Ah, another not too long one:
This is part of my Life and Times crossover series. This is the fifth
chapter to the First Knight arc.
L+T, the fic that never ends. ^_^
C & C welcomed.
First Knight 5: The Strongest Woman
"Stupid Old Ghoul," Ranma mumbled under his breath.
"Another hour," Genkai commanded,
Oops. Forgot who Ranma was training with, it's been so long. You might want
to consider a forward at the start to refresh out memories as to what
happened last chapter. No need to put it on your page, since all the
chapters will be next to one another, but here it would be most useful.
Ranma complained, but he did not stop the training. His
finger was seriously starting to go numb on him.
"Then your father did a good job.
Heh. About the only time you'll hear anyone say something nice about Genny.
By balancing your entire body
on your single finger's emission of chi, you're being forced to focus.
Genkai: Well, that and it makes you look silly. That makes me laugh, which
I don't do enough of. So continue your 'training' and don't mind me
chuckling.
Focus is something you lack."
"Does it have to be on a needle?
Heh. Nice
And I am focused," Ranma
muttered, as
not sure if you need the comma there.
Ranma grinned confidently at the easy task before him.
He's just asking for it here.
He was
going to feel great and forget the soreness of his arm
You said 'arms' earlier. Which is it?
when he wiped
that smug look off of her
You can drop the 'of'
Genkai looked on as a large ball shot out from Ranma's hands and
destroyed all existence of the candle on her desk, dimming the room
further. "I see I proved my point. Get yourself back to finger
standing on that needle."
Hehehe. Yep.
Seeing Ranma unable to answer, she pressed on. "While it was a
stroke of genius to come up with an attack that suited you better than
the Shi Shi Hokodan, the move itself is stupid and useless. Your
emotion and chi reserves are depleted every time you use it, lowering
your confidence and your energy. The Shi Shi Hokodan takes advantage
of these two points. Emotional draining and tiredness
'exhaustion' might be a better word there.
uncontrollably. To fully use this small advantage you will have to
learn how to control the degree of chi you fire out."
'chi you expend.' sounds better to me, but that might just be a style
thing.
As much as Ranma hated to learn how badly constructed the move he
had devised was, he couldn't deny Genkai's analysis of it. Against a
fighter of Yusuke's caliber, a waste of a chi blast like the one he did
on the candle could mean the match at the tournament. He sighed as he
trudged back to the needle, he
needle. He
could feel his inner reserves drained
slightly already because of that blast, which meant the next hour was
going to a very long one. He definitely could not waste his energy
like that again.
Ranma: Ah! A spider! Moko Takabisha!
Genkai: Some people never learn.
* * * * *
Chun Li panted
Just like her fan-boys would do around her.
and was forced to stop on the steps that lead up
'led' (I think)
hands and tried dispelling the nightmares away with sheer force of
will. However, it was not enough to prepare her for the final image of
Vega's face looming over her, nor the feeling of his lips pressed
against hers or her ardent response to it.
Shoot. When one is only familiar with the SF V series, it's hard to
reconcile some images. :)
As quickly as the memory
reared itself at her, the images were replaces
replaced
with a plain face that
was comically serious
'comically serious'? Is that an oxymoron?
her up from her nightmare. She didn't know how she could tell this,
but in her heart she knew that it was true. She shook her head and
once again felt the memories of her past start to drift away and she
gave no effort at trying to grasp at them.
More was the pity, since the cure for cancer she had stumbled upon was in
there as well.
Slowly she got up and
looked up
Two 'up's close together. Might want to rephrase as:
'Slowly she returned to her feet and looked up...'
the stairs, towards the temple. The man named Ranma would
lead her to some answers. He _had to_ or
Recommend _had_ to
Chun Li paused in her tracks as a blur zipped past her.
Drop that 'her'
A second blur soon followed the first, colliding with
it. With
Recommend 'When' instead of 'With'
"Hello, my name Is Chun Li. Is this the residence of one Saotome
Ranma? I want to have a match with him."
Ranma: I don't need no girls trying to match up with me since I already got
half the chicks in universe lusting after me, or will eventually.
out of their teens. They did not however shoot past the other 4 levels
with just one fight against a level E opponent. She had expected to
find some grand master that had been around for awhile
a while (I think)
"No, he'll be just as tired tomorrow," Genkai answered for Ranma.
Ranma winced. The old ghoul intended to keep him in a constant
state of tiredness.
Again I think 'exhaustion' works better.
Yukina was worried as she and Genkai watched. "Is it really
okay? Ranma-kun had
'has'
A
normal fighter must rest every once in a while because the body
improves and grows while at rest and not while training. Ranma's
ability to heal allows his body to be trained every single moment no
matter how much strain it undergoes. In battles he takes advantage of
this by often gaining a second wind or a third or a fourth. This asset
is a double edged sword."
Genkai watched on as Ranma cut his hand on the asset. 'See what I mean?'
any time and while he was momentarily stopped, she flipped onto her
hands and pushed off the ground, immediately twisting her legs. The
spinning her legs sliced into his stomach and he was forced to retreat
back a few steps.
just like a video game. :)
He resisted to clutch
resisted the urge to clutch
his stomach in pain as he backed up even
more away
'further' instead of 'more away'
been smart, he was beginning to tell. She was a lot more robust than
he had at first given her credit for.
Especially with the way she jiggled when she leapt in the air.
Oh, you don't mean that sort of 'robust'. Sorry.
* * * * *
*A terrifying ability,* Genkai thought as Ranma danced out of the
harm's way. Not only in helping him recover enough to win, but also in
affecting an opponent's mind. It was psychologically draining to fight
a person that never stayed down.
Unless of course, your opponent enjoys beating the hell out of others. Then
you have a problem.
Chun Li however was not at all shabby,
Argh. There has got to be a better word than 'shabby' to use there.
perhaps' 'was too experienced to allow that to affect her.'
showing the power of a
class A fighter in the Street Fighter Tournament. Genkai couldn't help
but wonder
help wondering
if the Chinese woman had anything to do with a tribe of
amazons that she was acquainted with. The woman's style was very much
like them.
Ranma knocked out Chun Li with a backfist. After consciousness returned to
her a moment later, she glomped onto him and said, 'Woda Airen'. Yes, her
style was far too much like them indeed.
* * * * *
"Kikou Shou!"
Chun Li panted as Ranma flew over the ground and slammed into the
tree behind him a little ways off. She considered running after him,
but she was finding herself tiring in her efforts to quickly finish the
boy off.
I'd drop this 'off' since you ended the last sentence with one.
> Ranma groggily got back up to his feet, using the tree to pull
him up.
himself up.
However, now wasn't the time to be impressed with his opponent's
technique. He staggered, his body swaying side to side in an effort to
remain upright. After having made the woman spent
spend
Genkai felt a sudden chill as she looked at Chun Li's glowing
body. Evil. She could almost taste it with how it emitted from the
girl. It was similar to the feeling she got when Ryu and Sakura let
loose the Raging Demon, yet different somehow. There was also
something strange with Ranma's own chi. Which was strange
Used 'strange' in the last sentence. How about 'peculiar' or something
similar?
The moment Chun Li launched towards him, Ranma found himself
instinctively drawing up his confidence. His fists clenched and he was
surprised to find them hot not with exertion but with something
different... it was chi. He didn't know that had
that he had
even a miniscule
amount left to spend after this morning's training. It might not even
be enough to form a small poof
'pool' perhaps?
of power, but... maybe it might.
"Houyoku Sen!" Chun Li smiled as she watched Ranma cupped
cup
* * * * *
Chun Li's eyes opened. She found herself lying on her back, with
the old woman, Genkai, and a younger woman she learned was named Yukina
Yukina, tending
"Very interesting boy. I could
can
Chun Li nodded and got up and off the bed, finding no pain on
in
Another dead end."
"I would take care to be so obsessed with such a person."
"What would you know about my obsession.
obsession?
"Rest!"
"Yes, yes," Ranma answered, finally, sinking back onto the bed
and felt Mini-Urd cuddle beside him despite being angry with him
apparently. He avoided Mini-Moiraine's gaze, knowing how angry she
might be with him. He could just imagine how much he was stunting her
growth with only enough chi to live.
Having the three chibi's of them is just disturbing somehow.
The End. (maybe)
Yeah. Right. Not this one.
Good work. Lot of little errors, but overall it flowed well.
D.B. Sommer