Subject: [FFML] FW: [Ranma][xover]Life and Times: First Knight Chapter 5
From: "D.F. Roeder" <dfroeder@flash.net>
Date: 5/10/2000, 10:31 PM
To: "FFML" <ffml@fanfic.com>



  -----Original Message-----
  From: D.F. Roeder [mailto:dfroeder@flash.net]
  Sent: Wednesday, May 10, 2000 9:01 PM
  To: Donny Cheng
  Subject: RE: [FFML] [Ranma][xover]Life and Times: First Knight Chapter 5


  Well, I'm on a C&C roll, so... Away WE GOOO!!!

  NORTON:  Hey, you sound just like Ralphie-boy!

  ME: ...


    First Knight 5:  The Strongest Woman

  Well, I begged and pleaded for more of this. Now, Donny, since
  you've done this, I only have one thing to say... MORE!!!  :)



    	"Stupid Old Ghoul," Ranma mumbled under his breath.

    	"Another hour," Genkai commanded, not even looking in Ranma's
    direction as she read her book.

    	"What!?  This training ranks up there with some of the stuff my
    dad did," Ranma complained, but he did not stop the training.  His
    finger was seriously starting to go numb on him.

    	"Then your father did a good job.  By balancing your entire body
    on your single finger's emission of chi, you're being forced to focus.
    Focus is something you lack."

    	"Does it have to be on a needle?  And I am focused," Ranma
    muttered, as he held himself upright on his finger on the metal needle
    sticking out of the floor of the room with only a small cushion of chi
    in between.

    	"Really?  Okay

  Okay,

    stop what you're doing and come here," Genkai
    said, putting down her book.  She then pointed to the candle light she

  Suggest: ...candle flame she... (hard to point at the light itself :P)


    had been reading by as Ranma approached, shaking and stretching his
    sore, numb arms.

  If they're numb, how can they be sore? Maybe: ...stretching his
  sore joints and numb arms. (or something)



    "Put out this candle with your chi."

    	Ranma grinned confidently at the easy task before him.  He was
    going to feel great and forget the soreness of his arm when he wiped
    that smug look off of her face.  That thought alone was enough to make
    him brim with enough confidence to level a mountain.  "Moko Takabisha!"

    	Genkai looked on as a large ball shot out from Ranma's hands and
    destroyed all existence of the candle on her desk, dimming the room
    further.  "I see I proved my point.  Get yourself back to finger
    standing on that needle."

    	Ranma frowned.  "What do you mean?  I put out that candle."

    	Genkai turned an eye back towards Ranma.  "Yes, but did you have
    to use that much power?  Could you do it again with just as much
    force?"

    	Seeing Ranma unable to answer, she pressed on.  "While it was a
    stroke of genius to come up with an attack that suited you better than
    the Shi Shi Hokodan, the move itself is stupid and useless.  Your
    emotion and chi reserves are depleted every time you use it, lowering
    your confidence and your energy.  The Shi Shi Hokodan takes advantage
    of these two points.  Emotional draining and tiredness sinks a Shi Shi
    Hokodan further into depression.  However, this also increases their
    loss in judgment and chances of being distracted.  The one good thing
    about your revised move is that your emotions do not spiral downward
    uncontrollably.  To fully use this small advantage you will have to
    learn how to control the degree of chi you fire out."

    	As much as Ranma hated to learn how badly constructed the move he
    had devised was, he couldn't deny Genkai's analysis of it.  Against a
    fighter of Yusuke's caliber, a waste of a chi blast like the one he did
    on the candle could mean the match at the tournament.

  The construction below is awkward...

    He sighed as he
    trudged back to the needle, he could feel his inner reserves drained
    slightly already because of that blast, which meant the next hour was
    going to a very long one.

  Suggest: He sighed as he trudged back to the needle; he could...
  (not a great solution, but it helps some)


    He definitely could not waste his energy
    like that again.

    			* * * * *

    	Chun Li panted

  AND I MISSED IT?!?! ... Oh, not all of the sentence, huh?  :P


    and was forced to stop on the steps that lead up
    to the temple.  She wiped off the beads of sweat that had formed on her
    brow as she tried to catch her breath.  Leaning against a nearby tree
    along the steps, she sank to the ground with her back to it.  Her
    headaches were getting worse lately.  More memories had resurfaced with
    them.  Memories that made her retch as she could imagine the sickening
    sounds of bones snapping on a dead man.

  Suggest:  More memories had resurfaced with them, memories that made...

  And:  ...her retch as she imagined the...


    She clutched her head in her
    hands and tried dispelling the nightmares away with sheer force of
    will.  However, it was not enough to prepare her for the final image of
    Vega's face looming over her, nor the feeling of his lips pressed
    against hers or her ardent response to it.  As quickly as the memory
    reared itself at her, the images were replaces with a plain face that
    was comically serious to her.

    	*Ryu*.  He had been here!

    	The feel of him, the sense of knowing that he had been here was
    like a beacon of light that cut through the fog of her thoughts, waking
    her up from her nightmare.  She didn't know how she could tell this,
    but in her heart she knew that it was true.  She shook her head and
    once again felt the memories of her past start to drift away and she
    gave no effort at trying to grasp at them.  Slowly she got up and
    looked up the stairs, towards the temple.  The man named Ranma would
    lead her to some answers.  He _had to_ or she was afraid she might not
    wake up the next time she blanked out.

    			* * * * *

    	Chun Li paused in her tracks as a blur zipped past her.

  Feeling a sudden draft, she looked inside her shirt and gasped. "MY BRA!!"

  "SWEETO!! I just LOOOVE female practitioners of The Art!! HOTCHAAAAA!!!"

  "..."



    Her
    trained reflexes caused her to jump back a step as she felt battle aura
    all around her.  A second blur soon followed the first, colliding with
    it.  With the both of them stopped,

  Suggest: Since both of them had now stopped, (or something. The
  'with' construction feels awkward.)


    she could see the blurs were
    actually two people, a pigtailed boy and an old, short woman.

  Suggest:  ...actually two people[:] a pigtailed boy and a [short old] woman.



    And the
    old woman was handing the boy quite a beating.

  RANMA:  Brother, does this bring back memories!

  :j


    	She watched with morbid fascination as the young, more athletic
    looking

  younger, more athletic-looking


    boy was simply overpowered by the frail looking woman.

  Suggest:  ...by the seemingly frail woman. (Two '-looking'
  constructions - need to change one.)


    The
    woman stopped suddenly and turned towards her.  The boy also relaxed
    from his defensive stance to look in her direction, noticing her for
    the first time.

    	"Hello, my name Is

  is

    Chun Li.  Is this the residence of one

  one,

    Saotome
    Ranma?  I want to have a match with him."

    	"I swear I'll punt the old lech the next time I see him," the boy
    muttered to himself and then looked at her.  "I'm Saotome Ranma."

    			* * * * *

    	"We can reschedule this fight till tomorrow or later.  I'm in no
    hurry," Chun Li said as she looked at Ranma.  She had been surprised to
    find out that Ranma was so young, though it was not unheard of and she
    had seen some just as young at this level.  Ryu, Ken, Sakura, and
    herself had all attained A class

  A-class

    World Warrior

  But not these because they're proper nouns.

    level before they came
    out of their teens.  They did not however shoot

  They did not, however, shoot

    past the other 4

  Suggest spelling out "four". I think the rule-of-thumb is to spell
  out numbers under one-hundred and use arabic numerals for numbers
  one-hundred and above. Someone correct me on this if I'm wrong.


    levels
    with just one fight against a level E opponent.  She had expected to
    find some grand master that had been around for awhile with some sort
    of reputation and thus could be justified in starting with a higher
    class.  She had seen that done before, but not for so many levels so
    quickly or for a virtually unknown boy that couldn't be more than
    seventeen.

    	"No, he'll be just as tired tomorrow," Genkai answered for Ranma.

    	Ranma winced.  The old ghoul intended to keep him in a constant
    state of tiredness.  "Whatever.  Tired or not, I'll win anyway."

    	Chun Li was used to bravado from men that had never faced her in
    combat before.  The same arrogance and confidence was plain in the
    boy's tone and attitude.  However, none of them had ever held Vega's
    interest the way this boy had.  She suspected that even after his
    beating at the hands of Genkai, the fight would not be easy.

    			* * * * *

    	Yukina was worried as she and Genkai watched.  "Is it really
    okay?  Ranma-kun had

  has


    been training all morning."

  Kuwabara:  Oh, Yukinaaaa!

  Yukina:  EEK!!

  Ranma:  Well, at least it wasn't me.

  Yukina:  ... Giver or receiver?

  Ranma:  Either.

  Kuwabara:  You're a GUY!

  Ranma:  [smirks]  Some of the time.

  Group facefault.





    	"It's necessary if he is to be ready for the Dark Tournament.
    His strongest asset is his incredible ability to recover quickly.  A
    normal fighter must rest every once in a while because the body
    improves and grows while at rest and not while training.  Ranma's
    ability to heal allows his body to be trained every single moment no
    matter how much strain it undergoes.  In battles

  battles,


    he takes advantage of
    this by often gaining a second wind or a third or a fourth.  This asset
    is a double edged

  double-edged

    sword."

  Suggest leaving off the end quote - it's common practice in order
  to show no change in speaker.

    	"To improve one must be brought to the brink of exhaustion,
    challenged, and through sheer force of will, overcome it.  As
    impressive as he has become at such a young age, I'm afraid it has as
    much to do with his body's conditioning as it had to do with his own
    will power.

  ...has as much to do with his body's conditioning as it does with
  his own willpower (one word).


    He has had an easier time than Yusuke who had undergone

  Yusuki, who *has* undergone


    times where

  times when

    he simply overtaxes

  overtaxed

    his power and loses

  lost

    it.  Reiki is not
    something that can be regenerated quickly in the short period a battle
    takes place.  New and untapped power must be drawn out from within when
    one is spent.  That is what Ranma must be able to do if he is to
    improve and increase his potential."

    			* * * * *

    	Chun Li found herself on the defensive as she blocked and dodged
    the hundreds of punches she found aimed at her.  A technique similar to
    Honda's, so she was not totally unprepared for it.

  Suggest:  It was a technique... (Otherwise, you're joining a
  dependent clause to a fragment.)


    It was faster, but
    it did not have Honda's range.  She leapt up into the air

  air,

    aiming a kick
    high, knowing he could block or dodge such a telegraphed move, but it
    gave her time to set herself in position for her own assault.  As she
    landed she steered Ranma with a few aimed kicks, not intending for them
    to hit, but to move him into the right area for her next technique.
    "Hyakuretsu Kyaku!"

    	Ranma felt the first of the hundred kicks hit him along his body
    before the force of her attack pushed him back far enough for him to
    block effectively.  His knees nearly buckled as he fought to remain
    upright.  *Ten on my knee, twenty more along the rest of my leg, around
    thirty along my chest, and several above my neck, and all in maybe two
    seconds or less.  Her foot speed is incredible.*  Chun Li didn't waste
    any time

  time,

    and while he was momentarily stopped, she flipped onto her
    hands and pushed off the ground, immediately twisting her legs.  The
    spinning her legs sliced into his stomach

  This bit is confused, but I'm not sure what you wanted.


    and he was forced to retreat
    back a few steps.

    	He resisted to clutch

  He resisted clutching...

    his stomach in pain as he backed up even
    more away from the woman.

  Suggest:  ...as he backed away from the woman even more.

    Chun Li's legs were incredibly strong.  The
    amount of power needed to fly though the air using the spinning force
    her legs created would have been on par

  on a par

    with Shampoo or maybe even
    greater than the amazon.  He eyed the woman more carefully as he
    circled her from a distance.  Pulling his punches at the start had not
    been smart, he was beginning to tell.

  Suggest: ...been smart, he was beginning to understand.

    She was a lot more robust than
    he had at first given her credit for.  Her next attack was easily
    dodged as soon as he saw her prepare her hands in a familiar cupping
    gesture.  The oddly formed

  oddly-formed

    chi blast that emerged flew harmlessly by
    him.  What was also odd was that the blast had a shorter range than
    most he had seen, fizzling out at about ten meters.

    	*I need to get closer and take the battle to him.  He should be
    down by now but he seems to be in the same condition that he was at the
    beginning of the fight

  fight,

    even after I hit him a few times,* Chun Li
    thought as she watched Ranma stall from a distance away.  The boy was
    trying to rest up she could tell.  No unnecessary movement was wasted
    as he kept out of her range.

    			* * * * *

    	*A terrifying ability,* Genkai thought as Ranma danced out of the
    harm's way.

  ...out of harm's way.

    Not only in helping him recover enough to win, but also in
    affecting an opponent's mind.  It was psychologically draining to fight
    a person that never stayed down.

  Suggest:  It was psychologically draining to fight an opponent that
  never stayed put; it not only helped the other to recover, it also
  affected one's mind.


    One begins to doubt in one's ability
    to win

  win,

    and it grows worse as the battle drags on and exhaustion starts
    to wear away at one's control.

    	Chun Li however was not at all shabby, showing the power of a
    class A fighter in the Street Fighter Tournament.  Genkai couldn't help
    but wonder if the Chinese woman had anything to do with a tribe of
    amazons that she was acquainted with.  The woman's style was very much
    like them.

  :)

    			* * * * *

    	"Kikou Shou!"

    	Chun Li panted as Ranma flew over the ground and slammed into the
    tree behind him a little ways off.  She considered running after him,
    but she was finding herself tiring in her efforts to quickly finish the
    boy off.  *A rookie mistake,* she scolded herself.  She had not fought
    very efficiently and wound up being in a weakened state much faster
    than she had intended.

    	Ranma groggily got back up to his feet, using the tree to pull
    him up.  He could feel the pain in his ribs all too well.  He
    understood the difference in Chun Li's chi blast a little bit more now,
    however.  She had trained hers to be much more concentrated in power,
    giving up range.  It hadn't occurred to him to use it in that way.
    However, now wasn't the time to be impressed with his opponent's
    technique.  He staggered, his body swaying side to side in an effort to
    remain upright.  After having made the woman spent

  spend

    the last few minutes
    chasing him, he had gotten careless and allowed her to get close, but
    his goal had still been accomplished.  She was getting tired as much

  as easily (?)

    as
    he had been.

    	However, Ranma was still at a loss at how to proceed.  His arms
    and legs felt like dead weights.  While she was tired, she was hardly
    injured

  injured,

    and a quick attack on his part would do more harm to him than
    to her.  He considered,

  no comma

    attempting to anger the woman by taunting her
    or touching her, but even he could tell the difference between this
    experienced fighter at

  'and' instead of 'at'

    the teenaged girls he was used to being around.

    	Neither opponent noticed that the both of them glowed softly as
    evening approached and the sun began to set.

    			* * * * *

    	Genkai felt a sudden chill as she looked at Chun Li's glowing
    body.  Evil.  She could almost taste it with how it emitted from the
    girl.  It was similar to the feeling she got when Ryu and Sakura let
    loose the Raging Demon, yet different somehow.  There was also
    something strange with Ranma's own chi.  Which was strange in itself,
    since she had drained it all out of him with the needle exercise before
    she sparred with him.

    	*The match will end in the next minute,* she predicted to
    herself.

    			* * * * *

    	Chun Li hopped lightly from one foot to the other and back again.
    She pushed up on her toes a couple of times, feeling the condition of
    her leg as she stretched and strained it.  She was not in the best
    condition to attempt this technique, but it couldn't be helped.  She
    couldn't afford to let Ranma stall for more time as the boy seemed to
    recover faster than she did.  A single burst of speed that Ranma had
    not yet witnessed from her,

  no comma

    coupled with immense power should do him
    in.  It should.

    	Ranma tensed.  The way Chun Li was stretching indicated to him
    that she was getting ready for another attack.  His aching ribs made it
    nearly impossible for him to move, but he forced himself to strafe
    anyway, to keep up with appearances.  If she knew that he was on his
    last legs, he would lose.  His only hope would be to stay in one place
    and take whatever the woman was preparing and then counter with one
    solid hit of his own.

    	Chun Li's eyes narrowed as she watched Ranma literally dig in to

  into

    the ground with his feet, standing in a defensive position one his

  position with his


    right foot slightly in front.  He was making a stand apparently.

  He was making a stand, apparently.

    It
    would make her job a little easier if she didn't have to chase him
    while she performed her special technique.

    	The moment Chun Li launched towards him, Ranma found himself
    instinctively drawing up his confidence.  His fists clenched and he was
    surprised to find them hot not with exertion but with something
    different... it was chi.  He didn't know that had

  that *he* had

    even a miniscule
    amount left to spend after this morning's training.  It might not even
    be enough to form a small poof of power, but... maybe it might.

    	"Houyoku Sen!"  Chun Li smiled as she watched Ranma cupped

  cup

    his
    hands and shot

  shoot

    them out in front of him.  She had designed this move to
    be fast and she was confident she could dodge it.

    	Ranma only saw the flashing of energy and Chun Li's leg upraised
    before he let loose,

  Suggest:  ...loose:

    "Chou Moko Takabisha!"

    			* * * * *

    	Chun Li's eyes opened.  She found herself lying on her back, with
    the old woman, Genkai, and a younger woman she learned was named Yukina
    tending after her.  "I lost."

    	"Double knockout actually," Genkai said.

  "Double knockout, actually," Genkai said.

    	"Very interesting boy.  I could

  can

    see why Vega is interested in
    him.  That technique, he used.  It was mine."

  Suggest:  That technique he used... It was mine."


    	Genkai chuckled, but her expression held no mirth.  "Truly a bad
    thing to be in the interest of _that_ monster.  And yes, I think that
    technique was similar to the one you used.  I doubt even he knew what
    he was using it

  Omit 'it'.

    before he actually did it."

    	Chun Li arched an eyebrow at Genkai letting slip that she knew
    Vega, but let it slide.  "If I were you, I would tell the boy to leave
    this area when he gets the chance.  When Vega learns of this battle, I
    think his 'interest' may grow even more.  He will also be the target of
    every class A fighter in the world if his position is well known."

    	Genkai didn't question the woman on her certainty that Vega would
    know about this fight in such a secluded area.  "I will let him know."

    	Chun Li nodded and got up and off the bed, finding no pain on her
    body whatsoever.  She looked at Yukina, who simply smiled.  Powerful
    company,

  no comma

    the boy kept.  "I take it,

  no comma

    the boy knows nothing about Vega?
    He doesn't look like the type that would associate with such a person.
    Another dead end."

    	"I would take care to be so obsessed with such a person."

    	"What would you know about my obsession.

  obsession?

    Vega is mine!" Chun Li
    shot out angrily, before calming down.  "I'm sorry, I lost myself for a
    moment."

    	Genkai shook her head, indicating she understood.  "I sense his
    taint on you.  I fear what may happen to you."

    	"You know about _it_?" Chun Li asked, her hopes rising,

  no comma

    before
    Genkai's sad eyes told her that the old woman could do nothing.

    	"His taint is not spiritual in nature

  nature,

    and even if it were, it
    would be still beyond my abilities to cure it.  It is hard to explain.
    It is as if his darkness lives within you.  Like a parasite, it grows
    and eats up part of you at a time.  Occasionally, it will break free
    and show itself like in the battle today.  Did you even notice it
    during your final attack on Ranma?"

    	"No," Chun Li whispered.  She didn't need to be told of the
    implication that held; what it meant if she did not notice it when
    Vega's darkness surrounded her.  "I have one more question to ask you.
    A man that I know, his name is Ryu... I felt his presence here just
    before I came upon you and Ranma.  But the feeling I got from this was
    not... pleasant.  Has something happened to him?"

    	Genkai was surprised that Chun Li's abilities were so advanced.
    Or was it because of how close she and Ryu were?  If it were true, she
    did not know what

  'how' instead of 'what'

    the woman would take the news.  "Goki."

    	Chun Li blanched.  "I see.  Thank you.  I-I have to get going,"
    she stuttered.

    	Genkai shook her head at the cruelness of fate as Chun Li raced
    out of the room.  She cursed the names Vega and Goki silently at their
    machinations.

  Suggest:  For their machinations, she silently cursed the names
  Vega and Goki.


    			* * * * *

    	Vega looked at the screen's replay.  "Again."

    	His butler rewound the taping

  tape

    of the battle for the fifth time.

    	"Stop.  Center on the left half of the screen.  Stop.  Filter the
    image.  Enhance."

    	The butler nearly dropped the remote control, but fortunately,
    Vega was not looking at him.

    	The screen showed the collision between a woman and a boy.
    Superimposed with

  'on' instead of 'with'

    the image of the woman,

  no comma

    was, whether it was an
    illusion of the screen or not, Vega's unearthly visage.

    	A maniacal grin formed on Vega's face.  "Continue with the other
    screenings.  The boy will move.  Keep him followed.  The woman... no
    need to follow her anymore."

    			* * * * *

    	Ranma could only stare at his hands in shock.  His three
    companions, Mini-Urd, Mini-Moiraine, and Mini-Usagi

  Mini-Usagi,

    all sat

  omit 'all'

    with stony
    faces, looking at him. After having surpassed himself, his chi, all of
    it, was gone.

    	"Where...?"

    	"Hey, we're not happy too,"

  ...happy, either,"

    Mini-Urd said, taking a swipe at
    Ranma's head.  "What did you think you were doing

  doing,

    using all of your chi
    up.

  up?

    You overtaxed it.  You have any idea how long it's going to be
    before you get it back?"

    	"What?  But what about my training!?"

    	Mini-Urd swiped at Ranma's head again.  "Training?  You're
    resting!" she yelled, staring angrily at her.

  Her? Did Ranma change? I missed it.

    	Ranma glanced at Mini-Usagi in askance.

    	"She's just angry that she can't do any magic.  We're a part of
    your soul and a lot of our power comes from you as much as it comes
    from our mothers."

    	"Rest!"

    	"Yes, yes," Ranma answered, finally,

  no comma

    sinking back onto the bed
    and felt Mini-Urd cuddle beside him despite being angry with him
    apparently.

  Suggest: ...back onto the bed. He felt Mini-Urd cuddle...

    He avoided Mini-Moiraine's gaze, knowing how angry she
    might be with him.  He could just imagine how much he was stunting her
    growth with only enough chi to live.

    	*My power... it will come back, right?*

    			* * * * *

    The End. (maybe)

  And so we end with the classic DC quasi-promise... :)

  Okay. So now, MORE!!!  :P

  Hope this helps.

  Ja ne!
  Dave

  *******************************************
  D.F. Roeder
  FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html



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