he lives in, sanity does not serve him well.
"Aiya!" The real Shampoo shouted out in dismay. Mousse was serious this
time. Thinking fast, she grabbed the nearest thing that could shield her
>from the incoming projectiles.
What, her panties? They're pretty close. Panty shield!
Shampoo: Silly Kichigai. Shampoo no wear panties.
Shampoo grabbed the just recovering Ranma from his position behind her and
held him before her like a shield. The chains, and the blunt objects
attached to them, hit Ranma squarely, blocking Shampoo from the attack.
Once the volley was over, Shampoo gave Ranma a powerful glomp. "Ranma is
so
heroic to save Shampoo from attack."
Thus forcing all of the air out of already puntured lungs...
Made sure to mention they were all blunt weapons, for a change. Even in his
current state of mind he isn't going to kill any Shampoos.
Akane stomped over to Shampoo. "How dare you use Ranma to protect you like
that."
Akane: He was supposed to be protecting me!
It does seem to be his job at times.
Shampoo tossed Ranma to the side. "Okay. Shampoo use Akane as shield this
time."
Hey, if it looks like a brick, is built like a brick, and swims like a
brick, make a wall out of it.
Oh, that was evil. Amusing, but evil.
Shampoo A, B.J. Shampoo, moved closer to Mousse's side. "No worry any
more,
Shampoo A, K.A. B.J. Shampoo,
Yep, you do have to be paying close attention.
Mousse. Now Shampoo finish off these two jerks." B.J. Shampoo unlimbered
'Pigsticker II' from its sheath and took a swing at the unconscious Akane
I've been meaning to ask, what happened to Pigsticker I?
Well, the first one was such a success, this is the sequal.
Oh, no wait, I
know. It's still attached to Ryoga, at least until Tai is through with
him.
To borrow Harnum's oftused phrase against me:
Bad author! No biscuit.
"I knew it all the time," Kodachi said confidently from her position next
to Ukyou.
Yeah, and she'll say the same thing when she finds out Ranma changes sex.
Obviously. :)
Mai looked in surprise at the medicine ball that had seemed to appear from
behind Kodachi's back. "Ah, sure." She accepted the ball and began to walk
away. What a bizarre girl. Well, soon to be fried bizarre girl, as all Mai
needed to do now was throw the switch to the power box the cable was
connected to. Then the leotard-clad girl would be exposed to ten thousand
volts of electricity, eliminating her from the fight. Mai had to laugh to
herself. Sometimes it was too eas-
Yep.
Of course. Mai had it too easy up to that point.
Ten thousand volts of electricity went through both Kodachi and Ukyou,
knocking them both to the ground.
How many amps?
Someone mentioned how many I should have said. After all, it's the amps
that get you. I do need the amount it takes to usually kill a human in the
next fic I'm working on though.
"Well, that was easy. All we need to do now is take care of the lesbians
and we can-" Deeply ingrained ninja instincts took over as Tai barely
dodged out of the way of a series of throwing knives that arced through
the
air towards her. They flew past her, burying themselves in the power box
where she had been a moment before. Turning, she found herself confronted
by another ninja.
Tai: Mai, what did you do that for?
Heh. That sort of thing would be useful in a sequal, not that I plan to do
one, mind you.
"Indeed." Konatsu said, mirroring her positioning.
her position. The mirror, cunningly aligned, reflected the light into
Tai's eyes and left her vulnerable for the attack.
Yeah, she primped her hair out of reflex, leaving herself open to an
attack.
certain her skirt flew high up her waist as she brought her right foot
forward, preparing to deliver it to the openly gawking face of her
opponent.
Nope, sorry, he only gets turned on by men's boxers on a girl.
Hey. Ukyou and Konatsu make a cute couple. Just ask Mike Rhea.
Except he wasn't openly gawking.
With preternatural speed, Konatsu twisted and grabbed Tai's ankle in
mid-kick and hurled her powerfully into the ground. Slowly, Tai got up,
staring at him in open disbelief. "How? How could you be unaffected by the
power of my revealing leap kick? Are you gay?"
Tai: If any more homosexuals show up we're going to have to have a pride
march!
Heh.
Tai's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I see. Then that leaves me with only
one choice. Sexy Ninja Girl Final Attack: Nutcracker Suite!"
Suite? ???
Music composed by Tchaikovsky for 'The Nutcracker', Tai's using it for her
attack. You'd recognize the music if you heard it.
Konatsu gave her a curious look. "What sort of attack is thACK?!"
My god, how dumb can one man be? The gist would be obvious even if you
didn't speak the language!
He's led a sheltered life, remember.
Yeah. That works as a good excuse.
"Thanks," Konatsu said through gritted teeth. "Allow me to return the
favor. Konatsu's Super Secret Sneaky Ninja Attack: The Titty Twist!"
Konatsu's hands shot forward, firmly grasping Tai's twin mounds. He
twisted
them hard enough to nearly make a full revolution with his wrists.
Damn, that I gotta see.
Sorry. Not one lick of artistic skill.
"I'd have never fallen for that attack," Mai's singe-covered form moaned
>from her position close by.
Gee, I wonder why?
"Not have... enough chest... for it... to work... either," Tai gasped out
as she continued writhing in pain.
That could be it.
Yep.
Shampoo saw the impostor draw back her two-handed sword. It reached high
into the air, like a giant finger of death, as it was carefully lined up
on
Shampoo and primed for the kill. It looked like it was really the end.
Nah, couldn't be. My scroll bar has 2 inches left.
Rest could be a long winded epilogue and author's notes, you know.
But the
thing Shampoo regretted most of all was that Akane wasn't thick enough to
possibly block the incoming blow from the sword and buy her time to
escape.
Should have fed those twinkies to Akane instead.
Heh.
could shield her from such a huge blade. Her eyes fell upon the object; it
appeared to be an elaborately jeweled jade spider. It contained enough
precious stones to buy Shampoo's village, but she would have traded them
all in for a sword to block the blow from 'Pigsticker II'.
When all else fails, throw something.
Or squeeze.
Shampoo stared in wide-eyed wonder at the scene, then turned the spider
around in her hand so that it was facing her. There was no way all of that
silk could possibly have fit in such a tiny object. Truly it was an
amazing
magical device. She must have accidentally triggered it by squeezing.
Or pissed it off, one.
That too.
rest of the spider. A tiny drop of green ichor fell from one of the
needles
and struck the floor. The instant the drop made contact with the marble,
the stone sizzled and bubbled, a small, acrid column of smoke rising. As
the tiny cloud cleared, Shampoo could see a hole cleanly eaten though the
marble.
Shouldn't it be going after Mousse and B.J.? It webbed them first.
Nah. Shampoo fondled it. It wants her and Akane dead first.
...silence, as a black slipper stepped right on the spider, shattering it
into a thousand tiny green fragments.
No goo?
Nope. Soft parts were actually magic and it reverted to what it was really
made of after it was destroyed.
"Oh, airen," Shampoo sighed. Ranma had gone to all of that trouble just to
save her.
He stepped on a bug. Yeah, he really went out of his way.
Hey, she'll grab onto anything to convince herself he thinks she's the one
for him.
Ranma made sure not to touch the webbing as he tried to visually examine
the bundle in Shampoo's arms. "I got to admit, Shampoo, it took guts
risking yourself like that to keep them from hurting Akane. I know she
ain't light, and she must have slowed you down a lot. That was real nice
of
you."
Shampoo: Sure, uh, no problem.
Ranma: I realize now that the two of you really love each other, and even
though I'm much sexier as a girl you've each made your choice. You two
have
a happy life and I'll go marry Ukyo.
Heh. That would have been good for a 'cut' scene of the way things went.
"What's wrong? Ranma asked.
"Akane breaking... Shampoo's back," she gasped out.
Ranma: Strong ain't she?
Heh.
part. If you get caught off-guard like that, it all gets pushed out of
your
lungs and then you can't breath any more for the duration of the glomp."
He's made a detailed study.
Yep. Been on the receiving end of enough of them.
She
tried to get up, but realized she was immobilized by something all around
her and that she was in someone's embrace. "Hey! What's going on?"
Shampoo: Don't you remember, sugarbun-girl? Got really drunk at wedding
and lost the key to the handcuffs?
And then Akane promptly ignores all laws of physics and jumps away,
ripping
the web off.
Hehehe. yeah, a quick way to get out of the web, all right.
"Don't remind me. Let me try to move around here." Akane shifted slightly.
"Yuck. This webbing is pretty tight and really moist."
Shampoo: *sultry grin* So is Shampoo...
"*Gasp* Akane, that not *Gasp* webbing you fingers *Gasp* in right now."
"It's not? Then what is... AHHHH!"
Shampoo: For non-lesbian, you sure good with fingers!
I'm surprised by the number of people that don't realize that Akane is
merely sticking her finger in Shampoo's ear (the sticky stuff is built up
ear wax). There's nothing sexual meant to be there. You're all a bunch of
pervs. it's just an innoscent passage.
Really. I wouldn't lie to you.
Really.
Ranma began increasing the rate of his search.
Proof that he is indeed gay. I'd pull up a lounge chair and crack open a
beer.
Obviously you'd make a poor anime guy. You're not supposed to go after the
women directly. You beat around the bush for a hundred episodes until you
sort of make the first move, which isn't really a first move, just a weak
suggestion that looks like a first move since you haven't done anything
else and the girl is getting desperate by now.
"I see things couldn't have turned out better if I had planned them this
way from the beginning." A voice boomed from one of the connecting
passageways; the one that none of the others had entered from.
4th wall break! DB, if you're going to put in comments like this, you
should at least save them for the author's rant at the end. ^_^
heh
"Of course he's behind this!" Ranma snapped. "He's the owner of this
museum. He's the one that requested out presence in the first place. It
only makes sense that he'd be here."
Yeah, really.
One of the few times Ranma is completely correct.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ranma asked as a terrible foreboding, like
the one he usually got when a new fiancee came to town, began to creep up
on him.
He quickly turned to see Mai hide a weighted net behind her back.
hehehehe. Now that would be foreshadowing.
"Not much," said the well-dressed man as he casually ran his finger along
one of the exhibits.
Which squealed and giggled nervously.
Not all that far-fetched in this piece.
"Just that now that you've worn each other out, and
it's almost midnight, I shall be taking over the world the world shortly."
Narf!
He's more 'Brain' type than 'Pinky.' That role falls to Kunou.
"Ohh, I just knew it," Mai shouted as she finally got to her feet. "Let me
guess. Through magic, you've remodeled this whole building into a magical
focus, going so far as to collect every evil magical item you can find and
replacing the real museum pieces with them, so that you use their
collective energy to summon some sort of massive power to reshape the
world
in the image you want. Right?"
Takayami held up a can of sprite. "Image is nothing. Thirst is
everything." Seeing their looks, he defended himself. "Hey, taking over
the world is expensive, you wouldn't believe the workman's comp rates on
evil minons nowdays."
Got to be the silliest ads I've seen in a while.
"Well, yes," Takayami said hesitantly.
"I bet you screwed up the parking too."
"Guilty."
Everyone: DIE!
Soon they'll try it. They aren't that tweaked off since none of them know
how to drive a car.
"That is soooo clich� it makes me want to barf. That is the plot of just
about every single large scale powerful magic-involved plan there is." She
made a frightening face. "I'll collect all of this energy and make myself
ultra-mighty. Ohh, scary, " Mai complained as she held her hands up in
frustration.
No matter how tempting limitless power is, I will never consume any
energy
field bigger than my head.
Words to live by.
Takayami went from being caught off-guard to unleashing a whiplash smile
towards the girl. "Tell me, young lady, would it be clich� for me, the
villainous mastermind in this little scheme, to use my power to hurl you
into the wall hard enough to make you nothing more than a bloody smear?"
*sweatdrop* Umm, yes?
That would have been the smart answer, and therefore the inappropriate one.
Then world went topsy-turvy as Mai felt a heavy object strike her in the
side and knock her out of the way of the incoming distortion wave. As she
fell to the ground, she saw the ripples touch the wall, shattering
hardened
marble into dust instantaneously. Oh yes. That would have hurt big time.
Nah, would have been to quick.
But for how long it lasted it would have hurt.
"Thank god," Ranma said as his heart started beating once again. "For a
second there I was afraid you'd... what do you mean I'm not attractive or
charming?"
Heh, cute.
The most vulnerable thing about Ranma is his ego.
"That's amazing," Ryouga gasped from his hog-tied position on the floor.
"Are you sure you've never met Ranma before?"
Mai: Yeah, once, a long time ago. His father engaged him to me.
Heh. That would work too.
"Hey, could someone cut my bonds loose? I'm sort of too tied up to break
out of this," Ryouga protested.
That'll learn ya. Save the B&D for after the battle. Or the dungeon
scene, whichever comes first.
dungeon scene?
Akane cut him off by shouting, "There's no time for this! We have to stop
this guy."
In the name of love.
We've already gone over what I think of Sailor Akane in the first part.
Combined at the same moment and at the same target, they hit with enough
force to sink a small cruiser.
Unfortunately, Takayami was built like a heavy cruiser.
More lack the Mack Daddy of Battleships.
"Absolutely pitiful," Takayami said as he looked over the stunned group of
martial artists. The walls themselves seemed to come alive as sections of
it took on a serpentine shape and wrapped themselves around the arms and
legs of all of the fallen foes. They were hoisted up flat on the wall,
spread-eagled like some sort of trophies. Struggling was useless in the
hands of the marble bonds as they refused to give in the slightest.
The girls just couldn't keep their legs together, eh?
Bad author! Still no biscuit.
"You forgot about one little detail, buddy."
Takayami turned to look at the speaker. "Ah, that's right. You held back.
So, the supposed best has been saved for last, is that it?"
Instead of adding his power to the combined where it probably would have
been enough, the idiot holds back and is useless.
Nah. It's supposed to fall to Ranma to save the day. It just wouldn't be
kosher for him to help the others against an opponent they're going to lose
against.
Ranma, impatient with the author's long, drawn out imagery, released his
blast at his foe.
Using godlike powers, the author dodges and destroys him with a glance
before going off to nail Nabiki.
Nah. Not Nabby. Kaori Daikoku baby, all the way. :)
Power enough to destroy Saffron twice over was hurled in a two foot
diameter beam of energy that flew from Ranma's hands and struck his
opponent dead center. For a moment, all was lost as the brilliant beam of
coruscating light blinded everyone for several seconds. Slowly, as vision
Coruscating? Ain't saw that word in a long time.
Seen it several times of late. Probably why I used it.
A hair had fallen out of place on Takayami's scalp.
"Pussy," the museum owner said flatly.
Ranma: AHHH! WHERE?
Heh.
For this first time in his life, Ranma's confidence was shattered. He had
wielded forces nearly beyond his imagination and all he had done was blast
his opponent's hair out of place. And only one strand at that. He couldn't
even have claimed to have made the guy flinch. There was only one option
left to Ranma. An attack he had never dared use before, but then, he had
never found himself pressed into so desperate a situation.
What, he uses the Saotome final attack frequently.
Not that one.
It was time for The Fierce Crouching Tiger Attack.
This one. One of Genny's favorites.
Everyone, even Kunou, looked in shock at Ranma's groveling form. Akane was
the first to who found the ability to speak. "What do you think you're
doing?"
Ranma: Saving my ass.
Takayami: Speaking of which...
Ranma: Ohell.
Heh.
"Because you can't," Kodachi answered before Ukyou could. "You're supposed
to fight to the death rather than give up. That's one of the things we've
found so appealing about you; your persistence. Even your enemies respect
that."
Ryoga: Actually, it's kind of annoying.
Mousse nods.
And even Kunou agreed.
"In magically gathering all of
the evil enchanted items here, and reconstructing the museum so that the
power could be properly collected, my inherent abilities were completely
drained. I was essentially helpless. It was only in the last hour or so
that my powers returned. Before that, any one of you could have defeated
me
quite easily. But now, I am invincible. And in the next five minutes, I
shall be remaking the world."
I am INVINCIBLE!
You're a loony.
heh. Got to watch the MP and the Holy Grail again soon.
"Oh, you're right, Ranma. I hadn't even thought about that," Akane said
>from her position, hanging on the wall.
"Don't be na�ve. My whole plan hinges on this. Don't you'd think I would
Hey, how do you do the little umlaut thingy over the I?
Spellcheck puts it in when it 'corrects' the word.
know when a total eclipse-"
"No," Kodachi said. "Ranma-sama is correct. One of my science teachers
mentioned that we might want to stay up late and watch the eclipse on the
twenty-seventh. Not the twenty-sixth."
"Liar."
"My sister speaks the truth," Kunou insisted. "It is on the
twenty-seventh."
He probably believes it.
Yep.
"But-"
"No buts, sugar."
The sign says no smoking, and it means no smoking.
Pretty much.
Takayami once the demon had dropped the protective field around the urn.
The others had been smart enough to play along with the trick as well.
"Actually, I sincerely believed it was the twenty-sixth," Kunou pointed
out.
Thought so. Heh.
And you were right.
"How about bigger tits?"
Lina would jump at the chance.
One big difference between Mai and Lina is that Mai thinks there is nothing
wrong with her chest and that it is the world that is wrong for putting her
down about it.
With his anchor to the mortal world destroyed, the demon inside Takayami
began to flow out of its host, appearing to the others as a fine mist that
dissipated through the man's pores.
Heh heh. This time they can't say that beating the horrible evil demon
was
no sweat.
Ouch.
With the demon gone, the walls and dais reverted back to normal, releasing
all of the prisoners. Everyone began rubbing their arms and legs, trying
to
get the circulation flowing through their limbs again.
Akane and Shampoo helped each other.
Can't get that pairing out of your mind, eh?
Ranma decided to break things gently to the man. "You were possessed by a
demon that wanted to rule the world. He warped your museum into a
reflection of his own perverse desires and replaced most of your exhibits
with evil cursed objects. Oh yeah, he ruined your parking lots too."
Yep. Nice and gentle.
About as gentle as asking your cellmate to pick up the soap for you.
That's Ranma for you. Living icon of tact.
Takayami looked at Ranma in shock. Once his mind processed the
information,
he calmed visibly. "I was planning to get the place remodeled, the
exhibits
were pretty standard and boring, and I did need a vacation. I guess I came
out ahead when you stop and think about it. Too bad about the parking
through. I suppose I should rename this, 'The Nerima Cursed Museum of
History', now."
Cursed Nerima is what I think you ment, but I'm sure it's appropritate
either way. If I lived in the neighborhood I'd curse it.
Heh. I think the my way works better.
Ranma snapped his fingers. "Shoot. I was going to take her out on a date
to
show her I ain't cheap."
Mallet him.
Nah. Why waist time with a mallet when there are other more powerful
magical objects around?
Tai gave her burden, the bound and gagged, Ryouga, a sexy look then
primped
her hair. "I'm going to show the stud some of my more flexible techniques,
as well as my ability to dislocate my jaw at will." She gave a girlish
giggle in Ryouga's direction.
She spent time as a sword swallower in India, once.
Yeah. She's good at swallowing swords. :)
"Silly boy," Tai cooed soothingly as she ran a finger gently along his
jaw.
"I'm not looking for some deep relationship. I'm just going to use you for
sex." She replaced the gag in his mouth to muffle his cry of anguish.
That's not anguish...
It is if you're only interested in a deep, meaningful relationship with a
girl.
Never, ever comment on the situation. It always gets worse.
*Glomp*
Like that.
Exactly.
"Changing your voice can't change the person you are inside. I know you're
my Shampoo. And I know you love me just as much as I love you," Mousse
assured her.
Heh heh.
Well, it is a noble idea.
"No, no!" B.J. protested, nearly in tears. "I'm not an Amazon lesbian. I'm
really a kunoichi named Bobbie Joe Hashimoto." She turned to her sisters.
"Tell him."
Mai and Tai looked at each other, then shrugged.
"Of course you're Shampoo," Mai said.
"And I might I add, Mr. Mousse, that you are all she talks about," Tai
added.
Heh heh heh. Loving family.
Very.
And if Mai decided she did like him, well, heh, heh, she'd find ways to
extract the toll from his body.
Yeah. Figured that.
So has she. Could do both though, depending on her mood.
Either way, Mai Hashimoto would come out a winner.
Either way, Mai Hashimoto would come out with a weiner.
Only if she ends up getting splashed with Nanniichuan water once she goes
to China. :)
As Ranma continued running through the halls, resisting the overwhelming
urge to cry, he came to the conclusion that there was at least one
constant
in the universe.
I've never understood that. How can you resist an overwhelming urge?
Shouldn't it be nearly overwhelming?
Good point.
Epilogue
"What do you mean we don't graduate?"
You brought it back in peices.
Correct.
"But if we hadn't destroyed it, a demon would have taken over the world.
We
couldn't let that happen. We wouldn't have graduated under those
circumstances either," Mai pointed out.
"Which is why I'm not failing you outright," Takao reluctantly admitted.
I would have.
No. He is trying to be fair... sort of.
Tai was looking in a mirror and applying some make-up as she asked, "So
what exactly are these magic items we're supposed to recover?"
Shouldn't she be grinning? She's had time to play with her new pet by
now,
surely.
I left it ambiguous since Ryouga might have escaped before being used as a
giant sex toy.
"A magic ladle and pot. Their names are Chiisuiton and Kiifuiton, to be
specific," Takao explained. "They are currently in the possession of a
group calling itself the Musk Dynasty. You are to infiltrate their
fortress, retrieve the items, and return them to me."
See how long Mai likes Ranma when he's a girl.
She's the sort that would see past the curse to the guy inside.
Oh look, our sister is a lesbian. Damn those Nerimans, they rubbed off.
Heh. Now that would work.
began crying and proceeded to slam his own head into the desk until he
joined them in unconsciousness as well.
When in doubt, go to sleep.
I know I do it all the time.
Sometimes, it's never the end.
^_^
Oh, sure it is. This is the end of the running C&C.
Well, okay. I concede that point.
And Gary Kleppe, who is responsible for every use of the word 'ninjettes'
in this fic.
Ninjettes sounds like an 80's girl band.
Probably was. There were enough of them around at the time.
Anyway, I can't say I liked this
one as much as Vacation Days.
It's sort of like comparing apples and oranges. VD was a serious story with
lots of humorous elements. TWHN is only meant to be silly. I try to write a
variety of things instead of just one type of fic. As you might suspect, I
have varying degrees of success with the various projects. Personally I
preferred VD too: I think it's a better story.
At least, not and still be telling the truth.
But I still enjoyed it. I actually laughed aloud several times.
That's all it was meant to do. Nothing deep or serious here. Just meant to
be fun.
And thanks
for providing me with such wonderful material to make cracks with. What's
next on the agenda? Maybe a little Nuku Nuku?
Nope. 'After the Flesh' is something I'm not going to expand on until I
feel up to doing it from start to finish. As it is, it can still stand as a
one shot single story. Once i expand on it, it would need to be finished.
Next up is (most likely) going to be a Dirty Pair fic which crossover with
another anime, one that I haven't seen anything written of yet (but I think
I've got a good basis for crossing them over, and have worked out the bugs
between them). First time writing the DP, so hopefully it'll be okay. Got
the first third of the chapter or so done.
Now, it's off to more C&C. I've got a backlog like you wouldn't believe.
I know the feeling. I'm going to try to finish the TWHN omake and then cut
through some of the backlog while writing the DP fic. Try to do that lemon
in there too since it shouldn't be long.
Thanks again for going over all of these chapters so thoroughly. I always
looked forward to seeing your comments about this work.
D.B. Sommer