Kyle Emmerson <kyle_emmerson@yahoo.com> wrote:
Gladius Sanctus
Gluetus Maximus? ^_^;;
The weapon felt so natural in her hands. As though it had been forged
for her. The way it melded to suit her specifications exactly. As though
it had seeped into her pores and it was a part of her. The pain the blade
Many sentence fragments here. Some of which could probably be better connected
into complete sentences. :)
felt, she too could feel. She sheer feeling of the intense high that even
She -> The
being in contact with the weapon sent her over the edge, somewhere between
ecstacy and Nirvana.
But I don't know where those are (in Seattle, maybe ^_^). Seriously, just saying
the words doesn't convey a sense of what these feelings mean to the character. I
have an idea of what they mean, but I don't know what YOU mean by them in this
case. IMO, you'd do better to relate this to some specific feeling that the
reader can connect with.
"Hey, Akane. Whatcha doin'?" Ranma asked, popping up behind her.
Akane immediately snapped out of her reverie and dropped the blade
back on to the table. She spun around to meet Ranma's gaze and sneered.
"What do YOU care?" she shot.
Ranma furrowed his brow in annoyance. "Well, obviously NUTHIN'.
'Specially about some stupid uncute tomboy like you!"
This exchange seems rather forced. If you want them to fight, give them
something to fight about.
"Ahh, perhaps I can interest you in love potion from the far reaches
of the Mulai-mulai tribe of the Amazon? They say it raise fertility and
make womans flock after man!"
Ranma snorted. "Trust me, old man. I need that like I need a hole in
my head."
Heh.
"Ooh, sorry. No sell those. But shrunken heads! Lots!"
Ranma just stared at the man. "Ya know what? Nevermind," he looked
Never mind." He
"But I do have this," he bent over behind the desk and began to
this." He
Ranma took it from him and unrolled it. After a few moments of trying
to read it and then figuring that he didn't know Chinese as well as he
thought he did, he passed it back to the man. "I can't read Chinese.
What's it say?"
The man blinked in surprise for a moment. "It not Chinese, sir. This
scroll over two thousand year old, but I know it about Jusenkyo. Man who
give it to me say so. Say only to sell to one with curse, and no other."
I'd think Ranma would know kanji well enough to at least recognize it, even if
he can't read much of it.
"Well, whatever language it is, I can't read it."
The old chinese man shook his head. "I no can read it either, sir. It
is... ara... araman.. no, that not right..." He reached over and pulled
out a small dictionary. After the flip of a few pages, he located the word
he was looking for and looked towards Ranma.
"It Aramaic, sir."
"It say, 'The cure for the curses of Jusenkyo may be found at the Castle
Aaarrrrrrrgggggg.' What that mean?"
As short as it is, this is another idea I've been tossing around. It's
pretty basic right now, but it involves a lot of interaction between Ranma,
Akane, the sword and the scroll.
Anyhoo, let me know what you think. (And let me know if I screwed up my
latin. I had a very limited source. ^_^)
Well, quite frankly I don't know. There's not really much here to go on. I'll
have to see more. And I hope you're planning on finishing up your old fics at
some point. :)
As for Latin, the only kind I know is "Ichway ayway otay ethay Entotay Ojoday?"
Gary