-----Original Message-----
From: D.F. Roeder [mailto:dfroeder@flash.net]
Sent: Wednesday, May 10, 2000 9:01 PM
To: Donny Cheng
Subject: RE: [FFML] [Ranma][xover]Life and Times: First Knight Chapter 5
Well, I'm on a C&C roll, so... Away WE GOOO!!!
NORTON: Hey, you sound just like Ralphie-boy!
ME: ...
First Knight 5: The Strongest Woman
Well, I begged and pleaded for more of this. Now, Donny, since
you've done this, I only have one thing to say... MORE!!! :)
"Stupid Old Ghoul," Ranma mumbled under his breath.
"Another hour," Genkai commanded, not even looking in Ranma's
direction as she read her book.
"What!? This training ranks up there with some of the stuff my
dad did," Ranma complained, but he did not stop the training. His
finger was seriously starting to go numb on him.
"Then your father did a good job. By balancing your entire body
on your single finger's emission of chi, you're being forced to focus.
Focus is something you lack."
"Does it have to be on a needle? And I am focused," Ranma
muttered, as he held himself upright on his finger on the metal needle
sticking out of the floor of the room with only a small cushion of chi
in between.
"Really? Okay
Okay,
stop what you're doing and come here," Genkai
said, putting down her book. She then pointed to the candle light she
Suggest: ...candle flame she... (hard to point at the light itself :P)
had been reading by as Ranma approached, shaking and stretching his
sore, numb arms.
If they're numb, how can they be sore? Maybe: ...stretching his
sore joints and numb arms. (or something)
"Put out this candle with your chi."
Ranma grinned confidently at the easy task before him. He was
going to feel great and forget the soreness of his arm when he wiped
that smug look off of her face. That thought alone was enough to make
him brim with enough confidence to level a mountain. "Moko Takabisha!"
Genkai looked on as a large ball shot out from Ranma's hands and
destroyed all existence of the candle on her desk, dimming the room
further. "I see I proved my point. Get yourself back to finger
standing on that needle."
Ranma frowned. "What do you mean? I put out that candle."
Genkai turned an eye back towards Ranma. "Yes, but did you have
to use that much power? Could you do it again with just as much
force?"
Seeing Ranma unable to answer, she pressed on. "While it was a
stroke of genius to come up with an attack that suited you better than
the Shi Shi Hokodan, the move itself is stupid and useless. Your
emotion and chi reserves are depleted every time you use it, lowering
your confidence and your energy. The Shi Shi Hokodan takes advantage
of these two points. Emotional draining and tiredness sinks a Shi Shi
Hokodan further into depression. However, this also increases their
loss in judgment and chances of being distracted. The one good thing
about your revised move is that your emotions do not spiral downward
uncontrollably. To fully use this small advantage you will have to
learn how to control the degree of chi you fire out."
As much as Ranma hated to learn how badly constructed the move he
had devised was, he couldn't deny Genkai's analysis of it. Against a
fighter of Yusuke's caliber, a waste of a chi blast like the one he did
on the candle could mean the match at the tournament.
The construction below is awkward...
He sighed as he
trudged back to the needle, he could feel his inner reserves drained
slightly already because of that blast, which meant the next hour was
going to a very long one.
Suggest: He sighed as he trudged back to the needle; he could...
(not a great solution, but it helps some)
He definitely could not waste his energy
like that again.
* * * * *
Chun Li panted
AND I MISSED IT?!?! ... Oh, not all of the sentence, huh? :P
and was forced to stop on the steps that lead up
to the temple. She wiped off the beads of sweat that had formed on her
brow as she tried to catch her breath. Leaning against a nearby tree
along the steps, she sank to the ground with her back to it. Her
headaches were getting worse lately. More memories had resurfaced with
them. Memories that made her retch as she could imagine the sickening
sounds of bones snapping on a dead man.
Suggest: More memories had resurfaced with them, memories that made...
And: ...her retch as she imagined the...
She clutched her head in her
hands and tried dispelling the nightmares away with sheer force of
will. However, it was not enough to prepare her for the final image of
Vega's face looming over her, nor the feeling of his lips pressed
against hers or her ardent response to it. As quickly as the memory
reared itself at her, the images were replaces with a plain face that
was comically serious to her.
*Ryu*. He had been here!
The feel of him, the sense of knowing that he had been here was
like a beacon of light that cut through the fog of her thoughts, waking
her up from her nightmare. She didn't know how she could tell this,
but in her heart she knew that it was true. She shook her head and
once again felt the memories of her past start to drift away and she
gave no effort at trying to grasp at them. Slowly she got up and
looked up the stairs, towards the temple. The man named Ranma would
lead her to some answers. He _had to_ or she was afraid she might not
wake up the next time she blanked out.
* * * * *
Chun Li paused in her tracks as a blur zipped past her.
Feeling a sudden draft, she looked inside her shirt and gasped. "MY BRA!!"
"SWEETO!! I just LOOOVE female practitioners of The Art!! HOTCHAAAAA!!!"
"..."
Her
trained reflexes caused her to jump back a step as she felt battle aura
all around her. A second blur soon followed the first, colliding with
it. With the both of them stopped,
Suggest: Since both of them had now stopped, (or something. The
'with' construction feels awkward.)
she could see the blurs were
actually two people, a pigtailed boy and an old, short woman.
Suggest: ...actually two people[:] a pigtailed boy and a [short old] woman.
And the
old woman was handing the boy quite a beating.
RANMA: Brother, does this bring back memories!
:j
She watched with morbid fascination as the young, more athletic
looking
younger, more athletic-looking
boy was simply overpowered by the frail looking woman.
Suggest: ...by the seemingly frail woman. (Two '-looking'
constructions - need to change one.)
The
woman stopped suddenly and turned towards her. The boy also relaxed
from his defensive stance to look in her direction, noticing her for
the first time.
"Hello, my name Is
is
Chun Li. Is this the residence of one
one,
Saotome
Ranma? I want to have a match with him."
"I swear I'll punt the old lech the next time I see him," the boy
muttered to himself and then looked at her. "I'm Saotome Ranma."
* * * * *
"We can reschedule this fight till tomorrow or later. I'm in no
hurry," Chun Li said as she looked at Ranma. She had been surprised to
find out that Ranma was so young, though it was not unheard of and she
had seen some just as young at this level. Ryu, Ken, Sakura, and
herself had all attained A class
A-class
World Warrior
But not these because they're proper nouns.
level before they came
out of their teens. They did not however shoot
They did not, however, shoot
past the other 4
Suggest spelling out "four". I think the rule-of-thumb is to spell
out numbers under one-hundred and use arabic numerals for numbers
one-hundred and above. Someone correct me on this if I'm wrong.
levels
with just one fight against a level E opponent. She had expected to
find some grand master that had been around for awhile with some sort
of reputation and thus could be justified in starting with a higher
class. She had seen that done before, but not for so many levels so
quickly or for a virtually unknown boy that couldn't be more than
seventeen.
"No, he'll be just as tired tomorrow," Genkai answered for Ranma.
Ranma winced. The old ghoul intended to keep him in a constant
state of tiredness. "Whatever. Tired or not, I'll win anyway."
Chun Li was used to bravado from men that had never faced her in
combat before. The same arrogance and confidence was plain in the
boy's tone and attitude. However, none of them had ever held Vega's
interest the way this boy had. She suspected that even after his
beating at the hands of Genkai, the fight would not be easy.
* * * * *
Yukina was worried as she and Genkai watched. "Is it really
okay? Ranma-kun had
has
been training all morning."
Kuwabara: Oh, Yukinaaaa!
Yukina: EEK!!
Ranma: Well, at least it wasn't me.
Yukina: ... Giver or receiver?
Ranma: Either.
Kuwabara: You're a GUY!
Ranma: [smirks] Some of the time.
Group facefault.
"It's necessary if he is to be ready for the Dark Tournament.
His strongest asset is his incredible ability to recover quickly. A
normal fighter must rest every once in a while because the body
improves and grows while at rest and not while training. Ranma's
ability to heal allows his body to be trained every single moment no
matter how much strain it undergoes. In battles
battles,
he takes advantage of
this by often gaining a second wind or a third or a fourth. This asset
is a double edged
double-edged
sword."
Suggest leaving off the end quote - it's common practice in order
to show no change in speaker.
"To improve one must be brought to the brink of exhaustion,
challenged, and through sheer force of will, overcome it. As
impressive as he has become at such a young age, I'm afraid it has as
much to do with his body's conditioning as it had to do with his own
will power.
...has as much to do with his body's conditioning as it does with
his own willpower (one word).
He has had an easier time than Yusuke who had undergone
Yusuki, who *has* undergone
times where
times when
he simply overtaxes
overtaxed
his power and loses
lost
it. Reiki is not
something that can be regenerated quickly in the short period a battle
takes place. New and untapped power must be drawn out from within when
one is spent. That is what Ranma must be able to do if he is to
improve and increase his potential."
* * * * *
Chun Li found herself on the defensive as she blocked and dodged
the hundreds of punches she found aimed at her. A technique similar to
Honda's, so she was not totally unprepared for it.
Suggest: It was a technique... (Otherwise, you're joining a
dependent clause to a fragment.)
It was faster, but
it did not have Honda's range. She leapt up into the air
air,
aiming a kick
high, knowing he could block or dodge such a telegraphed move, but it
gave her time to set herself in position for her own assault. As she
landed she steered Ranma with a few aimed kicks, not intending for them
to hit, but to move him into the right area for her next technique.
"Hyakuretsu Kyaku!"
Ranma felt the first of the hundred kicks hit him along his body
before the force of her attack pushed him back far enough for him to
block effectively. His knees nearly buckled as he fought to remain
upright. *Ten on my knee, twenty more along the rest of my leg, around
thirty along my chest, and several above my neck, and all in maybe two
seconds or less. Her foot speed is incredible.* Chun Li didn't waste
any time
time,
and while he was momentarily stopped, she flipped onto her
hands and pushed off the ground, immediately twisting her legs. The
spinning her legs sliced into his stomach
This bit is confused, but I'm not sure what you wanted.
and he was forced to retreat
back a few steps.
He resisted to clutch
He resisted clutching...
his stomach in pain as he backed up even
more away from the woman.
Suggest: ...as he backed away from the woman even more.
Chun Li's legs were incredibly strong. The
amount of power needed to fly though the air using the spinning force
her legs created would have been on par
on a par
with Shampoo or maybe even
greater than the amazon. He eyed the woman more carefully as he
circled her from a distance. Pulling his punches at the start had not
been smart, he was beginning to tell.
Suggest: ...been smart, he was beginning to understand.
She was a lot more robust than
he had at first given her credit for. Her next attack was easily
dodged as soon as he saw her prepare her hands in a familiar cupping
gesture. The oddly formed
oddly-formed
chi blast that emerged flew harmlessly by
him. What was also odd was that the blast had a shorter range than
most he had seen, fizzling out at about ten meters.
*I need to get closer and take the battle to him. He should be
down by now but he seems to be in the same condition that he was at the
beginning of the fight
fight,
even after I hit him a few times,* Chun Li
thought as she watched Ranma stall from a distance away. The boy was
trying to rest up she could tell. No unnecessary movement was wasted
as he kept out of her range.
* * * * *
*A terrifying ability,* Genkai thought as Ranma danced out of the
harm's way.
...out of harm's way.
Not only in helping him recover enough to win, but also in
affecting an opponent's mind. It was psychologically draining to fight
a person that never stayed down.
Suggest: It was psychologically draining to fight an opponent that
never stayed put; it not only helped the other to recover, it also
affected one's mind.
One begins to doubt in one's ability
to win
win,
and it grows worse as the battle drags on and exhaustion starts
to wear away at one's control.
Chun Li however was not at all shabby, showing the power of a
class A fighter in the Street Fighter Tournament. Genkai couldn't help
but wonder if the Chinese woman had anything to do with a tribe of
amazons that she was acquainted with. The woman's style was very much
like them.
:)
* * * * *
"Kikou Shou!"
Chun Li panted as Ranma flew over the ground and slammed into the
tree behind him a little ways off. She considered running after him,
but she was finding herself tiring in her efforts to quickly finish the
boy off. *A rookie mistake,* she scolded herself. She had not fought
very efficiently and wound up being in a weakened state much faster
than she had intended.
Ranma groggily got back up to his feet, using the tree to pull
him up. He could feel the pain in his ribs all too well. He
understood the difference in Chun Li's chi blast a little bit more now,
however. She had trained hers to be much more concentrated in power,
giving up range. It hadn't occurred to him to use it in that way.
However, now wasn't the time to be impressed with his opponent's
technique. He staggered, his body swaying side to side in an effort to
remain upright. After having made the woman spent
spend
the last few minutes
chasing him, he had gotten careless and allowed her to get close, but
his goal had still been accomplished. She was getting tired as much
as easily (?)
as
he had been.
However, Ranma was still at a loss at how to proceed. His arms
and legs felt like dead weights. While she was tired, she was hardly
injured
injured,
and a quick attack on his part would do more harm to him than
to her. He considered,
no comma
attempting to anger the woman by taunting her
or touching her, but even he could tell the difference between this
experienced fighter at
'and' instead of 'at'
the teenaged girls he was used to being around.
Neither opponent noticed that the both of them glowed softly as
evening approached and the sun began to set.
* * * * *
Genkai felt a sudden chill as she looked at Chun Li's glowing
body. Evil. She could almost taste it with how it emitted from the
girl. It was similar to the feeling she got when Ryu and Sakura let
loose the Raging Demon, yet different somehow. There was also
something strange with Ranma's own chi. Which was strange in itself,
since she had drained it all out of him with the needle exercise before
she sparred with him.
*The match will end in the next minute,* she predicted to
herself.
* * * * *
Chun Li hopped lightly from one foot to the other and back again.
She pushed up on her toes a couple of times, feeling the condition of
her leg as she stretched and strained it. She was not in the best
condition to attempt this technique, but it couldn't be helped. She
couldn't afford to let Ranma stall for more time as the boy seemed to
recover faster than she did. A single burst of speed that Ranma had
not yet witnessed from her,
no comma
coupled with immense power should do him
in. It should.
Ranma tensed. The way Chun Li was stretching indicated to him
that she was getting ready for another attack. His aching ribs made it
nearly impossible for him to move, but he forced himself to strafe
anyway, to keep up with appearances. If she knew that he was on his
last legs, he would lose. His only hope would be to stay in one place
and take whatever the woman was preparing and then counter with one
solid hit of his own.
Chun Li's eyes narrowed as she watched Ranma literally dig in to
into
the ground with his feet, standing in a defensive position one his
position with his
right foot slightly in front. He was making a stand apparently.
He was making a stand, apparently.
It
would make her job a little easier if she didn't have to chase him
while she performed her special technique.
The moment Chun Li launched towards him, Ranma found himself
instinctively drawing up his confidence. His fists clenched and he was
surprised to find them hot not with exertion but with something
different... it was chi. He didn't know that had
that *he* had
even a miniscule
amount left to spend after this morning's training. It might not even
be enough to form a small poof of power, but... maybe it might.
"Houyoku Sen!" Chun Li smiled as she watched Ranma cupped
cup
his
hands and shot
shoot
them out in front of him. She had designed this move to
be fast and she was confident she could dodge it.
Ranma only saw the flashing of energy and Chun Li's leg upraised
before he let loose,
Suggest: ...loose:
"Chou Moko Takabisha!"
* * * * *
Chun Li's eyes opened. She found herself lying on her back, with
the old woman, Genkai, and a younger woman she learned was named Yukina
tending after her. "I lost."
"Double knockout actually," Genkai said.
"Double knockout, actually," Genkai said.
"Very interesting boy. I could
can
see why Vega is interested in
him. That technique, he used. It was mine."
Suggest: That technique he used... It was mine."
Genkai chuckled, but her expression held no mirth. "Truly a bad
thing to be in the interest of _that_ monster. And yes, I think that
technique was similar to the one you used. I doubt even he knew what
he was using it
Omit 'it'.
before he actually did it."
Chun Li arched an eyebrow at Genkai letting slip that she knew
Vega, but let it slide. "If I were you, I would tell the boy to leave
this area when he gets the chance. When Vega learns of this battle, I
think his 'interest' may grow even more. He will also be the target of
every class A fighter in the world if his position is well known."
Genkai didn't question the woman on her certainty that Vega would
know about this fight in such a secluded area. "I will let him know."
Chun Li nodded and got up and off the bed, finding no pain on her
body whatsoever. She looked at Yukina, who simply smiled. Powerful
company,
no comma
the boy kept. "I take it,
no comma
the boy knows nothing about Vega?
He doesn't look like the type that would associate with such a person.
Another dead end."
"I would take care to be so obsessed with such a person."
"What would you know about my obsession.
obsession?
Vega is mine!" Chun Li
shot out angrily, before calming down. "I'm sorry, I lost myself for a
moment."
Genkai shook her head, indicating she understood. "I sense his
taint on you. I fear what may happen to you."
"You know about _it_?" Chun Li asked, her hopes rising,
no comma
before
Genkai's sad eyes told her that the old woman could do nothing.
"His taint is not spiritual in nature
nature,
and even if it were, it
would be still beyond my abilities to cure it. It is hard to explain.
It is as if his darkness lives within you. Like a parasite, it grows
and eats up part of you at a time. Occasionally, it will break free
and show itself like in the battle today. Did you even notice it
during your final attack on Ranma?"
"No," Chun Li whispered. She didn't need to be told of the
implication that held; what it meant if she did not notice it when
Vega's darkness surrounded her. "I have one more question to ask you.
A man that I know, his name is Ryu... I felt his presence here just
before I came upon you and Ranma. But the feeling I got from this was
not... pleasant. Has something happened to him?"
Genkai was surprised that Chun Li's abilities were so advanced.
Or was it because of how close she and Ryu were? If it were true, she
did not know what
'how' instead of 'what'
the woman would take the news. "Goki."
Chun Li blanched. "I see. Thank you. I-I have to get going,"
she stuttered.
Genkai shook her head at the cruelness of fate as Chun Li raced
out of the room. She cursed the names Vega and Goki silently at their
machinations.
Suggest: For their machinations, she silently cursed the names
Vega and Goki.
* * * * *
Vega looked at the screen's replay. "Again."
His butler rewound the taping
tape
of the battle for the fifth time.
"Stop. Center on the left half of the screen. Stop. Filter the
image. Enhance."
The butler nearly dropped the remote control, but fortunately,
Vega was not looking at him.
The screen showed the collision between a woman and a boy.
Superimposed with
'on' instead of 'with'
the image of the woman,
no comma
was, whether it was an
illusion of the screen or not, Vega's unearthly visage.
A maniacal grin formed on Vega's face. "Continue with the other
screenings. The boy will move. Keep him followed. The woman... no
need to follow her anymore."
* * * * *
Ranma could only stare at his hands in shock. His three
companions, Mini-Urd, Mini-Moiraine, and Mini-Usagi
Mini-Usagi,
all sat
omit 'all'
with stony
faces, looking at him. After having surpassed himself, his chi, all of
it, was gone.
"Where...?"
"Hey, we're not happy too,"
...happy, either,"
Mini-Urd said, taking a swipe at
Ranma's head. "What did you think you were doing
doing,
using all of your chi
up.
up?
You overtaxed it. You have any idea how long it's going to be
before you get it back?"
"What? But what about my training!?"
Mini-Urd swiped at Ranma's head again. "Training? You're
resting!" she yelled, staring angrily at her.
Her? Did Ranma change? I missed it.
Ranma glanced at Mini-Usagi in askance.
"She's just angry that she can't do any magic. We're a part of
your soul and a lot of our power comes from you as much as it comes
from our mothers."
"Rest!"
"Yes, yes," Ranma answered, finally,
no comma
sinking back onto the bed
and felt Mini-Urd cuddle beside him despite being angry with him
apparently.
Suggest: ...back onto the bed. He felt Mini-Urd cuddle...
He avoided Mini-Moiraine's gaze, knowing how angry she
might be with him. He could just imagine how much he was stunting her
growth with only enough chi to live.
*My power... it will come back, right?*
* * * * *
The End. (maybe)
And so we end with the classic DC quasi-promise... :)
Okay. So now, MORE!!! :P
Hope this helps.
Ja ne!
Dave
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html