Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic
By: Dreiser
EPISODE TWENTY NINE: Feel The Pain.
SCENE: The Dueling Arena stairs. Tenjou Utena is rapidly falling
down them. As she does so, loud and disturbing bells ring out in
the background. The Sunlit Garden no longer plays faintly in the
background.
UTENA: (Falling down the stairs.) Ow! Uhmph! Ouch! Dammit!
My brain! OWWWWW!!! Uhmph! Ouch! No! This really hurts!!
(Loud thumping noises accompany the ongoing string of curses that
Utena gives off as she keeps falling down the neverending flight of
stairs.) Damn, you Akio! I'll get you for this! (Sobs.) A Nerf dart
gun! Not a Nerf dart gun of all things!! Oh, the humanity! (Even
more thumping noises sound.) Owwww... going... to... need.... a...
chiropractor... (Utena groans some more which goes oddly well
with the thumping noises of her falling.) I can feel the pain tonight.
(The shot pulls away so we can see that Utena is not even close to
the halfway point of the stairs. Which means that she has a hell of a
long way to fall before she's through.)
UTENA: (Falling down the stairs.) NOOOOOOOO!!! (Thumping
noises drown out her screams as she continues to fall down the
stairs in a heap.) No, no, no, no, no, no, no and doubly no some
more! I'm the Prince and I think that I just knocked my spleen out
of alignment!! What did I ever do to deserve this?! Besides
showing up in this stupid spamfic, that is?! (Wails discontentedly as
she keeps falling down the stairs.) You can't do this to me, I'm a
sexy bishonen, dammit! And we have more rights than normal
people! I'm bishonen and I'm not going to take it anymore!
(The shot pulls away to reveal that Utena is still nowhere near the
halfway point on the stairs. Yep, she's in trouble.)
UTENA: (Falling down the stairs. Wails.) KILL MEEE!!! (Still
falling down the stairs. Thinks on this.) Ehhhhh, no. I mean, don't
kill me!!! Although, at this rate I'll probably die from brain damage.
I mean, falling down this flight of neverending stairs can't be good
for my cerebral cortex. (Scowls as she falls down the stairs.) And
don't you even dare to ask me how I know what the cerebral
cortex is. Miki isn't the only smart person in this series you know!
(Scowls again as she continues to fall.) And don't you dare to
mention Juri-sama either! I'm smart! Very smart!! (She mutters
lowly.) Despite the fact that I'm falling down these damn stairs for
who knows how long. But that's Akio's fault! He's the ultimate
evil... (Her eyes get teary.) And now he has Anthy! I... he...
Anthy....!!!
(The shot pulls away and we see that Utena is STILL nowhere
close to the halfway point on the stairs. She is now sobbing loudly
as she thinks of her defeat.)
UTENA: (Falling down the stairs. Sobbing.) I lost Anthy!! To an
idiot like him!! And to a Nerf dart gun!! (She stops crying and gets
indignant as she falls down the stairs.) But this isn't the end, oh no,
it isn't! I'll get my revenge! And I'll see that Akio and Nerf burns in
the fiery pits of hell!! (She shouts this quite valiantly while still
falling.) Damn you, Nerf! Damn you and your puffiness! I'll destroy
all that you stand for!! And that means safe children's games!! Kids
should play with dangerous pointy objects!! (Utena laughs madly
as she keeps falling down the stairs. She pauses then mutters.) I
think the brain damage is starting to take affect. I feel a bit like
Touga... ohhhh... kill me...
(The shot pulls away and yes, sadly enough, Utena is still nowhere
close to halfway falling down the stairs.)
UTENA: (Falling down the stairs. Looks sickly.) I feel... like a
cucumber... covered in peanut butter... slimy and sticky all at the
same time... and not nutritious. (She now looks like she's going to
barf.) I want cheese whiz... and maybe some beef jerky to go with
it... (She continues to contemplate her odd food cravings before
she snaps out of this mood and notices that she's still falling down
the stairs.) Oh, will this never end?! Is this neverending?! No, it
can't be! Eventually I'll reach the bottom and when I do, I'll start
my training! Yes, I'll defeat Akio with the very weapon he used for
my own destruction! How's that for irony?! (She laughs madly.) I'll
shoot you with a Nerf dart of my own, Akio! And it will signal your
destruction!!
(The shot pulls away and it's clearly seen that Utena is still nowhere
close to finishing falling down the neverending flight of stairs. And
as she continues to fall down them, the scene fades to black.)
To be continued...
All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a
nonsensical out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when
extremely bored. I'll continue to write this series when I'm
extremely bored because sometimes I just feel like being silly. In
other words don't take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun.
Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com
The not so thrilling trailer line: What will happen next time?! Will
Utena still be falling down the neverending flight of stairs?! Stay
tuned!
Chat with me on ICQ! My ICQ # is: 37674780
Thanks to Red Death all of my fanfics are archived at:
http://www.lvdi.net/~reddeath/dreiser.htm
For SFAE in text and other spiffy Utena fanfics go to:
http://www.duellists.tj/~utena/prs/index.html
To hear the excellent SFAE radio production go to:
http://michiru.com/utena/
A RANDOM QUOTE AND ANALYZATION:
"We could call her Trixie or Miss Kitty Fantastico or something."
-Tara; Buffy the Vampire Slayer-
TOUGA: (Blinks.) Miss Kitty Fantastico?
NANAMI: (Frowns.) How are we supposed to analyze this quote
anyway? It doesn't mean anything.
TOUGA: (Snickers.) Miss Kitty Fantastico...
NANAMI: (Puzzles.) It's probably the oddest quote I've seen from
her yet. It simply makes no sense.
TOUGA: (Snickers uncontrollably.) Miss Kitty Fantastico...
NANAMI: (Stares at Touga.) Why are you laughing?
TOUGA: (Falls over on the ground. Laughing loudly now.) Miss
Kitty Fantastico!!!
NANAMI: (Blinks. Looks at the quote.) Wasn't that the name of
your cat? The one that... uhhhm... mysteriously disappeared from
our house?
TOUGA: (Stops laughing. Sits up. Exclaims.) You're right! That
was the name of my dear little kitty! (His eyes get wide.) She has
Miss Kitty Fantastico! She stole him from me!! That's where he
went off to! He was Miss Kitty Fantastico-napped!! (Touga runs
off. Shouts.) Never fear, I'll rescue you, Miss Kitty Fantastico!
Touga is coming!!
NANAMI: (Watches him exit. Sighs.) Oh boy...
Juri Rules All.
Miss Kitty Fantastico
is a great name for a
cat. Just ask Tara.
When I'm dead I'll
be worth something.
-Quotes from me-