From: "Douglas MacDougall" <dougmacd@dougmacd.net>
Athia briefly glanced at the cell phone they had brought with
them, but Nodoka shook her head. "Kasumi is very good. She will do
well."
Athia nodded, a little bit anxiously. She had only known the
Tendou girls for a few days, but was already deeply attached to
Kasumi. It would be painful for her if the raveners managed to get
through her defenses.
"Nabiki is also very skilled," Nodoka continued, "if a little
headstrong. They will be just fine. I hope," she added quietly.
Of course, if they had split up properly,
there wouldn't have been a problem...
I have to agree. Unless their powers or dispositions are totally
uncompatible with the two older vampires, I don't see why you have them
split this way. I mean Nabiki almost got killed last time she tangled with
this guy.
<snip>
Ranma clutched the wound and dodged back into the darkness.
"Damnit!" he hissed. "You'd think I'd learn! These guys ain't human!"
Ranma isn't acting correctly. Didn't Happosai tell him that you had get
these guys to kill themselves? He should be using all of the Yamisenken (the
quiet thief, iirc) to be laying traps at warp speed.
<snip>
Although not for much longer, I think.
That was such a bad comment. Sigh.
<snip>
Uh, does the Ravener King put out any
heat to make it a hirry-shoten-ha work?
Somehow, I doubt it.
"Okay, you asshole. Now you're really starting to piss me
off!" Ranma ran out into the middle of the Ravener King's line of
sight and leapt, doing his damnedest to pin the bastard.
Ranma is handling this like some sort of slugging match. A slugging match
with something that heals almost all wounds (as far as Ranma knows) that he
can inflict. Shouldn't he be using trickery and guile to lure it into traps
to try and kill it? I'm still pretty sure that it was mentioned to Ranma
(either Happosai or Nodoka) that the only true way to kill one of them is to
trick or force it to kill itself.
So why is Ranma on an testosterone kick? He's not that unwilling to use what
someone tells them. As a matter of fact, he typically starts to just dodge,
manuvering his foe until he can win.
What about all those pipes? Use "amiguriken" speed to impale
the guy's chest torso, and then limbs against a wall (or the
floor.)
Another good point.
The girl Ukyou *thought* she had known was standing in front
of them. Akane was clad in only shorts and a black leotard. The
reason for the leotard was obvious at first sight. Bluish-black wings
spread away from her back in a ready position and two long fangs were
just visible over the girl's bottom lip.
But the fangs are so *cute*!
Well, I didn't realize those fangs were quite so obvious. Though it does
help push the fight to a dramatic point faster.
Okay, I found this part much more interesting. Not so much for
the Ravener King parts, but for Ukyou and Shampoo going after
Akane. Actually, all the Akane parts were fun. :)
Very much so.
I have the same comment as before about the vampire parties.
Also, why Nodoka and Athia went back home. Sure, Akane'll
need the help, but they don't know she's in trouble; they DO
know that Ranma is attacking a monster. Worse still, they're
leaving it to the newbies to handle.
Kids they're trying to train, btw.
I really think the party composition needs to be addressed.
Either change it, or if that isn't possible with your plot,
go back and give some extenuating reason. Have Kasumi/Nabiki
argue (over Nodoka's objections!) that they can handle themselves,
and don't need a chaperone.
Awaiting the next Clan and/or Apartment,
Apartment! Apartment! Apartment! Apartment! Apartment!