The following is the creation of a friend of mine. That is, he wrote the
bloody thing.
Be warned, I had nothing to do with this.
-Komodo
(C&C should be sent to SaradinStr@aol.com)
************
Authors Note: This is my first fic, and is designed fully as a Spam
Fic. If you in any way have a complaint about continuity, people associating
with each other, and why dead people are now alive and so on, please fill out
these comment cards in triplicate, file them, lose them, find them again,
then roast them over a slow cooking fire for a bout 15 minutes. Lost them
again. Spend 30 years looking for them, find them again then deliver them to
me when I really won’t care anymore.
Just kidding. Now dear friends please enjoy, or puke on.......
Dragonball The 13th!!
(the English Dubbed Version)
A Twinkie Boy Production
Narrator: When we last left our heroes, Goku had defeated the evil Freiza.
Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, and Chau-su ( I don’t care if I spelled their names
right.) have all been wished back to life. Everyone is all waiting for Goku
to return Home. Vegeta has left earth to find Goku and the secret of becoming
a Super Sayjin. ( again I don’t care if I spelled it right.)
But forgetting all that crap, suddenly Goku and Vegeta are on Earth. Vegeta
and Bulma are married. And a lot of people who were dead, namely Napa, and
Raditz are alive again, and everyone is friends. We don’t know how it
happened so don’t ask us. They don’t pay me enough in this stupid job to find
out every little tidbit of information for you!
I’m sorry I’ve been stressed lately. My wife just left me. I’m a miserable
wreck. Anyway.....We start today's adventure in the forest by a lake where
our hero’s are having a camping adventure.
Goku: Hey come on Guys hurry up! the air is great out here.
Vegeta: Slow up Cacarot! We aren’t in battle; we don’t need to be traveling
at a million miles an hour!
Bulma: Ow! Vegeta! Your squeezing my hand too hard!
Vegeta loosening his grip speeds up to catch up with Goku.
Goku: Hey quit griping Vegeta! It’s not so bad. Master Roshi, Chichi, Gohan
and the others are waiting for us down at the camp.
They pass a rusty old sign that is falling off it’s post that reads “Welcome
to Camp Crystal Lake.”
Goku: you see we are nearly there now.
Bulma: Uh Goku. Is this THE Camp Crystal Lake? The one that they made all
those really crappy slasher flicks about during the 1980’s?
Goku: same one. You scared Bulma?
a bead of sweat rolls down her head.
Bulma: why would I be scared when I have my Vegeta and you to protect me.
Vegeta just snorts. Soon in sight comes a camp filled with cabins. Some look
more run down than others. A small fire is burning. On one side of the fire
sit Master Roshi, Chichi, Gohan, Krillin and Piccolo. ( ok so I can’t
spell!!!!!) On the other side sit Yamcha, Tien, Chau-su, Raditz and Napa. And
right near the fire sit all 7 of the Dragonballs. Why they are there and why
no one is making any wishes, I won’t tell you so NEH!
They all wave to the new arrivals, except Piccolo who is meditating.
Krillin: GOKU! great of you to arrive!
Gohan: Daddy!
Chichi: Goku, Vegeta, Bulma come sit down.
Goku: I’m too hyper to sit down.
He hugs his son and Passionately kisses his wife.
Goku: hey Vegeta, Piccolo, Krillin, you wanna go train down by the lake?
Piccolo looks up from his meditation and gives a slight nod.
Vegeta: I look forward to every spar I have with you Cacarot.
Gohan: I wanna go too daddy.
Chichi: Oh No you don’t! You haven’t done your homework yet today.
Gohan: but mommy.....
Chichi: No buts Gohan!
Gohan: yes mommy....
-------------------------------------------------------------
The 4 men get up and head down to the lake side and remove their outer
clothing except for certain key clothes, simply for the women readers sake,
showing the gratuitous over built chest and arm shots.
They bring to bear their powers raising their chi levels. each pairing off.
Goku and Vegeta face head to head, and Piccolo and Krillin Stand across from
each other. Well I could take the time to describe all these great martial
arts maneuvers that these powerful warriors use against each other...but I'm
a very lazy person and don’t feel like it. Needless to say they put on quite
a battle. During this fight their energies send electricity through the
waters of the lake.
Unbeknownst to our heroes, but knownst to us, a dead man in a Hockey mask was
lying at the bottom of the water. The electrical flows of the battle runs
down into the lake and charging into the lifeless body. Suddenly the body
comes alive again and starts to move. ( like anyone didn’t see that one
coming.) It gets up and heads to the other end of the lake. Jason Vorhees, as
he was known in life, climbs out of the lake and heads into the forest. Of
course our heroes in deep battle are completely oblivious to this. ( if they
noticed it there would be no story line now would there be?)
---------------Later that Night---------My how time flies-----
Narrator: All getting ready for a good round of story telling, our heroes sit
comfortably in their cabin. when Napa gets a hankering for something to drink.
Napa: Hey I got a hankering for something to drink.
Vegeta: Napa when did you start talking like that?
Napa: When I started listening to Garth Brooks.
Vegeta smacks his head and shakes it.
Vegeta: well go get what you want and shut up about it Napa. The cooler is
around back.
Raditz: Get me a Coke while your out there too why don’t ya?
Napa: Anybody else want anything?
All else: no thanks.
Napa: ok then “I’ll be right Back” ( scary music!)
Napa leaves to get a drink, and Bulma looks over at Vegeta, and winks.
Bulma: I’m getting tired. Come on Vegeta, don’t you want to “go to sleep” too?
she winks at him again.
Vegeta: Yeah. I think I will also go back to my room....for sleep.
They quickly run off together. Due that this is the english dubbed version of
this Fic I believe it wise that I not show you the sex scene...but what hell!
Bulma drags Vegeta into the bedroom and kisses him passionately. Hurriedly
she starts to pull his clothing off him. ( seventies Porno Music starts)
She runs her hands all over his bare chest. His hands slide down the back
and front of her pants reaching, as we hentai fans of DBZ call it, “ The
Promised Land”.
Bulma Moans with delight.
Out in the living room Chichi quickly turns on some loud music, as Gohan
starts to ask her questions about the noise from the other room.
Back in the bedroom, Bulma Slides her hands down Vegeta's Pants. He moves his
hands up and starts to pull her shirt off. And as all the horny little
Pre-teen kids watching the show, lean a little closer to get a better look at
what they all wanted to see: Bulma's breasts...A machete blade comes bursting
right through her nipple. ( disgusting aint it?)
Vegeta jumps away only to watch his wife slip off Jason’s Machete blade. With
a flash Vegeta strikes out at the Hockey masked man. but it was to no avail.
Vegeta in shock of what has happened didn’t pay attention to what he was
doing and drove himself neck first into the blade decapitating himself.
( isn’t that just lovely boys and girls?)
Jason looks down at the naked, or in this case, half naked corpses, then
turns and climbs back out the window.
Out in the Living room Raditz gets antsy waiting for Napa to come back and
decides to go looking for him. The group shrugs it off and keeps on having
fun and chatting about the old days.
---------------- a couple of Hours Later---------------------
Goku: I wonder where Napa and them went off to. I think we should go find
them.
Piccolo: I suppose. but you worry far too much Goku.
Krillin: It’s important to Goku so lets just do it.
The rest: yeah! lets find them.
Chichi: not you Gohan. you are staying here with me.
Gohan: <whining>Aww, Mommy.
Goku: Chichi is right Gohan. if even half of what I heard about this place is
true then you better stay behind.
Gohan: ok daddy.
Everyone except Goku Chichi and Gohan run off to go look for The others.
Goku goes and knocks on Vegeta and Bulma's door. when he hears nothing he
opens the door, to see the gruesome scene on the floor. Goku screams.
Goku: NOOOOO!!!! BULMA! VEGETA!
Chichi runs up the stairs and sees the carnage.
Chichi: Oh no we have to get our friends before they all wind up like this.
I’ll hide in the basement with Gohan.
Goku Nods and takes off quickly. he soon finds Napa nailed to a wall with a
Coke bottle stuck through his eye. Goku shudders. He then finds Raditz body
cut in 4 pieces.
One by one he finds his friends bodies. Some are hacked apart. Others are
shoved through trees, or trampled in the mud. The only one he finds alive is
Piccolo, who’s head has been busted open by a blunt object.
Suddenly out of the trees comes Jason swinging a Chainsaw. Goku Goes running
for his life, but no matter where he goes this deranged dead man keeps
catching up with him. Then just as death is upon Goku, he trips and falls.
Knowing he is in his last moments, Goku’s life flashes before his eyes.
Suddenly he remembers something important.
Goku: HEY! I’m a martial artist! And a Super Sayin! What am I doing running
away from him?!
Goku takes off and attacks Jason with a Furious amount of Blows! Jason drops
the chainsaw, and starts to make a break for it. But wherever Jason runs to,
Goku is there with punches and kicks and fireballs or whatever it is he calls
them. Suddenly when Goku is about to finish him off Jason holds up his hands
and says in a whiny, snively voice...
Jason: Please stop hurting me. You win!
Goku stops. Jason gets up and removes his mask with his back to Goku then
turns around. There Goku stares face to face with the most evil man that ever
existed. The one and only..........Bill Gates.
Bill Gates: Congratulations Goku. You have won the Game. program end.
Suddenly everything goes Blurry. Then Goku finds himself waking up in a
Virtual reality machine. His friends are all around him. Most of them are
dead.
Bill Gates: You have successfully completed my Friday the 13th virtual
reality game. I’m sorry that your friends didn’t survive, but hey, life’s not
always fair is it. Now I don’t have any real prizes to give you for winning
but since you lost your friends, here is your Consolation prize.
Bill Gates hands the stunned Goku a package.
Goku: What is this?
Bill Gates: A free copy of windows 98, and a disk with 500 fee hours of AOL
5.0
Enjoy.
Suddenly Bill Gates hits a button on his palm activating the jet pack
strapped to his back. He flies off quickly.
Goku quickly wakes up his surviving friends, Piccolo, Gohan and Chichi.
Goku: Piccolo. I need your help. I want to get the Dragonballs.
They all take off and in a couple of days the meet at master Roshi’s place
and summon the Eternal Dragon.
Eternal Dragon: You have summoned me. State your wish.
Gohan: So daddy you gonna wish our friends back?
Goku: no...not yet.
Gohan, Chichi and Piccolo: NO?
Goku: that’s right. Eternal Dragon. Hear my wish. I wish for 5 minutes alone
with the writer of this stupid fic!
Wait a goddamn second I didn’t just write that. How did that get on the
screen?!
Eternal Dragon: Your Wish is granted.
Hey. Who’s writing this stuff. I'm certainly not. um...uh...hi Goku. NO Wait
Stop! Come on it’s only a FIC! Have a sense of Humor!
For the Love of God, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( the End?)
:P