"D.F. Roeder" wrote:
First Knight 5: The Strongest Woman
Well, I begged and pleaded for more of this. Now, Donny, since
you've done this, I only have one thing to say... MORE!!! :)
Right, I'll get to it. It only took me nearly a year since the last one
^_^; Will be faster by maybe a whole day for the next one even!
Chun Li panted
AND I MISSED IT?!?! ... Oh, not all of the sentence, huh? :P
Yeah :P
Chun Li paused in her tracks as a blur zipped past her.
Feeling a sudden draft, she looked inside her shirt and gasped. "MY BRA!!"
"SWEETO!! I just LOOOVE female practitioners of The Art!! HOTCHAAAAA!!!"
"..."
You're assuming she wears one.
And the
old woman was handing the boy quite a beating.
RANMA: Brother, does this bring back memories!
:j
past the other 4
Suggest spelling out "four". I think the rule-of-thumb is to spell
out numbers under one-hundred and use arabic numerals for numbers
one-hundred and above. Someone correct me on this if I'm wrong.
Ah, should have spelled it out as that'd be consistent with how I used
numbers in other chapters.
and while he was momentarily stopped, she flipped onto her
hands and pushed off the ground, immediately twisting her legs. The
spinning her legs sliced into his stomach
This bit is confused, but I'm not sure what you wanted.
Was trying to describe the spinning bird kick. This along with most of
the stuff Chun Li does is probably meaningless to those that haven't
played her.
Not only in helping him recover enough to win, but also in
affecting an opponent's mind. It was psychologically draining to fight
a person that never stayed down.
Suggest: It was psychologically draining to fight an opponent that
never stayed put; it not only helped the other to recover, it also
affected one's mind.
Hmm, I think I'll need to reword the whole thing. I meant that it was
draining to fight a person that kept getting back up no matter how many
times your opponent down.
The End. (maybe)
And so we end with the classic DC quasi-promise... :)
^_^
Okay. So now, MORE!!! :P
Hope this helps.
Very much, despite being the longest one so far, I had the least number
or comments or disagreements with the C&C. Thank you! :P
Ja ne!
Dave