Hi! Thanks for taking the time to C&C.
I'd like to apologize for the lateness of this. Finals, dontchaknow.
No prob. Better late than never. ^_^
[Ranma 1/2 / Robotech]
- - - - -
Title: Silent Battles
Segment: Chapter 2: Nightmares
Series: Ranma 1/2 / Robotech
Genre: Crossover
Author: Latin_D
Email: latin_d@uol.com.ar
Date Sent to FFML: 04/22/2000
Size: 27 KB
Series Summary:
Hunted by memories, Ranma stumbles into the SDF-1 and finds himself
deeply involved in the First Robotech War.
Segment Summary:
In the past, Ranma eats a very special salad... made by Akane! The
consequences are dire--very much so. Back in Macross, Ranma meets
Minmei, Max, Lena, Jason, Guardian and Battloid. Who do you think made
the best impression?
You _really_ need to read this over. Missing words and awkward phrases
cropped up in the first bit, and that'll put any reader off...
Yes, I know what you mean. The first scene had a lot of problems, but,
luckily, I received lots of C&C explaining how to make it better. I really
believe the revision reads better. But then again, I'm the author, so... ^_^
But as for the action, it's very well described, as far as some of it
_can_
be described, but you do the indescribable bits well.
Thanks. Sometimes it's hard to describe correctly complex things as a
Veritech mechamorphosing, but that's the challenge, ne?
Your version of Ranma
talks a bit too smoothly in places... I'd look into that.
Well, you have to rememer this is a much older--and maybe more
mature--Ranma. But I'll give it a look.
But it will be
interesting to see exactly what Ranma's capable of in a Veritech... next
chapter.
...or the chapter after the next one. ^_^
Yes, I'm also looking forward to seeing--or writing--Ranma making a Battloid
dance, but we can't have him getting into one the first day he arrives at
Macross, now can we? I mean, there's only one Rick Hunter.
This one was a bit shorter, in terms of plot points and such, than
the first, and we still haven't really _gotten_ anywhere. Hopefully, the
next part will change that...
Eh, maybe chapter 4? ^_^
To say the truth, in chapter 3, Ranma still wanders around Macross. But
things will move faster in Chapter 4--or 5. ^_^
Again, thanks for the C&C. Bye and good luck,
Latin_D (who will post chapter 3 in the next few days)