Randomness below. Snippage throughout.
Randomness abounds... This fic was pretty random, come to think of it, but
then, you do point that out somewhat later. :P
[...]
> Onna-Tenchi Muyou!
10YEN-RANMA: That means Girl-Tenchi, for those of you who don't
know Japanese. It shouldn't come as a surprise to those of
you who read Dave's stuff. He's fixated on girls...
RANMA-SAMA: And what's wrong with being fixated on girls?
10YEN-RANMA: Geez, you know what I mean. [eyes lookalike warily]
Say, which part of Accidental Goddess are you from?
RANMA-SAMA: Part four. And what's that supposed to mean?
10YEN-RANMA: You sound like you're a little further along your
journey of "self-exploration" as a woman. [smirk]
RANMA-SAMA: Wh- What?!? YOU'RE the one
doing the "self-exploration", Miss Ten Yen!
10YEN-RANMA: HEY! *I* wasn't the one doing the exploring!!!
ONNA-TENCHI: Is that what I have to look forward to? Multiple instances of a
girl me in different states of self-exploration?
ONNA-FUTABA: Hey, don't knock it till you try it. Right, Ranma-sama?
RANMA-SAMA: [Twiddles thumbs] ... Yes! It's just my thumbs, SEE?!?!
FFML: ...
> A Tenchi Muyou! Ryou-ou-ki FanFiction
> By
> D.F. Roeder
>
>
> LIME WARNING. There is an almost-reference to a sexual act in this
> work. ~_^
10YEN-RANMA: "Almost-reference to a sexual act?"
I'm getting a bad sense of deja-vu, here... [twitch]
RANMA-SAMA: I think that's because this is a repost.
10YEN-RANMA: Uh, yeah, that's it! [blush]
RYOUKO: I thought it was because it was an imagination sequence...
ONNA-TENCHI: Well, they have to kibitz about something... Um, Ryouko? What is
your hand doing there?"
RYOUKO: Rehearsing an almost-sexual act.
ONNA-TENCHI: Oh, well, that's all right, then... YOW!!!
> ----- Acknowledgments -----
> Thanks go to T.H. Tiger, Andrew Norris, and Vince Seifert for
> prereading and discussion. My further thanks to Vince Seifert for
> his comments and suggestions all along the way and for being an
> all-around, Swiss Army fanfic knife. ^_^
>
> Thanks to Bert Miller for sticking to his Washuu guns. :)
RANMA-10YEN: And after this C&C, we're
sure to be on the list! Nya HA Ha ha!
RANMA-SAMA: This is C&C?
AEKA: "Crude & Crass?" Yes, that works well, I believe.
RYOUKO: Awww, princess. You're no fun at all.
AEKA: I beg to differ!
ONN-TENCHI: Uh, Aeka-san? What is your hand doing there? And you do realize
that's Ryouko and not me, right?
AEKA: ...
RYOUKO: AEKA-CHAN!!!
AEKA: Oh... no...
> ----- Disclaimers -----
> Tenchi Muyou! Ryo-Ohki and its characters are the property of
> Kajishima Masaki and AIC/Pioneer LDC. This work of fanfiction is for
> free entertainment purposes only - no compensation has been or will
> be received.
sp: Ryou-ou-ki
10YEN-RANMA: Be consistent in your use of extra Us.
RANMA-SAMA: What, there's more than one Dave? [freaks out]
10YEN-RANMA: ...
MASAKI KAJISHIMA: Hmmm, would that be Douglas MacDougall or Doglas MacDogall
in romaji...
Point taken, Douglas. :)
> ====================
>
> Chapter 1 - Nyanniichuan Muyou! (No Need for Spring of Drowned
> Girl!)
>
> ====================
10YEN-RANMA: Run away! Flee now, Tenchi, or
you'll join us in the ranks of the damned.
RANMA-SAMA: Actually, I'm blessed. [grins]
10YEN-RANMA: You keep telling yourself that,
little Miss Fertility Goddess.
RANMA-SAMA: I'll "fertilize" you, if you don't shut up...
10YEN-RANMA: [shuts up]
AUTHOR: I have absolutely no comment to make as I intend to steal that
snippet for future use. :P
[...]
> Hakubi Washuu, the self-proclaimed Number One Genius Scientist of
> the Universe, glanced at the file heading and winced. "All-Purpose
> Cultural Day Planner, Universal Edition... Bleah."
10YEN-RANMA: Does Washuu ever use her last name--
RANMA-SAMA: [interrupts] Family name.
10YEN-RANMA: Whatever. [rolls eyes] Use "Hakubi" in the OAVs?
Whenever I see this name, I get a little confused.
RANMA-SAMA: [mutters] Yeah, like THAT'S hard. [smirk]
10YEN-RANMA: For some reason, I keep thinking Ranma crossover...
[10YEN-RANMA's IMAGINATION, filled with bright
colors but low definition. Think crayon drawings.]
WASHUU: Hi, I'm Hibiki Washuu, and this is my daughter, Ryoko!
RYOGA: My name is RyoGA. I'm your SON!
WASHUU: Whoops. Easily fixed. [makes scissor motions with fingers]
RYOGA: "Fixed?" [squeaks in fear]
[Fade to blackness, just after the mechanical
arms seize Ryoga. 10YEN-RANMA has fallen asleep]
RANMA-SAMA: What I think he's trying to
suggest is dropping the "Hakubi".
MISAKI: That was certainly an exciting sketch, wasn't it, Oneesama?
FUNAHO: Quite, quite. Dearest?
AZUSA: [mumbles incoherently, the name "Tenchi" occasionally rising to
legibility (Hey, this *is* a written format!)]
FUNAHO: By the way, Washuu-dono. Did you not introduced yourself to me with
your full name on the shrine stairway?
WASHUU: Hmmm, now that I think of it, I did rather pointedly say "Hakubi
Washuu".
FUNAHO: So what do you think the problem is?
WASHUU: Probably watching those dubbed eps again...
COLLECTIVE CAST: AIEEEEEE!!!!
[...]
> In one of innumerable simulated alien environments, Washuu sat
> perched on the limb of something resembling a tree, watching little
> creatures scurry around.
10YEN-RANMA: Monkey! Monkey-girl!
[Zap]
RANMA-SAMA: [looking at 10YEN-RANMA] What happened to you?
10YEN-RANMA: Ribbit
10YEN-RANMA: I guess you don't want to annoy OAV Washu, either...
WASHUU: No, no. That's the other me. [Puts her fingers to her dimples] I'm
MUCH too cute to do something like THAAAAT!!!
suggest: one of an innumerable
or: one of her innumerable
I'll go with the second. ^_^
[...]
> Hanging upside down from little suction cups on her toes, she
> watched the Masu inside their new tank. The ovoid creatures
> desultorily floated around, unconsciously mimicking the higher brain
> of the observer.
suggest: floated around desultorily
maybe: languidly
(Did you mean to emphasize Washuu's random,
jerky behavior, or her boredom?)
Well, desultorily is supposed to mirror Washuu's boredom, and I *think* the
meaning fits, but I'll check the definitions again and see what works.
RANMA-SAMA: I'd suggest a smaller word, actually...
10YEN-RANMA: Ribbit.
RANMA-SAMA: [thinks] No, that doesn't work, either.
VINCE: [holding a frog gigger] C'mere, little froggie!!
FROG-RANMA: RIIIIIIIBIIIIIIITTTT!!! [He hops away at amaguriken speed.]
AUTHOR: Not FROGS again?! ARGH!
[...]
> Washuu swam with a herd of dolphins, but even that didn't seem to
> lift her mood.
10YEN-RANMA: [restored by her alternate "sister"]
Is a group of dolphins called a herd? Just checking.
I think so... I'll look into it. Is it a pod, like whales?
RANMA-SAMA: And now, thanks to the Advent of the Goddess--
10YEN-RANMA: [blinks in confusion]
RANMA-SAMA: Me, stupid. You can now see a scene
originally cut from this story! [evil grin]
[WASHUU timidly approaches TENCHI's door]
WASHUU: Tenchi?
TENCHI: Yes, Lil' Wahhhh. [mouth hangs open]
WASHUU: [*not* little] Oh, you can just can me Washuu.
TENCHI: [gulps and nods]
WASHUU: I'm wondering if you can... [presses against TENCHI]
Help me with something. [traces circles on his chest.]
TENCHI: O- Okay.... [sweating]
WASHUU: I've lost my spare change, and I'm hoping that you--
[10YEN-RANMA rips scene appart]
10YEN-RANMA: Right! No more of that!!!
WASHUU: [turns to Onna-Tenchi] Would I do something like that to you?
ONNA-TENCHI: ... No... of course not, Washuu-chan. Say, Ryouko, can you,
like, get me outta here really fast?
RYOUKO: [ogling onna-Tenchi] 'Out' or 'off' really fast?
ONNA-TENCHI: Errr, either, as long as 'out' is included.
WASHUU: ... Nobody loves me anymore...
[...]
> "ARGH!!!" She threw her arms into the air, quickly slid off the
> cushion, making it bounce in midair, and walked towards the door.
> "When all else fails, find some people! Interact! ... Brother, I'm
> really desperate..."
10YEN-RANMA: [in bubble-headed Galaxy Police officer voice]
Miss Washuu?
RANMA-RANMA: [in Universe's Greatest Mad Scientist voice] No.
Sorry, but this one flew right by me.
[...]
> "Ahhh. Just as I thought," Tenchi whispered. The house was empty. He
> indulged himself in the pleasurable remembrance of how the Masaki
> residence had come by its calm.
[Appearances-Tenchi scenes deleted, to protect our more
sensitive viewers, who know that TENCHI would never do a
thing like that. At least not with a chainsaw, since he
has a perfectly good set of Wings of the Light Hawk.]
TENCHI: Man, you should see 'em chop when I set 'em ta spinnin'. Ole
Leatherhead ain't got nothin' on me!
> Early that morning, Aeka and Ryouko had made some kind of screwy bet
> with Mihoshi and Sasami (he hadn't actually been present for it),
> and the Pirate/Princess duo had promptly lost. The worst part was
> that the losers had forgotten to set the terms of the bet *before*
> they'd lost.
OSCIR: This all sounds vaguely familiar...
AUTHOR: But, but, but--
OSCIR: No... "BUTT!!"
ANONYMOUS AUTHOR: [looks up from a Lesbian 1/2 Doug-in, ERRR, doujin]
Someone rang?
FFIRC CHORUS: [tutti] HE LIVES!!!
AUTHOR: Yeah, didn't you check your mail today?
DOUG: WE'RE GETTING OFF THE SUBJECT!!
> [...] The younger
> Juraian princess knew she'd never have a chance like this again --
> well, anytime soon, anyway -- and had every intention of
> capitalizing on it. Nice, sweet, and generous she may be, but to get
> the whole picture of the person, one had to include mild
> deviousness,
SASAMI: I'm working on a naughty split
personality, but I can't get it right. [pout]
MISAO: I'm sure you'll figure it out, Sasami. [secretive smile]
...
I draw the line at Pretty Samy sketches. (Of course, that I've never seen any
PS doesn't help either. :P)
> a sometimes opportunistic sense of humor, and -- more
> importantly at the moment -- a willingness to make a certain pair
> pay up.
RANMA-SAMA: "she might have been" You shouldn't use the
present tense, right? [thinks] Although it does sound
like she's not nice anymore...
MISAO: [happy] You did it, Sasami!
Suggest putting this into a separate paragraph with an example.
"Nice, sweet and generous as she may have been, this was the
same girl who... She had an opportunistic..."
Hmmm, okay... I think. I'll need to go over it to see exactly what you mean,
but I get the drift.
> Sasami and Mihoshi emerged from the kitchen with glowing smiles, and
> Aeka and Ryouko started sweating many, very large drops. They
> huddled uncharacteristically close together for comfort, temporarily
> forgetting their rivalry.
RYOUKO: Ojou-sama!
Oujo-sama (I think - ask Vince)
AEKA: OHO HO HO HO!!!
10YEN-RANMA: You you PLEASE stop messing
with people's sexual orientation?!?
RANMA-SAMA: Hey, it's my job.
10YEN-RANMA: Just don't even think of using that mojo on me or
I'll... (um) [licks lips] H- Hey! stopit!
RANMA-SAMA: [blushes] Sorry. I still have
problems turning it off.
10YEN-RANMA: No such problems turning me on... [sweat]
RANMA-SAMA: [accidentally backs into Ryouko] *ZAP!* Oh, pardon me... Uh...
RYOUKO: [eyes burning with the emotion you're thinking of] Hotchaaaaa!!
RANMA-SAMA: ERRRK!!! [stumbles backward into Aeka] *XAP!* (I like the X
better. :P) Oh, no... ...mother...
AEKA: *CRACK THAT WHIP!* OUJOSAMA TO OYOBI, you strawberry tart you!
RANMA-SAMA: [buried under a pile of bodies] AAAAHHHH!!! HELP!! HELP MEEEE--
Oooooooo, a little slower...
AUTHOR: Sorry, Douglas, but you were heading down that slope anyway, so... :)
> "Aeka-oneesama. Ryouko-oneechan," Sasami pontificated. "Mihoshi and
> I, as winners, have decided on what we want."
MIHOSHI: Tenchi.
SASAMI: Yes. We'll share him, and you can have each other.
RYOUKO: Works for me.
AEKA: It is agreeable.
RYOUKO: I think Nobuyuki's home.
AEKA: Possible, but let us see whether Oniisama is otherwise engaged.
... Oh, I don't care anymore. :)
[...]
> "--then," Sasami continued without acknowledging her sister, "you
> will take us to Okayama Fun World for the afternoon."
o/~ Okayama Fun World... Okayama Fun World...
Where amusement never stops and only 10k yen a pop! o/~
/me toads Doug.
> Aeka and Ryouko sagged, while Mihoshi jumped up and down in delight.
> <All those screaming kids,> Ryouko thought. <All that money,> Aeka
> added.
RANMA-SAMA: Would Ayeka really think of the money? I'm
sure it's never been a problem for her in the past.
AEKA: Usually, no, I would not, but I have a hard time converting 235
quadrillion Jurai notes into ready cash here. I am forced to pawn a precious
bauble or two. *SIGH* Most of my baubles are at the bottom of the lake.
RYOUKO: You know, I should be able to make something out of that statement...
> "THEN, you two will take us to Chez Paul for dinner--"
>
> "FRENCH?!?!" Aeka screamed. Ryouko wasn't listening; she was still
> entertaining visions of a miniature horde on a sugar high.
WASHUU: In order to help Mihoshi enjoy the amusement park
[thinks] (so she'll stay there and out of my hair as
long as possible) [speaks] I've used my age-reduction
ray to turn her back into a child. She's a little
hyper, so be careful.
MIHOSHI: Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai!
[runs in circles, arms held out like plan wings]
I wanna fly! Fly, Ryo-chan! [grabs Ryoko's ear-tails]
RYOKO: help.
WASHUU: An instant preview of a miniature horde on a sugar high as Mihoshi
qualifies as a horde all by herself.
MIHOSHI: REALLY?! WAI! WAI!
*BAM!!*
MIHOSHI: ...ow...
AKANE: [Blinks at everyone blinking at her. Looks at a piece of paper in her
hand.] Isn't this the address for the "Buy a Malleting for Charity" visit?
> "And FINALLY, to the movie of our choice, with lots and lots of
> sodas, popcorn, candy, and whatever else we want." Sasami's posture
> brooked no dispute. Unfortunately, dispute was at the center of
> everything Aeka.
pl: soda
(Would you say "lots of waters"?)
*I* wouldn't... well, actually I do, on occasion, and I hear lots of kids say
it two. Isn't Sasami a kid?
AYEKA: That's a lie! I don't dispute
things just for the sake of dispute!
CLEESE: "Disputing" is two rooms down. This is "Insulting".
AEKA: Oh, my! [blushes] Pardon me. My... aren't you a *tall* one? Can I see
your hands?
CLEESE: [sweatdrops] ...
You KNEW a Python sketch was going to happen sooner or later, so quit
belly-aching about it. :P
> "No! Uh-uh! That's too much, Sasami! No bet worth's that much--"
>
> "The OTHER option," Sasami interrupted, with a hard glint in her
> eye, "is for you and Ryouko to do our chores, in addition to your
> own, for one month. Also, you will cook all meals and taste-test
> each others cooking before serving."
AYEKA: That's not fair! She doesn't HAVE a sense of taste!
RYOKO: Hah! [grins]
AYEKA: I mean, LOOK at that dress. It's SO last millennium!
I'm having trouble wrapping a joke around a millennial timeframe, so I, er, am
going to skip it. <WHEW!>
[...]
> Tenchi snickered as the memory ended with Aeka whispering to Ryouko,
> "How much money do you have?" and Ryouko amazingly pulling out empty
> pockets where there had previously been no pockets.
RYOKO: No problem. There's a bank on the way.
AYEKA: You have an account?
RYOKO: Huh? What's an "account"?
AYEKA: ...
RYOUKO: OHHH!! An ACCOUNT!! Oh, sure, Aeka. I've got Accounts EVERYwhere!!
Heeheeee!"
AEKA: ... (again)
[...]
> "Ranma 1/2: my favorite! Saffron and Phoenix Mountain, here I come."
> Tenchi became instantly lost in a world of super-powered martial
> artists and the villains that plague them.
TENCHI: I'm sorry, but I can't buy this at all.
ME read Ranma 1/2? Puh-LEASE!
10YEN-RANMA: [indignant] Hey!
{RYOUKO in theatrical aside: So you'll appreciate women more!}
{AEKA, also in theatrical aside, nods. :P}
TENCHI: I mean, why would I read it? A guy plagued with
multiple female admirers? Powerful fighting techniques
and enemies? Heck, I got all that!
{RYOUKO: Stamina!}
{AEKA: Experience!}
{RYOUKO: [looks at Aeka] Is experience that important to you?}
{AEKA: Of course!}
{RYOUKO: [thinking] Hmmm...}
10YEN-RANMA: [thinking] Ah yes, but soon you too will
know the horror of MALE admirers.
TENCHI: I guess I'd find it funny if Ranma had it worse than
me, but he doesn't! Female admirers? Take your pick!
Villains? I've got Kagato. Fighting techniques? I've
got kendo and the Light Hawk Wings.
10YEN-RANMA: Kendo? Is that a joke? That's not a real
martial art!
{RYOUKO: But the bokken are nice and looong. TATATATATATAWHEEEEEE!!!}
{AEKA: [sweatdrops] ...}
TENCHI: I could kick YOUR butt!
RANMA-SAMA: [smiling] It's so cute how you two fight.
[tilts head in thought] You know, you'd make a cute couple.
10YEN-RANMA and TENCHI: ...
RYOUKO: NOT ON YOUR LIFE, BUSTER!!! THAT BOKKEN BELONGS TO *ME*!!!
AEKA: Errr, what she said... sort of.
[A thought occurs to me, as amazing as that may sound, at this juncture. What
do you do when you're not C&C'ing? Sleep? Only? :) :) :) :) Man!!]
[...]
> Washuu walked out of the 'utility closet' and looked around. She
> strode into the dining room. No one. She peeked into the kitchen,
> expecting to at least see Sasami.
gram: expecting to see at least Sasami
(Don't split infinitives.)
10YEN-RANMA: Yeah, leave those splitting point techniques to Ryoga.
RYOUGA: [bursts through wall] WHY IS IT MY CURSE TO ALWAYS GET LOST?!?!
10YEN-RANMA: Yup! Right on cue...
(Point taken. :)
> "Moshi, moshi?" Empty. "Damn, where is everyone? I've got to get out
> of the lab more often. Should've checked my monitors, too."
Suggest putting the first sentence in the last paragraph,
since empty refers to the kitchen, which is only mentioned
in the previous paragraph.
Yes, I agree. Good call.
[...]
> "Might as well take a catnap."
10YEN-RANMA: [twitch]
> Quiet as a mouse and lost in thought,
RANMA-SAMA: Cat? Mouse? Is this what they mean by mixed metaphor?
STRUNK: Only if the quiet as a cat ate the mousenap. Otherwise, they're
independent.
WHITE: [looks at partner, little-sweating] You REALLY should've stayed away
from Ginsburg, man.
> she climbed the two flights of stairs to where carrot pillows invite
> weary scientists to snooze. Washuu immediately brightened when she
> saw Tenchi laid out and reading with his back to her. She softly
> padded up behind him.
10YEN-RANMA: Man, his danger sense is WEAK.
GENMA: No doubt his fool sensei never threw him
out the window first thing in the morning.
KASTSUHIKO: [crying] It's true! I've failed my grandson!
KATSUHITO: Excuse me, but who are you?
KASTSUHIKO: Errr, isn't this Urusei Yatsura?
KATSUHITO: [sweats] Two studios down, and then to the right.
KASTSUHIKO: Cheers, Mate! [Exit, stage left]
> "TENCHI-DONO!!"
>
> "YAAAAHHH!!!" The manga went flying, and Tenchi rolled off the
> carrot pillow, clutching his heart with his right hand.
RANMA-SAMA: [becomming interested] And his left hand?
10YEN-RANMA: [inches away from RANMA-SAMA]
...only to back into Akane's *right* hand.
10YEN-RANMA: Ummm, lover? Why are you doing THAT in public?
AKANE: [points to the soda machine]
10YEN-RANMA: ...
RANMA-SAMA: She really does love you; you just need to overlook a few little
quirks here and there...
10YEN-RANMA: Like the fact that Akane no longer carries a purse?
RANMA-SAMA: [dithers] Well...
> *HUFF HUFF PUFF* "WAAAshuu-chan! Don't DO that!!" *HUFF PUFF*
>
> Washuu was rolling on the floor, howling in laughter. Disgruntled,
> Tenchi retrieved his manga and sat back down on the pillow. Washuu's
> laughter slowly wound down, and she climbed up onto the next pillow
> over.
RANMA-SAMA: [grinning] "That's not a pillow!"
10YEN-RANMA: He's not a girl yet, idiot.
TENCHI: "Yet?" What does that mean?
10YEN-RANMA: Uh, nothing. Nothing.
TENCHI: [looks off-camera-center at the director] Look! What WAS on those
pages you wouldn't show me?!
DIRECTOR: [waves hands placatingly] Nothing! Nada! Besides, Tsunami approved
the whole thing!
TENCHI: Oh... well, I guess that's okay then...
TSUNAMI: [hiding in her trailer, laughing her fool head off]
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!
> "Heh, do you, heh heh, mind if I join you? Heh."
MECHA-MINISTER: I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may now kiss the World's Greatest Scientist.
WASHUU: [blushing] I'm so happy...
TENCHI: [frantic] I didn't mean in holy matrimony!
REAL-WASHUU: MECHA-WASHUU, UNHAND TENCHI-DONO!!
MECHA-WASHUU: Too late! Teehee!
WASHUU: Hey! You're supposed to have Ryou-ou-ki's mind data!
MECHA-WASHUU: Oopsie! [looks up at Tenchi with kawaii eyes] Miya?
TENCHI: Oh! Well, that's all right, then. Are you fully functional?
CAST: [facefaults]
MECHA-WASHUU: MIYAAA! Err, quite.
[...]
> "Thanks, Tenchi! I needed a good laugh."
>
> "I would say 'anytime', but..."
TENCHI: ...You might take me literally.
WASHUU: But you just said 'anytime'.
TENCHI: No, no, I was speaking hypothetically... sort of. Is that the right
word?
WASHUU: [eyes sparkling] I just LOVE it when you get all technical on me.
TENCHI: EEP!
> "Heh, that's all right. Sorry if I scared you... too much." Washuu
> broke into a wide and crooked smirk. "What're ya doin', anyway?"
>
> Tenchi shrugged. "Just reading."
>
> "Let me see." Tenchi handed her the manga, and she studied the
> cover. "Ranma 1/2? What a strange title."
suggest: strange title. Is it any good?"
(Otherwise...)
> "Actually, it's hilarious."
(...This sounds really weird.)
I'm not entirely sure I see what you're getting at. Could you explain further
or give your entire suggested revision?
RANMA-SAMA: What's so funny about the title Ranma Nibunnoichi?
TENCHI: [waving arms] I meant the book! The book is funny.
RANMA-SAMA: Are you saying my life is a
joke to you? Divine Retribution! [ZAP!]
TENCHI: [smolders]
ATARU: I feel a chill down my spine.
CHERRY: Most ominous.
TENCHI: [stars in eyes, bulge in pants] Oh, Ranma-sama...!
RANMA-SAMA: Oops, wrong juice.
ATARU: Now I REALLY feel a chill!
LUM: Ooh, can you show me how to do that?
ATARU: !!!
Well, that skit pretty much says it all. :)
> "Oh? What's it about?"
>
> "It's a really *long* story, but in a nutshell, it's about this
> martial artist with a curse. The curse turns him into a girl
> whenever he's splashed with cold water. He turns back with warm or
> hot water. He's also engaged to the kami know how many women,
GENMA: TWO! It's just two! Why must
everyone think the worst of me?!?
ANIME-GENMA: [sympathetic] I have no idea.
FANFIC-GENMA: You're both a couple of wimps. Just throw the boy into the SoD
Twins over and over. Problem solved.
OTHER GENMAS: ...! Why didn't we think of that?!
TAKAHASHI: [wearing a clown suit, leans into the frame] BOOONG!!! Start
again!
> all
> arranged by his father (who's also cursed, but he turns into a giant
> panda). He, Ranma that is, also has women who aren't engaged to him
> chasing him around."
10YEN-RANMA: You forgot the part about how the guys that hate
boy-type Ranma fall in love with my girl-type body.
RANMA-SAMA: Thanks to a certain mercenary, money-grabbing
sister who sells pictures of your hot body.
10YEN-RANMA: Don't remind me.
RANMA-SAMA: Although you liked the "money-grabbing" part.
[wink wink nudge nudge]
10YEN-RANMA: I'm going to have to kill you, now.
RANMA-SAMA: [holds up a roll of American silver dollars] Shall we dance?
10YEN-RANMA: Kill?! Did I say 'kill'?! Perish the thought! HAHAHAHA!!!
[multiple sweatdrops]
RANMA-SAMA: Spoilsport.
AKANE: Can I see those?
> "Sound familiar?" Washuu quipped.
suggest: "Sounds familiar."
(This doesn't feel like a question.)
Hmmm, no, I don't see that at all.
[...]
> Washuu studied the girl on the cover again. "So... Ranma can change
> his sex with just the application of the right temperature of water?
> Interesting..."
>
> Tenchi bigsweated. "Uhhh, what do you mean by that?"
WASHU: Do you really want to hear the answer, Tenchi? :)
TENCHI: Anou...
AUTHOR: [looks around for Gary...]
> Washuu blinked and looked at Tenchi. A devilish smile grew on her
> face. "Changing sexes sounds like fun. Does he completely change?
> Inside and out?"
10YEN-RANMA: Lie! Lie, you fool!
RANMA-SAMA: And miss out on having a baby?!
10YEN-RANMA and TENCHI: YAAAH!!!
> Tenchi's nervousness went up another notch. "Yeah, I, er, believe
> so. Why?" His voice cracked on the last word.
10YEN-RANMA: No! Now she's gonna make sure your girl-type body
is pumped full of horomones, messing with your head. You'll
be a girly pervert, like this Ranma. [points at companion]
RANMA-SAMA: ExCUSE me? WHO'S the pervert. *I* didn't
ask for my problem, Little Miss Vending Machine!
[Scenes of violence omitted]
10YEN-RANMA: Of course you know whose fault all this REALLY is...
ASSORTED RANMAS AND ONNA-TENCHI: [glare out of the computer screen at the
author]
AUTHOR: ... heh ... Does this count as my first revenge fic?
[Scenes of violence omitted]
AUTHOR: ...yeah... I guess it does... ouch...
> She abruptly changed the subject. "By the way, Tenchi-dono.
WASHU: On a COMPLETELY unrelated subject...
TENCHI: Something completely different?
WASHUU: [scratches head] What?
TENCHI: Never mind.
> I could
> really *use* you in the lab for a little while. *Nooo* one's home. I
> still haven't gotten that sam--"
>
> "AAAH! HAHAHA! Look at the time! HAHA! I promised Ryou-ou-ki some
> carrots today, HAHA! So..." Tenchi hopped up onto his feet and was
> running in place.
You're using *asterisks* and CAPS for emphasis.
You might want to be more consistent.
10YEN-RANMA: Bah, consistency is for the simple-minded!
RANMA-SAMA: Just the answer I would have expected from you. :j
RANMA-SAMA: [shouting or speaking loudly] I DON'T KNOW... I THINK CAPS WORK
PRETTY WELL.
10YEN-RANMA: [speaking with inflectional stress] You are *such* an
exhibitionist.
RANMA-SAMA: [pulls down one side of her goddess robe] And *don't* you forget
it. Busy? Spare me about twenty minutes... or *more*?
10YEN-RANMA: GAAAH!!! Put your clothes back on!!
> "Ne, Tenchi! It'll only take a *minute*! I'll put on a different
> outfit for you." She winked at him.
10YEN-RANMA: And here come's the nurse's outfit.
RANMA-SAMA: The question is: is it for Washuu... or Tenchi? ^_^
TENCHI: Male nurse? I don't get it.
RANMA-SAMA: Forget it. You've ruined the mood.
TENCHI: [scratches head] ...
> Tenchi waved his hands in front of the scientist.
[goosh]
TENCHI: Aheh...
WASHU: That's the spirit!
Again, that says it all! Good night, folks!
> "NOOOO, don't put
> yourself out-- ERRR, I didn't... Don't take that the wrong way!!
> AAAAH! Gotta go! See ya!" Tenchi set a personal best getting to the
> carrot fields.
RANMA-SAMA: Tenchi is showing some small
level of self-preservation, I see.
10YEN-RANMA: Would you call that Out Of Characer behavior?
RANMA-SAMA: Nah. More like giving Tenchi a fighting chance.
DAVE: Or at least the illusion of a fighting chance. ^_^
:j
> Washuu snickered as she watched Tenchi tear out of the house. "He's
> so much fun to tease." She picked up the discarded manga, looking at
RANMA-SAMA: suggest "so much fun to grease" ;)
10YEN-RANMA: ...
WASHUU: Gah. Don't give it *all* away, stupid!
> the girl on the cover. "A *complete* sex change with every splash.
> Sounds like an interesting diversion. Just what I needed to chase
> away the blues: a redhead. Can't beat 'em!"
AKANE: It's true. I've tried tables, mallets, shinais,
fists, and feet, but none of them keep a redhead down.
RANMA-SAMA: I thought the idea was to keep it up?
AKANE: ... Get with the program, pervert! That's for when you're *not* a
redhead.
TENCHI: Is there something about her I should know? When isn't she a redhead?
RANMA-SAMA: Never you mind, teehee. Go back to your story. You'll find out
soon enough.
TENCHI: [sighing] I despise redheads.
RANMA-SAMA: Careful what you don't wish for, Bub.
[...]
> "Cover page? No. Page 1? No. Page 2? No. Page... The girl with the
> wings is really built, but no..." Washuu continued through the text,
> until...
KODACHI: OHO HO HO HO! She should scan me.
I am the most beautiful of all.
SHAMPOO: Shampoo is most sexy-type girl!
KODACHI: That's "most sexed", dear. [cruel smile]
SHAMPOO: You calling Shampoo Lady of Night?
KODACHI: No, *I* am a Lady of the Night. You're a slut.
SHAMPOO: Ooh! Shampoo kill!
KODACHI: OHO HO HO HO!
ASUZA: Asuza thinks she's the cutest...
KODACHI: [narrows her eyes at Asuza] Cute is as cute does, which is to say,
very little. Now *beauty* is where the fun is. Ne, Ranma?
TotH-RANMA: Haven't we covered this ground already?
RANMA-SAMA: [fans herself] Not enough times, by my count.
10YEN-RANMA: Akane, let's scram. I'll teach you to make change.
AKANE: [shivers] Oooooo!
NotC-RANMA: [looks at Ranma-sama strangely] What? Your voice suddenly dropped
out.
AKIRA: SEE?!?! SEE?!?!?!
/me waves.
> "Yes!" She touched one of the characters on the holographically
> displayed manga page, and the figure became highlighted in bright
> blue. "Load all instances of this character, extrapolate to three
> dimensions, average, and display." The machine complied.
RANMA-SAMA: Obviously, she must have scanned ME.
AKANE: It doesn't say. She could have scanned me.
RANMA-SAMA: You? HA! She's looking for someone who's BUILT.
AKANE: RrranMA!
RANMA: [cowering] Eep.
AYEKA: Wh- What are you doing?!?
AZAKA: Help!
[Pan back to see a handle crudely attached to
AZAKA, whom she is weilding as a mallet.]
RYOUKO: [looks all around Kamidake] So where's the hole for the handle?
KAMIDAKE: [bigsweats] That sounds distinctly uncomfortable.
[...]
> "Better. Hmmm." She tweaked the model's dimensions a little more,
> drawing on her own knowledge of human standards of beauty. "There!
> Hey, that's not too bad! Those need to be augmented, though." She
> tweaked slightly more.
RANMA-SAMA: Glossing over Washu's toe-fetish was probably a good
idea. You don't want to alarm too many of your readers.
AUTHOR: DAMN!! I just *knew* I'd forgotten something!
WASHUU: Yes, and I want to speak to you about that.
AUTHOR: EEP!
[...]
> "Hair, hair, hair." One of her crab-leg forelocks waved in front of
> her eye. "Red! Is there any other color? Take a little of that
> displaced mass, don't send it to the pocket dimension, yes, yes."
10YEN-RANMA: I was so sure it was going to be green.
RANMA-SAMA: You mean this fic isn't supposed to explain
the origin of Kiyone? [scratches head]
10YEN-RANMA: Isn't she dead?
KIYONE: I get that alot.
RANMAS: YAAAH!!!
[...]
> "Default internal structure in place. Now for some adjustments.
> Hmmm. Increase that response 45%, that bit, um, 55%, and that 35%.
> Increase number of terminal ganglion clusters to accommodate load
> increase, yes, yes. Heighten stimulus to those centers when that
> happens, increase somatic responses accordingly..." She paused and
> snickered. "Somatic responses, indeed! Let's see, um, yes, yes,
> yes..."
RANMA-SAMA: These are all Bad Things, by the way.
10YEN-RANMA: Yeah, we're not sure what they are,
but we know they're Bad. We're men! MEN, damnit!
RANMA-SAMA: Well, Tenchi IS kinda a wuss, but even
he doesn't deserve what's about to happen.
ONNA-TENCHI from the future: Oh, I don't-- AAAH!! OOOH!!! --know. There are--
EEE!!! Oh, YES!!! --worse things that-- "YAAAAAAAAA!!!(operatic
warble)" --could've happened.
RANMAS: ...
[...]
> Washuu put the finishing touches on her work and crowed. "YES! This
> was so much fun! I feel 837.15% better!" She gazed at the big red
> button that would set everything in motion, and her face fell.
The big red button. The candy-like red button.
How could you NOT push it?!?
It does sort of draw one in, doesn't it? :)
> "Aw, nuts. I can't do that to him. It wouldn't be a very nice thing
> to do [...]
WASHU: Katsuhiko, on the other hand...
[In the Shrine]
YOSHO: [byoing] Eep.
KATSUHITO: YOU again?
KATSUHIKO: No, a different one. I'm your stunt double.
KATSUHITO: Oh... Well, thanks for stepping in for that one.
> She typed in a file name: Onna-Tenchi. She paused and then grinned,
> typing 'Muyou!' after it. She cackled aloud at her pun and leaned
> back in her chair, jostling a piece of equipment behind her. She
> heard a soft 'plop' and whipped her head around, a terrible feeling
> gripping her. With a shout of "NO!" she spied Mihoshi's Galaxy
> Police uniform hat sitting on the auxiliary control console. It had
> apparently fallen from some precarious perch at about eye-level and
> landed on the secondary big red button. Washuu's eye twitched, and
> the surrounding machinery suddenly sprang to life.
YUKINOJO: Ah, a Mihoshi proxy. Even her uniforms are clumsy.
Although why she's leaving uniforms in Washu's lab...
MIHOSHI: [blushes]
WASHU: No! I won't have this innuendo!
This is how rumors get started! [frantic]
RANMA-SAMA: Don't worry, as the Goddess of Sex, I'll help you
overcome your fears and admit your love to Mihoshi...
[Scene closes on Washu's screams.]
PRIEST: I now pronounce you... er...
KAPPA-PRIEST: Ribbit.
WASHUU: Well, he deserved it!
> A disembodied voice announced, "Transformation Process Engaged."
RANMA-SAMA: [twitching] It's horrible! Horrible! Changed into
a woman becuase of a computer error! There is no greater
tragedy in the world! [breaks down sobbing]
TENCHI: What's with her?
10YEN-RANMA: Flashback. She'll be okay in an hour... or after lots and lots
of sex.
TENCHI: [eyes gleaming] Aaaah!
REAL-TENCHI: Hey! You're not me! That's OOC!
MOCK-TENCHI: Well, so what?! You're such a wuss! Your dad should be a
grandfather five times over by now!
REAL-TENCHI: GAAAACK! ACKACKACKACKACK...
MOCK-TENCHI: What's with him?
10YEN-RANMA: Flashforward.
MOCK-TENCHI: Ah.
> "AAACK!!" Washuu's fingers flew over her own console, trying to halt
> the procedure. A holo-computer panel sprang up, and she read the
> following line: "Interruption of process has an 86.7385% chance of
> voiding test subject. Do you wish to cancel the process?"
>
> Without even thinking about it, Washuu hit "NO". She put her face in
> her hands and waited for the procedure to run its course.
10YEN-RANMA: Right, make it look like it's not her fault.
[bitter] Hell, we can't even blame it on Mihoshi; she
wasn't even there.
WASHU: Why do you need to blame it on anyone?
10YEN-RANMA: Well... It's gotta be someone's fault.
And for once I can't blame my Pop or the old goat.
RYOKO: I blame you, Ranma. It's always your fault.
10YEN-RANMA: Uh, that's a new look for you, Ryoga...
WASHU: Geez, take that headband out of your hair!
RYOKO: [whines] But it's all spiky!
LOL!!! /me falls out of chair. :)
I simply cannot think of any way to improve on that. :) :) ;)
[...]
> Tenchi yawned as Ranma got splashed for the umpteenth time. <If he
> wasn't so cute and sexy as a girl, this would've probably gotten old
> by now. Thank Kamisama for fan service,> he thought.
RANMA-SAMA: He says "You're welcome." Oh, and "watch out."
The Norns in cheerleading outfits: GOOOO, KAMISAMAAAAA!!!
KAMISAMA: Oh, do stop! [blushes] By the way, Urd. What are you doing tonight?
Ranma-chan's coming over and I thought... well...
URD: [facefaults] URK!!! [rises to her feet] You KNOW that it's all an act,
right? That's part of my characterization!
KAMISAMA: Just a test! <Sorta> You passed! <Darn it!>
I'm gonna burn for that one. I'm already looking at the travel brochures... :)
[...]
> As he reached the landing, a sudden, tingling warmth and a wave of
> dizziness washed over him, and he grabbed the banister for support.
WASHU: It tingles, to let you know it's working!
TENCHI: This isn't shampoo we're talking about here!
You left me that opening on purpose, didn't you? Well, never let it be said
that I am unappreciative...
SHAMPOO: NIHAAOOOOO!!! Shampoo tingle every time see Airen! Do Airen tingle
too?
CANON-RANMA: [bigsweats, then brightens] Hey! Look at me! I'm a camera!!
Click, whirrrr. Click, whirrrr.
CAST: ...
TENCHI: [glomps Shampoo] HEY! YEAH! I'm tingling!!
SHAMPOO: AIYAH!!! Silly wuss-boy get off!
TENCHI: Well, that *was* the idea...
RANMA-SAMA: [glomps Shampoo, too] I'll help!
*XAAAAP!!!*
REAL-TENCHI: [runs up and starts whacking, er, whapping Mock-Tenchi on the,
er, head with his, ah, bokken? ...I need a new writer, SHEESH!] OOC!! OOC!!
OOC!!
MOCK-TENCHI: [says to Shampoo] That guy's a real pain.
SHAMPOO: Pains is for killing!
RANMA-SAMA: You go, girl!
DOUG: ... Was there a point to this?
DAVE: Sure! Sex, sex, and more sex.
HIROSHI & DAISUKE: Count us in!!
DOUG & DAVE: ...
[...]
> Aeka reached him first, and Mihoshi was hot on her heels... for a
> second. In order to negotiate a turn around a piece of furniture,
> Mihoshi had crossed her right foot over her left, but didn't adjust
> the path of her left foot when it moved forward. As a result, she
> quickly found inertia and gravity propelling her to the horizontal.
Is there any furniture to negotiate between the front door and
the stairs? All I can recall is the depression for the shoes.
Maybe she could trip over that step?
Hmmm, I thought there was a couch. Well, she can always trip on the depression
lip.
> She fanned her arms as she fell, and her giant theater soda went
> flying. Everyone at the bottom of the stairs was drenched as they
> watched Mihoshi hit the floor.
10YEN-RANMA: You'd think Ryoko would learn to phase out
so these things don't happen.
RANMA-SAMA: Washu's probably installed an auto-wash/dry
feature to Ryoko, anyway, so it doesn't matter if she
gets dirty.
10YEN-RANMA: Hmmm, that sounds handy. I wonder if she would fix me up with
that?
WASHUU: WAAAAAHAHAHAAAA!!! Another guinea pig, fresh for the slaughter!
10YEN-RANMA: Uh... [she and Washuu disappear]
RANMA-SAMA: [smirking] Careful what you *do* wish for. Now Shampoo. Where
were we?
SHAMPOO: Put hand there!
RANMA-SAMA: Oh, yes. How silly of me to forget.
SHAMPOO: Is okay. I forgive.
/me whips head back and forth. "Get out of that groove!!"
AUTHOR: Doug! This is all YOUR fault!!
RYOUGA: No, no. Ranma, remember?
:P
> "WAAAAHH!" Mihoshi began to bawl. Feeling suddenly strange again,
> Tenchi leaned back against the stairs and closed his eyes as the
> female cast sighed and helped the crying Galaxy Policewoman to her
> feet. As a group they turned back to Tenchi and halted after one
> step.
What, Mihoshi doesn't get to trip into Tenchi's
brand-new frontal cushioning system? ^_^;
Not yet... Oooo, you made me say that! :P
[...]
> Tenchi scrambled back up the stairway a short distance. "WHAT?!" he
> screeched in a very high-pitched voice. "EEP!" His hands flew to the
> mouth that strange voice had come from, but before he could
> investigate further, he found himself staring at the business end of
> Ryouko's sword.
RANMA-SAMA: Straight to the phallic imagery, I see. [nod nod]
10YEN-RANMA: Dave is a perv!
AUTHOR: OI! OI! I think we can dispense with the name calling! Besides, who
better to hold the phallic representation than Ryouko-chan?
RANMAS: GRRR!
[Scenes of more violence omitted.]
HEARTS'-RANMA: I fail to see the problem. I say, do you want some medical
help?
AUTHOR: [gasping] ...yeeess...
HEARTS'-RANMA: Here's a few ten yen. You can call for some. [Hearts'-Ranma
and 10Yen-Ranma trade high fives...]
> "What've you done with MY Tenchi?!?!" Ryouko demanded. "Fess' up,
> ojouchan, before I stroke you with this!"
>
> "Ryouko! I'm... EEP!" There was that voice, again.
RYOKO: Was that a burp? Good lord, she's eaten him
whole! I'll cut open her belly and set him free!
TENCHI: I am not a tauntaun!
LOL!!!
Laser fire erupts all over the household as Imperial Stormtroopers rush
through, chasing a fleeing Han Solo. After a moment, the troopers run back,
chased by a wildman, firing relentlessly. Solo stops and lazily salutes the
gathered women.
"Pardon the interruption, ladies, but I've got some evil butt ta kick!" He
pauses, and then grabs Aeka and pulls her into a heady, open-mouthed kiss. The
princess sags bonelessly. Solo breaks the lock and grins crookedly.
"I can never resist a princess." He dashes off to save the day.
Aeka falls to her knees, panting. "What... a maaan!"
Ryouko, envious, agrees, "You said it, sister."
"Hmph! I don't see what's so great about him." Tenchi crosses his arms, and
then looks over at the girls. "He's a stereotype!"
With half-lidded stares, pirate and princess say in unison, "And your point
is?"
----------------
> "Look here, harridan! Where is Tenchi-sama?!" Aeka was crowding in,
> and her logs were following.
RANMA-SAMA: So, energy sword, or hundreds of "log"s?
[arches eyebrow] Is Mihoshi the only one not
bristling with phallic symbols?
AZAKA: Is there a point to this?
KAMIDAKE: Bad word choice.
AZAKA: ... ARGH!
MIHOSHI: I don't need phallic symbols. I already
have someone I like... [blushes] Oh, my!
WASHU: [from lab] Help! Mishoshi's got me bound up in
my own mechanical arms. Please! She said she's coming
back with green hair dye!
TOKEN-FANFIC-KIYONE: Oh, hush. You know you love it. And besides, at least
you're *in* this continuum. I'm just the much-debated, putative partner to
bubblebrain over there. Sheesh!
WASHUU: But Mihoshi's STORY!!
TF-KIYONE: [raises an eyebrow] Do YOU remember being there?
WASHUU: [wilts]
MIHOSHI: OOOOH, WAAAASHUUUU-SAAAAAN!! [Mihoshi has a remote control in her
hand.] What does the 'insert' button do? Let's find out!
WASHUU: URK!!!
TF-KIYONE: Hehehehe.
> While the princess and the pirate harangued the confused Tenchi,
> Sasami had been looking at the TV, looking at Mihoshi's spilled
> soda, looking at Tenchi, and back around and around. Mihoshi wasn't
> entirely sure if what was going on was her fault or not.
KEI: Of course it's not your fault!
YURI: Yes, I'm sure the G.P. central computer
will clear you of any wrongdoing.
EEEH?! Who are THEY?! Okay, I'm lost.
> "Ryouko! Aeka-san! It's me, Tenchi! And what the hell is wrong with
> my voice?!?!"
>
> "Look, you. Tenchi's 100% man! You, obviously, are not!" Ryouko
> reached down and strongly squeezed a large and well-formed breast.
suggest: and squeezed ... a large, well-formed
("Strongly squeezed" just doesn't read well. And I'm
not sure how much it adds over just plain squeezed.)
Agreed.
["Pulp" joke omitted for taste]
Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)
RANMA-SAMA: Why do they always squeeze the
breasts, first? [pout] Please don't do that.
10YEN-RANMA: We've scretly replaced Ryoko with
Nabiki. Let's see if anyone notices...
RANMA-SAMA: But Tenchi isn't really a Ranma, so he won't know the difference.
10YEN-RANMA: So?
RANMA-SAMA: [grinning] Oooh, you're so baaad!
10YEN-RANMA: [smirks]
> "ITAAAIII!" Tenchi screamed. "That HURT! I don't know what your
> prob... lem... is..." Tenchi stared at Ryouko's hand still resting
> on the breast. "Ano... what ARE these?" He reached up and
> tentatively squeezed the two objects sitting under his shirt. The
> sensation he received was... unexpected. "AH! KAMISAMA!! What ARE
> these?!?!"
>
> Ryouko rolled her eyes. "They're TITS, you moron, as if you didn't
> know--"
TENCHI: I didn't have them yesterday!
RYOKO: Quick bloomer.
RYOUKO: Sooo, princess. What's your excuse?
AEKA: ...grrr...
> "I know perfectly well what, erm, breasts are, thank you very much,
> Ryouko! But why do *I* have them?!"
>
> "Because you're a girl," Aeka said flatly.
>
> "Hey! I'm a GUY, damn it!"
AYEKA: Oh, no. I'm not falling for THAT again! The
person with the wonderful purple hair CLAIMED she was
just cursed to have a girl's body, and knew how to break
the spell, but no matter how many times we had sex--
ALIELLE: This time for sure!
AYEKA: Oh, very well. Just just this one last time.
O_O @_@ *_* Talk about MEEEE, will you?! :)
> "ARGH!!!" Energy crackled all over Ryouko's body. "We're getting off
> the subject!! WHERE. IS. TENCHI!!!"
Suggest you put a question mark in there somewhere.
Oopsie! Agreed.
> "I'M. RIGHT. HERE, RYO--"
>
> "COOOOLLLL!!!" Sasami had finally put all the pieces together,
TENCHI: Oh, good! Did you find my missing thing?
I really miss that thing. [pout]
/me facefaults.
<sick skit>
TENCHI: Well, I'm ready to take it back.
SASAMI: Anou... It wasn't there, and then it was, and, and, and now it's, um,
attached.
TENCHI: ERRRK!!! That's MINE!!
SASAMI: Gomen nasai, Tenchi-niichan.
TENCHI: [sighs, defeated by the kawaii little-girl rays] Oh, well, that's
okay, Sasami-chan. [The other girls, however...]
OTHER GIRLS: REALLY, SASAMI-CHAN?!?! [BIG kawaii eyes sparkling wide in
speculation of the evening's entertainment...]
SASAMI: [presents warding signs] ERRRK!!!!
</sick skit>
[...]
> The girls turned and stared at Tenchi, who was, at the moment,
> feeling all over the strange body under her hands. A look of horror
> grew on Tenchi's face.
TENCHI: I'm only a C-cup!
WASHUU: [pushes a button]
*BOING!*
TENCHI: URRK!! Er, how far up do the sizes go?
RYOUKO: [one eyebrow raised] Not *that* far... Oi! Aeka-hime! What's that
number for the dancing bar you flunked out of?!
AEKA: ...grrr...
[...]
> Tenchi looked at the breasts. <They're HUGE! Well... large, at
> least.> Tenchi looked at the waspish waist, the flare of the hips,
> the firm and well-shaped legs.
RANMA-SAMA: Time to start adjusting, Tenchi. "Tenchi looked
at *her* breasts... *her* waist... *her* legs."
Suggestion? Hmmm, will consider. She *is* looking in the mirror, and I think
I've still refrained from using feminine pronouns, so the distancing may be
desirable, in this case, to enhance the revelation in the following paragraph.
> "Oh, no. I'm... I'm..." Everyone leaned in. "I'm a GIRL!" The women
> tipped the rest of the way over and face-faulted. Ryouko was the
> first up, and she looked at the redhead in confusion.
>
> "Te-Te-Tenchi?" Ryouko asked in an unsteady voice.
>
> "Hai. It's me."
TENCHI: Mou... I must look a fright.
And my HAIR'S all messed up!
RYOUKO: [rolls her eyes] You're such a *princess*, Tenchi.
TENCHI: Why, thank you!
AEKA: HEY! *WHO'S* a PRINCESS?!
CANON-RANMA: [bursts into the room] Look at me!! I'm a camera!!!
'Click-whirrr. Click-whirrr--'
[Omit scenes of terrible violence upon the person of one, Saotome Ranma and
his click-whirr self.]
:) You just knew that sooner or later, when you least expect it... SOMEone was
going to pull that joke out of the hat. :)
> "How... how..."
10YEN-RANMA: Looks like we'll have to explain
the birds and the bees to this one.
RANMA-SAMA: Not to mention the manipulative
godlike beings... [grin]
10YEN-RANMA: I think you're getting into this
Goddess thing too much.
RANMA-SAMA: [sidles up to 10yen-Ranma] Would you like to get into this
goddess's thing?
10YEN-RANMA: [sighs] Oh... what the hell...
{{{{{censored}}}}}
{...]
RANMA-SAMA: Was it good for you?
10YEN-RANMA: Mmmmm, yes. Hey, did someone take a picture of us?
[in the distance...] "click-whirrrr, click-whirrrr..."
[...]
> "Wait a second, Ryouko." Tenchi closed her eyes with a grimace and
> slowly, ever so slowly reached her hand down to check...
>
> Tenchi's eyes flew open. "WAAAAH! It's GONE!"
TENCHI: The only thing left is this slit! And this thing, here.
Ooh! Well that doesn't... Oh, my! Um... Maybe I won't miss
it too much. [excuses self] If you need me I'll be in the
bathroom...
Well, good night, folks! And have a safe trip home!! [Yakko exits stage
right...]
> Ryouko clapped her hands together twice and bowed, silently saying a
> Shinto prayer.
RANMA-SAMA: Aku Ryo Tai San?
10YEN-RANMA: Ryoko?!?
RANMA-SAMA: Yeah, maybe not.
RYOUKO: [whispering her chant] Will It Come Back?
BOOMING VOICE: THAT'S FOR ME TO KNOW AND YOU TO PRAY FOR!
RYOUKO: Grrr. Cheap Japanese gods. [shakes her fist at the ceiling] Hey! I
gave ten yen at the last shrine!
BOOMING VOICE: NOW YOU KNOW WHY I WON'T TELL YOU.
RYOUKO: ... I don't get it.
10YEN-RANMA: [whistles innocently]
> "I, for one, do not believe it!" Aeka voiced in her most regal tone.
> "You will have to prove it... 'girl'!" Everyone scratched their
> heads, but it was Mihoshi who came up with the answer. She leaned
> over and whispered in Tenchi's ear, and Tenchi immediately
> brightened.
TENCHI: Remember the time you, me, and Mihoshi had that three-way--?
AYEKA: [blushing madly] Alright! I believe you.
RYOUKO: [scribbling furiously] WAIT! WAIT! Tenchi, Mihoshi, and WHO?!
AEKA: ...
[...]
> Tenchi pulled the Tenchiken from... somewhere, and the blade sprang
> to life. Aeka wilted; Tenchi had provided the proof she'd wanted.
AYEKA: Didn't it used to be blue-tinged?
RYOKO: Yeah, that's more of a pink...
TENCHI: ...
LOL!!!
RYOUKO: Hey, Tenchi. What else has turned pink on you?
TENCHI: ACK! Ryouko! Get your hand outta my... Oh, myyy....
AEKA: [fanning herself and thinking] I just had to be born into a culture
espousing co-wives...
[...]
> At the unassuming door to Washuu's interdimensional laboratory, all
> was quiet until the rumbling of many feet rose to a deafening roar,
> but before anyone could pound on the innocent door, it opened.
> Washuu looked out bleakly, clutching something in her hand.
WASHU: I'm sorry. [hangs head] I couldn't re-attach it.
GIRLS: Noooo!
[Yes, that includes Tenchi. ;) ]
/me shivers.
[...]
> Mihoshi started bawling, and Washuu immediately felt contrite.
> "S-Sorry, Mihoshi-dono."
Washu calls Mihoshi -dono?
Yes, she does. Quit watching the dubs! :)
For certain, OAV 13, Washuu and Funaho's conversation on the stairs, near the
end of it.
> Tenchi jumped as Mihoshi gathered her up in a hug, easily picking
> her up off the floor and mashing her face into a generous breast,
> and started bawling at the top of Tenchi's head. "I'm so SORRY,
> Tenchi! I can't do anything right! WAAAH!!"
>
> Tenchi fanned her arms frantically, but the movement began to slow
> as her body began to quiver.
>
> "Uh... Mihoshi," Ryouko offered, "I think you need to, ah, let her
> go."
suggest: let him go
(How quickly she forgets his gender...)
Well, that was what the 'ah' was for...
> The Galaxy Policewoman instantly stopped bawling and peered at
> Ryouko. "Whaaat?"
suggest: What?
(I don't really know why you've drawn it out.)
She says it that way in one of the few dubs I've seen. /me hangs head in
shame... :P
> Ryouko pointed down to the limp Tenchi in Mihoshi's arms.
RANMA-SAMA: She's not limp! She's firm and well-bodied. :D
10YEN-RANMA: [stares in horror at mirror self] Wh- What?
RANMA-SAMA: I'm the Goddess of Sex.
I have to think of these things.
10YEN-RANMA: [thinking] Great, he's
finally gone off the deep end.
NotC-RANMA: He? He who?
AKIRA: SEE?! SEE?!?!
;P
> "EEK!" Mihoshi dropped Tenchi to her feet, and the brand-new girl
> actually managed to stay upright, if a bit wobbly.
RANMA-SAMA: Give her some time to break in, and she'll be as
malleable as Mihoshi could want. ^o^
10YEN-RANMA: [covering ears] Shutup shutup shutup!
:) :0 :D
RANMA-SAMA: BOOHOO!! Have you forgotten our little tryst a few paragraphs
ago.
10YEN-RANMA: Have I? Not yet... Gimme a minute.
> Mihoshi bent down to look her in the face. "I'm so sorry, Tenchi!"
>
> "Noooo worries," Tenchi said slowly, slack jawed and eyes glazed
> over. "I'm just peeeachy."
RANMA-SAMA: [raises eyebrows] And now the peach metaphor--
10YEN-RANMA: [left the room]
RYOUKO: Peaches are good...
AEKA: [nodnods]
SASAMI: I looove peaches. [She stops and looks at everyone looking at her.]
WHAT?!
> Mihoshi straightened and smiled, resisting the urge to squeeze the
> redhead in another hug. "Thanks, Tenchi! I feel LOTS better now!"
RANMA-SAMA: Try before you buy.
TENCHI: Naw, I just wanna go back on the vine! WAAAH!!!
CAST: ...
> Everyone face-faulted.
>
> "So would I if I'd had that," Ryouko muttered from the floor.
punc: would I, if
suggest: if I'd done that,"
or: Ryouko muttered from the floor, glancing up at Tenchi.
Mmm, yes, some combination of the above. :)
> Snapped out of her daze, Tenchi crawled to her feet and addressed
> Washuu. "Can you fix this? Oh, of course you can, hahaha! You're the
> Greatest Scientific Genius in the galaxy--"
10YEN-RANMA: Witness this fine application
of the Crouch of the White Tiger!
RANMA-SAMA: Quite impressive, from this
novice to the Anything Goes School!
ALL RANMAS: WE'RE THE BEST!!!
ALL AKANES: [converge to discuss their fiancees' various faults.]
> "Universe," Washuu corrected with a glare.
YUME: [clears throat]
WASHUU: Hey! We defeated you!
YUME: Dream a little dream of meeee...
WASHUU: ... Nice pun.
> "Uh... yeah, heh, the universe." Tenchi scratched the back of her
> head, making her breasts bounce... a lot. "Ow. That's
> uncomfortable." Tenchi grabbed her jiggling breasts with splayed
> fingers to stop them from moving. Aeka and Ryouko boggled, but
> Tenchi didn't notice.
ATARU: Quite a handful for such a nice young lady.
Here, Miss, let me help you hold those...
TENCHI: Why, thank you. I-- AAACKKK!!!
> "Um, about fixing this?" She hefted her mounds, and Ryouko fell over
> while Aeka blushed and averted her gaze. Tenchi noticed this time
> and, abashed, she let go of herself.
More jiggling. Repeat.
TENCHI: Oh, no, you don't!!
ATARU: But, but, but--
OSCIR: Noooo, 'BUTT'!!!
ANONYMOUS AUTHOR: Hey, I'm busy here!! [Sinks his head back into the latest
doujin of Life and Times...]
> "Ryouko will loan you a bra, Tenchi-sama," Aeka said, still looking
> away.
>
> "I don't wear bras, Aeka," Ryouko smirked. "I'm naturally pert."
WASHU: [raises eyebrow]
RYOKO: Shut up!
LOL!!! PERFECT!!! :)
[...]
> "YOU CAN FIX IT, RIGHT?!" Tenchi screeched. Her nerves were
> jangling, and she felt a little out of control.
SASAMI: But you've already been "fixed," big sister Tenchi!
TENCHI: ...
:D
> "Of course I can!" Washuu huffed, then deflated. "But it'll take me
> a while. I didn't, er, rather, the simulation was run on the idea
> that it be permanent, so I didn't leave myself a lot of outs, errr,
> but hey! No problem! Just have to wait until I can figure out how?
> Right? Right?"
Hmm. This part is kinda weak. There was no mention of the
permanancy during the simulation. Besides, Washu's got
zillions of scans of Tenchi.
What you need to do if find some way to kill her records
and/or short out her equipment. Maybe a cabbit's been
chewing the wires...?
Yes, that's a thought and a good one. Will review.
[...]
> Ryouko stepped forward and turned Washuu around, pushing her back
> into her lab. "Well, get after it!"
suggest: get to it!
(I think that's what you mean.)
Agreed. I like it better.
> "Hey!" Washuu objected. "I'm hungry!"
RANMA-SAMA: Do you want breast or thigh meat?
10YEN-RANMA: Why won't you shut up?!?
WASHUU: Well... I am kinda thirsty, too.
RANMA-SAMA: Oooooo!
10YEN-RANMA: [smacks forehead]
[...]
> Tenchi slumped over and trudged back to the living room. She fell
> onto the couch, bemoaning her fate. "I'm not a man. I'm not a man.
> I'm--"
KUNO: She is no man!
TENCHI: Gee, thanks.
KUNO: [pulls out victory fan] Therefore, I would DATE with you!
KUNO: [pulls out his jutting bokken, thinking he'd had his hand on his
fan--ny. Three alien girls glomp him.] I say. This crossover fiction is quite
enjoyable...
[...]
> Tenchi sprang off the couch and gathered the blue-haired princess up
> in her arms. "Arigatou, Sasami-chan. You SAVED me!" Tenchi gave her
> a big smooch on the cheek, and then stopped.
>
> "What did I do that for? I don't kiss people like that." She shakily
> set Sasami back down.
TENCHI: I only kiss Ryo-Ohki like that!
RYO-OHKI: [blushes] Miya.
Ooooh, I ain't goin' there -- there they be dragons... or satisfied cabbits,
whichever is worse...
[...]
> Sasami looked at Tenchi strangely, and then her eyes grew wide.
> "Maybe it's the curse," she said solemnly. Everyone pondered this,
> except Ryouko. She gave Tenchi an appraising look that had the new
> redhead squirming.
SASAMI: Let's check. [walks behind Tenchi and pulls small tab
out from the back of her neck. She reads it.] Machine wash
cold. To preserve female horomones, do not place in dryer.
Do not fold.
TENCHI: I have a label? [little sweat]
SASAMI: Sure, Washu puts care-for instructions on all her things.
RYOKO: [to Ayeka, trying to sneak up behind her]
Don't even think about it!
AEKA: [ignores her and yanks the tag off] OOOH-HO-HO-HOOOO!!! You are well
past your expiration date. Spoiled goods. Ne, Tenchi-sama?
TENCHI: [sighs] Why me?
[...]
> "Well, that was different," Tenchi observed. "It's really weird when
> you're paying attention." He pulled his now-black tresses around.
> "And I kept the long hair. Weird."
suggest: pulled a long length of his black hair
(Has "tresses" ever been used to describe something masculine? ^_^)
I knew *some*one was going to balk at that. ~_^
> Ryouko floated over. "Is it still gone?" She began to rub her hands
> up and down his torso, gradually moving lower.
suggest: to slide her hands down his torso.
RANMA-SAMA: Rubbing her hands up and hand his torso just looks
weird. It looks likes she's trying to get rid of hypo-
thermia. Now, what she should have been rubbing was his
coc--
10YEN-RANMA: [weilding Shampoo's sword] You understand why I
have to kill you, right? The original you would have wanted
it this way, not turned into a horny girl.
RANMA-SAMA: [offended] Sex Goddess. [zap] As I'm
sure you're beginning to remember. [smile]
10YEN-RANMA: Crap. [pants, adjusts collar]
[Repeat of earlier, steamy, and censored scene...]
10YEN-RANMA: Damn it! I KNOW I heard a camera go off.
[...]
> Ryouko and Aeka breathed in relief. Sasami and Mihoshi just looked.
> "What? Is what back?" Mihoshi asked.
MIHOSHI: Let me see. [reaches for Tenchi's pants]
> "ERRR, ME! Yeah, that's it! I'm back!" Tenchi laughed a little too
> loudly. Sasami blushed as she finally figured out what they were
> talking about.
>
> "C'mon, Mihoshi-oneechan. I'll fix you a midnight snack," Sasami
> offered.
>
> "Yay! I was getting hungry, again."
MIHOSHI: [looks longingly at Tenchi's pants]
But I was already going to get something to eat...
/me facefaults... Gah. :)
[...]
> Tenchi sighed. "What am I gonna DO? I've got school tomorrow!"
>
> "Stay dry?" Aeka offered with a faint smile.
>
> "In SWIM class?!"
AYEKA: I have a full-body latex suit you could use.
TENCHI: ...
AYEKA: That I, uh... Borrowed from a friend. [blush]
TENCHI: ...
AYEKA: The whip is mine, though.
TENCHI: [slowly edges back into Ryouko's arms, keeping a wary eye on the
Juraian princess.]
RYOUKO: [puts her arms around Tenchi]
TENCHI: Space-pirating, did you say? Maybe we could hook up with Minagi...
RYOUKO: Un! Un!
AEKA: WAAAAH!!!
Gee, Doug. You're just making my job easier. :P
[...]
> "Aeka! How DARE you insinuate that I'd take advantage of Ten--"
>
> "Take ADVANTAGE?! Then what do you call sneaking into her room at
> all hours of the day and night?! Tender Loving Care?!"
This quote makes little sense in this context.
Hmmm, I didn't see your point at first, but yeah, it is off somewhat. Will
review.
> "Girls--"
>
> "Ooo! Listen, Prissy Princess. I'm just letting Tenchi know that if
> he needs anything--"
>
> "I'm sure you'd GLADLY oblige, especially if it means relieving her
> of her virtue!"
10YEN-RANMA: Sorry, man. You're already emasculated in
Ayeka's mind. She thinks of you as a girl now.
RANMA-SAMA: Of course, since she prefers girls...
AYEKA: I told you, the girl said she was a man!
ALIELLE: [whine] But Big Sister... [rub rub grope]
Gah, Slayers again, I think. I really do need to see those eps...
[...]
> Sasami walked out of the kitchen carrying a tray. "I've got tea!"
ONNA-TENCHI: I've got 'A'..
?
> Aeka went purple, and her power logs faded in around Ryouko and
> Tenchi. One of the logs bumped the tray Sasami was carrying, and the
> teakettle hit the rim of the tray and sloshed its contents all over
> Tenchi. Everyone stopped to look.
Don't the logs simply hover in place? Suggest that
Sasami just didn't notice and bumped into a log.
No problem. Easy fix.
> "At least it was *warm* water," Tenchi quipped. Ryouko rubbed her
> hand across his damp chest.
>
> "I'll help dry you off, Tenchi," Ryouko said seductively. Aeka was
> about to let loose again when Mihoshi came jogging out of the
> kitchen.
AYEKA: Those aren't SPONGES you're rubbing against him, Ryoko!
Hmmm...
> "Thanks so much, Sasami, for replacing my soda-- URK!" Mihoshi
> planted her face into one of Aeka's logs, and her arms stuck
> straight out in front of her. Her new soda went flying... onto
> Tenchi. Ryouko was now rubbing two large breasts instead of a
> masculine chest.
RYOKO: Cn't... Brth! Bt... vr... cmfrtbl....
:D
> Tenchi's head slowly lolled back, and she started giving off little
> grunts and groans of pleasure. Ryouko was still trying to take in
> what had happened and why Tenchi was making such weird noises,
> forgetting that she was still rubbing.
>
> "ACK!! Ryouko-san! WHAT are you DOING, you HENTAI?!?!" Aeka
> screeched.
AYEKA: You said I was the only one for you!
[runs out of room, crying]
RYOUKO: Sorry, old thing. It's the Code of Space: first your virginity,
then... then...
TENCHI: Then 'what'?
RYOUKO: [giggles] I don't know. We never got past third base.
AEKA: [from the other room] BOOHOO!!!
TENCHI: Oh, brother. I'm, like, so outta here. This is so yesterday's soap
opera...
RYOUKO: But, Tenchiiii!! I've died and been resurrected for you.
TENCHI: Yeah, that's, like, my point entirely.
RYOUKO AND AEKA: ...
[...]
> Tenchi forced her head up and gave Ryouko a disappointed look.
> "Oh... huh?" Tenchi examined her body. "YAAAH! I'm a girl, again!
> How did THAT happen?" <And I suddenly WANTED to be fondled!> "ARGH!"
>
> "As to how it happened... guess," Aeka deadpanned.
>
> Tenchi closed her eyes and nodded. "Mihoshi-san."
TENCHI: [hugs Mihoshi] Thank you! I don't
ever want to be an awful boy again!
MIHOSHI: Oh, my!
Hmmm.
[...]
> Hovering in the air a few feet away, Ryouko found herself having a
> fast change of heart, sorry she'd sprung away like that. <Damn!> she
> thought. <Why do I still feel like boinking him, even when he's a
> girl? Hmmm, even though he's a she, it's still Tenchi. That's all
> that matters.>
10YEN-RANMA: Actually, your circuits are just crossed. :j
RYOUKO: So what else is new?
10YEN-RANMA: ...
RANMA-SAMA: I *like* this girl...
10YEN-RANMA: ...
> Ryouko smiled serenely, knowing she could love him no
> matter what. She floated back down into Tenchi's lap.
10YEN-RANMA: [cooing] Good girl! GOOD girl!
RYOKO: Hey! I'm not a dog!
UKYO: [spatulas Gary before he can repond]
Dave leaves Doug to face Gary's peculiar wrath all by his lonesome...
> "It doesn't matter to me what you look like, Tenchi. I'm still here
> for you," Ryouko cooed.
RYOKO: Of course, we still have to find out what you taste like...
TENCHI: Err, peaches and cream?
RANMA-SAMA: Ooooo!!
10YEN-RANMA: All right! That's it! You are SO doomed, kami-my-butt-Ranma!
ANONYMOUS AUTHOR: Gaaah. [Gets up and leaves the fic, dropping his DC doujin
on the couch.]
> Tenchi trembled in desire. She *wanted* to be touched all of a
> sudden, oh Kamisama, so much. "Ry-Ry-Ryouko. I-I think you'd
> be-better le-let me up."
TENCHI: 'Cause I wanna be on top! [bounce]
CAST: O_O Up, down, up, down, up, down... @_@
[...]
> "Aeka? What was *that* all about?" Ryouko asked after a few seconds,
> looking at the crown princess like she was a stranger.
>
> Aeka put her hand to her mouth. "I... I'm not sure. I was worried
> that she might have, um, felt... violated?"
>
> "WHAT?!?! SHE?!?!?!" Ryouko was beside herself, figuratively
> speaking.
An important distinction, when Ryoko is concerned. :j
What is the "SHE" for? It suggests that Ryoko
feels she was the one who was violated.
Hmmm, 'SHE', then? (single quotes)
> Aeka put a hand to her forehead. "I find I have a headache. I do not
> wish to speak of this any further. Good night!" She climbed the
> stairs to her room.
RYOKO: [mewling] Ayeka, don't be that way. [paw paw]
AYEKA: No. You showed more attention to Tenchi than me.
RYOUKO: But Tenchi's boobs are so yummy.
TENCHI: I heard that!!
RYOUKO: Oh, like I could ever hide anything from you, Tenchiiii.
TENCHI: ... Uh, I didn't hear that...
[...]
> In her lab, Washuu had been watching the proceedings, occasionally
> falling off her cushion in gales of laughter, despite feeling guilty
> over what had happened. At the moment, however, she had a
> contemplative look on her face.
RANMA-SAMA: Yes, let's watch as his sense of masculinity is
eroded, to be replaced with the unstoppable urges from
the hormones coursing through her nubile body...
10YEN-RANMA: Is is getting hot in here? [adjusts collar]
*XAAP!*
10YEN-RANMA: Oh, my, yes. That is MUCH better...
{{{{{censored}}}}}
[...]
> "If I read Tenchi right, just now... hmmm. This little accident may
> actually start a fire or two burning. At any rate, it could be fun;
> Tenchi doesn't seem to be acting *too* oddly."
10YEN-RANMA: What, is she mad? He's *responding* to
female attention. That's totally odd for him.
TENCHI: What were you saying, Pot?
:D
[...]
> Shrugging, she went back to her researches on reversing a water
> 'curse'.
WASHU: I've now given you the *reverse* of a water curse.
Hot fire turns you into a girl, and cold fire turns you back!
TENCHI: ;_;
Hmmm...
[...]
> The alarm clock buzzed, and Tenchi, male this time, groped blindly
> and shut it off.
CLOCK: Oh my! Your hand is cold!
TENCHI: Damn Washu and her "novelty" clock...
Well, that came out of nowhere... :)
[...]
> After taking care of certain morning necessities, he groggily filled
> the wash pail with cold water and then sat down on the stool near
> the furo, facing the door. He scrubbed himself down for a few
> minutes, and he then dumped the pail over his head, rinsing the suds
> off.
Does soap even work if you're not already wet? ^_^;
Hmmm, point. Will revise.
> "BRRRRR!"
10YEN-RANMA: You're contractually obligated
to say "It's cold," now.
I signed in invisible ink. :P
> The door to the room opened, and Tenchi's father, Nobuyuki, stood
> there with his mouth open.
>
> "Ohayou, Oyaji." <Huh?> "EEP!!!" Tenchi clamped her hands over her
> mouth and looked up at Nobuyuki.
10YEN-RANMA: Your MOUTH isn't what you need to cover...
RANMA-SAMA: Give her a second...
> Her father's jaw was now down to
> his bellybutton, a thick string of drool hanging out of his mouth
> and pooling on the tile. Tenchi noticed that she was sitting in a
> very unfeminine position, legs spread and giving her father a rather
> unrestricted view of her unmentionables.
NOBUYUKI: Actually, I wouldn't mind mentioning-- Urk!
Hehehehe
> "Grrr." Tenchi slammed her knees together in a sudden attack of
> feminine modesty and scooped up a pail of warm water from the furo,
> dumping it over her head. Nobuyuki promptly fainted, a circle of
> skipping redheads over him.
NOBUYUKI: My son's a babe! Oh, how I've waited for this day.
TENCHI: Eh?!
NOBUYUKI: Now that you are mature, I can tell you the whole truth.
Whenever the members in our family get excited, they change sex.
TENCHI: EH!?
NOBUYUKI: The truth is... *I* am your mother!
WASHU: [walks in] It's the strangest thing. There's no way
Mihoshi's cap was heavy enough to push the button... I
don't know why you turned into a girl.
TENCHI: [passes out]
:j I really haven't seen Futaba, so I'll just laugh and move on. :P
[...]
> After several minutes, Nobuyuki came to and shifted into a sitting
> position, his eyes blinking. "Tenchi, did you see a gorgeous, um,
> very healthy, redheaded girl just a little bit ago?"
NOBUYUKI: And I mean *natural* redhead! [waggle eyebrows]
*CLANG!!* [wash bucket bounces off Nobuyuki's head, sending that worthy to
dreamland]
TENCHI: [puts hand to cheek and looks preciously distraught] Oh, my. Did *I*
do that?
[...]
> "Hentai. Your own son," Tenchi muttered.
NOBUYUKI: My son's a hentai? Oh, how I've waited for this day!
TENCHI: Eh?!
NOBUYUKI: Now that you are mature, I can tell you the whole truth--
TENCHI: Shutupshutupshutup!!!
FUTABA: [switches back and forth, due to excitement at Tenchi's girl form and
disappointment at his boy form] Errr, Cousin!!
TENCHI: ACK!!!
ATARU: I'LL SAVE YOU, MY DEAR!!
TENCHI: [looks back and forth] Okay, lech. You're on.
ATARU: WAI!!
[...]
> Breakfast was an odd affair. Tenchi, raggedly shorn of his excess
> locks, was more silent than usual, and only replied in grunts when
> spoken to.
RANMA-SAMA: Getting in touch with his masculinity, I see.
10YEN-RANMA: I wish I could do that. [glares offscreen]
Instead of OTHER people touching IN my femininity!
NABIKI: [pouting] I didn't even get to keep the money.
AKANE: It just doesn't go as far as it used to... [sees Ranma look hurt] In
a monetary sense, you baka!
RANMA: [beams]
> Masaki Katsuhito, Tenchi's grandfather, appeared in the doorway,
> wondering what all the commotion was about. Tenchi hung her head and
> rose from the table, slowly backing up towards her grandfather.
>
> "I'm going back to bed," Tenchi said.
TENCHI: [glaring] Alone.
KATSUHIKO: Aw...
... I just can't do it. Katsuhito's gonna strike, if I do...
[...]
> "I just can't deal with school today." Tenchi turned around, and
> Katsuhito enjoyed the rare sensation of two comfy breasts squishing
> into his palms. He barely resisted the urge to squeeze.
KATSUHIKO: Ooh, C-cup!
WASHUU: [pushes that button again]
*BOING!!*
KATSUHI*T*O: WAIII!!!
TENCHI: ...
[...]
> Tenchi jumped back, crossing her arms over her chest. "JIICHAN!"
TENCHI: How did you know I like older men? [coo]
/me slaps forehead. "Well, that *definitely* says all that needs to be said. "
:D
[...]
> Katsuhito raised both eyebrows for half a second, and then he
> resumed his normally inscrutable demeanor. He nodded his head and
> hummed, and he turned and walked out of the dining area.
RANMA-SAMA: Only centuries of inscruability
training protected him from facefaulting.
COLOGNE: You should try in from on top of a staff.
RANMA-SAMA: [eyes the circumference of the staff] I *suppose* it's doable...
COLOGNE: I am at your service.
AKANE: ...
[...]
> Everyone was downstairs. Tenchi had obviously elected to not spend
> his day off from school in bed, and he was seated a little distance
> away from the rest, in a position, the priest thought, to avoid
> unnecessary dousings. He allowed one eyebrow to creep back up at the
> long, luxuriant hair cascading down the back of Tenchi's chair.
> <I'll loan him a hair tie.>
TENCHI: Uh... this is a scrunchie.
KATSUHIKO: But it makes you look so cute!
TENCHI: 'Cute' is not the word!
CANON-RANMA: HEY! That's my line! 'Click-whirrrr...'
> Standing quietly, Katsuhito turned his attention to the girls. His
> gaze examined each of them and finally rested on Ryouko, who was
> intent on the daytime drama unfolding on the television screen. He
> allowed the corners of his mouth to turn up a little. As Tenchi
> would occasionally look over at the others, he noticed that his
> grandson's gaze would linger slightly longer on the space pirate.
TENCHI: [thinking] If I turn my back, she'll splash me and try
to crawl into my lap again. Better keep an eye on her.
:j
[...]
> <She'll be good for him, if I'm reading that correctly, albeit a
> handful.> He sighed. <The fallout is not going to be pretty,
> though.> He brooded on the elder of his two sisters as he climbed
> the stone steps leading to his place of work.
AYEKA: B- But what about me?
KATSUHIKO: I'm sorry, Ayeka, but...
AYEKA: If he doesn't marry me, then you'll have to.
KATSUHIKO: ...
AYEKA: And you'll have to be prince, again.
KATSUHIKO: Now that I think of it, Tenchi's
man enough for more than one wife...
Apply just the right kind of pressure, and... Voila!
[...]
> Tenchi was enjoying the relative quiet engendered by his, er, state
> and was enjoying being able to watch television in peace.
TV: Yappa pa Yappa pa
TENCHI: Damn you! Damn you, Ranma!
RYOUGA: He FINALLY gets it!
RYOUKO: TENCHIIII!!! Did you give it to HIM?!
TENCHI: [looks at Ryouga appraisingly] He's very biiig.
RYOUKO: Really? Hmmm...
RYOUGA: [bigsweats]
AEKA: [walks in from the kitchen] Did someone say 'big'?
RYOUGA: AAAAAHHH!!! [smashes through the wall]
[...]
> "Errr... Tenchi-sama?" Aeka looked a little worried.
>
> "Yeah?"
>
> "Are you not going to change back?"
TENCHI: [gets up and gets hot water]
SASAMI: [grabs Tenchi's seat] Yes!
TENCHI: [walking back] Hey! My seat!
RYOKO: Yes, it's very nice. Now sit down
so we can watch the show.
suggest: Aren't you
No, I want to point out a difference in Aeka's speech. As a royal, (if she
knew English, that is) she would probably eschew contractions.
[...]
> Mihoshi had initially divided her attention between Tenchi and the
> television, but as the drama picked up again, she was lost to the
> program. During a steamy scene, Aeka turned and watched Tenchi for a
> time. Tenchi began to feel a little uncomfortable and started to
> fidget; she felt like Aeka was weighing her or something, as if
> she'd forgotten who Tenchi was. The current scene on the TV ended,
> and Aeka looked back at the screen. Now, it was Ryouko's turn to
> stare.
RANMA-SAMA: It's uncanny how they time it so no more than
one of them is staring at Tenchi at a time...
ONNA-TENCHI: ACK! Like I could STAND any more?!?!
RANMA-SAMA: Practice makes perfect, you know.
ONNA-TENCHI: Oh, ack, gag...
> If Tenchi had been uncomfortable before, she was now mentally
> writhing under Ryouko's hot gaze. She could almost feel it caressing
> her body, but the odd thing, Tenchi observed, was that it was
> pleasant, in a tingly sort of way. She flicked a glance in the space
> pirate's direction. Ryouko had one elbow on the arm of the couch,
> and her hand was against her face as she studied the redhead, her
> little finger bent and being chewed on.
RYOKO: Stop that, Ryo-Ohki!
RYO-OHKI: [gnawing] Miya?
...
> Tenchi was almost sorry she'd looked. She absently rubbed her legs
> together, feeling the rough cloth of her drawstring pants against
> her soft skin. She was also feeling decidedly warm. Tenchi exerted
> some self-control and focused her attention on the television. It
> was another steamy scene... with two women. <Oh, great,> Tenchi
> thought sourly.
GIRL: Mmm, Willow. [moan writhe] Redheads are the best.
TENCHI: [thinks] Don't look at anyone.
Just look straight ahead...
:D
> They were kissing passionately and slowly disrobing each other. The
> lighting faded until only silhouettes could be seen. The taller
> woman pulled the other's shirt down over her arms, and she kissed
> the rise of Tenchi's bare bosom. Tenchi then began unbuttoning
> Ryouko's shirt, but Ryouko then pushed Tenchi down onto the bed and
> out of view of the camera. Without realizing it, Tenchi's
> imagination had taken over, filling in for the missing visuals.
10YEN-RANMA: Uh, that probably should have been put sooner.
RYOKO: I don't have a problem with it where it is!
I struggled with a paragraph break there, and I will probably do that.
[...]
> "AAAAAHHH!!!" Tenchi leapt to her feet, panting and staring at a
> startled Ryouko. "Don't *LOOK* at me like *THAT*! Now I'm all
> *HORNY*-- MMMRRFFF!!"
10YEN-RANMA: Is this the point when Washu gets her hand on a
copy of Urusei Yatsura and turns girl-type Tenchi into
an oni girl?
AYEKA: [frowning] Great, then we'd have a matched pair...
RYOKO: Here you go Mom. You know what to do!
[winks, slips a UY comic to Washu]
ATARU: Now I can have TWO oni-girls to fry me! Hey! WHAT am I SAYING?!?!
REDET LUM: T'cha! That's the spirit, Darling!! Besides, with Ryouko-chan,
that makes three.
ATARU: [faints]
RYOUKO: Pansy.
> Tenchi had slapped her hands over her mouth... too late. Everyone
> else was still confused at her outburst, but Tenchi's eyes bulged as
> Ryouko slowly smiled in feline satisfaction.
RYOKO: [munching] That damn mouse won't keep me up anymore!
...!
----
10YEN-RANMA: Well, this fic is largely arbitrary.
RANMA-SAMA: Not that that's a bad thing... ^_^
10YEN-RANMA: True, although it seems like it's being used to
setup Ryoko and Tenchi. Ryoko's all hot and bothered
by girl-type Tenchi, but for some reason, Ayeka has
forgotten she loves him, and suddenly thinks of him as
a sister.
RANMA-SAMA: Which is doubly odd, since she was prepared to
marry her brother. Wouldn't that make it a turn-on for
Ayeka?
AEKA: Erm... You know? This is all very confusing for me.
10YEN-RANMA: [blushing] Ah, anyway, it makes the situation
a little hard to swallow.
RANMA-SAMA: You always did have trouble swallowing...
10YEN-RANMA: [sweatdrop] Uh, anyway, this seems much better
suited to be a fun fic, rather than resolving anyone's
relationships. I mean, it's not like any of MY problems
have even been solved. Wouldn't making Tenchi more
like me only escalate his problems?
TENCHI: The implication in your dialogue seems to suggest that I can't
resolve my life and have fun, too.
RANMA-SAMA: Besides, Donny wants to see a nice big orgy
between all the cast members, not just Ryoko.
NOBUYUKI: Woohoo!
RANMA-SAMA: Not you.
NOBUYUKI: [poutiung] Aw...
10YEN-RANMA: Well, that's about it. Looking forward to the
next part!
RANMA-SAMA: Yeah, I want to change back into a guy so I stop
feeling these (um) urges...
10YEN-RANMA: I was talking about Onna-Tenchi Muyo.
RANMA-SAMA: Hey, he writes me, too! I can look forward to the
next part of Accidental Goddess. The longer it takes,
the longer I'm stuck as a girl!
10YEN-RANMA: You almost sound like your old self.
RANMA-SAMA: You know how it is. The horomones wax and wane.
10YEN-RANMA: Wax and wane? [scratches head] You mean come and go?
RANMA-SAMA: Emphasis on "come," I'm afraid.
10YEN-RANMA: [littlesweat] Thank God mine was just a oneshot.
US MINT: Anyone want to help us with our new gold one dollar
coin advertising campagn? Mr. Roeder?
10YEN-RANMA: ...
DF ROEDER: ...
*************************
Jeez, this took me all evening to respond to! I finally know that you do not
have a life. :) But then, neither do I, really, so I guess I'm in good
company.
As always, Doug, a treat to the eyes and brain.
/me bows low.
I hope I entertained you at least partially in return.
Ja!
Dave
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://www.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html